Simplicity.

Once again, thinking about it all.

Is everything going smoothly? I can't tell, I really don't know. Our chats don't seem to be of much fun lately. Pretty stiff..but I am trying, really trying.

Should you know? Would it improve the current situation if you knew?

2 sides, 2 different views,
One wants you to know
but one's afraid of losing you
I don't know where each path may take me
Nor which to take
What fate lies in stall, for the paths before

A choice I have to make,
but which path should I forsake?
Each path holds so dear to me
Something only my eyes can see

-3/2/09-

When things look better, it certainly doesn't last.
It was partially my doing, not going to make any excuses this time
I just didn't give my words any extra thought.
I just brushed you off and ended the chat like that when I got frustrated.
I am terribly sorry...I really didn't mean for it to come out like this nor for everything to be like this.

I waited with hope...my waiting allowed me to catch a glimpse of you before you walked off into the distance, to higher ground.
Wanted to run after you to apologize but didn't in the end, I didn't want to spoil your day, like what & how I did it to you last night.

A painful lesson it is, when my iPod doesn't stop feeding my ears with songs of love.
The trip home, was both lonely and hurting.
I really want to tell you everything but the chances always slip out of my grasp.
Is it not the right time again? Do I have to see you walk away from me?
Do I have to watch everything crumble away...

-It's pouring on a bright sunny Tuesday at 4:50p.m.-

Hmm...sch life is still as hectic as ever.
Long day I had ytd, gosh...9-5:30 (Should have been 6, but dismissed early as everyone wasn't listening).

Had pizza with Sam at SP..gosh, how did he ever talk me into dat? LOL

Anw..headed to my friendly audio shop to get (one of) my last purchases. Going to tone down this hobby of mine. Rather save for other better stuff...maybe like food? LOLS

Had my ears pumped, which is...to get pumped with silicon to get my ear mold.
Yes, am making a custom =)
For the benefit of the majority, shan't talk more about it, would bore everyone else except 2 people!

How was today? Simply tiring.
Why? Blame Zach partly. Idiot, came so late, yes, right after my first round at the gym with ZY & Wayne -.-

In total, I ran approx. 5.8km and did other exercises...
Went for Rotaract Annual General Meeting...okay, short & simple, too simple.
Had subway for dinner and yea, took a bus ride home with da jokers.

That's it for now. Mood is slightly better...but still rather bad.

I am gonna keep this short though I have things which I want to blog about.

How's CNY been? Just say..not something I expected nor wanted.
What's ang pao with all these problems?
Nvm..I shall try to cheer up.

Been pretty emotional tonight as it is.
Few people have showed concern to me, appreciate it much guys.
No idea why I am being like this on a fine night. Nothing annoyed me or caused me any pain.
Music ain't helping to cheer me up, which only means one thing affecting me and somehow I don't know why it's arising tonight.

No matter...keeping my composure as I am typing this.

Oh oh...what's wrong with me tonight?

It was my Chinese Birthday yesterday :D
Who knew it would start with me being woken up really early in the morning because relatives from Malaysia had arrived..

Was still really groggy, so continued to lie on my bed lol!
Dragged myself out like only 30minutes later..

Hmm...my aunt and cousin went to check into Novotel soon after,
my parents brought my grand parents out.

I was just left alone at home ~_~
Didn't want to do anything. So just sat on my sofa and dozed off =X

Woke up, watched some tv...
Parents came home to pick me up because I was complaining at how my day was turning out to be =P

Finally I was out of the house...headed to Robinsons, wanted to see some clothes but couldn't find any. Who knew..I ended up having my eyes caught on a bag. Ahhhh....I seriously have too many sling bags. Need something to replace my big Nike and not my smaller sling bags T_T
Nvm... it's nice :D

Had a nice dinner at Teochew City at Centrepoint :D
Food tasted quite nice but somehow, the dishes all seemed lukewarm...uhhh...
And my promfet swam to another table so ended up eating the last dish, ee-fu mian, before the fish LOL
and and and and I LOVE YAM PASTE =)
Been soooooooooooo long since I ate a nice bowl ;)

Came home..chatted on msn, and in the end was pissed with how some people talk.
Don't wish to rake it up to spoil my reunion dinner mood anw
You just spoilt my morning like TOTALLY.

Appeared offline and crapped with Debbie darling and Joey.
Lol, idiot idiot Joey -.- and of cos Allan, they both make me speechless.
You 2 and your secrets..wah lau, terribly shocking.

Okay...I am bit sleepy, shall go get some shut eye for a while :D

[Side note deleted as have sent an sms too]

Gah...am still really sleepy and yet I am once again blogging at 12 am >_>

Okay...sooo...hmm,

My mum fetched me to NP this morn as she was gonna do some last min preparations for CNY.
Would love to be able to drive myself...saves me SO MUCH TIME -.-
And...need not stand in a crowded roving sardine tin can.

Something unfavourable happened..but am not really going to touch on it. Only 1 other person knows.
Was early, sat down at the underpass with WJ & Ann. Got pretty bored after a while so..decided to head into da CC area. Chatted with Wilson and his dar before heading to sit down with them.
Sorry guys, didn't really have the mood to sit in lecture with you all after what happened.

Nearly fell asleep during first part of the lecture. Zzzz....
Whew, lucky no repeat of my nap at the hairdresser's LOL!!
But I think I am going to re-enact the scene if I don't get to bed soon =P

Anw..after ITB, ZY and I stayed back a while to discuss bout MIEC article. Then we had a long chat..fancy that, we were so sian doing the article but we had so much energy chatting lol!

After that, rushed home, put down my bag and went out with my Mum to have dinner with my Dad :D Been like 2weeks since I last saw him! Woopeeeeeees and Chinatown is so crowded! ROAR.

Okay, too tired
NITES

I really don't have the mood to upload pics lol
Blame imeem, it ain't taking 1 song =( and so I got pissed.

Had BCOMM Oral Presentation 2 Trial run today...err, dang.
Performance wasn't good, not something I expected. Blanked out a bit for a few seconds.
Only could blame myself for not being more productive bah...and so I slept at 4am and plainly couldn't give my best, my throat ain't well too. Why...all at this kind of crucial period? >_>

Anw...went to the bus stop after MIEC. Was standing right smack in the middle and calling people up..funny thing, all girls. LOL
K back to da topic, before making the 1st call, looked up and saw Stef -.-
She gave me dat cheeky gleeful smile. I went up to her and asked why she saw me and yet didn't call me, she replied that she wanted me to look up and see her ~_~
Wah..no comments LOL
and yes, she likes my Starck Veiled by Fossil watch but keeps asking if it's scratched yet...evil girl!!

Anw...took 52 to Bishan to get my hair cut for CNY.
Man..was so sleepy that I ended up falling asleep while waiting for my turn =XXX
My hair is pretty short now =/

Nvm..went to meet Allan at J8 for dinner :D
Yea, dated each other again LOL
Had pastamania, okay la...not too bad.
Roamed around J8 to help him find out the various prices of contact lenses from optical shops..and also to look for nice pair of sunnies for myself =X (Conclusion: I still love that D&G I saw but I can't think of that now, got other stuff to buy!)

Okay. Am officially tired and a chat with someone didn't go too well just now..
So yea, not much mood to carry on right now.
Another time perhaps =)

With each passing day, you come closer to the truth

Sorry to hear what happened Nadine =/

Take care of yourself~! ;)

Totally forgot to blog bout ytd..

Went out with my mum, to Orchard.
Okay..she was really really in a bad mood >_>
Damn scared can...

She snapped at so many people =/
Oh well, nvm...at least she's better right now =)

Bought loadsa stuff ytd x.x
It's CNY shopping anw, so nvm I guess =X

Ran practically all over town luh....and I got Ayumi's new single :DDDD
Had such a hard hunting for that alternate jacket (album cover)...
And yeap, am happy, Ayumi's back :DDD

Had sushi tei for dinner...hmm, I didn't really enjoy it.
Food was okay..but I don't want to go to the Taka outlet already =(
They got this lady shouting out orders...the whole place sounded like some zhi char place.

Anw...I really have no mood to blog (Ain't it easy to tell?)
I shan't say anything more. Time to clarify some things with some people.

Tata

Ahh..another weekend has passed.
Practically didn't get involved anything concerning my studies except stinking S&W (Had to have a stupid attachment when I needed MORE SLEEP) and CATS (Mrs Mak would skin me alive if I didn't do anything) LOL

Hoho..have I really stopped thinking about affairs of the heart this time? It seemed to be awfully easy..apart from all that thinking and controlling on the trip from Dover - Yishun on Sat...
I don't know what to think about it all any longer.
Maybe it was wrong to talk to some people about it? Comments are of course mixed..I knew it from the start. However, am not vexed bout what people say tell me from their observations..but rather your actions and how you treat me, even it all seems to improve a little by little, I guess, it wasn't really much in your eyes.

Having said all this, I will still continue treating you like how I always have.
I shall keep my feelings mum and away from the light of world once again, like I have done, ever since a few months back. (Those who know about my previous case, lets say...it was just a misunderstood feeling, because it really is. She and I really couldn't connect. Period.)
This time round..let's say I am puzzled as it is. Some times I wonder if you do know or do not.
Nvm that...it will come, when it's time.

I don't know if I am making the right choice at the moment.
But I am doing what's best for my family, my friends and myself given the current situation from my view point. I have to be selfish for this time.

Not sure if you indeed do read my blog, and if you know about this matter, this emotional turmoil. I do hope that a clarification could come through.

I may sound sterned, I may sound frustrated, I may just sound like some guy complaining bout the affairs of his heart. But this time, I do know I have done nothing wrong. And we simply are strangers when we meet each other.

Whatever happens, how ever you may feel after reading this.
I hope you know that I hold you dearly in my heart.

It will come when it's time. Keeping mum about it just means I don't want to risk everything we have built up. You're someone I don't wish to see, fade away with time.
Though the times we share are slowly becoming...normal. I will cherish them all, as I always have.

.....all it took was for a crush, to spark these feelings to surface.
These that lay deep down ever since Day 1. These that I promised to not let out in my first year of poly. Alas, they're real, they're true. But they will still be untold to you. Sorry, I daren't gamble, not on this friendship.

Ahh...I forgot to thanks someone special for going through some tough times with me during the recent (and over) hols.

Thanks Des for participating with me in this big project. No idea if it was fruitful.
Hope you had as much fun as I did =)

Thanks a mil, hard to find a bro like ya.

Stay safe & good luck for your COMPRO test later on in the day!! =)

Ahh..once again, am stuck stayin up late into the wee hours of the morning again.
Damn ITB...why can't you just be so much simpler..we're future accountants, not IT technicians and such...

Oh well...really want to get it over and done with. Still got to handle database creation.
This utterly sucks.

Okay okay..no more ranting, no more complaining.

Don't want to waste Ben Lim's effort of lecturing me when he's so exhuasted haha

Nothing much to report..except that my headphone, the legendary Sony CD900ST has arrived from Japan =)

Took like what...a day for it to reach our shores? That's definetely speedyyyyyyyy.
Loving it to a great extent, wish would sleep with it on LOL, okay, way too geeky.

Hoho, surprise call from Mattie today. Apparently he came to NP with his pals and Des Ong was there with him at CC. Met them after MIEC for a brief chat. Had to rush off and complete MYOB (YAY, IT'S OVER!). Matt, u still owe me money for the booze at Allan's

To Allan: They don't wanna pay full cost because there's still left over at your place..they say tab's on you LOL

Anw anw...

Would like to thank some people for tryng to get me out of the zone of negativity.

Namely, Ben Lim, Ben Choh & Winnie =)

Love you 3 loads and the other people who helped me along the way but am wayyy too tired and mentally drained to recall.

Thank Deborah for showing me concern upon knowing I was ill, she even told the S&W teacher that I may not be coming lol. Thought you would forget bout it haha, great gal u are :D

Okayyyyy...back to ITB!
Nightwish, I need your help, keep me awake with your electric guitars LOL

Russell...stop thinking about her...stop...stop...
It ain't worth it if she suddenly takes off and leaves without saying anything...
Stop fretting...do your work...
Figure out how she feels about you later on..after all the projects have been completed.
GO GO GO!

Okay...ITB just made me, 1 screw less...

To my bro:

Hey...was darn worried for you when you sent me that sms.
Don't beat yourself up over her..especially when she's in the wrong from the start.
You did what your heart viewed was in the best interest for the both of you.
You confessed your feelings for her.
She in turn, didn't appreciate you and your efforts and however, neglected you further and hurt you so much more.

Don't think so much about her. It ain't worth the trouble and brain cells.
If you need me, you know how to reach me ;)

P.S. Get your meals right, stop skipping them -.-

Went back to school for ITB project.

I apologize to my group for being absolutely so late. Was wanting to get ready till I saw HDB contractors cementing the floor landing outside my house. Wth?
Waited for like an hour plus till the cement was dry before I could head out..

Omg..ITB is seriously a big headache -.-
I hate formatting codes ROAR!!
We left the library at its stated closing time...the Indian lady who was checking the place really bitched at us la...den I just mummered that she rushing home to cook curry LOL
Whew..lucky she didn't hear me, but apparently Jessie and Jun had mighty ears, leading to me being labelled as racists and them having a good laugh >_>

Walked to Makan Place and along the way, saw Aneza outside Ourspace LOL
And..she had this really funny Ambass fren with her who went: "We can give out all our cup cakes to anyone right now but sorry we can't give them to you as we have given them all out."
ZY and I went >_> after that cos we didn't want cup cakes, we want DINNER xD

Sooo...had dinner with ZY at Makan Place, dang...bad eating experience there. Only stall left open was the Jap stall -.- and I really didn't feel like having Kaki Fuyong today!
Oh well..had dinner and chatted with ZY.

We shifted outside as the place was closing for the day, we waited for Wayne to walk on over from Block 72 after Envoy's duty..he ran here like some mad bull -.-
Damn funny xD
But he left soon after to go chilling with the other Envoys

Continued talking about various topics with ZY...yada yada yada~
Total duration for dinner and chatting 6-9.
That chat really made me actually to pick out the more positive things in life though the topic got me quite down. Ironic but true xD

Was pretty cheerful on the way home, though I needed to wait for 20mins for both my buses =/
Such excruciating long wait..
I doubt I want to take that route again =/
151 & 154 FTW!!

Gah! In view of increasing amount of tasks piling up and having a lack of free time (with the excess dedicated to recuperating), I am going to scrape the idea of posting the pics for: Xmas Indochine Gathering and the New Year Party at Allan's Place. Go check the others' blogs wahahaha x)

Update on Open House Duty.

Helped out for Spin@ACC yesterday.
I hate the outfits, RAH! Damn you Survivor theme.
It was quite boring with little people streaming into the room actually..mainly because there wasn't really a big sign to tell people that ACC's room is there and....
Zach was busy being a clown outside the WHOLE time (he never did talk to anyone), trying to get people to come in LOL

Envoy's Duty today.
Uhhh...not very cool, it seriously lacked visitors =(
But a lot of Malaysians came (maybe just because I entertained many of them LOL)
Some parents are quite cool..they ask nice questions, while their child just...errrr...look around aimlessly and wishes to just fly on home and enjoy the nice Friday x)

Everyone pretty much ended up feeling tired, most identifiable - Welcoming Crew, their energy levels damn low during mid day and for some utter reason, Janice can still whack my head -.-

Yeap..Illias is an idiot =/
Keep asking me to do another shift, NO WAY MAN! LOLS

It would have been a not so bad day for Open House except for the final exchanges nearing the end. Oh well, can't do much about it. Since you voiced your displeasure cos of the situation, then I guess I shall respect your feelings about all of this.

Went with the guys to the Queenstown Sports Complex.
Zach was hunting for a gift and Sam kena ripped off for his NEW water bottle LOL
He bargained with a store upstairs to lower the R.P. $8 to $5.50 and thought he got an achievement till he went downstairs where a shop was only selling it for $4 xD

We headed to Ikea for some snacks, cheap hot dogs :D
Took away some chicken wings for my parents as well..
And..Zach and Wayne forgot to take their newly bought goods from the table where we were eating -.-
Sam and I watched with much amuse seeing both of them shouting and running down the escalator ROFL

Yeap...that concludes my tiring day, and I nearly fell aslp in the bus again >_>

And so.. I am going to bed, I AM SO FREAKING TIRED RIGHT NOW

Hmm...

Wed- S&W
Something's wrong with blogging mood >_>

Anw...

Was overall in charge of activities, coach think she funny la...make me do so many things. Keep track of time and stuff when I am supposed to be training, dats tough LOL
Time just fliessssss~

Errr...Got bit pissed during CATS, but that's not out of the ordinary.

After that went to Ben Lim's house to slack time away to kill some time before the Spin@ACC briefing starts at 5...
Cool..wish can come out of my lift then my door's right in front of me, no need search for my keys to unlock it too LOLS

Cosy house I should admit :D
And he and his sister has a hyper pet bird...
It wanted to fly and land on my shoulder but I avoided then it smacked its head into da glass cupboard door. Ouch. I didn't know what it was doing >_> NOT 100% MY FAULT xD

Took bus back to NP for the briefing and got into a crowded bus home after that =/

And well,

Happy Birthday Sam =)
You're a year older...time for you to put forth your plans for being able to hold a cigarette infront of policemen LOL

And, yes, your present was that scare I gave you after MIEC :P
Your look was just absolutely classic!

Hmm...am really wanting to update this blog but I can't seem to find the time.

Sorry all =/

To sum up: Busy busy busy busy...confused...headache...tired

-Rubbishhhhhhhhhhhh-
(Disclaimer: I am not gonna commit suicide)
[Last few drops of brain juices churned this crap out]

Too many things are going through my mind
Tons to consider
Unsure of the right decision to be made in time
Headaches appear, Frustration takes over,
May this all end soon, so that I may bide all this goodbye

18th of Dec...(Okay damn late post xD), Day of Envoys briefing and sign up for Open House.
Met Serena for the briefing early in the morning..
Was kind of late due to not being able to get a bus >_>
Ended up that I rushed for nothing as they started like 40mins late!! =.=

Serena and I wished the briefing would end faster...LOL
It was just too darn boring, it finally ended after like...decades....

Accompanied her to Raffles City as she wanted to see stuff and I was kind of bored and needed to stay out till later in the evening. Had Sushi Tei as brunch.
She eats VERY VERY little >_>
Best person to treat ever (if she doesn't starve herself for 3 days before the treat ROFL)
Got a call from my 2 darlings :D
They were heading over here before Aneza had her NRA pratice session
Serena headed home after accomplishing her mission at Raffles City LOL

So...

Met ML & Aneza at Marina Sq

At Swensens,

2 girls choosing what to eat. Classic LOL

Sooo...Farmland has 2 new mascots? x)

Family photo :P {Had to do a retake since ML's head got blocked on the 1st take, tsk tsk}

Rahhh, pretty......................sundaes! <3>

See...after waiting for the baked rice to arrive I still couldn't eat my sundae ='(

Idiot girl...stuck the lil flag into salt shaker =/

STILL SMILE SMILE

Okay...after that, Aneza was late for NRA LOL

Whooops...the girls ate slowly. ABSOLUTELY NOT MY FAULT =D

Bid them farewell...bought chocs and went up to DP Architects to pay my ex-colleagues a visit :D
Had fun chatting with them, took like nearly an hour.

Yes, an hour of teasing, nonetheless =(

I was late..so

RUSHED OFF TO BUGIS.

Yes, late for my date :P

YEA! Here's my date, FOOD :D

Joking...oh and yes, thats really my CDG parfum bottle.

My 'date' wanted to smell perfumes, she's retarded so yea, PARDONED =X