I feel despondent and very tired. I blame my personality, why am I such an introvert at times? Why can't I make good friends and share my sorrows with them. Why is my life becoming so mundane and uninteresting. I've got to look at the brighter side I guess. I am never optimistic when goods things happen but always pessimistic when bad things happen. I need some change to my life and some effort on my part to achieve it. I must stop this pessimism from infesting my life. I must learn self-motivation and the ability to look beyond failures and tough times. That way, I will succeed in the future. I must dispel all fear and seek every possible motivation along the way that can propel me closer to happiness and free from pessimism.
p.s. This day I felt helpless and also the importance to look ahead and never regret. I will choose REP on this date.
I probably wouldn't remember that I had a blog till now. Yea, there's Facebook but I still prefer a bit of privacy, especially when I feel the compulsion to air my woes/concerns/thoughts. I will not air my grievances for now. It is probably not a good time to, especially when one is about to confront those seemingly insuperable obstacles set ahead.
I hate to study honestly. I have always been and still am a playful boy that procrastinates and knows only enjoyment in his dictionary. That's why I was addicted to LAN gaming/computer games. Whether or not these games enriched my life is indeterminate, at least for me. I shan't go into there but my point is, I see studying as a means to an end. That doesn't mean I hate school or anything, but the defining trait of a school to me, is essentially studying. Yes, we also have moral education and friendship and CCA, but they all dwarf in comparison to academics. That's the part I hate and perhaps this narrow view of me isn't going to change any time in the future (unfortunately). So screw mugging and muggers, which seem like an oxymoron, esp when classmates label me as "MM" - mugging machine. Wrong perception there, but I shan't defend myself either. I see mugging as a very selfish act, something which I love to detest but I can't in a competitive environment. Let's face it, whether you mug or don't mug, nobody really cares (incl teachers), you have to study for your own sake, and yes for YOUR OWN SAKE, not others'.
Who would really comfort you if you messed up A levels? I bear a pessimistic view that ultimately an individual will have himself only to blame if he didn't try hard enough when he could have previously. No amount of comfort by peers and family will suffice. It is really heart-sinking, and I can totally visualise that. And worst still, when you see others holding up their stellar achievements, you will go crazy with envy. Now, I must clarify, I am not an individual that goes green with envy all the time, in fact, I hardly do. But to turn crazy with envy stems one's regret that he could have been on par with his peers at least if he had tried hard enough back then. So morale of the story: STUDY diligently for your own sake (it sounds selfish but this is a pragmatic view), because you wouldn't want to be the most sad individual upon receiving your A level results on that fateful day. And please, excuses like I never study still can do well is just pure bullshit. Peers can go "WOW" at this, but ultimately you are risking your future for something that's not worth doing. (There's is nothing to boast about when you fall from grace). Hard work is key but do remember that studying is BAD FOR HEALTH. I NEED SOME LIFE.
Enough of all these contradictions, I shall await the announcement for the newly elected President!
