Slap Unhappy

My heart sinks whenever I see the kids' school pop up on my caller ID. "Best" case scenario was once Layla nose dived into a mud puddle (I feel legit proud), and didn't have backup clothes, and worst case was Judah getting his first ever migraine and screaming in abject misery in the middle of class. Usually it means they've puked or have a fever and I need to go get them. Never fun on any level.

Well, yesterday we captured the third kind of school phone call Pokemon: The Discipline Call.

Layla's sweet, sweet Kindergarten teacher left me a message just letting me know the story of the "white reminder" I would find in her folder today (a conduct report home to parents). She said Layla had slapped a friend, not very hard, but definitely a slap on the face and the little boy was upset. When she asked about it, Layla couldn't really say why she had done it--the boys hadn't hurt or teased her. The teacher said it was handled and over with as far as the school was concerned, but that it was extremely out of character for Layla. 

My first thoughts and feelings: I'm pretty angry because she knowsKNOWS that using your body to hurt or control someone else is unacceptable anywhere anytime (unless she's in danger). I'm embarrassed because I don't want my kid to be THAT kid, and what if the teacher thinks we are just crappy parents? I feel betrayed by Layla for making me look bad.

All that stuff is ABOUT ME. Not about Layla. That's not great.  That's parenting out of my own junk and insecurities instead of out of love for her and a desire to train her to be a healthy adult. 

So as I am waiting for the bus with Jesse, we decide to just ask her about her day as if we don't already know and just see how it plays out (because honesty has been a challenge for Layla sometimes, and want to give her practice at speaking hard truth). I am praying to just hear her heart and care for her--not myself. 

I am glad I had that time to think beforehand.

She hops off the bus and I asked about her day. She immediately says "I got a white reminder" kind of with a weird smirk on her face, almost a naughty smile, and I look at Jesse and am all "OH IT'S ON" inside. Benefit of Doubt: GONE. Little homie is laughing about this?!?!? Time to rain down the thunder. My "tsk-ing" finger is itching to be wagged.

But then she dissolves into tears, wailing, "I'm sad to talk about it." And my wagger finger disappears. I had not expected this gambit from this child. And it wasn't a gambit.

Come to find out, her day leading up to the slap was pregnant with angst. First, she had asked a few friends to play at recess and they had all been engaged with other buddies or activities and (not unkindly) declined. Then she did all the right classroom behaviors/tasks that typically earn her a reward but her teacher just happened to not notice this one time. And finally she left her snack box in the garage in the morning, so she didn't have anything during class snack time, and when she asked a friend for a piece of his cookie the friend said no.

That's a LOT of perceived rejection for a 5 year old who thrives on relationship, positive reinforcement, feeling treasured, social interaction--and SNACKS, by golly. 

"People make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed..." -Wise Trolls

Does any of this absolve her of or change the fact that she straight up broke a serious rule when she slapped her buddy? NO. Does it mitigate how we chose to discipline her? NO again. Does it add another separate layer to the situation? Yes.

Parenting isn't a zero sum game. Obviously Layla having her heart hurt doesn't give her a free pass to make bad choices (the classic "there's no excuse for that!" comes to mind). We have to handle the behavior and the heart. One phone call becomes two very different parenting tasks.

This is tiring and daunting and does not come easy to me. It's more efficient and mathematically tidy to just call it a wash: you had crappy stuff happen to you, and you did something crappy because of that. Even Steven. But almost every parent who is actually trying knows that's not going to work. When she's 17 and her boyfriend dumps her and she decides to shoplift some holographic nail polish because she's sad (the future has cool things) she WILL go to space jail. This stuff doesn't wash out (nor does holographic nail polish, I bet), it doubles down, it finds a way out, and the older you get the yuckier and scarier those ways out become.

It's not a wash, so we have to address it.

But we can't stop with JUST addressing the slap either, and saying, "we don't care WHAT you were feeling, you NEVER slap!" Because, while basically true, I'm betting what she hears and internalizes the most is the "we don't care WHAT you were feeling" portion of that statement.

I am betting that because I have felt that. "You and your feelings don't matter, just stop screwing up."

She'll come up with another outlet for her painful feelings because pain always has to go somewhere. The slapping is a symptom. Sure, it's expedient and necessary in the moment to treat symptoms, but real healing is out of reach if we stop there and don't treat the source of the infection. 

Two things we have to parent now: her heart and the slap.

Feelings and Actions. Our brains are REEEEEALLY good at mashing them together.

As parents, Jesse and I want to work to detangle these two things from each other; to bring attention to, and help the kids learn to identify and separate what they're feeling from what they decide to do about it. Because, without ever intending it, she merged them (we all do): I am feeling hurt, so it's okay for me to hurt someone else. 

My entire adult life has been spent trying to chop that thinking in half. To throw on the brakes and say, "Whoa, let's stop at 'I'm hurt' part and address that." Because honestly, it just feels better and easier and less risky to go around slapping people rather than talking about how I felt rejected and alone and un cared-for. 

That is called VULNERABILITY and both our lizard brains--that help us survive in the wild, and our sinful hearts--that say  "you can be a god and have the power," throw up unending resistance to showing it. 

It took me YEARS to realize that I am actually not simply an angry person. I am a deeply sensitive person with a soft heart who takes rejection or refusal (perceived or real) as a negation of my basic value. That's a scary proposition to stare in the face and my lizard brain was not about to let me show this "weakness."

But you know what isn't scary? Going on the attack.  I medicated pain by just getting super pissed super fast at anyone who hurt me. The knife in your back doesn't hurt so bad when you're flailing about with brass knuckles. Of course you also don't get the knife out or help heal the damage, but who cares as long as it makes you feel better right now?

So Layla's slap: what did we do? Ironically, something like this had JUST happened to me a few days earlier. I had felt incredibly rejected by someone that I treasure and had ended up crying about it! I am 33 year old and was crying about my friend not liking me enough (and yes, my first thought still was "Imma unfollow her on Instagram, block her on FB and NEVER talk to her again" because I'm basically a  maturity expert).

I told Layla about my heartbreak after she described what happened. I asked her if that was kind of how she had felt, like the people that she loved didn't love her back? She said it was. Then Judah chimes in, "I have felt that way too. It feels like everyone in the world is against you." Whoa. We're having a moment here! (Jesse had gone back to work at this point).

Layla lost privileges as a result of slapping her friend. But, while that was very important, we only spent maybe 5 minutes on that part before we felt like it was covered. We spent far more time talking about her heart and what makes it feel cared for and what makes it feel scared or empty. We talked about what to do in case she feels those painful feelings again, and how to stop them before they take over. 

If we'd freaked out and given away her barbie dolls or done something major to punish her and make the lesson stick, I bet she'd remember better and would never slap again. I  bet that memory would stay with her for a long, long time. Not in a good way. And honestly, she probably won't even remember the talk we had about feelings. But it's one more brick in something bigger we want to build. That gives her a firm foundation of knowing that her parents are a safe place for her heart. That she is loved and treasured and valuable.

Demolishing something is so much faster than building something, but it leaves rubble and nothing. We want to leave substance.

We don't want her to be so afraid to mess up that she does things right. We want her to be so secure in who she is and how she's loved that it naturally spills over into her decisions and the way she treats people. 

Layla decided to write an apology to her friend. She can't spell so Judah scribed while Layla dictated. It smells like purple Mr. Sketch: a grape paradise. It smells like fearless love.

  "People make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed...but throw a little love their way, and you'll bring out the best" -Wise Trolls.

Home Alone

Judah got off the school bus at the wrong stop yesterday. He ended up bawling. I am thrilled that this happened and so freaking proud of my 6.5 year old.

He was supposed to get off at our church (aka Jesse's workplace) which is on the same route as home and about 2/3 of a mile away. We put a note in his folder to let everyone know about this unusal change, but there was a substitute teacher yesterday who didn't check. 

So he stayed on the bus and got off at our street like he does most Mondays. The bus drops off at the corner, maybe 20 yards from our front door. At the beginning of the year I would wait by the window and then walk out to meet him getting off. Then I started just keeping an eye out the window and stepping outside to greet him and watch him cross the street. That has progressed to complete independence where I just go about my day and he gets off the bus, crosses the street, and lets himself in 100% independently.

ASIDE: I am having a weird feeling right now because it's like "wait is this actually something to be proud of or call 'independence' in this day and age? Is that where we are?" but also simultaneously, "uh, wait, could I get in trouble for this is someone tattled on me?" WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?!

A few weeks back I had a spare key made for Judah on a total whim. We were are the hardware store getting paint and he was being a dreamy little delight. I saw the key blanks and remembered we needed a spare anyway. Then I saw they had Star Wars themed ones! I got Darth Vader for myself and Jesse yet couldn't leave little Yoda behind (even though his design wasn't as cool), so I asked if Judah would like a house key to have just in case I ever forgot to unlock the door for him. He was very excited and when we got home we practiced using the key and secured it to his back pack.

And yes, Tile is very worth it. Jesse and I are serial key misplacers. This has saved fights and money already.

When we were attaching his key we talked about how he'd probably only ever have to use it if we forgot to unlock the door for him, but how if there was an emergency or something crazy happened and Jesse nor I were home, what would he do?

After some truly whacko and concerning options from him (mostly involving punching and potions) I realized it was god that we discussed this. I suggested knocking on a few neighbors' doors to ask for help with calling us or walking all the way to church; and we decided the best first option was to grab his or Layla's iPad and wifi-call mommy or daddy. We then took the time to put pictures in our contact info so that they could both easily select us.

He has had his key for about 2 months, and that was the last time we talked about this stuff.

The first day he had his key with him and got off the bus he got mad at me for opening the door when I happened to see him coming because he had wanted to use the key. So for the rest of the week, Layla and I would lock the door when we heard the bus, stay in the house, and listen to him struggle until he was able to turn the lock and enter victoriously.

So yesterday I was out running errands with Noa and Layla and Jesse was at work. Judah came in and started doing his homework (can we talk about how great that is that with ZERO supervision he did his dang homework!!) and then he noticed things were quiet (when he tells it, he adds, "maybe toooooo quiet").

He went to the front window and saw neither car in the driveway (smart thinking!). That's when he says he first felt afraid, but then "felt powerful in his chest". I told him later how this is called adrenaline and how our bodies are made to power us up with it in scary moments. He liked the thought of Hulk juice in him.

He tried to find his iPad and couldn't, but did find Layla's in their bathroom beside the toilet (that's my girl!). He pulled up FaceTime and called Jesse. As soon as Jesse saw the call from Layla's iPad--which he knew was at home--he knew Judah had ended up there alone.

When Jesse picked up the call and Judah saw his face, the power juice in his chest dissipated, and he started sobbing, finally feeling the scariness of the situation fully now that he was safe from it (man, biology is cool).

After I got out of my class (I'm soon to be certified to lead RYH groups!) They told me what had gone down. I was instantly SO SO SO proud of my boy and felt so confident in the head he has on his shoulders. I was also incredibly grateful that we was able to process and feel and talk about the fear and sadness and power he had felt through it all as well as satisfaction from solving it on his own.

Am I glad he's safe? Yes, but he was probably never in any danger whatsoever.  I am THRILLED however that he took action, used critical thinking, and remembered what we had talked about. That is worth about 100X more to me than him being protected by circumstances this one time.

If you can't tell, we are Free-Range parents. We parent not to protect our kids from the world, but to prepare them for it. We have practiced getting separated in stores and taught them how to find helpers as well as how to spot "tricky people"  versus almost all other strangers who are happy to really help kids. We believe that talking to grown-ups gives them the experience they need to determine when a grown-up is acting shady or suspicious or asking something inappropriate of them.

Abductions and stranger danger have actually decreased over the past decades, but media coverage, social media fear-mongering (including many totally false stories) have blown it up so that even in my head--which I considered pretty level--it can feel like there are boogey men around every corner. THERE AREN'T. All the statistics say that if your child is going to be kidnapped, abused, raped or have violence committed against him or her, the OVERWHELMING odds are that it will happen at the hands of someone you or they trust.

We need to adjust our parenting energies accordingly.

All that helicopter parenting does is drastically limit the amount of time our kids practice thinking and using judgement--these aren't gifts that come with their draft card or college acceptance at 18--these are character values and neural pathways; brain muscles that have to be exercised and built up.

Otherwise we are turning 20 year old babies loose on society and calling them "adults."

There is no measurable proof that helicopter parenting makes a difference in the safety of our kids; I think there is demonstrable (if anecdotal) proof that it makes our kids less capable. Ask any high school teacher who has been in the game for decades what kind of trends they have seen in parental vs. teen responsibility and involvement. 

There was nothing I could have done to stop Judah from forgetting to get off the bus when he did (I mean beyond pinning a note to his shirt or nagging him, but even then kids are championship-level oblivious sometimes), no matter how low the helicopter flies, these are autonomous creatures we're raising and they're going to go off-plan at some point. But if the goal is to eventually have them making their own life/choices/character (living permanently off plan!) then these age-appropriate forays to independence seem vital...even if they are play-acting or controlled (not suggesting you lock the door and leave home today at bus time just to see what happens).

Tonight we are going to talk hypothetical fire scenarios. I will probably let them play with matches as a visual.

Adult in Training.

End of the Year Teacher Gifts: DIY Mason Jar Koozie Sleeve Tutorial

The madness has to stop.

The ideas I see on Pinterest for teacher gifts make me want to die a thousand deaths. The vast majority are pun-based, classroom-themed, or useless--some even manage to achieve all of the above. Y'all, 7 red gummi fish in a baggie with You're the Swedish teacher I could have asked for! printed in crayon font is NOT showing appreciation. It's a cop out not even worth the thank you note she now has to write you.

Both my parents were teachers their entire professional lives. My dad received more educator-themed neckties that you can shake a #2 pencil at (what color belt even matches school busses and apples?!?!). They did not want or need paraphernalia to remind them of their careers. 

Hell, I love the Excel spreadsheets I do at my job (seriously), but I don't need a hoodie that says "Keep Calm and Pivot Table On."  Okay, fair enough, I would totally wear that.

Most years I take the easy way out and just get the kids' teachers gift cards. I know they will be appreciated, used, and worst-case can be happily regifted (unlike the clay dachshund brooch my mom once received for a job well done WUT). But with 6 teachers between them, we are never able to give each one an amount that truly shows our love and appreciation for putting up with and surviving pouring into our kids so lovingly the entire year.

This year I promised myself I would use my sewing skills to make something that is genuinely useful and beautiful--and would want myself--to give each of the teachers, without spending an eternity or fortune. I am low on funds and hours but high on teacher love and appreciation!

I managed to do it for $5 per gift! Join me, won't you?

Teacher gifts should only suck if it involves a straw.

I love drinking out of a mason jar. I daily drink 4 or 5 rounds of water in mine, sometimes will do iced coffee, and have been known to naughty friends who tote a festive gin & tonic+lime inside. The one thing I hate about my jar is the condensation/sweating. I don't like wet hands or puddles on my table/desk.

So I whipped up a little koozie for myself this summer and it made all the difference. I find myself feeling actual sadness when I leave mine at home and have to drink out of a cup (or even a naked mason jar) at work. I figured this was enough love to warrant gifting the teachers with one of their own.

You can get the jars for a dollar and change each at craft stores with a coupon, or just buy a bunch at a time from Amazon and never leave home--like a good little hermit introvert/me. I like the 24oz tall, wide mouth Ball jars because they fit in my cars' cupholders as well as in my hand and they hold plenty (that's three liquid cups per fill-up, sports fans!), but this tutorial will work for any size. I got my colorful, resuable BPA free straws and lids here  at very reasonable prices (but I think craft stores sell them as well).

* I don't sell these in my Etsy shop, but there are sellers who make very similar versions. I recommend this shop if you'd prefer to buy your koozies.*

TUTORIAL:

SUPPLIES:

- 2- 2 inch pieces of half-inch wide elastic

- 8 x 10" rectangle of fabric 

- 4 x 10" rectangle of batting, (I like insulbrite because it's thermal and keeps cold in-you can get enough for 10 koozies for like $2 at Joann)

***If using a different size jar, simply adjust your measurements. Whatever the circumference of your jar is, that will be the long side of your fabric (my jar is 10" around). However wide you want your finished koozie to be: add a half inch to that and double it for the fabric rectangle width (my koozie is 3.5" finished, therefore the 8" width of my fabric). The batting will be the same length as fabric and half the width.Use same elastic measurements.  EASY!***

PICKING FABRICS: Let your kids help pick the fabrics for each teacher to give them some ownership of the process and the gift. Ask why each choice makes them think of that particular teacher so they can tell her themselves when they give it.  MOST IMPORTANTLY: resist the urge to find a fabric with multicultural skin-toned children holding hands.

1. Fold your fabric along the long edge, putting right sides together. Lay this on top of the batting. In between the 2 fabric layers, place your two elastic pieces--about 3/4 inch away from the top and bottom corners:

  

2. Pin in place, being sure to catch the elastic pieces. (also: be dazzled by my glittery ironing board cover):

3. Sew around edges, leaving 3" opening on the short end without elastic, and front/backstitching at start and stop points.:

Clip corners and trim seam allowance:

Email me for my manicure tips!

5. Turn right side out, making sure you are turning the batting layer to the inside and the fabrics to the outside. If your batting ends up outside, go back and try again:

6. Press:

7. Trim back the batting around the open section of your rectangle and then press the raw edge under to match the seam allowance:

8. Topstitch around your koozie 1/8" from edge back/front stitching at your opening (just like before). DO NOT  TOPSTITCH THE OPENING. (sorry, no photo of this step.

9. Put your koozie around your jar (icewater already inside optional), and hold the elastic in place where it naturally falls and then stretch it a little bit since we will want a secure fit) and then mark where the end of the koozie hits the elastic when stretched. (*I got my steps mixed up when I was shooting this so mine isnt topstitched below, but yours will be!)

 10. tuck elastic end inside the pressed opening--just far enough so that it meets up with the mark you just made:

11. Pin in place. STOP HERE IF YOU HATE YOUR KIDS TEACHER because this little contraption would be very painful and mean.

12. Finagle the pinned portion under your needle (it's kinda tricky because of the small circumference) and complete the topstitching to finish and close the open part, as well as trap the elastic inside. I start back farther than necessary and overlap my previous topstitching to make sure the line in continuous.  Make sure you are keeping the opposite side of the kooze out from under your needle (it may be easier to do steps 11 & 12 one at a time for each piece of elastic):

13. Snip your threads and slide her on. It may seem too snug at first, but when your sleeve starts absorbing the condensation, I've found it stretched a bit, so too tight is better than too loose.

Selfishly keep this one for yourself and then make a bunch more for anyone you need to show some love to:

Just in case they might hate the jar, play it safe with a giftcard inside too!

I couldn't resist trying to redeem the level of wordplay in teacher gifts, by adding these tags:

Right?  Because it's a drinking glass? And because my kids can drive you to alcohol? And because of the Starbucks card? See, it's a choose your own adventure triple entendre, free of charge.

"Cheers to a great year!" is boring but less potentially offensive if you wanna go that direction.

The kids can decorate the bags (block lettering isnt my life's calling, I guess).

Cost breakdown per gift:

$.2.00 - Jar: ($17.99 for 9 pack)

$3.51 - Straw with matching grommet lid:  ($35.10 shipped for 10 sets)

$.50 - Cost of Insulbrite and fabric (I actually had these on hand, but seriously it's pennies for the amount needed)

$0 - 3 episodes of Bob's Burgers on Netflix while I sew.
MY HEART PIECES - because teachers are saints

$5.51 each before the giftcard, for a gift that I would love to receive, and therefore am glad to do unto others. Or you could do what one student of my parents did, and get them this:

Not Kidding, the actually got this. (I found this picture on eBay because the one my parents were given was regifted away in a White Elephant game long ago).

What's the best/worst teacher gift you've ever witnessed?

Giving Dragon Mommy the Morning Off

Things were getting bad around here. It felt like every.single.morning was the same crapstorm of asking/nagging/threatening/rushing the kids to get their basic stuff done to enable us all to get out the door. I got so tired of hearing Jesse and myself say "guys, come on!" that I was white-knuckling our corkscrew: it was a toss up between using it to shotgun a bottle of wine at 8 am versus using it to just lobotomize myself.

It's our own fault. Often Judah and Layla wake up way too early and we just phone it in and cave to get them to let us go back to sleep. "Go play iPad," we say. This is so successful at getting them out of our faces and occupied (scarily so...like Wall-E levels of screen obsession) that we let them keep playing on them while we get ourselves ready--until the last possible moment. (In case youre wondering: my parents gifted them one and we bought another on big sale to avoid bloodshed...we are those parents who gave every kid their own iPad...oh dear).

So with 20 minutes left before we have to leave for work and school no child has dressed or eaten or sanitized their bodies. Oh, and they are INDIGNANT to be asked to stop in the middle of their game/movie/hacking the FBI/whatever it is they're doing that is so crucial to their very lifeforce that the threat of having to stop so that they might ingest foodstuffs and go on living is THE MEANEST THING EVER to ask them to do. 

Wait a second! So we buy you, our 4 & 5 year old, a $300 toy, and for making you stop after an hour and a half of unrestricted play on it --to eat and be clothed and go get literate, MIND YOU--you are now angry at us and saying that life is unfair and this is the worst day ever?!?!

HERE COMES DRAGON MOMMY.

Rather than give in to the temptation to become a late-onset baby-shaker and jostle some sense into my first-world-proto-cusshole preschoolers, we decided something had to change. NO MORE ENTITLEMENT. STANDS WILL BE TAKEN! LINES: DRAWN! CAPS: LOCKED!

They are 4 and 5 and a half: they can handle chores. If this was 500 years ago they would have children of their own by now...or a cow or something, at least. They have chores when they get home from school (no play time or snack until they've put up shoes and coats and bags and lunchboxes and folders) and implementing those was so easy and effective, but for some reason we have just been the blind exasperated lunatics leading the blind spoiled freeloaders when it came to mornings.

An iPad is a modern damn marvel, the capabilities of which nation-states have fought wars over for much less throughout history. I love my kids, and they're cute and all, but I'm sorry, being my living spawn does not the god-given RIGHT to own one of these trinkets give you.

Starting today, they have to earn it. They each have a morning routine checklist to do and only when every item is done can they have iPad. I am no longer the bad guy hounding them about 12 tasks at once. Talk to the list, fools!

We are selling this as a privilege instead of a downgrade or loss of fun by saying if they get it all done, they get INFINITY time on the iPad before school. Until they realize the only way to maximize this is to wake up unholy early (a real possibility) this automatically should set a limit just because we have to be out the door by 8:25.

If they get everything done on all 5 days of the week, they will earn an allowance. $1 for each year they've been alive. Jesse balked at this being too much money, until I said, "How much would you pay stay sane...NAY how much would you pay to keep ME sane?!" because really my stress level getting ramped up is what is toxic to our household (working on it).

I made up an Excel spreadsheet because you know how I be, and we can change and add things if needed. I know these lists/sheets/boards aren't a new idea by any means, but they are revolutionary in this house so far. 

Layla's Sheet*. Complete with stock clipart? yes! because mama aint got time for cool design-y logos. Picking my battles...

We took basic human morning things like brushing teeth and wearing shoes and added a few age appropriate actual chores to the list because they need to contribute to the tribe! They put a sticker on when it's done (we dont care about the order) and for fun, I made little iPad tickets that are tear-off-able at the bottom for them to cash in for the (now locked) iPads when everything is done. They can tear off the dollar bill at the end of the week to get their paycheck. 

Day 1: stunner!

We still had to help guide them through everything today and help keep them on task, but it was so much better to say, "check your list!" rather than saying "WHERE THE FRIG ARE YOUR SOCKS?!" after telling them 6 times to put them on.   And of course the novelty will surely wear off with the stickers and tickets. I'm okay with that...we are trying to create responsible, non-jerk humans, not an actual cartoon paper currency economy. 

We love that their desire for the iPad is now the constant reminder of what they need to get done rather than our words and effort.

Judah's Sheet*. We made feeding the dogs and picking up an entire room his new jobs. He did them like it was cake. 

I could show you Noa's list but it's just a picture of boobs and poop, sooooo, nah.

These sights have never been so beautiful to me before:

Oh yeah. She's feeling it.

Veg, my hardworking contributor, VEG I SAY!

Below is a link to my actual spreadsheet if you want to download it and edit it for your kids own needs. It has the tearable tickets at the bottom and everything is sized to fit the standard little circle stickers that you'd use for garage sale prices or any other fun mini sticker...or checkmarks when stickers get old. I had to max out my margins.

Morning Kid Routines

(let me know if this doesnt work after you open and download...this is my first file-share attempt on the blog.)

They just got home and walked up to the fridge and looked at their sheets. Judah goes, "I love our new list."  And I'm all Emperor Palpatine: "Yes, my son. Yes." 

*One thing we blatantly forgot and I hope someone tries to Jesus juke/call me out on is a devotion. We have been doing the She Reads Truth ABC memory verses that we have pretty pretty flashcards for (wall sized and pocket sized for the car). They get candy when they can recite their verses...so that's separate but probably should go on the list.

bread, ribs, eggplant, and not a recipe in sight

a handful of random:

-We went to Disney World for spring break last week. I am trying to summon the strength to write a post about it (after my near-death disney trip in december, i am harrowed by the mere thought) because it was a seriously rocking time. but if not, you must know this:  the 2 best restaurants in all of mickey's domain are: Flame Tree BBQ in animal kingdom (best ribs i've ever had, not even ashamed) and Be Our Guest in Magica Kingdom (go at 10:30 am for an early lunch with minimum wait...everything we had was legit wonderful food).

beneath the tree of life

-I am officially done with the first trimester. good riddance. 14 weeks finds me having gained 0 lbs since my first appointment (I have decided to not count those initial 10 lbs that happened in one instant after getting the positive test since the dr. never even knew about my real "before" weight), and yet being huge and soft everywhere. I have belly, enough that the rubber band trick on all of my pants is starting to fail, but its not the rock hard preg belly that is strong enough to push back against maternity elastic yet, leaving me looking like I'm wearing really unfortunately-designed Spanx with things being squeezed and spilling over. Fun times. But I'll take it any day because it comes with NO MORE DEATH NAUSEA. And what's insane? finding out the gender in less than a month! Junk's about to get REAL.

bring on the LANUGO!

they are insane about everything lessening besides the nausea. (artist's rendering of my motherly form)

-I added a link in the sidebar under my picture over yonder----> to support one of my best friend/hero's ministries. Angie is amazing and is a HUUUUUUUGE reason why i ever gave ministry, and even Jesus Himself, a chance. Her campus ministry, Bread, has an opportunity to buy a new house to operate from for a STEAL. This woman loves Jesus in a breathtakingly  committed and authentic way and is changing lives at Emory University just like she did mine at Georgia Tech. Any donation is totally tax deductible, BTW and FTW.

-We had to make the call recently on whether to register Judah for kindergarten or to let him to another 4 year old pre-k program. He's a late May (25th) birthday and he's a boy. My parents are lifelong educators, my dad working in admissions and then as headmaster for decades, and unhesitatingly recommended letting him have another year before starting. Everyone else we have asked about this has agreed. We have heard that with girls, you'd maybe send them on a little young (I started very early with an October bday and despite doing solidly academically and athletically despite my being behind in age, my parents said they always regretted not giving my another year of maturity), but with boys that it shouldnt even be given a second thought. 

So that's what we went with and decided to wait and let Judah man get another year of knowledge and muscle and be the oldest in his grade forevermore (like his daddy) rather than the youngest (like mama). Judah and Layla will be at the same preschool with each other for another year, and should enter big school only 1 grade apart when the time comes (and baby 3 will be at the same church program when i have to go back to work too). It's still hard for me not to second-guess and wonder about if he was starting Kindergarten this fall, especially with all my friends who i was pregnant with starting their 5 years olds. Keep telling me this is the right call!

another year to stop to smell the roses "horsey medicine" (re: weeds)

-I have been being rocked by the couples' small group Jesse and I are in, that he leads. We are studying Galatians, but it should probably really be called, "Hey, Keight, maybe you're not really a Christian after all" because it has just convicted my PANTS OFF about how bad i am about making the gospel about what I am doing/not doing right when it is truly the opposite: all that matter is what Christ did on my behalf and i cant add or subtract one iota from that. It's been utterly challenging and yet completely freeing to "learn" this truth and really try to let it sink it (despite all the insane systems and rules we have set up as a society and even as a church that convince us otherwise). I'm especially loving this in the middle of this Holy Week leading up to celebrating the actual event of that uber-victory of our Savior's on sunday. amen.

-We are reinstating the veggie garden in our backyard this year. We planned to have 5 shady tree culprits cut down to help us be more successful this year (what we learned last year sun =  important), but when we got quotes from tree removers for $300 and $2500 for the exact same job we got a little suspicious. No telling if the tree will make it down this year or will stunt another harvest. This year's crops: peas, jalapenos, roma tomatoes, carrots, okra (i'll never give up on my favorite veggie!), eggplant, zucchini, cucumber, and maybe watermelon. Stay tuned for disasters and small victories.

the only burpees you'll catch me near.

-We are thisclose to closing on the papers (oh the papers!) to refinance our mortgage. this is going to save us major major and maybe even allow enough wiggle room for an addition onto our tiny ranch? dare to dream. We tried to refinance last year but our appraisal came back dismally low (think worth 30% less than what we paid for it in 2006) so we couldnt do it. The appraiser came last friday and I was there to let him in. I was tickled pink we he said, "wow, youve done some major renovation in the kitchen recently, huh?" because no we havent! ALl original counters, cabinets, floors and other majors stuff. we HAVE however worked our butts off at all the little stuff and so hearing a professional think that those little touches were from big investment was thrilling. Of course, I am an idiot and told him "no we didnt really do anything big or expensive at all, just small improvements here and there." TO THE APPRAISER! fool woman. Deposit my  boner move, the result was wonderful as the appraisal value came back SO much higher than we had even hoped for so we are thrilled. the next step is getting a builder out to tell us if adding on is worth it versus buy or building somewhere new (tear...i dont know if i can leave this house!)

happy tuesday, fools.

Resurrection Eggs: Bridging the Gap Between American & Biblical Easter Celebrations through a Christ-Focused Foundation

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that's by far the longest, most boring-looking title of a blog post by me ever. i wanted to say all of that front and center, but i promise, we're headed somewhere fun. 

see?

you probably hear it every year at christmas and again at easter. the difference between how our culture celebrates these holidays and what these holidays themselves are actually supposed to celebrate is huge.

christmas seems to get away with it more. its pretty justifiable to say that we all give each other buttloads of gifts because christmas is jesus' birthday and we want to show his love. the tree, the songs, stockings, santa...these all are at least partially rooted in biblical or jesus origins...even if you have to stretch to make it so.

but something about easter pushes the poles even farther apart. the resurrection is the whole flippin' point of christianity period forever amen. so while we are awed by the virgin birth, it is because we see the cross in that baby's future. the passion of christ is actually the heart and soul of everything that we have put our hearts and souls into. 

so it seems like, if anything, the easter celebration should be MORE jesus-y than christmas.

and yet pastels, magic bunnies, plastic grass, candy eggs and heinous peeps are what we get. (though i do realize a lot of the easter traditions have cool links to new life, eternal life, etc. but i think these are much less well-known and easily secularized than st. nick's christian back story, for example). 

easter is a bigger deal--the biggest--and yet it feels like the tendency is to make it a smaller or cheaper one.

ok that is my cultural report as a wanna-be sociologist or whatever. now here's how jesse and i have decided to parent in light of where things stand in suburban america in 2013.

first off, we completely understand families who decide to eschew entirely all the non-christian trappings of holidays. seriously: get it. love it. considered it ourselves. but we just landed somewhere a little to the side of that...probably because we're too lazy to actually be so vigilant.

this is NOT saying our way is right. this is saying our way is our way and it's the one we've arrived at after prayerfully considering and discussing how exactly to raise our american kids in the year 2013 to be passionate followers of an eternal god who came to live and die in israel 2000 years ago. 

um, yeah, figuring this stuff out is almost as weird as it sounds.

we love both kinds of the magic of being human: the parts you need jesus for and the parts some would say you dont (atheists have joyful, loving moments too, after all). we want our kids to be part of the culture they live in and to experience both kinds of magic.

that said, we are dead- (or eternally alive, rather) serious about them knowing what is fun fluff and what is rock solid truth, and how to sort through--or even chuck out--all the sugar-infused, retail-supercharged, stimuli bonanza of holidays--to find their focus and their center in christ. 

that is our mission statement and we are constantly working out what this looks like practically to a 2 and 3 year old. 

we got an really spectacular tool for doing this yesterday. i went to judah's preschool (he goes to a christian preschool run by our old church) class easter party, and i watched and delighted as those little goobers did their egg hunt and played games and ate sugary snacks. then judah's wonderful teacher announced that coming home with each kid was a set of "resurrection eggs" and FYI there were some nails in them so maybe keep an eye on them.

when we got home and the kids were having snacks, i cracked open the carton having very little idea of what to expect and was THRILLED with what i saw: numbered eggs with little props inside each egg that told the story of easter.

i was about to cry when judah popped open egg number one and picked up the leaf inside. he immediately said, "mommy, dis is da palm leaf. jesus disciples put these down on the road so he didnt get dirty and dusty, and all the people yelled 'osanna! osanna!'" 

i mean really.

after the kids went down for naps i went through the whole carton and was more and more enamored of this activity. exactly why i love it is in the epic title of this post. 

we want to lay a foundation with our kids first and foremost so that all of the silly, fun things that arent overtly biblical about holidays, and life in general, always have strong roots in christ. it's not "taking back easter" because no culture or tradition could take that away from us, but it is saying, there's a super big, important, magical-beyond-comprehension reason that we do all these fun, celebratory things in life. it's giving our kids roots. and eventually they will realize that the "other" kind of magic that doesnt seem jesus-y on the outside, actually does come from him. all of joy and nature and love and everything that makes life HD and worth living is rooted in him also.

so in this example, we want to do the resurrection eggs with them every year, multiple times, so that these are the first easter egg memories they will have, and so that hopefully every egg they ever hunt for fun will remind them of jesus. we think this will be easier than trying to drag jesus into the egg story at 10 years old when all they care about is the snickers inside.

we feel like planting jesus seeds grows jesus fruit. will the fruit sometimes taste like jelly beans or sound like an action figure? maybe sometimes on certain branches. but the DNA (RNA, i guess, in the metaphor) of the fruit will be and point to jesus. it seems a better choice than growing little  sugar-crazed, self-centered materialist sprouts first and then trying to just put jesus paint on top of them later and hoping it sinks in and sticks.

*note:this analogy isnt airtight. it's not one or the other. example:  i am sugar-crazed, self-centered materialistic fruit. i was not raised with a constant rooting of christ in my life. he was something i chose to put on later in life. the cool thing about jesus though is that when i did, he just straight up transformed me into him-like fruit. he still is. 

so the eggs! i'm sure this isnt a new idea by any means, but it was our first encounter and i wanted to share them here. i changed up a few things that the class set had and added some extra stuff. this activity is so deep and meaningful, yet it is cheap (i mean, ours was made for free), fast, easy, fun and reusable. it's the mother (mary) of all easter crafts in my book.

ours came already in the carton, but it would be even more fun to hide these like a "normal" egg hunt and have the kids find them first and then go through the story. this would make a great activity for a sunday school class or just one kiddo. okay i cant stop talking about the awesome possibilities of this thing so i'm just gonna show you:

decorate the top of the egg carton to make it spiffy and cover up all the egg carton words. you can let your kids help for more ownership, or be a control freak like me and make it simple. i went with the font i imagine the romans used at that time. because of theme, yall.

and since it's what's on the inside that counts, let's break it open!:

12 easter eggs, numbered (go wild with sharpies, stickers, whatever) and then the key taped or pasted inside the lid so it doesnt get lost. here is my printable version of the key that fits a standard carton top if you prefer to use it.

and really it's inside what's inside that REALLY counts here: 

the 12 eggs-fillers we have in our set are: 

leaf

cup/bread made from tinfoil and triscuit

3 dimes or silver washers

a thorn branch

a piece of braided rope with tinfoil spikes and tape handle

little wooden cross (we have a prefab one, but obv, you can DIY one easy)

3 nails

a piece of purple cloth and a die

a piece of white cloth sprayed with perfume or yummy smelling oil

a rock

nothing!

a little piece of paper folded like a book with THE BIBLE on front and a verse inside

but here again you can get creative. maybe you want to leave out the flogging of jesus for little ones that are easily disturbed.  or maybe you want to add in another element of the story like praying in gethsemane or peter cutting off the guards ear and jesus putting it back on (a hit with little boys, surely!). go for it! the combos are almost limitless and allow for years of variation.

and here is the key (download here) to what each object means and you can tell your kids about (and they will quickly start telling you...it's amazing how much these visuals sink home the story.) along with scripture references for each element if you want to read along in your bible.

fun fact: judah's teacher sprayed his white fabric with some stank-ass nana perfume. it's very 1970's nursing home and so judah thinks you wrap dead bodies in stinky clothes now. also: that smell is all over my fingers!

we plan to do this every year and add and change elements in it to keep it fresh and exciting. seeing the kids open up each egg, not knowing what's inside but knowing they are going to hear or tell a story for each one is really fun for everyone involved.

it is for freedom that christ has set us free. we believe he wants us to live life and experience fun and eat the yummy treats that he gave us the power to create.  but we want to make sure that in every magic moment of their childhood our kids can spot a thread running back from it to jesus himself. all good things come from him.

gang's all here. except for jesus in egg #11...dat tomb be empty, yall!

do yall do or know of any other cool activities to help kids keep jesus the focus of easter?

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