TL;DR/FI Friday

So, that reunion of TFI Friday last night was a reminder of why I never watched it first time round: it's a programme that looks like everyone involved is having tremendous fun, rather than a programme which is tremendous fun.

Also: the Gallagher/Who 'supergroup' felt more like the deputy head joining the school band for the last song of the evening.

Liam Gallagher and chums

TFI Friday is back for what is, effectively, its reunion gig this week. But will it be good TFI Friday, where you'd get a decent band and something inventive? Or will it be bad TFI Friday, when it had passed the point that it had forgotten it had viewers and approached its tasks with an attitude of 'if we're having fun, then the audience will enjoy us having fun, right?'

Your finger is hovering over the Record button.

But which will it be?

Which will it be, NME?

TFI Friday will return for a one-off live special at 9pm next Friday (June 12), hosted by Chris Evans. A TFI spokesman recently confirmed to The Sun that Gallagher and Daltrey will perform 'My Generation' as part of a supergroup featuring The Lightning Seeds' Ian Broudie and former Oasis drummer (and Ringo Starr's son) Zak Starkey.

Ah. Thanks for the clarification.

Suddenly, Kate Humble living with nomads on BBC2 seems very compelling indeed.

Roger Daltrey is an angry man

Roger Daltrey has announced that he will never vote for Labour again.

Why, Roger? Is it because a man with three houses voting for a party of social justice might be too much irony for you?

Depressingly, no: it turns out that it's foreign people upsetting him:

I will never, ever forgive the Labour Party for allowing this mass immigration with no demands on what people should be paid.

Didn't Labour introduce the minimum wage which, pretty much, is a demand on what people shou... oh, hang on; he hasn't finished.

I will never forgive them for destroying the jobs of my mates because they allowed their jobs to be undercut with stupid thinking on Europe, letting them (immigrants) all in, so they can live 10 to a room working for Polish wages.

This might sound unlikely, but it turns out that Pete Townshend has been replaced with ten Poles. Shocking.

I could pick Daltrey's argument apart, but frankly, Daniel Knowles dismissed this tired old whinge in the Telegraph pretty comprehensively:

Here's what the Migration Advisory Committee goes on to say:
But this possible displacement of British workers only holds for those migrants who have been here for under five years. Both EU and non-EU migrants who have been in the UK for over five years are not associated with displacement of British born workers. Between 1995 and 2010 employment of such working age migrants rose by approximately 2.1 million. The associated displacement of British born workers was, on our own calculations, around 160,000 of the additional 2.1 jobs held by migrants, or about 1 in 13.
[...]
There are some reasons to worry about immigration. The evidence is ambiguous, but it's not unreasonable to think some foreigners may be coming to claim welfare. There is also a cultural argument, and while I wouldn't make it, not everyone who does is a racist or a bigot; Ed West frequently makes the case convincingly. But while it is reasonable to be worried about immigration, it is simply not true to suggest that "foreigners are stealing our jobs" or that immigration is responsible for unemployment. And those who do, in defiance of the evidence, make me wonder about their real motivations.

Even someone who worries that perhaps foreign people are coming to the UK to get access to cheap-ish prescriptions and IDS' welfare disaster doesn't buy that they're stealing jobs, and wonders if there might not be some sort of other agenda at work here.

But Roger doesn't have a problem with the foreign people he's singling out and unfairly claiming are driving British nationals into penury:

"I've got nothing against the Poles at all but that was a political mistake and it made me very angry and the people who get it in the neck are the immigrants and it's not their fault."

You know the best way to help those people who are given a hard time? How about not standing up and yelling that they're undercutting wages and causing mass unemployment when it really isn't true, Roger?

Interestingly, Daltrey doesn't seem to have a problem with the bits of the EU settlement which made it as easy and cost-effective for The Who to play Paris and Amsterdam as Birmingham and Glasgow.

Roger Daltrey confuses U2 with socialists

Roger Daltrey has popped up again to share more of his political insights with the Daily Mail. U2, for example?

We get on to the issue of U2, who recently faced a demonstration at Glastonbury after moving their multimillion-pound company out of Ireland, depriving their suffering country of their tax revenue.

‘I find it very interesting that people who spout socialism don’t want to pay for a socialist state. Weird,’ he says. ‘It doesn’t quite add up.’

That would make some sort of sense, if U2 were socialists and Ireland was a socialist state.

Let's try something closer to home - well, to one of Daltrey's homes - shall we?

A lifelong Labour voter, he’s disgusted by the last Government. ‘I was appalled at what Labour did to the working class — mass immigration, where people were allowed to come here and undercut our working class,’ says Roger.

‘It’s fine to say everybody can come into your country, but everybody should work towards a standard of living expected by people who live here. Not come here, live 20 to a room, pay no tax, send money home and undercut every builder in London. They slaughtered the working class in this country. I hate them for it because it is always the little man who is hurt badly. It’s terrible. It frustrates me."

Apart from "paying no tax", which seems to just be an assumption on Daltrey's part, surely if people want to live in cheap digs - not 20 to a room, which is just Daltrey making himself look stupid - that's up to them?

Is he really suggesting that there should be some sort of rule forcing immigrant workers to spend the same portion of their wages as British workers? Is he going to have people who refuse to get a Sky+ HD box deported for being, in some way, "unfair"?

‘We have got to stop pandering to people because we won’t be able to afford to keep this going. At the very least, it should be a pre-requisite that people have to learn English."

Why? Daltrey spends a lot of time in America - has he learned much Spanish?

He's fuming about the very idea of people getting something for nothing:

‘What really made me angry about that period is not that people shouldn’t come here — that’s fine — but you have to make allowances for the strain that is going to put on your social services and they made none.

‘Talk about sticking their head up their a***. The arrogance, the audacity. They don’t realise how hard the average man has to work to get that and to pay those taxes.’

It's not entirely clear who has their heads up their arses. Apart from Daltrey, of course.

So, Daltrey believes that people should only get what they have on merit, not as if by some divine right. Right?

And at the other end of the spectrum, there is his adoration of the Queen, who presented him with a CBE six years ago. ‘She’s amazing,’ he gushes. ‘She talks with her eyes. She has a twinkle in them — wow — she’s so special. I think she’s so wonderful and we, as a country should be so proud of her. It’s a dreadful position to be in; she can never be free. But her dedication to duty has been amazing.’

Oh, get a room, Roger. Probably at the State's expense. Does he Roger not realise how hard people work to pay the taxes that support the Royal lifestyle?

How have we even had an immigration debate without Roger Daltrey's opinions being canvassed?

Roger Daltrey has a had a wonderful career - a bit of performing in Australia, a bit of acting in America, some fish farming in the UK. He's surely a big fan of the idea that people should be as free to sell their labour wherever as he has been, right?

No, of course not.

Daltrey, now 67, has told how the influx of thousands of immigrant workers from the rest of Europe during Labour’s 13-year reign left the indigenous working-classes unemployed.

The star told how the last government left ‘the British working man screwed like he'd never been screwed before by cheap labour coming in from Europe.’

It's unclear if Daltrey has got his first-hand knowledge of "the British working man" from experiences on his massive country estate, or at his chi-chi London home. Or, possibly, from his other home in America.

He went on: ‘We do need immigration, but surely it should be a level playing field where they can't undercut every working–class bloke in England for their jobs.’

That might sound like an attempt to be reasonable, but really just goes to prove that Daltrey's grasp of economics is a weak as his voice is loud. He seems to be blaming immigrants for being willing to work on a low wage, rather than the employers who choose to pay as little as they can get away with. In fact, Labour did help a little with this - they introduced the minimum wage without which it's probable that wages would have been driven down still further.

It's telling, though, that Roger doesn't want wage rates to be driven up by expecting employers to pay more to everyone - instead, he just wants to somehow have a "level playing field". But given that there's a marketplace in which everyone is already competing equally, isn't what he really asking for is an unlevel playing field?

Still, Daltrey is an equal opportunities blowhard:

However the current Conservative and Liberal Democrat coalition government were not spared his ire either, with Daltrey adding: ‘The quality of our politicians is tragic.’

I've read this article a couple of times, and can't seem to see the point where Daltrey offers to do any better.

Daltrey also had harsh words for the machinations of the NHS.

The star has long been involved in charity the Teenage Cancer Trust. As a result, he has experienced the workings of the NHS.

He said: ‘You suddenly see the enormity and complexity of it, and the truth that no one wants to accept that there's nobody in charge.

Everyone knows it can't carry on, but you can't touch anything in the NHS because the nurses are in their trench, the doctors are in their trench, the unions are in their trench – it's the First World War.’

It's not enormity - that means 'great evil', you booby. Daltrey's description of the NHS sounds less like a considered opinion and more like someone who has half-read a Daily Mail editorial and then half-downed a pint of Old Peculiar. The problem is not that you can't touch the NHS, it's that politicians can't stop touching the bloody thing. Seriously, there are teenage boys who are better at hands-off than the Department Of Health.

Daltrey doesn't offer any actual definition of what these problems are beyond his broad-brush claims that nobody is in charge, which makes it seem even more likely that he's just churning talking points from the press that he doesn't really understand very clearly.

Still, if he's so sure that politicians are all crap, I look forward to his doing the decent thing and running for office. Maybe then we'll actually get to hear some ideas about how to fix things instead of the moaning of a very rich man.

Roger Daltrey: Changing his mind

It's a bit unfair to rib Roger Daltrey for failing to die before getting old, despite what he sang in that song.

We can all change our minds, right?

On the other hand, going from calling American Idol a tripe-stuffed joke to auditioning for a role on the panel in less than twelve months? That feels a wee bit less easy to explain away.

Brits 2011: Liveblog

7.51
Somewhere in Greenwich, James Corden is running through his lines.

"I wonder if giving my fee to charity will stop people criticising me?" he might wonder.

Perhaps, if you hadn't revealed at the same time how big that fee was. Going "I'm giving my fee to charity" might have swung it, but saying "I'm giving my fifty grand fee to charity" just makes you look flash.

And why are you giving it to Comic Relief? Isn't the Brits meant to be a fundraiser in its own right? Haven't you taken one charity's money and given it straight to another charity?

Of course, there's nothing new in The Unfunny One From A Sitcom hosting the Brits - who can forget the years Denzel from Only Fools did it? Or Mother from Fresh Fields? Or the entire cast of In Loving Memory.

They've just advertised Otis Ear Drops in the run-up. Probably the last thing you'd actually want on a night like this.

7.56
"With some flashing images". Consider yourself warned.

They've dragooned some pop stars into promoting Mastercard for the breakbumpers.

First impression: The O2 is way, way too huge for this. The stage looks like a flea circus in a shopping centre.

Take That have marched on behind squads of riot police. Are they duetting with Mubarak?

8.00
Monkeys learn to build machines, warns Take That. It's a less sinister warning than "hosted by James Corden".

Street dancing riot policemen. It's Britain's Got Talent And Problems.

Can't help noticing the Take That logo on the riot shields - is this a manifestation of the Big Society? Pop stars sponsoring the cops? Gary Barlow is always willing to help Dave Cameron out, so it's not impossible.

8.03
The riot police are taking their uniforms off. They're dressed like civilians. You know, like the Egyptian Police did. Um... maybe that's not what they were hoping to go for.

"Members of the pop star community" are asked to welcome Corden. Really? The community?

At least Corden is wearing clothes. At least at the moment.

He seems quite nervous.

"The new stop climate change Brit Award"? Is it really called that?

8.05
Dizzee Rascal - who was Tinie Tempah last year - comes on to do Male Solo Artist. It's clear why they're trying to get this out the way quickly, as most of the nominees will have to be back home before matron locks the doors.

The winner is... Plan B

8.07
Elton John has described Plan B as "the male Amy Winehouse". I'm not sure that's a compliment, is it?

Plan B thanks his mum from his heart. That's quite sweet. The massive list of thanks after that, not so much.

"Stay tuned" say ITV. How about you don't go for a bloody break after five minutes if you want us to keep watching?

8.10
@yourturnheather:
"My mum has been there for the whole time." Why yes, mothers are usually there from the beginning of your, y'know, life.

@tracey_thorn:
Oh that's taken the wind out of my sails, I like Plan B #thebrits

8.12
Eliza Doolittle has just given away her priceless trainers to a fan. Or possibly a shoe fetishist.

Corden's back. Oh, shit, he's really not doing any jokes, is he? Obviously that's wise, but surely if all you want is someone to mutter some platitudes, there are people who could do it professionally?

Adele's trying to do a nice, touching, personal song. Unfortunately, she's stood on a massive stage in an aircraft hanger. It's the sort of intimate moment you have when someone streams pictures of you in the shower via Qik.

8.15
@instanthits
Is this going to be The Authenticity Brits #britawards

@flumcake
Bless, James Corden is pretending that he actually has an emotional connection with music. #brits

Adele's getting some glitter dropped on her. In that big space, it just looks like a fleck of dandruff off a shoulder.

8.18
Corden's almost in tears. In tears. "All you need is a piano. Incredible."

He then plugs the downloads on iTunes for those of you not ripping the soundtrack directly.

First album nomination feature: Mumford And Sons. They're brilliant, says Corden.

Eww... they're floating quotes from critics over the top of the package. And giving the Mumfords a chance to have a little chatty about the records. "People can relate to our songs because they're real." Unlike Plan B, whose songs are all figments of your imagination, that would be.

8.20
James Corden's first joke of the evening: "That Mumford doesn't look old enough to be their Dads, does he?" Perhaps he should stick with the not doing jokes.

Justin Beiber is sat in front of a massive bucket of wine. Corden tells him he smells good and asks how old he is. Does he know this is going out on TV?

8.22
Fearne Cotton is introduced (with Corden's first 'I'm fat' joke of the evening) as 'the woman who's broken more bands than I've had hot dinners'. Presumably actually broken them - as in a "fantastic" from Fearne is enough to make you give up?

Breakthrough goes to Tine Tempah. His most famous fans, we're told, include "Princes William and Harry". Says. it. all.

8.24
Tinie's wearing a white suit and a spotted bow tie. Like he's going to a prom without a girlfriend.

"If I wore a suit like that I'd look like a weird umpire" says Corden, which might have been an attempt to explain why Boris Becker is coming on to do the next award.

Boris Becker? Have we run out of presenters already?

8.26
Das Weisse Comet gives the prize to The Arcade Fire. Who the hell are they? I've never heard of them.

That's International Band, by the way.

"We're Arcade Fire. Check it out on Google." That's the first funny joke of the evening. They go on to thank every British band who operated in the 1980s. None since. That might worry the Brits panel, if they think about.

Corden's just done his second fat joke. And I think the first two wank jokes of the evening.

Rihanna seems to be stuck behind one of those curtains you used to get in bookies doorways.

8.27
@eggyweggs1983:
So many talented comedians in the UK and they choose that muppet. For fucking shame. #brits

What the hell is Rihanna wearing? From the chest up it looks like something Rita Fairclough would have worn in her club days; from there downwards it looks... oh, she's ripped it off and is now in her pants. Never mind.

Her dancers are crawling along the floor hammering in despair. Perhaps they realised that Corden had started doing gags again.

Oh, Rihanna's doing one of those things where the artist just sticks bits of the songs together; like Stars On 45. Only this time with fire and a bunch of idiots with drums.

8.34
"After the break, the amazing Mumford & Sons perform." The amazing ones; the slightly dull ones haven't been invited. It's never a good sign when people are desperately telling you you're watching something fantastic.

This new version of JR Hartley with a musician instead of a fly-fishing expert surely only works if you remember the original, which went out - what - twenty years ago? Surely those who recall it will tune out of the young bloke in a record shop scenario, while those who don't won't quite get the point. It is very old.

8.38
Someone else has given the fans their shoes. Of course, post-Egypt showing people your shoes is something of an insult in modern parlance, isn't it?

Mark Ronson is going to give the Critics Choice In Assocation With War Child - why is a charity sponsoring an award?

This one had already been announced, of course: it's Jessie J. Lady GaGa on a European Space Agency budget. "I didn't plan anything to say" she says, which since she's had a month to plan seems like it lacks a little foresight.

Her thank you is really, really dull.

8.42
A package for Tinie Tempah's "fantastic" album. Sorry, "sensational" debut album. "I didn't know why I called it Discovery when I started" says Tinie. You named the album before you started making it?

@tonyofthesea
I think if you go to the Brit School then they just let you have one [Critics Choice prize] along with your A-Levels results.

Mumford And Sons come on. Notice Bob Dylan's not turned up to return the favour.

At least they're dressed correctly for playing in a barn.

People are whooping in the audience, which sounds inappropriate, but they're so far from the stage they've probably only just got the sound of Rihanna reaching them.

8.46
Another act doing a beautiful, fragile song. Did nobody think to pop down to see the size of the venue they were having to fill tonight?

Corden says "that's a brave performance", as if they'd come on and gone Brokeback Mountain.

He then makes a big fuss about - hee hee - this is a music show, and it's about music, but the next presenter is Lewis Hamilton. Which might have been amusing, in a self-defeating way, if he'd done it before Boris Becker came on, but by now there's been almost as many sportspeople on the stage as musicians.

Cee Lo has won International Male.

Cee Lo congratulates the audience on having great taste in music, and says Britain is great for music. He cites Boy George as an example, which again suggests most North Americans think we stopped making music sometime around the start of the Major government.

Tinie Tempah is doing a break bumper - "these shades are a big part of who I am", he says, unconvincingly.

8.52
I've learned something this eveninhg. Admittedly, it's that Jimbob's favourite member of Take That is Mark Owen (thanks, Jack in the comments). Not clear if this is still true now Mark Owen has proven himself to be no better than Leanne Battersby, mind.

@ruskin147
Best mobile device goes to Apple iPhone 4. #MWC
(I think Rory Cellan-Jones is at a better awards ceremony.)

8.54
All the award winners so far are going to show up later to do live performances. What a coincidence.

Alan Carr - who used to be part of an unsatisfactory double-act himself - has come on to do a prize giving. He's made a joke about pedometers.

Best single, partly voted for by listeners to Capital FM, which used to be your local radio station.

Just the snatches of Scouting For Girls and Olly Murs is enough to make you despair. No wonder Americans pretend Boy George is the newest star we've come up with.

Tinie Tempah wins. The voice overs keep suggesting that hits on YouTube are the measure of success, which might be true but hardly suggests that even the Brits takes selling records seriously any more.

8.58
Nearly half way. Tinie insists he wants Labyrinth before he'll do a speech. Big fan of Bowie dressed as a goblin king.

Simon Le Bon and John Taylor - who used to come to the Brits with a wheelbarrow to take awards home in - are on for Best International Group. John Taylor is starting to look like a vampire running for Republican presidential nomination.

Arcade Fire win. Their second prize of the night. Oh, please don't become the Kings Of Leon.

9.02
"I want to thank Haiti". I don't think you quite meant that, Ron Weaseley.

@Caitlin Moran
Simon le Bon looks like a sex-case wombat. In a good way.

Plan B is using back projections for his performance. Because it's all about playing a character, see, so it's like cinema and levels of artifice, see?

This is a good point to feed the cats.

9.05
Oh, more riot police. Perhaps Plan B should have compared notes with Take That?

The cats had turkey in a thick gravy, by the way. Oh, and here's James Corden back on.

While the Brits are on, there's an art show being disrupted by activists. How would we spot if something similar happened here? We might think that it was the third staged riot of the evening.

The XX get their shortlist moment. I'm not sure, but I think this is the first time an NME review has been floated across the screen during one of these album promos. Presumably if they'd won, though, they'd be playing tonight?

9.07
Corden is doing an interview with CeeLo that makes Jools Holland's interviews look like Paxman trying to find out who killed his wife. "Did you fly over on an ordinary plane or come in a boat?"

The Ting Tings are giving away their drum for Mastercard. Yes, you do. The Ting Tings. Apparently they'd only had the drum left as they've sold the rest of their kit for food.

9.11
Confused.com now destroying Chain Reaction with a terrible advert. Nothing should be more upsetting than Go Compare.

@simonth:
When you're at the event itself the 2nd half of the show (i.e. from about now) is a cheap white wine blur. I'm thinking that's on purpose.

@RitchAmes
Here's that Capital FM advert during the Brits, featuring mostly US artists - congrats to JLS and Tinie Tempah for making the grade :(

9.14
Ting Tings have given away their drum. "Could we finish your crisps?" they ask the winner.

Avril Lavigne and Will Young come on together to give a prize, after some stuff about Keys and Gray from Gordon. Because sexism is so bloody funny.

How come Lewis Hamilton gets to present an award on his own and Will Young and Avril have to share?

International Breakthrough goes to Justin Beiber. "I could be his dad or his mum" says Will, confusingly.

Yes, the Brits have given a prize to Beiber. The sound you hear is the value of all the other awards being marked down like Greek Sovereign Debt.

9.17
If Beiber's 16, shouldn't they have dropped by now?

He's trying to bring someone called Mike on stage to share the moment. Mike doesn't come on; perhaps he thinks it's To Catch A Predator - Celebrity Edition.

Boy George - the last musician from the UK America has heard of - is here for British female.

9.19
Did I mention that Corden has tried some ad-libbing?

Fucking hell - Laura Marling. I wouldn't have expected that. It's, like, a well-deserved award. She doesn't look like she expected it, either.

9.21
Arcade Fire doing some live performance now. No armed police on stage. Bless, they're Canadian, so they probably don't understand the rules.

@reaLouiseWener:
Best brit female? Annie Lennox, surely? Or Moyet. It's bound to be Moyet! #Brits

By the way, while we're over here having fun over here, the Commons has just overturned the 40% turnout requirement amendment on the AV Bill. Now would be a good time to riot in the streets, as all the cops are backstage at the Millennium Dome.

9.25
Corden interviews Ronson. "They're my favourite band [Arcade Fire]. They're amazing." "Yes" says Corden, "they're amazing."

Corden tries to keep the Beiber-calling-for-Mike thing going as a running gag. Unfortunately Mark Ronson has no clue what he's talking about.

Take That's album package now. Lots of talk about love over footage of rowing. "We're just starting our journey together."

9.30
It's the only night of the year anyone thinks "I can't wait for ITV News At Ten to start.

@robertnewman:
Still waiting for the Gaye Bykers On Acid reunion on the #Brits

Corden has just suggested Cheryl Cole is on a par with Madonna or Kylie. Is that his waspish sense of humour there?

International Female action time, then. The mighty Robyn's up for this one. Could it be?

No, of course not. You don't think Rihanna turned up just to sing, do you?

Cheryl says that Rihanna's her girl crush. As opposed to that toilet attendant, who was her crushed girl.

9.35
Rihanna: "It doesn't get much bigger than the Brits". Apart from the Grammys, or the Oscars. The BAFTAs. Whatever it is that Rory Cellan-Jones is at.

Corden's jokes are landing so flat you could slide them under a bank vault door, but - let's be fair - he's still nowhere near as awful as Peter Kay was last year. He's not even as embarrassing as the last time he did it.

Neither of those bars, though cleared, are particularly challenging.

9.38
If you're also looking for consolation: rather Tinie Tempah than JLS. At least he can deliver his stuff effectively. Although tonight there's a string section on with him.

"How do you follow that?" asks a gurning Corden, grinning for all the world like a man who's just realised he forgot to set the Sky+ so won't have to sit through this when he gets home.

Dermot O'Leary comes on, and asks the audience to applaud Corden. He doesn't actually pat him on the head, but you wonder if ITV asked him to throw a drowning man a rope.

This is British group time. Take That win, which confirms we're back on the obvious prize route.

9.44
@annagoss
In about 10 seconds Dermot O'Leary did a better job of presenting than Corden has all night

Robbie Williams keeps bellowing "shabba". At least when George Lamb did it, it was only two years too late.

Plan B album package now. It's funny that we now live in age when the record-buying public are too young to know that concept albums are meant to be a bad thing.

Corden is now at a table pointlessly interviewing Plan B. Plan B thinks "a lot more people will be open to hiphop now because of what I done with this record." He's like a rhyming Joe Maplin.

Anasatacia's here now, she's giving away her shoes that she wore on her last tour. Last tour? That must explain why they look like they went out of fashion about 15 years ago then.

There's an advert for Vodafone on now. They're tax-dodging bastards who sucked billions away from the Exchequer, but - oh, they're giving away tickets to see a fashion show so let's forgive them, shall we?

9.50
@ThisisDavina
Ok, got message from friend of voice over lady. Stop mean words... Let's enjoy the show :-)

I think they just showed the wrong break bumper - ought it not to have been someone getting Anastacia's old shoes and not the Ting Tings showing us a guitar?

Roger Daltrey comes on to give the album prize - "good to see the British music industry still has enough money for a good booze-up" he says. Pity it doesn't have the cash for a decent awards show.

Roger says Plan B's performance reminded him of the early days of The Who. He doesn't explain how.

Mumford And Sons have won the best album prize, which I think now means everyone who played live has got a prize, right?

James Corden rushes them off the stage quickly so that Cee Lo can come on and we can all go home. If the Best Album really is the highlight of the evening - which seems to be the new rule of the Brits - why treat the winners like they're being a pain in the arse for enjoying their moment? Especially when there's been time for an interview with Mark Ronson for no apparent reason.

CeeLo has a corsage which appears to be made from Rihanna's discarded dress from earlier.

Paloma Faith has just come on stage in a car. What A TOTALLY UNEXPECTED AND CRAZY COLLABORATION. It's like nothing I have ever seen.

[Producer's note: Please be aware that in the Brits 2012, the part of Paloma Faith will be played by Imelda May.]

I wonder if having done one of Cee's songs, they'll do one of Paloma's. (Actually, I don't).

10.00
And that's it. Not the worst Brits ever. A bit better than last year's. But, oh, the Millennium Dome is an unforgiving dark hole for doing a live TV programme from. Wasn't that the reason they decamped out to Earls' Court in the first place, so it looked like there was an audience present?

James Corden? Snap judgement: he didn't do anywhere near as well as Gordon Smart will say he did in tomorrow's paper. The jokes he did were rancid, and the bits he wasn't doing jokes in had the sincerity of late period Parkinson coupled with the confident delivery of those kids they had doing reports on Why Don't You?

A last word from Twitter:
@phildyson
Dear major record companies. Please fuck and collapse. Do it now you coked up self obsessed wankers

And remember, everyone: they've already signed up James Corden to be back next year. And the year after that. May god have mercy on us all.

Roger Daltrey defends Iggy's insurance spots

BBC News asks Roger Daltrey if selling out isn't so bad after all:

You've just re-released your third album, The Who Sell Out - which attacked the commercialisation of rock. What do you think of people like Iggy Pop making car insurance adverts?

Who cares? Everybody's trying to feed their kids and earn a living. That advert will be gone in two years and people will forget about it. He's still Iggy Pop, he does great performances and he's still a great artist.

It's perhaps unsurprising that Daltrey has no problem with people shuffling from the edge of the counterculture into doing telly spots for financial services products. But he might be kidding himself if thinks nobody will remember them a couple of years on. For example, I can't quite shake the image of, ooh, somebody doing TV spots for American Express from the edge of his trout farm a couple of decades ago...

Doherty teams up with American Express spokesperson

It's not quite the 'Pete Doherty to join The Who' story the headline might have you believe.

It's not even the 'Pete Doherty to replace Pete Townshend' claim the standfirst tries to pitch.

What it is, though, is a proposed live collaboration between Roger Daltrey and Pete Doherty in aid of Daltrey's Teenage Cancer Trust foundation. A man whose greatest moment came singing that he hoped he died before he got old, and a man who has thrown away many of the extraordinary chances luck and life had presented him with. Presumably some sort of act of atonement.

[Thanks to Michael M for the link]

Daltrey: Against forced retirement

Roger Daltrey has called for an end to mandatory retirement at the age of 65. He is, you'll note, 64:

"It's criminal that people are being retired before they are ready to go.

"Many have so much to give but they never get the chance."

It's a good point. People who've been around for a long time are often belittled and treated as if they're in the way. It's almost like people have built their careers on singing about how they'd rather die than get old, isn't it?

Foxton and Daltrey suggest musicians incapable of managing money

Obviously skirting round the awkward fact that the copyright in most recordings is owned by corporations rather than the original musicians, Roger Daltrey and Bruce Foxton have complained that government plans to leave copyright terms untouched will condemn them to penury:

Daltrey told BBC News that musicians rely on royalties as many don't have pensions.

"They are not looking for a handout," he said, "just fair reward for their creative endeavours."

Bruce Foxton, who used to play bass guitar in The Jam, has also spoken on the issue.

"I've played bass on all The Jam tracks, and all we've been asking is that we can earn royalties from those recordings, assuming people keep buying them," he said. "Now I will be faced with losing all that when the time comes, and at a point when age will seriously limit my other earning opportunities."

We reckon Bruce has got another twenty-odd years of earnings which he could, as other people have to with their earnings, sort out his pension scheme in; Daltrey, meanwhile, might be able to squeeze by using his American Express card and income from his trout farm. Of course, if they're really worried about the plight of pensioners, they could try campaigning for a rise in tax rates for top earners so that everyone can look forward to a comfortable old age, rather than making a few musicians rely on there being an audience for work six decades old to be able to live.

Daltrey calls LiveEarth unenvironmental

Roger Daltrey does, of course, have a point when he points out that Live Earth might hurt the planet rather than heal it:

"The last thing the planet needs is a rock concert... I can't believe it. Let's burn even more fuel. We have problems with global warming, but the questions and the answers are so huge I don't know what a rock concert's ever going to do to help.

"My answer is to burn all the fucking oil as quick as possible and then the politicians will have to find a solution."

Um... but if that would actually help, then surely Live Earth is the right thing to do, and, indeed, they should make all the Australian acts fly to London to play and boil some kettles on stage.

The trouble is, though, even if you decide to set aside Daltrey's suggestion, having a pop at Live Earth for harming the world while in the middle of your own world tour, as that doesn't exactly help with the global warming, either, does it?

Daltrey also isn't that impressed by what Live 8 did with the band's assistance, either:

"What did we really achieve at Live 8? We got loads of platitudes and no action. Who were we kidding there?

"At least with Live Aid, Bob Geldof was willing to work the trenches and they did save a lot of lives. We could see what we achieved at the end of it."

Politics, of course, is often invisible. Like carbo dioxide, actually.

Moon "did drive into pool"

Despite what some biographers would try and have you believe, Keith Moon really did drive a car into a swimming pool. There have been attempts to reclassify the event from rock fact to rock myth, but Roger Daltrey says it did happen. And he should know - he had to pay for it:

"It flaming well did happen. We got the $50,000 bill for it.

He could have gone to jail for three years. This was Right-wing America in the Sixties. They just didn't like us long-haired hippies.

People write books and never talk to the band. They just talk to drunks and people who were half there."

"Drunks and half there", to be fair, sums up Keith Moon, too, doesn't it?

Daltrey quits one song in

Last night's Who gig at the Tampa ended somewhat sharply when Roger Daltrey walked off after just onsong. A few moments later, Pete Townshend came on with an explanation:

He told the crowd that Daltrey had bronchitis.

"I just talked to Roger and he can barely speak," Townshend said. "I tried to get him to come out here, but he's really, really sick."

The band will try again March 25th.

Who, where, when. The why and how is up to you.

The Who are playing some enormous gigs this summer:

22 May Birmingham National Indoor Arena
23 Sheffield Arena
25 Newcastle Metro Radio Arena
26 Hull City AFC
01 June Swansea City AFC
23 Cheshire Knowsley Hall
24 Glastonbury Festival
26 London Wembley Arena

The one in Knowsley Hall sounds like a lovely day out, doesn't it?

THAT'S SIR BLOODY JONES TO YOU, BOYO

Ah, the chimes of midnight marking the start of New Year's Eve and the lifting of the embargo on the New Years Honours list - although both the Daily Mirror and the Evening Standard seemed to be happy to jump the official publication of the gongs today. Clearly times are so hard at the Trinity Mirror group the closest they can offer to groundbreaking journalism these days is that Bruce Forsyth has been given a CBE - a "scoop" they get by reading a list of names they've been sent.

Amongst the other names listing people who'll be sidling up to the Queen (if they're lucky) or making do with one of the Princes are Tom Jones, who gets a knighthood.

Roger Daltrey has been given a CBE; Pete Waterman - who is listed as a "Doctor" has picked up an OBE for services to, we don't know, late-night television or something. Irritatingly, the official Number 10 briefing for these handouts don't describe them as being part of the entertainment industry, but instead of as "the cultural economy." Johnny Dankworth also gets a knighthood, to add to his status as being the first musician to have his work aired on Radio One.

Hilariously, Vivienne Westwood has been made a Dame (not that that will stop her pretending to be such a challenge to polite society) and, more fittingly, Jonathan Ive, designer of much of Apple's recent product line has been given what we fully expect headline writers everywhere to describe as the iOBE.

music new years honours ipod apple jonathan ive vivienne westwood johnny dankworth roger daltrey

'I suppose I'd better get round to saying something, then'

'I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER GET ROUND TO SAYING SOMETHING, THEN': Roger Daltrey has strolled up to the support of his bandmate Peter Townshend. Barely weeks after the story first broke, Daltrey has helped out by raking over the ashes and making the whole thing, which had started to die down, return to the headlines again.

Pete must be drafting the 'thank you' card now - "Cheers for reminding everyone that I paid money to a kiddie porn site, Rog; choosing the middle of the furore of 'Is jacko a kiddie-tickler' to make your move has really helped me."

Interestingly, Roger says this is the worst thing he's ever had to deal with - which must piss off Entwistle that 'bloke admits to downloading porn' is harder to cope with than 'friend dies shagging hooker while on massive coke binge' a bit, and then says that "the least police and our society owes Townshend is to make [his case] a priority and get it dealt with as quickly as possible."

It's not quite clear why we, as a society, owe Townshend this speedy treatment. Since Pete says he wasn't doing anything wrong, why should the prospect of going to court cause him any worry? And if he hates child porn with all the passion he claims, wouldn't he rather than devoting their attention to his case, the police prioritised instead the investigations into the other names on their list of kiddie porn subscribers?

After all, it took Mr T several years from punching in his credit card details and looking at the pictures of naked kids to get round to telling the police about the shocking discovery - why should the police suddenly start to get a wriggle on now?