wahhhh

met up with the usual marists again. this time we went to l4d2 at game haven. haha pretty fun la, esp when sng nv play before hahaha.

den met up wif qitang for dinner at PS and to a pub near selegie for a few drinks. that pub is damn good. not crowded at all! maybe cos we went on a tues. i added, "its amazing how we can drink in a pub after 10 years since primary school", and then liming said "it would be amazing if we can meet up at this same place when we are all 40."

haha dun think so far ahh.. maybe we'd be meeting soon for someone's wedding ;)

i may not like Maris Stella for what it is, but the group of you made up for its short comings =D




那是我们都回不去的从前
幸好还可以坚持当时的信念
世界尝试改变
当初的那个少年
那是我们都回不去的从前
当你站在那个夏天的海岸线
我们还是心里面
那个偏执的少年

oh

舖天蓋地 是你完美演技
一句抱歉 說得煽情
壞人我做就可以
若及若離 是你完美演技
哪裡熱鬧往哪裡去 都隨你

hmm

payco's performance @ Esplanade is over! haha quite glad its all over. suddenly feel a gush of slight emptiness though.

anyway, it has happened again. practiced so much, and the rehearsal was in fact pretty good! SecondSymphony imo during the rehearsal was very well done. but i screwed up some parts at the end of the day.

first, the whole structure was messed up after 1 section being a teeny weenie bit slower by half a beat. then, despite a fervent attempt to rescue the structure, it was a little futile. during G solo, the rhythm was slowed down to aid the rest, but i didnt respond to it quick enough. PLUS my dimo went off, which inherently affected 'Dong'.

sigh. prepared pretty hard for this 2 pieces, but in the end didnt finish with a perfect cadence. In fact, i would rather term it as a tierce di picardi 3rd. its always like that =( prepare so hard, then not much results. i feel a little 可惜 for the orchestra, and for myself. maybe i'm a little 'perfectionistic' but i do expect my performance to be at least 90% =s today's 状态 was barely 75% =(


afterall i've said, i guess that will be it =D no more sleepless seattle nights!
oh how i love this kinda writing to express.


i met up with the Marists after performance for Liming's birthday party! nice lah! its great great great to catch up with the gang! and i almost forgot how carefree it was to be with the guys, spouting all sort of nonsense, laughing out loudly, and not bothering about SENSITIVE FUCKS because we all know what we 'really' mean. I love being in a Boys' School.
it seems that being in a boys' school really made me who i really am now =) thats something..... cool? haha i dont know.



HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY LIMING! :D

dis a season to be jolly

fralalalala, la la, la la~

went to KL with hongseng on monday, met up with jo and nick, subsequently stayed over at jo's place for 1 night.

Had maggi goreng in a random indian stall with hongseng on the midnight we reached puduraya and that was the best one i've EVER HAD. singapore's food sucks lah. seriously. The following day we went one-utama and i got myself a 55-ringgit 'andre michele' wallet. damn cheap, damn nice! :D what more, i tasted a maggi goreng near nick's place and that was like better than the random one! omg haha 2 "best maggi gorengs" in 2 days. that is bliss! =p had 2 plates of it, plus 1 milo-ice and bandung ice. total price? 9.90rm WAHAHA

spent xmas eve watching sherlock holmes wif vivien and hs. its damn nice. if you love House, you will definitely love Holmes. oh what a pun ;)

it has been 4 days since the explosion. i'm handling it well. at the end of the day i'll be sitting on the fence. if one day anything happens, it will be very, very, VERY easy for me to topple on either side. for that, i'm keeping an open heart.

i think i vaguely remember how i celebrated Christmas in 2008. I guess, it's a long-lost penguin's egg-day. i sometimes wonder how is dd doing =s

hot shot!

Oh~ I believe
Cause I believe
那幸福不灭的定律
你的手心 不一定要由我握紧
就像恒星 总会有发光的原因

Oh~ I believe
你值得被珍惜
也值得我放弃

stooooopid boi

sometimes i feel damn stupid.; so much for no results.

my sec4 chem teacher gave me a card once. "Preparation: If I was given 10 days to chop a tree, I would spend 9 days sharpening my axe"

Preparation is damn important, but no matter how well i prepare for things, it seems just not enough..

spend 7 months preparing for nothing. blaahhh
its studying for an exam you know you'll fail, but you study because you think there's a glimpse of hope to pass. the hope, in actual fact, is pretty small.
but like what jiayi said la, hope is sure haf. even if its the hardest paper in college, u'll still have a shot at it to pass.

aniway, I am going KL with hongseng to meet jocelyn and nick tmr! so i guess that would cheer me up a bit. love them lahhs.

at the end of the day, i still think im just stupid.

我的确有点累了

从前以为只要我相信，因为我相信，就会有奇迹;
好多事件都强力辅助我的想法，导致我无暇的信任

VISA是其一, SYF是其二, 当兵时调动我到总部是再其次... 这些都是活生生的例子.
因为我相信, 只要我相信, 就会有奇迹.

如今奇迹对我来说是废话, 是只有弱者无能为力的时候才依靠的一个想法
这个原理跟"运气"是一样的.. 不可靠的天时参永不朽的地理是不会有100%success 的...

我在这里垂死挣扎也好像于是无补.. 不管做过的一切好像一下子就被忘掉
好不公平, 好不理智; 就好像梦醒似的'怎么记也记不起来'

miracles are for the weak. this reminds me why i never believed in one from the beginning.
i thought miracles were happening to me in 2009. and i was starting to believe in them. now 2009 is ending, the miracles have faded too.

working hard towards my goal is important. i've put in a lot of effort, and i, abiding to the Classical Theory, believe that effort and outcome is positively related. however, no one can tell whether it is linear or not

No matter how hard i pray, or how much i wish, things will always straighten out by itself. I guess there are times you really dont get it.
They say, be careful of what you wish for. Is it really too greedy for me to wish for something so infinitesimal, so minute, so simple on my 21st birthday?

Christmas is just round the corner. If there really is a Santa Claus, I'd still wish for the same thing from him. I have been a good boy this whole year. Now, do i still get my Christmas prezzie?

This is not over. Our half-hearted efforts will pay off, i hope. So......... shall we create and witness the final miracle of 2009, together?

a stage

at least i heaved a sigh of relief. i handled it pretty decently at the start.

then i took 28 back home. that was the longest bus ride ever. it only hit me 30minutes into the journey that things have metamorphed.

i guess a new chapter is coming.

why cant i drink my smirnoff even then?
i'll learn. how to.
u deserve only the best.

i realise

i cannot control a lot of things
avoiding things wont make it go away.. sooner or later we still have to face the music.

i dunno whats up with both of us lately. its getting creepy and i just wanna settle things straight =s

thing is, i dont want my prophecy to come true. its gonna be kinda hard to accept but it still has to be in that way...

for the record, ty and i are not a couple. i'm surprised payco peeps are still suspecting it after sooo long -_-

and.... i got pangseh'ed. maybe because i am taken for granted or perhaps credibility is no longer more important. i was really boiling inside, but cant bear to let it explode outward. oh gosh why am i so like that.

snake snake go away

yes im irritated.

go away. sigh.

sometimes u have the ability to make me think that its my friggin fault.
its not.
i am what i am.

卖安逆宽啦 =(

eureka!

we have learnt that the first law of differentiation comes from the law of delta x by delta y.

having said, dy/dx applies only for a reeeaaaalllly small change.

ok that was random

Its gonna be a long post today, because i'm really all bottled up these days. i need a retreat

watched 'UP' via BluRay jus now. realised that it has a greater meaning behind the story; just as how Wizard of Oz came to be the story about the economy back then.

the dragging of the house, the adventure and the grooming of the new scout has everything to do with the society today. Russell once said that the wilderness is not like what his dad described it to be. It is in fact really wild; his dad feels that its easy because he has learnt the ropes far longer than Russell did. Go figure.


In this evening, I thought about how i'll do for my 2nd sem. 3 level2 subjects. and my 1st semester isn't that fantastic. Supposedly the best performing semester, I am unable to clinch an average of 90%. tough luck.

speaking of results, i'm quite surprised at how a particular individual can happily post on facebook status "i got 4HDs!!" and then feel sad about his results. well i am also in his situation, but i guess i do consider how others would feel about theirs and not publicly announce my perfect grading. some people commented that they only received 1 D or 2, and i wonder if he has the slightest idea that they are actually mocking him. afterall, he's just a 19yr-old malaysian prick who doesnt care about the feelings of others. oh. he happened to be the one that scored 99 for his macro during our mid-sems and also the one that OPENLY stole my recital concerto from me, and also the reason why i'm stopping attendance at the chinese ensemble in ANU. call me childish, call me over-reacting. I am a no-nonsense person. either the best, or nothing. nothing in the middle, nothing near best. If you're sly as a snake, you're out of my life.

All my friends know i stay up to 3am (4am if dst) for 2 reasons. 2 obvious ones. apparently, after this holiday i kinda feel as though the primary(or secondary. whatever) reason will die. i cant help but to think about the times im gonna go thru with Regression, FinanceMath, and Corporate Finance.
Its the most trying period. praying really hard. i've never ever ever been thru this before. so i'm gonna need all the luck, the well wishes, and the best prayers. not a test of faith; but a leap of faith.
Things will turn out fine. I will not hope for the best, for i will PLAN for the best. Afterall, i'm a thinker. Afterall, i'm that 30 in the 800. Afterall, i think i can think i can't; either way i'm right.



Jocelyn, I'm so sorry about just now regarding the course elective. I hope you understand what i'm going through. Didn't mean to snap at you so quickly just now. Its tough for me, for the issue affected me really a whole lot more than I expected. We're twins yah? Perhaps our threshold for those kind of nonsense is lower than most people's =s

I'm gonna think simple. I'm gonna have a tunnel vision. It's surprising to see how I can survive the treacherous week of torment but not 1 day of boredom. Good news will bode for me, and this will probably be the only positive thing being quixotic gives.

results are out

yup my results are out.

once again, i think i didn't do too well. though i've got a perfect score, i feel that it's insufficient for my scholarship.

maybe people will be cursing "wa lao eh. spoil market" or "wth i'd love to have those results" but it is obvious that our goals are different. 2 out of 500 students will be considered for that scholarship. do you think i'm the top 2 of the cohort when most of my friends would probably do better?

I was looking at an average well above 90. Apparently my expectations didnt carry me too far.

I dont know who i can talk to now. Its not about making me feel good. Its about relieving the tension.

I cant find the link anymore. ever since i came back. its more distant than I thought
hope you'll be fine soon.

incorrigible

its so different.

Liar Game:
"No. People SHOULD be doubted. Many people misunderstand this concept. Doubting people is simply a part of trying to get to know them. Trust; that act is without a doubt a noble one... But you know, what many people do, that they call 'trust' is actually giving up on trying to understand others. And that has nothing to do with trust, but is rather........ Apathy. There are countless people out there who fail to realize that apathy is a far more devastating act than doubting others. The true evil is..... becoming apathetic about other people."

-Akiyama

Controversial, i must say. So having trust in someone is a fault, and afterwhich understanding them and trusting them becomes apathy? Is this a cyclical effect? OR is this a vicious circle..?

I've done something pretty incredible this afternoon. I didn't expect to do it, and the end result? I got back a null matrix.

Peter once told me that letting someone know about you gives them the power to destroy you, or help you. apparently, this concept starts to sink in deeper than i thought.

Even after reading up on Advanced Game Theory, I am still unable to double guess my quarry's actions. Maybe this is why humans are humans; illogical, unrealistic, quixotic beings.

dilemma

omg sigh

went out wif leo and ws in the evening to eat stingray at clarke quay area. nice =)
advised a lot too =) thanks for the time guys.. haha but im in a fix.. I get different opinions. its pretty tough to decide now cos some people say i should wait, while you guys tell me to strike the iron while it's hot. I really dont know what to say cos both sides show adequate substantiation in their claims.

so... a dilemma sinks in.

question

have you ever wanted to rant about something, but you cant find the right person to rant to?

yup that was a simple, but lame excuse. u shouldnt have explained it

不闻不问

wow.. today's microecons paper was like a dream.

i'm hating myself because i wanna stab myself in the eye for identifying the KEYWORDS of "PERFECT-PRICE DISCRIMINATING MONOPOLY" but not being able to find out the "deadweight loss" due to externalities. 10marks; i am not hopeful to get 5 of it.

I spent an hour on that stupid 10 marks question just to figure the curves and stuff like that. At the end of the day, the answer was sitting right in front of me but i just cannot see it. I guess this separates me from the very best of the school. Getting top for my midsems was just a dream and a terrible joke played on me.

Ordinary good vs normal good. In the showers I argued with myself and realised that ordinary good can be inferior good as well. this is retarded. Substitution effect and Income effect is... =(

now 14 marks is gone. my glory is gone. give it back to me =(

I was expecting Game Theory to be harder than this. Then tada, textbook-answers. 14 marks. free. This is just lame. Just my luck. If only Game Theory was tested in a deeper level, I might have the confidence to lift my head up and say "oh yes I am a head above the rest"

Apparently, the most confident chapter in Microecons for me was merely a walk-over.

I'm being constantly reminded why I only got B for Econs in A levels. I have little aptitude for this subject. I'm glad i got a wake up call.

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.

What it means?

Guest Player:

It means that you have the adequate skills required for the orchestra to add value to the section.
It also means that when there are adversaries, you would handle it quickly.
This means you must have a good level of skill, possibly better than more than half of the section
This also means that you must be quick in sight-reading.

When i first guest played for payco, i practised the yunluo solo for changcheng in under 1 day. and then performed it perfectly.
when i first guest played for payco, i was thrown a xylophone solo and then i performed it adequately within 3 days of practise.
when i first guest played for payco, i took 2 practices to sightread everything that was thrown to me and delivered it to hs's expectations.
When i first guest played for payco, i guest played the percussion which is my 2nd instrument; i shouldn't even be adept in it.




You are now invited to guest play for payco. let's see. 5 out of 6 dizi players there trash you hands down. you have not been in touch for at least 2 years, and you have no idea what is in stall for you.
your sight reading sucks, and you dont have a shit about pitching.
your ass required lots of covering and be thankful xg was there to help you.


When you really take on this challenge, i sincerely wish you the best of luck. I will not be there to cover your ass, and I will not save you from making a fool of yourself. you have no idea. guest-player is not for fun, its a responsibility. so much for being 'responsible'.
even if hs ask me to cover for you or ask qinglun to arrange someone to cover for you, i WILL INSIST THAT YOU PRACTISE IT. oh rest assured, i'm pretty influential at least in the dizi section. my words do count at times too.

dont forget. its your responsibility. and if you fail to uphold that responsibility, i WILL shoot you down.

算了

i just proved that my dreams are the total opposite of reality.

好失败~~

End Sem

this semester is a really good semester. i have never enjoyed studying this much before; maybe because i'm like a freebird after 2 years of encagement.

I'm very lucky to have been under the tutelage of 2 professors. Chances of me getting Dr.Bronwen as my stats tutor is under 10%. and i actually got her! hahas.
i have done very well (i think) for the 2 papers. so hopefully I'd be able to have my lecturers as my tutors again next sem, well if they are of any correlation at all =s

i still have microecons paper to revise for next week, but it already feels as though exams are over. haha but that said, when i'm back home i also dun really know what to do. or how to do. lolz

i think i'll just try my best la. people get what they get, not get what they deserve. 'i deserve' is fiction.

tj.. big deal?

"you're from tj one leh. sure can lah"
"you're smart wad sure can la"
"u dun need study also can HD de la"
"u frm tj different. we frm xxxx must study"

WTF SERIOUSLY

i didnt do too well in tj, and tj is overrated in this place.
i also need to study. i also need to put in effort.
thank you for all your overwhelming "expectations", but i seriously am not fit to be basking in the glory of tj.
slightly more than 1 in 3 students scored at least 3As in tjc for my year. unfortunately, i am not in the top 35% of the cohort.

that means if i were to sit in between two other tjcians, there is a 55.555% chance that when i turn my head and ask what he/she got for A levels, he/she would own me hands-down. that is more than half the time man.

stop giving me tall hats that i cannot fit my head in.

if i cannot take Stat2001 and math1115 concurrently as what Dr Steve Stern has said, then whats the point of me scoring A for Furthermaths in TJC? like how pencil markings are so afraid of the presence of erasers, i just dont want my achievements to be forgotten. well, more than half of it is lost. don't rub it away when i need that last achievement the most - the only result that i take pride in.

the longer i study for my exams, the more i feel i'll let tj down =(

as much as i want to be neji, i don't have his capacity to be him.

pretendence

you are stupid. and disgusting.

Taojun says:

that day saw xxxxxxx he said yandeng's nick always full of stress
dun dare to talk to u

`[y]andeng = [90%] legendary says:

aiyo pls
i dun even haf him on msn
or facebook
what he toking sia

i dislike you. and don't pretend that you're "okay" with me. because we leave you out for a reason. for 3 years.

you're just gross. don't try to integrate. and you're stupid.

only left

never right. i dont know how to vent my frustrations. sleep works.

bliss.
never known until..

macroeconmics sux

yes it sux. i lost 20marks. for free. i got free fragged.

first, i didnt go to lectures after the midsems because our lecturer wasn't too appropriate in his flow of thoughts during his lecture. next, he said that LECTURES WERE OPTIONAL. guess what? 3 questions that were out of context came out

1) what the fark is "real balance" [12marks]
2) what the fark is "dollarization" [3marks] and "partial dollarization" [3 marks]

see, real balance wasn't in the textbook nor was it in the lecture notes. and dollarization was only briefly brought up in lecture (that i went but didnt write down because i felt that it was crap i.e. not related to the topic he was on). I could only crap so much from memory and i think i would have lost those marks any way.

The point is, he said from the start that lectures were optional, and now he places his crap from lectures into our paper. so is it optional or not?!

next, he wants us to explain fully and treat his markers like kids. it's like

"Solve x + 5 = 10. solve for x. Explain fully. [10marks]"

u are 1) required to show step by step working and 2) derive why 1+1 = 2.
all these in 10minutes. when you can just solve for x in 5 seconds.

so is that the way you want undergraduates to get marked? come on, it's intuitive that 1+1 =2. there's really no need for you to test us on that. besides, if you really want to differentiate the best from the flock, u could just pose mathematically challenging questions, or open-ended questions with no absolute answers. what the hell is wrong with you trying to differentiate the best by splittign the "intuitive" and the "non-commonsensical" people? what's the use? we are undergrads. not 3 year-olds.

first, the solow's model. now this. if you really want to test our foundation, just ask us to derive your bloody equations and we'll probably be more willing to do that than to crap about something out of context. retarded.

when i get back my results, i'll see it with the max score of >80<. this is just plain stupid.

simply complex

I used to be great in complex numbers. any questions are just answered in the snap of my fingers.
i always like the oxymoronic phrase of "the topic on complex is simple."

but i got stumped by 1 question. sigh i'm really not as almighty as i think i am.

confucious say

why do people always like to complicate simple things?
the signals are really complicated
it's really simple, but because of the complication, i get confused.
because we think too much
because i think too much
And i realise that everything i do makes some people happy and some people sad
i should just stop trying to please everyone


Was studying today. well, discussing. the more i discuss, the more unprepared i feel. malaysians are smart. singaporeans are hardworking. i'm slap in between - neither smart nor hardworking. i'm always distracted by stuff. stupid.stuff.
I should be alone. I should be concentrating. I should be getting my glory back.

i only have 4 days to finish up stats and finance. oh lord give me a miracle.
not just a miracle for that. for her too.

audio

the only way to relieve myself and concentrate on my work is by blasting music - loud music thru my ears via earphones.

This is like morphines; the concentration level i get is spectacular, but it hurts my body as the amount increases.

so screwed.

I know i'm screwed when:

I cannot explain why a fall in NX leads to lower interest rates
I cannot explain why an increase in Net Foreign Investment lead to higher interest rates and inflation
The theory of Net Capital Outflow cannot come to me in a snap of my fingers
I dont know if loanable funds theory applies to Open economy concepts
I cannot draw the curves of NCO and crap
I panic over derivations of the Open Economy topics
I panic over derivations of the Money topics
I havent touched inflation, growth.
I have got no idea on MV = PY and Fishers' effect

5 days before MIDSEM, i had already read the notes twice. inside out. and is bursting with confidence but when ENDSEM is in 5 days and I'm still catching up and not re-reading, I know 90 is impossible.

This is just Macroeconomics. Wait til i rant about Statistics and Microeconomics. And finance.

This isn't helping when................ also........... sigh =(
at times when i need your support, where are you?

stupid

now i am forced to take a double degree. otherwise i will FAIL Actuarial. stupid Stat2001 has to be in 1st sem 2010. if it were to be in sem2 2010, there wouldn't be so much problems.

and now i have to take a second degree to even the workload out. otherwise i will really fail my degree. if only stat2001 wasnt the pre-req to more than HALF of my course. stupid. spit.

now im stuck with either Bach of Stats or Bach of Finance as a 2nd degree. what's worse? i dont like either of them. i can't get Bach.Sci(Maths) because of some stupid reason.

why can't i get what i like. i havent been getting what i want since God knows when.

raaarrrr

i feel like an idiot. stupid.
cos i found out the cause of the pain.
even my daydreams become nightmare now.
what the hell. i hate this.
whoever said that your capacity to love is as much as your capacity to hate, is a moron.

Expected

"The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives"

I knew i screwed up my tutorial test, and i was expecting to lose 25 marks off the unattempted question. well, i received my test paper and my tutor scaled the marks down. I lost 23.5 marks instead.

exam's in 2 weeks. dont expect myself to be in the condition i was back in mid sems. dont expect myself to top this and that again. quite tired :S

i cant do this alone.

ty, vvm

this is a rare occurrence that i myself dont wanna bring it up. but....

THANK YOU SAF.

i was reading up on my econs this evening, and then i related the economic ideas to the Armed Forces. i instantly understood what the author was bringing across. this is real. this is life.

that said, i now see the value of internships; it gives an individual exposure that may come in handy the next time we face adversaries. for this, i'm thankful to the SAF. however that doesn't mean i advocate their system and structure. I'm trying to be optimistic, for once. looking on the bright(er) side.

aniway, my momentum is broken. i missed tutorials and lectures on purpose last week. shan't give lame excuses like "oh shit happened" or "oh i overslept". i jolly well knew it was on purpose. and i don't know why. seems like my life halted for some stuff. shouldnt be the way. jocelyn also (very recently) have been ending all our msn convos with "study hard"s and "sleep early"s.

an update: i'm officially 4 chapters behind macroeconomics, 2 chapters behind microecons, 1 chapter behind statistics, and 1 chapter behind finance. i still have 3 weeks before my end sem kicks in. and 2 weeks before my stats assignment is due. but i'm still watching House, Grey and Numb3rs. on a regular basis. HAHA. okay shit. i need some sense of urgency.

xxxxx dreamy land xxxxx


on the brighter side, i'm coming home in about a month!!! =) time really flies. and this strongly correlates positively with "how time flies when you are enjoying it". i love stats. i love econs. i love finance. i love my life. woohooo.


xxxxx back to reality xxxxx

okay apparently this isn't enough =( need chocs =( nao.

i also need a more powerful brain so that i can be labeled a genius and work my way thru the exams. i just screwed up my macro tutorial test. RAWR.

why didn't i wish for that in my 21st? instead i wished for something that can never possibly happen. rationalize me, for i'm the square root of 3 =(

Who doesn't?

It's ALWAYS like that. the human race is always like that. regardless of who, when you are of no value to one person, you're brought down to pit-bottom of the priority list.

I'll take flight when I still haf that value. At least the people involved will remember me dearly for that.

nuff said

is it really so hard to please everyone?

In Singapore i've been trying my best to make everyone happy. All the way back since i ran for President. Now in Canberra i too, face the same dilemma. What's worse? I was caught in the splash because i innocuously waltz pass a conversation. i sincerely hope that this is not a prelude of repeated events.

I think i overdid some stuff. shouldn't have sent it afterall, should i?

>.<

besides.. the adverbs and adjectives dont matter. its the verb that kills.

model student

out of 4 lectures in first 2 days of school, i missed all four of it.
some things are just unfair.
wow.
i think and read into things too much

bad day lah

first day of school. not a good way to start off the rest of the semester =s

argh.. bad day. missed stats lecture this morning on purpose, because i didn't want to bring my laptop to school for just 1 single lecture that i know is useless. my stats lecturer kinda sucks at lectures, pretty good in tuts though.

finance class was boring. got back 2 quizzes and my hotstreak was broken =( blahh

Stats class was worse. i dont think i'll be using minitab at all except for assignments. Rawrs.

and then at 4pm i wanted to go get lunchbox cos i was lazy to cook. all sold out. darn. so i went back to fix my own dinner. and for that i decided to indulge myself with stir fried black pepper chicken marinated with sesame oil, dark and light soya sauce. with rice. lolz. dinner was good la.

ensemble prac sux lah. i dunno why i even brought my flutes here for this. arrghh its gross. i dont even bother to play my best now. this is detrimental, and the stupid incident just sux la. this is dumb.

and when i got back to finally start studying, i realised that game theory is over. it's now Assymetric Information. this means i'm 2 lectures behind. SHIT. sian. speaking of econs, i just found out who got 99 for macroecons. makes my 96 look stupid. and makes the paper look like crap. i'm really not ready for this. at all.

this really isn't helping when some particular thing recurrs more than once.. really not helping. can my panacea just give me my vicodin....?

bygones

let daydreams be daydreams. let it stay that way, so it can always be sweet every time i dream of it

removed all of it =(

460* of them.
very reluctant to, but still =(

24hours

and counting...

ARRGHHH

it cracked =( it's been with me for more than 7 years already.. finally gave way in this cold, dry temperate. sux man. nothing's going right.

i kinda wonder if i'm taking the right path down now. gonna switch to a double degree... should i? Science (maj in math) and actuary sounds tough. yah but there are many overlapping mods too.... so.... sighh tough decision to make lahs =(

oh and... i was re-watching Artificial Intelligence featuring that Sixth Sense kid. I wonder if it is ever fair for humans to commission a robot to love them wholeheartedly, only to have its mother forsake that poor kid in the middle of the woods. All he ever wanted in the end was to spend one birthday with the person he loves most. how sad.
The creator was warned about the moral issue; what responsibility does the human have to take when the mecha loves that human forever?

When an adult shatters the dream of a little boy:

"I am special, and.. unique! Because there has never been anyone like me before. Ever. Mommy loves Martin because he's real, and when i am real, Mommy's going to read to me and tug me in my bed and sing to me and listen to what i say and she will cuddle with me and tell me everyday a hundred times a day that she loves me!"

A short pause startled between both of them, and then he slowly explained......

"She loves what you do for her, as my customers love what it is that I do for them. But she does not love you, David, she cannot love you. You are neither flesh nor blood, you are not a dog or a cat or a canary. You, are designed and built specific like the rest of us......."



This sucks. I still am not starting on Regression :S 1 more week til school reopens..... >.<

oh and.... I still wonder if i should go all the way. bad times, bad tellings, bad whatever. arghhh

zzzzzzzz

im actually a bit tired >.< but why am i still awake helping u sort stuff =S
bought 2 books from Kino in Sydney.. almost finished 1 of the book on the bus ride back to cbr. Dan Brown's book is waiting for me to finish by the end of the week :S hahas so many things to do !

my past 3 days have been wonderful.. didnt feel such a euphoria for some time liao. hopefully i can get what i've always wanted, and what others always wanted.. should i see it as a sudden twist of fate?

WEATHER SUX

It's spring now.. but the sandstorm that was stirred up by the deserts in central aus killed the warmth i was expecting. And i thought it would be a perfect opportunity for me to do what i like, it seems that i have to cast it to a halt. Breathing out smoke on a 4degrees NOON sucks.

aniway, i'm heading over to SYDNEY TOMORROW!!!! yes yes yes :D hope that weather will be better during the time i'm away.

My mid sem break will be freaking busy. gonna be miserable again -__-

snapping out

this is the fastest recovery i've ever had. thanks bitch for listening on to my rants

but.. regardless, i'm still better off compared to n-time ago. i'll still continue; for regrets aren't what i want to have after i ORD. it's a new life. not in ANU, not in Canberra, but at the end of my NS. I am living my new life, and thats why i'm better off. everything is better off. effectively, things are better now.

stay focused yandeng! =)

disappointment II

i'm a fucking retard. after all those times, im still parading round and round.

hopes are dashed.

in the end

I succumbed to habits. It's 4am. wth am i doing up so late. i told myself that i'd sleep at 1.30am latest.

Even if i'm a tool, I wanna be a happy fool.

aiisshhh

test test test test test.. non stop. now if i flunk one, my previous efforts will go down the drain.
if you were really just using me
Finance is quite a mind bugger, but at least i sorted it out fast. nt too tough when i dont hesitate on pinning multiple hypothesis on the derivations of those formulae. love what and how FM taught me.
i'll leave you forever.
GY told me something shocking just now. feels as though it's true. maybe its time i put on my specs. contact lenses kill.

dimwit

I may be stupid, but i'm not an idiot.
are you just saying for the sake of saying it
just had some bad dreams abt quarreling wif a fren. seems like it does reflect what im suppressing in my waking life.
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get return. (suddenly got addicted to this song)
i guess its really pretty hard to spend 5cents
and stop trying to pit yourself against me. i'm just not a 'high achiever' as you are. i do what is enough.

yeah im just stupid, if that makes you happy.

nice

Thanks rannald.

Lord Edward X. is it love that frightens me or the reminders of mortality when love cometh? says:
if you spend your whole life making others happy

Lord Edward X. is it love that frightens me or the reminders of mortality when love cometh? says:
whose gonna make u happy?


Lord Edward X. is it love that frightens me or the reminders of mortality when love cometh? says:
heh. as obtuse as i sound
the only thing u have to fear is fear itself



The vast difference between one who studies in ANU and one who studies in Oxford.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


aniway.. i just got back my macro econs mid sem results.. got 96.. my results just make the papers look simple. no doubt i won't say that it's tough, but well..... the nominal results i received so far just inflates the value of scoring above 90........ and sort of hides the real meaning behind evrything. am i working too hard for something thats so easily taken down by "oh the paper wasn't too hard"

Irritated? not?

When life gets too good, it is too good to be true. I'm too used to leading life the hard way. So when things improve for once, I feel abnormally weird. It's unduly pathetic to have this pessimism in me.

Maintaining a 90% average is my goal, but it's getting harder by the day, by the hour. Is it quixotic to have such an aim? Midsems just ended. Except for macro (which i havent got back), I'm still keeping my head above the 90% mark for my subjects inclusive of the quizzes and lecture tests. For one, blogging at 5am is unhealthy. Nope, not a fan of weekly alcohol dosage, but I'm kinda like an addict in my books and notes. At least I finished what i set out to do for the day.
Topping the level now seem possible. Will i be able to create that miracle?
Signs are turning but i guess i'm reading too much into it. It was probably an innocuous remark.

Ahh~ I'm getting a new phone soon (signing a new mobile contract woohoo~).

i want my CBE Merit Scholarship BACK!!~~

Ups and Downs

MicroEconomics:

The mid-semester exams have been graded. You can check your grade on the Grades page. The solution has been posted on the Quizzes and Exams page.

The statistics of the exam grades are as follows:

Average score: 57
Standard deviation: 19
Highest score: 93
Lowest score: 14




But this was for finance.... :

u4638995 10 10 10 10 16

isn't good at all. sucks man. why did i make that careless mistake =( will it be another mistake NOT to redeem this? should i throw all my eggs into the last basket of my end-sem exam and make sure i score above 90? it's all so hard :S

Expect?

Got back my mid sem microecons results today.. missed first 15min of lecture (cos i overslept) and found out i gt 93% for my exam. wasn't too happy at first, cos i somehow knew that 100% was totally possible. subsequently went to shop for groceries with hongseng for our get-together dinner session with jocelyn in the evening~.. heard from him that prof chen said the highest this time was 93. so effectively i topped the level? was spastically elated over hearing that. i really didn't expect it at all.
BUT~~~~
That's what he said la.. maybe he heard wrongly. perhaps 94 is the highest. maybe 93. but as much as I am concerned, if i don't know it myself i don't kinda trust hearsays.

*Edit: Just checked my student portal and 93 is indeed the highest mark. sigh.. why am i having mixed emotions now?

The most always come when I don't expect it. Maybe i should lower my expectations and therefore lead a happier life with more optimal outcomes.
if only you could be here with me to share this joy

Pitfalls against

"Consumers commonly commit the following three mistakes when making decisions.
1) They take into account monetary costs but ignore non-monetary opportunity costs
2) They fail to ignore sunk costs and,
3) They are overly optimistic about their future behavior.


Studies have shown that majority of the adults in Australia are overweight. Why do many people choose to eat too much? One possibility is that they receive more utility from eating too much than they would from being thin. However, it is more likely that they eat a lot today because they expect to eat less tomorrow. People are overvaluing the utility from current choices and undervaluing the utility to be received in the future from being thin.

In the long run, you would like to be thin but each day you make decisions to eat too much and are not consistent with this long-run goal. Because you are unrealistic about your future behavior, you underestimate the cost of choices that you make today. A key way of avoiding this problem is to be realistic about your future behavior."


this is logic. this is realism. this is the world. why can't the world be less cruel

Think about Yesterday

Oh gosh.. what have i done =(

It's all come crashing down

Tangent Yields

My papers are over. Finance was not well attempted. Lost marks for stupid things like forgetting dividends are conventionally issued yearly. GARHH! Micro and Macro was still quite ok.. Hopefully I can score well for those =S Never did well for Econs in JC.. crossin my fingers now.

Rushing through my stats assignment and also keeping up on track with lectures and tutorials (yes i've missed some lectures in the past week), it doesn't feel like mid-sem is over. In fact a storm is brewing and we're just in its eye -.-

Getting perfect score of HDs seem to be quite tough. It is, however, more attainable than the moon.

The more i think about it the more i think it's impossible. So i'll just not think about it and barge blindly!

Some stuff became quite irregular lately. I just hope things would get better after 20th. I need chocolates =( nao.

competition

ANU OpenDay perf over liaos. didn't feel that i was up to my usual standard la. entertaining can liaos.

aniway, western flute profs from School of Music was quite taken aback by my perf. maybe i chose the right repertoire. On the way out, i was greeted with many thanks and probably most of them were impressed.

"彦登, 你有没有看到刚刚那两位western flute professors的表情? 他们简直都看傻了眼.. 而且他们又对flute ensemble的人说 'that flute soloist was impressive. we're not too bad either!' 可见他们对你的评价很不错哦!" -儒貴

subsequently people started talking to me asking the usual "how-long-have-i-learnt" questions and "which-part-of-CHINA-do-i-come-from" questions.
As a normal human, I would of course feel ecstatic and very much flattered receiving such positive feedback..

-BUT-

After i got home, i thought a bit more in the showers, and realised that the world is too huge for me. my performance was just mediocre and feedbacks were crazily overrated. They probably didn't see the likes of Rit before. The sheer comparison with him just brings me down to nothing. In fact this made me feel worse; a mediocre performance can give raise to such overwhelming response isn't soothing.

perhaps they haven't seen the real authentic skillz. perhaps. perhaps.

I don't think i have the ability to impress.
Even if i did...
I'm not worth your cheers.

S for....

I'm Superman in the making, but knowing that I will never be one deflates and inflates my motivation sinusoidally.

If only I was really Superman, I would........
be my lois lane.
Sometimes u just say for the sake of saying it? i wont know either.

whatever makes me happy la

Get that load off my head..

I can't sleep =(

我应觉得幸运（那并不是幸福）
等到其一之要点
但那又还能如何？

RAARRR lessons start in 4hours' time -.-
wru =(

Beautiful~

It's a sunny sunday afternoon today! the weather's great and the mood is good =D sky is clear, clouds are sparse it feels as though the entire country is air-conditioned! It's prevalent that Spring is near, cos flowers are starting to bloom and leaves are turning green. How bizarre that my mood kinda changes according to weather :S
wish you were here.

Grey's Anatomy

“Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”

-Meredith Grey

That's why I'm addicted to TV Shows now.

Dreams

Dreams do come true.
I have helped people forge their dreams and work it out.
I have helped them realise their dreams and expand their potential
I have helped people attain their goals that they think might seem all so impossible
At the end of the day, who will be there to help me make my dream come true?

Numbers

It's sometimes disappointing to know that when you apply statistics to reality, it speaks for itself.

What happened to the mission to apply math to the real world.. I wish I was Charles Eppes

Temporary Struggles

Good times are approaching when bad times befall, but we all know that the worst has yet to come *sigh*

I had 3 consecutive-sleepless nights just to handle a sudden in-flux of workload. A lecture test worth a tenth of my final exam, statistics questions that dampen my confidence in my Mathematical abilities, and Economics that I dread since A levels.

It is scary to know, that despite getting maximum marks one can attain for a quiz, my percentile is STILL below 90th. I should stop all the comparing and competition, because I probably will fall out of line even before the end-semester exams.

The past week was a disaster. Judgment blinded by rage and disappointment. Relac lah~ everything will go according to plan, and hopefully turn out positive! :D
It is often easier to believe in logic and reality than to put faith into something intangible.
Oh and, it is as if someone got eyes and ears spying on me :s
I can't seem to carry out my operations. Seems like a sign.

Oh and uhmm... you'll probably never read this... hahas but.. Get well soon kae!~=)

144hours

failed.

what's missing?

I'm in my favorite continent
I'm doing my favorite subject
I'm enjoying good accommodation
I'm in the best university of the 2 continents

but whats missing?

Simple or Tough

when giving up is tougher than pressing on, what should i do? take the easy way out? or lead a hard life (like i always do)

Catch22. oh gosh.

PUNCHline

ever had something on your mind for so long, and find that it just cannot go away? no matter how much you do, it sticks.

had a really busy day today.. went for lects, then rushed out my microecons tuts cos i didn't know the tutorials were uploaded, and then settled my fees, bills, bank card, and then went out to study for 4 hours in the library. all these event happened without a break.

but something still sticks.

can you get it out of my head !

Only one.

No present could ever bring more joy to open than the one filled with your smile

Everytime you cross my mind, i think how lucky i am to have you as my special friend

-Winnie the Pooh

Really?

my day in canberra is full of ups and downs. i tink i'll need to do serious $ planning.. otherwise i'll be in huge debt. These things really bog me down. i really cant concentrate if i dun settle dem fast.

aniway... i'm confused. or is it a discovery. cos just by talking to you, all my troubles seem so far away! yea. talking to 3 other ppl at the same time doesn't seem to carry the same effect as jus talkin to u. i wonder...

anyway, i love the Neji,Hinata,Naruto drawin. a lot. thanks =)


awesome stuff!

I believe~

Was watching Japan, Korean Potpourri 2006 the other day at Marine Parade Library. Samuel sang "I believe" and i thought it was quite a good rendition. went back to listen to the song again, and wow hahas.... like it in a different way now!

不知道在高兴什么
你的笑容 有时候也宁可当作你在为我加油
不知道在妄想什么
只告诉自己I Believe你总会看到我
在一切之后 留在你身边的是我 
只告诉自己I Believe一定会有结果 
在很久以后 留在你身边的是我 
会陪著你的人是我

Dee Pahh Cher

I'm burning all my CDs into music, packing my clothes into my bags, and imagining how life would be over there. Now this is tough. Since Sec3 I have been very clear of my goals, and have major events planned properly. I foresaw myself in either HCJC or TJC, army, and the NTU. oh wells. what a huge turn of events! I don't know what to expect in ANU!

There're still things that aren't supple enough. Watch and focus. Otherwise It'll be Touch and Go.

MY GOODNESS.

I cannot blame Him for making the events like that now. It is fated, but this glimmer before i depart is too much for me to take.

Maybe miracles do happen. My VISA will be here in a jiffy. That's the last thing i'm worrying about now.







Promise.

Old Song!

super old super nice~~
the bridge is best!!
當你為了我和他而猶彌
我不該只等待你做決定
如果任性
那麼一次把你抱緊
也許不會失去你

Disappointment

Sighh why am I always doing things the tougher way?

Sec1, I needed to cancel my Academic Offer from Maris just to go to ChungChengHigh... then subsequently cancelled le, realise i dun wan cchs, so i went back mshs to beg for acceptance.

Sec2, I had to appeal for Special Stream because my HCL marks didnt make it. As if Cross-talking competitions (XiangSheng) didn't show how adept i was in that language -.-

Sec3, I ran for Chairperson and it wasnt smooth.

Sec4, I had to make the tough decision of sacking CO Conductor and getting another one, at the same time getting our inaugural concert up, plus O levels, plus YY case, plus ...... plus.... plus..

JC 1, I ran for Chairperson again and really was the worst nightmare.

JC2, I had to handle so much work-relation shits and was never easy

Army, dun nd say le.

Now come uni application? Accomodation, VISA, and even UNI ADMISSION they can cock up timing. what the heck -.- my frens all did it smoothly. i'm the only idiot that did everything the hard way. WHY SO MANY OBSTACLES!


Funniest thing is..... it didn't cross my mind to even approach u when i'm vexed. maybe i dun wanna bother you... or maybe you just cant be bothered.

Can? Pretty Please?

Heard this song on Channel 51 the other day and really liked it. Best LuXueRui's song i think!

Sigh anyway, so many things happened..... my accommodation cocked up. my visa cocked up. my everything cocked up lah!

Spoke to Vera the other day on msn. she kept saying that i keep everything to myself and stuff like that. true, but it's just a way to protect everyone else around me? I don't want to spread my negativity, you all understand ma? If you are the right person, i'll tell u de. If you're my good friend, I'll let you know my problems de. It's not fair for just a someone else to know my problems and expect them to solve for me. I want to spread goodness. I want to be positive so that you all can be positive together with me, so that you all can be happy together with me. It just so happens that some idiot took advantage of it, and just destroys the harmony in 2005 December. It doesn't matter if you all misunderstand me, cos if you all do, u all aren't really "understanding" me and you're not someone that matter anyway. STay out of my life. I don't need to spread my positivity to you ppl. this includes ppl i dread now.

I guess only my best friends know who and how I really function. Are you one of them?

Anyway, I surprised my meimei today and she was pleasantly shocked =) hahaha paper today nt very smooth nevermind lah, most important is stay happy kae =) it's as though fate wants you to "receive" the surprise note today. hahas! so funny

jiayou :D

I is feels stupid

So many things happened lately. Especially regarding my Visa, air ticket and accommodation!

Visa:
I couldn't apply for it online because of the "You must be outside of Australia to be able to use this service" error message. I went to the Australian High Commission and they realise that the Brisbane Airport didn't check me out properly the last time i went in 2000. So when this issue was finally resolved, I only have 2 weeks left in Singapore. Guess what? They require 14 working days to process my Visa. I'll miss ANU orientation. Freaking dead lah.

Accommodation:
Uni lodge didn't "receive" my ANU Acceptance. I accepted it since Mid May and now then they tell me their problem. What the heck? So if I don't get the place i want, i gonna bang table, really. They better don't send me to bruce hall or i will keel them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the end of the day it's my choice. I am someone who needs constant affirmation, but this time no one knows what I'm going through. My decision was set final. Don't think i'll tink too much hahas! Yeah, I'll trust myself.

Anyways, blogging on new laptop with ATI HD3450 gfx card is the eyez shuangz. huge screen and good resolution. I love my Elitebook 6930p despite some technical difference to my PC. Thanks bohan! =)


I'll never want to forget this feeling.

距离

距离是你走过我身边
nice~~ =)

Help you!

I really shouldn't be too concerned about what others think about me la. I know what i did was right, and i know my focus is also right. I made a gamble, a logical gamble and won with crazy rewards. Maybe this is enough to keep me going.

anyway, i think i hurt a few people lately. but i srsly dont care. i always believed karma acting on me, and i think its my payback time. so many years i've been on the receiving end. this time its my turn.

that said, i'm still open with my option (note the singularity) and will stay afloat. or rather, i'm quite adamant on my decision le. i sincerely apologise to everyone else but that's my choice.



i'm gonna be a typical singaporean and wait for things to happen =P

to those who know:
"we all know what thing i'm waiting for to happen haha =)"

lethargic

I'm so tired but i still have to do the stupid bbq.

zzzz

2009 June Camp

I'm back~ haha from a super fun camp. Looking at the J1s, it reminded me of myself playing in 2005. Looking at the J2s, it reminded me of myself planning in 2006. Looking at myself, it reminded me of the meaning of FUN =) I enjoy it best this year. It may be because I'm enjoying it as a senior, or because of the organising committee, or because of my interaction level, i don't care. What matters is that..... these memories will never leave me ever. 2.5hours of sleep in 3 days.. makes this whole 3 days feel as though it's just 1 =) I love it.

I think i'm pretty governed by my emotions. There are some things i got reminded of when i saw their husting, saw their discussion of certain committee post, and it just came into me instinctively that I should be supporting the decisions of seryang. I shouldn't have intruded so much and i felt really bad for arguing so much, but the fact is that i can't just sit there to do nothing when the discussion was heading towards neverland. I'm an alumni that probably don't know the candidate as well as they do, but the uncertainties of that particular candidate may have levelled my argument footing with the rest. Which means in the case where the opposition's stand prophecise, we fail. At the end of the day, I am trying very hard to make up for my failed decisions on 2006. This new comm will be my resolve.

The kids are really nice. after the discussion i apologised for intruding too much into that episode. They instantly soothed me. Thanks guys =)

I'm worried about the impression that they have on me. I am afraid that that impression might suay their decisions. My words will definitely have an impact, and I wonder whether my gamble on that candidate is a sound one. I derive comfort that at least seryang and tanyin feels strongly in unity with me, together with kahchin and weiting. I think it should be fine ba :D
On the otherhand, if the gamble is lost, it will be a face-smashing failure. sigh.

Anyway, hustings is so very calm this year. Only Reginald got shot down, but cos he was running for President. When i ran for President, i got shot down pretty harshly too. Too tame this year.
I got quite direct and told him straight in the face that he is very very inexperienced and his goals were very very very unrealistic. I even harshly added, "all the year1s probably don't share the same goals as you do". None of the J1s dared to speak up for him after everything because I intended it so. Shit.... my sinister moves are getting really scary. Even I am scared of what I did =(
Conclusion with past cases: If you are the only one running for President, you will not get it. Run for something else and you would stand a higher chance to be considered for Presidency. Politics... Politics.

This will be the last time I ever see this door. I don't think I'll be back in the near future. 4 years later when I'm back, it won't be the same. Unless more people joins in the fun, I probably wont be able to dedicate so much effort into this. When I'm back, I'd be long forgotten and the new kids will be stunned to hear that I'm 8 years older. Knowing that I won't be back, it really pains me to walk away. To walk away from that all familiar door, all familiar instruments, all familiar smell.

packing up before moving off~

So empty......

jiayou!!! to the new comm!

on the way out...... i see the familiar windows and noticeboard.........

Sighh.. Just as I was about to step off the stretch of walkway, something in me tells me that I'll never come back ever =( I looked back, took a last glimpse of how it really looks like, and moved on.
I'll never see you all again, I'll never perform with you all euphorically again. The emotional bonds will cease to forge. This is my last walk. I'm going off already. Miss me kae =)


临走前，回头一望
那一段小路竟有如此激烈的回忆
脑里的快乐画面涛涛地浮现起来
心里的忧伤情感无助地游漏出来
我知道自己永远无法重温那３天
我也知道时间不会倒转至零９年
但是朋友们，
我会把我们共同拥有的回忆
一直保留着
希望重逢
那一刻
实现

Expectations

I recently realised that some people who i extended my helping hand to, are disappearing or becoming non-existent in my life. Spending time and effort seems like useless on them. Not that i want to receive any reciprocation, but if i can focus my energy and streamline it down to those that matter, would i start losing them in turn? That better not happen cos I feel a drift with a certain someone(s) already

Saturday, June 6
You may have an opportunity to grow and prosper as a result of a disappointment today. If a friend lets you down, ask what you are learning from the experience. If the answer eludes you, the keywords are "patience", "acceptance" and "tolerance".

i don't quite believe too much in such "predictions" but i guess, yeah. it fits the frustration perfectly.

patience in that person, acceptance for the reason that person could have, and tolerance for what that person did. SO FRUSTRATING! is it cos of expectations? =(

Childish!

Today went to bball with andre @ Bishan court opp Catholic High. Met at 12.30pm (but he was late -.-) then played til about 5pm when all the ginnas start rushing down. AND I DO MEAN GINNAS!!

4 balls flying around in the half-court, and it's quite messy liao.. those ginnas still trying to bully some plump unknown penguin kid.. true that the kid is quite irritating but that doesn't warrant a reason to bully. if they think they pro, can challenge. think without andre i also good enough to trash them.

had subway for dinner at 7 and then went home on 155. this fat small boy was taking the middle seat at the back, and when i moved over, i had to freaking tell him to move one side because i wanna sit inside. so here goes:

[x] [ ] [F] [O] [T]
[twin] ---- [twin]

Normally in a bus, the back seat is for 5 people. i wanted the O seat. cos the x seat is taken by some laozharborh. I assumed the (omg why so many fat people) fat middle age guy is a better choice to sit with. I sat at the O seat then. this FAT KID dun even have the brains to SHIFT to his right a bit cos it was already so squeezy. tmd i wanna punch him.
then worse still, the one taking the "T" is a typical AH TIONG who likes to SWITCH ON THEIR FREAKING MP3 PLAYER to FULL BLAST with their AMPLIFIER. so i had the first hand taste of his CHEENA songs that i myself never heard before. Oh i knew one; that's 路边的野花你不要采 with some irritating cheena background. You know those traditional chinese music PLUS KEYBOARD tuned to some squeeky tone like those getai's? yeah. THAT is irritating. THAT is NOT fusion. and that, is a INSULT to Chinese Traditional music.

I'm not done yet. with my lethargy clinging tightly on me, I just attempt to take a nap. WA LAO the fat kid beside me KEEP BOUNCING TO THE FREAKING MUSIC. irritating to the max la.

That fat middle age AH TIONG alighted at Joo Seng. To 'punish' him i pretended not to react when he tapped my shoulders cos he wanted to go out. In bball i am used to boxing people out of the under-net. I should be capable of boxing him in. but i was kind enough. so he left and i took his seat beside the window to continue my sleep. THEN THIS SMALL FAT KID (i know oxymoron) had this brochure on his hand.. so he turned it into a "loud hailer" and point it at me and try to say "hello". WTF I FELT LIKE PUNCHING HIM LA. I GAVE HIM THE DEATH STARE... and he got quite scared. went back to sleep, 5 seconds later, i hear a familiar hello again.

He was lucky he alighted 2 stops after that ah tiong. otherwise i'll be throwing more death stares.. and probably crack my knuckles just to chill him to the bones.

KIDS THESE DAYS need to be taught more strictly. MANNERS and LOGIC should be imparted at an earlier age.
IMPORTED AH TIONG THESE DAYS should learn some manners. this is not your village where you are 20miles away from your neighbour without a TELEPHONE

SHEESH!

小时候

我们小时候的单纯，小时候的简单想法
有没有办法再从来一次
小时候，常常望着窗外的天空
幻想长大以后能实现从前作过的美梦
长大后发现世界真的不同

从前从前，我以为快快长大是件好事
没想到我既然最想回到小时候
可是回到从前，还是一个人长大

这场田径赛根本没有输赢；１个第一算什么

Sober

Do i truly know what i want? What sense do i make? My extrapolated thoughts just run wild. Geez. you're almost 21. use your head la!

anyway, my heart melted. maybe it's meant to be that way, because i once thought i would have had no worries before departure. now this.... I don't have a reason to blame God for what He has bestowed upon me; new friendships, new kinship.






i also received a card with many well wishes. and yes you've guessed it. I'm going to write it all out.

with a chip and dale sticker affixed on top of it, that just amplifies how much effort the juniors put in for everything.

"yandeng: 谢谢你，这段时间对我的指导，在你的悉心教导下，我的演奏水平有了巨大的提高，真的很感谢你，祝你的大学生活一帆风顺，记得常回来呀！"
Duanrui's handwriting is beautiful. He has always been working very hard. His perseverance is very commendable; regardless of how strict and forthcoming i was about his techniques, he always just practise harder.

"Yo! thanks a lot for helping us all these time! :) you've realli helped us improve alot esp for syf! :D i can say nth else but thank you again! hahaz :D"
Tanyin ah tanyin.. what else can i say too? it's between us :D

"Hey! thanks for your guidance and encouragement all this while. All the best!"
Zhenwei tried hard. We could have gotten to know each other better :D

"Hi Yandeng! Thanks for your guidance all along so patiently! My 音色 have improved. Yup, had fun during sectionals! =) Best wishes for your future! 加油! =)"
Jiemin has the most potential amongst them all. If only you could continue dizi to mine it out.

"Hi Yandeng! Thanks for the effort that you have done in teaching me and being patient, lame during practices. You have helped me to realise my weaknesses and reasons why i was not able to improve. By joining CO and under your guidance, I have improved. Thanks a lot! All the best in Uni! Have fun!"
Oliver haha, used to be frm band de.. will you convert? =X

"Hey Yandeng! I've to be honest with ya, I wouldn't have progressed so much without your help with unrelenting patience you helped me, I sincerely thank you for that!"
Elton, you are what you are today because of your hard work. I can show you the path to greatness, but I cannot walk that path for you.

"hello =) Thanks for being so patient with us! All the best for your future endeavours!"
Casey, if only you joined us earlier haha you might be part of the SYF Crew!


the best part is, when i flipped the card out, there was a hidden, camouflaged message on the yellow board in yellow ink:


=)
~dunworrybehappy

you guys are the best bunch of students i have taught thus far. in the very end, you guys (knowing or unknowingly) were the ones that make the most sense:

"Life can only be understood backwards;
But it must be lived forwards."

-quote from the card.

I shall live it forward, and remember these times as the best memoires of TJC. Relive the spark in me :)

Final Fantasy

Distant Worlds rocked my socks.




Black Mages next, anyone?

endorphines

i need those.

uhmm watching shrek3 to have some =)


i've done it once, done it twice, third time's the charm. i know i'll be able to do that feat again.

busy

okay here's the stuff:

1) TJCO Alumni Outing
it's my turn to plan and i've got to do it fast. 2nd week of june. HEADS UP!

2) ANU Administrative stuff
it's bogging me THE WHOLE TIME and it's not done yet. freaking hell it's long -.-
eCoes, Visa, goodness -.-
ohh not to forget my FULL-PAID SCHOLARSHIP THAT THEY HAVENT EVEN notify me whether i'm REJECTED or not
BAHHH

3) Packing my stuff req for ANU
well this can wait til mid June WHEN (2) is done -.-

4) Long awaited gatherings AWAITING my planning (as usual)
what's different this time round ? sigh

5) My laptop
ARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!

i guess 5 issues are enough for me to go bonkers about. i havent even mention about the finer stuff -.-

my answer?

因为害怕失去，所以不敢争取

飞翔吧！

it's all over!

hoho a finale.

well.... i felt very much emptier now compared to 2006. my dizi kids, they (4 of them) have completed a steep journey. a journey that I set them on to improve their skills. they have indeed progressed so much, that even I was quite impressed =)
5 days of preparation, and they finished 4 pieces of heavy heavy music.

This is what basics will get you.

This is also what politics did to me.

-------------------------------------------

My solos today weren't as good as i thought it would be. I still think they could be better. Like for the concerto... at least my circular breathing wasn't detectable. but my yinse could be like YinZhiYang's frm the SCO recording. This is a far margin that i cannot grasp; How different is my yinse compared to the pros? I really need someone to guide me. I'm still not satisfied with my yinse =S

-----------------------------

sad to say, that's my last concert for TJCO. really, i'd wish i can come back more often to perform together, but.... it's the company that matter. maybe 2 days later, this post concert withdrawal symptom will fade, and i'm glad that i never will go back TJCO again? =S *shrugS*

but i've made a few good company in this current 08-10 batch. it's just a pity.

i'll always rmb that handful of people, the times we shared and the laughters we had. wonderous =)

u don't know

you don't know

for those time i defended your actions u did against her willing or unwillingly, for those times i actually try to think of good reasons why you did the hurtful thing(s) to her, and for those times i say that you are really not self centered but because you were just sensitive, you don't know.

i am this close to slapping you.

and this is what i get for putting myself in your farking shoes. selfish ass.
i see the devil in you now. be thankful that she's still on your side. because i'm no longer fighting on the same battlefront.

you were the last straw of my furious day. that's how i resolve my anger.

freaking retarded

when i play poker, my winning streak comes 20times less often than losing streaks. some streaks are just retarded.

so one day i was walking home and i met up with a streak called the accidental suayness bump. retarded la. then was already quite pissed. my day wasn't already as good, because like always, i put others before myself. feels as though i'm being mr.nice for my own leisure.

you came along to unleash the fury within, and i'm fu*king pissed right now. STFU and dont be so self-centered. jealousy has never been in my dictionary because i have attempted to taste what's inside of their shoes. have you?

i'm never a fan of snakes. you suddenly remind me why i hated a particular organisation.

Hmmm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v3d6SFcDys

i should have practised the piano instead of the violin. nuff said.

GOLD WITH HONOURS!

9.40am.. the fateful time when they came up to stage and finish their 2 pieces.
frankly, the choice piece was the BEST ATTEMPT EVER. EVER. EVER.
everything was so....... omg.
tanyin's solo... it was perfect. the erhu jazz.... so touching.. the guanyue jazz... SO POWERFUL!
i nearly cried when i heard it.
funny thing is, 2 seats away from me, 2 guys after hearing tanyin's xiaoC solo, said "pro. shes damn good"
at that moment i felt the gush. i SO WANTED to tell them "hey i'm her coach"
SHE made me so proud =) TJCO DIZI MADE ME SO PROUD

after they finished their performance, i asked seryang to gather all of them so that i could do my speech...
"you all did very very very well today. I am so touched by the music. almost wanted to cry. YOU GUYS HAVE THE BEST CHANCE OF GETTING GWH SO FAR SINCE 2005!!"

cheers were out. as though they had already gotten gold with honours.
at that moment, i felt the power of my motivation. so strongly. so sincere. so.........

~~~~~~~~~~
Chinese Orchestra Number 3. Temasek Junior College. Rong Yu *CHEERS IWAIUWDUwOOKASDJSXJNCQSIUAE*

as soon as i heard the "rong" i cheered
when i heard we really got it, i nearly cried.
we spent so much time together
we spent endless times practising our basics
we spent so much time going through bar 34
i finally understood the feeling of seeing success in my students.

though i'm not a performer like my dizi kids, i feel so much for them, so strongly.
i feel their passion, their perseverance, their motivation, their desire.
they influenced me to raise my teaching standards.
they got the best results they could ever have.
we are the best!
no. YOU people are the best.

i take pride in everything i do, every note i blow, every breath i take.
i am proud to say that these bunch of dizi kids are fine tuned by me.
i am proud to say that TJCO Dizi is one of the best in Singapore.
i dare challenge anyone who disagrees with that statement; I'll pit against you with my all.

when i first came down to teach them, i felt that they were far from gold.
when i last heard their playing in the concert hall today, they were the GWH quality.
I am so proud of you all. TanYin, Jiemin, DuanRui, Oliver. you guys rock my stage =)

at this moment, i'm feeling the rush. emotions swelling, fruitful rewards.
gold with honours, it is ours once again.
dizi is gold with honours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it would most probably be the last of what they see. i'll never be coming back to help them out for SYF again. i'll be forgotten after i fly, because mainly i'm not available during their SYF periods.
soon, the newer generation will overtake me, and coach the younger grass.

it's great that it ends here, because i've been bestowed with the best memories of being a coach, a TJCO Alumni, a tjcian, and a friend to all of you. I love this batch of dizi. I enjoy working with this batch of committee. I enjoy 08/09 comm. I enjoy TJCO.







happy birthday xiaomei :D

囧

等待，期待，期盼，盼望
都有等等等等等，等等的意思

今天竟然无意间盼到异想不到的事情
我看我越是在意，我越是失望
让它随意转动不就行了吗

哎~~~
我还是做不到 ＂能人所不能＂

oldies!

超级好听~~ 好久没有听过这样的歌了

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_D4nG3_L-c

杜德伟 － 改变

曲:ShinInSoo词:董修铭

人群间, 一双眼
是我曾熟悉的感觉
故事又回到起点
一瞬间情绪又蔓延
冷的街, 灰的天
已经过了许多年
我们还会再相见
心里面酸和甜都沉淀
你还是没改变
天真善良的笑脸
手指间已戴上幸福的誓约
我不再像从前为了爱不顾一切
一眨眼都事过境迁
也许你会记得我们当年谈笑的画面
虽不是在昨天在今天回忆彷佛在眼前
如果时光倒转回到当年没有说再见
爱不会搁浅结局也不必有遗憾
慢慢填

snakes, butterflies. i hunt them!

had a great day today. finished up about more than half of butterfly, and also took a look at madam white snake. the hype is there la... i'm finishing up these concertos before i fly. and when im over there, i'll scare everyone. :D

so that said, i'm pretty excited to finish up butterfly dream in these 2 weeks =)

butterfly!

went to a dizi concert with my juniors just now. qinglun and kaixiang's graduation concert. it was superb. i take my hats off for them. won't go on ranting about their flaws.
that said,
it's the only concerto piece on my mind now. the rest pales in comparison.

蝴蝶夢(第一樂章 夢蝶):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jri7KvMhBQ

stroll

taking one step at a time may be slow, but doing it together brings out the patience.

that all is enough

shall wait and see.

SYF 2009 (Secondary)

went to watch a few sessions last few days.. i'd have to admit that the overall average national standards have risen by a far margin for the past 8 years. Since i'm at it, i'd give a little of my humble views of the trend, focusing only on schools who had GWH making little references to some Gold.

Seems that judges are in favor of choice pieces that displays certain level of individual skills. Or rather, the solo parts in some way make or break the results when judges had to decide between competitions.
DHS had an excellent display of their dizi and erhu solo parts. CCHS(M) had a very zai dizi solo for their choice piece. RGS who performed Takelamagan paled in comparison to TMS's pipa and koudi solo in Flying Asparas. I feel, RGS dizi didn't do well at all. In fact the soloist needs more work on her basics. Therefore the RGS Gold.

Solos don't make up the deciding factor; a heavier emphasis (on how i see it) was placed on how steady the orchestra is.
Mayflower Sec did pretty well for their choice piece. Dangers were lurking everywhere, but their percussion section tactfully covered the weak spots in their woodwind, and tby sections. Mr Tay was very smart in certain portions of his dynamics control, minimising the possible bursts or explosions in some parts of his choice piece. Pity their strings weren't stronger, else they might have a shot at GWH!
(Mayflower in 2001 was the joke of the year. Everyone LAUGHED OUT LOUD when they started the TongDeng Sheng solo, and subsequently timpani got lost 20 bars into the piece. that was.how.bad.they.were.)
Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary did well in their choice piece (Ambush From All Sides). Solo was adequately done, but more importantly in the midst of the apparent mess of how the piece was composed, Mr Ng was able to control the wild horse. TJCO once performed this piece in 2005 as a concert finale. As a timpanist, even I myself felt the pressure in this abstract art. AI was truly redeemed by this piece, despite a slow start from their set piece. That said, even if their set piece was done better, they wouldnt have the chance for GWH for obvious technical reasons.

The crucial factor for this year's SYF was most probably the overall standard of the orchestra. Bad dizi yin se can be forgiven with good string section, but a flaw in the suona kills everyone.
Tuesday's dizi were all VERY BAD. sounds were off, basics no where near presentable, lipping was totally out. but cello bass section were on the whole, much much better compared to the same dizi section in the orchestra. Apparently, judges didn't look too highly of the dizi standards in singapore. a simple vibrato with a good control can actually gain their favor. how sad.
SNGS, SAC etc didn't have good dizi. In fact their dizi were even more terrible than Tues' batch. They still got at least gold. bad dizis are forgiven, but bad suonas are not

pitching of the suonas were penalised greatly. Teck Whye performed Spring Overture which had a zesty zhongsuo solo. it was bad. every phrasing was broken. Bronze.
RGS had a minor problem with regard to their suonas. they were trying, but couldn't hold their breath properly; most of them were flat (well not referring to any part of their bodies). Takelamagan was TJCO's pride, clinching GwH together with HCJC in 2007. RGS sadly didn't do as well, probably also because of the tempo (they kept rushing and rushing), the scenery expressions weren't portrayed well.


On the whole everyone did well. most schools maintained their standards, while many others improved nearly drastically (from silver to GWH Evergrove Sec). Though the award schools receive may not be the absolute judgement of their standards, i find it hard to be impressed with schools that get Silver, and claim that they are on par or better than schools who were awarded Gold .. solely because of the very unforgiving one-attempt-to-impress-5people-performance-at-SCH. 11 out of 57 participating schools were awarded GwH. that makes 20% GwH. factoring into consideration the massive Golds this year, it pretty much seems that Bronze is now the COP so on and so forth =S

Raising the benchmark raises the national standards; thats the only absolute thing for SYF 2009

Adrenaline

金庸写的14本书可以连成一个对联:“飞雪连天射白鹿,笑书神侠倚碧鸳”J.K.罗琳写的7本书也可以连成一句话:“哈哈哈哈哈哈哈”


haha all i need is a time machine, really.