today i broke my fast (is that the right expression?) at my grandparents' place at serangoon. not everyone was there, especially the younger cousins that i adore so much. although my other cousins do make me laugh with their antics and nonsense so i was entertained anyhow. haha. at least it wasn't that boring as it always is. although i think i was more entertained by the micahel jackson tribute thingy on channel 5.
i thought i was going to miss that but we all ended up like breaking fast with our eyes glued to the tv screen. haha. so much for me wanting to make this a better ramadhan. but mj is really larger than life - not just a singer but an entertainer. where have you ever seen footwork like that? although i suspect he got that v neck white undershirt of his from cotton on (really i've yet to find anything decent for guys from that shop). but it was quite a blast as i've never really seen mj in action like that - although i wonder why so many in the crowd ended up tearing like crazy. just pure madness.
on another note the past few days have been turbulent. slowly but surely things have died down - although i could really really do without a lot of the things that have happened. oh well if it is supposed to have turned out like this than that is destiny - i shall just ride it out and pray that the dust will settle soon enough. it's just unfortunate that some people have been wrongly accused, wrong affected, while others just cannot think and act rationally as i would like have them to. oh well - i think i expect too much from people sometimes.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
annoyance
it can get on your nerves when whatever you do you have to really bear in mind everyone else's opinions and feelings.
this is getting annoying and i don't have much patience.
this is getting annoying and i don't have much patience.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
dreams
this past week i've been dreaming like almost everyday. i know myself well enough that when i dream vividly and i can still remember the dreams long after i've woken up it means that i'm really tired and worn out. the more worn out i get the more i dream and the more vivid they become.
last night (or rather this morning) my dream became an epic of sorts. considering i only really got out of bed at 315pm (haha i was supposed to go to school to print notes etc but i was too tired) that shouldn't sound so surprising. actually i got out of bed at 11am to vacuum my room but soon enough i went back to bed to continue dreaming.
i dreamt of alot of weird and interesting stuffs, of which i shall not post up here. haha. my point is this - what are dreams? are they means and ways of which the devil plays tricks with our minds? or do they really reflect what we think we want in life? or are they reenactments of what we've all gone through? are dreams really opposites of reality? are dreams precursors to what is going to happen to our lives in the future? so many questions yet all of them cannot be answered easily.
on another note i'm being referred to as a insensitive jerk, and idiot and a meano on facebook for all to see. it's fine with me. i got dumped in my first relationship and i sympathise with the sort of angst, since i myself displayed the angst publicly on this very blog like eons ago (or rather on my old blog). so i'm fine and it's probably true. i have no excuse for myself - other than i really could not see any other way out besides going separate ways. as i've said there are certain things in life in which we have to make tough decisions. i think no one else is more sorry than me that this relationship had to end in the most horrible of ways. i know how it feels like to be in her shoes and there is nothing else i could say. it's fine with me if people start turning against me or that sort of thing. things like that always happen but i don't know - at least i still go home to a proper home with a caring mom and and a devoted dad and a sister to mind over sometimes. and also God, whom i believe always open doors for people to seek forgiveness and mercy. i really hope this month will make me a better person.
oh well that's all for now. day one of fasting was spent doing nothing, since like almost 3/4 of it was spent sleeping and dreaming. haha. oh well. it's still great to know arsenal trashed pompey 4-1. its 10 years since i started supporting arsenal by the way. okay toodles.
last night (or rather this morning) my dream became an epic of sorts. considering i only really got out of bed at 315pm (haha i was supposed to go to school to print notes etc but i was too tired) that shouldn't sound so surprising. actually i got out of bed at 11am to vacuum my room but soon enough i went back to bed to continue dreaming.
i dreamt of alot of weird and interesting stuffs, of which i shall not post up here. haha. my point is this - what are dreams? are they means and ways of which the devil plays tricks with our minds? or do they really reflect what we think we want in life? or are they reenactments of what we've all gone through? are dreams really opposites of reality? are dreams precursors to what is going to happen to our lives in the future? so many questions yet all of them cannot be answered easily.
on another note i'm being referred to as a insensitive jerk, and idiot and a meano on facebook for all to see. it's fine with me. i got dumped in my first relationship and i sympathise with the sort of angst, since i myself displayed the angst publicly on this very blog like eons ago (or rather on my old blog). so i'm fine and it's probably true. i have no excuse for myself - other than i really could not see any other way out besides going separate ways. as i've said there are certain things in life in which we have to make tough decisions. i think no one else is more sorry than me that this relationship had to end in the most horrible of ways. i know how it feels like to be in her shoes and there is nothing else i could say. it's fine with me if people start turning against me or that sort of thing. things like that always happen but i don't know - at least i still go home to a proper home with a caring mom and and a devoted dad and a sister to mind over sometimes. and also God, whom i believe always open doors for people to seek forgiveness and mercy. i really hope this month will make me a better person.
oh well that's all for now. day one of fasting was spent doing nothing, since like almost 3/4 of it was spent sleeping and dreaming. haha. oh well. it's still great to know arsenal trashed pompey 4-1. its 10 years since i started supporting arsenal by the way. okay toodles.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
since the last month i blogged, many things have happened.
school has started.
now we are already in the fasting month.
and i am back to being single once again.
as for school - it's already the end of week 2 yet i feel like i'm still in slumber mode. i feel that school has yet to start - although i've really printed out a lot of my readings already. like really a lot. i wish the holidays were still here. oh well. most importantly i've had cash injections recently and is expecting some more injections in the next 2 months or so. yayy! haha.
as for the fasting month - praying terawih was relaxing just now. isn't that the meaning of terawih?(correct me if i'm wrong). i felt peaceful just now and i hope i have a great ramadhan. i hope you guys do too. for me personally, fasting month is when i can totally not think about food and water and think of other more important stuffs like studies. okay i'm not some nerd or anything, it's just 'cos i'm a full time student so i mean studies would somewhat dictate my life direction for now. so almost all resources is geared towards my studies i guess. food and water are really distractions when it comes to studying, so hopefully i'll get to kickstart this semester. well of course i look forward to this month as it is the month that is full of forgiveness and mercy- and that i pray to the Lord for his compassion and mercy, so that He guides me as much as possible to be the servant of God that is expected of all of us. i hope that i benefit greatly from this ramadhan.
as for the breakup - well it hasn't been pretty. if you ask me you could fairly say i'm the bastard in this whole equation. but ask me and hear me out before you pass judgements. though i'm really fine if i'm accused of this and that - simply because some things just cannot be explained in logical or rational terms or i have no excuses. all i know is that the decisions that i have made have been well thought out. it has not been easy, but there are some things in life that require you to make tough and life-changing decisions. and this is one of those.
i just want to be myself and be happy being myself. decisions that i've made have been selfish in nature, though i believe it is in the best interests of all parties. i feel that i'm happier off this way and i'm happy that my life has panned out the way it has so far. sometimes one doesn't realise how past decisions or actions, when looked upon in retrospect, have actually made our own lives better and happier when we didn't think that back then it would. i hope this is one of those things really. all i know life goes on, no matter how badly stained our history will be.
now i go to bed. here's to a brand new tomorrow with day one of fasting.
school has started.
now we are already in the fasting month.
and i am back to being single once again.
as for school - it's already the end of week 2 yet i feel like i'm still in slumber mode. i feel that school has yet to start - although i've really printed out a lot of my readings already. like really a lot. i wish the holidays were still here. oh well. most importantly i've had cash injections recently and is expecting some more injections in the next 2 months or so. yayy! haha.
as for the fasting month - praying terawih was relaxing just now. isn't that the meaning of terawih?(correct me if i'm wrong). i felt peaceful just now and i hope i have a great ramadhan. i hope you guys do too. for me personally, fasting month is when i can totally not think about food and water and think of other more important stuffs like studies. okay i'm not some nerd or anything, it's just 'cos i'm a full time student so i mean studies would somewhat dictate my life direction for now. so almost all resources is geared towards my studies i guess. food and water are really distractions when it comes to studying, so hopefully i'll get to kickstart this semester. well of course i look forward to this month as it is the month that is full of forgiveness and mercy- and that i pray to the Lord for his compassion and mercy, so that He guides me as much as possible to be the servant of God that is expected of all of us. i hope that i benefit greatly from this ramadhan.
as for the breakup - well it hasn't been pretty. if you ask me you could fairly say i'm the bastard in this whole equation. but ask me and hear me out before you pass judgements. though i'm really fine if i'm accused of this and that - simply because some things just cannot be explained in logical or rational terms or i have no excuses. all i know is that the decisions that i have made have been well thought out. it has not been easy, but there are some things in life that require you to make tough and life-changing decisions. and this is one of those.
i just want to be myself and be happy being myself. decisions that i've made have been selfish in nature, though i believe it is in the best interests of all parties. i feel that i'm happier off this way and i'm happy that my life has panned out the way it has so far. sometimes one doesn't realise how past decisions or actions, when looked upon in retrospect, have actually made our own lives better and happier when we didn't think that back then it would. i hope this is one of those things really. all i know life goes on, no matter how badly stained our history will be.
now i go to bed. here's to a brand new tomorrow with day one of fasting.
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