I admit I am 口是心非的人。

but I can feel that I am gettin over it, i guess. mayb that incident really make me lose heart. At least now I managed to make the first step to "run". ok is cos u "run" first. but seriously, i am not a toy. not something u dun wan so u throw me to someone else. & sometime i wonder if guys are jus dumb & not care about the possibility of "what if that is true" & hence how it will hurt someone. o well at least i am accepting it much better den i expect. hahahaha. give me more time. i will be able to do it. 2mths plus time. it shd be enough i guess? ok whatever.

last day of sem 2 today! & last midterm today. -.-. finals officially start next fri & will end on 19may. when friends from other institutions either end exams or abt to end next week. :( endure for 3more weeks! & lady luck+ mug bug i BEGGED u to come to me immediately. I really need u & love u. hahahahaha.

I wan my freedom......

& blog I shall come back into ur arm in 3 weeks time ok. bye~~

If i really matters.....

It doesnt matter anymore.

Pretense.

想了想，其实我对自己最失望。因为我不够坚定。

傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

HAPPY BDAY TO MYSELF! & I DUN CARE I AM FOREVER 18!! xP

dunno why bday every year become more & more nt impt. there is not much excitement in it anymore. mayb it is cos this yr, and the comin 3yrs, my bday will landed on exam periods. or mayb of other reasons i dunno. still, wan to tks everyone who wishes me & celebrated wit me! :D though i still find that those who are really sincere are those who really rmb my bday NOT becos of fb notification i.e those who sms me, call me, tell me on msn, write a card/letter for me. of cos i dun expect normal friends to do all these, but I guess I expect more from closer friends. I actually wanted to remove my bday notification de, but reached home too late that i didnt have time to do that. o well next year. it might seem bad that i am testin out, but i guess sometime minor things determine a lot of things yeh? hahaha.

& so today will be spend on......................
muggin. :( wd a sad life.

controlled for long, yesterday I finally give in to the tears, kinda, for the most stupid reasons.

today, i am goin to, or rather i have to, focus on my studies. finals in 2 weeks time!!! aghhhhhhhhhh!!!


those words u wrote piece into my heart instead of makin me happier.

twitter is now not the place for me to pen down my thoughts anymore. so blog i am coming back into ur arms. HAHAHAHAH.

yes i am still affected. very. i told myself many many times he not good. i try to give him a bad image in my brain. i told myself this, told myself that, but each time he did something, & even if he nv do anything, i got disappointed. it really hurts that bad at that time. & yet i still can forgive him easily if he did something minor that brighten up my day.i am such a fool, seriously. why do u have to determine how i feel. i wish my heart can go accordin to my logical thinkin...everything he does alr tell me how insignificant i am to him.to be real, since it is this case, why shd I bother. it is really not worth it. but i still cant help it. i smile, i laugh, i went crazy cos my friends planned it for me & i shdnt spoil their efforts. but my laughter at that time is really painful & i feel guilty for feeling that way cos I spoil their purpose for makin me happy on my bday celebration. i am really tired of caring. pls, jus go away this damn feeling. I wan to be happy.

I hate this love song~

I need a good slp. that how I always "heal" myself. Tmr will be a brand new day.

pictures updates! not in dates order.








Avril Lavigne- Contagious
Uh oh Uh oh
When you're around I don't know what to do
I do not think that I can wait
To go over and to talk to you
I do not know what I should say

And I walk out in silence
That's when I start to realize
What you bring to my life
Damn this guy can make me cry

It's so contagious
I cannot get it out of my mind
It's so outrageous
You make me feel so high all the time

They all say you're not good for me
But I'm too close to turn around
I'll show them they don't know anything
I think I've got you figured out

So I walk out in silence
That's when I start to realize
What you bring me to my life
Damn this guy can make me smile

It's so contagious
I cannot get it out of my mind
It's so contagious
You make feel so high

I will give you everything
I will treat you right
If you just give me a chance
I can prove I'm right

It's so contagious
I cannot get it out of my mind
It's so contagious
You make me feel so high...

e-learin for most modules next week, so i have mon & tue off next week!
but finals in 3weeks time. :(
startin from tmr, i hope everyday will be productive! like seriously HAVE to be productive. no time le no time le!


some things even though I noe wd is the right thing to do, some things even though I noe I have to give up, but some things it is jus so hard to let go. so since I still can't totally be not affected, I shall jus change the mindset to another, & continue in another different purpose, till the day I really fully let go & not be bothered..

now i noe why i am losing the mood to study even for midterms. i jus dun really care anymore. & it is all becos of the nv-ending midterms. went through my past timetables & realised that midterms started since wk 6 of sch & continue till wk 13, den finals for 3 weeks. there is like only 1 week of recess week in between. no wonder I took exam until dun care liao. not good not good. hahahha. but seriously damn sian la. i need a break..........or rather i need my mug bug. :(

nth i can do now except to endure for 6more weeks. ughhhhhhh.

sigh.

never ending midterms. literally 1 midterm every week since even before recess week. tell me where will I have the extra time to study for everything. & results becoming more & more disappointing this sem & I have no idea why since I studied more den last sem.aghhhhhhhh uni life sux la. I cant wait for holidays.

the feelings when u accept what ur mind logically think & not jus the heart... is great, is carefree. I hope this feelin will continue.

DAMN STRESSED FROM STUDIES. :(
everyday i feel like scoldin the F words to myself. I jus dun understand wd is goin on. not 1 modules, not 2 modules, but u can say ALL the modules except HW111a. I am not kidding. that is how bad I am. & I really did studied! & I hate myself for studyin so slow, end result aso not good. ughhhh sorry i jus need a place to vent out my frustration.

I need help. I asked from you. U doesn't seem to care. I keep quiet, but deep down I am very upset wit you. cos it is you.but this is better right. the more you disappoint me, the more I can get out of it faster, I hope.

Where have all my sincere smiles went to....

我要把心再次关起来，因为太累了。不值得，没必要。我现在需要重视学业而已。其他的，我还是相信自己的坚持。