Or for those of you not living in Ancient Rome, 10 Reasons You Should Be Glad I Didn’t Blog When I Was in my 20s.
10. I was pretentious. I used Roman Numerals. (related: I recently got a PR pitch about how to make Superbowl Sunday Math-tastic. Example: For older kids, put a fun – and challenging – twist on regular addition and subtraction by introducing the concept of Roman numerals; then, use this different number system to practice adding and subtracting. L minus X (50 – 10) equals 40; V plus II (5 + 2) equals 7. OMFG.)
9. THIS.
And the whole “here I sit looking sad on my college dorm room bed, even though my friend is taking this picture and I’m wearing a Rolex watch that my parents gave me for the incredible achievement of graduating from high school. Also for some strange reason, there’s a giant bag of Herr’s popcorn on the bed behind me.” I guess a picture really is worth a thousand calories.
8. I was a feminist. I still am a feminist, but in my 20s I was the type of feminist who said things like “I’m going to my Herstory class now.” Out loud.
7. I didn’t have any kids, so it would have been really hard to write the Motherhood in NYC blog. Not authentic at all.
6. Mama knew that I didn’t have any kids, so every post would have been titled “I’ll have kids when I’m ready! GOD! I’m a womyn! I am more than a uterus! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO HAVE KIDS! I can be anything I want! Like an surgeon, if I weren’t so afraid of blood. Or an artist, if I had any talent.”
5. I was a vegetarian because Meat = Murder (-hot dogs because hot dogs = delicious).
4. I had a job as a paralegal. Which means that I considered suicide daily. Except…
3. I had a super cute boyfriend. One day Mama mentioned to me that if he really loved me, he’d make me tea, so I woke him up in the middle of the night to ask him for a cup. It did not enhance our relationship.
2. Oh yeah, we were living together. In sin. There would have been many posts about admonitions from Mama and Papa that included words like “why” and “buy” and “cow” and “if” and “can” and “get” and “milk” and “for free”
1. I met Husbandrinka-to-be! And after our first date, he “went on a business trip” and stayed gone on the “business trip” for “four weeks”! DOES HE LIKE ME OR IS THIS WHOLE BUSINESS TRIP STUFF A HUGE LIE TO GET RID OF ME. WOE IS ME!
So yes, thank your lucky stars that I didn’t have a blog when I was a single womyn in my XXs. And then check out these fabulous writers to see why you should be glad that they didn’t either.
The Mama Bird Diaries
Baby on Bored
Peace, Love & Guacamole
Wait in the Van
Tales of (Married) Mikkimoto
Ann’s Rants
Wendi Aarons
Midlife Mixtape
The Flying Chalupa
I’m Gonna Kill Him
Smacksy
Earth Mother just means I’m dusty
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