Happy Father's Day

Yesterday was another day of our many firsts without Rob. It was hard because I knew he would have been with us this Father's Day, just back from the deployment. It was also hard because my 2 little girls didn't have a daddy here to wish him a Happy Father's Day. However, since Julia is so young, I really don't think she even realized what yesterday was. I didn't bring it up and she was having fun playing with her cousins. We got together at my Aunt and Uncle's house for a BBQ. We were surrounded by family and friends and I can honestly say we got through the day easier than I had imagined. My brothers and my dad have stepped up to the plate as "Pseudo Dads" and they're doing a wonderful job! The girls adore their uncles and grandpa and I know this new role for them will prove crucial during the many years ahead (especially when it's time for them to start dating--yikes!!!). I'm so blessed to have such wonderful, caring men in my life who can honestly say they love my children like their own. I know I've said this many times before, but Rob was an AMAZING father! I was so blessed to have him be the father of my children. He truly loved spending time with them, wrestling, playing soccer, taking them out on the boat. It's sad that Eva did not get the opportunity to see what a truly wonderful father she had but I know she will never have a doubt because Julia was blessed with so many wonderful memories and will share these with her sister. Rob loved his little girls with all his heart and would have done absolutely anything for them. For being such a "manly man", his little girls had themselves wrapped around his finger and he had no problems showing anyone just how much he loved them. I'll never forget 2 years ago for Julia's birthday she got fingernail polish. The next morning I woke up to Julia painting daddy's fingernails pink and purple! He was sitting there patiently soaking up the daddy/julia time. I just had to get a picture of his beautiful nails. Being the good sport he was, he allowed me to do this with one condition: "At least let me hold a beer in my hand!" lol I'll never forget the day Eva was born. I was in the recovery room, and I looked over to where Rob was sitting and he was holding Eva, so tiny wrapped in her little blanket, and he was looking down at her. The love that showed in his eyes was one I will never forget. The other day I was going to chart Eva's 15 month appt in her baby book. When I opened up the book, the page I fell upon, was the one where he had written her a letter the day he deployed. It broke my heart to read, but I will forever be grateful for that letter. I could go on and on about all the wonderful things Rob did. My girls will always know the kind of father they had. He lives on through them and I feel joy when I look into my girls' eyes and see a part of their father in them.

We finally have a chopper!

Well, my 16 month old FINALLY got her first tooth last week!  Julia was a late teether too but not this long.  Poor thing.  She's coughing, drooling, running nose, and diaper rash.  But, hopefully as it was with Julia, her teeth will pop up like popcorn and we can get this all over with quickly!  She's still such a sweet baby.  But ORNERY!  One day, in about a 5 min timeframe, she threw a pair of my tennis shoes in the bathtub full of water, unrolled a roll of toilet paper, and flushed the toilet about 10 times.  Oh, that little one keeps me busy.  I'm grateful for the distraction though.  It's going to be a long summer....Julia's already bored! lol  But, I'm trying to plan lots of trips and activities to keep her busy.  We're flying out to Ohio to spend time with my friend, Karen, and her kids for a week in June.  It's something that I will really need since it will be close to the time Rob was supposed to return.  I'm starting to have more of a social life which has been really nice for me.  As much as I love my children, I need to feel like I'm more than just a mom.  Again, my family has been wonderful and watching the girls so I can do this.  It's hard for me to make friends here since I'm used to the "forced" meetings in the military community, but slowly and surely, I'm making them.  At times I feel guilty for going out, but my family and friends have reassured me that it's just as good for the girls to get away every once in awhile with family as it is for me to.  Besides that, nothing else has really gone on except the same old, same old.  Routine is good. :)

The rollercoaster continues....

Six months ago today I had to let the love of my life go.  It seems like an eternity ago but I can still feel him so close to me.  I admit, most days are getting easier.  However, as the end of the deployment approaches, the more reality is setting in.  Before, I was able to trick my mind into thinking he was deployed.  But when the soldiers get off the bus and greet their families, mine won't be there.  I won't receive that hug.  Julia won't get to wrestle with daddy and Eva won't get to know the man that held her tiny body before he got on that bus to take him to the airport.  It's so bittersweet.  I'm very relieved the guys came home safe and are now able to reunite with their families.  But, my soldier didn't.  The only thing we have left are memories and the knowing that one day we will have our reunion.  There are so many new firsts that are facing the girls and I.  Some are empowering but most are scary.  I know Rob is walking beside us and guiding our way, I just wish he was physically here doing it.  The more I move forward, the more it feels like I'm letting go.  But, no matter what, Rob will always own a very special part of my heart.  I can see him through our children and feel so blessed every single day that he gave them to me.  Julia has his looks and Eva has his personality.   Pictures are so critical for Julia's memories and Eva's recognition of who her father was.  But pictures just don't do Rob justice.  He had a presence that filled a room.   He was a stern yet respected leader to his soldiers and a kind and loving father to his children.  One of my friends had a quote that I absolutely love: "Some heroes wear capes.  Mine wore combat boots."  Rob, you are my hero.  I love you so much and everything I do, I do so I can see you again in Heaven.