For a long long time...

Yep, I'm back on this dumb thing, listening to the old GazettE song I love so... This is actually a compilation of what happened lately. Yeah, guess there was stress here and there... I getting angry too easily lately, too sensitive, too dumb, too stupid, you name it I got it. Well, there was something very weird that happened. About a few days ago, I went for the Oracle guild gathering. Oh yes, I met my little sotong... cute girl... kinda good too. And there was the bunch of dudes from Oracle, nice people they are. AND then, we had food on Gasoline cafe. This is where the weird part came in. AS we sat down, I looked around, and felt that the place looked familiar. Indeed. I've been to the place before. But probably you won't believe how. I been to this exact place, sat at the exact same spot, and looked up the exact same thing... only that it was in my dream. Last year, almost exact same date with the gathering. How did I remember all of this? What's happening to my mind? Only God knows, don't you think?

Well, enough for that. After this event... there was the series of hanging out with my god sis aka June. When we met in the real world, everything is smooth but once it comes to Maple... Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING just can't be any eff-ing "better" as it comes by. Quarrel, anger, whatever it is. I really just don't get what's happening nowadays. Have I changed, or it is just the world changing without me knowing it? Stressed I am, but what is it that is bugging my sanity?

Hmm, guess I'd say this for the 999th time, take care Sotong... take care Junie, it may be a brief time apart, but I still hope for both of your health and safety. Be loving both of you as long as it be. I'll be a better person when you all come back. Now I finally understand what is really wrong with myself. My sanity and I just need time to cope back with each other. Hopefully me learning more about hope, self-value, respect, humbleness, and the art of talking would make things better for everyone. Last said, new year's just ahead... Time to make a change in life.

Love you guys for looking at this. May peace be with everyone. Good night.

College life comment

Since you made me so fucked up about how "nice" is college and how it'll give you freedom. Alright, I'm writing this specially FOR you to really tell you what the fuck is college about. Yeah, you get more flexible timetable, you get to go out more, you get to wear what shit you like, or maybe don't wear any shit at all as you see fit. You get to know new friends, you get to go learn more interesting stuff than in school. Maybe get to find a bf/gf, whatever. The truth is, with all these freedom, it makes your own studies and career more hard to achieve. Why? Simple. Of all youngsters wouldn't really care for is, self-control. This small term is enough to get you to heaven, or drop you down straight to hell. Freedom = do whatever you like? Correct? NO. Freedom = Make you more consious about yourself, supposedly. No one controls you 100%, but in the end if you do everything as you see fit, like FUN FUN FUN all the time, that means you're a goner for sure. I've seen it almost everytime. Ok, let's say you don't have fun all the time. You stick with class, you stick with studies and all. Does that mean people won't backstab you for nothing? Nope. It gets even worse here since it's the next step for you in life after school, and also the time where you are actually lacking 1 step more to work life. Does work life seem fun? No right? College looks fun. Society looks nice on the surface. But is social life nice? Yeah, of course. When you're the serial backstabber + gossiper, sure thang! It'll be fun disposing who you see fit in the whole society for your own benifit. But as the victim, do you get to have fun? Nope. Why? Cause your reputation and efforts are done for if you have like, shit mental strength.

Now you get it why the hell it ain't any better than school? Why the hell I said "school got school good, college got college good?"

Coz I don't wanna break your dumb hope and say like college is even better at making your whole life in misery. It did to mine. Do you think I like to make you go through the same thing? That's why I recommended you to come in the first place. But you just had to talk about your mom picking Sunway. No comment. Just trying to tell you that you can't follow what she says forever till the day she dies. I thought you hate her? Or is it just purely because you're scared of what she'll say to the whole family? I don't know. I never liked any side of my family anyways.

Last minute entry, for 12/11/2007

Well, as every monday starts, it's kinda hard for me to wake up. Why? Simple reason. 8am kills my white blood cells. Yeah, I hate waking up early, seriously. Eventhough it's because "you have to go to the damn lecture" and all, still it doesn't make any sense. Skip that.

After hectic (somewhat) school hours, I rushed back home for a short rest. Got pizza for dinner, which I quite like, although originally I didn't think of eating it. Ate it with chicken wings, bleh bleh. Then there was the cc, dumb supervisor didn't turn out. Best thing was, I logged in Maple as usual... and did another dumb thing. Extra 10 DEX earring. Woo hoo, what luck, my experiment worked again! I have no idea how, but I think that'll be the format of my scrolling from now on. What format? SECRET! Unless you're my sweetheart, which it's impossible unless you're my little sotong, if not... keep dreaming :D

Speaking of which. I talked to little sotong again. I had this weird feeling... something I never felt before. There was this sudden though that, "Oh my, where's my sotong... I can't do anything without her!" I guess that's it. Maybe I really like her. Who knows? Even I don't know. Yeah yeah, we're a Maple couple. But I wonder if she'll accept a person that she has not even seen in real life before as a lover? Wouldn't wanna try that would you? I would.

Another noobish day...

As some old f***ing saying goes, "Let the f***er f*** his f***ing way out of this f***ing f***ish hell, and shall thy f***ing be f***ed up like a mad f***ing cow!"

Ok, my point is... today was kinda lame. First it was ticketting principals or whatever you call it. Yeah yeah, I was late coz' I had to type some stuff for the following class. Introduction to IT, they call it. Well I call it Introduction to your computer typing world. Word, Excel, Pagemaker maybe,l what next? Paint? Notepad? Maaaaaan... I know typing is in fact superbly crucial, as people say like "your bread and tuna" or whatever it was. I do hope that we learn something faster, I mean FASTER then drawing some lame face saying "Hello! How are you?", which made me almost edit it to "Hello! I f*** you!"

Ngah, after that... We were supposed to go for the next class which is BM. And fortunately (I guess) the lecturer couldn't make it. That meant... 3 free hours. And I went dota-ing. Won in a weird weird way too... Lol, really. I know we can win that game, but I didn't expect it to be such a crazy game. 3 on 4. Oh well, that also meant 15 minutes late for presentation class. Luckily I wasn't one of those presenting today. The few that I saw did pretty well, albeit the pressure given by the lecturer with the super sceptic looks and all.

Well, continuing with where I left off... Basically, today is a nothing day. Dull, boring, empty, you name it, I don't have no shit about it. As to conclude for today's post, I'd say: Don't keep things for the last minute.

Why am I writing this in the first place? Reminding myself that I'm gonna make a super dumb move on friday's presentation. People use laptop and transparency, I use ancient technology... THE MARKERPEN! Muahahahaha, ha, ha, ha.

Another normal day...

As the aftermath of yesterday's emo-ness, strangely I feel very much better. UNFORTUNATELY, I wonder why the hell nobody informed me about the class cancellation!
Damn it, I stood there like a dummy thinking "WTF? NO CLASS?"
Oh well, what's done is done. Proves that giving out phone numbers is indeed crucial, in case of something happens like this.

Nevertheless, today was actually quite a dull day. There was a presentation back at the DK X or Y or... ah whatever. Hospitality management it is. But, before that there was the pain-in-the-crotch economics class. When we reached, everyone thought that the class was cancelled. Fact is, some dumb dumb rubbed off the notice on the whiteboard, which actually stated that classes from 10am to 12pm were cancelled, not more.

Shit! Made us thought that we ain't have to go to the dumb class for today. Well, that's that. And in the end of the day, I became like... a guest actor. Lol, they were having their presentations and all, it was PHOTO SESSION!

Waiting for them to send me those photos so I can keep them nicely :D

Aight... time for other stuff now. See ya'll next time.

Whee~

Oh well, again and again another normal day it is today. What was I thinking actually? Yesterday was like... chaos in my mind. Yeah, it's chloey birthday I know. Who's that you ask... well, I gotta say that she's one cute girl. I kinda like her but... it's just kinda not right. It's not that kind of "like" till you wanna be together with her... maybe not.

Ah... who cares. She's a cute girl who always smiles, and that other dude looks like a good guy too. + it's really none of my business to say like "hey I ain't happy with all of this". She's just a... friend I guess.

I'm just another outsider, that's why. Can't really cope with everyone. I'm trying, but something just seems to be a bit... weird still. As far as I know myself, I've been quite lonely for quite a long time. It's not that I can't take it, but... the feeling of never having something is one thing, having something and suddenly everything was gone, that feeling is another.

Yesterday was really one tiring day alright... It was actually OK until that BITCH showed up, screwed up my mood, here and there. But superbly fortunatedly, she didn't turn up for the lecture, THANK GOD she didn't.

Who's da bitch? Ain't telling. If you all know what's happening with my assignment, you'll know.
Enough of that. Things got a lil titsy bitsy better, when I finally bought my FFXII. Shoulda bought last year but... ah forget it.

TODAY, haha, today. It was just a lil lecture time. I came a lil bit earlier, used to it b'cause if I come late... place very hard to find. Sat down with the bunch as usual. But weirdly, I felt somewhat empty. Empty inside... it's been awhile since I felt this way. Since in the lecture... till on the way back home, that feeling never stopped. I felt like... crying. Yea... crying.
Lol I know it sounds weird but, I really felt like crying it out for loud. For no apparent reason.
Was it just a normal feeling? Or am I really sad about something?
Weirdly, I was actually sitting alone you know. Chloey asked the guys what's up with me. I acted as if I didn't hear anything. Michelle also asked why I was so quiet.
I kinda feel relieved I guess, that someone still cares. Well, MAYBE still cares.

I still feel like crying... though things just happen as the way they are...
Thanks a lot guys...

Whatever la

Man, why do things always have to get screwed up?
Is it wrong that I argue about nationalism? "You should discuss, not scold"
FFS, when I said "scold" I meant argue, not scolding vulgarities or whatever shit that you might expect. And then what did you do? Posting on my head that "You are GUILTY until proven INNOCENT"?
Sheesh, it's not like I wanna stay long in there but, gimme a break. Are you trying to defend the older members? Or just trying to screw me up?

That's one stuff.

The other is even worse.
Hell yeah I don't know about what the fuck you girls are talking behind other people's back.
Yeah yeah, 2 head snake or whatever. Then? I'm only giving my sincere comments about the matter. Maybe it's my bad at the first comment since I don't know what's happening then. After that, you regard me as... post and run fella? Puh-Lease, if I'm done with it I'm off it. Putting a few jokes in it to cool all your hot heads = being a rat? C'mon, show me the truth. Don't like just say, don't have to hide behind my butt and talk cock around. It's not that I wouldn't know it forever.

Lastly, FFS. To everyone outside, this is what you get if you're trying to mix with the people you shouldn't?