My latest song parody is The White House Shakeup Song, sung to the tune of Good King Wenceslas. And if simply reading it isn't enough for you, you can listen to me sing it right here.
The White House Shakeup Song (Sing to Good King Wenceslas)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bolten's cleaning house they claim.
He needs staffers brainy.
Upward polls are Bolten's aim.
Why not start with Cheney?
Many think that Don must go.
Rumsfeld's quite abysmal.
Dubya answers no, no, no.
Bush is just as dismal.
Miers may just lose her job.
Nearly was "Her Honor."
Andrew Card worked way too hard.
Now he's just a goner.
Selling our economy.
That's what Snow was there for.
Folks know we're near bankruptcy.
Josh will kick him out the door.
Don't forget Dub's spokesman Scott.
Liar quite transparent.
White House press guy now he's not.
How 'bout one coherent?
Rove lost power, so they say.
What disinformation!
Politics is Karl Rove's game.
That's what runs our nation.
George Bush Has Been Urged To Clean House By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Bush has been urged to clean house,
By his GOP pals and his spouse.
But the changes he makes
Can't repair his mistakes,
Cause the man in the Oval's a louse.
The Fellow Who Ran OMB By Madeleine Begun Kane
The fellow who ran OMB
Helped balloon Fed'ral debt with much glee.
It defies all belief
That he's Dubya's new Chief.
But he's loyal to George Bush, and that's key.
Daniel Henninger's latest Opinion Journal column's a doozy. It seems poor Dan's offended by the language used on blogs, citing as examples MySpace, the Huffington Post, and the Daily Kos. Putting aside the odd juxtaposition of My Space with Huffington and Kos, did you notice anything missing in that list? You guessed it -- apparently poor old Dan couldn't find any offensive language in right-wing blogs. What a surprise!
Daniel Thinks Left Blogs Are Coarse By Madeleine Begun Kane
Daniel thinks left blogs are coarse,
So he mutters atop his high horse.
Methinks that he's scared
Of opinions we air,
And he finds them a threatening force.
Henninger Waxes Loquacious By Madeleine Begun Kane
Henninger waxes loquacious,
Claiming blogs are unduly salacious.
He lumps Kos with MySpace,
But finds no right blogs base.
Dan's hypocrisy's rather audacious.
Dubya Ain't Known For Decorum By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dubya ain't known for decorum.
He'll embarrass at most any forum.
But it just doesn't hack it
To tug Prez Hu's jacket.
Sometimes it's best to ignore'm.
Bush Once Had A Press Guy Named Scott By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush once had a press guy named Scott,
Who always looked sweaty and hot.
No one bought what he said,
So it's off with his head.
Now Dub's spokesman, poor Scotty is not.
Andy and Josh deserves some limericks, too, don't you think?
Andy H. Card's Been Replaced By Madeleine Begun Kane
Andy H. Card's been replaced,
By Josh Bolten, that OMB ace.
But Bush/Cheney's still there,
And they're still waging guerre.
What a sad and unspeakable waste.
There Once Was A Fellow Named Card By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a fellow named Card,
Who worked for George Dubya quite hard.
He stepped down from his role,
Which has taken its toll,
And his rep will forever be scarred.
Ode To The Decider-In-Chief By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Decider-In-Chief's an angry man,
Lambasting folks who Rumsfeld pan.
He'll never dump his fav'rite Don,
Cause Don can't wait to nuke Iran.
And speaking of war mongering, I wrote "You Go To War With What You Have" some time ago in response to thischallenge, but I never posted it. This sure seems like an appropriate time:
You Go To War With What You Have By Madeleine Begun Kane
You go to war with what you have.
So what if you lose arms and calves,
And whole men too and gals galore,
Cause Bush and Don love waging war.
You go to war despite the pain.
You go because of leaders vain,
Who care not what becomes of you.
You're fighting for a Prez unglued.
You go to war though it is wrong.
Your battle's gone on way too long.
You suffer pain and great despair,
But George and Rummy just don't care.
Some Gen'rals are filling our ears,
With Rummy critiques and Bronx cheers.
What a shame they're so late,
And didn't join the debate
Before Bush got another four years.
War Against The Generals By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some Gen'rals say Rummy must go.
So I'm guessing they're traitors and foes.
Soon we'll hear that they're pals
With bin Laden, et al.
Or much worse, that they're Democrat bro's.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia on Wednesday called his 2004 decision not to recuse himself from a case involving Vice President Cheney, who is a friend of his, the "proudest thing" he has done on the court.
Scalia's Stability Revisited By Madeleine Begun Kane
When questioned about his refusal
To agree to a Dick case recusal,
Scalia claimed pride
That he didn't step aside.
His sanity needs some perusal.
When I heard that George Dubya had plans,
To attack and launch nukes at Iran,
I wasn't surprised.
I'd already surmised
That George Bush is a very sick man.
Our Country Has Gone Quite Awry By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our country has gone quite awry.
And it's not just the meanness and lies.
Bush and Cheney think nukes
Should be used to rebuke
Errant nations that Dubya defy.
Tom's speech was jam-packed with some gems.
His withdrawal he blamed on the Dems.
It seems Streisand and Moore
Forced him out the House door.
Has the Bugman been sniffing his chems?
At Lying And Cheating Tom's Best By Madeleine Begun Kane
At lying and cheating Tom's best.
Not to minimize crimes of the rest.
He's resigned from his post,
And his freedom is toast.
At long last we are rid of that pest.
Mugged By Dub's Drug Program By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dub's drug program's chock full of bugs.
It's a gift to insurance co thugs.
But he claims great success,
Though it's clearly a mess,
And it's driving our seniors to drugs.
Liberal bloggers are socialist tools.
Bush and Dick Cheney are brilliant and cool.
Army recruitment should start in preschool.
No need to panic. It's just April Fools.
Scalia's caught acting obscene,
In a church yet, how shockingly mean.
A photographer snapped it.
His subject said, scrap it!
It's time for that pic to be seen.
The Donation That Keeps On Giving By Madeleine Begun Kane
Storm fund donors often earmark cash for food and meals.
Others help build housing with great energy and zeal.
But Barbara Bush has found a cause with far more tax appeal:
A generous "donation" to herself, spouse George, and Neil.
Have you listened to the Dixie Chicks' latest? Great song and lyrics, and I can't wait to buy the album.
(If you missed the song parody I did about the way the wingnuts treated the Dixie Chicks, here's my "Traitor" Chicks Serenade.)
March 22, 2006 (The Rich And Unethical Harris - Limerick)
I just can't pass up the opportunity to make fun of KatherineHarris:
The Rich And Unethical Harris By Madeleine Begun Kane
The rich and unethical Harris
For her record should feel quite embarrassed.
But she breathily brags
She'll spend all and wear rags
To be Sen. Not a porn star in Paris.
March 20, 2006 (Russ Feingold Verse; Some Notable Posts)
Sorry I've been so quiet lately. Hubby Mark and I were visiting my parents in North Carolina and vacationing in South Beach. And we seem to have partied a bit too hard in South Beach, because we both came home sick a week ago, and we're still under the weather. In fact, I was planning to do a podcast version of this post, but I woke up today with laryngitis.
March 3, 2006 (Only Bush Can Protect Us Some Say; Some Notable Posts)
Only Bush Can Protect Us Some Say By Madeleine Begun Kane
Only Bush can protect us some say,
Though George Dubya deceives us each day,
Using fear and big lies,
No informed person buys.
Are we safer with Dubya? No way!
George Bush Keeps Demanding Our Trust By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Bush keeps demanding our trust,
Despite lies, wrongs, and actions unjust.
He misled us to war.
He's a con man hard-core.
And the Bush - Cheney reign is a bust.
There once was a fellow named Frist,
Who quite loudly the seaport sale dissed.
Frist has now changed his tune:
The Dubai deal's a boon.
I guess Karl has Frist's balls in a twist.
A State-Run Firm Based In Dubai By Madeleine Begun Kane
A state-run firm based in Dubai,
Is well known for its terrorist tie.
Yet George Dubya exhorts:
Give them keys to our ports.
It's a plan even Fristy won't buy.
I can't seem to stop writing song parodies about Cheney's shooting mishap. You can hear me sing my Faking Contrition here, to the tune of "Waltzing Matilda."
Faking Contrition Song Parody (Sing to "Waltzing Matilda")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Cheney feels bad that he shot his good friend.
If you don't buy his story, you're a lib'ral Democrat.
Leave him alone. This harassment must end.
Watch those right-wing pundits shouting on the TV tube,
Claiming that Cheney didn't do nothing wrong.
Don't expect them to challenge anything that Cheney does.
They'll do Dick's will for a smile or a song.
Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Dick's Secret Service the sheriff did oust.
But who cares if Dick's SS shielded Cheney from the law.
Who needs to know if Dick Cheney was soused?
Watch those right-wing loudmouths shouting on the TV tube,
Claiming that Cheney is wrongf'lly accused.
Don't expect them to challenge anything that Cheney does.
Don't mention facts. They'll just get all confused.
Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Cheney's chagrined that his shots went astray.
So who cares if Dick failed to follow Harry's ambulance?
Cheney's good thoughts are with Harry each day.
I just couldn't resist writing a song parody about Dick Cheney's quail hunting misadventure. You can hear me sing my Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney here, to the tune of "On Top Of Old Smokey."
Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney Song Parody (Sing to "On Top Of Old Smokey")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don't hunt with Dick Cheney.
You might end up dead.
He'll aim for your torso,
Or even your head.
He'll claim it's a quail shoot,
But that's just a front.
It really is humans
That Dick likes to hunt.
He might say he's sorry
And even act blue.
But that's just cause Cheney
Don't want to be sued.
So don't try to lobby
The VEEP on a hunt.
Cause shots meant for wildlife,
You're sure to confront.
New York's blizzard is finally over, but I'm still sore from shoveling snow. (When we have six inches of snow, neighbor teens eagerly peddle their snow shoveling services. But when we have two feet of snow, hubby Mark and I are on our own.)
Cheney Misfires -- Big Time! By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow named Whittington, Harry,
In the future will likely be wary
Of hunting with Dick who
Mistook him for quail stew.
The VEEP with a shotgun's quite scary.
And now a poem and a limerick about Congress's halfhearted efforts to reclaim some of its power:
George Dub's Defenders By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Dub's defenders shock me still,
Especially those up on the Hill.
Though Bush defies them every day,
Compliantly, they Bush obey.
You'd think those House and Senate guys
Would tire of George Bush's lies.
But though he treats them with disdain,
On his parade, they just won't rain.
Congressional Serfs By Madeleine Begun Kane
When Bush treats the Congress like serfs
They respond like they're powerless smurfs.
You'd expect out of pride
They wouldn't take Dubya's side
As he blithely takes over their turf.
The pundits are outraged
At Frey's memoir lies.
Too bad that Bush falsehoods
Don't get such a rise.
An Oprah Book Author Named Frey By Madeleine Begun Kane
An Oprah book author named Frey
Wrote a memoir quite jam packed with lies.
Then Ms. Oprah got mad.
She'd been publicly had.
So she tried to make Jimmy Frey cry.
Some Swear That Frey's Book Helped Them Cope By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some swear that Frey's book helped them cope
With their problems quite hefty in scope.
But now that they know
Frey's fact content was low,
Many feel like they're victims and dopes.
Do you think a personal poem might change a Senator's mind? Probably not, but it's worth a try. So I've written some personal verse for four of the Sam Alito filibuster holdouts: Senators Byrd, Landrieu, Akaka, and Nelson:
An Open Limerick To Senator Byrd By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sen. Byrd you're at times quite inspired,
Speaking words that I've often admired.
Now it's time to help muster
A Sam filibuster.
If you don't, all our rights shall expire.
An Open Limerick To Senator Akaka By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judge Alito's a dangerous man.
You must block his vote, Senator Dan.
He disdains all our rights,
So please join Kerry's fight,
And help stop Dubya's power mad plan.
An Open Poem To Senator Landrieu By Madeleine Begun Kane
Senator Mary, it's time to act tough.
Tell Georgie Dub that enough is enough.
Our rights are at risk with Judge Sam on the bench,
So block his appointment and act like a mensch.
An Open Poem To Senator Nelson By Madeleine Begun Kane
Senator Nelson, I'm begging you please,
Don't be a holdout and don't be a tease.
On Alito's promotion, you must put the squeeze,
Cause with Sam on that bench, all our freedoms shall cease.
From time to time MadKane visitors say, "Hey Mad, why don't you turn your political song parodies into an Off-Broadway show?" Well, if I ever rose to such a challenge, I'd be thrilled to create something even half as good as the musical revue hubby Mark and I saw Friday night.
I'm referring to Bush Wars: Musical Revenge, an outstanding production on all levels: script and lyrics, score, singing, piano playing, acting, etc. It's playing in New York City at the Collective: Unconscious through February 19th, and for a wonderfully entertaining (and insightful) good time, I urge you to see it.
Congratulations to all, especially these three gifted individuals: creator / writer / co-director Nancy Holson; cast member / co-director / choreographer Jay Falzone; and music director / pianist / composer / arranger Alex Rovang. Actually, the entire cast is outstanding! So kudos must also go to Jason Levinson, for his wonderful Dubya impersonation and to his equally entertaining fellow cast members, Abigail Nessen; Andrea McCormick; and Chris Van Hoy.
Around now, many of you are probably saying, "Hey, Mad, I don't live anywhere near New York City. Where the hell is my political hilarity?" Well don't worry -- I haven't forgotten you. I have several hilarious video clip links to recommend, plus a wonderful book of political verse.
But you don't have to take my word for it. Art Buchwald praised Don Davis's book with these words: "fun read" and "deserves success," while Will Durst called it a "richly satisfying smorgasbord of Don Davis's irreverent verse." And my good pal Skippyliked it too.
At first, Ginger asked me to send her a favorite recipe. After giggling uncontrollably I ... well ... this limerick will give you the gist of my response:
Cook? Who? Me? By Madeleine Begun Kane
I fear I'm a terrible cook,
And I just don't belong in this book.
I'm okay at reheating,
And decent at eating.
But my recipes all taste like gook.
Now I did offer to send Ginger a wonderful cocktail recipe invented by my husband Mark -- the SakeO'Tini. (Is there any other way to get through a Bush SOTU speech?)
Ginger graciously accepted, but pressed for something more. Which brings me to my latest song parody: Ode To Takeout, which you can sing to My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music.
Ode To Takeout (Sing To My Favorite Things)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Baked meat lasagna and Indian curry.
Sesame noodles. I'm famished! Please hurry!
Buddha's Delight that is fit for a king.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
Greek beef moussaka and cheese ravioli.
Brocc'li and eggplant, stir fried with aioli.
Barbecued chicken: Just breasts and some wings.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
When I'm feeling
Pangs of hunger,
Need fine food to eat,
I thumb through my menus and pick up the phone.
Cause takeout just can't be beat.
Turkey with stuffing that isn't too mushy.
Beef yakiniku, but please hold the sushi.
Salad that's topped with a dressing that zings.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
Chicken with walnuts and garlic, quite spicy.
Filet mignon. I don't care that it's pricey.
Lo mein and dumplings and fried onion rings.
Takeout is one of my favorite things.
When I yearn for
Something tasty
Need good food to eat,
I leaf through my menus and reach for the phone.
Cause takeout just can't be beat.
What? No Golden Globe For Alito's Wife? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Alito's wife cried at Sam's hearing,
Dabbing tissues at eyes that were tearing.
Though Republicans fawned
On this rightwingnut pawn,
Those mean Dems failed to join in the cheering.
A Bush Pioneer Who's Named Jack By Madeleine Begun Kane
A Bush pioneer who's named Jack
Raised for Dubya a huge money stack.
Bush now queries, Jack who?
Though he won't bid adieu
To the dough from that scurrilous hack.
George Bush Says His Spying Is Cool By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Bush says his spying is cool,
And he broke not a law, nor a rule.
What, he doesn't need warrants?
That man is abhorrent!
Those who trust him are nothing but fools!
Did The White House On Christiane Spy? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Did the White House on Christiane spy?
And on Rubin, a Kerry team guy?
Of course not, they say,
Cause the law says, no way.
Such spin from those scofflaws won't fly.
My next limerick reflects my inability to understand why former Clinton White House officials like Madeleine Albright and William Perry would be foolish enough to accept a Bush White House invitation for what most lefty bloggers could have predicted would be little more than a photo op stunt:
Consultation Dubya Style By Madeleine Begun Kane
When George Dubya extended that invite
To Clintonites Perry and Albright,
Did they think it was far
From Dub's sleazy PR?
If they did, then they aren't at all bright.
Preacher Pat once again made me groan,
When he spoke of the ailing Sharon:
For dividing God's land,
God struck down this man?
Pat believers, it's time to atone!
December 31, 2005 (Separated At Birth: Judy Miller & ...; Yippee! I won!)
For months I've been puzzling over who Judy Miller reminds me of, and I've finally figured it out -- Harriet Sansom Harris, from Frasier and Desperate Housewives: