There.

As I've been adding items to my Christmas wishlist, there has been one little item that has been on the list. Then, marked off. Then added again, and crossed off again...repeat about a million times. I can't bare to put it on & leave it. It's so lame really. 

It's one of those pretty little hand stamped initial necklaces with a jewel or 2 added. I love them. I have loved them for oh, I'd say 4 years or so. I think they are so sweet & so simple. 

I've given them as gifts. 
I've picked out parts & pieces & had them in my online cart.

But, I just can't do it. I can't ask for it or buy it for myself because of one stupid reason. (Yes, I just said stupid!) 

For some reason I have it in my head (and heart for that matter) that those necklaces are somehow reserved for moms.

So, I'll wait. I'll keep waiting & one day that pretty, delicate, tiny little necklace will be around my neck with some person's little initial stamped on it.

There. I said it. 



I feel better.

Surprise. Surprise.

Yeah, yeah...it's been a while. I hope no one is surprised! 

I've got a few things swirling around in my head. None of it complete enough to blog about it, but I felt compelled to blog today. So here I am. 

I've got a few random projects going on & it's nice. I've had a lot of discouraging days the past month or so & I'm ready to be done with that. Nothing bad is happening, but nothing is happening & I've finally realized that I do better when something is going on, good or bad. But I can't handle it when things are stagnate. 

I'm feeling super creative & ready to tackle my to-do list. First up is a handout to go with chocolate chip cookies. They'll be in glassine bags & will be delivered to every sister in my ward. It's my first Relief Society Meeting where I'm actually responsible for something, I'm a little anxious, but mostly happy for this new adventure. I was released from primary in May (thank goodness) and was asked to be on the RS Committee... oddly enough a calling I've never had, yet it seems so perfect for me. God is good, He knew just what I needed & primary just wasn't it. 

I'm working on a few projects for girls camp as well. I was asked to serve as the Head Chef & Craft Queen. Totally excited to be going back up with all my girlies. I would have missed it so much if weren't there with them. 

My sisters best friend is interning at Martha Stewart this summer. He is crazy enough to believe that I've got what it takes to work for her. Ha! He encouraged me to make the trek back East at some point this summer & bring a craft portfolio for him to give to the powers that be. It's a little amusing & a little flattering all at the same time. I'm not sure if that's my calling in life, but it would sure be an experience of a lifetime, wouldn't it?

Among all the things swirling around in my scatter brain, I was thinking about what I think my "calling" in life is. 

You know, that thing that makes your heart soar & brings happiness nothing else can. That thing you feel you're good enough at to do for the rest of your life. I feel like I could go a million different directions (that's the hard part of being an "artist" or creative person) it's so hard to settle. I feel like if I choose something that I'll have to cut out other things that bring me joy. It's hard to explain, but it makes sense to me. I've got to learn that balance is the most important thing & that lots of things could make me happy long-term. 

I think I finally figured out what would be the most thrilling for me though & I've got to be patient to allow life to happen to get me to the point where I could actually do it. It's genius & everything I could ever, ever wish for. I know that no matter what I end up doing, it's got to include other people, strangers even. I love knowing the stories of others. I love knowing where they came from & where they're going. I want the interpretation of what I feel like God is "calling" me to do, to be sort of inspirational. I want women especially to realize what they are capable of. I want them to have a creative outlet, one where no one is better than another. Just a love filled environment where even at different levels, we're all equals. I learn from them & they learn from me. I may not ever have fame, a college degree, a Range Rover, or heck even Martha Stewart on my resume, but I know that I can make a difference. 

And I will.

Thirty.

Thirty things I know at the age of thirty...

1. Wearing nail polish is an easy way to have an instant smile.
2. Everything happens for a reason.
3. It's so, so important to have faith in yourself.
4. Being compassionate & kind to everyone is far more important than having friends.
5. Having a plan & being prepared brings success.
6. The Today Show is a great way to start your day!
7. Water is a boring drink but, necessary!
8. The scriptures can be very fulfilling when you study them vs. read them.
9. Going out to breakfast is an awesome way to enjoy the weekend.
10. God is in control. Even when we don't really understand our circumstances, He does.
11. It's better to take a risk & fail than to never try.
12. If you take a drink of water but swallow it upside down it takes away hiccups 99% of the time.
13. Simply wishing something will happen doesn't make it happen. Action is required.
14. Being a disciple of Christ is much more than saying you believe & attending church on Sunday.
15. Party planning is in my blood.
16. It's important to take time for yourself each & everyday. If you don't, you'll get burnt out.
17. Dr Pepper is delicious.
18. Getting dressed everyday (even on a day at home) makes you more productive.
19. Just because someone is "family", doesn't mean they automatically care about you or your life.
20. Reality TV can become addicting.
21. Taking time to make a dinner plan helps so much, especially on busy days.
22. Prayer really does change things.
23. Record keeping is very important to me. I feel a great sense of obligation to my future generations.
24. Sometimes a PB&J is the perfect breakfast!
25. Creating makes your heart happy.
26. The temple is a place where troubles melt like lemon drops.
27. It's okay to ask for help.
28. One of the most important things to gain in this life is a personal relationship with Heavenly Father.
29. I like living where it is quiet while still being close to a freeway.
30. Thirty is just the beginning for me & all that I will accomplish.

It's been forever!

I want so desperately to keep up with this blog. I really do, but it has just not happened. I admire people that are great record keepers & pray that maybe one day I too will be considered a good record keeper. I guess the reason I haven't really blogged lately is complex. There hasn't been a ton to write about, or at least anything that would interest anyone other than my prosperity!

The past couple of months have been good & bad. Up & down. In early December I was released from my calling as Young Women's President. I'm sure it's fairly accurate to say it ruined my holidays. It was so incredibly difficult & I think this was the first Sunday I didn't want to curl up in a ball & cry when I saw my young women, the bishopric or any of the ladies I served with while at church. I wasn't released because I was doing a bad job or because I had served for a long time. The Bishop had a prompting. A simple but powerful prompting. He said he wrestled with it for a really long time, but every time he took it back to God it was the same answer, it was time & there wasn't a known reason. He said even he had a hard time with that because he wanted to at least tell me why...but I honestly think that was one of the hardest parts... no reason. Ugh! I like resolution & answers. 

I am one of the most impatient people on the planet & I wanted to know why. Why did Heavenly Father see fit to turn my world upside down then, right before Christmas? The time of year I look forward to most. Unfortunately, to date I still don't know why. I still have good days & bad. I still have times where I feel lost  & forgotten. But, thankfully those days are becoming few & far between. Like I said, today was the first day in 2 months I didn't just "survive" my way through church. 

I love those girls with all my heart. They will never ever know how much they taught me while I served them over the past couple of years. Having that calling was such a huge blessing for my family. Clint & I had so many wonderful experiences which made it SO so evident that the Lord was aware of us & our situation. He blessed us beyond measure & that is one thing I will always treasure, was seeing the hand of God so frequently & easily in our lives.

I'm now working in Activity Days with the 10-11 year old girls. I'm adjusting. I'd be lying if I said I was excited or happy about it. But, I'm working on that as well. I'm sure if I would have had this calling in different circumstances I would have been ALL over it, but it was just kinda the wrong time in my eyes. Primary, oh Primary... I am not a Primary person. I love to teach. Love it! But teaching Primary isn't very fun & sharing time is going to be the death of me. I swear! I hope it gets easier to have this calling because right now I feel like throwing in the towel. 

At the beginning of January I started working for a new family. So I'm with one family Monday & Friday, whom I've been with for 2 years! It's crazy to think it's been that long. I love them so much & love their adorable 3 kids! I'm with the other family Tue., Wed. & Thur. It's a really funky schedule & I find myself on the wackiest schedule ever, but again I'm adjusting. I am really liking them too. The kids are really good & very polite.

Clint left the USPS in the Fall. After much prayer & consideration we both felt like it was the step he needed to take next for our family. His IT business has really picked up over the past few months & we know if he had still been at the post office he wouldn't been able to stay on top of his obligations for his clients. He is currently looking for another position with a company that offers great benefits, which would be a huge blessing since we've been without health insurance for about 7 years!!

We've been making a lot of plans for our little family. We've both felt the need to learn to be more self reliant. We've been studying up about all kinds of gardening, food preservation & the like. I'm looking forward to the spring so I can work on canning some new items for our years supply. I also learned about dehydrating recently & can't wait to try my hand at jerky, fruit & vegetables. I am excited about some classes I'm going to attend to help me learn more about the process & how to cook using items you've dehydrated. I guess Clint & I both feel like there are so many un-healthy things in food you buy at the store that we are going to try harder to eat processed free & more natural & controlled. I feel like it's something I need to work on not only for our health but for the health of our children & grandchildren. 

I guess even though the past couple of months haven't been ideal for me, I'm looking forward to all the good things that are coming our way this year. We've been praying. pondering & working towards having some great experiences. God has spoken to our hearts & minds...now it's time to put more faith & trust in Him & go & do all that he requires!

That's our December & Jauary in a nutshell!! Hopefully, I'll be a little better at documenting things in the coming months!