100 crazy stories of America's dumbest criminals.

WARNING: The crimes you are about to read are true. The names have been changed . . . to protect the ignorant.

Here is the ultimate collection of the most incredibly stupid and painfully dumb attempts at crime ever brought together.

• The woman who invalidated her winning $5,000 lottery ticket by altering it to match the $20 prize number
• The accused vending-machine thief who paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters
• The streaking robber who thought clothes would make him more identifiable
• The convenience store thief who got away with just a hotdog, only to end up in the parking lot choking on the wiener