what goes around comes around

Someone in aussie wanted me to write a long and interesting post... cos she was bored. Though I can guarantee that its gonna be long, I cant guarantee its gonna be interesting haha =p

How about let's start with............

As an analyst intern, I'm at the lowest of the food-chain. So all the saikang will be passed down to me.
I've had to work late everyday from 9am (or rather, I gave myself autonomy to come in late haha) to earliest 7ish. Most of the time, I was the last to leave, and needless to say first to arrive. This week was different. It has been really hectic. I'm on 2 projects and deadlines are peering close.

The whole Finance team had to OT to rush reports, generate fixes and handle all the aunties. So we stayed back til 10pm together, had some drinks then head home at 1am. Rinse and repeat from 9am.

My manager stood late as well, and we had some interesting conversations while we're waiting for the systems to load. We spoke about varied topics ranging from hard sciences like probability and statistics (what i learn in uni), financial economy, to emotional ones like marriage and courtship.
What we do are not exactly the most interesting things an intern, or even a consultant does, but its the people - they make it up for it. There is not an hour our team didn't laugh over something stupid like..


" *so and so* is very nice.. he cooks great food for his team, treats them to supper, and heads the Diversified Workforce for the Disabled"

-Yea. he's so nice he only hates the disabled.

On hindsight, it wasn't funny; but when we are dead tired with no dinner and hands full of debugging tasks, little things like that helps lighten the load.

Apart from work, I went back to TJ recently to help perform for their annual concert. Their state now is pretty skeletal; no flautists left, and all the performers were alumni from previous batches. Surprise Surprise, I'm the oldest in that bunch.

I only had 2 practice sessions (3 hours each) to handle the performance, and am glad I pulled through with my mediocre skills. the last time I performed was in 2010 for my Concerto and that was it. I was glad I had a good foundation.. otherwise I would have made a fool of myself.

It went pretty well, caught up with a couple of my juniors and oh boy, they all changed so much. Guys got more handsome during and after army, and girls got prettier over time. The 2 years was a lost window for me, and I almost couldn't recognize nor remember their names.

Thanks ty for asking me back; wouldn't have enjoyed it without your initiation =)

awesome dizi gang!

Xmas and New Year is just round the corner. Friends who went overseas to pursue their education are all flocking back for this festive season.. It'll be a good time to catch up old times, have a small something, laugh over stupid experiences and perhaps find out a little something more about ourselves.

Til then!

The game

its on.

I was reminded of what andre spoke about.

I'm going to make it work.

May the magic be on my side

Keep my cool, stay in control, grasp the opportunity.

I'm on.

Coming home, Tell the world I'm coming home

Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday~


Anyway, my friends ask if I'm excited to come home. The answer? Not quite....

I feel detached from Singapore, not because I'm not there for a long time, but because things have changed so rapidly, I don't know how Singapore is like anymore.

Friends change; some are working already, some are still struggling in uni. 2 years of detachment is quite a fair bit. You never know how much one can change in a brand new environment.

Internship is not exactly exciting either, but I'll try to make the best out of it.

All i ask for is a peace of mind. I just wanna stay focussed with my goals.

Singaporeans = Ignorant?

What an observation...... What are your thoughts?

http://temasekrevealed.blogspot.com/2011/11/ah-tiong-nus-student-we-have-singapore.html?spref=fb


One of the comments from a Local Undergraduate, "Bloody hell seh, make this kind of comment, its makes every Singaporean wants to kick his ass man."

I don't know what he means, but it felt as if he's just complaining that someone is better than the general population.

My Thoughts:

In my opinion, if you feel that this sweeping statement is untrue, work harder than them and own them in their face. Don't cry in your own comfy nest thinking that things will be better for you.

For sure, there are many Chinese Nationals that are academically stronger than many of us, but take 3 steps back and think about why that is true. It is dead obvious that they put in more effort, they are more focused, and are more serious in education matters. Being a determined bunch, no wonder they are much better.

I work twice as hard as a typical Chinese National here in ANU, and generally score better than them. I win some, I lose some; so there are also a couple of others that are out of my league, and I admit that since I am not as hardworking as they are.

To be honest, I'm not even offended by this PRC's statement. In fact, I mock at him because I know, if I were to be competing against his kind, I'm definitely going emerge victorious.

If you want something, WORK FOR IT.

The Secret to Success

"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful."

"The only thing you want while you are wheezing is to grasp a breath of air. You don't care your basketball game, don't care your........ you just want to breathe."

Many people want success, but they only kind-of want success.

This is all absolutely true.
I am willing to give up sleep, and have given up sleep. Because when I sleep, I know I've missed out some opportunities.
Now, even when I do not get the grades I really wanted, at least i know i tried, and I tried really hard.

But at the end of the day, hard work does not guarantee success. At least it makes your conscience feel much better, and in the long run, you will definitely outshine the rest. In the long run.

I guess I'll have to be patient and wait for my turn to shine to come

sigh

我也只能怪自己技不如人；花了那么长时间，读了那么多书，还是没有办法考第一...别说第一了，连第十我看也望尘莫及

goodbye Honours =(

Too harsh

I've come to realise that I beat myself down badly when things don't go as planned.

Coupled with an inferiority complex, if things don't go smoothly, it must mean that I'm not cut out for it. Especially in the spirit of competition, I always tend to think that people are as good as me, or even better. So when I screw up, that's it.


It's often difficult to convince me out of this rut. I might have to bear with it for the rest of my life

强就好，不要假强

Stochastic Assignment answers are out; i got most of them right, except for a few errors here and there.

out of 60, I might only get 55 depending on how strict the marker is, but I've sealed my fate for a 10 whopping reduction in marks. At least I got the hardest question right. And all i hope is that he doesn't see any minute mistakes from my answers..


To those of you who used my answers and got some of them right, congratulations.
To those of you who used my answers and got them wrong, I am sorry. I tried my best.
To those of you who think I could give you good answers because I scored well for STAT2001, I'm sorry, I'm only a mere human. Not trusting me was a good idea, and I really hoped you all got some parts right.


Did terrible for this, I'm definitely coming back with a vengeance. No 100% for assignment, never mind. I'm definitely gunning for the bigger picture.

I'll be putting up a good fight. I'm still aiming for that 90. I'm still holding on to something called hope.

Top 5. Here I come.

Top of the Top

15% HD.

A benchmark that CBE sets for CT courses. I don't think I can be the top 15 students in the actuarial cohort; much less scoring consistent 80s or even 90s.

It's really just too bad that the competition is this tight. HD for 3rd year stat is no joke; but all my friends are sitting on HD averages. It's not the same.

Mind Control

Phew.

I'm glad I dodged the bullet. Didn't get VP, and am very fortunate that I didnt get it. Its the start of all the silly politics.

I really don't understand the importance of a "name" or "accomplishment" tagged to you. Whether P or VP, I really don't care. I honestly don't need the P or VP to get jobs or interviews. It turned me off when you said, "for the CV".

I also don't want to be put to run a contest that already has an outcome. Maybe its for the greater good, and maybe it has to be that way.

Finally, I don't want to be a management consultant for my 1st job. I want to be an Actuarial Consultant. An Actuary.

Remember.

butterfly

What's the deal with social butterflies?

I'm almost annoyed.

At least be a sincere butterfly.

a breather

double assignments, check.

revision, check.

exams, oh shit hit fan NOT CHECKED

Sometimes I wonder, in the previous crossroad, if i were to take a left turn instead, would things turn out to be better?

If i had said no instead of yes to certain things, would things change? What would the butterfly effect be like?

I'm recently addicted to coke/pepsi for its caffeine......... coffee just doesnt seem to cut it anymore. Plus, the sugar high keeps my momentum high high high!


Someone asked me about a particular colleague. At that point of time I was lost for words; because i don't know many nice things to say about him. All i could mention was his contributions.

It takes certain skill to bring out someone's goodness when you have nothing much to say; and for all I know, someone may ask about me and is put into such a position as well - don't know what to say.

Succeeding to Fail

"Success comes from going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm"

-thingsweforget.blogspot.com

In uni, I've met failure so many times I don't dare to count. I've never failed so much before in my life.

From math, to game theory, to stats. From students associations app to internships. So many failures, so many setbacks. Some of them blew my interest out of the window, while others kept my fire burning.

We definitely will not see everyone through the race; some run faster, some a little slower. The important thing is, will we reach the finishing line as one.... or as individuals.

Perhaps, rather than saying fail... let's just define it as not-meeting-expectations.

Crudely put; failure to meet expectations................ that's still failure isn't it?

i hate explaining myself

one is with some association; miscommunication. thankfully it has been resolved.

the other is with a couple of people in school; misunderstanding. and i dont wanna explain myself. as if it helps.

out of mind out of sight.

and i really dislike the socializing climate now.

Someone once told me when I'm younger,

“你的一身，取决于你看过的书，遇过的人，看过的戏，和你上过的课”

如今，在大学生涯里，我们所上的课以及看的书完完全全为了讨一个更好的将来。在盲无目的的追寻俗事繁华的当儿，我们是否都忘了过往的人，和诚普的遐想呢？

hardwork

when all my friends are working so hard, i need to work even harder. just doesn't seem right when they are putting in their all and i'm not even giving my 100%.

its the midsemesters soon. fanatically rushing for consultations and revisions. yes.

trap

i really hope i did ok for it

in ten ships

in ten ships, there bound to be one that will accept me!

already applied for so many of them. please give me a reply soon!

i don't even know my competition for the actuarial field. let's just wait and see =x

经一事长一智

如果你有maybe maybe 的心态，

就一定会有 maybe maybe 的成果

不被选中是福

还记得

当时的天真

当时的自由

当时的快乐

当时的希望

当时的期盼

怎么现在变得那么不同？

随着这几年的岁月慢慢地蹉跎着，我们之间隐约迈向同样的未来，但却在横行之间忘记了彼此。。可能毕业之后，有缘再聚一聚也不错吧。。。。。。。。

一旦回国，我们有可能永远也只能在对方并联的阳光道上瞄望他日的一些点点滴滴。

所谓的记忆也就不过如此吗？

放得下

我要学会潇洒一点

有些事情一定要懂得放得下，否则原地踏行也不会解决什么

时间可以冲淡一切，一年两年也一定会的

但愿接下来的一切可以事事顺心，靠岸的时候桥一定是直的！

finally

Results are out. In general, i performed above expectations. I didn't expect to score for optimisation, and definitely did not expect a HD for finance. as for stats, i did under-perform a little, below my expectations, but definitely a good grade for my effort.

somehow i don't know if things will go even more smoothly this time round. i'm just hoping for the best!

hope for the best!

Results are out tomorrow.

I don't know why I feel so nervous about it. It's as if I have never done well before, and am praying that I can do well. I kinda lost faith and confidence in myself. Because of Game Theory. pfft.

To my horror, I realise that if I were to exclude my results for Game Theory, my average mark would be inflated by more than 4 marks. Not to mention the amount of time I spent on it, I could've spent more time on other courses and not have crap results. And because of that ugly "PS" on it, I might not be able to be a tutor. =(

2nd Semester 2010. You taught me humility.

2nd Semester 2010. You showed me how fallible I am.
2nd Semester 2010. You totally screwed up my results.

2nd Semester 2010. You robbed my chances of being a tutor.

1st Semester 2011. Will you return the glory I once had?

No matter how I see it, I don't think this semester will correct my overall marks too much. What a tragedy.

1 down 2 to go!

ECONS WAS A DISASTER!

its basically maths in econs, but i couldn't finish it. so i bade buh-bye to my goal to get 95+ =((

stats and investments left. i think i'm gonna get credit or at best a D for investments... sigh. stats is a chore; a good grade given my effort is quite implausible =/ how am i going to do well for my killer courses next sem =((((

haizzzz

and.......

If you've done it once, you can do it again.

Have some faith

Have some confidence

Perhaps the first step is to believe that believing helps.

The halfway point

In mathematics, it is often very easy to derive maximum and minimum values; regardless of the number of variables you have. However the hardest thing to do is to find values that are exactly halfway between the maximum and the minimum (if it exists).

Well, mathematicians use programs to split up the function into many many parts, and then compare each value to check at which point could the variables derive a mid-point. At lower dimensions, it is extremely easy.

In 1 dimension, we just add both ends up and divide by 2. In 2 dimensions, we have mid-point theorem. In higher dimensions, it is almost a chore to find a mid-point. So, economists tend to take the easy way out; ignore all the other factors (keeping them constant) and then check for the mid-point.

This relates very much to life.

It is often very easy to balance work and rest. When other factors come into play, it gets seemingly more difficult to find a balance. There is no specific algorithm to lead a balanced life; everyone just try try try try try until they get it right. So, when people get tired of trying, they ignore other factors, thinking that things will be at a "constant" and then attend to the more pressing factors.

Our race is like that, and those who try too hard attempting to balance everything fall about just as hard. They either get overwhelmed, or they get disheartened. The thing is, it is IMPOSSIBLE to find a balance. One being too good at something will totally fail at another. Because it's simply impossible to relax all the variables.

For every 1 point a person gets higher than me in school, they lose out 1 point somewhere else in life. Similarly, for every 1 point I have above the rest, I lose out somewhere somehow somewhat.

This is the only thing that keeps me in check with reality, that safeguards my humility, that maintains my sanity. I can never be at the top of my game, nor can someone truly overpower me. Until I find one that beats me in every single thing, I'll never give up the realisation that being bad isn't bad. It's to average out the good in me.

Would I sacrifice the world to be at the top of my game?

Certainly not.

OH noes

"it's an easy course to get a D or a HD if you study. undergraduates think they can go by without much work, and so they did badly this time" -elena

too many geniuses out there.

previous semester inflicted some heavy damage to the most crucial thing one requires for any examination.

"life is not about how we fall down, it's about how we pick ourselves up and excel farther and harder" -me

somehow i can't seem to practise what i preach

我真的不是finance的料

things just don't sink in as fast as math or stats. i'm so glad i've only got 1 more finance core to do next year.

someone

i need someone to tell me its alright to not get 100% even when u have tried your best
i need someone to tell me its alright to read something for an hour and still have no clue
i need someone to tell me its alright to accidentally offend people because they will forget about it
i need someone to tell me its alright to lose contact
i need someone to tell me its alright to feel lost.
i need someone to tell me its alright to be busy despite taking only 3 courses.

is it really that important to understand every single thing?

The role of luck

I've always believed in working hard for results. In face of competition amongst the top tier, everyone is as hard working as you are, or even more. However, there's only so much hard work can contribute to results. At the end of the day, when everyone puts in the same amount of work, luck will be the ultimate test of your abilities, less intelligence and on-the-spot performance.

what an unfair world, aye?

blehh

anyone who asks me about my results will receive this answer: "i did well enough to pass."

even if i topped the cohort, even if i get 100% for it, i'll say "I passed".

this should stop all the worthless petty competition, and stop looking at me as your competitor!

so what if i'm better? do you feel good? so what if you're better, do you feel good?

if everyone likes to do downward comparison, then so be it. my results will arbitrarily be Pass for everything. just so you can feel good about yourself.

srsly.

打开心节

i should find the courage to bring things up. to tie up loose ends. and just to conclude certain things. as we listen to songs that bring us back to the past, we must not forget to live in the present and look into the far yonder of the future.

there's really nothing to lose, is there?

hello 2011

a few blinks, it's been 1.5 years in canberra! halfway to go before graduation =)
and as usual, we all want to wrap up our happenings. this year has been well...... somewhat exciting! so here goes...

Let's see.............
I had my first concerto here =) success! maybe not too many people in canberra to witness it, but i know its great. I can feel my music... maybe thats the most assuring part.

I also directed the ensemble for its first ticketed performance! Well, I may have prior experience in conducting..but hey, i kinda understand how all my conductors feel.. when your players all rely on you, when they all have expectations of you. And finally when things go well, that feeling is.... =)

 too bad not all of them are inside =(

Oh and the Beijing Professors came down! Awesome experience with them! Didn't know Mr Tay so famous there.. Instead of being the one to take care of them, they took care of me =) so nice haha.. really helps to have some connections lol.. learnt a whole lot from them. makes my music more.... refined, with more soul.. with much more............ aspirations maybe?


Besides instrumental, VOCAL! the times we had together singing for Singapore Association was awesome. All the practices, all the jokes, all the fun times, and all the "omg so heavenly" comments were just absolutely awesome =D bringing our vocals to another level higher than just karaoke was the bomb. thank you Don, Tingho for the coaching! thank you Elisse, Kim, Toby, Jo for your encouragement =) YOU GUYS ARE TEH SUPERSTARZ

the SINGapore crew =)


June's the bomb. Went to Cairns, Melbourne, Sydney(for dunno how many times) and Wollongong!
Cairns was very very very awesome. no. it IS very very awesome. For everyone staying in Aus, or studying there, Cairns is the number1 destination to go to! MUST GO! it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. everything is just... super awesome!
Diving, Parasailing, Rafting, Exploring =) super fun!

Dive Crew!! =)

Wollongong is a getaway. Relaxing place, just going around the area feels so....... nice. Especially roadtrips haha. nice =) and great friends, great company, great jokes, great laughter, great time, great memories =)

 =)

June holidays was a blast!



Friends were awesome too =) the random chitchatting, the random outings, the random bumping-into-each-other-and-oh-lets-go-degree-chill moments, the random nudges on msn, and the random doodles on each others facebook walls =) they have become family more than friends, especially in a place like this

 degree =)

and last but not least, how can i forget my dear girl? haha =p always there when i needed, always not there when i needed (lol) and always ever supportive of everything i do. never once i feel i'm the 51% again =)
small things you do make me feel so appreciated. small things you do make me feel loved. small things you do make me feel nice =) being ever so thoughtful, being ever so considerate, and being so accomodating. i know i'm not the easiest going person around, but you put up with that. <3
don't forget, 01582 =D

i am thankful for everything i have this year.
even if my grades suck, even if my eye-rings are super dark.. there's always something to be thankful about =)

it's really ok to not have all HDs. but it's not ok to be unhappy. it's not ok to spread unhappiness to people.

i need to count my blessings.


and for that,

my only resolution for this year isn't absolutely difficult;
To be Better Than Average.

That's all =)
I guess, be happier than usual, be more grateful than usual, be more committed than usual, be more confident than usual, be better than usual!
Better than average. Not too hard, right?