lesbianism;
this was something familiar to me when i was in secondary school. It was kinda 'in' thing among our group of friends at that time. Cause everyday my friends and I would be sitting in the canteen gossiping about them.
I dunno why I didnt turn croaked then. Almost did though.
HAHA I think I'm too stright to be one lah, my thought is be les must be the hard core lesbian. those super style one which I think I CMI. Don't be neither here nor there kind.
anyway, I think I am not attractive enough to guys let alone girls!
and I finally came to understand why are lesbians so attractive already.
which I never really give a deep thought on this issue previously.
hahahah.

such a random post.I know
:)
wahahhahas
siao.

------------

I'm feeling bored with everything now. But still passionate with the things I love to do. I am tired of making new friends and apparently most of the friends I knew are just an acquaintance. very superficial relationships. Only few are the really nice ones to me. and I greatly appreciate their presence and the good times we had. I really really do cherish them to the extend that I have a lot of unexpressed expectations for them and get disappointed at times. That's why I begin to reserve to myself and express to the ones who are really willing to listen to my nonsenses. I am definitely very lame to the ones I am comfortable with. Not every friends you know share the same frequency and it is even harder to find such. That's why I do treasure them.

To my good friends, u know I love all of u. But, get very untactful and that stupid hormones of mine is always giving me moodswings. quite a bitch.
I also cannot take it myself.
APOLOGIES.

I think I have a lot to say on this very last day of 2008. HAHA
I blogged to entertain myself and not let my thoughts be forgotten tmr.
I'm quite an emo girl. Please pardon me.

31 DECEMBER 2008.

It yet another 31st December. I'm excited yet feeling paranoid.
Every year this day, i feel this sucky way.
I am damn weird.

It's half day at work today! YEA, perhaps it's the holiday that make me happy and I am going sentosa. Not for celebration but just merely have fun and suntanning to cover the ugly fugly tann I had after so many years of wearing singlets to rowing and some volleyball games with ah kok way.
Speaking of rowing, I feel so... gay.
eh really BTH myself.

I am so fare up with myself,
TMD

'when was the last time you took a bus without a destination in mind, purely enjoying the journey?' - chanced upon this phrase when i randomly visited other people's blog
It reminded me that i used to enjoy the random bus rides with my radio FM i had when i was younger; probably my seconary school days. But somehow, this kind of feeling faded away as i grew older.

Bye 2008.
Hello 2009.

i dont know what to blog.
too much to say yet too lazy to express it out

i want to go blading!!

it's useless to bother with too much things.
just let it be.
though i am kinda disappointed..
sometimes what you give is not what you get.
why am i asking so much?

No major next sem. this is so sh**
2 words to say: FU** UP
arg whatever.

TGIF!!

ALAMAKS, why they locked the access to facebook again?
Guess the user rate for facebook a/c is high in the office. Nobody
has the mood for work in the month of December. Envious of those people who are going on a holiday.I don't really know when is my turn to go to my dream destination

Upcoming event!
1. social night - (Ain't sure of the dress code yet)
2. xmas xchange

Love the month of December to the MAX.
It's my self-declared holiday month where I could get back the energy and be prepared
for another challenging year.

42.195KM CHECKED! I will never join another marathon again unless I am very well prepared for it.
Half marathon maybe.
I'm still happy to say, I've completed it.





should I go ahead? I have no idea.
This is because this feeling hasn't go away.
I still love rowing.



GOODBYE SEM 2
3 more to go.
JIA YOU!
MARKETING OR FINANCE?
still deciding...

why people don't cherish what they have and realize how lucky they are actually?
This society is already making life quite f***** up.

i am gloomy. The skies are turning black again.
People are partying on wed.

it's been some time since i really enjoy mambo-ing with really nice music.
where 'd u go?
i miss u so.

Last night, i finally went to have Gelare waffle with ice-cream last night with wee.
not just that, we had din tai feng for dinner as well. Christmas is coming! =)

Once again, marathon is this sunday.
Mentally prepared but not so sure about my physical. I liked the experience though and maybe that is the only time i push myself to the MAX.

Results will be out tmr.
No disappointment i hope.
I'm too afraid to feel afraid.
Numbed.

SO STONED. I NEED TO SLEEP.

FINALE TO 2008

Before i even realized, 2008 is finally coming to an end.
It was'nt an easy year for me, i would say. Too many things had happened within this year. A pretty emotional and hectic year for me with regards to school, work, social relationships, family relationships and all other ad-hoc activities.

What's really important at the end of the day is that we learn from the past mistakes and move on.

seems like getting along with people require more and more skills.
it never seem this difficult when i was younger
pleasing everybody is impossible

maybe im just not talented.
maybe i was never tactful to ppl ard me
yes, i know i cant be quite blunt with words
now i know why they say silent is golden

i'm sucha loyal fan of starbucks and one day i'm gonna steal their mug
:D

maybe this is just my fate.

sometimes taking risk might not be a good choice.
just like how i regretted cutting my fringe.
but again, instead of feeling upset.
i am self consoling that it will grow long in no time.
meanwhile i shall just lock myself up and wait for it to grow.

but i still want to complain. that this haircut cost me $38.

should i not be holding on to something that no longer belongs to me.

The Bottom Line

You need to slow down, today. Take a walk, put things in perspective, and get real.
In Detail

Do you think you're in need of some inspiration in your job or schoolwork? If your brain just doesn't seem to be able to concentrate on one thing for more than five minutes, you don't need inspiration -- you need a vacation. You need to slow down. You need to take a walk, put things into perspective, and get a reality check about your place in the world. Trying so hard to keep busy could be a coping device -- are you trying to avoid dealing with something? Face up to it and move on.


Today's horoscope is kinda accurate for me.

getting tired with the kind of stressful lifestyle here
or did i bring these upon myself?
i'm really unhappy.
i dont even find myself smiling anymore
=(

Today, all the staff received a Creative Zen MP4 from my company. I'm glad, because this is what i needed badly.

i felt the change in u.
how can i hold you back when all u want is to fly away?

i pretended to be strong when im actually not.
and
i've lost my emotion support.
got nobody to turn to.

nobody knows what i'm going thru.
dont take me for granted pls.
i'm only human.

my office telephone is becoming like a 1800 HOTLINE!
i've been listening to TP's rantings 2 days consecutively.
They were literally complaining like there's no tomorrow with regards to their PT.

I have no choice but to say things like 'I understand your situation Sir'.
As if showing my deepest empathy to the miseries that they are going through.
To my surprise, this lady caller felt better after all the complaining and even thanked me for attention knowing that i cant offer any solution to her problems.
LOL
This is funny.

This reminded me of the 'Cathartic effect' which i learnt from last night lesson.
It simply mean, 'After a worker has complained, the cause of the complaint often appeared to have gone away even though no change in conditions had occurred'.

I have a bad feeling, there are more nightmares to come.

up till this stage in life
i still couldn't find my goal.

so stagnant

arg.
in fact i felt lost than ever before

i really should start pampering
even if nobody wanna love me
i can still find love myself
i wanna love myself moreeeeeeeeeeeee from now onwards

easily taken for granted?
for being kind?
haha. hais.
dunno why i feel this way.
seems like nobody really bother abt u when u really need them.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

i'm glad that i'm beginning to find myself back;
the positive side of me.

socializing with different people has definitely enlighten me, widen my horizon, changes my perspectives, doing more explorations.

my emotions are numb.
i still love my friends though
:D

i discovered the health benefits of drinking green tea.
it gives a smoother complexion, weight loss, prevent cancers etc.
and i gonna try drinking it daily and see if it's true.

i'm kinda bored and i need some fun!
work can make me a sad girl sometimes.
being yelled by 'caller' was emotionally tough for me.
i know, everything is fucked up. i understand, from ur perspective
sometimes i hate the tnemnrevog too. like what that caller has said '$$ sucker'!
i agreeed totally. but wat to do? u wan to see fireworks rite? need $$ wad.

eh, i needa exercise so badly.
HELPS!

and i wanna apologise to ppl whom i've vented my anger on.
guess i haven been controlling it.
too emotional is bad

its a blessing in disguise whereby i shift my focus on other things and not be troubled by other things.

i can do a lot of things that i wanna do.
i can go out with anybody and not feel the guilt.
i have more time for my friends whom i had neglected
i can play play play and enjoy the time of my life

feeling so careless and free.

But i'm still darn busy with work and sch.

after the last few weeks of ultimate fun with my BFFs (LOL)
now this week, is fucking stress to me.
i cant settle my mood down for serious work.
Project dateline and test is so closed together
and i've got no more leave to take alrdy.

ok. I shall stop complaining

hmmmmm, i wan to go play!!
beach volleyball, wakeboarding, tennis, basketball, badminton, in-line skating
anybody jio meeeeee?
heehee.

oh, i've signed up for MARATHON RUN.
SEE YOU THERE if u have done so!
we can all die together.
lol.

the happiest moment was when we were a child.
and so it mean people who are childish live life happier!

The Bottom Line

Sharing your dreams with other people might not be wise -- no one is interested.
In Detail

Sharing your dreams with other people might seem like a good way to figure out the puzzling images you saw, but you have to watch your audience carefully. Are they really interested in what you have to say? It's better to let these odd visions just stew around in your head than to bore friends with the symbolism of your inner mind. This is not a good time to talk too much about yourself -- what is important to you is not always important to the people you're talking to.

and yea, I REALISED that.
HAHA.

yesterday was yesterday
i live for today and tomorrow
i will seek for that little improvement in myself everyday.
i will enjoy the time of my life

MONDAY BLUES NOT.
=)
CHEERS

The registration for SC marathon starts tomorrow!
yea, I'm gonna sign up.
It's all about completing the race.
I won't deny the fact that I felt like dying during the run, but it is the post run satisfaction that keeps me going!
=p

zouked last night. It's been quite some time since I've been there. Simply enjoyed it. Great company and good music.
=)
im sure there's more to come buddies?

5KG! BURN IT OFF.
started my diet regime. apparently it never succeed.
let's see how far I can go this time.

I cant wait for the SC Marathon to come.
yet another 42.5km.
my 1st marathon was a nightmare.
2nd marathon will be the same, but i love the after effect of thoes torturous moment. It feels.... so

BORED @ work. It's getting more and more monotonous looking at the figures
oh, at least there's a series of activities for me to look forward this weekend!
-BBQ (friday)
-Night cycling (saturday)

cant wait!

work is getting mundane
haiyo
2 yrs to go.

where Boys become Men in process - DAY 1

Participated the direct enlistment exercise with the lim family for his enlistment today. Wells, since I have never been to tekong so i requested to join him today. Oh, it was beyond my expectation of a recuit life in tekong. At least their bunks and facilities looks quite proper, like chalet style. I was so anticipating for CL to turn into a hairless monster. Unfortuntely, the hair shaving session happens only after we leave the place.

And so, for the whole afternoon the sergent orientated us around their so called 'hostel'. So many facilities, even have gym to workout. We procceed to watch some videos and witness their Oath taking? whichever they call it. We even get to taste their food. Some said, they always serve western food on the 1st day, and it is always the best.


and so....
16days before u book out.
haaha

my typical monday blues.
=/

i stonned half way and tot gave a 2nd thought.
i tot it's not worth doing so. but heck. jus buy, dont think.
i can be quite sweet at times, i think.
hah!

i will keep trying and trying
till that day come.
i will find myself back and u.
(:

uncertainty.
is killing me
fuck.

so silly.
i dont know if this is right.
could u tell me pls?

denial is like a short-term pain killer.
healing this inner feeling is gonna take some time to do so.
nobody knows can i start walking again.

it's hard.
so hard.

With so many stabbings around
its indeed a blessing in disguise.
this is when i know who is a true friend to me
thanks buddy, im glad to have a friend like you!
=)

Had Marketing exam in the morning, it was a god damn 3 hours paper.
headed for work after that.
I have no mood for work after the few consecutive days of studying.
heh, shall laze around till 5.30pm even though i have piles of work to do.
I wonder why is the work load so high? Never seems to finish my work leh!
TMD.

anyway will be joining the current ladies for sakae sushi buffet later.
you know, that's the problem when one gets older, cos it made me felt nostalgic again!

tsk.

it's 3.21am now and i couldnt slp.
flipped here and there on the bed.
felt nostalgic again. probably been thinking alot alot of things
i felt stupid and childish.
time for me to grow up.

its been sometime, since i felt sweet again.
=(

'HAHA'
i missed that badly.

I wanna find myself back.
I have a problem but I don't what is it.

The services provided by s.i.m can be quite ***ked up.

BOO!
just unsatisfied with their services.

I think I have thought it over. I really really want to stop rowing after this year.
No more.
THATS IT.
5 years is enough for me.
time to focus on other stuff, hmmm...
but I dont know what.
Anything but rowing.
moving on is what I need.
More excitment and thrillers is coming my way.

Pardon me if you cant read chinese.
for ur own entertainment only.

12星不为人知的致命依赖

白羊座——名牌

“LV，CHANEL，DIOR……我不能没有你们！没有人比我这么适合大牌！穿这条裙子多衬LV的樱桃包啊！”“我哪有虚荣？！我只是觉得钱放在那里发霉，还不如拿去买点好东西给自己找点自信！”“话不投机半句多。唉，最近熬夜皮肤变差，要去买个SK-Ⅱ面膜敷一下！妈妈的礼物？等到下个月吧。嘻嘻。”



金牛座——金钱

“哇！下个月我的存款就会达到六位数了呀！好开心哪！”“哈哈，六位数了，要不要干点什么呢？买房？泡沫太多，不安全！买车？进口车价格还有望下调，再等等。炒股？风险太大……还是好好放在银行吧！每天看着你们都在，我的心啊才觉得踏实，才能吃得香睡得好。”



双子座——资讯

“什么？！停电了！有没有搞错啊！”“停电了不要紧，可我怎么看电视，怎么上网，怎么看报纸？！”“不看电视，我怎么能知道美国今天又欺负了谁？不上网，我怎么知道周杰伦这次又跟谁去了日本？不看报纸，我怎么知道明天哪家商场打折？”“那怎么能行！离开这些资讯信息，这些娱乐报料，我的生活还有什么乐趣？！”



巨蟹座——妈妈

“妈！我好想你呀！我好想回家哟！”“妈，最近好想吃你做的红烧肉，好想好想哦。也不知道为什么，最近总是梦到你。不是梦到吃红烧肉，就是梦到躺在你的腿上看电视……妈妈，我不想在外面住了，我要回家，我要和你一起住！”

狮子座——权力

“你赶快把这个文件复印一下！你，说你呢，你把这个重新整理一下！”“不是每个人都有这样的权力啊，可我必须要有！”“我就是不能受那些无名小卒的摆布。我这样能干，天生就是控制权力的领袖！”



处女座——标准

“哎哟，这个桌子太脏了，要擦得发亮才行嘛！这个蛋糕要烤得鲜黄松软才好吃嘛！”“这是标准！每一件事情都要达到标准！就好像减肥的目的就是为了达到标准体重，这样看起来才漂亮啊！还有啊，每一件事情也要严格按照标准要求来做！每天喝多少水，吃多少油，都是有标准的。水喝多了会浮肿，喝少了会干燥；油……”

天秤座――天赋

“我太累了，也该歇歇了。今天的才艺表演，我都佩服我自己了！真是太帅了！掌声真是太热烈了！”“我呀，就是这么帅！也不用刻意准备什么，时间一到好东西自然来！琴棋书画，哪样咱都行！”“不服不行！这是与生俱来的！太累了，去睡了。明天的报告？小CASE，明天再说吧。”

天蝎座――宿命

“一切感情纠葛，皆因缘起缘灭。有一些事情是命中注定要发生的，有一些人是命中注定要出现在你面前。”“我始终坚信世事轮回。一次邂逅，也许有着曾经500年的祈求。”“有时间还要再看看《周易》，有些东西真是很玄妙。宇宙如此浩瀚，生命何此渺小！缘分天注定！”



射手座――朋友

“哎哎哎，这个题选什么？这个词是什么意思？拜托，快点啦。”“朋友嘛，就是要互相帮助啊！还要一起行动啊，这样才团结，才是好哥们儿！再说集体活动也热闹好玩嘛！”“我要去WC！你们谁去？哎呀，算了，大家一起去吧！”

摩羯座――书本

“这个问题，我要好好想想。你给我三天时间，我回去查查资料，仔细研究一下，再给你答复。”“三思而行，古人是有道理的。难道你会怀疑真理？书本上的能有假吗？我们要相信科学！”

水瓶座――直觉

“这个为什么是对的啊？我也说不太好，但我感觉是对的。”“我的直觉超准的！上次说粉红色要流行，结果半个月后，大街小巷是一片粉！真的很厉害的！还有啊，我有预感，今天要下雨！出门别忘带雨伞哦。”

双鱼座――爱情

“假如明天就是世界末日，我希望今天就可以与你相遇――我的至爱！”“假如只有三天光明，我希望与你一起欣赏日出日落――我的至爱！”“假如你是罗切斯特，那么我就是你的简，我会永远守护你――我的至爱！”

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_52cd24f601009evz.html

after all the torturings,
it finally get better.
life is not a bed of roses for me.
i wanna smile and be happy again.
i want. but how?
i jus don't know how.
LIFE IS GOOD. LIFE IS GOOD?
just keep repeating those words to myself?
hmmm..
i try and see if it works?

i'm going crazy.
depression is haunting me.
save me?

i dont understand the word love.
maybe i will never understand.
maybe, i'm not fit to even talk abt this.

i fear changes.
maybe i'm falling sick.

it feels like, if i dont try to breathe hard
i may die from it.

encountering some breathing problems lately. wonder if it is physcological problem or is it a sign of asthma?

I am starting to hate the sun
getting unbearable these days!

is this a symptom that world is coming to an end?
one after another natural disasters.

after 12 days of break from work, im finally going back again.
really missed the campus life.
wished i could be a full time student again.
so many days of bubble tea made me gained weight.
shall do something about it

i just cant stand mugger for examinations.
HATE IT.

Always making me so depressed.
hmmms.
ya. everything make me depressed
only food can unpress me.
maybe not. FOOD Make me fat
FAT make me depressed.

OB down.
NEXT ACCOUNTING.
jia you jia you!

judging by the amount of preparation work.
i can only pray hard that my brain cells dont fail me at the very last min.
i always have the phobia of sitting in exams halls and not be able to answer the qns.

pls let me pass all the subj.

im scared.

I want to faint.

Been caught up with many many frustrations.
workload is overwhelming, exams is coming.
And recently have been kinda down on luck.
BOO!!

I just need a space to vent it out.
That's all.

Thank you.

On a lighter note, i'm shifting to a new office tmr!
yea. frm 19th to 21st storey.
hehee..
But it's a BRAND NEW office okayss...
=D

Finally the last law lesson. And guess what? We have a special guest for lecture, starring Terry Faustine in her cutesy snow cap. How adorable *pinch cheeks*




Thanks to all my dearies who came all the way to SIM giving me the pleasant surprises.
=)
I love the flowers and cakes and presents and ur prescences!
Thanks a million.

The birthday greetings from my dear friends has certainly warmed my day up with smiles!
Thank you so much!
you guys had brighten up my day.
*hugs
=)

Our dinner at Triple 3, Meritus Mandrain Hotel last sat. I would say the buffet spread is quite delicious and fresh with quality unlike some of the other buffet outlets. I think their deserts are yummy. Loved their chocolates and ice-creams, the strawberry and chocolate flavour ice-cream tasted like the Andersen ice-cream. They have chocolate fondue too. Very quality food. =)

Uploaded some pictures, in random sequence.
Enjoy and stop drooling!!
=p

Happy April fool's day!

IRAS is looking for Valuation Officers whom graduated with a diploma with REB or BEM. With or without experience.
Any takers?
Let me know if you're interested to take up the post!
=)

I finished the delicious chocolate biscuit from Marks & Spencer

same place
same type of boat and paddle
different coach and different team.
something new but feel weird at times
i miss my old team even more.

The consecutive 3 days of ultra intensive water endurance training made me shag like hell

BECAUSE I LOVED MY BED SO MUCH SO that LONG weekend somehow seemed so SHORT.
Sleep was simply a heaven to me.

trying hard to make things work.
but somehow i feel quite negative about things again.
is there a barrier between us?
did we pretend to be alright after every misunderstanding?
i feel so lost.

okay. one more to go. that is law.
only a test. im dying.
accounts was screwed up.
can only pray hard for exams.
i guess i need to study doubly hard for the exams.
jia you.

simply too shagged after SR500.
too much exposure of sun.. but i enjoyed it.
slept at 10pm last night, it is the longest sleep I have after so many months
i still feel the tire.
dragged myself to work
hais.

imagine waking up everyday and all you see is a view like this?
dont u feel like you are staying in a resort?



And a yatch just outside your lovely house?



with a nice big swimming pool!



with a big lovely sofa!
welcome home.

For every setback
tell urself to be stronger.

i try very hard to understand her situation.
but i let my emotion overrule me all the time
i can say i am never good at controlling emotions
then again, everybody has their limits isn't it?

GOODBYE memories.

It DIED. Damn, all my photos are gone. It's a collection of photos since I'm YR 1 (17 yrs old) till today. The recent ones I dont really bother. BUT I LOST ALL MY OLD PHOTOS. NO backup nor did I developed it. args, SADDED.
*RELIEVE my saddness!!

50 yrs down the road, when you have nothing else left in this world and the only thing left would be the good old memories. Dont ya think photographs are the best narrator to ur memories.

i am very unhappy with my life now, or did i simply just had a bad day? why are my bad days more than my good days?
too much things going on at the same time, i can barely take some breather.
heavy workload is driving me crazy
school work is also driving me crazy (I love to go for lessons but it just draining my energy off)
insufficient rest is driving me crazy
problems are also driving me crazy
who else can i blame? myself or this society?
everything is making me so fucking stressed..

never be too kind to others for they will take things for granted.

Using authority to press me down, ok. FINE, got nothing to say. What right do i have anyway?

urgh.

Maybe being contented will make me a happier girl.

HAR! my AM is away for course again. Been very unproductive on days when he is not around and my guilt cant stop flowing in.

I joined the running peeps for a 8-10km jog last evening. While trying my very best to keep up the pace with them, I lost my way in botanic as they were way ahead of me. It looked like a maze to me.

Tiring but nothing can beat that sense of satisfaction.
=)

THIRD week of school.
stress is already overwhelming my mind, body & soul.I am so deprived from sleep. Especially when I changed my working shift to 8am and my class only ends at 10pm on the weekdays. 14 hours of work study work is no fun.

WHERE'S MY WORK LIFE BALANCE?
I want to go

shopping
wala on wednesday
mambo on wednesday
overseas

Thankfully, my manager is not in the office today as I was late again. Everyday I tell myself to wake up earlier and be punctual for work. BUT it's just so hard to achieve that. I'm ashamed to say my work place is just ONE stop away.. *whoops

My eyes are swollen & I'm not in a clear state of mind to work.
*SLEEPY

and I miss rowing.

EXHAUSTED.
work.sch.work.sch.work.sch.

can I be more positive?