As the sun traversed the pale blue sky, the conversation turned from business to personal matters. "People think that when you're dead, you don't have to worry about stuff like hygiene anymore. Not true. Hair and fingernails keep growing! In fact, I'm saving the clippings to make a boat."

He withdrew a small canister from an inside jacket pocket. "Binaca?" he offered. I politely declined. He opened wide and sprayed some of the breath spray into his mouth, which only resulted in spraying the back of the guy's head behind him.

"You seem remarkably content," I observed. "Is it because you've left the cares of the earthly world behind you? But surely it's not all roses underneath the, uh, daisies. What kinds of things keep you up at night?"

"THE DEAD NEVER SLEEP!" he boomed. "But we take powernaps, for sure. Four or five a day. In the office, I carry around a blankie." He sipped the last of his tea, much of it leaking out onto his shirt. "But I am certainly successful nowadays. Blizzard pays well, both in cash and harvested organs. I don't have to pay rent and aside from the brains of the living, I don't eat. It's inconvenient."

"Can you castle my King for me? When I touch his cross, it burns my hands."
"Ah yes!" I said, knowledgably. "Food turns to ash in your mouth, and gives you no pleasure. Like in Pirates of the Caribbean!"

He snorted. "Please! Hollywood doesn't know anything about the undead, otherwise they coulda tacked on an awesome extra 20 minutes after the ending of Thelma and Louise. No, I can eat food, and it tastes great. In fact, shortly after I was reanimated, I ate a hamburger."

"What happened?"

He withdrew a maggoty greenish blob from a cavity below his rib cage. "Still here!"

I asked for the check.

When the waitress set it down on the table and I reached for my wallet, Thomas motioned for me to stop. "My treat," he said, pulling out his Visa card.

The waitress peered at the plastic card, particularly the little photo on the front of it. It depicted a smiling young man, full of life, with bright blond hair, lively eyes, and pink cheeks. "This doesn't look like you," she pointed out, suspiciously.

"I got contacts," Thomas explained.