kurban

hello blog!

i haven blogged for a few months i think! haha. sorry man, just had no mood to blog at all. then when i wanted to the exams came and passed and i didn;t have the patience to just sit down and blog for a while.

so what has been happening? nothing much i guess. i thought the exams that just passed were okay, except for one paper. at least the general feeling is better than last semester. but add to that i have a new group of people and friends who were willing to also just spend long hours at the school library, even on saturdays and sundays. for weeks we led a sad life but i hope all the effort would pay off eventually.

arsenal has gone through a somewhat inconsistent patch lately. probably the most annoying was the loss to villa following the win over manchester united. their season has been largely inconsistent, and i think its due to a lot of factors. an ineffective captain, a few underperforming players and several players who are really not good enough to make the cut. alot of people are really not the best of managers but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that players like bendtner and eboue are never going to be good enough. seriously. after eboue's horror show against wigan it just confirmed what i think of him - a player who's strength is just plain speed and that's all. for wenger to expect him to play as a right winger, his finishing is really atrocious. i don't recall him scoring and i don't expect him to do so. as for bendtner, the guy is big but looks clumsy all the time. even adebayor might be big but at least he scores and is more consistent. although i'm still tearing my hair out at how the team doesn't want to score from long range, although nasri has done so and denilson has shown he does try once in a while. i really think a few old heads should be brought in and some of those youngsters should really be sold off.

last saturday i went book-crazy at the borders sale. me and fabian went there at 12+ and left only at around 3+. i thought it was worth going there. novels went at $5, and alot of non-fiction books went for the same price too. although strictly speaking i bought more of those kiddy-books haha. as in those kind that are more interactive and with more graphics and makes for simpler reading. in total i spent $96.12 and fabian spent around $71. haha. for books i think it's no issue that i spend such an amount. after raiding borders i met up with the guys at dhoby ghaut and spent the whole day just slacking around and playing games with them. quite fun. this was somewhat like a follow-up to the post-exam party the previous night.

the other day i watched bolt with nana. it's quite funny and cute. i'm the kind that don't really laugh out even when i watch something funny or comedies, but bolt made me laugh out a few times so i think it says alot. but maybe you might want to download it online and watch on your computer though. nevertheless i think it's worth catching! haha.

yesterday i spent most of the day at tentera mosque helping out with the qurban. my 1st time ever! i went with hanan who was also making his debut! haha. there were other people like hasan, harun, hakim etc etc. i was quite an eye-opener. all 174 sheeps were slaughtered. i've never seen a live slaughter before actually. i actually felt abit pitiful initially (although one is not supposed to) but after a very short while everything felt very routine. i just got numb seeing all the faeces and blood spilling all over and there were alot of sheep to be slaughtered! haha. we didn't slaughter any but most of us just help to hold the sheep in place so that it would be easier to slaughter them.

some were fighters to the end, struggling and kicking about (i got kicked at my heels 5 or 6 times!). some had horns already. but most were submissive. they just lay still, only occasionally moving about. i think they know salvation is what they will achieve for all this. at least they know they are guaranteed paradise - but what of us? one thing is that yesterday's session made me feel closer to the Almighty.

and after the whole thing was over the smell was unmistakeable - we all smelt like sheep/goats. me hanan and hasan walked all the way to the MPSH in school so that we could take our time and bathe. along the way people could jsut see how dirty and smelly we were. haha. the smell was hard to get rid off. after bathing the smell still stuck to our palms and feet. haha. but i think it was worth the experience really. though i've got a cut on my left sole and my arms are aching now.

okay that's all for now i suppose. training resumes back later although i am going to be hampered by the cuts and bruises here and there i suppose. see you all later!

i'm now blogging on my sister's lappie.

mine is down. damn it. and i think i can only collect back my cpu tomorrow. haha. i seriously think i've a problem with computers since they always spoil all too easily.

in any case raya has been very mundane. we didn't go out this weekend, and only went out on the 1st day and last saturday. not that i took advantage of that and studied anyway. but i'm now bored and just sian my lappie is now the subject of yusri's it jinx. oh well.

anyway raya every year is all the same routine things. only this year i see mre of those minah and mat couples going out and doing their routines. i see more of those see through kebayas and ther figure-hugging tubes. those long skirts with slits that go high up to the thighs i've yet to see though. one of these days we're gonna get those cleavage-baring kebayas you know. don't bet on it not happening.

the other day on my way home i saw this mat and this secondary school girl with her uniform on. the mat was going off so they did this customary handshake of theirs (you know the kind stupid minahs submit themselves to do with their so-called 'elder brothers'). but this was revolutionary. first the minah shook hands and placed his palm on her forehead. then she pecked both the cheeks of the mat. thn the mat returned the favour and did likewise. and then to top it all off - they then pecked on the lips. then the mat went off.

wow. i'm sure they are not even together in the strictest sense of 'in a relationship' but look at the elaborate customary goodbye ritual. wow. i'm amazed it has already progressed to such a stage. i've always viewed girls who show their 'respect' to elder guys by shaking hands as stupid. for what rational reason should they show such respect? i'm sure at this point in time girls can think for themselves what is right and what is wrong. what sort of pleasure or honour they derive form such acts i cannot fathom the slightest. it's all linked to the 'abang angkat' and 'adik angkat' thing which i find even more ridiculously absurd. i've always viewed such things with utter disdain.

pardon me if i sound too strong, but sometimes i feel that my own community is really heading towards self-destruction. we make up almost 15% of the singapore population, yet only 4% of our students make it to university level. indians make up 7& yet 10% of their students make it to universities. there is a huge disparity in that. how can that not be possible? during fasting month i see malay people still sitting around at coffeeshops not only sipping coffee but beer at that. people are struggling to make ends meet but we have youths who spend their time idly and can be seen at their worst at night and especially weekends. then when such problems spiral into out of control, then who's to blame? parents? the stupid kids themselves?

then suddenly the onus is on the government or even the few malay elites to take on the problem. is that fair i ask you? when are they ever going to realise that we are at the bottom rung of society in every sense - economy, education, social status etc etc. but all they wanna do is to make babies all year round and drink beer and idle and etc etc.

i have friends who drink beer, and aren't probably the most pious but at least they have something called common sense. common sense to know what in life they want to be, and know what is stupid and what is not. at least they know what they seek to do in life. sometimes i wonder what else do malays lack. if religion cannot provide a meaningful guide in life, at least common sense should. or even a sense of why can't i do better than him, or i want to be like that guy kind of mentality. but it's sorely lacking, and i fear when i grow older the malay problem will just be a mega-problem. till then i would think it's too late to stem the tide.

pardon me for my strong feelings. i just feel sometimes when it comes to issues regarding malays, i can't help it but feel very strongly about it. yup. so that's all.

on a lighter note i think i'm receiving much more duit raya than in previous years. okay dah. toodles!

hari raya

it's the night before hari raya tomorrow but i'm stuck here in school in the computer lab still trying to get my essay sound coherent. this sucks.

just now i ran into mehmet, one of the muslim international students here from turkey. he says tomorrow he'll be studying away in his room. that's pretty ultimate.

this year's ramadhan hasn't been the best of ramadhans. i think i can do better next time round. just didn't feel like i've done much. even raya doesn't feel like tomorrow. somehow i don't feel the excitement and the hype surrounding hari raya this year. i don't know why. it doesn't help that raya comes smack in the midst of tests and essay deadlines for many people, yours truly included.

well my mom says raya every year also have, but the chance to sit for your exams etc come only once. haha. very practical reasoning. oh well, its better spending the night of raya away in school struggling to finish essays rather than spending it in the jungles of taiwan 3 years ago.

okay selamat hari raya people.

attitude

within the short space of 1 week i've been scolded/reprimanded/suan-ned by 3 different lecturers. i realy feel like a student with an attitude problem. maybe i am deep inside. i know in my jc days my form teacher did resort to calling my mum up after i skipped class once. haha.

last week, on monday in tutorial the lecturer, i think upon seeing me sharing notes with another guy, suddenly said out to the whole class that for the forthcoming test we had to bring all our notes, printed out on paper since it was an open-book test. tsk. i kinda looked around and realised i was the only one who didn't bring my notes to class. what an open way to suan me.

then the following wednesday i got reprimanded by the lecturer in lecture for talking with nick. okay that was really my fault, but well it was surprising. i mean the fact that i got reprimanded to that extent. although actually i've always had a history for being told off for talking in class. like countless times i think. from being scotch-taped to the mouth in p4, to jc1 when my teacher said in class - 'muhamad yusri! stop touching tan xing yi!' haha. so embarrasing, in a full lecture some more.

and then earlier on monday, me and fab got reprimanded for apparently laughing at the picture the lecturer screened during lecture. yes we were laughing softly, but for some weird reason or another the lecturer thought we were laughing at his powerpoint. twice he remarked on it in a general statement, but it was obviously directed at us since he kept eyeing us throughout the lecture and right after the moment we laughed he immediately reprimanded us. tsk. we weren't even laughing at the pictures he screened.

so 3 times within a week i got scolded/reprimanded etc. i'm showing streaks of a student with attitude i think.

okay that's all.

birthday

i turned 22 yesterday.

today i shall blog about my birthday. maybe i've talked about it before but it's okay i shall just repeat.

birthdays in my family have never been an occasion to celebrate. it's really one of those standout points of my familial culture. birthdays pass like they never exist. it's not like we forget each others birthday, it's just that we don't celebrate. so at most i'll get the occasional kiss from my mom or hearing my sis saying 'wah nari birthday seh!' haha.

which is enough for me really. i don't really know why we don't celebrate birthdays, but i think it's tied to this other point - we don't eat out. very very rare, if ever. so no going out to eat, hence no going out to celebrate. even at home, i can only recall my sis' birthday being celebrated only once with a cake (when she was 6 i think?). the cake had strawberries on top, and if i remember correctly it was a mango cake. or something like that. the only birthday cake i had was when i was 4, and although i'm not quite sure who bought it, all i remember is it was a chocolate cake with strawberries on top, and we had it at my grandparents' place. since i was 4 then, there was only my elder cousin and my sis who was just born months earlier, and my mom and maybe my aunts, so it was quite a low-key affair. my next birthday cake was when i was 18 - a hello kitty cake, shared between me, fab and jj in a combined birthday celebration at pizza hut after our maths prelims exams. why hello kitty, i asked my classmates. oh, we couldn't get dear daniel, so we had to settle for hello kitty. right. i still have the photos of them up on friendster amazingly. haha.

the fact that i can remember my cake had strawberries on top of it almost 2 decades ago probably sums it all up.
hardly anything exciting happens on my birthday. in 2004 i went to school to study, in 2005 i was in camp doing running in the morning. in 2006 i spent it fixing some hardware up for my pc. i can't even remember what happened on my birthdays when i was in primary school or secondary school. it didn't help that my birthday always fell in the september holidays. haha. so last year was really weird in having to come to school for lessons on my birthday.

in any case don't take me wrongly - it's not that i'm lamenting that my birthday doesn't get recognised/acknowledged/celebrated. it's really fine with me. i know nowadays people interprete having birthdays to honour themselves in a way. out of the 365 days in a year, the birthday then becomes a day for people to rejoice and be happy for themselves and having the people that they love around them. it's perfectly normal.

in my case, mum and dad grew up in tough times, and celebrating birthdays are probably the last thing on their minds while they were growing up. i suppose that mindset still carries through to today. being as practical as they are i would really understand if they never celebrated anyone's birthdays in the family. even my sister has never grumbled or anything on this point. i accept this as the culture of my family which would really deviate much from the typical familial discourse of contemporary singaporean families. haha. so i'm fine with that no worries. and i'm sure there are people who have similar familial cultures too, and i'm sure they don't feel the least disturbed about it. of course in the event i have children in the future, i shan't impose such a culture on them - since kids nowadays seem to be born naturally as spoilt brats.

last year i had my primary school friends celebrate for me at amirah's grill. it was fun. a small mini-party of sorts. i appreciated that since i've never had any birthday dinner of any kind before. very sweet of them, especially nurul rather, to have organised such a thing. we played peribahasa charades and taboo. haha. very fun.

what about this year? as always i woke up on my birthday feeling normal, like the day was just another day. i went to school to study actually, since i knew i wouldn't do anything productive at home anyway. after studying for quite a while then i went to choa chu kang. a dinner with izy and iza. well, not exactly correct.

we made our way to cck park, and wow i was surprised and amazed at the turnout. a surprise guestlist was already waiting! for a fact i knew more people were invited, but the turnout was unexpected really. i probably can't act being shocked well, but in my heart i was telling myself wow, these people actually bother to come from afar to come and eat. i'm touched really at the turnout. so far the biggest number of people i've somewhat celebrated my birthday with. at least the food was great, and so was the company. can't really say the same for the presents, but well - i shouldn't complain should i? haha. thanks anyway. the gifts that they gave centred upon the theme of bottles, so now i have bottles of all sorts and sizes just occupying the already-packed fridge, and they are also lying around in the kitchen. haha.

in anyway thank you very much people for coming down. even though the dinner did not last long, i'm touched and amazed by the fact that the turnout was really good, and many bothered to set aside time to come from afar and be there last night. and a special thanks to my dearest who organised the dinner for me! thankyou for the cupcakes too dear! (amazingly they have strawberries on top too) oh and her friends too - funnyfriend, onion and whatever-her-name-is - for the card. thanks to all of you who also gave me gifts and cards, and thank you very much too to all those who smsed, msned, or even facebked me well wishes. really alot of people wished me well this year. haha. a far cry from those days of the jahiliah era. haha.

on another note i think my lecturer was sindir-ing me abit in class just now. tsk.

smrt

the past 2 weeks or so have been spent doing some things that i haven't done before.

last last sunday was spent running in the early morning in the safra bay run/army half marathon. okay well, granted that i actually signed up for the non-competitive 6km route. haha. i ran with hadi and liz. more of jogged rather. hadi fetched us and by 8.40 we were off (missed the flag-off by 10 minutes but no worries). eventually we did catch up with the main body that ran off at 8.30am anyway. 2 years ago i ran the 10km non-competitive one with my bmt colleagues, but this time i'm back as a civilian! haha. oh and i saw my old encik at one of the water points, and i purposely ran past the water point to avoid him seeing me. haha. during the race too i saw moms pushing prams with their children inside, and i wondered at the pace they were walkig at they were going to take forever to finish. because it rained in the wee hours of the morning, it was really cold and damp in the day, and what was worse was that the padang turned into a mudpool. many resorted to walking barefooted on it. well we managed to get the goodie bags and take as many free 100plus cans as we could. haha. luckily hadi drove, so we could change and dump ur stuff inside his car. haha. after drying up we were off to tanjng pagar railway station!

i suggested lunching there because i've been told the food there is nice but i've never had the chance to eat there. 1 problem is i've only been there once, like more than a decade ago, and that was just alighting from the train from kl and then heading home. and secondly, the railway station is really out of the way for me, and i've no particular reason to be there or anywhere near that area. well in any case the food is quite nice. should go there again sometime. the murtabak i had was really something, and the food my friends bought were quite nice too. so i spent the whole sunday morning doing 2 things that i've never really done before on a regular basis - run on sunday morning with friends, and eat at the tanjong pagar railway station. something i should really do more often (the first one see how, but the second one shouldn't be much of a problem. haha.)

last friday i went to comex and got myself an external hard disk drive from western digital. i think it's got a sleek look, and for 250gb i got it at 109bucks. an okay price for me i guess. far cry from the days when an 80gb external hard disk costed 179 bucks. now they sell 1000gb (or rather, 1 terabyte) at 199bucks! freak! i got my thumbdrive last year at 19.90 for 1gb,and now 1gb can cost you $5 only. tsk. even the cost of printers have gone down. haha. i met up with fahmi for a while and walked around comex to see other deals. like a telescope for 40 bucks that was being sold. haha. we didn't think a telescope could ever be that cheap. oh and i got to see the iphone. i didn't play with it but i just saw fahmi play around with it for a while. looks cool but abit too pricey, even the singtel plans that come with it.

last sunday was spent taking part in the smrt challenge! haha. a chance to win 2K cash was up for grabs, so me, firdous, rahman and juliana signed up as a team! initially we were put on the reserve list but on wednesday they emailed me saying we were taking part. so yup. again on sunday i had to wake up early (even earlier in fact this time round, at 5.30am!) and make my way down to toa payoh. other friends also took part in this, like hanan who teamed up with his family; iza, fahmi, fadhli and nadia formed a team; haekal was with his girlfriend and her friends; there was aisyah and her family too and hazirah and maryam with their friends. haha. well the whole thing was quite fun, even if there were alot of lame parts. haha. well the thing is it's a great way to spend with friends to escape the monotony of everyday life. running around and doing lame challenges on sunday morning was at least something different to do. after the challenge ended (came in too late to be in any prize-winning positions haha) we just hung around in the hope of winning lucky draw prizes but to no avail. after the whole thing i joined the gang in bowling, but actually we never really managed to find a bowling alley after going 3 places. so we just did what malays excel best in - just sitting around and talking nonsense. haha..

today was spent doing something i've never done before - shop in chinatown. haha. well not exactly in chinatown though. today i slept like pig and only woke up at 2pm. by 3pm we were out driving down to people's park complex (or centre) to shop at og. apparently my aunt isn't sure of the way so my mom asked me to drive. i don't really enjoy driving to the cbd at this kind of hours because of the jams, and in any case the way home was horrible, because it was really pouring and the peak hour jams were quite nasty. at least at og i managed to get myself a shirt and 2 belts so it's still okay. i've never really gone shopping at og, with my mom and aunt at that. og isn't really the kind of place youngsters would really go to shop at, and furthermore, we were in the heart of chinatown. haha. i hardly saw any malays, in fact i think i only saw one. and of course alot of aunties. haha. and now i'm thinking that i should have gotten that portable dvd drive from comex for my lappie, now that my pc is down and out for some time i reckon. but i suppose that's gotta wait. haha.

so now the fasting month has started, but even after 2 days i don't feel the atmosphere or the feeling. what kind of atmosphere or feeling actually, i can't describe properly in words, but i just can't feel it yet. in any case it's good, because obviously one can save pocket money during fasting month and still look forward to getting even more money during hari raya. haha. oh and the progress package due in october. that's quite lot of cash due. *rubs hands in glee*....

okay that's all.

lappie

i'm supposed to be doing my readings but i'm blogging instead.

been here since 10 in the morning, and now it's past 4 already. in that time i've been writing cards, had lunch, read only 4 pages of readings, napped for over an hour, printed notes, wasted time, and i'm still wasting time. the amazing thing is that i'm blogging first time on my cutsie lappie! haha. it can be very trying since the buttons on the keyboard are quite small, but it can be done!

thursdays are nightmarish because i start at 8am every thursday. that sucks since that would mean leaving home even before the sun is out. on even week fridays i start at 8am too, so sometimes i start at 8 two days in a row! okay well, at least all the nonsensical and unnecessary stuffs that bogged me down during the holidays are now history, although there's still a few things to tie down. silat training has started once again, and even as the 3 of us are trying our best to do as much as we can, things can get very stressful and taxing at times. not like anyone really understands it anyway.

for this semester, i'm taking 3 political science modules and 2 history modules. i think the only interesting ones are the history of the usa and the politics of china. although the lectures haven't really been a blast, at least from what i've read so far things sound rather interesting. i can't really say the other modules are drab and boring, but they've yet to capture my imagination yet in any way. but so far so good i suppose. other than that, mine and nana's timetable don't clash for most of the days, so i shan't see her much in school i suppose.

other than school, there's been nothing much except to catch the olympics. haha. but it's been great watching the olympics! it's not like i can watch beach volleyball, table tennis or even swimming live so often. it's been quite an event. with phelps becoming the greateast ever olympian, and bolt breaking the 100m sprint record (and from the looks of it he could have actually run faster! how scary is that?), the games have been a spectacle. watching the chinese weightlifters in action were mind-blowing too. i still remember that judo gold medal match in which the guy won in 13 seconds! freaking 13 seconds and he won a gold medal! and the amputee who finished well in the 10km marathon swim. all these are amazing feats! add to that brazil played horribly in the men's football against argentina. haha. and it's extremely surprising that silvestre has joined arsenal! haha, totally out of the blue kind of transfer. oh well, they have still yet to find a good defensive midfielder so i doubt silvestre's the last transfer of this season.

okay so that's all. i should really get back to doing readings. toodles!

stressed

too many things weighing me down already.

feeling very lethargic.

epind

just now i went for my friend epind's wedding.

quite an interesting affair it was. we were early birds really. epind is my colleague from my days as a bmtc instructor in pulau tekong, so i went there with my other army friends. it was great to see all of them after almost half a year. as always i'm being ridiculed for my 'slenger' ways but it's okay. haha. i think at least i don't mind their company, and they can be quite fun. sometimes i don't quite understand their lingo but generally it's okay. i enjoy my time being with them and actually i learn quite alot from them. the thing about me is, i didn't really know life outside of my studies and always mixing around like-minded people before ns. then in ns i'm exposed to people from all sorts of backgrounds. so in a way i learn to appreciate that different people have different thinking and backgrounds. as always we like reminisce, and we all laugh everytime we talk about funny incidents that happened during our time in camp. in any case that was the first wedding among my friends that i've attended, and i expect more to follow. now we all come to the age where we start to think long-term - of finances, careers, and of the life partner. sometimes i think i grow too fast. haha.

the other day i went to watch get smart with nana. okay admittedly, we watched it very late since the movie opened more than one month ago. in any case the movie is quite funny. steve carell is one heck of a funny guy. i like guys who can act funnily or crack jokes but still keep a straight face. it's not an easy skill, and carell can pull it off quite well. if you all remember, he was jim carrey's rival for the newscaster spot in bruce almighty, and remember the scene when carrey made fun of him on tv by controlling movements of his mouth. haha that was really funny. get smart overall is a good movie i thought. everyone's just about asking me if i've watched the dark knight - well i'm not really a fan of going to the movies, so i don't really bother about catching the latest blockbusters and stuffs so yup.

school's going to start in 2 weeks' time - and i want to it to start as soon as possible. i'm getting worn out with so many things to do everyday. the personal organiser is really brimming with stuffs to do, and i would rather it be full of school stuffs to do. okay i guess that's all for now.

busy

okay i haven't updated for two weeks i know.

been bogged down by lots of stuffs really. it's crazy.

ever since the last entry, i've been doing a few silat performances, had a 4 day camp, trainings in between, going to jb, and shopping for stuffs. even at home i admit i've been playing game on my computer, but still there's alot of emails and forms to settle and handle. ergh. this sucks. this really has been the busiest of holidays. i think june wasn't this busy with work and traning and ivp in between.

just now we had a silat performance for scgs primary that lasted close to half an hour. i think we enjoyed ourselves, and i'm sure the girls did too. i think none of us had ever really performed in front of so many kids and all girls at that. it was fun at least. haha. even after this there's tons of stuffs to do - matriculation fair, freshman orientation camp reunion bbq, taking over of the reins for silat, night cycling committee gathering, lunch with the nus president, invitation to epind's wedding, cmad, cycling trip to ubin, meetings and more meetings..... and the list goes on. ergh. faa suggested getting some sort of a personal organiser, which i did just now, so i think it should help. suddenly i realise everyday of the week there is always something which i think i should really start jotting down in the organiser.

well last week was the freshman orientation camp and frankly speaking, i've yet to recover from the exertions. i was a facilitator, and well i didn't really come out of my skin i admit, but i think i achieved what i set out to do. at least i tried not to be half-asleep during the camp, and i tried to interact with the kids in one way or another. maybe i didn't interact much with them but i think overall i'm quite pleased with myself. haha. we didn't win the overall challenge but i'm happy i got that group of kids. i think it was fun being with them really. as expected it was tiring, and maybe not as happening as vault camp last year, but it was still great nevertheless.

july sucks and i really can't wait for school to start. even when school starts i think there's really not much things to look forward to anyway. now i understand why they say university students really have no life.

news in the footballing world are quite shocking nowadays. as always arsenal are always offloading their best players to barcelona. this time round it's hleb, who joins a list of good players like overmars, petit, sylvinho, van bronckhorst and henry. i think there are more but i can't remember who else. the only player to move in the opposite direction is fabregas only i think. oh well, it has been reported arsenal will have to resort to selling its best players to keep themselves afloat. for a club the size of arsenal it's really sad.

okay that's all. i'll think i'll go play game first then slowly think about what i've to do for the next few days.

ica

okay yes i haven't blogged for more than half a month.

i haven't really had anything much to blog about really, so finally today i do have something worth blogging about.

remember the posting about me having to update my thumbprint in my passport? well the thing is yesterday i went to jb and the same thing happened - i kinda got callled up again into their rooms and half an hour was wasted. tomorrow i'm going to jb again so just now i went to ica to have this matter sorted out.

when i asked the lady at the 2nd level she told me to go to the 3rd one. so i took my queue number and waited there, wondering why i was sent to the identification card department instead of the passports department. well when i went into the room i found out why. the thing is this - my passport of course derives my thumprint from my ic. so when the person re-scanned (or updated) my thumbprint and i saw it against the one on my ic, i understood why i always have problems clearing the automated gantries at checkpoints. both sets were so different! at first glance you would think it's two different sets of thumbprints. anyway the guy said my original thumbprint was poorly done, but still - they both look completely different on the screen. so the thumbprint in the ic was the source of the problem, meaning for the past 7 years i've been going around with a thumbprint on my ic that isn't exactly mine. haha. well at least i think tomorrow i should be able to clear that automated gantry without any problems.

after that i dropped by sim lim square to try get the screen protector and maybe laptop cases. the thing is my screen is 9", and my sister's is 17". it's really extreme - one is too small, one is too big. so i walked around and i hardly saw any that could fit both. most were between 12"-15". so i didn't get what i wanted, and if screen protectors of that size were rare, don't even think about finding laptop cases of that size. in any case my lappie is really small, it's pint sized. it really affects the eyes, so much so that after a while using my lappie when i read smses on my handphone suddenly the alphabets become bigger, or rather longer top-down. haha. i'm not kidding. i'm still trying to get used to typing on smaller buttons on the lappie, so i think it will take quite a while.

the past 2 weeks have been filled up with various stuffs. so-called training camps for facilitators for the upcoming freshman camp, silat, last few days of work and just going out. so next week is the camp, and then followed by silat performances, and matriculation fair, barbeques maybe, and maybe also a chalet. haha. even holidays are ultra-packed.

i'm now just abit disturbed by the fact that the online timetable builder is not yet updated when the modules are already out. so i'm really still thinking of what modules to bid for next semester, since the political science modules are mostly such a turn-off but the history ones are very interesting. which really makes me want to major in history but well, i think i should really stick to political science. for practical reasons i guess.

okay that's all for now.

holland

i'm now blogging during the half time between france and the netherlands. kuyt scored and the dutch are leading 1-0. if it stays this way the dutch will qualify for the quarters! haha. they play nice football, as do portugal, which is the 2nd country i support. i like the style that both countries play with. it's a pity the dutch jersey this time round isn't as nice as the one they had for the last world cup.

work has been such a bore. late nights caused by staying up to watch euro 2008 hasn't helped my cause. sometimes i just while time away by walking around and chatting with the other staff to while time away. the other day i took a 2 hour lunchbreak just to waste time. haha.

the other day me and nana went out and happened to drop by at the convert's association at geylang. a place that she wouldn't feel out of place i told her. haha. in any case the bookstore has alot of interesting books, so i got myself a teach yourself arabic book. haha. there's a high chance it might end up rotting away on my bookshelf, as is always the case with me and books purchased. and the book is quite thick. but i should really pick up arabic. jerome says it's a waste that i don't since it would really be an advantage for me. so i should probably start somewhere then. haha. even if teaching yourself a language is quite hard. but hey, apparently raffles did that in his youth. haha.

just now i dropped by the pc show at suntec. i ran into fahmi and he accompanied me in getting the asus pc eee 900 laptop. i got it at 798 bucks. it's that cheap because its small (the screen is 9 inch) and it has minimal functions. just enough for me to bring it around in my sling bag to do work anywhere in school. haha. so now that i have a laptop, i don't have to go around doing work on other people's laptops or just wasting 4 or 5 hours away straight at the computer lab in school. i'm trying to resist the temptation of installing msn on my laptop, although fahmi says that's impossible. let's see how. haha.

recently people have been in the mood of holding my hands for no reason at all. at work all i do is promote the exhibition there, and when i point to the tickets in their hand some actually reach out to hold it, as if i wanted to shake their hands. hallo people! who shakes hands with their left? i was really using my left hand to gesture. haha. 2 people in succession reached out to hold my hand thinking that i wanted to shake their hands when i wasn't. haha. just now was even weirder. i was crossing the road to suntec, and then there was this family crossing too. there was this granny, and she mistook me as one of her two male grandchildren. without looking she unwittingly held my arm, thinking that i would hold her arm and guide her to cross. haha. when she turned she exclaimed eh! then she moved away in embarassment. haha. i was stunned for a while. really weird.

oh and one more thing - thanks to those who flooded my tagboard. the thing is it's not i'm giving up. i'm not. i will try again so don't worry. it's ust that i'm fatalist in a way, in the sense that i will try even if i think i will never be good at it. but well, we all wouldn't know what's up for us in the future. so yes i will pick myself up and try.

okay the match has restarted and it's really end to end stuff. france are really piling on the pressure. come on netherlands!

so much for the lucky forehead. i lost my first match and with that i'm out. haha.

i was utterly disappointed with myself because i didn't put up a good and proper fight. i'm not upset because i lost, but more of how i lost. i thought it was a rather disgraceful showing. i totally could not execute any moves properly, and at the end of the day the opponent was much better than me. i got felled a few times, and even if there were a few unfair calls against me overall i accept i fared very poorly and my opponent did much better. it was embarassing to say the least, in front of all my friends and not put up a proper fight. i also showed my utter lack of fitness towards the end. after the match i just locked myself up in the toilet for around 15minutes and just leaned my head against the door and closed my eyes and thinking of what just happened. a lot of things just flashed through my mind during that time which seemed like forever. beads of sweat were still drippping down my face then. i couldn't help but feel that i should have performed at least much better. i don't think i want to watch my video of that match. at least not now. congrats to those who have proceeded to the next few rounds.

oh well. i joined silat in the first place not because of glory or medals - but because i want to try something new, something i might never have the chance to do again. i accept that for some reason or another i really have limited skills and abilities. years of playing football and badminton have never really improved my skills, and attempts to learn simple things like swimming and playing the guitar have failed. i give up easily sometimes and i lack discipline too but many times i really feel hampered by the fact that i really cannot master skills well. like some people have a talent to draw, or sing, or play the guitar, do sports, become it-savvy etc etc. i just can't grasp them. i'm very poor at things when it comes to being hands-on about it. it gets frustrating when i think of exactly what useful or worthwhile skill that i actually have, because it seems that i have none. this of course would not stop me from training. i might never improve in the future, but at least i should really try harder the next time round. i should still try even if i fail, but at least i must know i have tried. oh well, we'll see how the next 2 semesters pan out.

work is ultra boring. all i do is just stand around and give brochures and that's just about it. for 7 hours! haha. at least today wasn't so bad. because there were 5 of us at my area and we kept talking to each other to while away the time. if you ask me i prefer working at takashimaya last year, even if it is quite tough and the hours are long and all. then again generally speaking, work sucks and for all the pressures i get throughout my school life, i would rather read thousands of readings and type out essays than just do routine work every single day. seriously. oh well. at least i work till only close to the end of the month, and july i have lots of stuffs to do and things to occupy myself with.

it's a good thing the euros have started. i'm with holland, but i have an affection for portugal too. haha. good thing my house can tap on those free indonesian channels.

firstly sorry that it took such a long time for me to get the groove to blog.

for one alot of things have happened in between either making me lose the mood to blog or i'm just plain tired from all that has happened.

first things first - my results. my results, as expected, took abit of a dive. that it happened was inevitable, the only thing that mattered the magnitude and scale of the fall. overall it's still okay, but i can't help feeling shitty about it. seriously i could have done better, and it isn't help by the fact that for one reason or another, i felt that the modules that i took last semester were rather tough. i felt crappy after getting my results since it's never nice to fall, but i'm now okay and ready to fight it out all over again next semester! haha. although it's interesting to note how fast a year has passed. a year ago i was still tending to pots and pans of various prices and shapes and sizes in takashimaya, and now here i am just having completed my freshman year. and looking forward to next week's ivp.

that of course brings me to the impending ivp. it's only next week, and of course it's impossible to say i'm ready. how can one ever be fully ready for a competition like this, or even exams per se? the thing about sparring in silat is that you do it alone, and for me it's really the first time that i'm competing in an individual event. yes, collectively we represent the school but at the end of the day in the ring it's really personal. this is different from performing with the military band in front of 60000 screaming crowds at the national stadium, and also answering questions in quizes. this is more physically and mentally challenging, and i go through it alone. if you ask me the fear/edginess/nervousness has yet to sink in, and maybe it will only sink in on the day itself. then again, seriously speaking as a newbie i don't have anything to lose since i start on a clean slate, and the only person that i have to prove to is really myself. so i'll just do what i can, and see how far i can go in ivp. technique-wise i'm really not up to standard, but i'll make do with what i can.

on another note after a long search i've gotten myself a job. thanks to intan, and then rahman, we got jobs at the science centre. my job is quite slack actually, though i only start this coming monday. all i'm supposed to do is just usher guests to some water exhibition thing that they are having, and i work only at most 4 days per week, 10-6pm. haha. it's quite a brainless job, and at least i get to walk around i guess. or rather, i'm suppose to move around in this automated skate-scooter thing that's called a segway. haha. well it's only for month so it's okay. it's just to fill up time and try new things. at least there are a few friends at work so it's still not too bad. after work i can just zip down to school for training if required, and if i really need the money i can just put in effort in that conversational malay tutoring programme that i went for an interview for earlier this week.

which brings me to the next point - an interesting incident happened on tuesday! haha. i was looking for the building on cecil street for the interview, and as i was doing so this sikh guy just came up to me and said hullo brother! i said err hello, and ignored him since i was more bothered with finding the address 139 cecil street. the guy didn't take the hint and the next thing he did was to come up to me and say -

"you have a lucky forehead. the shape of your eyes yada yada yada tells me that you are going to get lucky next mth. you are going to get a promotion in whatever you do the next month. that is what i forsee.

i just replied err okay. haha i didn't know why i should really believe all that mumbo-jumbo of his. then he went on to say he was a yoga practitioner that kinda thing, and the next thing he said-

"alot of people die early, in their 60s or so. as for you, i look at your face and i say that you will die at the age of 94."

i smiled and just said okay. haha. wow, he's like some modern nostradamus or something like that. upon which he took out a small piece of paper, the size of a bus ticket, and wrote '94' on it and asked me to crush it in my right hand, keep it clenched inside and hold my hand down. he then asked me to choose a number between 1 and 5. i chose 4. then he asked me to choose another number between 1 and 5, and i said 2. then he wrote both numbers down on another piece of paper, and in between he wrote '3' and circled it.

"3 falls between 2 and 4, so 3 is your lucky number. so in whatever you do remember the number 3 will bring you luck. so now choose a name of a flower."

flower? i couldn't think of anything so i just said rose. then he said

"so rose is your lucky flower. rose will bring you luck. now bring up your right hand, still clenched, and blow at it at the hole there. and open it."

well well, guess what? remember he wrote 94 on it? when i opened it the number 3 and the word rose was there, and some scribbling below them which i couldn't figure out. haha. i really didn't look impressed, although the whole thing is quite amazing. in the end he just wanted donations, saying he was from india and all. i could only give me 2 $1 coins since coins were all that i had. haha. then he went away. oh i forgot to mention - his body odour was really strong.

after my interview later on i went to do abit of shopping, and finally i got myself the bag that i wanted. isetan was having discount on the springfield bag, so i just bought it. the last weekend i bought a pair of dress shoes at the robinson's sale. we originally intended to go for the adidas sale but it closed after 7. so we went over to robinson's to see what we could get.

what an eventful week it has been. next week is really going to busy, with work, training and ivp. and the class gathering this sunday. haha. go go go!

silat camp

the past week and weekend has been very draining.

on thursday i did an 8km run with hadi. he was late since he was spray painting his bike first, so i did an 8 round warm up on the cck stadium track first. we then ran 5km around cck and teck whye area. hadi had his fieldpack on his back, which weighed i think 10kg? maybe heavier but i'm not sure. the run was quite relaxing, and should really go running more often to build my fitness up.

then friday saw the start of the silat training camp, which i co-organised with na'im and farah. i forgot to thank them for their efforts, so thanks guys! i shall thank them personally next time. in any case training kicked off in the afternoon doing ridiculous push-ups unimaginable by my own admission, and after that we proceeded with doing the 2.4km run. i fared very poorly (13.07 mins!!!), and it didn't helped that it was really hot, and i did not recuperate properly from running 8km the day before. my timing was embarassing so i must buck up. the night was spent away just talking and laughing away in 1 of the rooms.

the next day was our friendly with ntu. my first ever match! haha. i sparred with this guy who was two weight classes above me, and somehow i won. it's a nice feeling to win when your team is trailing 3-0 down, but more importantly i think at least i tried to do something about the match. i know i didn't play that good a match since i didn't really kick him around but all i did was to block and punch him repeatedly, and only managed to do a throw in the dying seconds. at least it was an experience to savour, and this should help me in my learning. the techniques must improve though, and i must be braver in using my legs. but it's nice to win, and well the team eventually did win overall, even though it was by the slimmest of margins (11-10). at night was abit of games session and just talking the night away.

sunday was madness. we ran from school all the way to bukit timah hill via clementi road. once we reached its peak we took a wrong turn and went down another way, and ended up at dairy farm road (bukit panjang was just a stone's throw away!) then we took a longer route way back, just walking all the way. by the time we reached ulu pandan road the rest had already left us far behind since they had started running ahead, so me, zuraimi, hanan and amirah flagged a cab back to school. haha. all in all i think we convered almost 20km or walking/running. it was crazy. 5 hours spent outside just running or walking. luckily training was not that rigorous in the afternoon.

today i went out with nana to marina square. i got those guards that we were supposed to get long time ago, but i didn't get the groin guard because i didn't know what size mine is. okay, i should rephrase that. rather, what size i should wear. haha. so i just got myself a pair of adidas forearm and shin guards. haha shame on me for emphasising on the brand, but i really like the brand. at a combined cost of $32, i think it's okay. then we walked around and ate at zamzam at bugis, where there was this funny scene involving my primary school friend hatta. haha. on a day like vesak day i was bound to run into a few familiar faces and that was what that happened.

okay that is all. must push push push!

perak

i just got back from my malaysian trip yesterday.

quite tiring actually. it was a trip for all the sports leaders in team nus, so we did get to meet other sports leaders. frankly speaking, i think it's typical of me not to really come out of my skin and mingle around with the others in such camps. there's some barrier within me i think. oh well. so i kinda got myself left out of things, but well there are some people that i managed to make small talk with. it didn't help they really look the sporty kind, and they are always talking about competitions., IVPs, trainings, their halls, how they got their halls (it seems almost everyone lives in halls). haha i've never even entered a friendly, let alone a competition, i don't stay in halls, and well, silat is quite different from the other sports, especially team sports.

and again it happened. my passport couldn't clear the automated machine system fpr the 512976154th time. so this time round i actually got called into the office and the officer in charge tried to sort out things. apparently the system could not match my fingerprint to the one in my passport. so he says i have to go to ICA and update my thumbprint. right. the rings on my fingers are like trees you know? every year they grow an additional ring, so i suppose i have to keep updating my fingerprint annually.

we were based in gopeng, perak. i did whitewater rafting there. it was okay, even though going through the rapids didn't really pump up the adrenaline. on day 2 we did caving. it's quite interesting to be in the cave, seeing all the limestone formations. it was like a mini-geography lesson. although it was really troublesome getting down on my hands and knees and just crawling through the underground river in the cave. our clothes stank real bad from all the smell of the guano and the murky waters. later on we did rock climbing, and it was something i have never been able to complete actually. well then again, almost everyone could do it, so it isn't and outright achievement anyway. haha.

but the camp was okay i guess. maybe i didn't help myself by not really interacting, but yes i think the activities were okay for an inaugural trip of such a level. a few days escape from singapore and suddenly when i get back i get a whole lot of surprising news. haha. and the training camp is this weekend. it's all so troublesome. oh well, faster do faster finish.

on another note, some idiot of a malay girl called me while i was in malaysia claiming that i know this guy and she kept asking me on that. when i asking her back who she was, she just answered 'orang lah!' typical stupid minah kind of answer. then i just lashed out eh hallo, i don't know who you are but i'm now away in malaysia and you are really wasting my money on autoroam so please don't waste my time anymore. haha. apparently it worked and she hung up, and the call lasted a grand total of 1 minute! phew. if not i would have to pay for another minute of extra charges. but the next day as i was clearing the malaysian checkpoints she smsed. she tells me to tell this friend of mine to watch his mouth if not his face would be 'scratched' by some other guy. wow. how can i help save someone whose name i've never even heard of?

typical stupid brainless minah resorting to such measures when some guy's mouth becomes a loose cannon. i got worked up over this because she really thinks i'm masking my real identity even though i've told her my name and all. haha, seriously, good luck to that supposed friend of mine. if his face gets splashed with acid or pepper or confetti like as if i can do anything about it. i know it's a small matter, but it's just that i can't believe i wasted my time actually talking to some idiot of a minah on my handphone when we just reached kl.

some people really have nothing better to do.

okay finally i'm done with the exams yesterday.

but today was spent painting my room with my mom. now it looks really good with a fresh coat of paint, although the blue is abit too blue, almost looking like baby blue. the paint colour is called skylight anyway. so the shade of blue is brighter than the previous one. haha i can't help just looking at how fresh the walls look now.

and yesterday after the paper, i joined some of them for a short karaoke session in town. i can't sing for nuts really, but heck. it's always fun to karaoke once in a while, although i would never know what malay songs they would be singing. some of the old ones i would probably find familiar, but the more recent ones are really alien to me. haha. well when my jc class had karaoke sessions last time they always sang chinese songs. haha. but either way it's always fun to sing, or rather croak , my heart out.

and the exams have been really shitty. the papers haven't been good to me, and i could also feel that my revision was not effective at all. it really is worse than last semester, so since all have been wrapped up let's just say all i can do is pray and hope for the best. the main theme is damage limitation.

so now in this short few days, it's all going to be such a rush. another round of painting tomorrow, then going out on thursday and friday. thn saturday night till tues its off to malaysia. next friday to sunday is training camp. and i need a job to fill up the coffers. its really times of recession. inflation at 6.7% and the crazy rise in rice and petrol prices is no joke. looks like i need to reject offers to go on trips to bangkok then.

the other day on the train i saw this girl. she was about 5 or 6 i think? but she's such a poor thing. she had a tube inserted into her left nostril, then she's on this custom-made pram. she seems very immobile, as she was emotionless. her pupils were always looking upwards, so much so that you could only see half of her pupils. then her mouth was always open and kept hugging this soft toy of hers. i think she had a prosthetic left leg but i couldn't be sure. so poor thing. the girl really couldn't talk or show simple expressions. all the time she just stared blankly to the ceiling. i wonder what condition she has. it's quite saddenning. she's only a kid and she's already like this. i wonder how other kids who might suffer from even more chronic conditions are like. it was really something. sometimes one questions why some are born with such conditions and have to go through alot at such a young age. maybe the answer should be so that one could appreciate how healthy one is born, and really thankful for that. oh well, i wouldn't know.

okay that is all. really full of random thoughts.

exams

i have just got time to carve a few words.

well i haven't been going on msn lately, and furthermore my pc finally succumbed to the confounded virus that has slowly ravaged my computer slowly for the past few months. so now it's being repaired. funny how it always breaks down during the most of critical of moments. it is a sign!

other than that life has been take up by the madness caused by last minute preparations for the exams. after that there is no break at all. off to find a job, off to perak for some camp, off to a camp in school, off for training, off for competition. haha this must really be the busiest of holidays ever. oh well. at least i have no major complains against anything. other than the fact that even if i come to the central library at 10am the most strategic of tables have already been taken, and that my mom is always always talking about marriage and life partners stuff more frequently nowadays. haha. it's damned ridiculous.

okay other than that that's all i guess. all the best for all your exams then.

kusumawangi

i'm now down with fever, with a stomach that's feeling really weird. been lying on the bed the whole day and i feel very weak. more on that later.

(watch no football, skip next paragraph.)

okay so arsenal is effectively out of the title race. and manchester united is going to win the title. arsenal's early season defensive strength is now no more than just a myth. well i think i'll look forward to next season then. haha that's all.

last sunday there was a malay production in school called kusumawangi. we went down to catch the play - and it was quite good actually. i thought the whole thing was superb. maybe the tickets were abit pricey, but well it's a one-off thing anyway. but well done to all those involved in the play. for such a long play and within the time constraint they had balancing studies and all, i thought they did a fantastic job. haha. after the play we all camwhored till we were the last ones to still be there actually. i haven't uploaded since i aws busy, and now that i'm sick i can't be bothered too.

monday came and i hear stories. both happy and sad. i'm really happy for some of my friends whose lives have taken a turn for the better. i feel mine has too. so we are all very happy together. hearing such stories and accounts and seeing smiles on the faces of my friends makes me feel happy for them too. although i do hear sad stories. well i feel for you all, my friends. i do hope things would turn out for the better for all of you. God-willing, it will. so don't worry.

then suddenly yesterday i was down with fever all of a sudden. we went to burger king to have dinner, then while i was in there i felt very cold for some reason. then when i went back to the library i realised that i was going to fall sick. the library was terribly cold, even though i had my jumper on. thn i kept yawning away, and my eyes were so watery. i had trouble concentrating on my readings, and by the time nighttime came i knew i had fever.

i was lucky syikin's dad gave me a ride home, because when i got home i totally caved in to the fever. haha. i was really wondering how could i have 'survive' the train ride home when i was down with fever. the thing about me is, i hardly get fever. there have been instances whereby like i could go on for 2-3 years without falling sick, so when i do fall sick, i really really fall sick. so now i feel that the fever has sapped my strength away. yesterday my body was really burning, maybe i could have fried an egg on my forehead. today the fever subsided, but i felt really weak and lethargic. i laid on the bed the whole day yet i can't really fall asleep. and my stomach feel really weird. it's feels like the stomach isn't digesting any of the food i've consumed, since it feels very watery. haha. luckily i have no school just now and tomorrow. hopefully by friday i shall be back to 100%. it's such a waste that i didn't study today because i just couldn't, and tomorrow seems like another wasted day recuperating.

oh well. i pray i get well soon.

dear you,
thank you very much for everything. i appreciate it all. :)

she brings me brighter days.

captain

this week is a week full of all types of emotions.

(skip the next 3 paragraphs if you don't follow football.)

yesterday for the first time in probably eons i caught a champions league match live. it kicked off at 230am, which was an hour earlier than normal, and i started school at 4pm today anyway so i could tune in. well i caught liverpool-arsenal, and to be honest - i think it was really arsenal being luckless. i thought we had hope after walcott went on that crazy mazy run that stretched almost 3/4 length of the pitch and squared the ball for adebayor to score. but a freaking dubious penalty (it was really 50-50, any other referee might not have given it) spoilt it all. then the babel counter-attacked which resulted in a goal really made it seem as if arsenal was really that horrible. i hate the way arsenal lost last night. i was up and about prancing around in my room, just shouting at myself in frustration at 4+ am in the morning. haha i haven't been so frustrated and so emotional watching football for a very long time. even the arsenal defeat to barcelona in the champions league final 2 years ago i could stomach. but to lose in such a stupid manner - i really went to bed feeling frustrated and dejected.

anyway if you watched arsenal play yesterday, i really think there's something wrong with the team. i really don't like some of their players. i don't think diaby is good. i've never really thought much of eboue. gallas is really not the leader arsenal needs right now, and his hairstyle is really ugly. clichy is not really the player he used to be. especially after that loss of concentration against birmingham he really looks out of depth. senderos was found wanting when hyypia scored yesterday, and i don't rate him much. bendtner sucks big time, and even more so after blocking fabregas' shot in the first leg against liverpool. for all of the stick adebayor got, i think at least now he's maturing. for god's sake wenger - please buy more experienced players, who will fit in the team. names like menez, schweinsteiger and diego have been tossed up. please dip into your pockets and buy like 1 or 2 of these players. the club looks out of depth and even if arsenal spends prudently or frugally or whatever, seriously abit of splurging wouldn't hurt. i find it amazing arsenal's record signing is still sylvian wiltord at 13million pounds. compare it with 26million for torres, 30million for shevchenko and 20+ million for rooney and veron.(remember him?)

anyway nothing much from last weekend's goals - just that go and catch the highlights of the palermo-juventus game. the goals that palermo scored are just superb. they beat juve 3-2 anyway. watch out for the last goal. it's really a good goal. other than that that's all. apparently arsenal and manchester united square off this weekend at old trafford. we can win, but the way i see some of the youngsters who play - i can't help feeling disturbed.

i'm a tad disappointed i got B for my marcos and suharto essay. i was hoping mayb a B+ would be good, but it's always the same thing - i'm too long-winded and wordy. haha i know that very well. i speak in circles and i'm vague. that's how i am with my mom and with my friends, when i blog, and also in essays. haha. okay well at least the essays and assignments deadlines are over! finally i can revise properly for the exams!

other than that this week has been fine. i just need to get the groove going for revision. and catching up on sleep. and making the most of new responsibilities that suddenly i seem to have to undertake. i feel i'm happier and more cheerful nowadays. i hope that will last as long as God wills it. i pray that things will go find and turn out okay, because i really want everything to work out well for me. i pray i will have the strength, the drive, the will and the mental capactiy to go through it all.

okay, so now for project manchuria.

religion

okay i'm left with one more freaking essay for the whole of this semester, and finally after that i can sort out the mess that is my studies, and then start preparations for the exams. like finally. i haven't read any readings ever since school restarted after the mid-term break, and that was like more than a month ago. that is really horrible, and after monday after i finish this japanese empire essay only than i can sort out all the mess.

(skip the next paragraph if you don't follow football.)

it's been ages since i last caught a champions league match. i think the last one was when i caught the arsenal-barcelona match way back in may 2006 in camp. if by any chance any of you caught, well good for you. i've watched the highlights for all 4 matches, and i can tell u this - bendtner is an idiot. what kind of blocks your own player shot right in front of goal? fabregas' shot was already heading into the goal for sure, and suddenly bendtner just blocks it with his feet and instead of try to backheel it in he sort of fumbles and the chances goes begging. a complete oaf. what's so hard about just widening your legs and let the ball pass through? even if he was in an offside position, i would think he wasn't interfering with play. in any case arsenal gave themselves a hard task to accomplish, then again we've beaten liverpool 6-3 before. we beat milan 2-0 at the san siro like last month? and a few years ago we whacked inter milan 5-1 away. so yes we can still be optimisitic. although i agree with some people - i think wenger is jsut too cautious in the market! come on, buy diego or something!

anyway recently i've read abit about the furore against the fitna video produced by this dutch politician condemning islam as a religion that advocates violence. then yesterday i read a newsweek article, which summed up certain events that aimed at provoking anger at muslims. like the comments the pope made last year by quoting some emperor which was offensive to muslims. and then this. and then the article mentioned about some egyptian journalist who had his baptism publicly advertised. and iapparently the journalist grew up hating islam and his articles basically reflect his thoughts on islam as not being the religion that promotes peace. and remember the danish newspaper that published cartoons really making fun of the dearest prophet.

i think all this is rather sad. if islam really promotes violence, how can it then grow to a religion so widely accepted that 1 out of every 5 earthlings is a muslim? via forced compulsion? there's no such thing as compulsion in religion. i'm sure violence is not a factor in attracting people to embrace islam, or even any religion for that matter. i think people are just trying to distort it for some funny reason or another. the other day the muslim society had a quran display session at the library. apparently some christian (or catholic, i'm not sure) guy attacked fairus verbally claiming that he saw the fitna flim and really made his feelings clear about islam being a religion of violence. i think a lot of people lack tact, making baseless accusations. i think if we are all out just criticise other people's religions then forget about religious harmony and all that stuffs. for all of the craziness of my friends we won't like criticise other people's beliefs straight in their face.

like what's the problem with all this people?from the dutch politician to the christian guy that confronted fairus - seriously, what kind of religion preaches violence? if you ask me, i think all religions preach good and peace. i mean, that's like the basic principles of religions i feel. i'm no theologist, neither am i so well versed in my own religion, but 1 thing is for sure - i think all this open criticisms have got to stop altogether. baseless accusations, fuelled by quickfire ways just to get cheap publicity is just not going to win favours from anyone. it is not going to rid the earth of all the problems. it's a clear fact islam does not promote violence, and those who do are firstly abit perverted in their thoughts, and really, they just happen to be muslims in some cases. it's the same case when the americans failed to realise that the vietcong and the vietminh were really fighting for a nationalist cause. but all they knew was this was part of a global communist conspiracy. it's all the same. double standards everywhere, and failure to grasp local realities are always going to get people in a dirty mess.

okay that's all. i jsut felt like blogging about this tonight out of a sudden.

fish

finally the workload has somewhat been relieved after all those deadlines have been met. so i'm now left with two more essays to do, so it's really not too bad.

(skip the next 2 paragraphs if you don't follow football.)

well well, the commentator said it was the 'comeback of all comebacks this season'. well it could be. i watched the highlights for the bolton-arsenal match, and yes it really took quite abit of spirit to mount such a comeback. being 2-0 down and a man down (diaby was really naive in his tackle), to eventually score 3 goals and win the match really took some nerve. and of course a huge slice of luck with the last goal. and even chelsea had lady luck smiling on them. go and watch the highlights. middlesbrough could really have won the game, and the crossbar came to chelsea's rescue thrice! well as fate would have it arsenal still trail the leaders by 6 points. at least with such a win, it should probably give them a kick in the back and push them on to the trilogy against liverpool this coming week and the next. did you see ronaldo's goal against villa? pure cheekyness i say.

oh and newcastle can actually trash spurs 4-1 away. wow. that really is a morale-boosting result. it should do wonders. in other leagues a few minor surprises, like how barcelone eventually lost a match 3-2 when they were leading 2-0 initially. so now real leads the table again by 7 points. lucky them. and ac milan lost at home, and from the highlights i could really see that their defence was really all over the place. anyway milan is really an ageing team, so it would not really surprise me that they are really a shadow of their past self. and i just realised this - i have alot of female friends that follow football. haha. i know syamim supports arsenal like i do! then for liverpool, there's like nani(i think), zuhara and nazeera. oh farah nat supports the read devils (damn them!) and well, even chelsea has a supporter. haha and the odd one out has to be nadia, who supports of all teams, juventus. ah vel supports ac milan! that i remember.

on another note in the kitchen we have a soap dispenser above the sink that is spoilt. so my dad actually filled it with water and bought 5 fishes last weekend to make use of that spoilt dispenser. haha. so we had 5 anchovy-like fishes initially, that didn't live long. by the 3rd day the last 1 died, and he bought 2 more fishes, this time slightly bigger. and by saturday night both had already died. well so now theres a new fish, and i hope it's more of a fighter than the previous ones. it's quite sad really when even a small fish just dies and i have to scoop it out and just chuck it in the bin. i hope this one lasts for long. its gold in colour, and i would think it is really bored swimming around in such a small container, suspended in mid-air at that. haha.

and in case you didn't know i got a crew cut last thursday. haha i get everyone asking me why? why? haha. well, i think its really decent. just needs a little getting used to. i think it's quite fine so to those who can't stand it, wait another 2 months okay? haha there are those who says the haircut looks fine, and of course with the normal hair it is better. that goes without saying. but sometimes change is good. haha. if i could look as good as the black people who really look damn nice with a crew cut, i would really just maintain that sort of hairstyle. it's such a waste that i'm not. haha.

ah exams are round the corner, a month away but because of all the deadlines that i have to meet i haven't done any readings for a month really. i should do something about it really soon. this semester is really heavier than the last one. and i have this feeling next semester is going to be pretty dreary and draggy.

to sign off, i'm much happier nowadays! and i can't wait! haha.

marcos

no school for the past for days officially, but i was in school for 3 days though.

(don't read the next paragraph if you don't follow football.)

okay so now arsenal is 3rd. right. we haven't won in the league in 5 attempts, and that is certainly not championship form. i thought they could hold out for a 1-0 win at stamford bridge, but my heart sank when drogba managed to get the winner. it didn't help that mascherano was surprisingly sent off some some unknown reason for liverpool. so how now? from having a 5 point lead at 1 stage, now we are 3rd, freaking 6 points behind manchester united. even real madrid has a 4 point gap over barcelona, even though they are on a wretched run of form lately. speaking of which, yesterday i caught the real madrid-valencia match. well, real couldn't really take advantage of alot of chances. they could have won the game actually, but valencia took advantage of the lesser chances they had. quite end to end stuffs at times, so it was not quite a bad game. even juventus beat inter milan at the san siro. that is really something i guess, since i don't really rate juventus that much. haha. in any case, well, arsenal have trailed the league leaders before and then put on a run of consecutive wins and the went on to win the title. i think they just need more self-belief, more than anything else. oh well. i hope for the best.

(skip the next paragraph if you don't follow politics stuffs.)

i am reading up for my essay for 1 of my modules, and it involves the fall of suharto and ferdinand marcos. it's quite interesting really. for suharto, what really triggered it was the role that university students played in rioting and campaigning for suharto's resignation. actually it happens/have happened everywhere in post-colonial southeast asia like in malaysia, thailand, philippines etc. of course i don't think such student activism will ever happen in singapore. most probably due to ambivalence i think. in any case i find it interesting that it was the role of the students that actually gave the oppositional forces the momentum. for marcos, the more famous people power who protected the rebel armed forces that advocated marcos' resignation was the spark. then 1 by 1 various units of the armed forces eventually defected to the rebel camp, and in effect 90% of the armed forces was under fidel ramos' command by the time marcos fled the philippines. it's all quite interesting when i read it. it makes me think that politics in southeast asia is really unique and very interesting, and seems different from politics elsewhere. well i haven't started on my essay anyway, and it's due on friday. so i should work on that actually. haha.

on saturday evening i met my primary school friends for a get together. it was quite fun. i think only noriza and faizal couldn't make it. yup. in total there were 7 of us, and the photos are up on facebook. it's always nice to get together sometimes. as for me, i see my secondary school and junior college friends almost everyday in school. but to meet up with those buddies whom i've known like for almost 15 years - i think it's quite an amazing experience. i realise that some things really never change in some of us, like the way we talk or look or our attitudes or perceptions of each other. it is always nice reminiscing since i like to hark back on the past anyway. i think next time we meet is to break fast together. i shall look forward to that.

yesterday on my way to school there was this really weird guy around. he kept talking to himself, but it's not the monologue kind. it's as if he's reciting lines from some drama as if he's an actor trying to practise his lines. he spoke mandarin of the china national type of accent, so the tone of it is even more remarkable. i kept thinking either he's reciting excerpts from mao's little red book, or he's part of some chinese opera troupe. the way he kept saying those lines and phrases had a certain tone to it. in any case when the light turned green, he just ran across the raod in a funny sort of way, and then he just walked around in circles on the other side of the road, waiting for something like that. but the next thing i know he was also queueing up for 96, so what was he doing waiting around the side of the road outside of the interchange anyway? something really wrong with the guy really. anyway yesterday i just thought of something - how come weird people are always guys? i don't recall ever seeing women who are weird like this. i really wonder why.

so this really adds on to the lsit of weirdos i've seen recently. oh tomorrow is the lecture where me and fairus will just look at that weird that guy who's always mumbling to himself loudly in front of the lecture. another cycle of weirdos-watch begins again tomorrow then. haha.

confusion

just a quick one.

recently alot of thinking has been done, and i think i've achieved enlightenment.

finally on the way home just now it struck me out of nowhere. so i believe i have received the sign(s).

i believe it is so. if that is so, then i shall follow my heart and my instinct and let them lead the way.

thank you God for guiding me.

history essay

my brain is really drained from the exertion caused by the craziest essay i've done.

and there's still many more deadlines to meet, so i hope i can recover from this lethargy and from being mentally drained too.

(skip the next paragdraph if you don't follow football.)

nothing much to say actually. arsenal again came back from behind to draw, this time against middlesbrough. it's really becoming a very bad habit. well because of the taxing nature of the essay i haven't really been able to follow football over the weekend. my only worry is well, when are we going to start winning again? this is seriously the best time to put together a few wins and win the title at the end. oh well i hope things will pick up.

last sunday we went to megacarnival at taman warisan at bugis. it was okay, and we just amused ourselves by making a video. a surprise video too. but yea, i spent quite abit of time there. in any case, for all their limitations they did quite a decent job, but definitely for the next group of organisers, we all certainly would expect much more.

okay today i think i shall blog about very random things.

like today i went to the ntuc fairprice, and i'm really amazed at how much the prices of chocolates have risen. it's really risen by alot. $1 could get you a candybar chocolate a few years back, now it can't even buy 1/2 of milobar. it's really ridiculous. even kit kat is nearing $1 already. everything has risen significantly, from boost to hersheys and many others. i suppose it's really due to rising oil prices. the only thing not to have risen ever since i was still a young teen (i still am,deep inside) is toblerone. i'm surprised it hasn't risen, and naturally i purchased it just now. i suppose the swiss are so netural in world affairs that they don't even bother to let themselves get affected by the global rising oil prices.

yesterday on my way home in the train this guy sat beside me (i suppose i shall not mention his race) and just blasted the music from his handphone. how annoying can one get? i'm already so drained from 4 hours of non-stop staring at the computer monitor in school earlier, and this kinda people have to sit beside me? and he was actually grooving to the music. like trying out stupid hand movements and looking into his reflection in the window at the opposite side. this is the ultimate 'shiok sendiri' for goodness sake. i was thinking 'oh no the bugger's going to annoy me all the way till i reach my station!'. well, it turns out the handphone was his friend's, and i think he got annoyed by him because i think he feared his battery would run low if the guy kept blasting music continuously. anyway thank god he took back his handphone, because the other commuters were visibly pissed already. and the music was horrible for goodness sake.

today me and fairus kept laughing in lecture at this freaky and weirdo of a guy. he's really weird. he wears thick black socks and SAF sandals. wow. and he'll just mumble to himself loudly during the lectures (so loud that we could hear him all the way back at the last row in a big lecture theatre), and i seriously wonder what the lecturers think of him since he sits at the front. his mannerisms are really weird. i really wonder why some people are like that. is there an argument for him really being born like that? or is it the environment at home or in school that shapes him to be like that? i really wonder. in secondary school we had this guy in class, who was really weird. the name's terrence. ask any of my upper secondary school classmates, and they'll tell you all. he's really weird. he loves garfield so much he has a garfield pencil case and bag too i think. then, now and then he will just whip out his wallet and kiss garfield's photo that he keeps inside. they guy had green algae or mould or even toadstools growing on his nose. he was really very unhygienic. i'm serious. and he'll memorise like all the malay people's dad's name so that he could make fun of it if we bullied him. of course in a class like ours, naturally we would all bully him anyway. but well, apparently he's semi-retarded, according to our teacher. so i suppose that might explain his behaviour and character. the teacher did warn us about him. but well, we still bullied him anyway. haha. okay we were bad i know.

oh well, life would be mundane without such characters who don't fall into the lines of the common discourse.

on another note, i'm officially still confused!

okay that's all. presentations and interviews and essays coming up.

confused

it has been a crazy past week.

with all the tests and assignments and essays due, it's really madness.

and i'm not the buziest of all the peoples. there are like so many of the others out there who have had 1 hell of a week, and are going to have a hell of a week and hellish days for the weeks to come. i'm feeling strained too because of assignments that are piling up, which for most i don't really have any idea on how to start on them.

i'm feeling rather lethargic nowadays due to lack of regular sleep, and neither do i have any mood to do work anyway. then again i don't have the mood to do alot of things to either. the general slump is really worrying but i can't be bothered to arrest it. haha.

(skip the next paragraph if you don't follow football.)

okay so here's the thing - how can any team beat milan 2-0 at the san siro, but only manage to secure a 0-0 draw against wigan? it's mind-boggling but it happened. it makes me frustrated as a fan of arsenal, but football is like that. and i missed all the champions league matches despite wanting to watch them in the first place. i just couldn't imagine only turning in at 6am after watching all the matches, and that would mean being zombie-ish in the school the following morning. so basically my only diet of football would be select la liga and serie a matches, largely thanks to the antenna's ability to tap into indonesian channel networks. but la liga isn't that boring too actually. valencia actually plays good football, and it's the kind that's quite pleasing to watch. ever banega is really good in real life. too bad they took a 2-0 lead, only to be pegged back to 2-2 by halftime. anyway inter is quite on a roll in serie a, but seriously their defence is quite weak i think. a team like reggina could actually test the inter defence with shots that with abit more luck, could have just turned into goals. it's no wonder inter couldn't hold up against liverpool. i think inter will still be knocked out anyway, since i think pool have the capacity to beat inter even at the san siro.

(skip the next paragraph if you don't follow politics, especially malaysian politics.)

well well, so bn got trounced at the polls. i can't help thinking that abdullah called for the polls too early. but i think it's because he wants to console by trying to gain legitimacy for his rule in the aftermath of problems plauging the government. and if he held the elections any later, anwar would have qualified to take part in the elections too anyway. but then again i still feel he called for elections too early. and bn paid the price for it. they lost 4 states (that's really alot mind you) to the opposition. so now it would really be interesting to see how the whole thing pans out. the thing about malaysia is, its among the more democratic countries in southeast asia. democratic in the sense that at least results in the polls are not overturned by a declaration of martial law or complete disregard to the election results (think philippines and burma/myanmar). what makes it more interesting is that this election results is part of 1 of the modules that i'm taking - government and politics of southeast asia. as in the results will affect the syllabus of the module with regards to malaysian politics. but it is interesting to see if bn, or more specifically umno, can regenerate or reinvent itself and then regain back lost ground in the next elections.

anyway i think enough of the melancholic series. haha. i can say now i'm not that sad anymore. but it's changed to confusion. okay now i'm really really confused about a few things. a lot of matters have suddenly surfaced, and old facts and knowledge have suddenly been give new twists to them. this whole confusion thing is really driving my brain nuts. sadness is the disease of the heart, confusion seems to be the disease of the mind. i get weighed down by all the considerations and decisions i have to make with myself. i need to do alot of soul-searching, and self-reflection. i need a guiding light, i need a moment of truth, and i need the peace of mind.

but most importantly - i need a sign. God help me.

melancholy

http://megacarnival08.wordpress.com/ - visit this webbie people, and show your support!

it has been raining yesterday and today, and it makes me feel even more lethargic than i already am.

today the news writes about the israeli attacks into gaza. apparently it killed alot of civilians, children included. the other day i watched a documentary in class about the atrocities that the israeli army has done to palestinians in the past. i think it's sad. i don't know if i can comment much, but as a soldier one cannot kill civilians. the thing is, this isn't even war. yes, everyone has a right to protect their security within their own territories, but for me this is too much already. but the world can't do nuts about it, and everyone just goes about issuing statements of restrain and what not. something that i can even do on my simple blog. well i won't say much about this anyway, but like many world leaders all the world i shal just 'condemn' these 'acts of violence' and urge 'restraint' from both parties and urge the renewal of 'peace talks'.

and let's not even start on mas selamat kastari. i suppose he appears everywhere on buses, train stations, even in RCs and CCs in the form of posters, but yeah, he still eludes the authorities.

(skip the next 2 paragraphs if you don't follow football.)

well, arsenal gave me a near heart attack by only equalising against villa in the dying seconds. it's quite worrying to see arsenal's attacking options being very limited in the absence of eduardo and van persie. i can't remember the last time adebayor has scored for arsenal, and that slump is worrying. well at least the did really put in effort in coming forward but villa really made it hard. if playing badly and still being able to gain a point is the hallmark of a champion, then i hope this yer would be it! seriously, at least now it's already march, and arsenal is leading the pack.

oh and if you all did read on what i wrote on sissoko last week - well guess what, over the weekend he did yet another overhead kick. but this time at least it lead to juventus' opening goal. it was frey's fault as he only managed to weakly punch the ball out to sissoko, and he acrobatically executed an overhead goal into the net. well done for him, but eventually juventus still lost 3-2 at home to fiorentina. in any case, i watched abit of that match and sissoko's passing is still as wayward as ever. haha. other than that this weekend's football diet hasn't served up as much controversy as last week did i guess. so next up is the midweek champions league ties, and i should like to want to watch them games, since i missed them 2 weeks ago.

on saturday evening we had a silat performance all the way in hougang and it turned out okay. no major injuries, except for me bumping into zul when i was being thrown on the mat. i caused redness around his left eye, and a small graze below his left eye. other than that the performance was okay. even thought there were mats but the whole matted was quite small. there was not much room for manouvre so we had to improvise with things a little bit.

yesterday night i also caught a silat performance with fadhli at ucc. but this time round it was a combined effort with nus ilsa tari. overall the event was okay. the dance was quite good, althought the silat performances was a tad disappointing. saw a few perguruans on display but there wasn't much excitement in any case. both me and fadhli agreed that well, at least we didn't have to pay to enter and watch. haha.

(the next few paragraphs will form part of the melancholic series that i've somewhat started from the previous entry. so err actually it's best if you avoid this part. and don't say i didn't warn you.)

so how do i start this.

let's just say life has been becoming sadder than it already is. if i want to be frank, yesterday was probably among the saddest days in my entire life. yesterday i woke up feeling horrible, and i made my way to school to study. i had to force myself to get out of home so that sunday wouldn't be wasted at home. overall yesterday, studies-wise it was a very productive day. i managed to complete reading a political science textbook. so all is okay.

but yeah, i cannot hide the fact that deep inside i'm somewhat devastated. crushed, like the collapsed crane incident at nus the other day. for almost the whole of yesterday, whenever i'm alone, i just felt like breaking down there and then. when i studied, sometimes i felt distracted by thoughts and all. i will just stare blankly into space and think.

yesterday i received good news too. well done my friend. at least i can say congratulations to you, and may things turn out how you hope it would. if i might add, this was what i was hoping that would happen for you. although it is not exactly how i fathomed it would turn out, well at least you are happy with it.

and i hoped that it would happen to me too. it would seem almost perfect. i have my own dreams and visions. alas, i don't think they will ever be realised. your good news made me happy for you, yet even sadder for myself. when i look at things from even bigger perspective, it magnifies the devastation even further. but do not put blame on yourself. it does not take away the fact how elated i am for what has happened to you, so i am grateful. do not worry about me.

the book i was reading yesterday was on negotiations and diplomacy. if only feelings could be negotiated. if only we could bargain for feelings. but people are not states. and neither does feelings involve professionalism and formality.

i cannot hide my extreme disappointment because of my sense of attachment and fondness. when put in perspective, it is different from how it was in the past and how it is now. am i the victim of choice or circumstances? i wonder. it is sad that like i said the last time round - i am not most eligible, neither am i the scum of the earth. then what is it? as oxymoronic as it sounds, there is always constant change. people change, and so do their values, ethics, character, personality, thoughts, ideas, beliefs and many more. do i want to? if i am given chance i will see to it and see if it is okay.

in any case, i just have one thing to say - i'll see where the heart takes me. if it turns numb or is open or whatever, i will just go. i know God's miracles works in the strangest ways, and i believe in Him. all i need is a sign. a guiding light. this slumber will not last, so do not fear or worry for me. the only person that one can ever ask for help from is himself. hope is everywhere, it is just that i haven't had the belief to hope yet. it will take time.

still at the crossroads though, don't know whether to go straight, turn left, turn right, or make a u-turn.

1 week break

it has been a very eventful past few days, and i forsee a lengthy entry ahead.

and visit this website please people! http://megacarnival08.wordpress.com/

(those who don't tune in to football, two things - firstly, skip the next 4 paragraphs for obvious reasons, and secondly, for the love of God, do tune in! you're really missing out alot!)

been wanting to blog about the football matches on the past weekend. since it has really been a very interesting one for me. for starters, i think everyone would have read about eduardo's horrific injury. i saw the video on it and the tackle was quite horrible. eduardo suffered a fractured leg and a dislocated ankle, and most probably we won't see him in action till next year. which is real sad, because firstly he's from arsenal (like damn it!), and secondly, he's really a skillful player. martin taylor should be banned further! it was a tackle was really uncalled for.

if anyone tunes in to la liga or the serie a, what i'm going to talk about next might interest you. especially those who caught the real madrid-getafe match and the reggina-juventus match. for the first match, real lost 1-0 to controversial circumstances. real was having an off day and when they finally scored the opener, around 6-7 real players celebrated at the opposing corner flag. but the goal was ruled offside, and getafe quickly took the freekick. they counter-attacked and it was 4 against 2, and eventually getafe scored from that counter-attack. real could never muster a goal from the match, and lost in front of their home fans. i find it all so funny. for the 2nd match, juventus managed to grab the equaliser after going down 1-0. then reggina attacked, and a cross was sent in from the right. sissoko (yes he's at juventus now) attempted to clear the ball. but the manner in which he did it was really outrageous. he attempted and improvised overhead or bicycle kick to clear the ball, and at such a height, he was obviously going to miss it (which he did, anyway). in any case he caught the back of a reggina player and the referee blew for a penalty. a little more and the swipe of sissoko's boot would really have caught the player's head or face. juventus lost 2-1 because of sissoko's folly.

well, what can i say? it sissoko. if anyone ever saw him play you'll know how horrible he is. what kind of player would attempt an overhead/bicycle kick in your own penalty area to deal with a cross? it's not like hes short or anything, hes 1.93m tall for goodness sake. and for attempting such a clearance he could have just injured the opponent in the face or something, which is quite serious. but then again sissoko doesn't play with his brains. i seriously wonder, that how come for someone his age (he's only 23) and for the player that he is, he has already played for 3 big clubs - valencia, liverpool, and now juventus. only God knows how.

then again the past weekend i watched a few matches in la liga and serie a. and alot of players area really really good. you wonder how they have the temperament to pull of skills and tricks in high-tempo and high-intensity matches. joaquin of valencia is really good, and so is silva. zigic is just a freak at such height ( he's 2.02M tall) but he seems lousy. amauri of palermo is very good also, and no wonder clubs want him. there is much hype about milan's oddo's high quality crossing abilities, and from what i saw it isn't just hype. it seems true. and well, i don't think i have to say much about players like eto'o, messi, xavi. i used to admire xavi alot, because he seems to be able to do everything very well - dribble, pass, tackle, head, shoot, score. the epitome of the central midfielder is really xavi.

okay enough about soccer. last saturday's bbq at east coast was a blast. haha when it's out with people from bp, expect non-stop laughter and nonsense. and last saturday was no different. it was nice to see alot of people i hardly see around, and to spend a saturday night with old friends is always nice. sunday was spent at golden mile complex (don't ask me why okay haha).

tuesday was spent karaoke-ing with friends. haha. i'm not really into karaoke-ing, but i've done it a few times before. having said that, everyone knows for a fact i cannot sing. but in any case it was a great session with hanan, haekal, fahmi, fadhli, zuraimi and iza. but the sad thing is partyworld will close down in 2 days' time. it's so sad. and k-box is so expensive. looks like we can't really karaoke in clementi anymore then. this week is the 1 week break from school, but i haven't really been able to hit the books yet. the things is the readings are such a chore. even things like history (supposed to be among my favourite subjects), i dread reading. especially of asian history, and even more when it comes to early history. you know, those 2000BC kinda history which involves archeological digs and all to find pieces of pottery and fossils. that kind of history is so primitive and very backward, and i don't like it. i much prefer modern history.

okay i want to talk deep also. i just feel like doing so.

i want to talk of the matters of the heart. my heart. firstly the area around my heart hurts, because yesterday i accidentally got kicked there in training. but that's physical. to talk of the figurative heart, it is a tricky topic. me and na'im have talked abit recently, and i realise that with regards to matters of the heart, our positions don't differ much. we are facing problems and issues. i am facing issues head on, and i have no idea what to do.

i think it is sad. i am not the most eligible person around, but neither am i the scum of the earth. same goes for na'im. i wish things were never this way. i wonder what else do i have to do. i wonder why things turn out this way. and i wonder why it doesn't turn out this way for other people. i wonder why it cannot turn out like other people. things get complicated as one grows older, and this goes the same for the personal matters of the heart.

the interesting issue when it comes to this stage of life is this - do we bear in mind issues of marriage too when we like someone? is that an important criteria in liking someone? do we have to imagine the rest of our lives together, and feel whether there is a future for both of us? do we picture building a home and future, with kids running around? it is a very interesting thought. and a passing thought too.

in any case, i'll be frank and say i'm really at the crossroads now, still choosing which way to go - to go straight, turn left or right, or make a u-turn. i also don't know what is there to hope for, and whether do i need to hope for anything anymore. i wonder what is the next step that na'im will take, and everyone also wonders what i'm going to do next. i can tell you i'm as clueless as you all are. the good thing about life is it isn't all about personal stuffs only.

okay that's all for today. i think that's enough melancholy for today.