1 week break

it has been a very eventful past few days, and i forsee a lengthy entry ahead.

and visit this website please people! http://megacarnival08.wordpress.com/

(those who don't tune in to football, two things - firstly, skip the next 4 paragraphs for obvious reasons, and secondly, for the love of God, do tune in! you're really missing out alot!)

been wanting to blog about the football matches on the past weekend. since it has really been a very interesting one for me. for starters, i think everyone would have read about eduardo's horrific injury. i saw the video on it and the tackle was quite horrible. eduardo suffered a fractured leg and a dislocated ankle, and most probably we won't see him in action till next year. which is real sad, because firstly he's from arsenal (like damn it!), and secondly, he's really a skillful player. martin taylor should be banned further! it was a tackle was really uncalled for.

if anyone tunes in to la liga or the serie a, what i'm going to talk about next might interest you. especially those who caught the real madrid-getafe match and the reggina-juventus match. for the first match, real lost 1-0 to controversial circumstances. real was having an off day and when they finally scored the opener, around 6-7 real players celebrated at the opposing corner flag. but the goal was ruled offside, and getafe quickly took the freekick. they counter-attacked and it was 4 against 2, and eventually getafe scored from that counter-attack. real could never muster a goal from the match, and lost in front of their home fans. i find it all so funny. for the 2nd match, juventus managed to grab the equaliser after going down 1-0. then reggina attacked, and a cross was sent in from the right. sissoko (yes he's at juventus now) attempted to clear the ball. but the manner in which he did it was really outrageous. he attempted and improvised overhead or bicycle kick to clear the ball, and at such a height, he was obviously going to miss it (which he did, anyway). in any case he caught the back of a reggina player and the referee blew for a penalty. a little more and the swipe of sissoko's boot would really have caught the player's head or face. juventus lost 2-1 because of sissoko's folly.

well, what can i say? it sissoko. if anyone ever saw him play you'll know how horrible he is. what kind of player would attempt an overhead/bicycle kick in your own penalty area to deal with a cross? it's not like hes short or anything, hes 1.93m tall for goodness sake. and for attempting such a clearance he could have just injured the opponent in the face or something, which is quite serious. but then again sissoko doesn't play with his brains. i seriously wonder, that how come for someone his age (he's only 23) and for the player that he is, he has already played for 3 big clubs - valencia, liverpool, and now juventus. only God knows how.

then again the past weekend i watched a few matches in la liga and serie a. and alot of players area really really good. you wonder how they have the temperament to pull of skills and tricks in high-tempo and high-intensity matches. joaquin of valencia is really good, and so is silva. zigic is just a freak at such height ( he's 2.02M tall) but he seems lousy. amauri of palermo is very good also, and no wonder clubs want him. there is much hype about milan's oddo's high quality crossing abilities, and from what i saw it isn't just hype. it seems true. and well, i don't think i have to say much about players like eto'o, messi, xavi. i used to admire xavi alot, because he seems to be able to do everything very well - dribble, pass, tackle, head, shoot, score. the epitome of the central midfielder is really xavi.

okay enough about soccer. last saturday's bbq at east coast was a blast. haha when it's out with people from bp, expect non-stop laughter and nonsense. and last saturday was no different. it was nice to see alot of people i hardly see around, and to spend a saturday night with old friends is always nice. sunday was spent at golden mile complex (don't ask me why okay haha).

tuesday was spent karaoke-ing with friends. haha. i'm not really into karaoke-ing, but i've done it a few times before. having said that, everyone knows for a fact i cannot sing. but in any case it was a great session with hanan, haekal, fahmi, fadhli, zuraimi and iza. but the sad thing is partyworld will close down in 2 days' time. it's so sad. and k-box is so expensive. looks like we can't really karaoke in clementi anymore then. this week is the 1 week break from school, but i haven't really been able to hit the books yet. the things is the readings are such a chore. even things like history (supposed to be among my favourite subjects), i dread reading. especially of asian history, and even more when it comes to early history. you know, those 2000BC kinda history which involves archeological digs and all to find pieces of pottery and fossils. that kind of history is so primitive and very backward, and i don't like it. i much prefer modern history.

okay i want to talk deep also. i just feel like doing so.

i want to talk of the matters of the heart. my heart. firstly the area around my heart hurts, because yesterday i accidentally got kicked there in training. but that's physical. to talk of the figurative heart, it is a tricky topic. me and na'im have talked abit recently, and i realise that with regards to matters of the heart, our positions don't differ much. we are facing problems and issues. i am facing issues head on, and i have no idea what to do.

i think it is sad. i am not the most eligible person around, but neither am i the scum of the earth. same goes for na'im. i wish things were never this way. i wonder what else do i have to do. i wonder why things turn out this way. and i wonder why it doesn't turn out this way for other people. i wonder why it cannot turn out like other people. things get complicated as one grows older, and this goes the same for the personal matters of the heart.

the interesting issue when it comes to this stage of life is this - do we bear in mind issues of marriage too when we like someone? is that an important criteria in liking someone? do we have to imagine the rest of our lives together, and feel whether there is a future for both of us? do we picture building a home and future, with kids running around? it is a very interesting thought. and a passing thought too.

in any case, i'll be frank and say i'm really at the crossroads now, still choosing which way to go - to go straight, turn left or right, or make a u-turn. i also don't know what is there to hope for, and whether do i need to hope for anything anymore. i wonder what is the next step that na'im will take, and everyone also wonders what i'm going to do next. i can tell you i'm as clueless as you all are. the good thing about life is it isn't all about personal stuffs only.

okay that's all for today. i think that's enough melancholy for today.

lethargic

i have just passed the most tiring week so far in school. ever.

what a relief. school has been really weighing me down, mainly because of the history essay that i had to complete. basically it's a take home mid-term test essay, 1500 words complete full with citations and references. the questions were released on tuesday, and were expected to be handed in before 5pm on friday. it was crazy.

i only started to read sme of the readings only on tuesday. and by wednesday i still hadn't started, despite giving training a miss. i only started on the essay properly at 3pm on thursday, with just under 26 hours to go. the last time i did such a thing was with na'im. with just 36 hours to go, we just went for the jugular. and for a paper that was started upon with only 36 hours to go (3000 words mind you!), the grade that we got was not too bad at all. well i managed to complete it anyway by 2am+ on friday morning. considering i really didn't know how to tackle the question at the beginning, i think it's still not too bad. for more criticisms about the troubles of doing this essay, do visit fairus' and gad's blog. haha. and the thing is, there is going to be another term essay for this module of the same length. it means we will have to do 2 essays in the end. it doesn't help every module has a term essay to do.

and the hardest among them, is the exposure history modules. of all the modules! the questions are really hard, even harder than this paper that i just completed. it's crazy. and considering next week is the term break, and i also haeve quite abit of non-studies activities excitingly lined up already, it's really going to weigh me down.

so that's why i've been lethargic this past week. not enough sleep+history exposure module test on tues+history term paper due on friday+talk on judgement day on tuesday+classes+readings+hokkien class on thursday and friday. and this is without any silat trainings or gym sessions. haha. finally a break from all this! but after school starts again, back to the hectic schedules!

oh and about the hokkien class. crazy me signed up for the hokkien conversational class. so did izarina, fahmi, fadhli and nadia. it was fun. the only hokkien that i know is probably a range of vulgarities, and some funny terms that jj and fab always like to use and i learn from hearing them speak. haha. but i think i know abit more from now. it's quite interesting to note how vulgar hokkien sounds, even if what is being said isn't. it is also interesting to note how beautiful arabic also sounds, yet sometimes when you hear the translation it isn't something pleasant. haha.

in any case we were quite enthusiastic in learning i guess. haha. even if we are never going to really converse in hokkien daily, it's quite interesting to learn abit. maybe i can ask jj and fab to teach me even more. i would like to go for more hokkien classes! haha. but the teacher was kind. in any case, he can speak english mandarin hokkien cantonese teochew hainanese japanese and basic malay. that's really quite impressive. one fine day i should pick up a proper 3rd language. it's a shame i could never really master arabic. in any case i won't take a 3rd language in school anyway. okay so now i can count from 1 to 99 in hokkien i guess. haha. can't remember what 100 in hokkien is though. well at least among the 5 of us, we can spew all sorts of nonsense to each other if we meet up next time. haha.

so later on i have a bp bbq at east coast park, which i'm going with fairus and hanan. tomorrow is a trip down to golden mile centre with some of the rest, probably i'm playing the role of a tour guide and middleman. haha. then tuesday is the karaoke session, then wednesday/thursday is the cycling session at east coast park. thn saturday there is the silat performance at hougang. i wonder how come i have so many things on, considering the lack of social life i enjoy. haha. in any case it is always a much-needed welcome break from studies.

okay la that's about it now. wa ai ki jiak peng liao. buay tahan leh.

slack

and overdue entry, but not as overdue as na'im's. haha.

last tuesday i went for my run again, and this time round i made it further - to the huge playground at west coast park, where the mccafe is situated at. i think in total i ran around 3+ kilometres? maybe closer to 4km. but i didn't feel as tired as i was the previous week. maybe my pace was more relaxed, and in any case running in a park is much more relaxing than running along the roads and haveing to brave the fumes for those huge ass container trucks that always zoom by to the port. it was quite a nice feeling to reach the playground, at the time when the sun was about to set. after heading back to school i popped by for the muslim youth intelligentsia series. well, alot of questions were posed but hardly any answers were given. in any case it was alot of poeple just trying to impress each other with what they know (me included) and no more than that. well in any case i had no interest in the topic whatsoever. the next one, where the theme will be the synonimity between being malay and muslim, sounds interesting. next week's talk on the science of the end of the world sounds rather interesting. i think i'll have to skip my runs then for this tuesday.

after training on wednesday me and na'im had the sepupu (cousin) challenge. i challenged him on how fast we could et our roti prata. i had 2 eggs and 2 plain, he had 1 egg and 1 plain. and by the time i was done with mine he had only eaten his egg prata. haha. anyway when it comes to something i like to eat i suppose i will eat it fast. haha no such thing as enjoying the food slowly for me. unless you throw me something that i loathe (spaghetti, for instance) then i will probably take my time over it.

yesterday we pulled off the 100 people mob gag on amirah and it was fun! but damn it i was so caught up with it i didn't capture the thing on video, even thought i was holding the digicam. damn it! i feel so guilty, because only i saw the whole thing happening from the back! it was nice, but i wished everyone could have seen it for themselves. what happened was we were walking up the slop after training, and everyone was walking around amirah. then from the back i shouted bomb! and everyone else reacted by squatting down and tucking in their heads! haha. it was a pre-rehearsed move already, and amirah reacted likewise! it was funny because she just followed what we all did. it's just wasted that i couldn't get it on the camera damn it! anyway we got our inspiration from this youtube video, in case you haven't watched it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj0Ma2CsHME.

yesterday i also went to my paternal grandparent's place. a mini-celebration of my cousin's birthday. in any case nowadays i like to listen to what my grandpa, my uncles and my dad talk about. it's very interesting to hear them talk about alot of things. yesterday was about fruits, johor, work accidents, certain history sites of singapore etc etc. very interesting stuff. and i've been asking around to find out how old their grandparents are as compared to mine. because the thing is my grandpa is 79 this year, and my grandma isn't that far behind. even the maternal step-grandma is well into her 70s too, and if my maternal grandpa was still alive today, he would be 79 too. well yes, my family is abit aged. usually by the age 80, alot of malay people would have great-grandchildren already but it won't happen anytime soon in my family just yet.

in any case it was interesting to hear the conversations. and my grandfather is certainly an adventurous kind. he likes to go around anywhere alone, and for his age he's still quite active! haha. he even knows the fish soup at the banquet in geylang is nicer than the one at vivocity. he's brave enough to take the public buses alone in and around the jb area (and i have been criticised for going to jb alone to shop!). he knows the processes of how a body is exhumed in singapore. and because he grew up in singapore in the 1930s, so he knows what singapore was like before world war II. like how areas like bishan, serangoon (the very plot of land on which my grandparents' flat is) were cemetaries. how areas like cambridge road (near farrer park) were full of fruit plantations and nurseries. and kolam ayer was a pig farm area! the area around cedar girls' school today was where the hindus used to cremate dead bodies in the open, and the smell of the kerosense would just waft around the whole area. and he used to work as a grass-cutter once! haha. seriously i've no idea what he worked as in his youth. as far as i know by the time i was born i think he had retired already by then.

he still does gardening as and when he can in johor i think. in any case he's one of those bigwigs among the boyanese pondok community i think. haha. because boyanese people used to live in pondoks around the farrer park area in the interwar years especially, so they were a really closely-knit community. my dad knows people from the pondoks too i guess, but as for me - well, let's just say this boyanese knows not a single boyanese word, much less know who's who in the community. in any case my grandfather sounds like someone great! haha. although one thing in common that me my dad and my grandpa has is that we like to go around places alone. haha. it seems my grandpa likes to 'merayap' around on his own. my dad does this too on a saturday, when he'll just take buses and get lost somewhere in and around singapore to sightsee. i do that myself when i go to places alone, to find out how this place looks like and what not. and the other thing in common is the temper. my grandpa and my dad has a horrible temper. so do i. haha. so yes, do not rub the wrong side of me. this is a warning. haha.

even my late maternal grandpa - i think he's something like a bigwig among his community. they have some nickname for him as a form of respect of that sort. all i know in his youth he was an avid biker - owning up to 6 bikes at a time! haha. and he played badminton regularly too. but he was the soft-spoken type, unlike my paternal grandpa. although i was also not sure what he worked as in his youth. oh yes i've mentioned this all before about my grandfathers on my blog. now i remember. i'm making it sound as if my grandpas were/are really great people in their own right. well, at least in my minds they are! haha.

well it's just that i find it amazing to find out how my grandpas were in their youth, and how they can still stay active even when they are in their twilight years. my only wish is that when i grow old like in my 60s and 70s, i still can fend for myself and still be able to think with a rational mind. when i hear of stories of people just not taking care of their parents in their twilight years, it makes me sad. i pray that i will not be among those who do so, and i don't want to be treated like that either. people who never fend for their parents in their twilight years incur the wrath of God, and that isn't nice at all. in any case, i always wish even in my 60s or 70s i can still go around singapore on my own, still be able to play badminton with my friends and still go out and do alot of stuffs. or even have the sane mind to read.

that was a very long and random entry. ok sorry people.

depressed

warning: i think the entry will be quite long.



the week has been rather interesting. the other day on tuesday, i went for a run and when i reached back i was really gasping for air. that is how unfit i am. and i'm quite sure the maximum distance that i ran was around 2km plus. but i think that helped me the next day in training, since i felt fine after going through the paces in training. i think running does help, although if i still tire out too soon after a short run i have no idea how i am ever going to improve on my fitness.


on thursday the night cycling central committee went to sembawang park for an outing. well, the beach was really awash with a lot of non-chinese, but i didn't expect them to be that many. if sembawang park was as packed as that, i wondered how east coast would be like then. in any case we played a lot of games, dared each other to do nonsensical stuffs and of course, camwhored. the photos are on facebook so do check them out. after the outing we went to causeway point to have dinner at banquet - alas, it wasn't open so we walked to al-ameen at woodgrove and ordered food to take away, and ended up eating dinner at a playground somewhere in the middle of the hdb flats of woodlands. haha. but yes, the whole thing was fun. although people really stared at us since all of use were wearing the committee shirts.

well my watch strap broke when i was playing captain's ball, so now i'm left with 1 watch out of 3. i lost my actual watch around 3 weeks ago, and now the reserve watch is broken. the watch that i'm left with is too nice to be worn to school. haha. so i need to find a new watch! but there isn't any cheap ones out there anymore. well at least for the type of watch i'm looking for. it's quite annoying. yes, you might say a watch is now redundant nowadays since handphones and even mp3 players keep track of time. well, i'm too used to just looking at my wrist for the time and this might sound wrong but i feel naked without wearing a watch.

just now i had training and i did okay i think. till sparring time came, i fared rather badly. i was against jason, and it was his first time sparring. well i kinda lost to him, since i didn't put up much of a fight. i don't know why. firstly i think i didn't really want to exert myself because the injury on my right foot keeps coming back. i seriously have no idea how long it will take to heal completely, since it's been more than 1 and a half months already since i first got injured. it really is annoying when it sometimes hampers me in training. add to that now a sudden back strain as i'm typing, and my left inner thigh is hurting like mad because there's a pull there. in any case i haven't really gotten my techniques in training right yet. i'm really struggling and way behind others. i'm quite slow in picking up alot of things. unfortunately, this is also amonng them. well guess all i know is that i try to do what i can within my limits.

alot of things in life i've never really been able to do properly even though i do spend quite abit of time on it. like in my secondary school days. i was in the military band, i actually became leader of my section. sounds impressive. but i can't even blow the trumpet properly. i could never reach the high C note, and i could never tongue my notes properly. and that considering i spent around 3 years with my trusted trumpet. i've been playing badminton since secondary one but my skills have never improved. football? that goes without saying. my style of play has also never changed over the years. i don't know, i feel that i'm not really good with things that require a certain amount of skills. i always wonder how people can be good at let's say playing the guitar, at football, bowling, singing all at 1 time. seriously if you ask me to name something that i'm good at with my hands or something that requires a certain level of skill, i can't really name you anything. all i can tell you is i know probably almost all the capital cities of the world, and maybe add in their currencies as well, and how their flag looks like, and where they are on the world map. well that is quite a useless piece of skill, if you ask me. unless i have to appear on whose line is it anyway often, then that's a different story altogether.

the general mood is now of sadness i guess. i don't know, i feel more down than up nowadays. is just some general melancholy that has hit me. maybe it's gotta do with the workload that is going to pile up, with all the deadlines that i have to meet. and mostly my personal life, which is just about as messy as pakistani politics right now. oh well. i'm stuck and i don't know where to head to.

i have no idea what to do now, since i'm at a loss. i need some timely divine intervention to drag me out of this mess!

crazy

i'm officially going crazy.

for the past 7 nights, 4 of those nights i have dreamt of my night cycling central committee.

and this is when the event has already long passed.

initially out of the 1st 4 nights, 3 of them were dreams about the cen comm. when i thought they have stopped then yesterday i dreamt about some of them again. doing recce at that! with a huge ass map that didn't even resemble ANY parts of singapore.

if it's not about recce, than its about the actual event itself, or even meetings.

haha is this the hangover effects, like nuclear fallout kind of effects? post-event mental trauma of that kind. it's not like i've been thinking hard about it or anything of that sort. i hope this passes over then. haha i don't want to keep dreaming of recces and meetings and bicycles and routes and what not.

in any case i got injured again during the last training. blocked a kick while sparring and in the process my right foot (again!) got whacked. it was funny actually because hanan got injured against the same opponent, and i actually came in to replace him. in any case, he got injured at the right foot too. when i walked out of the area i just looked at hanan and we just both laughed. it's just funny we got the injury against the same person, me after him, and at the same spot. haha. reminds me of that minor accident that i had with him during night cycling. i was riding fast back to fetch the next wave of cyclists and i wanted to make a right turn ahead. but suddenly at the path junction a tyre stuck out and i couldn't avoid it in time. i didn't see the cyclist coming becausemy view of the path was blocked by a hedge of some sort. in any case my bicycle just crashed into the tyre and i flew. i landed on my back and picked myself up, only to see that i had crashed into hanan, of all people. we just laughed because it was all so funny. luckily i didn't suffer any injuries, but his front tyre got punctured.

and na'im's brother got married yesterday. and i went down and so did my friends, who played the kompang. and there were other friends too, since the bride is a teacher, so apparently some of my friends were ex-students of hers. i just went around to take photos and video shots of the couple and also of my friends. the rain threatened to spoil the day but luckily it didn't rain heavily and for long. marriage is such a huge and messy affair, so i don't want to get married so soon! haha. i think i'll get that car and work my ass off first, then i'll talk about it.

well for now i should just happily stick to my readings of suharto and general ne win and of negotiations and the spanish conquest of mexico and what not. and not think of night cycling stuffs anymore. errgh.