From the course: Having Difficult Conversations

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Avoid resisting resistance

Avoid resisting resistance

- There's nothing more discouraging than working up the courage to initiate that difficult conversation only to be met with the other person's resistance. They disagree. They don't understand. They are not willing to cooperate. They shift the conversation to distract you. But the biggest trap in difficult conversations is not about their resistance. It's when you resist their resistance. So what does resisting their resistance mean? It means that they have an emotional response to what you said and their emotional response triggers you. Emotions then take over and you're no longer in charge of the conversation. Let's take a look at the four As to see where we step into the trap of resisting their resistance. Anger, argument, acquiescence, and avoidance. When someone says, "You're so unfair," and you say back, "I knew you would say that," now you're angry at them because they are angry with you. Arguing is when they say, "You don't understand," and you say, "No, you don't understand."…

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