I am feeling like a total bitch today. People are annoying me. I don’t want to talk to anyone. And I just want to be left alone, ok? On the positive side, it’s all happening in my head. People come up to me and start talking and I’m smiling and nodding, but in my head is this running commentary of bitchiness:

“Ok….why are you telling me this?”
“Uh-huh. Yeah. I get it. Now can you go?”
“Hi. Did ya see that I was sitting here peacefully reading my email? See how I’m barely looking up when you talk? Can you take a hint?”

Yeah, you all want to me MY friend, now dontcha? I knew it.

I’ve done it. It’s not even May yet and I’ve gotten my first sunburn of the season. Don’t worry, for all of you worried about skin cancer or nasty peeling, it’s a mild one. But it is kinda nice to know I got the first one out of the way.

I am actually quite embarrassed about it. I am usually very good about protecting my oh-so-fair skin, but it was a complete accident. And it caught me quite of guard. I guess I am going to have to start wearing sun screen over my entire body in the off chance I decide to just start removing my clothing. Which was kind of what happened….

See, my mom was in town on Sunday and setting my marks high for being the favorite daughter, I always try to show my mom a good time. (No, this is not why I was removing my clothing, so shuuuush.) Knowing the weather was going to be fabulous, Simeon and I decided to take my mom to the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival. And it did not disappoint. The weather was glorious, but there was a chilly breeze, so I donned a sweatshirt. However, when we got there and started walking around I quickly got warm and removed said sweatshirt. Leaving my poor excuse for skin exposed to the sun. I actually felt quite bad blinding all those people like I did. But if felt wonderful. (The sun, that is, not the people-blinding.)

Simeon, my mom, and I hiked through the fields, took a ton of pictures (which I will post later when my home computer stops throwing temper-tantrums anytime I try to unload my camera), and enjoyed the lovely treats that come with a fair atmosphere. Simeon eyed the elephant ears on the way in and (in true motherly fashion) my mom and I told him if he was good he could have one on the way out. With something like that dangling in front of him, he behaved like an angel! Then once we stood in line, I realized they had other glorious treats. So to reward myself for all the hiking and being out in the fresh air, I enjoyed a chocolate-dipped frozen cheesecake. You know, for all the calcium.

I am just going to warn you all, I am going to be writing about my breasts. And for the few men out there who read this (and you know who you are) I swear it is not in a way you want to hear. Ok, you have been warned.

For those of you who know me, or have taken a stroll through the photo gallery, you know that I am not, shall we say, lacking in the boob department. Quite the opposite in fact. Have been since puberty. (Yes, even when I was skinny as a rail, I was stacked.) It’s good fun for the husband, and at times I have really felt blessed for my ample bosom.

Until last night.

Last night I swear I almost cut the damn things off. I was changing out of my gym clothes into pajamas, when pain like no other struck me. I removed my yoga tank with the bra attached and proceeded to pull off my sports bra (yeah, when the girls are MY size, you need two bras– just another fun point). Then my bazookas were left unsupported and felt like they were made of steel. Or iron. Or whatever the heaviest metal is, that is what it felt like. I think I just got used to all the extra-exercise-required-support and that, combined with pre-menstrual tenderness, pushed me over the edge.

I seriously had to hold my ta-ta’s with my arm while I proceeded to undress. My knockers could not go unsupported for longer that five seconds without feeling like the sheer weight of themselves would tear them from my body. I kid you not. Ouch!

Sim was watching the whole thing in agonizing horror, totally powerless to help his whining wife with the pain. I quickly, but carefully, jumped into bed to relieve the burdens of gravity and sighed with relief. So. Not. Fun. But all this does is further support the fact that once I have finished having babies, and my boobs are no longer a means of food production, and the physical damage of breastfeeding has taken it’s toll (which can be quite lovely I have heard), I am totally planning to have my knockers reduced. Don’t think I won’t ask the doc to bring ’em back up to where they used to be. Ya know, while he’s in there.

Heather just IMed me and asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo with her and the kids today. She couldn’t see me, but my eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. I just love the zoo. It is one of the rare things that truly makes me feel like a kid again. The pure innocence of a place so filled with intrigue, excitement and energy.

Sure, by the time we are done, the energy will most likely be gone, but the memories are there forever. Hopefully this time I will have my trusty camera along for the trip and you can all share in my adventures as well.

So stay tuned. Weather permitting; I am going to the zoo today! And if I do, there are gonna be pictures to prove it.