LIP SERVICE: Sometime - soon, once we've done with this festive season - there will be a new album featuring The Flaming Lips. And it's going to be covers, covers, nothing but covers. These, in fact:

* Bjork – ‘Unravel’
* Miles Davis – ‘My Ship’
* Chris Bell – ‘Speed Of Sound’
* Faust – ‘It’s a Bit Of A Pain’
* Roxy Music – ‘2HB’
* Alfie – ‘People’
* Aphex Twin – ‘Film’
* Mice Parade – ‘Galileo’
* The Chameleons – ‘Up The Down Escalator’
* The White Stripes – ‘Seven Nation Army’
* Chemical Brothers – ‘Playground For A Wedgeless Firm’
* Love & Rockets – ‘Saudade’
* Lush – ‘Monochrome’
* Psychedelic Furs – ‘Sleep Comes Down’
* Nick Drake – ‘River Man’
* Sebadoh – ‘One Fire’
* Radiohead – ‘Pyramid Song’
* 10CC – ‘I’m Not In Love’
* Brian Eno – ‘Another Green World’
* David Shirgley – ‘The Jist’

The album, Late Night Tales, will be preceeded by a 7" only version of the Seven Nation Army cover. It might be enough to pretend they didn't get involved with SpongeBob ShowsanyonecanbesurrealbutsurrealisntalwaysinterestingPants' movie.

INCANDESCENT IN THE DECEMBER NIGHT: Ash are doing a whole sudden Christmas special secret gig thingy play live today in - of course - London. Drowned In Sound report Ash will take the stage at Frog just after midnight, which technically means it'll be Sunday, of course. Anyone who downloads the news page from DiS will get in for cheap as well, and you could try printing off this page to see if it'll get you a snog from Charlotte, but we're not promising anything on that one.

WELL, ALL MAGAZINES LIKE TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR THEIR CHRISTMAS ISSUE: We're not sure, of course, but we suspect that Phil Anselmo, former singer with Pantera, will be feeling a bit queasy having been interviewed for the Christmas issue of Metal Hammer, in which he called for Dimebag to be "severely beaten". Probably just a case of really bad timing, as it's unlikely many Pantera fans would have read the piece yet.

A BATTLE BETWEEN EVIL AND EVIL: Nobody likes to see mad, starey-eyed people bringing legal actions over the use of rude words in songs. It's censorship; it's anti-artistry; it's an assault on creativity by the forces of good taste. On the other hand, there are some cheap laughs in the concept of Walmart being sued for selling Evanescence CDs, especially because they're being legally targetted because of WalMart's own policy of censoring the life out of music and refusing to stock foul-mouthed songs.

It was Wal-Mart's obsessive purging of swearing that made Maryland couple Trevin and Melanie Skeens allow their daughter buy the Evanescence album from the store - for there could be nothing on it which would harm their thirteen year old daughter, could there? So imagine their shock when, playing her new album on the way home, the word "FUCK" blared out the in-car stereo. Wal-Mart sold them a fuck. The shop they trusted to protect them from the real world filled their car up with sweary old fuck words. Being America, they decided the only thing they could do would be to sue.

The lawsuit Wal-Mart are now facing is demanding not just that the album be flung from the racks of Maryland Wal-Marts, but that Wal-Mart compensate anyone who brought the album at a Maryland Wal-Mart to the tune of USD75,000. The couple believe that their case is strenghtened because the online Walmart.com store censors the fuck in the sample offered of the album: in other word, corporately, WalMart were aware of the swear.

WHERE APPLE OUTSMARTS NAPSTER: The big problem for companies planning to sell music downloads is that a large, lucrative market has no access to credit cards and that makes selling to them a tricky proposition. Napster's solution is to offer a complicated series of cards that you can trot into a nearby town and purchase, take back to your computer and use to access their music library. Apple, meanwhile, have done a deal with PayPal to take micropayments. The first half a million sign-ups will get five songs free, too.

IT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED: Looking at the page of photos from the vigil for Dimebag, our eye alights on shot 10011 of a pair of cops leading away a guy who's turned up bollock naked. We're not quite sure why anyone would have assumed that something quite so show-offy would be appropriate for a memorial vigil; but equally we're not sure what made the cops think they really needed to drag the bloke away: a crowd of Pantera fans are hardly likely to have been outraged by the sight of a tiny penis.

Donewaiting, meanwhile, have the official statement from Damageplan, written by Vinnie Paul - Dimebag's brother and also a likely target for the bullets. Let's just put it down to grief and fear doing strange things:

With all his greatness and accomplishments on the guitar, DIME will be missed more for his giving personality, charisma, caring for others, love and most of all his HEART!! Twice as big as the state of TEXAS!!!!!!!!!!!! DIME gave it all everyday to each and every one of us and our lives have forever been hollowed without him...Thanks to all of you for reaching out to us in this time of our immeasurable loss. REST IN PEACE BROTHER DIME!!!!!!

AND WE'D JUST LIKE TO ISSUE A FORMAL, PUBLIC APOLOGY OURSELVES: For anyone who has seen our joke on the popjustice advent calendar, we are really sorry and can assure you that we haven't contaminated the mottoes in any Christmas crackers.

BLESS: As Keane plod about the US, Tom Chaplin has revelaed he deals with the temptations of groupies by "thinking about his girlfriend back home in England." By which we presume he means when they proposition him, he thinks of her and says "no", rather than when he's on the job he pretends they're her.

CLARIFICATIONS AND APOLOGIES: Interestingly, Ananova have apologised to Will Young for an article called 'Will Plays Ball Boy with Footie Star'. Hmm, wonder what that could have been about, then? In other awkward media climbdowns, the BBC News Online team have had to say sorry to Vanilla Ice's pet wallaroo: They wrongly described it as a cross-breed. Around 3,000 at the corporation will lose their jobs as a result of the error.

AT LEAST I FEEL BETTER THAN JAMES BROWN: Taking some time off this Christmas is James Brown, coming straight off a Canadian tour into treatment for prostate cancer. He's due to have an op on Wednesday morning. It's likely he'll only need to have his prostrate gland removed, and so he won't require a new bag.

READ MY LIPS: It's kind of odd that - having crowed at Ashlee for lip-synching just a couple of days later Lindsay Lohan got caught flapping her gob during an appearance on Good Morning America. The upshot is that she's now pretending to be too sick to sing at all. Or lip-synch at all.

HAS SOMEONE HERE GOT GANGRENE?: We're not entirely sure we believe the story which claims Britney Spear's feet stink so bad when she was on a plane the stewards had to ask her to put her shoes back on. And even if it is true, and it's just her shoes cause her feet to sweat, then we have solutions to that problem.

FIGHTING FOR CHARITY: An attempt to help buff up the image of Ludacris seemed to be a good idea. He donated three hundred dollars worth of toys to a children's charity and turned out to a Mall in Montgomery Alabama to bask in the good feelings. Then the fights started in the crowd, security lost control and Ludacris was asked to leave.

POOL DRIED UP: We don't want to appear hard-hearted, but we're not so sure Drowning Pool has cancelled its tour as a sign of respect for Dimebag but more out of fear that they'd be the targets of the inevitable copycat event. Their statement reckons:

"No one knows why some people do the heinous things they do. Dimebag Darrell was the epitome of rock and roll. He wasn't just a player that all guitarists aspired to be, but the genuine article and a true friend."

Meanwhile, Ozzy Osbourne was woken up yesterday afternoon to be told of the incident - he expressed his shock, before asking what day it was; and Chimaira singer Mark Hunter said he didn't know anybody in a band who hadn't "stolen a few guitar riffs" from Dimebag. Apart, presumably, from drummers.

CASHING IN DECRIED: Still with Peel for a moment, if you've found yourself in front of those "tasteful" displays in the Virgin Megastore - one half starving Africans, one half very large print books about John Peel - and wondered if it might not be worth picking up one of the books, probably best not to: Francis ravenscroft, Peel's brother, has been pretty angered by the rush-release books - "It really is just ambulance-chasing" in his opinion.

For the real thing, there are rumours that the proper biography might be joined by a compilation of Peel journalism - he wrote extensively for, amongst others, Sounds, The Observer and the Radio Times. We really hope the piece from the Observer where he wrote about having to tear himself away from Nelson Gabriel's farewell to Walter to go into a gig at the Norwich Arts Centre is in there, as we've always been curious as to which band it was.

HE COULD STILL BE A CONTENDER: But if they do give the Peel gig to Rob Da Bank, could someone persuade him to return to his given name of Robert Gorham?.

Slightly alarmingly in the piece linked to, Ian Parkinson floats again the idea that "no one person can replace Peel" - which seems to imply that his fiefdom will be split into three parts after New Year: in effect, then, the show will be dead as each of three presenters are likely to have a specialism and the concept of three shows a week of anything goes, built around a steady hand, will be lost. Let's hope they have a change of mind over the Christmas pudding down at Radio One.

(Besides - hiring three people to replace one man? Surely that runs contrary to the Mark Thompson BBC?)

CONGRESS BUGGERS OFF FOR CHRISTMAS WITHOUT DOING DEVIL'S WORK: Some good news from Washington, where Congress has adjourned for the year (how much Christmas shopping do they have to do? I mean, I know they can't rely on dropsy and backhanders to get all their gift needs seen to, but even so...) without having passed any of the insane new copyright laws being demanded by the record industry. Mitch Bainwol, of course, see this as some sort of victory, looking through the RIAA's special glasses:

Mitch Bainwol of the RIAA told the [LA] Times that the lobbying surrounding the legislation raised awareness of the "enormous theft out there that is compromising the vitality of important American industries." Bainwol added, "There is a consensus that there is a problem. We broke down on how you define an answer."

If the theft was that massive, and seen as so important, though, wouldn't legislators have been quicker and more interested when it came to defining an answer?

NO HEART TREMORS FOR SHAKY: Apparently, the rumours running around that Shakin' Stevens had a heart which was about to collapse are all a load of old eyewash - his publicist has explained away Shaky's recent heart check-up as being part of the preparation for his appearance on the Keith Barrett Show; it's well known that the strains placed on the heart during a spoof chat show can be large and so it's recommended that all stars check they're fit before doing so. Nobody's allowed on the Kumars without a signed chit from a medical man and a full sperm count - and that includes the women.

Shaky - whose real name is Shakin' - was apparently amused by the claims he was a heavy smoker, said his publicist:

"I've been in his company socially for many years and he has the odd cigarette after a meal, but that's it. There is no way he's a heavy smoker."

Which is true, but he does need a full dinner to clear his lungs before he can get up in the morning.

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD OFFERS KIDS THE CHANCE TO GRAB THE BOX FROM THE TOP OF HER GIGANTIC STOCKINGS: That's right, Natasha turned up at Great Ormond Street with the world's biggest Christmas stocking - a mighty ten metres by three metres.

Police later confirmed the sweaty, swarthy man who appeared to be following Natasha around, trying to get her attention, wasn't actually a stalker but her brother, Daniel.

DMX: I PRETENDED TO BE A ROZZER: As happens so often, once they turn up in court a musician has abandoned his blustering claims of innocence in favour of a plea-bargain to save their skinny ass. So DMX admitted driving through JFK airport pretending to be a cop. While on valium. He got a surprisingly lenient USD1,000 fine (GBP18 at current exchange rates) and has to give up his Ford Expedition (apparently some American car rather than plans to travel round examining places where rivers flow across roadways, although we'd like to see DMX recreate the opening credits of All Creatures Great And Small sometime).

To complete a bad day for "Call me constable" DMX, as he came out of court he got hit with a paternity suit.

EVERYTHING THAT EVER MATTERED: As if the resurrection of the Wedding Present and Anderson and Butler burying their differences wasn't enough to bring a warm feeling of hot, hot joy to the heart of the shambling indie-boy, now Guy Chadwick and Terry Bickers have reformed the House of Love. New album, new single, new tour:

Feb 5th - Zodiac, Oxford
Feb 6th - Arts Centre, Colchester
Feb 9th - Fez Club, Reading
Feb 10th - ICA, London

We'll be scouring the web for news of the Bogshed revival.

BIT - O, THAT IS: The death has been announced of Country and Western singer Jerry Scoggins. Unusually for a country singer, Scoggins original career had been as a stockbroker; he'd been trading stock during the week and taking a back-up role to Gene Autry in the Cass County Boys. It had been looking like stockbroking would win out after Autry retired from singing when Scoggins was invited to record a theme song for a sitcom pilot. The programme got picked up, and Scoggins' introduction to The Beverly Hillbillies became a fixture on American TV. In 1996 the Western Music Association inducted the Cass County Boys into their Hall of Fame.

Jerry Scoggins died on Tuesday from natural causes, said his family. He was 93.

ROCK SICK LIST: We're feeling a bit rough ourselves, but we're in fine fettle compared with Kings of Leon drummer Nathan Followill, who's suffering from a kidney infection and only able to get through dates on the current UK tour with a shot of adrenaline, a car on standby in case he needs to get to hospital and a guitar tech ready to understudy. We think we'd have been tempted to sit this one out.

IT'S STILL A MYSTERY: Although the police have spoken to witnesses who believe they heard the gunman who killed Darrell Abbott accuse him of splitting up Pantera, they say it's unlikely that the reasons behind the attack may never be known. They've named the killer as Nathan Gale.

WE DON'T ALWAYS AGREE WITH MAGAZINE POLLS: ... but we think Blender's worst ten songs of the year more or less hit the money spot-on:

1. LENNY KRAVITZ - LADY
2. NICKELBACK - FIGURED YOU OUT
3. EAMONF**K IT - (I DON'T WANT YOU BACK)
4. TOBY KEITH - WHISKEY GIRL
5. FIVE FOR FIGHTING - 100 YEARS
6. JOSH GORBAN - YOU RAISE ME UP
7. BLACK EYED PEA - LET'S GET IT STARTED
8. JOSS STONE - FELL IN LOVE WITH A BOY
9. JET - COLD HARD BITCH
10. LIMP BIZKIT - BEHIND BLUE EYES.

PRESUMABLY SHE'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO DIDN'T SEE HERSELF ON HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU: Since the chances of turning a pop career look increasingly slight, and panicing that she's heading for nothing more than "She was the voice of an angel, but what happened when Charlotte grew up" pieces for years to come, Charlotte Church is now trying to get a gig as a TV presenter. We notice this story suggests she's "presenting" the Christmas Top of the Pops - by which we're guessing they mean she'll get the chance to try and link one piece without fluffing too badly. Trevor McDonald reported himself to be "unconcerned", yesterday.

PERSPECTIVES AND PROPORTIONS: No sooner had Dimebag hit the ground than the internet rumours and opinions were set flying: so far we've heard that it's all a Velvet Goldmine stunt, and the shooting wasn't genuine; that it serves rock fans right for not "caring" when Tupac was shot, and someone who claims to have been at the show:

he was yelling something about how "you broke up pantera.... you ruined my life.... what about phil??? he needs heroin money..." or something like that then i saw the gun and he shot DBD right in the head... when DBD went down he kept shooting... then he turned around for bobzilla then vinnie... teh hole time i thought it was part of the show... i had blood on me i was so close... i'm still freakin' out here...

... but then we suspect this is a show which nearly the whole world will claim to have been at.

YOU JUST KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, DIDN'T YOU?: Thank you, Band Aid 20 - now we're going to have to contend with Jermaine Dupri and We Are The World 20 as well. Apparently Quincy Jones called him and suggested it. Thanks, Quincy.

Michael Jackson isn't likely to be on this version. We might forgive them if they call Bananarama.

In other charity news: Linking to Tom NYLPM's band aid pisstake raised three goats for charity. Yes, "goats" not "groats".

STARTING THE COUNTDOWN: Multimillionaire, businessman with some questionable attitudes towards his staff and DJ Dick Clark has had a stroke. Although hospitalised, Clark's people say he'll be back at work for his traditional New Year's Eve show.

THE GREAT THING ABOUT CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS IS YOU CAN LIE-IN AND SKIP 'TODAY' ALTOGETHER: For we can think of nothing better than slumbering away peaceably while an edition of Today guest edited by Bono is transmitted. Last year it was Thom Yorke and Stephen Hawking. This year, we're getting Sarah Ferguson and Bono.