Dealing with a coachee who craves approval in personal coaching. How can you help them build self-validation?

Existe algumas situações que passamos, onde há possibilidade de avaliar se estamos fazendo a coisa certa. Exemplo: O que estamos fazendo no nosso dia a dia, são coisas importantes, urgentes ou poderíamos deixar para outras pessoas pessoas ou excluir da demanda. Se estamos procrastinando as coisas para realizar; Se estamos fugindo ou fingindo que algo não aconteceu. Dessa forma, analise o seu dia a dia para poder ter um plano assertivo e de qualidade para atingir seus objetivos.

A primeira etapa é gerar consciência para o coachee através de perguntas e sem apontar esse comportamento. Sem julgamento o coach precisa conduzir o seu cliente para que ele perceba o que está acontecendo e o impacto que está gerando.

Helping a coachee who craves approval build self-validation involves fostering self-awareness, self-compassion, and practical strategies. Start by identifying triggers and exploring underlying beliefs through journaling and discussions. Encourage self-compassion exercises and reframing negative self-talk. Teach them to set personal standards, celebrate small wins, and practice mindfulness. Role-playing and scenario planning can build confidence in handling approval-seeking situations. Emphasize the importance of positive relationships and professional support if needed, ensuring ongoing reflection and adjustment to reinforce their growth in self-validation.

Depois de gerar a consciência o próximo passo é entender a raiz dessa atitude, e o autoconhecimento é uma ótima ferramenta para isso. Perguntas abertas no estilo "como" e "porque" vão ser grandes aliadas nesse momento.

It all starts with taking tiny decisions in life - the ones that don't have a huge impact. Start building up from there. You could start by choosing your own dress to wear or making a small purchase all by yourself. Deciding what you cook or eat, without getting someone's approval. These are small decisions involving making choices that are manageable and relatively low-stakes. These will slowly and gradually build a sense of self-trust and validation in your daily life.

I always work with my coachees to segment their goals into small and big goals. I help them to understand that they only way to hitting their big goals is to achieve the small goals leading to the big goals. And celebrating every small goal achieved. This gives them some sort of satisfaction. Great achievers always have high expectations for themselves, and they always go for more.

In my experience of both being and coaching high-achievers, no matter how realistic the goal, they still have very high standards of themselves and tend to be quite self-critical, even perfectionistic. A portion of this client set (but not all) also highly value acceptance and belonging, and therefore look to others or externally for positive feedback and validation. To assist these clients in taming the inner critic, perfectionism, and people-pleasing tendencies I focus on building self-confidence and self-trust, focusing on their strengths as affirmations, and sharing Brene' Brown's BRAVING framework (the building self-trust vrs) for fair self-evaluation, and encourage clients to create something similar for independent self-evaluation.

To help a coachee who craves approval build self-validation, you can use a series of reflective questions. Start by understanding their need for approval with questions like, "What do you feel when you receive approval from others?" and "How do you feel when you don't receive the approval you're seeking?" Explore their self-worth by asking, "What are some qualities you admire in yourself?" and "What skills or talents do you possess that you are proud of?" Delve into their personal values with questions like, "What values are most important to you and "Can you think of a time when you acted in alignment with your values, These reflective questions can guide your coachee in developing a stronger sense of self-validation.

Something else to consider is to have the Coachee create a list of their strengths or skills and how they can use those to serve others. By focusing on those strengths or skills, it will allow the Coachee the opportunity to gain confidence while focusing the attention towards the betterment of those whom she/he serves.

My favourite strategy to use is to ask the coachee for their perspective before offering mine. When and if I offer mine, I give it as either to back up what the coachee has said thereby reinforcing her self-trust. Or, offering another angle which she may not have noticed