There comes a time when you eventually just accept the inevitable. Everyone has a family dynamic that is different to the next family, granted some a smidge more coocoo than others but what fun would it be if everyone had a "Stepford" family?!
Pre-marriage and babies the mental image of how you expect your family to be is usually along the lines of a walk in the park on a sunny day child up on Daddy's shoulders while eating ice cream and all children smiling and behaving nicely, or checking on your little darlings at night and they are sleeping soundly with a little night light beside their bed after you reading a story or even better they read to themselves (which may happen once in a blue moon by the way). Never do you imagine that
actually your child will DETEST the park as there are far too many people and over stimulating things there and he is lactose intolerant, nowhere in Ireland will you find that dairy free ice cream is readily available at a park. Because of this your little darling is very upset and
not such good behavior ensues. Never do you picture your child not having the ability to go to sleep naturally and having to be dosed with a Melatonin supplement most nights and having to follow a strict routine for bedtime that if you miss a step world war three breaks out in their bedroom. If you are consistent things will improve eventually but it takes a while to get your own head around the whole routine.
Having a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder can affect every aspect of family life and the majority of people have a very brief understanding of autism. There are so many highs and lows for everyone in the family. To be honest unless a person is living with an ASD in their immediate family, I don't believe they can ever understand it enough. For younger children on the spectrum their siblings can be terrified of those eardrum shattering episodes at bath time or meal times. For example putting the wrong episode on of "Looney Toons" or "Tom and Jerry" (flavour of the month right now) can cause absolute uproar or attempting to put school coat and hat on before the school bus arrives, will only sleep with a particular pillow case. Everything is so specific you really need to pay attention to the little things. This is why I can only get certain people to babysit otherwise the poor person babysitting may be found rocking back and forth in a corner by the time we return all because the did not use the right cup for his orange juice.
*One tip for meltdowns people, just let them happen! Do not try to comfort the child with autism with hugs and telling them its O.K, unless they come to you for a hug, that is on their terms. Sit beside them, let them know you are there but do not intervene unless for safety reasons obviously! They have their own coping mechanisms. Leave the room if you can't cope you will only make it worse for them!
Click here for an insight into how a meltdown feels for someone with an ASD.
It is funny how in sync my boys are together. Eldest has an ASD and the youngest boy is your typical three year old. He knows no different than to accept the tantrums and can tell me the antecedent sometimes before I have realised what set his brother off! Yes he is three and wise beyond his years. I believe because he has an older brother on the spectrum he is more compassionate and understanding and really wants his brother to succeed. He looks up to his older bro. He sits in to listen every time his brother is doing flash cards and reading homework and this has meant his vocabulary is quite advanced for his age and he is well able to communicate his needs to anyone who will listen. He can also act as a spokesperson for his brother which is kind of amusing right now because he is half his size! I have one child who is painfully shy and another who steals the whole show which obviously leads to a very interesting dynamic and a never a dull moment type of atmosphere in our house.
Both boys are equally brilliant in different kinds of intelligence. Eldest (ASD) fan-friggin-tastic problem solver, reading, numbers, surprisingly high emotional intelligence (not exactly a trait of a person with ASD) such a great sense of humour too, an introvert prefers to be alone or with a small well known group of people, enjoys his brother or anyone but him in the limelight. Youngest (NT) is everyone's friend and everyone wants to be his friend so sociable craves social interaction, very bright re letters, numbers, able to adapt to most situations, stick up for himself and his brother and sister, an extrovert. He embraces the crazy, he does not brand his brothers behaviour as bold, he accepts him even though he drives him do-lally sometimes but who's brother does not do that?! I just wanted to share how proud I am of them and they cope better then us parents do some days. How lucky is their baby sister to have these two to look out for her?!
Christmas can be so stressful for the child with autism and of course for the family! Apart from the usual sensory issues surrounding the day and the anticipation for the child of what is to come their way, for parents buying presents is always done with the best of intentions. Previous years have resulted in wasting money on presents that were not opened and meltdown after meltdown, this year took some careful consideration. We now understand each other better. It only took SEVEN years! Better late then never! I really think this was our best Christmas yet. Full house on Christmas morning. We knew this year not to wrap presents and to allow for our little Autie to go for breaks in between getting his presents, he is not keen on the sound of paper ripping. I brought him upstairs with his new National Geographic planetarium in a dark room and let him just chill out. Mean while... downstairs the younger two munchkins ripped open their presents, having a great time together and this tiny little change to our usual routine made all the difference to our Christmas Day! This was the trigger to all hell breaking lose on previous Christmas mornings. I am delighted to say there were no tears or meltdowns for the day and EVERYONE enjoyed themselves.
1. Theraputty - Fine motor skills, you can hide things in it. It is tougher than playdough so the child has to work harder to find things.
6. A Plasma Ball - Visually stimulating and very calming. 
7. Bunny Sleepy Time alarm clock - Analog clock designed to solve problem with child getting up too early! [Worth a try will let you know how this goes ;) ] 
Posts
