Graduation

I'm don't want to graduate.

Even if i get to wear cool harry-potter robes and hood

I don't know how - just somehow my self-worth is declining by the second. Once we graduate from school, everything that we have accomplished will all come to naught. No one will know who you are, what you were, or how you did. Life is going to change. a lot.

Anyway I got a casual research job on Dividend Policies and share regulations with the co-author of the Corporate Finance textbook! too awesome! I hope to be able to keep up with their expectations. Work experience with Accenture really did help - their name is so good everywhere.

SELT survey results are out - and I'm so flattered by the comments. I can only hope that I receive the job this semester. Else I really don't know how to survive here in Aus. =(

IELTS was a bitch. I just hope that my speaking and writing results can achieve 8.

Ok enough of rant... maybe some day, I'll post my harry-potter pics =p

Decisions

So many options to choose from, too little opportunities to decide from.

Spoke to so many people today, and I get differing opinions, but what I know for sure is that they advise me to snag the job offer before all else.

Had a pleasant surprise this morning - bagged a HD for my final quant course, and my raw score was 90! =) =) The lecturer in the email mentioned that he was very receptive on supervising a thesis (if I wanted) on Monte Carlo simulations for exotic interest rate products. My hardwork did pay off.. phew! Now it's just my Actuarial subjects.... please please please please please give me my credit average for Credibility. and Pass for my AT....... otherwise it's really the end of my actuarial prospect.

Had a chat with a professor and he said that he resigned. Good lord that news was sudden. I'm so glad I met him this afternoon for a chat and a farewell... who knows when I'll see him again.......

3.5 years in Canberra.. all sweat tears and blood for a piece of paper which not many firms really wanna see. Job hunting is very painful - I'm not even sure if I'll be able to keep myself afloat. CV is great, market opportunities are bad. I need a time-turner any day now.

So................................. what next?

Exams exams exams

2 down, 1 more to go!!

Final undergraduate exam - it is gonna be an amazing paper i hope!

Actuarial Techniques was a disaster.. I think i'll get a Credit, and then be glad because I still get exemptions. Heck, I just need a Pass.

Advanced Derivatives was very smooth - but if I can do it, everyone else can as well. I have higher hopes for this. HD come on!

Credibility seems easier than it is. I just pray for clarity and precision in my answers. All I need is a Credit for this. Distinction (or HD) is just icing on cake - so that I'll confirm my Honours offer!

Honours Thesis... what to write, who to approach... help?

Amazing CV, Tough Interviews

I applied for about 6 firms so far; 5 replied and gave me interviews. No news after that. I'm thankful that even Aussie firms get back to me; this implies that my CV is good enough to catch their eye! All I need is my IELTS to get above 7 and I'm all set for employment!

Thing is, I get stuck after the first interview - they don't get back to me. There's something wrong with my interview.. perhaps I speak too fast? Not smooth enough? Perhaps not witty enough.

For aussie firms, I know it's of my VISA and work rights as a Temp Resident. For Sg firms not too sure - I only applied 2..

If I use try-try attitude to handle these things, I'll get try-try outcomes. I should get more serious in job applications down under.

not bad

actually... i just realised that my results are pretty good if I don't compare with other people

so anyway, a junior asked for advice about competition in his school. I said... "don't compare with the rest. just be better than yourself and you'll naturally find yourself at the top"
This was in fact advice that was given to me in my first year by a close friend. I didn't understand it until recently. I'm just glad that I did albeit being in my final sem.

Holidays are fun - programming is awesome! Though I do wish for more time to travel around... but it's just so unlikely that I'll get the time.. lots of catching up to do; oh well.. I'll see if I can just do a little escapade soon-ish enough!

as a final note, I should have less expectations of others... because 无事不登三宝殿 ; everyone is doing each other a favor. I should be more open......

hypo

your friend was right... should have known you're a hypocrite.

how can i be this blinded =/

Olympics

A very heated match between 2 world-class badminton players. Both players did well; it's such a close match!

Somehow I feel happy for LCW and Malaysia despite being a Singaporean. Compared to our medalist in table-tennis, I take no second guesses acknowledging LCW as Malaysia's pride. Feng is definitely a nation's pride, but the nation is probably not Singapore.

Good game, LCW. Good game.

delusional

Sometimes I envy delusional people - they honestly believe their lies because reality doesn't match up to their ideals

I just had a dream. A dream that I got 88 for Risk Theory even before taking the exams. I'm on panic-mode now because I know I cannot finish studying for it. My dreams are always the opposite of what it seems, but I just can't put a finger to what this means. Perhaps a 66?

I'll be delusional to think I have a shot at scoring 88... It's almost impossible for my standards; but heck I choose to be delusional

Somehow it as if I woke up to be a different person - perhaps pressure drives us. crazy.

After exams, I'll land myself in a cross-road. To stay, or not?

surreal

Everything is surreal; it's no big deal, but it affirms that with hard work and tenacity, you will get what you want. eventually


I'm 3 days behind schedule. Not sure if i can even finish Risk tutes. Not sure if i can finish multiple-life functions in a day. Not sure if i can score for stochastic calculus. bleargh

It's the time of the semester, where I drown myself in self-sorrow and with this little self-worth i have it isn't gonna help. It's amazing how easy 2nd year courses are. 3rd year courses are 100 times worse.

not sure if it's a good thing that students actually pop by for consultation. i heard somewhere that 'the best teachers are those who rid themselves the fastest'. I shouldn't even be too bothered about them now; my results are at stake.

Doing my last 4 hours (highly likely to exceed this figure) of consultation. It is also highly probable that I'm out of job next semester given the cost-cutting scheme put in place. It's my last 4 hours of teaching obligation; I should make the best out of it.

I like financial calculus. I like solving stochastic processes. Hell yes I love making problems look simple with 3 lines of equation and a bit of logic.

It really does seem surreal that I'm where I am now. I bet people would wanna live my life now. They just don't see the darkest corners of my struggles.

This sem.

best

sem

ever.

calm before the storm

this seems too comfortable.

seems like every tom dick or harry had a perfect score; and who knows, they had the answers beforehand. fkkkkkkkk

life con sucks.

i hate myself.




problems that can be solved with money, aren't big problems

Piles and Piles of...

ungraded assignments.

At the rate I'm going, I'll most probably only finish them the week after next.

At the amount of words I'm reading (whether bullshit or value-adding), I'll definitely be an expert in this subject matter;

Reading 8 full pages of text per team is suicidal.. but oh well, I guess I'll never be able to do it again after I graduate, unless I become an education officer / academic; either career paths are highly unlikely. I hope I get paid for this..!

Good lord, I'll also need to finish up Risk Theory as well. Too much things to do, too little time.....!!


P.S
Avengers was awesome.. I don't mind watching it again!

P.P.S
Haps haps!

Muses of tutoring

Today a student asked me, "how do you use foreign currency swaps?"

"o.O woah" (yes, i practically gave her the 'woah' look.)

I was very impressed with her interest in derivatives; it is not a common sight for students to ask me an advanced derivative question, especially in a 2nd year course. To be quite honest, I'm not very knowledgeable in this area of swaps either. So I asked her more questions to clarify what she meant.

"In our assignment, the firm that we chose used FX Swap. They invest in US Bonds but we don't know how they do it".

Thing is, I'm not permitted to comment about the assignment; not when I have no idea what is required, but since it's an interesting question, I'll try anyway.

So I asked, "why don't they use futures/forwards instead?"

"They specifically mentioned swaps in the financial statements. So futures is out of the question"

"I see. Did you mention swaps for foreign interest rates or foreign exchange?"

"Interest rates. They want interest rates in AUD".

At that moment... my mind went WTF. There's absolutely no logical reason why this firm hedges its exposure in this manner. And there's a contradiction to what was being mentioned earlier. So I suspect she really has no clue in what she's saying.... or what she's read. Acquiring US Bond interest rates in AUD just don't sound right. Plausible, but just doesn't sound right (in the risk management perspective of a local corporation)

"If we are talking about interest rate swaps, then the idea is the same with the lecture notes on LIBOR and Fixed. If we are talking about foreign currency (exchange) swaps, then there are other alternatives to hedging i.e. using futures. Thus the only main reason why they would engage in foreign currency swaps is because they have competitive and comparative advantage in one currency but needs the other (less competitive currency). Do I make sense?"

She looked as if she saw the light... I'm not even sure what I said made sense. In fact I have no idea whether what I said was right, but it does sound right

Note to self.... smoke students by asking questions that gear towards what you know or perceive to know.

This just further affirms that any idiot can do the job - just know how to talk.

out of the blue

don't ask me.... i don't know ........... =/

crappp

成绩烂得要死.....

gg.com

edit: i must remind myself that the war is not over until graduation...

Perfect......!

Never in my life have I felt this perfect before...

Studying in the top university of Australia,
Doing things I love all day and all night long,
Scored decently well,
Became a tutor,
Management position in a club,
Enough to eat,
Enough to spend,
Enough sleep to go around.

I am finally satisfied. really.

Wooooo

Yayyy =)

It's a massive commitment of more than 5 hours a week, but that's fine =)

I'm still smiling from ear to ear since this morning =)

Upon a Star

I can only wish for something this beautiful to befall on me.

fishie.... fishie....

i met a friend whom i used to like in my jc days this evening..

everything went well, then we were comfortable enough to go into the topic about why we didnt manage to get together. i remember liking her a fair bit, though not to the point of obsession... the friendship was good, the interaction was nice.... felt good =)

then she disclosed that 原来she used to like me too.. but because of the bigger picture for our committee, she decided to lie to me. haha we were so childish =P

thinking back... it was pretty nice that the first person she called when she touched down Singapore in 2006 from her 2-week holiday was me. =3

simple times, simple love.

end of lovey dovey recollections of nearly-getting-together.

she reaffirmed that bad rumours about me were being spread....... and people were talking behind my back when i was president. some of those were bullshit...... really.. -.- and a lot are lies.

suddenly many things started to piece itself together.

no wonder.......................

I'm glad i had this evening with her.. untrue shit has been stirred. this is just stupid. kill my reputation this way.

win.

seriously........ i dont need to explain myself to people to let them understand who i really am. those who dont know......... dont mattter!

just a little more

i missed it by a step again... i'm some back-up contingent to the demand.

it's definitely better than not considering me at all. at least i know, if i get it this time, i'll be happy.

i need some luck now.. please let me get it!!

somehow

had a lazy saturday afternoon, trying to catch up on rest and sleep.. surfing my friends' pictures, blogs and stuff.. and realise that the connections i have with people aren't too fancy afterall.

maybe its just me, but honestly, i think i might grow old alone.

i've been busy with work, internship and matters that would improve my employability. i've been losing out on other things like catching up with people, and reconnecting the dots.

you win some, you lose some. do I want to remember my university education as an academic feasting, or would I want to think of it as a phase of my life that can never be replaced?

and besides....

with that wall around my heart,
who can come in?

The praise

The best form of praise you can get, is imitation.

The next best, is when a stranger tells you that you're good.

This feeling is 无与伦比的美=)

Disturbbbb

I've come to realise that liking what you do is very important, and so I am placing that as a number 1 priority. It is often difficult to find what you enjoy in.

This internship is a very good self-exploratory period of time to really come and realise what I like, and what I dislike.... Have considered tendering, have considered biting the bullet and hold on. At the end of the day, I'm still deciding.

Some argued, even if I don't go to work everyday, what can I do? My friends will stay here for a long time, and even more so if I'm are planning to come back to SG. Well, that's another consideration..... should I work in AU?

Some argued, if I see no point in doing this, then why waste time? I'm better off spending this period resting and recuperating for the next semester.

This boils down to how much I value personal happiness against fulfilling the expectations of others. There's a fine balance, and perhaps this is one lesson I should take home from this experience.

Should I request for 2 weeks off?

----

On the side note, another good friend has told me that he's gay. Not surprisingly, he used to like me. Perhaps I give off the vibe, or perhaps I don't. I just hope things can return to normal soon... Will I still treat him as a good friend? Yes. Will things be like last time? I really don't know.

The more you know, the more you know you don't know.

----

Sometimes it's because of an initial attraction that sparks a friendship; but when the other party affirms the suspicion (or the interest is made known), a lot of things are potentially over. I'm trying to make the wrongs to right, because I cherish a particular friendship. I can only pray that things go smoothly and that what He has laid out for me will eventually lead me to a state where I truly can be happy. And this also means the other party has to be glad.

----

Will things ever be the same again?