Imagine with me. It's (one of) the most important days in your good friend's life. He's about to get married to this wonderful girl. You have the honour of being invited to be part of the privileged party sent out to fetch the bride home from her house. Decked out in crisp long-sleeved shirt, dark trousers, and bedecked with a tie, you enthusiastically walk with the excited groom to the bride's house.
Only to be greeted by a locked door, a bunch of raucous sisters demanding red packets, and demands that you consume the following (not an exhaustive list, but a representative):
a. A bowl of super sweetened drink (it's usually an already sweet drink further sweetened with the copious addition of more sugar);
b. Some form of chili or wasabi product;
c. Lime/lemon juice further spiked with vinegar for the extra rush; and
d. Bittergourd juice or some bitter herbal tea (you'll be fortunate without 'additives').
Surprised? Don't be. Welcome to a typical wedding welcome in Singapore. The above is considered reasonably mild. More demeaning tasks include having the groom entourage deck out in feminine lingerie, eat out of baby diapers, suck on pacifiers and pretend to be babies crying for milk, or doing a pole dance - with the groom as the pole. All in the name of fun.
The important question is 'why'? Most girls will tell you it's 'fun', and a good reason to get the groom to part with more red packets for what is deemed as an 'acceptable bride price' so that the groom will treasure the bride (since he doesn't get to enter the house 'easily', because what is easily gotten is not highly valued). Some even say that this is a part of chinese wedding tradition, and we should hence practice it, since the food items are symbolic of what a couple will eventually go through together in life - sweet, sour, spiciness and bitterness in life.
Let me hereby state my stand - short of doing a full extensive research on wedding customs for now (I will get around to it eventually), I will provide reasons why this practice should be discontinued. Call me a spoil sport, call me a wet blanket, but consider the following reasons:
a. Most guys go and fetch the bride on an empty stomach due to the early hours (normally the entourage reaches before 9am). Imagine what downing copious amounts of extreme liquids and objects (lime juice, bittergourd, chili padi, overly sweetened syrup, bitter herbs etc) would do to your digestive system. Have the ladies considered this - that they are actually inflicting bodily harm to the groom entourage?
Of course some ladies will scoff and say 'You mean the guys can't even take a little bit of 'suffering'? Chey!' My offer to the ladies - why not down the copious amounts we are required to do, and then say the same thing after that? While some ladies may say they have tasted their concoctions, the key word is 'taste'. The guys are expected to consume. Last I checked, only witches and sorceresses and dabblers in the occult concocted vile concoctions for consumption. And no, I'm sure the stuff we guys are supposed to consume is not love potion number 9.
b. It is a 'rite of passage' that the groom has to go through to prove his worthiness in winning the bride's hand. Come on, the guy had to go through the gut-wrenching period of asking the bride to go out on a first date, ask her to be his steady girlfriend, ask her for her hand in marriage and handle all the expectations of wedding demands from the bride's family. Surely he has earned his stripes. And even if he hasn't, what has downing evil concoctions or eating chocolate smeared mashed bananas out of baby diapers (yes, all these are par for the course) got to do with proving his worthiness?
c. It is symbolic of a couple going through sweet, bitter, sour and spicy (i.e. challenging) periods of their lives as a married couple. Wow, I admit - that is indeed a good symbolic gesture - except how come the groom is the only person eating all those items? How about feeding them to the bride too as a show of solidarity that they are going through as a couple? Oh well - I guess no takers huh.
d. It is fun. According to www.dictionary.com, fun is 'something that provides mirth and amusement'. Well, let me assure you that it definitely is not 'fun' for the brothers standing perspiring outside the gate clutching their stomachs in agony after consuming weird stuff. Please let's stop using the term 'fun' indiscriminately to justify feeding extreme stuff to the groom entourage.
e. It will make the groom treasure the bride more in future. Excuse me - but if he doesn't treasure his wife now, how will eating disgusting stuff, wearing female lingerie, performing lewd dances or doing tonnes of physical exercise make him love her more in future? If the guy's a jerk, he'll be a jerk. Period. No amount of 'meaningful tortures' would make him more amenable to loving his wife.
At the end of the day, the wedding day is supposed to be a joyous occasion. Surely it wouldn't be joyous if the groom entourage was searching for toilets or facing acid reflux due to their trials and tribulations at the bride's gate. Is that how we really want to remember the wedding - 'Wow, the sabo was horrible!' Or would we rather remember the occasion as one where sweet memories are composed?
Let me instead propose an alternative. A good friend suggested this well - instead of spending time planning on the gross items to feed the groom and his entourage, why not spend the time planning something meaningful? The example he raised is a good one - there was an occasion when the groom and his entourage were required to decorate a cake for the bride. Now that's definitely meaningful and sweet. Maybe other options could be having a big piece of paper and having the groom write down all the reasons why he loves the bride, or what he appreciates about her. That would be sweet too. But please, let us stop this harmful and vile (yes, I am definitely not mincing my words here) practice of feeding weird and gross stuff to the groom and his entourage. Apart from upset stomachs, acid reflux and a whole lot of wasted bittergourd juice which inevitably ends up down the drain, there is no meaning, relevance or significance of the morning sabotage to the wedding. Period.
