end of year

so the end of year beckons.

what have i really achieved this year?

frankly speaking, nothing much to brag about. oh well except the much coveted driving licence. and alot of my materialistic aims have been achieved (upgrading the whole computer system, shoes, clothes etc).

on a side note, let me go through again how much i've been in these tow months (nov and dec) alone!

$149 + $25 + $399 + $69 + $178 + $15 = $835

wow. a grand total of $835. that doesn't even include all those spent on transport and food and the what-nots. right.

anyway the $174 was spent of two shoes, 1, an asics running shoes and another an adidas sneakers. i'm really thinking of buying that converse pair that costs just under $50. ah i'm really stocking up for my life after life.

back to the main topic.

what i've gained from this whole? actually it;s only lessons. lessons for life. things that only life in ns could have thought me at this stage of my life. like how i realise now, people are really diverse in every way possible. the only similiarity is that we are all human beings and that's all. people of all kinds of characters, personalities that you thought could never exist do actually exist.

it is interesting, this point, because it leads to another point - how do you deal with such a variety of people? since everyone else presents to you a different type of character and personality, definitely dealing with them cannot be through using a standard method. and so i've realised that i've really gotta handle different people differently. if not, i might just hurt their feelings, or they might get the wrong perception of me. it's a give and take world, i guess. it's all so complex.

and working withpeople can be such a chore. and that would lead to another point - what about my future working life? what if i don't really personally like my colleagues? so how? i can;t really choose how i want my colleagues to be like. i can't choose my working environtment, neither can i choose my superiors. it's all fated to be like that, like it or not. freedom to choose is really bullshit i guess. how can one choose how they want to live? given the aspirations and the needs that we need to fulfil, are we really able to live life they way we want it? i think that's too much wishful thinking.

life is really about choices, they say. but some things have already been pre-decided for you. so what's there to be choosy about? anyway in singapore, i believe there's not much of a choice on how we can really live our lives. it's all so preset, so pre-determined, so fake.

well, we ain't got much of choice do we? life goes on, and you live only once. oh well.

on a brighter note, the jc class gathering that i'm organinsing, the response has been quite encouraging. i hope things turn out okay though. i'mn really looking forward to it, since everyone hasn't seen each other for quite a while. hope all goes to plan and almost all will turn out.

looking forward to the new year, and of course, the life after life!

december

it's been a while since i last updated.

so i'll try and condense it all.

finally december beckons! the recruits will be passing out soon, and my time is also coming up. another 8 more weeks to go before it all ends! haha. although i'm just taking things a day at a time. but december would still be a busy month for me. i've still got alot of duties to do, and not much leave to clear. i can't even go for my secondary 2 class outing on the 10th. boo hoo. i haven't seen them for a very long time, must have been eons i think.

well last week, like any other kiasu singaporean i went down to the creative warehouse sale. got lucky and purchased the creative zen neeon 6gb player worth $149. i know, i know, it ain't the new creative zen neeon 2, but hey, i'm looking for something value for my money. 6gb for $149, i think is a bargain. but there's some problems with the installation cd, so i haven't been able to use it yet. oh well, gotta call them up i guess. but the digicam looks real good. and

but my sister, i guess abit jealous with my purchase, on her own went down to plaza singapura 3 days ago to get her own mp3 player. but not worth the money. a creative zen muvo n200 (an even oler model), 1gb at $109. at the sale it went for $69, and even had a promotion price of buy 2 at $130! too rushed in her decision, so i told her off. what a waste of money, i feel.

oh yesterday i drove around for the whole day. my aunt and uncle left for thailand for a holiday, so the car was lent to us. we sent them off at the airport and the made our way to the expo. i wanted to see around for any bargains for a digital camera, and i got 1. although it's quite expensive to me ($399), but i guess i got a good deal. an olympus 6.0 camera. quite sleek looking too, although i wanted to buy 1 within the proce range of $200+. but the digital camera looks real good, and i think i got myself quite a good deal.

and then we dropped by john little, and drove around singapore here and there. at night i drove myself here and there. what a field day i had. but at night when i reached home and wanted to turn right into the carpark, something blocked the way. an accident had happened so i had to go in by another way. quite a horrible accident. from the way i looked at it, it seemed as if the van was making a right turn but didn't see the motorcyclist speeding towards his direction. the motobike was completely damaged, but i think the guy got sent to hospital. the junction in front of my black is a hazardous area. every now and then there's bound to be accidents here and there.

i guess it's things like these that make you wake up about the dangers of driving on the roads. reality will strike you hard if we don't make an effort to drive safely.

looking forward to the end of the month! till then good day!

extra

finally i'm back home after being locked away for so long in camp.

yesterday i was on duty on a borin g boring saturday, so i actually had a movie marathon of my own. a grand total of 5 hours, all of which i've never watched before. first i watched munich. then i finished up hitler: the rise of evil. followed by this chinese movie called love and the city, and then paradise now. lastly i watched cast away on channel 5. haha. but it's sad enough i can't go out hari raya with my secondary school mates or with the people i went to kl with in december 2004. or the play at esplanade next week. haha it's a real sad life.

next week's gonna be the same. life is so mundane. i hope december will be power packed. december sounds like it has alot of things in store for me. can probably look forward to the class outings. or even the trip to kl. and the short break. and xmas holidays, and hari raya haji. and the fact that my nightmare is in its closing chapters. although i must admit this month i'll be really slaving it out, since it's really so packed. i don't think i'll ever go out this month.

i think i'll get myself an ipod. how soon i don't know. and the digital camera too. and the shoes, i'll have to get them at kl i hope! and a few tops or whatever. i don't know, i just wanna get out of here and scram to somewhere better.

it's a real sad life now.

feels like i should be screaming.

raya

so i have been driving around lately.

on the 1st day of raya i drove around my aunt's mitsubishi lancer and my uncle's toyota wish. haha it's quite cool to drive actually. braving myself against e elements of the roads. but haha, apparently i drive too fast,above the speed limit, especially on the highways.

like just now. 110 on the kje. tsk tsk. haha, especially for new drivers like me. but im getting the feel of it i guess, especially when driving in packed areas, or driving in multi-storey carparks. i guess i've somewhat got the hang of how to park openly and in the multi-storey carparks. but of course, such things need more experience and practice. which i won't get that much. well, i guess that bmw will have to wait another 15 years then.haha.

oh and i drove in johor on day 2 of raya. and i was a complete idiot. from the customs in jb to my kampong, it takes about 20mins by car. i drove there in my uncle's proton wira. drove at max 80. the thing was, after i reached my kampong, i realised that i didn't let go of the handbrake AT ALL. the whole time i was driving at 80 with the handbrake not released. can u imagine that? i probably burned through the whole brake system (which i hope didn't happen, although my uncle didn't say anything!). i felt really bad about it, 'cause i know the brake would have heated up pretty much alot. really hope it's all ok. it doesn't help that his wira is quite old and broken down here and there.

but at least i could go back to my kampong and visit my grandma and aunts and uncles and cousin. oh i have this hot cousin from my kampong! haha. she's really attractive. the thing is, i don't know her name, her age. i'm serious. the thing about my paternal side is that it's rather shady. far flung relatives, divorces, marriages turning bad and the unwillingness to keep in contact. i think this hot cousin of mine is younger than i am, but that's about it. i was like wow, since when i had such a hot cousin?haha. oh well i guess the next time i'll see her is next year then. next year then i ask! haha.

so far raya's been okay. i didn't get much money,but i'm not complaining. it's really about meeting the people you don't see everyday, and catch up on their lives and stuffs. and see how people grow up so fast. and people will admire how i've grown up so fast. haha it's all the same.

what are you doing now? after NS do what? in NS what's your vocation? wah why are you so dark? wah, you're so tall! and the rare questions will come like where's the wife? (someone asked this just now!) haha. it's all very mundane but hey, it's fun to see the far-flung relatives and the 2nd and 3rd cousins etc.

ah but next week i'm confined in camp, so no visiting! ah i guess there's always next year.

ah till then, selamat hari raya all!

hari raya

so today is the last day of fasting. flashback to a year ago.

i was actually charging up and down the forests and hills of taiwan. and on hari raya itself, we were all so down, and even ended up crying together. to be away in a the jungles of a foreign land on the most celebrated day in the muslim calendar is a really harrowing experience.

so fast forward back to today. still i can't feel the hari raya mood. it doesn't help that alot of weekends will be burnt in camp. oh well, life's like that. on a brighter note i didnt skip a single day of fastingh since day 1. which is quite an achievement. although i did try to find avenues to try and sleep and rest as an when i could in camp. but i guess this wasn't such a great ramadhan for me, i think and i hope to do better for the next month. basically the only plus point was that i didn't skip any days.

although this year i sent out quite a few hari raya cards. realised after going through my stuffs i had some hari raya cards left, so why not send them out? although not all have received them. haha but the feedback is always the same - you're probably the ONLY one to send me a hari raya card this year, or this will probably be my ONLY hari raya card this year, and that my handwriting is totally illegible.

i plead guilty to e 2nd point. firstly my handwriting isn't as neat as it used to be 10 years ago. secondly i had to rush through to make the cards! but haha even i myself have problems figuring out my own handwriting sometimes. so sorry for the illegibility though! haha, shall work on it the next time round.

i myself didn't receive any this year, since its more convenient for people to just sms each other. haha i only got a note by mail from clare and attached to it a replacement commie chain for the one that i lost last month. haha thanks though, even if it isn't really a hari raya card! haha. at least something came through the mail.

anyway yesterday i dropped by fab's house. he went to china last week and bought me communist stuffs from there. a whole lot of things. especially the huge ass mao zedong posters. oh and i have an english little red book! and a mao bag, a mao lighter, a mao pendant clock and mao badges. everything mao!

so mistake me for having a morbid perversion for all things communist. its just a simple fascincation with communism, especially soviet russia. imagine how such a ideology that many believed could never work but could scare the whole globe for 50 years or so. everyone was so paranoid about whoever was communist, and as far as possible everyone else tried to wipe them out. even though the USSR eventually collapsed, but it's legacy still prevails. and people still fear communism, even though they know it's an ideology doomed to fail.

and communism has thar fervour, the nationalistic fervour, the patriotic fervour. that was able to drive home the point to masses that live in then USSR n China. that was able to galvanise the masses in the efforts of building up the country. of achieving the communist utopia. amazing isn't it? such an ideology could drive millions to actually conslave themselves for the good of the nation.

but i'm not a commie, strictly speaking. i just find the whole commie thing fascinating and interesting. haha. someday i shall go to moscow and probably st. petersburg and collect even more relics from the days of the USSR! haha stalins mini-statuettes, badges, uniform, propaganda posters and what not! haha. someday i hope i can go!

so to all of you, apologies to anyone whom i've hurt through my actions and words.

and with that selamat hari raya!

rock climbing

my body is aching right now.

firstly, i went to the gym for the first time since before i enlisted yesterday and had a short workout that lasted around 40 minutes maybe?

secondly today i went indoor rock climbing for the 1st time ever! with hisham and marcus. at this place at rangoon road. oh i suck at climbing, it's real hard when you've got no strength. gripping is so hard, and i'm now having callouses at my finger joints. now the pain has subsided though.

but rock climbing is a real eye opener for me. for someone who would rather laze around, it's quite interesting actually. to actually challenge yourself and see how far you can climb. i couldn't really scale that far, since i'm quite a novice, and i'm really not that cut out for this. but actually i realised what they said is true - gripping is one thing, but actually footwork is very crucial too. it helps to ease the pain exerted by the body on the hand actually.

but i kept falling down on the mattress. haha i guess my arms are too small. well that's what hafizah said - "yusri looks bigger now, but his arms are still small." i was like what?haha. what a comment. but it's true i guess. must beef up my arms! they look so spaghetti-like to me!haha.

must work out, hit the weights, probably climb around abit more here n there, and then i'll have the "i jsut came out of NS" body. haha. but the thing is i'm so darn freaking lazy.

anyway, on second thoughts i might just want to matriculate earlier. well i don't want to hang around in the outside world for too long. i want to get back to the 'hit the books' mood again, so that i won't lag behind so much when i come in next year.

ah alot of things on my mind now. things that i need to do next year expecially. all my thought are already on 2007! how i'm gonna organise myself, gonna get things ready for school, gonna do something about the mess in my room, gonna but this and that, gonna change things around etc etc. next year will be quite exciting i feel! can't wait actually for the year's end to come.

for then nightmare will then draw to its closing chapter.

class

so i'm actually blogging from camp now. had to drag my sorry ass just to book in in the morning today. but yesterday was an eventful day.

went down to NUS yesterday with some of my secondary school friends, for that early matriculation talk. found out after all that even if i go matriculate early, i might never graduate earlier. they encouraged us to actually take up the special term as a means of finding our feet back in the study mode, after 2 years of a brain freeze in NS. so in that case i might not marticulate early. i guess i'll find a job first. i might actually work under wesley and make waffles for 1.2K a month. haha.

but i do want to travel. there's a certain yearning in me about travelling. about seeing things i don't see everyday. i wanna go to Eastern Europe! and Moscow and St. Petersburg! but it's too expensive, and i am sure to get lost. furthermore i might have to consume bread all the way through my trip i guess. but i wann go somewhere. reading the trips and expeditions that i read on the SAFRA newsletters seem interesting to me.haha. i might wanna try next year, we'll see how.

and then yesterday night i went to break fast with azhari, rushdy, hatta and shahidah. at this place called ramen ten at jubilee amg mo kio. not too bad, the food. although they didnt give us the dates that we ordered. i ordered some dry ramen, and it tasted quite all right. quite affordable too. ah it's always fun to catch up on each other's life and to reminisce.

and then we chilled at coffee bean at junction 8. by then hatta had left but nurul joined us later on. haha and we had more laughs and alot more discussions. wow, so it means ive met up with them more times this year alone than i had for the past 8 years since i left primary school. for such a ad-hoc and a haphazardly organised outing held by none other than yours truly, the turn out was considered not bad i guess. haha. next time we shall do it once more.

and reeza keeps asking me weird and thought-provoking questions! hmm! haha. very werid and out of the blue type, which baffles me! it's just so....weird.

ah my voice feels so weird too and i've now phlegm in my throat. ah the sickness that has gripped me since friday hasn't gone away. i'm still not 100% yet, probably 75% only?haha.

life is so mundane now. sometimes i feel like just dropping everything down and just run away.

things just seem so meaningless all the time. likes there's no purpose in doing things.

ah i wish all this would just end now.

break

ok so i got to book out for a while. tomorrowing morning gotta head back to camp. i booked out just to tend to a letter from NUS that needed my signature and the letter be posted back to them. and i've got the real driving licence! yeah! although my hair looks retarded in the photo.haha.

on a not so bright side, i almost got charged again in camp. but all should be okay now so worries. it's just disturbing that i'm always inviting trouble to myself without me realising it, and always getting myself into hot soup. i'm not really a troublemaker, it's just that at times i just cannot be bothered with things. either that or i'm just plain unlucky. and i've just found out i might be in hot soup for another incident which is totally not of my fault, nevertheless at the back of my mind i feel abit uneasy. oh well.

and things are getting so mundane. every day in camp is just a dread. things are going at a snail's pace, and sunday feels like a tuesday, monday feels like a saturday. i've lost my sense of time, and everytime i feel very lethargic. coupled with the haze and the boredom of things. i'm totally having the 'whatever!' attitude right now.

been spending alot of time with iman in camp nowadays, he's like a very close buddy to me. in our conversations we have touched on alot of things, and we have agreed on a few things. and 1 things stands out.

the fact that we both find women, or girls, or whatever, to be very ridiculous in nature. or in malay, 'perempuan memang merepek!' really. i can quote specific examples, but as of now i'm already treading on dangerous paths. hence i shall keep them to myselves. but really. nowadays i find the behaviour, the attitude and the mindset of girls to be particularly disturbing. sometimes some girls are hypocrites themselves. and with the emotions and all, it doesn't really helps. one moment they can say they won't do 1 thing, the next moment you see them doing the exact same thing they said they would never do. they expect us to be forgiving when they themselves aren't. some even go back on their words, and never keep their promises. some just have this attitude that simply isn't ladylike. and guys are suppose to please such girls? please la, i think guys got better things to do.

as i say i'm referring to the general female generation as a whole. and i'm not sexist, or an egoist. or do i champion the notion that guys are superior to girls. i just feel that females can never think rationally and sensibly, what with all the emotions and their 'heart vs head' thing, and or their politicking and backbiting whatnot. which results in my phrase - 'perempuan memang merepek'.

which is really true. for all the childish and immature manners of guys nowadays, at least i believe most are level-headed and can think rationally and sensibly. we are not so emotionally unstable i guess.

oh well, like i said, it is just an opinion. so don't throw your kitchen sink at me girls.

as they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

work

so tomorrow the new batch of recruits will be enlisting. so another 2 months of doing the same thing all over again. on a lighter note, i've benn relieved of ALL my responsibilites and duties! haha. i used to hold several appointments in camp (which i don't see the need to mention) and furthermore, i've been relegated from the role of a platoon sergeant to section commander! haha! that's total relinquishing of my powers, position and responsibilities! but heck. it means i shall have a slightly easier time in camp. i think.

but the training schedule kinda sucks, since most of my saturdays will be spent in camp. can forget about celebrating hari raya too. anyways there's always a hari raya every year. and it is frankly becoming less and less meaningful for me. so heck. at least it's october now, so we are all gearing up for the year's end! there's alot of things to think about for now.

especially my future! whether i want to matriculate earlier, in may instead of in august. there's alot of things the future holds. frankly speaking, i really fear for my future. the market in singapore is getting so saturated. sham mentioned a friends whos got a degree with honours still finding a job, after 6 months of graduationg. with honours! kinda makes me think, how about me?

how will things pan out in the near future? all is so uncertain. that's why sometimes i like to bask in the past. at least it has already happened. but of the future? it's inevitable that one will have to think of it. and the dreams that everyone will have, will the ever be fulfilled?

like mine! i have dreams!

1) i want a BMW! by the age of 35 hopefully?haha

2) i want to go to Europe, and especially Moscow! to see all the relics from the communist era!

3) a class 4 licence! to drive a bus!

4) to be a professor! haha. i really want to go on tv and talk all those things about elections, political developments, you know like those talk shows on CNA! haha

5) a lasik surgery! to correct my poor lazy eyes. (is it possible?)

6) drop by ashburton grove and catch an arsenal match live!(i would have loved to visit the old highbury though...)

abit far-fetched some of them might sound, but i mean who doesn't have such dreams? but it's tough to actually achieve them. it's too unrealistic some of them, if you consider the current situations in singapore today. ah its a dog eat dog world i guess.

times are tough, and they won't get any easier.

oh well, happy fasting everyone!

peters

russell peters is coming to town! this coming weekend!

according to hadi. but i can't make it to see him! i'll be confined in camp this weekend! damn! i like him! fot those of you who don't know him, do yourself a favour and try and download his videos! his really funny. but anyway the cheapest tickets come at $87 anyway. that's quite expensive. but still, it's not like you get to see russell peters live everyday you know. sigh.

on and brighter note, today i met shahidah. the one long lost friend i've been trying to find for the past 10 years. finally after one freaking decade, i've finally seen her again. on children's day at that! essentially she still looks the same like in 1996. apparently so do i, to her, but i really beg to differ. i wonder if another 10 years, we'll still look 20?haha

yup so went over to the national library at bras basah , borrowed some books then walked around till we reach the library @ esplanade. i must clarify. it isn't like we love books, it's just that i would have loved to chat over coffee at starbucks. but its the fasting month! and in the hot afternoon sun, i didnt want to soak in the sun by the river. so library @ esplanade it was.

it's a nice feeling to actually catch up on people's lives, especially of those whom you haven't seen for quite a while. i don't know if a decade is quite a while, but ya there was alot of catching up to do. just sitting down and talk an reminisce. quite fun actually. shahidah never changed. from the posture, to the voice, to the looks. haha. it's remarkable, that fact.

oh yours truly is on duty tomorrow. great, just great.

anyways, to the stranger:

ah! now i now who you are. haha. yup i won't say the name. but its interesting that you read my blog? the other day you said my blog was boring! haha. but thanks anyway for tagging. see you around!

oh and you could probably leave yr blog link? thanks!


oh well.

happy children's day!

it's real funny how i can't remember by primary school song yet i can remember the children's day song. the song that in reality we sing only 6 times in our lifetime.

p sch friends

SHIT!

it's getting on my nerves.

the fact that i really can't remember ALOT of my primary school people.

it's really an obsession! the more i unravel,the more i find out about people that did exist yet i can't recall anything about them! it's extremely annoying. names are just tossed upon me,but somehow i can't put a face to it! it's as if they never existed at all,but the others know them so well.

damn! it's really annoying. ah how i wished my primary school had a yearbook then! it would have probably saved all my troubles and relieve me of my worries! i wonder why they couldn't do so then.

oh wells. at least i've found those who i really wanted to find. like i mentioned earlier, shahidah. wonder how she really looks like now. used to talk to her often back in primary and then suddenly she left school, and 10 years on shes found me through this very blog! and then there's nadhirah too. chatty and very jovial, i find her nice to talk nonsense with. haha. nice gal. and suhaila. just chatted with her just now. so who else can i find??

haha pardon my obsession with this. it's just it has been so long, and i'm really curious to know how everyone's getting along. it fun to see people suddenly change after so long not running into them. oh like emelind, this girl from my class in jc for the 1st 3 months. shes now like totally changed! from a quie,t aloof, plump and the bookworm type of gal, shes now changed to 1 hot thang! the transformation is so drastic! it's really unbelievable, the changes. is amazing.

i think i should try and start reading again. hisham's hooked on reading now, so i better follow suit. my command of english now is really disapproving. horrendous! but i can't find books that i like. i only like to read books by agatha christie, that also when she writes on hercule poirot. that's all. on and of course, sherlock holmes. what weird tastes i have, you might say. oh well, i only like to read such classic thriller or rather mystery novels.

why? because they emphasise on the thought process. i mean during the victorian age there wasn't like the use of DNA or any type of forensic science involved. so it's amazing to me how poirot and holmes can solve mysteries just by using the method of thought and logic. find me weird, but it's all fascinating. the da vinci code doesn't really capture my imagination anyway. and i've yet to read it though. but it's too thick for my liking.

to the beautiful stranger:

seriously, i wonder who you are. and i really thank you for the advice. i'm really normally unlike this, and it was really a sudden outburst of things. usually i can take it in my stride. now things are picking up again. but really, i wanna know who you are. i'm sure you know how it bugs me that i can't recall any of my primary school friends. and since we've apparently crossed paths b4, i would like to think i can remember you! and thanks for tagging! haha.

but really.

who are you, beautiful stranger?

licence

to stranger:

whoever you may be

yup, you're right. it was just an irrational outburst. oh well, just had to let go of all the things bottling up inside. actually there ain't not bottomless pit. thanks for your words anyway, though it would be nice if you could really identify yourself? i mean i'm seriously always open to constructive criticisms.

but really. life's now has become better. because of 3 main things.

1) i finally can drive LEGALLY! finally i've passed my class 3 traffic police test. n i can drive legally! haha hell yeah. after the last traffc polic test 1 and a half years ago (it is THAT long), finally i've passed it on the 2nd attempt. my circuit was perfect, save for that emergency brake. but my road was quite horrible. frankly speaking as i drove i wasn't sure if i was gonna pass, since the tester didn't even bother to tick my mistakes as i went along. only towards the end then he made notes on the checklist - and i PASSED! yeah! 16 points! quite alot actually,but heck - the main most important thing is that i've PASSED! haha. although the car won't come so soon though. dad won't buy 1, so i guess i'll have to wait out 15 years for that elusive BMW?haha. dream on balls! till then i can only drive people mad i guess.

2) my obsession with finding my primary school friends. progress has been a blast. found back shahidah, the one girl i've been trying to find since she transferred out at the end of primary 4. and that's like 10 years ago. that's a freaking decade, balls! and she found me! so elated! finally the search ends! and i've found nadhirah, a friend from all the way back in primary 1! whos face i can still recognise. haha. and a few others, whom i've found on friendster and the sort. wow it's quite amazing actually to see how people have grown up over the past 8 years or so. the changes for some are really drastic! haha,or rather for most of them. i wish i could meet more of them. and see if they can remember me.

the most irritating thing is that people remember me but not so vice versa. it so freaking pisses me off! haha. to think i was so low profile then. haha but the photos noriza supplied me have been very useful! thanks man for the pictures! and the help people have extended to me. it's all been really helpful. but i wanna find even more of them! haha.

3) well, i don't think i can mention this, though it really takes a huge burden of my shoulder! haha but is okay, i'll keep it to myself.

but so far things have been a blast. life's gone back to normal now. haha. ok so till then.

low

i'm at my lowest ebbs now.

i've had enough. one moment i can be happy, then the next moment things take a turn for the worst.

WHY?

i'm starting to lose confidence in myself. i'm starting to hate myself for what i am and for what i'm not.

fad's right. we are all nobody. unlike those who can fork out the money to get a place in the london imperial college, or who can drive a bmw 7 series to school, or have enough money to open a few bottles on a night out. fad's really right. at the end of the day, study so hard and get a degree, we'll still have competitors. even in school we are all struggling. what makes us think we can stand out?

especially me.

what do i have? or what don't i have?

i'm just a freaking 3rd sgt whos been charged before.
whos always getting fucked by my superiors.
who isn't well liked and popular among the recruits.
who will never get promoted.
who always cocks up his job.
who can't drive, not even ride a bike.
who doesn't know a thing abt IT and computers.
who can't sing.
who can't play soccer.
who can't swim.
who can't excel in sports.
who can't really talk.
who can't get along well with everyone.
who can never get the girls.

why? simply because i'm a LOSER, and a NOBODY. fad's right. no matter how hard we try, we will always lose out to other people who's always better in 1 way or another. what would the opposite see in us anyway?

or me at least. i can't even raise my own spirits up.

must it always happen to me? i wonder why. same shit, different day. and it always happens.

is it just me?

i just feel like fading away.

nothing i do is ever right.

you know what? i don't care.

if people wanna be selfish then i don't see why i shouldn't be selfish too.

why be nice when people don't even appreciate it at all?

you know what?

i give up.

i give up on myself and whatever hopes and dreams i have held all these while.

regular

this whole week i've been booking in and out of camp every single day. the total journey to and fro takes up to 4 hours, and sometimes i don't even spend even 2 hours in camp. so much of the time wasted is on unnecessary travelling. booking in and out in the uniform some more! like i'm some regular.

oh last weekend had dinner with azhari and hatta, the primary school friends! haha. but after that dinner i've got a new obsession - finding back as many old primary school friends as possible. challenging assignment! it's hard when 1) there wasn't any yearbook when i was in primary school, 2) i have poor memory! when azhari and hatta was blabbering off names like nobody's business i felt left out, 'cause i can't remember most of them! even later when rushdy came along and we talked even more i realised i really can't remember much. so the mission is to find back as many as i can! haha.

because two days ago in the train on the way to booking in i saw this very attractive girl. and i'm quite sure she's of my age and from my primary school. but i couldn't approach and enquire because 1) the train was packed, and 2) i was in my army uniform! but she was hot! haha. but it made me think, that i can't remember the name! you see, i'm more interested in finding those who were in my malay class, or any of the other malay people. because i cant still remember almost all of my classmates, but not those who sat in my malay class! and i want to get back in touch with them! but how? they're probably like so wild now, or totally changed in their looks. haha.

and i realised i miss STUDYING! weird as it seems. but yea! i miss those days when what i had to do was just study and study, not because i liked it so much but more of that's basically what i had to do! there wasn't like anything else for me to worry about, except getting good grades. then everydya would be spent jus chasing and racing for seats at woodlands library and the study the whole day away! haha. life was so simple back then. totally unlike what i've heard about university life.

fasting month next week! good time to repent! i've been a rebel this whole year. a menace.

busy

this week's been a blast so far. 2 days ago republic polytechnic students came by to the camp for a visit, and i had to speak as an emcee to them. haha i was actually very nervous, but heck! i just spoke whatever i had in mind and i think it turned out okay. after the whole thing me sham, iman and epind went to town to chill. and talk about life.

hisham and me come from totally different kinda lifestyles and backgrounds i guess, but we always talk. haha from never ever talking at all way back in school to now being good friends. but at least i've like a close group of friends in camp now, to just talk away the time whenver i'm bored haha.

mamboed last nite wth fad and yong! 1st time in like a month? missed the feeling. but the place was ultra-packed. those with a weak heart would have probably hyperventilated. it was so packed there wasn't space to move at all. but it was fun haha. i pity yong though, sorry man it turned out bad for you. sometimes you get lucky, other times you don't. oh well.

arrgh but its frustrating. i LOST my commie chain, the 1 clarissa gave me! ergggh! so frustrating! it snapped halfway last night and i could only retain the chain! was furiously searching the floor for the pendant but it was in vain! boo hoo. the chain was real nice but aiya, i guess i gotta go find a replacement for it then. so sad.

tomorrow got duty, saturday dinner with the primary school mates! haha i'm not attached but almost everyday there's always something to do with someone outside. i wonder why.

prada

ah so after like 5 days of not being in camp i'm booking in later. so not used to being in camp already.

oh yesterday dined at swensens at with clare tyan and jeremy. just a small dinner and then followed by catching the 12am movie at cineleisure. clare, jeremy and me caught 'the devil wears prada' . well personally the movie is worth the money spent, and it did highlight to me a few points. the whole movie is rally about choices in life, and how you want to live your life, and not what people think about how your life should be played out. and also how balancing work and your personal life is important, and at the end of the day, one must always believe in one's values of life. the movie actually taught me several lessons of life, although it might not have the same effect like the rest.

and clare bought me 'something that was so yusri' for my birthday. haha and i really thought it could have been something to do with adidas. haha but no, it turned out to be a pendant with a chain. the pendant bore that oh-so-fmaous hammer and sickle sign! haha its really nice man, thanks alot! might not cost much but the thought of it all...i like it very very much, it's quite cool!

that's like my 1st birthday gift for quite a while.in fact the last 1 was in 2003! haha not that i mind, since on your birthday you just turn a year older and that's all! i mean you just can't drop everything on your birthday and not work right? haha...but ok la, at least this year i wasn't studying or in camp or doing anything else.

gotta go ready for book in. BORING!

20

the young boy just turned twenty...

haha! wow quite a number of people wished me this year, i've no idea why! ok la maybe its because of the colleagues. but still...i don't get that much birthday wishes anyway. still thanks to all who've wished me! haha baba's msg was too early, 5 mins early in fact!

and everyone's asking how i celebrated my birthday. frankly, i don't. or rather i've never. i remeber last year the day was spent in camp and in training i had to run 7km. and then in 2004 i remember going to school and studying history with irma, because prelims were like just next week, and i had no choice.

was supposed to club yesterday, but the colleagues pulled out. they didn't feel like they would have fun, so they decided on just chilling out. haha i mean if i had told them it was my birthday we'd have probably ended up in phuture, but anyways sometimes i just like to indulge in the all-time favourite pastime of the malays - hanging around and chatting the day(or rather night away).

after i met sha i went to esplanade to meet up with yong,ismail and nas, can consider among the closest of the colleagues that i have. then we talked all the way till 3am, and i lernt so many shocking things from them regarding a certain issue. it totally throws new light upon the whole issue. damn shocking! haha. but i mean sometimes you just need to chill and sit down, and just catch up on each other's lives. and i got a free ride home on ismail's car! haha.

so i spent the whole day doing nothing. won yet another european championship on winning 11, and thn spent the whole afternoon just installing my new and free lcd flat screen 17' inch computer, and my all-in-1 canon pixma printer! and suddenly the whole system looks like it's gone through extreme makeover! hell yeah, my aim of revamping the whole system has been achieved! only left the speakers, but my speakers are like 8 years old and still in perfect working condition!

and idiot me, i thought all along my wireless keyboard was spoilt after a while. and today itested it out, its STILL IN PREFECT WORKING CONDITION! errgh meaning all this while i've been so foolish! so it seems like something new also has been added to the whole system! i don't know why, but i feel proud of this system! it's like super impressive personally, and it makes me feel good! it looks less messy with lesser wires, and lesser bulk too.

oh well,the day's passed peacefully. thanks to all who've wished me.

and i realised, almost everyday in september contains birthdays of people i know. yea we virgos rule!

appraisal

so my recruits have just passed out. another batch has ended. 1 more to go! haha. oh wells. i know i've not really been blogging the past month. it's just that firstly, i'm getting kinda lazy. secondly, there's nothing worth blogging about actually. so i'll just sum up what has happened so far.

last saturday i went to the comex straightaway after booking out. bought this photo all in 1 canon printer worth $179! haha i think i got myself quite a good bargain. but what to do with my current epson one, i don't know. but the canon pixma looks good. quite huge too, i had to lug it all the way home on a freaking trolley! and it came with cute speakers in the shape of 2 frogs, free! but i've yet to install it anyway, i'll probably do it the day after tomorrow.

oh and dad won this flat screen lcd computer monitor in a lucky draw! how cool is that eh? freaking cool lah! i mean its FREE! and it coincided with the purchase of the new printer. so basically, the upgrading of my cmputer system is virtually complete! ive changed my cpu, my printer, my mouse & keyboard(the keyboard got spoilt though), my screen! only left with the speakers, which ain't really important. oh and i got one of those bluetooth dongle, the ones that enables yr computer to be bluetooth enabled! it's quite cool know, so to those who haven't, GO GET ONE NOW! it's quite cheap, i got mine at only $12!

and i went with sha that same evening to the ucc at NUS to catch a malay contemporary dance performance. actually it was an interpretive dance lah. with scary effects here and there, but it was good overall. a valiant effort. i wonder how people can dance straight for over an hour. must have taken months and months of practice. my 1st time seeing an interpretive dance item, and it was quite an eye opener to me actually.

it hasn't been a good week for me in camp. the secret's out - im really the lowest rated commander in my company. apparently the recruits rate me very lowly. and the appraisal done by my recruits do seem to suggest so. i've been described as 'lazy','not spending enough time with the recruits' & 'slack'. my appraisal has been getting worse and worse ever since i came into this company. it's quite dampening to know that you do alot of behind-the-scences work yet people don't know how to appreciate it.

on a personal level, i admit i'm lazy. i know myself. but to say im lazy in my work? i think that's rather damning. nobody knows how much paperwork i have to do. the recruits always think i'm holing up in the office because i'm lazy and can't be bothered. they never know what happens behind the closed doors. the never know what appointments we hold, and never know the amount of workload we have. i have expectations and deadlines to meet, which the recruits will never know. they never know that i am among the busiest commanders in the company, and all they know is to rate me on the surface. they don't know me personally, and yet they expect things to happen from me when i'm so busy. can everyone please give me a break?

those who don't know me will know me as that stuck-up looking guy. because i don't like to talk to strangers and don't really mingle. i remember hasan telling me in jc, that he didn't really ike my face because i had a stuck-up face. its true. and the recruits seem to think so. they seem to think i'm a creature with no hear and with no feelings. which is totally not true. they don't know me. i don't treat recruits as my friends because they ARE recruits. this whole things is just another issue that just kinda makes me feel fucked up about myself. i know i got alot of things i'm weak at, but it isn't as if everyone's god damn perfect.

and i hate being faulted for things that isn't my fault. it has happened so many times, and i'm getting sick of it. things that aren't my fault becomes my business. i hate it alot. i hate it alot, really. i don't know what's wrong. it's okay if no one appreaciates what i do, but please when things go wrong, must it all come back to me? i swear one fine day i'll just flip. can everyone please just give me a break?

and today is the 6th of september. 7 years ago my beloved maternal grandpa passed away suddenly due to a sudden asthma attack. i remember the date because he passed away a day shy of my my 13th birthday. it caught all of us by surprise. i remember wailing so loud after i received the call from the relatives, since the whole family was out. when i think of him, i do regret never spending much time with him. he didn't know any english, but i know he loved his grandchildren alot. i wasn't his favourite, but i'm quite sure he loved me and my sister very much. when he was much younger, he had an obsession with motorcycles, i was told. had quite a few at any 1 time, including the classics like nortons and the sort. actually i miss being cuddled by him since he was the only one other than my mom to do so. i hope he's really resting in peace somewhere now, and i wish God grant him mercy and pardon him for any mistakes he's done if any.

long time

wow, i just realised i haven't updated this blog for almost a month. sorry for hiatus, was busy and lazy. anyway i haven't had much to talk about anyways.

just got home from town, an d finally i've found that elusive white belt i've been wanting! got it at $23 at topman wisma atria. finally, a belt that looks like it's worth the price! definitely looks better than that quiksilver one i had in mind. the guys really shopped just now, buying tees and pants. and i'm still finding a sock for my new handphone. my mobile's too small for most of the normal socks. oh well, at least i've got the belt!

haha and the guys want to make me go through a makeover. i must admit, when it comes to fashion, i'm totally an ass about it. i just have no sense of style or fashion. blame it on me not wanting to experiment with new concepts. actually it's more of me being oblivious and the 'i can't be bothered' mindset. start with my hair 1st, they say. i guess they're right. my hair really sucks and i've never bothered to do anything about it. i wear pants too high and that are long, shirts that are uncool and so on. haha but such makeovers need quite abit of investment. but it's ok. i just wanna look different come the time when i say hello to school again. different hairstyle, nice looking pants and tops, cool specs, and i'm thinking of slip-ons. but it might be abit too mat though. surely after these years i must change somehow. as oxymoron goes, change is constant.

went out to east coast the day after national day with the classmates. had a ball of a time i must say. haven't seen them since march. me,gq,tw,thomas,jeremy,fang and eunice cycled after lunchtime, then the girls left. clare joined after lunch and after that we went to kayak. haha jeremy wanted to kayak to the nearest ship n touch it and make a u-turn. of course we couldn't do so but other then that it was fun. just paddling around without any real direction in the sea. after that hang around by the beachside, followed by dinner at kenny rogers. and i got a real surprise when xingyi suddenly joined us for dinner.

other than that, the real sore point was the pathetic attendance. im not being sexist or what, but the girls are a troublesome lot. i don't see why they can't take time off just to come down when they are on holidays. it's not like we meet every week or even month. if the 5 of us guys can even take time off from our commitment to defending the motherland and come down, there's simply no excuse for the girls. and the excuses they give, some of them i just can't accept. excuses, excuses! and at the end of the day i get accused of something that i didn't even do! even xingyi came down for awhile!(a thousand points to her!)and shes working as an air stewardess you know, not even on hols like the girls! they are really a troublesome lot.

after the outing rushed home and changed and went to dbl o. after the outing everything just went wrong for me, and the day ended on a sour note. ah life sucks, and it seems to be getting more and more bleak. that's why i rather think back of the old times, bask the past glories and reminisce, rather then think about the uncertainty of the future.

and i'm still annoyed about the class girls. still so pissed about them.

pirate

ah i just got back from the royal plaza on scotts. my oc wanted to treat us because of his promotion to the rank of captain. i didn't eat that much anyway. oh and i caught the pirates of the caribbean before. it was such a long movie! and the end was abrupt, yet again! just like that french movie i caught. and the ending means that we've to catch the 3rd instalment, which apparently stars chow yun fatt as a pirate form singapore. if i got that right. but yea, singapore will be mentioned more significantly apparently.

went back to ajc on friday night for a drama that the mldss conjured up. went there with baba, and met up there with the rest. haha it feels weird going back to the old school. nothing's much has changed. but i saw alot of familiar faces, and even faces i never ever wanted to see again. and even though i never had a good grasp of my own mother tongue in the first place and never really understood the show(like everyone else!), it was a valiant effort. and i could see the actors were having fun. just like i was, back in school. everyday having fun in 1 way or another. made me kinda think back about school, about how happy-go-lucky i was, how i always liked to laze around and always on the look-out for that certain someone...those were the days man!

and now im known as the grinding boy. yeah thanks man. think everyones feels i'm obsessed with grinding. haha. well come to think about it, lester's right you know. after a night of clubbing, you really feel it is all a waste of time. which is true. that's how i feel. actually what's the purpose of it all anyway? for me it is an alternative avenue to let loose of myself. then you'll always go home with that wasted feeling somehow. either it's a waste of money, or you just didn't grind enough, or you didn't get that girl's number etc etc. it's all a waste in one way or another. but seriously, it's an avenue for me to let loose.

haha but i think i better start thinking of other ways to let loose. should pick up that bass and start jamming again.

mc

ah i got a mc for myself today today. that's like the fisrt mc for me in well over a year, the last time being june last year. but being the cock that i am, i actually thought so much about the mc until i forgot to take the medicine. luckily it was only panadol and flu medicine.

well it helps me to get a breather. i think the persistent headaches are caused by 1 thing - dangerously low levels of sleep. wow i really owe myself lots and lots of sleep. i need 2 sleep alot more because even now i feel lethargic. at least the saving grace is that the world cup is over! another 4 more years in south africa, by then i'll be in university, hopefully being able to continue into the 4th year. anyways italy won! haha i slept through the match, only waking up to catch the score being 1-0 to france, then sleeping again. and just nice i woke up to see both teams getting ready to take penalties. wow imagine how much inportant hours of sleep i would have missed out if i actually stayed up. but the azzuris looked more calm then the french when taking penalties. you could just see it in their faces. i mean even trezeguet looked nervous. you could tell he was always gonna miss. so congrats to italy. and zidane wins the best player award even though he got sent off! if you ask me, that's pure madness.

and a shoutout to yan wen - yeah! yr azzuris won in e end. i guess yr sppt finally paid off. i still remember when we were in sec4, in 2002, you actually hung a small italy flag on your bag and went around with it. open display of loyalty. still can't beat fairus though, who actually sew a huge turkey flag (it was huge, it's around twice the size our flag that we hang outside our blocks). or rather i think his mum helped him sew. jus a simple crescent and a start against a red cloth. and i can't believe he actually brought to school and showed it to us and paraded it around, draping it on his back. personally i thought it was stupid, but hey at least they got 3rd place the last time round. haha, i guess the world cup makes us do the stupidest of things.

oh went to irma's bro's wedding yesterday. when with liza(who's supposed to be my date, but i think in the end i hooked up w/ fazlin more), rahman and julia(or juliana, more appopriately) and rizal and noriza. it was crazy. haha it was fun la just going out for a while after so long. and then we were discussing among us, who would get hitched first. i guess we were all unanimous in the matter. haha i think in a few years' time i'll just be attending quite a few weddings of my friends. haha it will just be an interesting experience.

i wonder when mine will come. ah i think i'll get that bmw 1st. chey! talk is cheap.

headache

had a splitting headache the whole of yesterday night. and can you believe it, i fell asleep right after half time of yesterday's match. and missed all the 4 goals! dammit! errggh!so frustrating! and i can still feel some sort of a headache now. no idea why.

and i did something crazier last week. clubbed 2 nights in a row. 1st at zouk on wednesday night with my colleagues, then thursday night at MoS with hadi n liza. i think its crazy haha. burns a big hole in my pocket. and i think i won't go to MoS so soon. had a very bad impression of the place. oh and clare finally clubs! haha but she says she won't go again any time soon. damn! means my search for a female clubbing partner shall continue! haha. well at least if we wanna club next time we can hop on ismail's blue mitsubishi lancer! haha.

and my search for that elusive white belt is also eluding me. i've probably been to almost of the flash and splash shops, and the quiksilver and billabong shops. and the belts are so expensive! even a black belt from levi's is cheaper. is it worth buying a belt that is white on both sides so its reversible, when it costs $69.90? i seriously cannot accept the point of buying a belt that costs more expensive than all of my jeans. and i don't know why discounts don't apply to the belts. that just kinda sucks.

and this splitting headache is coming back. i can feel it. probably due to lack of sleep. and it's really irritating me. and i'm not really the kind of person that has prolonged headaches. this is really the 1st time ever. and i wonder why.

dos

am still sick. still coughing up phlegm, and the mucus is still dripping. damn.

anyway this morning i was at ubin. i kinda swore i would never ever set foot on that island that is the cousin of tekong, but i did. thanks to army. had this cohesion thingy organised by my camp, where we had to walk around the island and find checkpoints, something like an amzing race. well ubin didnt really feel 'ubin-ny', as what i saw on tv. well, maybe i didn' relaly have a look at the real ubin.

anyway dad's got a weird fascination with clocks. like me with alice bands. or rather girls who wear them. anyways, yes, he has a weird fascination for clocks. he's always like buying new clocks, and just keeps shifting the clocks around the house. funny. i think we got all kinds of clocks in the house before. i think we're only short of an atomic clock, that's all.

and woo hoo! ENGLAND and BRAZIL are OUT! hell yeah! my predictions were spot on! but the semis are gonna like so hard to predict. i guess all 4 teams will just fight tooth and nail to get to the final. i mean, it's not like everyday you play in a world cup final you know.

that's why i think the togolese players are damn stupid. willing to boycott a world cup game just because their FA couldn't pay them what they demanded? hallo, it's Togo you know, not some oil rich country like Saudi Arabia where even oil flows out of your taps.

money makes the world go round. money is the root of all evil. no money no talk.

must everything really concern money?

sick

ive just recovered from some mystery virus. i'm quite sure it's some sort of virus. because 1 by 1 my colleagues in camp is falling sick, and they all show somewhat similar mysterious symptoms. it was so weird. on thursday i was just lying in bed in camp and suddenly my nasal passage felt weird, my stomach churned like a grinder, and my head started to spin like a top. every now and then when i walked around, i just felt like sitting down.and yes, when i got home i really felt sick. i had a temperature then, so 100% confirmed - i was sick. but by friday i was ok.

managed to go out w/ hadi on friday afternoon. haha we caught scary movie 4 at cineleisure. all i can say is the movie is quite funny, because of the slapstick humour and the spoofs it contained. i was worried i wouldn't understand the movie because of the spoofs, but it was all right. but overall it was quite a forgettable movie, since you just laugh on the spot because of its slapstick nature. only 1 or 2 scenes were really really funny. carried on walking around, and somehow at night we just ended up clubbing at mos. in the smoove room. which was uber-packed, with guys. errgh. and the cage. it's so stupid. they should just remove it. 1 day another hillsborough disaster will jus occur i tell you.

watched the anugerah skrin finals? that's the first time i really watched the show. and guess what? the female winner was actually a former neighbour of mine. she's still living at same premises, it was my family that moved out. huda's same age as me, although i wasn't really close to her. but i remember during school holidays if i was bored i would go down to her house and play aorund with her siblings. and her i think. haha. but 1 thing about her that never changed is her voice. it's still the same. and the eyebrows? i dunno. didn't know she had the habit of playing with it.

oh and mum said something funny to me. she says akhmar, 1 of the female finalist in the show, actually used to help out her own mum sell minced meat at the marsiling wet market. probably she still does, i dunno. i think that's a real meteoric rise to stardom. mum's just always gotta tell me these kinda funny funny stories.

oh and holland qualified for the 2nd round! yeah! at least it gives me a longer time to put on that orange jersey of mine! haha. but they are up against portugal. that kinda sucks. but hopefully they'll coast through. but the world cup has been a phenomenal event. even in camp they've issued reminders, telling us not too be too engrossed in the world cup till we neglect our responsibilites. and my colleagues been betting and betting betting. suddenly everyone is just tuned in to the world cup. even mum.

but it's fun. every night the same things happen. we'll just quickly finish our work before the match starts, and all of us will just gather in 1 bunk and watch the match together. it's quite fun actually. i've never really watched a match with so many friends around me before. then we all can laugh or boo at the players together. it's real fun. but then none of us ever stays up awake all night and morning. haha. oh and i caught this on news. some major retail store said there was an 80% increase in the purchase of antennas. what funny news.

that said, how come channel 5 still dare advertise themselves as the official licenced broadcaster of the world cup? fuck they only screened the opening match and later on the semis onwards. tell me how official can that be if you only screen like 6 out of 64 matches. that's utterly pathetic.

grind

i did another crazy thing today. or rather yesterday through today.

yes yes, i'm turning very wild. many have commented as such. i'm being frank. i'm not really the same old yusri anymore. i'm not the old yusri that everyone used to know. i've changed somewhat. not much, but i'm admit i'm getting wilder and crazier. but everything has its limits. so as far as i'm concerned i feel i still ahve control over myself, that i can still think straight and sensibly. personally, i feel. don't know about you people. the change in me might just turn people away from me. i hope not though.

as i was saying, before i was rudely interrupted by myself, i did a very crazy thing. i clubbed at zouk yet again and booked into camp in the morning and sorted out my things in camp. i think that is simply crazy. me, is, fad, les, bryan, zhiwei, hadi, liz went to phuture for some hip-hop clubbing. uber-packed! i ended up being squeezed every now and then. but very fun. haha the guys really go wild when we go clubbing. but the fights occurred frequently. it always spoils the night. and i managed to dance with this girl for a while. very very sweet and pretty. a chinese girl that looked malay. but alas no introduction was made by me, since i hate to shout at the top of my voice just to talk to someone. furthermore i was crazy at that time. just anyhow screaming out the songs that the dj spinned. it probably made the girl have a bad impression of me, as if i was drunk. hell, i'm a teetotaller for the record.

at 3 plus we had supper at river valley. after that me and is caught the first train to pasir ris. but i just couldn't sleep. in fact its 2pm+ now and i've yet to sleep. now i don't feel tired at all. but last nite i swear i had a complete workout. my body was kinda drenched. wow i felt damn lethargic thne, but now still ok. went back to camp to clean my table and sort things out.

so basically i had no sleep the whole night. but i'm still ok. for now. i better get some sleep before i owe myself more sleeping debts. and tomorrow my recruits are going to enlist. 3 days after the previous batch passed out. damn it. can't watch much of the world cup then. what to do? life has to go on anyway. and i'm still thinking thinking of that girl that i danced with. errghh and i couldn't even ask for her name.

anyway this clubbing thing. one day it will just have to stop for good. les is right. it's actually a total waste of time, or rather, it's as if you didn't do anything the whole night. one fine day it will jus stop when i get tired of it all. i know it's wrong, but i find it an interesting way to distress. rather then smoking? or smoking sheesha? or even down yourself in alcohol. i fidn clubbing really allows you to let loose and really laugh around with your friends. i know most will find it wrong. as i've said, i know some might just look down on me. if my mum finds out she'll just be crushed.

i can't keep lying forever. someday this nonsense will jus have to stop. it is all really aimless and unbeneficial. and i don't want to see myself as a failed child. because i'm not and never will be.

the child

last weekend, or rather last saturday night, was spent watching a movie. FINALLY! broke my duck. haven't watched any since june 2005. pathetic. anyways i was supposed to catch paradise now, this story about palestinian suicide bombers. but the tickets got sold out so fast, we had settle for this french movie l'enfant (the child) at the cathay. well the cathay is still very deserted anyway. only 3 shops have started operations as far as i can remember. watched the movie eith fab,sarah and fazlin anyway. the movie had a particularly abrupt ending that i'm still bothered about.

anyway, yesterday i booked out late from camp. after camp met up with ismail, hang out at town for a while then i met up with hadi and liza. oh and shikin, and faaizah and syaza. back to the good old days man! it's like 7 years ( that's a damn long time to me) ago that we met for the first time as calssmates back in secondary school. and everyone's gone a long way since then. everyone's really changed man. it's just nice to just think about the funny things that we did and happened way back in those days gone by.

anways, here it comes, the great singapore sale! started it off by buying 3 agatha christie books from kinokuniya yesterday. 20% off storewide! better go get hold of those books you all really wanna to buy! i think i better take some off days to just go shopping! but now i'm still very very busy! it's been non-stop work for the past 2 months, and things are looking bleak anyway. so what a better to chase the stress away than to shop!

anyway yesterday i had a conversation with this stranger at kinokuniya, a malay man probably in his 40s. asked me for $2 for a ride home on the bus, i gave him only $1. apparently he thought i was a malay-chinese (which is probably the biggest joke shikin will ever hear of). but he went on to ask some questions:
the man: how come there's no malays here in the bookstore?
me: oh, no malays will ever come here actually.
the man: then what about you and me? aren't we malays?
me: i mean, very little malays will ever come here.
the man: see, that's why i didnt think you were a malay at first. because i thought here there were only the chinese and foreigners.
me: yea, there's alot of chinese around at this place.
the man: how come?
me: this is just not the place for malays to come. anyway many of them don't like to read i guess.

the conversation carried on to something else that i can't remember. told ismail later on and when we left kinokuniya and exited taka through the main door, and i saw soo many malays jus hanging around at the fountain area.

i mean, come on, no wonder we don't like to read! we always while the time away doing alot of nonsensical things that just to bring any benefits. me included. but i think there's always a line to draw.

some people are just too much. i'm talking to you, you slut.

cousin

ok so yesterday i went to my aunt's house to see the new cousin. the 1 that i didn't know i had. well the name's aiman. and he's still reddish. very cute though. i mean, aren't all babies cute? duh! so he's like 20 years my junior, so when he's happily serving the nation defending the motherland, i'll probably have kids of my own. haha.

so it was a small get-together. got to see my other cousins too. there's this 1 who's only 1 yr old, and she looks so chinese. but she's cute. at least she interacts. and smiles and gaggles when she's enjoying it. you know, some infants just have some sort of attitude problem, with that "don't even bother looking at me" look. like this other cousin i have. she's 2 years old by now, and yet i haven't seen her smile or talk. but apparently when none of us are around she's like any other child - the hyperactive sort.

oh. i didn't mention - the 3 cousins i just mentioned about, are all siblings. borne by the same aunt. plus 3 more siblings, who are slighytly grown up. and it all adds up to 6.

6??? to me its plain crazy. 6??? there's too many. 6 small young children in a household will just drive everyone mad. coupled with the financial issues. it's a tad too overboard. to me at least. oh well, at least now i have 11 cousins (i think) on the paternal side. the maternal side? heck, i can't even remember most of their names. some i don't even remember their faces. i can't put an exact figure to the number i have anyway. probably close to 20. i don't know. it's plain pathetic.

anyways managed to catch the fa cup final. first half at least. dad wouldn't hear of me staying around first to watch the match till the end. i thought pool were goners, but in the end they won. although the goals they conceded were kinda lame.

and today berita minggu came up with an article on clubbing. supposed to make me feel guilty? i just went to zouk on friday night, on vesak day. got scolded by my parents for coming home so very late. but didn't tell them where i went. that's madness. anyway i went with hadi n liz, and fadzry and his friends. was quite fun actually. they were playing hip hop and r&b. at least it's something i can identify with. that's why i had fun. real easy to let loose if you've got the right people around you.

but i'll probably have to curb my wild side anyway. just can't help it. i've changed abit, i admit. but some things still remain the same. i don't know. firstly i'm really on alot of pressure at work. sometimes i just want to scream out loud because work is really stressful. i need to let loose somehow. i'll go mad soon enough. i'm simply a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode.

anytime now.

ifc

ah. finally i'm back. had a stupid fieldcamp from last saturday till friday. got attacked like mad from the mosquitoes. stupid reclaimed land. by nightfall my face was disfigured beyond recognition. i was afraid my mum wouldn't recognise her only son when i got back. haha. but really, i don't remember ever getting attacked so badly before. my face had alot of bites from the mozzies. but now my skin itches like mad. my arms,hands and legs have small red marks that itch like mad. it's not heat rash, but its really irritating and itchy.

but throughout the seven days, i was quite tired. in fact i still am. although i did manage to make friends with the medic and the driver. i realised that shahril, the medic, had quite a few common things about us. haha. and darren, the driver, is really a very interesting guy. bascially i spent the day just talking cock to pass time with the two of them whenever i was bored.

so just now i was bored, so i decided to drop by fab's house to learn bass tabs. i hate to spend my saturday afternoons and evenings at home. that's the thing about my weekend. oh and i really hate my weekends burned in camp! haha. so i went all the way to bedok reservoir (i don't mind the distance, so long as i get to go out). played winning 11 first, and i got trashed 14-1 in 1 game! don;t ask me what happened, i'm completely clueless too! i took on barcelona, and fab took on manchester city. yet he managed to get fowler to score 13 goals (gasp!). haha i don't know how come the game was so one-sided. i'm baffled myself! then i watched sex is zero with fab. haha lame comedy, but quite funny. quite a number of sex scenes, but it wasn't really explicit. then after then we finally got to work with the guitars. though it didn't even last an hour.

i had an interesting conversation with mum just now, after i got back from camp. (obviously we didn't converse in english, let alone perfect written english)

mom: make yourself free this vesak day.
me: why?
mom: yr sis wants to go to aunt rita's house.
me: for what?
mom: she wants to see her newborn child, which we haven't gotten to see yet.
me: what? since when did she give birth????
mom: last month, around a month ago. its a boy.
me: so what's the name?

so mom told me the name. which i can't remember. haha. i'm so fucked up nowadays. but wait. i swear man i don't recall my aunt ever being pregnant AGAIN! its only like 3 months ago that i saw her, and i don't recall ever seeing her bloated stomach. and since when did she give birth??? how come i wasn't in the know??? damn it around a month ago i was mostly at home what! haha i'm really still surprised that i actually have a new baby boy cousin. whose name i can't remember.

i'm sop pathetic. totally man. fancy forgetting your new cousin's name. shit i really can't recall it. haha fucked up la yus.

principles

i think i've just betrayed my own principles. shame on me! and to think the topic is about what i wrote on my previous articles.

what is it i'm talking about?

well, let me put it this way. last monday i went to arab street to err try that sheesha thingy. i know i know, some people feel it's considered smoking, some don't. some feel its not very dangerous, some feel its worst than smoking a few packs of cigarettes. so what't the truth actually?

actually it's worst than smoking. the flavours that comes in the sheesha actually masks the tobacco smell. what makes it worst than smoking cigarettes is the fact that one can smoke sheesha for hours at one go. and furthermore its pure tobacco that's invovled, so there's no filter.

so why did i try? i also don't know. the thing is as it is well documented, i am against SMOKING. i hate cigarrettes. i hate the smell, and the fact that is is detrimental to your health. it can be addictive. but the main factor that dissuades me against smoking is that it is a pointless habit that wastes money. but why did i go and try out sheesha? the only reason is that firstly it isn't addictive, and it doesn't have that distinct tobacco smell. and also i'm not saying it's value for money, but it isn.t really as expensive as cigarettes. but that isn't the main reason actually. it's just that sheesha tastes more pleasant than cigarettes actually.

so much for my anti-smoking stance. i'll guess i won't touch that thing anymore. for the record. after i was done with the sheesha session, my throat felt very sore and 2 days later i developed flu. haha i think my body is just not used to such things. so i better stop such nonsense. before i go out of control and become even wilder (i am very sure i've become so much crazier and wilder since enlistment), i better but a stop to it. haha. ( oh please don't divulge this to my parents! very important!)

anyway yesterday i followed my sec sch military band to national stadium. 2006 syf central judging band competition! i followed the bus from school to the stadium. it kidna reminded me of my days. as i stepped down from the bus, i could feel it. flashback to 2002. me as the section leader of my section. the pressure! the fear! was termendous. you could really feel it. it was a pressure cooker of an atmosphere.

it's really pressurising. millions(ok maybe a few thousand) turned up to watch. i remember last time, when i was part of the band. all the months of practices that we had, but only 1 show to show for all the effort put in. THAT show on the day itself. it will show how good or how bad, how well prepared we all were.

but yesterday. my band couldn't really come up with the goods. they got gold, but not good enough to proceed to the next round. the aftermath of it all also made me think back. i saw crying faces of everyone. i remember. flashback again to 2002. the heartbreak. hearing the annoucement that wasn't music to my ears. i did cry, but only 1 tear flowed. then i forced myself to stop. i knew many others would cry. but the heartbreak, i could feel it. that feeling sucks. you know, when you put in so much effort into something, yet u know it's never going to be good enough, because there is always something or someone so much better than you. i hate that feeling.

after the band comp i met up with fab and jj to catch the north london derby. about that robbie keane goal, i must say it is a sucky goal to concede. i feel that the goal is legitimate, but i'm just sore that they had to concede the goal THAT way. what luck. at this rate we won't qualify for the champion league then. damn. i guess winning the champions league itself is the only way i guess.

anyway the weather recently has been sucky. really blistering hot afternoons. followed by torrential rains, then humid weather to follow. it sucks. it doesn't help with the mood. and next weekend there's a class pool and karaoke session! damn it i'm confined again. and theres a outing to jb on the 9th, a tuesday. have they gone mad? its a WEEKDAY. obviously none of the guys aren't free. haha i think everyone needs alot of rescheduling. i myself need to reschedule alot of my own things. sigh.

sian

this is probably the shortest entry ever.

nowadays i just feel like screaming and running away from this place.

i just want to run away from it all.

and just keep running away, and never turn back.

but i'll probably have to face up to it anyway.

ps

ok so tomorrow my recruits are enlisting. and it doesn't help that i'm a platoon sergeant now. it means more responsibilities. much more, actually. and i've been my name's been submitted for the gruelling platoon sergeant course. most likely i've to go back to those forests and train again. arrgh! life sucks. means i might just miss the champions league final, which hopefully arsenal will feature in and win it.

so last ssaturday had that chalet. actually it was 2 hotel rooms that were so small, it made our bunks back in tekong more comfortable. so squeezy! we ended up just stayig up the whole night through talknig nonsense, then i left in the morning around 6.30 am to go sleep at the southern most point of mainland asia. haha and everyone thought i just walked out on them. sorry, was just trying some peace and comfort. it was tiring entertaining nas, who was really drunk. or rather intoxicated. no i forgot the term. all i know he was just talking nonsense and a whole lot of bullshit the whole night. haha it's really funny when you see how someone's who drunk is like. they're really hilarious, making a complete fool out of themselves unknowingly. so i saw for myself was bacardi, smirnoff and chivas was.

they actually tried to get me to try smoking. my stand is always this - if i wanted to start smoking, i would have done it long ago. why wait till now? so i didn't. sutan practically got the rest to try it out abit, but i didn't. i'm simply not interested in smoking. why? it's like not beneficial to me anyway, and it's a waste of time anyway. even though he rolled one stick for me(they were smoking those diy cigarettes), i still declined.

so just now after a late lunch with ismail at bukit batok, i dropped by city chain, and got myself another watch! haha i mean it was on 50% discount, although the watch is an older model but i thought i got a deal for myself. an adidas(what else?) climacool watch costing me only $54.50! haha i think it's nice, althoguh i couldn't get the colour i wanted. but still, i've a new watch. so that makes it my 3rd purchase of watches within 10 months. is crazy!

and i think i might just get that new holland jersey. it looks very old school though, and the emblem is really very classic. retains an old charm about it. but still nice. i'm actually looking for an old soviet union adidas(what else?) jersey, that i saw someone wearing it in the mrt the other day. i thought it looked nice! 'cause that day i saw fairus wore the french version, and i checked it out, it costs around $59 only! but so far i've only managed to see only the french and the japanese version. errgh, the japanese one is really ugly, with the words 'NIPPON' scrawled behind. at least NEDERLAND would definitely look nicer. or DEUTSCHLAND.

so tomorrow all the things will start again. BORING! luckily i've a full establishment in my platoon, so i don't have to do much platoon duties. although tomorrow will be a very busy day. till then.

p.s. - i've finally changed my troublesome tagboard. do find time to fill it up yea! haha

ah

DAMN IT! i can't go to the bp gathering at east coast tomorrow! sorry guys, last minute changes man! i actually have a seperate gatheringat sentosa, which involves the permanent staff ogf my company. my superiors and officers will be there, and everyone is expected to arrive at 12 noon at harbourfront mrt! if not, will get punishment! i did think of going to east coast first thn go to sentosa then, but now looks like i'm faced with no choice. i mean, all my superiors are going, then there's a no show from yusri? it just can't happen. abit frustrating, 'cause i would have loved to go to east coast first. aargh, it's just too bad.

moving on, did you see THAT match? did you? if you didn't, wasted! arsenal vs juventus, that is! i booked in the night before 'cause i had duty the next day. watched the game with lyon in his bunk. haha he backed juventus to win, but after seeing non-existent displays from mutu, ibrahimovic and trezeguet it was a lost cause. when arsenal scored i practically screamed my head off in his face. at 3+ in the morning! what more, we were the only 2 pepole in the whole level. see? arsenal played such a wonderful passing game. the first goal was a beauty, fabregas basically PASSED the ball into the goal. did you see how buffon reacted? he DIDN'T! he just got rooted to the spot, probably in awe of how simple the goal he was about to concede seemed. right after the match ended i went to bathe and then reported for duty. didn't catch a wink the whole night!

the the morning after duty, i still managed to catch lyon vs milan. lyon was rooting for lyon(sounds weird doesn't it?) and me? same as him. but lyon disappointed me so much, i fell asleep towards the end of the match. BORING! me and lyon agreed if lyon made it through, he'd buy the jersey. same for me, if arsenal went through. though it looks more likely that i'll be the one buying.

yesterday night had a class birthday gathering. 30/03/2006, so as you can see there's a "30/03" in there, which was my class in jc. so ya, it's my class birthday apparently. might sound lame. so we celebrated it at swensens. was a small affair, only 8 people including me attended. so we left quite early, at around 10pm.

so tomorrow chalet at sentosa! though i'm abit sad i can't go east coast. haha i still can't understand why ALL the gatherings must happen during this period. within this 1 week period alone i have 4 different gatherings. FOUR! is no joke! i doubt anyone has like 4 gatherings within the space of a week. is crazy!

anyway till then.

p.s. - i'm terribly short on sleep man!

406

yesterday my secondary school class, class 406 of 2002 had a small reunion. after 3 years in the wilderness, finally someone mooted the idea of having a class outing out of the blue. took me quite by surprise, since i never really kept in touch with most of them. heck but it was still quite a good thing. was quite fun actually.

although the sad thing was only 16 people turned up (12 guys n 4 gals!) well anyhoots, it was still great fun. finally i met again my classmates whom i haven't seen for 3 years...what a long time ago that was! there was me, fairus, hadi, ernest, tiong huang, roger, yiep soon, qihui, ben shih, jia da(or jd), you wei, heting. amanda, meiqi, yanwen and carine. wasted terrence couldn't be contacted. (i'll tell you guys about terrence some time in the future, and why he's so famous in my school) we dined at seoul garden at marina square. is no joke i tell you, per head we paid $26! that's so expensive! and they still dare to put up the sign "$5 will be charged for every 100gm of food wasted" huh? wow...blood-suckers man these people..but it's not like you get to meet up with them everyday right? haha..so i did have fun eating out.

you know somethings never change. 3 years have passed, but i realise some things will never change. the guys might have changed physically. qihui is as tall as me now, or even taller! jia da looks more massive, but not as tall as he used to be last time. i remember last time i had to crane my neck just to talk to him. haha. everyone's hairstyle kinda changed, save for yiep soon. but character-wise, more or less the same. fairus was still the same, so was ernest and qihui, still as playful as ever. kinda brings back the memories you know. secondary school days were fun times. sometimes i think about it and i can just laugh. we did alot of crazy things every single day.

after dinner we went up the esplanade roof. my first reaction was "err, are we in like some mini-malaysia or something?" holy lord, the place was awash with mats n minahs! uurrggh. irritating and simply annoying. i sat on the ledge that overlooked the ground floor, and meiqi kept pleading with me to get off the ledge. i was like, "it's not like i'm standing on the ledge or something!" so paranoid she was. but in the end we all settled for a corner somewhere on the roof. and we wasted the night away just talking, joking and fooling around. sometimes you just wanna laze around and talk, especially with friends you haven't seen in a long time. it's nice to laugh about the silly things that we all used to do in the past. it's actually just like yesterday that i was still in bp. bp was a fun place to be in. i doubt bp is fun anymore now.

so we did manage to take quite a few pictures. there's one shot of me about to pee in the urinal! haha. think i'll upload some on my photopages. won't have alot, since i don't have any cameras and i steal all from hadi and yan wen's photos! haha.

well next week theres 3 gatherings i'm having! is crazy! muy loco! there's a small class gathering on thursday night (weird day ain't it?) which i might go, and there is another gathering among my malay bp friends at east cost on saturday, then there's a chalet organised by my company for the perm staff. i have to be present since my colleagues and my superiors will be there, and it will be on saturday through to sunday. it's madness! coupled with a badminton game on tuesday, then the following day i hav e duty back in camp. is total madness! so hectic!

but i'm enjoying my rest period now. but it seems i'm having much of a rest, since the week is packed. and i feel lethargic nowadays, due to lack of sleep. oh and i watched csi on my pc yesterday, or rather this morning, after i got home from my class outing. cool man the show! one of the csi guys got kidnapped this time round. and the show was 1 and a half hours long, so it would probably be screened as two episodes or a 2 hour special on tv. but it was very good. to know 1 or your own being kidnapped, there was an added motivation to find him.

csi should be voted the best tv serial ever i guess. it's just so damn good.

now

nothing much happened over the weekend, surprisingly. for the 1st time in years i was home on a saturday night. nowadays i'm quite free since i've no recruits in camp, but no one else is free. so in the i always spend much of time at home.

though yesterday afternoon naim called me out for lunch with zuraimi and nura at pizza hut causeway point. dear old cousin just got a break from thailand and is back here for 1 week. (actually he's not my cousin, even if he is he's probably my 3rd cousin. ah confusing as it sounds, i'll throw some light on to it the next time i blog) so we spent around an hour just chatting over lunch. finally i could get to meet him. i haven't seen him since god knows when. probably the last time was the a level results day. that's like more the a YEAR ago. wow, it's that long.

and finally after twice bringing holland to the finals of the international cup and ending up as losers, on the third attempt i made it to the final, i won it! yeah! beat brazil along the way too, 2-1 in normal time! impressive achievement ok! haha. i'm talking about pro evolition soccer 4, the game khamsya installed for me when he fixed up my computer. or better known as winning eleven 8. i's the same actually. yeah finally i won something with hollland! haha. spent like 1 and half hours to win that trophy! i want to go and get that championship manager 5 or fottball manager 5, because i prefer to manage teams than actually playing the game on computer. and playing the game on the computer seriously hurts my fingers. but it's not like i have a ps2 or something.

anyways tomorrow naim's flying off to thailand again. most likely i'll take time off to send him off. probably i'll pillion ramli or something. changi airport's so far! he checking in at 11 am, meaning what, i've to get up by 7am? that's madness. okay i think i'll wanna try bring holland to the finals again later. why holland? cause i'm supporting them for the world cup this june. which by the way i hope to catch it even though i'll be in camp.

party

it was party time! haha so i went to eunice's birthday party. but it was those kinda close-knit parties, not your wild kind. a party by the poolside actually. so at least it was nice to meet up with the classmates that i haven't seen for quite a while. and eunice looked kinda different from the last time we saw her. and the birthday cake!

the birthday cake! i thought my hello kitty cake that they bought for me, jerome and fab in 2004 was the ultimate. haha. anyway it was a barbie doll cake. basically its just this - imagine a pink cake that looks like a hill, then you plonk a real barbie doll (i mean an actual barbie doll) in to it, so the pink base becomes the flowing skirt for the doll. got that? so what we were eating was her skirt (to put it crudely). but i must say the cake wasn't that nice frankly, because it had sour berries in it. to top it all off, pink-coloured cream is simply disgusting. i hate pink. sorry eunice!

so on sunday i went out with sutan, nas, iman and sheikh to the IT show at suntec city. ran into sam,cs,darren and fadzry on the way. so weird. anyway as expected it was packed to the max there. i thought of getting those coloured earpieces for my creative player, but to wait in a queue that was at least 40m long just to buy a earpiece - you do the thought processing. so sutan bought that 30gb ipod mini is it? that video player worth $495. i think it was quite cheap. after that we walked over to bugis village and bugis junction.

and guess where i went last nite. to ZOUK! or rather phuture. (shhh kindly please not divulge this to my parents or you'll catch me next at the slaughterhouse!) hadi just got crazy idea to ask me out at night to go clubbing. actually we were supposed to head to Ministry of Sound, but decided to join lizzy and her friends at zouk. wow what an experience it was!

it was ladies' night and also retro night. i must confess the music played was mostly boring, firstly because i never really had a taste for retro songs, secondly i didnt know most of them. but heck. we reached there at 10 plus. so by 1130 the dance hall started to get packed. although the music wasn't really groovy or any of that sort that sort, but i kinda enjoyed jus shaking my body to the tune. no grinding around though haha. around 1230 or so the music kinda picked u. suddenly they played ghostbusters, it's my life by bon jovi, sweet child of mine by guns n roses, even rock dj by robbie williams (since when he's retro? but heck it was a good choice anyway).

but still me hadi and lizzy still concluded - retro night is just not for us. we should really go on thursday nites, where its hip hop n r&b night. where all the mats and minahs would come down and club. but i msut say it was quite an interesting experience clubbing last night. quite a number of eye candies too. although the clubbing was cut short, since hadi's dad kept calling. actually my mum was also calling me. so at around 1.15 am we left. so much for wanting to reach home latest by 3am. haha. but it was fun!

i wont go so soon again though. i think. it's too expensive. unless they have guy's nite. and the probability that happens is virtually zilch. see how. must go on thursday nights! and we need the GIRRRLLLSSSS! haha.( don't go telling on me ok!) haha. till then.

shit

so my recruits passed out last last tuesday. so it marks the end of my 1st ever batch that i had undertaken. i'm still quite a greenhorn in quite alot of things, so i better buck up. and i'm planning to get a tv for the new office, as part of the reorganising of the office area. i actually thought about repainting the walls, because the shade of blue made the whole place look small and cramped. but the thought of just bringing in the paint and wasting so much time painting - forget it. all it needs is a rearrangement of the tables and abit of spring cleaning. alot of spring cleaning, actually.

so i woke up at 3.30am on wednesday morning to catch the barcelona-chelsea match in my office. the first half produced no goals and it was so boring. i fell asleep during the second half, only to wake just in time to catch lampard score a penalty that was unfairly and undeservedly awarded. damn! i missed ronaldinho's goal then!and the that whole morning later on i had diarrhoea.

i probably got food poisoning or something like that. that whole morning, i went to shit at least 5 times. and it wasn't even semi-solid or what, it was completely liquid in nature(sorry, i just hadf to talk about it here) simply disgusting. every half and hour or so my ass would just give way. and my bowels were liquid, and had the distinct colour similar to the winter melon drink(i'm serious!) simply disgusting. the whole morning i jus lay in bed up in the bunk groaning. i couldn't catch any sleep because the sensation kept coming and going. simply annoying.

i only managed to book out during lunchtime. my body was really weak by then. i still managed to go out in the afternoon though, but by nighttime i had fever. it was quite high. from diarrhoea to fever. that's just great. in fact even now i'm still not completely recovered from the fever. i feel better now but not 100% yet.

just now, for the 1st time ever, i ate at bedok corner. probablyknown to others as simpang bedok. i dunno. wes drove us there for lunch. i only had mee soto because i didn't have the appetite to eat solid food(the effects of diarrhoea+fever). bedok corner probably ranks among those famous hawker centres in singapore, like maxwel rd, adam rd, newton circus, lau pa sat and the lot. i might sound like a loser by admitting this - that i haven't been to ANY of these hawker centres before.

why? two reasons - 1) my family don't eat out often, 2) such places are so out of the way. get what i mean? i mean one goes out to walk around, and around such hawkers centres there's nowhere to to walk around after u've eaten. which is true. i don't even pass by any of such places on my way to where i want to go. theres no shopping centres near any of these hawker centres. unless you're a hardcore food taster or u have a car, it's really hard to patronise such places.

so saturday is eunice's birthday party. its supposed to start at 6pm. but the weird thing is that it has an end timing. 10pm. its so weird. i mean it's not wrong or anything, but it's just weird. i mean, i thought parties would just go on till everyone feel they've had enough. and the place is rather far flung, out of the way. its somewhere at the end of tanjong katong road. no buses reach there directly. i must figure out how to get there. it's quite tricky actually. oh well. till next time.

new

so as you all can see for yourselves, i've done up the blog once again. actually it's still quite plain. but i think it's nice enough for my own eyes, don't know about you all though. i thought it would be nice to change things round a little, because it all gets too drab. i try to do things simple, especially when i'm never a mr. know-how. and when dealing with html configuration, i only know as much as i do know of how to build a rocket.

so my recruits are passing out in 2 days' time. after that it's the lull period, but i still have things to sort out. alot of things will be happening i guess.so far so good for my first batch. and i still have quite a number to go. nad last friday they had their 24km graduation route march. i must say i'm still very tired from that. it was a very harsh route

yesterday i went out with jj and fab. disastrous, to say the least. because it was an ill-prepared outing. so everything we did was rather unplanned and haphazard. but at least we did catch the first half of the fulham-arsenal game at chjimes. finally we see the return of the old arsenal that were once tagged as the invincibles.

you know why i like arsenal so much? it's because they have this ability to just stroke around the ball with so much flair, and at the end of it all one palyer will just have to pass the ball into the goal. there's so much ease in the way they play, and it was so easy for them to take apart all kinds of defences. in one sweeping move a defence will be ripped apart, and the goals will start coming. everything they did seemed so effortless. and for the record, emmanuel adebayor is probably the ugliest soccer player today, second only to luke chadwick i think.

correction, i think i should use the word 'fugliest'.

pay day is next friday, and i'm still thinking of what i really need to buy. i simply must get myself something. maybe that arsenal jersey. i can't resist the temptation. soon i shall buy it. and a digital camera? but that's too much. way out of my price range. maybe later in the year, but not now.

anybody knows where i can get cheap game cds? i'm getting bored at home man...i need the new cm5! anyone knows any lobangs?