i should have blogged on this long ago but i keep forgetting - thank you very much to my dearest friends clarissa, anisah and faridah for the proper birthday gifts that i received from them. i really appreciate them a lot. especially as they were real surprises haha. thank you so much.
on another note as i was tagging photos on facebook just now my mom just came over to talk to me for quite some time. let's just say it's all about challenges one will face in adulthood. you know, about money, marriage, divorces, buying a home, buying a car etc etc. things that i've actually been thinking and worried about since my secondary school days. i wonder - with the very little capital that i have, and even with me probably joining the workforce in 2 years' time - will i have enough cash to support myself, my parents and get hitched along the way?haha. that's why i keep saying - life as primary school kid is still the best. so carefree and full of life.
abraham lincoln once said this - "in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. it's the life in your years."
well said. pardon me for my obsession with abraham lincoln's quotes. trust me, he's most probably the greatest president america ever had. and many others will vouch for that. but think about what lincoln said. i think it's true. one should really live life the way one wants it be and to the fullest possible.
on another note with the start of the month of syawal and this hari raya period, thankfully i feel i've found back my studying groove. thank goodness for that. i think i know why. but the point is it feels great to have found back my studying mojo. although i'm still facing a chronic lack of sleep, of which i wish other people could really help clear my sleepings debts by sleeping some hours for me. please? haha. with the advent of term essay deadlines and what not, it's really going to be a hectic 7 weeks ahead for me. i hope i will come out of it all unscathed and in one good piece.
lastly - the storm has probably died down but i'm not satisfied. here i am trying to do things to ameliorate the situation but obviously it has gone totally unnoticed and unappreciated. what else do i have to do then? as i have mentioned in my earlier posts - listen to all viewpoints before passing a sound judgement. parochial and partisan worldviews and mindsets will just hinder anyone from making sound and sane remarks or resolution. judge me for all you want, but judge me after you hear me out or at least hear my side of the story first. heuristics are of no use, especially when things are taken out of context and applied incorrectly. the only place for rumour-mongers and is the damned hellfire, where the fire burns eternally.
on another note have i mentioned that for my business module project, we are doing on new urban male? haha. i can really say it's going to be a blast - and my groups seems real happening. it will be a blast! haha.
did you know that num's logo of the sperm came after the stores were already up and running? now you know.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
race
everytime raya beckons, it always becomes a racially-charged affair for me. haha.
not talking about the CMIO division - rather the subdivisions of the malay communities in singapore - you know the javanese, boyanese, bugis, minangkabaus, arabs, pure malays (or so they claim) etc etc. i'm half boyanese and half bugis - like a total minority in the sea of javanese in singapore.
why it becomes a racially-charged affair? because day 1 of hari raya is always spent visiting my father's relatives - mostly my grandfather's siblings and their assorted daughters and sons. it's a huge number. i think many other people just slack away at their grandparents' place on the 1st day of raya, whilst i'm already doing my rounds with my family, together with my immediate uncles and aunties and my cousins in tow. a whole convoy of us will just drive around, and the route has never changed for day 1.
so i go around visiting all these siblings of my grandfather(who's the oldest among his siblings, and my father is the eldest, and so am i yadda yadda yadda), and so its like i get drenched in all these boyaneseness haha. the tete-a-tetes are no more carried out in boyanese already, but you can just feel it. also it's typical for everyone to get questioned like-
When are you getting married? like for goodness sake i know 23 is the perfect age (or is it any age?)for malays to get married but i'm not so normative.
Got girlfriend already? haha. it sounds worse when they use the term 'cewek' my goodness. at least now i can so-called speak the truth haha.
Oh so today you drove the car around? haha even selling my backside can only get me the carburettor only.
Wah so big already! haha if they could really remember me i haven't really grown any taller in the past 7 years at least.
well thank goodness at least many know me by name, which is reassuring to me haha. it sucks to be known just as someone's son or something like that. but this time round i get suggestions like 'go find a boyanese wife, boyanese people power you know!' - i'm like what? it's like im being maligned so much in school for being a boyanese (no i don't do black magic sorry) and i think for these oldies, race matters to them very much - as it was when they were in their youths. youths nowadays can't even be bothered i guess since we are all crammed into that category called malay - of which even its definition is sensitive and highly political. in any case apparently i don't look boyanese at all - probably too fair, or my eyes are too big. but physically i don't even take after my dad(except for my ugly teeth and that i'm supposedly fair). thank goodness for that actually, if not i'll probably start balding like right now, have stubby fingers, slightly rotund and chinky eyes. haha.
so i look more like my mom - who is a full-blooded bugis. you don't hear much of the bugis people in singapore but you know what? at least the government sees something in these groups of people - enough to name a freaking mrt station after them! an mrt station! think about it - not teochew, hokkien, java, gujerati or what have you - but bugis! oh and the shopping centre too. there's also the information sign in the middle of bugis junction about the bugis people (or buginese).
did you know the bugis have been trading with the natives of australia a whole millenium before any europeans even heard of australia, let alone set foot on it? they are gutsy and adventurous by nature (both as traders and sadly, pirates and no, johnny depp isn't a closet buginese). apparently if you hadn't sojourned in your youth you wouldn't be called a man in those days.
just now i went back to my village where my grandmother stays, and where many of my mom's relatives also stay. a whole lot of bugis people there. it's interesting, going back to the kampong. it's like day 1 i'm spending raya in an urban, boyanese setting - and day 3 its a bugis and rural setting. and of course the usual questions get spewed at me but the thing is i think these buginese people are proud of their heritage - yet i think they just take it in their stride and not go off talking big about.
think about it - even the annoying javanese, with their clear majority in numbers in singapore - does the government even bother with naming street names, shopping centres and an mrt station after them?(i've heard of java road and kampung java road but these are minor roads). let's not even talk about the boyanese here haha. maybe it's because these people are from the rural areas, so supposedly they lead laidback lives - but you can see they are humble people with good values about them. i feel privileged that at least my mom is of this heritage and race, so i can hop on the bandwagon and claim 50% of it? haha. but i do feel it's something to be proud of.
don't get me wrong. haha i think it's really outdated of me to even talk about race like this - but it gives me a sort of 'unique' identity that i'm happy to carry around. my IC says i'm boyanese, yet im half boyanese and bugis. i feel honoured and blessed (to say proud wouldn't be precise) to have such a heritage, not conforming to the common discourse of being the javanese (which seriously, i've no idea what their heritage and history entails).
i like the fact that my family and my extended family (on my dad's side) tries to keep the familial and cultural bonds strong by visiting each other as much as they try to relive the famous pondok spirit of yesteryear. i like the humbleness of the bugis people, yet i believe them to be the most feisty and gutsy of people.
although, since my dad is the only male among his siblings, therefore the only real boyanese grandchild my grandfather has is me (i only have another sister). haha. so i'm the one to keep the flag flying high i suppose?
if they had a flag don't be surprised if you see horses on the flag. haha.
not talking about the CMIO division - rather the subdivisions of the malay communities in singapore - you know the javanese, boyanese, bugis, minangkabaus, arabs, pure malays (or so they claim) etc etc. i'm half boyanese and half bugis - like a total minority in the sea of javanese in singapore.
why it becomes a racially-charged affair? because day 1 of hari raya is always spent visiting my father's relatives - mostly my grandfather's siblings and their assorted daughters and sons. it's a huge number. i think many other people just slack away at their grandparents' place on the 1st day of raya, whilst i'm already doing my rounds with my family, together with my immediate uncles and aunties and my cousins in tow. a whole convoy of us will just drive around, and the route has never changed for day 1.
so i go around visiting all these siblings of my grandfather(who's the oldest among his siblings, and my father is the eldest, and so am i yadda yadda yadda), and so its like i get drenched in all these boyaneseness haha. the tete-a-tetes are no more carried out in boyanese already, but you can just feel it. also it's typical for everyone to get questioned like-
When are you getting married? like for goodness sake i know 23 is the perfect age (or is it any age?)for malays to get married but i'm not so normative.
Got girlfriend already? haha. it sounds worse when they use the term 'cewek' my goodness. at least now i can so-called speak the truth haha.
Oh so today you drove the car around? haha even selling my backside can only get me the carburettor only.
Wah so big already! haha if they could really remember me i haven't really grown any taller in the past 7 years at least.
well thank goodness at least many know me by name, which is reassuring to me haha. it sucks to be known just as someone's son or something like that. but this time round i get suggestions like 'go find a boyanese wife, boyanese people power you know!' - i'm like what? it's like im being maligned so much in school for being a boyanese (no i don't do black magic sorry) and i think for these oldies, race matters to them very much - as it was when they were in their youths. youths nowadays can't even be bothered i guess since we are all crammed into that category called malay - of which even its definition is sensitive and highly political. in any case apparently i don't look boyanese at all - probably too fair, or my eyes are too big. but physically i don't even take after my dad(except for my ugly teeth and that i'm supposedly fair). thank goodness for that actually, if not i'll probably start balding like right now, have stubby fingers, slightly rotund and chinky eyes. haha.
so i look more like my mom - who is a full-blooded bugis. you don't hear much of the bugis people in singapore but you know what? at least the government sees something in these groups of people - enough to name a freaking mrt station after them! an mrt station! think about it - not teochew, hokkien, java, gujerati or what have you - but bugis! oh and the shopping centre too. there's also the information sign in the middle of bugis junction about the bugis people (or buginese).
did you know the bugis have been trading with the natives of australia a whole millenium before any europeans even heard of australia, let alone set foot on it? they are gutsy and adventurous by nature (both as traders and sadly, pirates and no, johnny depp isn't a closet buginese). apparently if you hadn't sojourned in your youth you wouldn't be called a man in those days.
just now i went back to my village where my grandmother stays, and where many of my mom's relatives also stay. a whole lot of bugis people there. it's interesting, going back to the kampong. it's like day 1 i'm spending raya in an urban, boyanese setting - and day 3 its a bugis and rural setting. and of course the usual questions get spewed at me but the thing is i think these buginese people are proud of their heritage - yet i think they just take it in their stride and not go off talking big about.
think about it - even the annoying javanese, with their clear majority in numbers in singapore - does the government even bother with naming street names, shopping centres and an mrt station after them?(i've heard of java road and kampung java road but these are minor roads). let's not even talk about the boyanese here haha. maybe it's because these people are from the rural areas, so supposedly they lead laidback lives - but you can see they are humble people with good values about them. i feel privileged that at least my mom is of this heritage and race, so i can hop on the bandwagon and claim 50% of it? haha. but i do feel it's something to be proud of.
don't get me wrong. haha i think it's really outdated of me to even talk about race like this - but it gives me a sort of 'unique' identity that i'm happy to carry around. my IC says i'm boyanese, yet im half boyanese and bugis. i feel honoured and blessed (to say proud wouldn't be precise) to have such a heritage, not conforming to the common discourse of being the javanese (which seriously, i've no idea what their heritage and history entails).
i like the fact that my family and my extended family (on my dad's side) tries to keep the familial and cultural bonds strong by visiting each other as much as they try to relive the famous pondok spirit of yesteryear. i like the humbleness of the bugis people, yet i believe them to be the most feisty and gutsy of people.
although, since my dad is the only male among his siblings, therefore the only real boyanese grandchild my grandfather has is me (i only have another sister). haha. so i'm the one to keep the flag flying high i suppose?
if they had a flag don't be surprised if you see horses on the flag. haha.
Friday, September 18, 2009
raya
hari raya is like a kedai mamak - it's just round the corner.
so this year my mom didn't make any orders for baju kurung for the family. so we'll be wearing what we wore 2 years ago, which is quite nice actually. i've always wondered when we will ever stop making baju kurung yearly. really, i hardly wear baju kurung throughout the year (even on fridays i wear a dri-fit tshirt to the mosque). so the many-many baju kurung that take up the space in my wardrobe just rot away not being used.
this year my house is like a bakery. the past week especially - everyday i go home there's always some new kuih to greet me when i reach home. at least 6 types now. and just now i saw that even kerepeks have been stowed away in the kitchen cabinets. though this year my mom and dad aren't weaving ketupats - something i've tried to learn doing since my primary school days, but it's probably among the most complex things malays ever invented. like seriously.
and next week is recess week - but it's gonna be filled up with raya outings i feel. aiyah. i should be studying a lot. especially when i still haven't found my studying impetus. it's quite disturbing. and somehow i've felt so much more lethargic and tired throughout the fasting month, which has been affecting my concentration in class. of course it's exacerbated by the fact i still play pes2009 and fm09 very often till late in the morning. haha.
and it seems like everyone is writing self-reflections on their blogs, to note if they've become a better person after a whole month of fasting. i don't think i actually have, and yes i've been quite lazy this past month. but this month i read quite abit of the Quran, i did my 1st ever qiyammulail (yayy!), performed my 1st ever tasbih prayers and never missed any prayers (i mean the compulsory 5 times a day) during the fasting month. i do keep up with my terawihs at home or at the mosque, and many times i have been able to break fast at home. there are times (not that many! haha) which i miss my prayers in my course of life and feel rather guilty about it, but i think during the fasting month this becomes even worse.
i'm not like criticising anyone out there but it's just my point of view - that if you don't do the compulsory stuffs (especially the 5 daily prayers) then you might as well not fast. personally i really think it's weird that a lot of people fast yet they don't keep up with their prayers. prayers is something one should be performing everyday of their lives, even outside of the fasting month. i don't see the point in fasting if one doesn't pray.
like when i was doing my NS and during the fasting month i had to go to taiwan as part of my training. i somewhat had problems keeping up with my prayers (which of course on hindsight i should have really done better). but my is thinking this - i could actually attempt to fast through the training, but if i was already having problems trying to do my prayers then i saw no point in keeping my fast. that was what i believed in. of cos it's quite an erroneous and controversial sort of thinking but you get my point right.
this actually went against another one of my beliefs - that i should always do what i can, to the best of my abilities, even though i know i probably might sin somewhere along the way. we all sin i suppose, sometimes unknowingly. but for me i try and do my part in doing damage limitation - i usually curse and cuss and swear when i talk sometimes( for example), and yes i admit i'm not pious or angelic but i mean i do try (i hope) to do good or perform my religious obligations as much as i think i can, trying to suit to the time and place and context. maybe i don't go all out, but i try to make sure my foundations are strong i suppose. although sometimes the temptations and the works of the Devil - something every human being faces every day.
but well i think this past fasting month has been quite average for me, but i think it's quite important that i've tried to do things that i've never done before, in the hope of gaining merit and also kickstarting something that i might want to continue doing in the future. like helping out in the qurban last hari raya haji, and the qiyammulail i did 3 weeks ago. and once raya and syawal kicks in - wow all the assignment deadlines will also come one by one. really looking forward to the end of the year actually.
the die is cast and the Rubicon has been crossed. but Rome is still far away. many roads lead to Rome, and certainly Rome wasn't built in a day.
so this year my mom didn't make any orders for baju kurung for the family. so we'll be wearing what we wore 2 years ago, which is quite nice actually. i've always wondered when we will ever stop making baju kurung yearly. really, i hardly wear baju kurung throughout the year (even on fridays i wear a dri-fit tshirt to the mosque). so the many-many baju kurung that take up the space in my wardrobe just rot away not being used.
this year my house is like a bakery. the past week especially - everyday i go home there's always some new kuih to greet me when i reach home. at least 6 types now. and just now i saw that even kerepeks have been stowed away in the kitchen cabinets. though this year my mom and dad aren't weaving ketupats - something i've tried to learn doing since my primary school days, but it's probably among the most complex things malays ever invented. like seriously.
and next week is recess week - but it's gonna be filled up with raya outings i feel. aiyah. i should be studying a lot. especially when i still haven't found my studying impetus. it's quite disturbing. and somehow i've felt so much more lethargic and tired throughout the fasting month, which has been affecting my concentration in class. of course it's exacerbated by the fact i still play pes2009 and fm09 very often till late in the morning. haha.
and it seems like everyone is writing self-reflections on their blogs, to note if they've become a better person after a whole month of fasting. i don't think i actually have, and yes i've been quite lazy this past month. but this month i read quite abit of the Quran, i did my 1st ever qiyammulail (yayy!), performed my 1st ever tasbih prayers and never missed any prayers (i mean the compulsory 5 times a day) during the fasting month. i do keep up with my terawihs at home or at the mosque, and many times i have been able to break fast at home. there are times (not that many! haha) which i miss my prayers in my course of life and feel rather guilty about it, but i think during the fasting month this becomes even worse.
i'm not like criticising anyone out there but it's just my point of view - that if you don't do the compulsory stuffs (especially the 5 daily prayers) then you might as well not fast. personally i really think it's weird that a lot of people fast yet they don't keep up with their prayers. prayers is something one should be performing everyday of their lives, even outside of the fasting month. i don't see the point in fasting if one doesn't pray.
like when i was doing my NS and during the fasting month i had to go to taiwan as part of my training. i somewhat had problems keeping up with my prayers (which of course on hindsight i should have really done better). but my is thinking this - i could actually attempt to fast through the training, but if i was already having problems trying to do my prayers then i saw no point in keeping my fast. that was what i believed in. of cos it's quite an erroneous and controversial sort of thinking but you get my point right.
this actually went against another one of my beliefs - that i should always do what i can, to the best of my abilities, even though i know i probably might sin somewhere along the way. we all sin i suppose, sometimes unknowingly. but for me i try and do my part in doing damage limitation - i usually curse and cuss and swear when i talk sometimes( for example), and yes i admit i'm not pious or angelic but i mean i do try (i hope) to do good or perform my religious obligations as much as i think i can, trying to suit to the time and place and context. maybe i don't go all out, but i try to make sure my foundations are strong i suppose. although sometimes the temptations and the works of the Devil - something every human being faces every day.
but well i think this past fasting month has been quite average for me, but i think it's quite important that i've tried to do things that i've never done before, in the hope of gaining merit and also kickstarting something that i might want to continue doing in the future. like helping out in the qurban last hari raya haji, and the qiyammulail i did 3 weeks ago. and once raya and syawal kicks in - wow all the assignment deadlines will also come one by one. really looking forward to the end of the year actually.
the die is cast and the Rubicon has been crossed. but Rome is still far away. many roads lead to Rome, and certainly Rome wasn't built in a day.
Monday, September 14, 2009
sucky day
you know your day is not gonna start off well when you get out of bed and had to rush to get ready for school. i was lucky i didn't wake up that late (late enough to force my sister to iron my shirt for me though haha) and i was 5 minutes late for class. i actually had to catch my breath later on as climbing up the whole flight of stairs up to the lecture room was really taxing.
to compound it further i lost my notepad. damn it i thought it was in my file but i think i left it in the seminar room. oh well luckily it didn't have that many important things in it. ah actually there might be. damn.
then i was late in reaching home because of delays here and there, and the jams, and i couldn't break fast in time at home. to top it all off the lifts broke down when i approached the lift landing at my block. both lifts were immobilised and didn't respond at all to any repeated button pressing. so i had to slowly climb all of the 10 storeys and reach my doorstep, all sweaty and 15 minutes past the prayer call for break fast. luckily the green tea+lemon packet drink i had to accompany me with during that climb was nice.
i've had worse days i think.
to compound it further i lost my notepad. damn it i thought it was in my file but i think i left it in the seminar room. oh well luckily it didn't have that many important things in it. ah actually there might be. damn.
then i was late in reaching home because of delays here and there, and the jams, and i couldn't break fast in time at home. to top it all off the lifts broke down when i approached the lift landing at my block. both lifts were immobilised and didn't respond at all to any repeated button pressing. so i had to slowly climb all of the 10 storeys and reach my doorstep, all sweaty and 15 minutes past the prayer call for break fast. luckily the green tea+lemon packet drink i had to accompany me with during that climb was nice.
i've had worse days i think.
Friday, September 11, 2009
survey
okay people please help my friend out there as you come by and read my entry haha.
She recently submitted her Travel Guide on Hong Kong for a competition and the winner wins by the most votes! She needs all the votes she can get! You can even download it for FREE to read it if you please.
http://www.guidegecko.com/hong-kong-a-diamond-in-the-rough-travel-guide/d,4986
Follow the link. Roll your mouse over the stars till ALL 5 are GREEN, then click on them. You have to register, (just fill up a few things) and i promise it will take less than 1 minute!
obviously that whole thing was crafted by my friend but do help her out and vote 5 stars okay!
haha on another note the week came and passed just like that. though this year i had a whole host of birthday wishes via sms and facebook posts, which took me an hour to reply them all personally haha. went for classes as per normal on that day and at night had dinner with clare at swensens at marina square. if we had known the 1-for-1 ice cream buffet offer at ion orchard was still on we would have went there. it sort of slipped my mind haha. oh well.
other than that nothing much has happened. i'm still trying to get back that studying groove but i think it's sort of picking up now so yea. hope i will gain some sort of momentum. damn it it's already the end of week 5! oh and just now i tried out the gamelan! haha. my friends had a gamelan jamming session to prepare for their practical test next week and so i wanted to give it a try. very interesting! and mesmerising! haha. let me see, maybe when i go to year 4 i shall take that module as a UE.
hari raya in a week's time, but i would rather fret about my lagging behind in studies than anything else. i remember last year the day before hari raya i cooped myself up at the school computer lab and finished my essay in 1 day. oh well. at least i'm due my cash injections soon!
She recently submitted her Travel Guide on Hong Kong for a competition and the winner wins by the most votes! She needs all the votes she can get! You can even download it for FREE to read it if you please.
http://www.guidegecko.com/hong-kong-a-diamond-in-the-rough-travel-guide/d,4986
Follow the link. Roll your mouse over the stars till ALL 5 are GREEN, then click on them. You have to register, (just fill up a few things) and i promise it will take less than 1 minute!
obviously that whole thing was crafted by my friend but do help her out and vote 5 stars okay!
haha on another note the week came and passed just like that. though this year i had a whole host of birthday wishes via sms and facebook posts, which took me an hour to reply them all personally haha. went for classes as per normal on that day and at night had dinner with clare at swensens at marina square. if we had known the 1-for-1 ice cream buffet offer at ion orchard was still on we would have went there. it sort of slipped my mind haha. oh well.
other than that nothing much has happened. i'm still trying to get back that studying groove but i think it's sort of picking up now so yea. hope i will gain some sort of momentum. damn it it's already the end of week 5! oh and just now i tried out the gamelan! haha. my friends had a gamelan jamming session to prepare for their practical test next week and so i wanted to give it a try. very interesting! and mesmerising! haha. let me see, maybe when i go to year 4 i shall take that module as a UE.
hari raya in a week's time, but i would rather fret about my lagging behind in studies than anything else. i remember last year the day before hari raya i cooped myself up at the school computer lab and finished my essay in 1 day. oh well. at least i'm due my cash injections soon!
Sunday, September 06, 2009
birthday
maybe i've blogged about this before.
10 years ago on this day my maternal grandfather passed away. i will always remember the date because it's just a day shy of my birthday. and also because i was alone at home when i got the call informing me that he passed away that same morning. a tragic death, i feel - he had an asthma attack while having breakfast and he passed away just like that.
10 years on and a lot of things have happened to myself of which he could not witness. i've grown up, went to a few schools here and there, went through ns and now i'm in university. graduating from a university might not be a big deal these days, but considering my ethnicity and my family background - most of the time it always is. my grandpa was to me, as fit as a fiddle even in his 60s. my paternal grandpa is still alive - 80 in 4 days' time. still looking fit as a fiddle too. i hope at least he can live long enough to see me graduate.
in those same 10 years - like i said i have grown. but have i become a better person? a happier person? singapore ranks lowly on the happiness - i was definitely much happier when i was 10. haha. young people wanna grow old faster because they wanna have freedom - but is this the freedom everyone craves for? i wanna be young and youthful once again - because life was much simpler and happier and more meaningful. though i turn a year older tomorrow, so i suppose there's no chance of an age reversal process i guess. a la benjamin button. haha.
2 nights ago i qiyam-ed for the 1st time ever. an interesting experience. it's one of those things i felt i should do before i get older and lose my zest and spirit to do such things. like how i helped out with qurban last year. a truly memorable qiyam and iftar for me i think. i hope at the end of this blessed fasting month i grow to be a better person - on the inside and on the outside.
so tomorrow i turn 23. old sia! i have no specific wish - i just hope whatever things that i do or decisions that i make, is all blessed by God. sometimes the most cruel or painful things one has to do is not the nicest of decisions - but when the situation calls for it - you just have to take the plunge and do it.
10 years ago on this day my maternal grandfather passed away. i will always remember the date because it's just a day shy of my birthday. and also because i was alone at home when i got the call informing me that he passed away that same morning. a tragic death, i feel - he had an asthma attack while having breakfast and he passed away just like that.
10 years on and a lot of things have happened to myself of which he could not witness. i've grown up, went to a few schools here and there, went through ns and now i'm in university. graduating from a university might not be a big deal these days, but considering my ethnicity and my family background - most of the time it always is. my grandpa was to me, as fit as a fiddle even in his 60s. my paternal grandpa is still alive - 80 in 4 days' time. still looking fit as a fiddle too. i hope at least he can live long enough to see me graduate.
in those same 10 years - like i said i have grown. but have i become a better person? a happier person? singapore ranks lowly on the happiness - i was definitely much happier when i was 10. haha. young people wanna grow old faster because they wanna have freedom - but is this the freedom everyone craves for? i wanna be young and youthful once again - because life was much simpler and happier and more meaningful. though i turn a year older tomorrow, so i suppose there's no chance of an age reversal process i guess. a la benjamin button. haha.
2 nights ago i qiyam-ed for the 1st time ever. an interesting experience. it's one of those things i felt i should do before i get older and lose my zest and spirit to do such things. like how i helped out with qurban last year. a truly memorable qiyam and iftar for me i think. i hope at the end of this blessed fasting month i grow to be a better person - on the inside and on the outside.
so tomorrow i turn 23. old sia! i have no specific wish - i just hope whatever things that i do or decisions that i make, is all blessed by God. sometimes the most cruel or painful things one has to do is not the nicest of decisions - but when the situation calls for it - you just have to take the plunge and do it.
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