Your client is guarded and hesitant to engage. How can you build trust and deepen conversations with them?

Validate, Validate, Validate, Validate! You want trust with your client? Listen carefully to what they're telling you and then reflect back the most salient, key points you hear. Then, validate their emotional experience and reflect back any nugget of truth you hear. End with "does that sound right?" (or your version of it) to confirm understanding. In that place where they are seen and heard they're able to be more authentic and share more and more openly.

Listening helps clients open up more than anything else, period. Stay silent when you listen - even "uh-huhs" and "mm-hmms" are interruptions and will dissolve trust and safety. Sometimes a coach is the ONLY person who has ever listened to the client, so having excellent listening skills will take a coach far in terms of building trust. In terms of summarizing and reflecting, I listen for the underlying emotions/feelings. The story is not important. I might notice something, reflect that back, then ask, "What are YOU noticing?" to invite the client to go deeper - if they desire. If they do not want to go deeper, move on and follow their lead!

Somatics (the body or nonverbal cues) is a powerful coaching tool. By paying attention to the client's body language, you can be curious why the client is reacting in a certain way, for example, their breathing, posture, or micro-expression, and ask, "What happened there?", "You looked away for a second. What came up for you?"

Creating a safe space in coaching involves actively listening to your client, responding sensitively to their cues, and moving with them through the process--like a dance. You want to avoid pushing them around the dance floor or stepping on their toes; it's about mutual respect and a balanced give-and-take. Engage fully with your client's words and emotions, demonstrating empathy and understanding. Tune into non-verbal signals and emotional nuances, responding with care and respect. Navigate the coaching journey fluidly, adjusting pace and direction based on your client's comfort and readiness. By creating a dynamic of trust and mutual respect through attentive listening and responsive interaction, you can foster safety.

Start by acknowledging and respecting their boundaries, allowing them to feel comfortable and in control of the pace of the coaching sessions. Demonstrate empathy and understanding towards their reservations without judgment. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings at their own pace. Validate their concerns and reassure them of confidentiality and respect for their privacy. Establish a consistent and reliable presence in their coaching journey to reinforce trust over time. Gradually introduce reflective exercises or journaling to help them explore their feelings more deeply. Create a supportive environment where the client feels safe to open up and engage more fully.

To build trust with a guarded client, start with gentle questioning techniques. Use open-ended questions that invite them to share more about themselves without feeling pressured. For example, ask about their goals and what they hope to achieve through coaching. Show genuine interest in their responses, and listen actively without interrupting. Reflect back what they say to show you understand and value their perspective. Share some of your own experiences to create a connection. Be patient, as building trust takes time. Your consistent support and understanding will help them feel safe to open up.

Shame, blame, and guilt are the 3 horsemen of the behavior change apocalypse. I come from the fitness industry, which uses those 3 as marketing tools and "motivation" - but in reality, they shred emotional wellbeing and kill long term adaptation. Avoid them like the plague.