From the monthly archives:

March 2009

Post Partum Post

March 12, 2009

After my son was born, I developed a mild case of insanity, although the technical term may have been “moderate insanity” or postpartum depression, for the purists. Everything made me cry. Papa tried to comfort me. “You waited a long time to have baby and your hormones are confused. You are like a person who […]

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Ruffling

March 11, 2009

Apparently I don’t have enough problems because I got this email BREAKING NEWS ALERT from a local clothing store letting me know that ruffle blouses are all the rage in the spring and that I should get one or drop dead. I really have to question what the fuck is wrong with people. I am […]

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Everything is OK. Except If You’re Reading This, I’m Probably Dead

March 10, 2009

I’ve recently met a new friend and we email each other a lot. I love getting her emails, except every few days she drops one of these: something really shocking happened, but I’ll tell you about it later. Bye! The fuck?So I retaliate: If you continue this leaving-me in-suspense tactic, I may become a Xanax […]

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My Endodontist Does Not Understand Me

March 10, 2009

My endodontist does not understand me. I go to get a root canal taken care of and he gives me an injection that would numb a respectably sized elephant and when he leaves the room to see another patient while I enjoy the anesthesia, I immediately feel my throat close up and I am pretty […]

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Mama’s cellphone

March 8, 2009

Mama got a cell phone a few years ago and for the first few months papa and I kept calling each other nonstop. “Where is she?” I would ask. “She is not answering her cell phone.”“I don’t know,” he commiserated. “She never answers it. We should have just gotten her a toy one instead.”We would […]

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My Grandfather’s Girlfriend

March 7, 2009

My grandfather immigrated to New York from Russia when he was in his seventies, and immediately started making up for lost time. Having been a proud member of the Communist Party during his prime, he decided to give religion a try. “I really like it,” he told me. “Except for the whole God business. Who […]

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The Bluest Eye

March 5, 2009

So everyone is mildly hysterical because there is a fertility clinic in New York that is offering designer babies. If you are like me and are excited by the idea of your baby coming home with interlocking Chanel C’s or the Louis Vuitton fleur de lis on its ass, let me tell you that you’re […]

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This is What It Sounds Like When Men Cry

March 5, 2009

I can’t stand it when men cry. I’ve seen my husband cry twice–first was when our daughter was born, he teared up (when our son was born, I did the tearing–hello, episiotomy!) and when his best friend was diagnosed with bile duct cancer. Those tears I understood, and not just because I love him. But […]

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