It may seem odd for me to do a column about Soul Calibur. After all, the original Dreamcast game is now five years old, and the sequel for other platforms came out in 2003. Of course, that doesn't stop if from being the party game at the Fargo household. Just last weekend in fact: first we busted out an import version of Donkey Konga, and when we realized we hadn't yet drank enough to understand Japanese, we fired up the Soul Calibur II.

What is this game's lasting appeal? Is it the finely tuned gameplay? The accessibility to new players? The fact that it's got a pirate? An undead pirate, at that, which instantly makes it a classic? Is it the fact that Taki is clearly modeled as though she is naked, but her clothes are just painted on to make it look like she's wearing a red bodysuit? No, I don't think that's it, although I'm getting all tingly just talking about it.

No, the fact is, the Soul Calibur and Soul Edge games teach us important life lessons. In fact, I would go so far as to say that...

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Soul Calibur

1. "Justice Will Prevail. Just Kidding!"

Xianghua squeals this cryptic line in glee shortly after kicking your ass in the game, usually by poking you in the foot with her blade while you were in the middle of some crazy combo requiring much more skill. Her statement is a microcosm of life. Yes, we all want to believe that justice will prevail, and we live our lives under such a premise -- but she is here to remind us, with an OJ Simpsonian premonition, that justice is sometimes elusive in this world. Bravo, Xianghua, bravo.

Now, to be fair, in the Dreamcast version of Soul Calibur she actually says, "Seigi wa katsu ... nanchatte!" and "Justice will prevail" isn't an exact translation. I believe a more literal translation is "Don't you want to just lick me up and down like a popsicle?"

At least, that's what I hear.

2. No Matter How Good Life is Going, Someone Can Always Cheese You Out of the Ring

I'm glad that a lot of kids play video games, because this is an important life's lesson that needs to be drilled into our brains early. You could be flying high. Life can be going great. Maybe you just bought a new couch. You're thinking, "I got me a new couch. It's got one of those big ends and one of them small ends. I'm set. Life is GREAT." And that very next day you'll go into work and in a big meeting in front of the boss someone will accuse you of making a deadline slip. Suddenly, you're not looking good for that bonus. Suddenly, you're working until 11 PM that night. You've just been knocked out of the ring, baby.

I would like to suggest that from now on, whenever this happens, you should be allowed to react as you would in Soul Calibur. That is, in the big meeting, you should be able to leap out of your seat and yell, "CHEESE!" Then, you can demand a rematch.