Looking past empathy: Connecting with perspective

- The ability to empathize with others has frequently been described as a key predictor of emotional intelligence. But what if you're someone that finds empathizing difficult? As we learn more about neurodivergence, it's becoming clear in research that some people find the concepts of empathy tricky, and there are some who naturally seem to have the ability to empathize but the process consumes so much energy, they avoid empathizing so they don't become emotionally overwhelmed or burnt out. So it's time to replace the focus on empathy in the workplace with a focus on understanding perspectives. There's a subtle and important difference between these. When understanding perspectives, you can acknowledge and respect the views of others without feeling their feelings in your body. This could look like taking some time to reflect on what you know about people you're interacting with, and imagining how they might experience situations that you find yourselves in. You're not looking for the right answer as to what the other person is thinking or feeling. Rather, you're asking questions to find out more and imagining the possibilities of how someone may think or feel. Of course, you don't want to assume you know exactly what a situation is like for someone else, that can actually be counterproductive as it can alienate the other person if your assumptions are incorrect. Here's a tip. Take some time before meeting with others to remind yourself you want to learn more about the other person's perspective when you're meeting. Set that intention before getting together. You can take a moment to cognitively process what you know already about the other person based on prior interactions. Another tip is to actively explore the other person's perspective when you're interacting, rather than avoiding it or just trying to get your point across. You can ask questions such as, "Tell me more about where you're coming from." Or, "I really want to understand your perspective on this. What am I missing?" There are two benefits to this type of interaction, especially in heated or challenging situations. Firstly, you are far more likely to understand the other person's values, objectives, and agenda by asking these questions, which will make negotiations simpler and solutions easier and quicker to find. Secondly, you're likely to build strong relationships as the other person feels that you've truly heard what they have to say and you've taken time to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree. And doesn't everyone want to be heard, acknowledged, and understood? So, it's over to you. Over the next couple of weeks, challenge yourself to practice perspective reflecting.