You may have seen it on the news: the State of California has enacted a rare law that allows residents to remove and replace State Governor Gray Davis, pending a vote to be held on October 7. If it passes, this will make Davis only the second state Governor in U.S. History to be pulled from office -- the first being North Dakota Governor J. Dobbs Marlin, who was removed from his post in 1921 after he dropped his pants in the state legislature and demanded that the Secretary of the Treasury pelt his privates with bullion.

This gave me two brilliant ideas, only one of which involved my privates. The second idea was nearly as powerful: I could be the Governor of California. After all, I've lived here a few years, and my parole officer has advised me not to leave the state for quite some time. Apparently, it only takes 65 signatures to get your name on the ballot -- that kind of support could easily be drummed up in the GameSpy forums. I'm all in!

California's Gross Domestic Product is over a trillion dollars, making it the fifth largest economy in the world. Bigger than France or China! Running California would be just like running a world power, albeit one filled with a disproportionate share of nerds, hippies, and movie stars.

A Gaming Platform

The timing for the elections is perfect. I've never successfully made a bid for Congress or the Presidency yet because of the timing -- those November elections come right in the middle of the holiday gaming season, and to tell you the truth I'd rather be playing Doom III or Half-Life 2 than watching the exit polls on TV. That's why this whole October election thing is the way to go: The elections will be long over with, and I'll be in the Governor's mansion playing Mario Cart Double Dash in my underwear on the no-doubt extra-huge big-screen Governor's TV.

California is also the perfect state from which to launch an "All-Videogame" platform. We've got the geeks of silicon valley, the game publishers of San Franciso, and the whole Hollywood connection. Had Mario been born a U.S. citizen, he'd probably already have a Senate seat here. Also, it's a stronger platform than my co-editor shaithis's plan for the state: "Empty it and start again."

It begins with a rousing speech, every syllable uttered in the most rousingest of ways:

My Fellow Gamers,
Gaming is under attack! From the government! From lobbyists! From campers, lamers, and newbs! We must rail forth against this challenge, rail, RAIL! Put the rail, as we would when playing Quake! If elected, I promise to blah, blah blah, blah blah.

I'd actually say the words "blah blah," because at that point I know that the mind of the gamer will have wandered elsewhere and CNN would've already cut back to their anchordesk. Besides, I'd be saving my energy for phase two of my campaign. Forget "a chicken in every pot." Howabout:

A T1 in Every Home.

Click to see Fargo's online campaign in action.
That's a powerful concept. Not nearly as powerful as my campaign strategy, which eschews expensive mass-media in favor of running my whole campaign from within the massively multiplayer game Star Wars Galaxies. If President McKinley could win the White House by campaigning from his front porch, I can win California from the planet Tatooine.

Also, once I'm elected, I'll make Fox bring back Futurama.