From the course: Working with Difficult People

Distinguish the behavior from the person

From the course: Working with Difficult People

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Distinguish the behavior from the person

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It's really tempting to let someone's negative behavior color your entire view of them as a person. And we definitely do this with coworkers. You might write them off completely rather than recognizing them as complex individuals, but no one's entire being should be defined by their worst actions. Think about the quality in yourself that you're least proud of. Would you want people to make assumptions about who you are as a person based just on that behavior? I know this course is about dealing with difficult people, but what I really want you to think about is dealing with difficult behavior. By distinguishing the behavior from the person, you'll see the human underneath and create space for them to show up differently. This person who's frustrating you likely does have good qualities and intentions, even if they aren't obvious right now. When you give people the benefit of the doubt and assume best intentions, they tend to show up as better versions of themselves. Now, this doesn't mean excusing harmful actions, but maintaining empathy enables productive conversation. When we separate the person from the behavior, they become someone who's behaving in a problematic way, but who is capable of change. And with understanding and collaboration, transformation often can happen. In our next video, we'll explore the levels of difficult behavior that you might be encountering.

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