Gordon in the morning: Uncoyling

Gordon has something of a scoop this morning - if it's true - pointing out that Nadine Coyle's attempts to spin her a solo career has failed:

Nadine was even turned down by Girl's Aloud's OWN record company, Polydor, and other labels in the same Universal business group.

Polydor had the first rights to sign any of the five ladies if they wanted to go solo.

A source said: "Nadine had meetings but none of the Universal labels wanted to take her on. She's tried to get a deal elsewhere but with no luck."

This seems a little odd; Nadine being a better singer than Cheryl Cole. Perhaps she's less keen on jumping through hoops? Or maybe she had her own ideas about what she wanted to do, which run contrary to the record company model (= push-up bra, short skirt; whack some shop-bought tune through a computer; promote on Loose Women and GM:TV. Repeat until fade.)

Oh, let's hope she's being difficult. But surely she must have the money to pay for a studio and self-release some stuff?

Still, Gordon seems pretty clear that failing to land a record deal is the end of the dream.

Up to a point, though, as elsewhere it's not even a setback:

Boomtown Brat PIXIE GELDOF is yet to sign her record deal but will be releasing a single soon.

Gordon in the morning: Looking through the transfer window

Hadn't they put the lid on the idea of David Beckham joining AC Milan? Apparently, Gordon says, it's all back on again now, because, erm, Victoria says so:

DAVID BECKHAM has finally got wife VICTORIA to agree his dream move to AC Milan — despite their family being settled in Los Angeles.

Posh and Becks held crunch talks in London ten days ago after he insisted he wanted to end his career with the giants.

Ten days ago? So in other words, before the LA Galaxy negotiators decided that Beckham was staying in LA unless AC Milan put up some extra cash.

Oh.

Milan are supposedly still hopeful of a deal, and David's doing his best to help things:

The England star has been taking Italian lessons for weeks

Ah, Becks always tries to pick up a bit of the local language before any move, although he never got more than a few basic terms while with his current team.

Emily Smith - who is like Gordon Smart but with small rooms overlooking the Hudson - has been trying to get to the bottom of Kate Moss and her "pregnancy". Well, I say "bottom":

Kate: Babies? Just big boobies

Apparently Emily Smith discovered Kate's breasts had grown by following the ancient art of reading a magazine. Philip Green, owner of BHS, was interviewing Moss for a title that Smith doesn't bother to even name. Perhaps her research didn't extend as far as looking at the front page. It was New York magazine - god knows how bad things have got for them if they're reduced to getting the bloke who runs TopShop to file for them. Anyway, Smith dutifully types up the interesting bit:

Kate was joined by billionaire Topshop owner SIR PHILIP GREEN for an interview with a magazine.

He said: “They are a bit bigger than they were, aren’t they?”

Smith gives no indication if she finds this in any way creepy, or unsettling, or inappropriate.

Back with Gordon, and it's time to consider Pixie Geldof's psychic powers:

PIXIE GELDOF knew her sister PEACHES’ marriage wouldn’t last.

The 18-year-old model - daughter of charity campaigner SIRBOB GELDOF - always suspected Peaches’ whirlwind wedding to musician MAX DRUMMEY was destined to fail.

Sadly, Gordon is unable to put these astonishing powers of foretelling the bleedin' obvious to the test, as, erm, he just read an interview in Closer.

Pixie offers help

I have a lot of time for the Samaritans, a charity which does a lot of valuable work. But did they really think it through before inviting Pixie Geldof to front their 'don't worry if your exam results are bad' message this year?

Pixie, the daughter of Live Aid organiser, Bob Geldof and sister to A-lister Peaches, said: "Samaritans is important if you don't have anybody to talk to. If you are worried about exam results, stressed or feeling low, it's always nice to have someone on the outside of everything who doesn't know you and can't judge you.

"I do relaxation exercises and I talk to my friends and get lots of hugs. I like to be around people when I am feeling stressed."

It's good advice - and, seriously, if you're feeling stressed by your results, it is a great idea to talk to someone.

But is Pixie really the person you want to have sharing that message? "Gosh, sometimes I get so stressed, like when the papers put Peaches in and not me, and so I know what it's like. I mean, gosh, if I fail my exam I really don't know what I'd do... I mean, obviously, I'm going to have Daddy sorting me out with a cosy job in the media but it means that any chances of appearing on the front of the Daily Telegraph punching the air with delight would be... you know... gone or something..."

That Pixie starts burbling on about how she gets hugs from her friends to cheer herself up shows, in itself, she might not be the ideal person to reach out to those who feel totally isolated.

Bob Geldof: patron saint of lost causes

Given that Peaches TV work relied very heavily on Bob's involvement with television production companies, it's only fair, we guess, that Geldof is threatening to "assist" Pixie with what Showbiz Zoezoezoe describes as "musical domination":

A pal said: "Pixie plays guitar really well. Her dad Bob says he will help her get representation once she's finished her A-levels."

Mind you, given that Bob's record on music isn't that great - not counting songs about snowfall failing in Africa, when did he last trouble the top ten? - Pixie might be better off not dropping daddy's name.

Gordon in the morning: Young girls

Gordon is thrilled this morning, as you can, if you have the inclination and a high quality zoom, spot the outline of Pixie Geldof's nipples:

PIXIE GELDOF’s quirky clothes and customised rollerskates were not the only things standing out from the crowd at a roller disco.

The cheeky but cheerful madam must have got dressed in a hurry and forgot to put on a bra.

There's nothing at all creepy about a man running pictures of a girl who isn't yet 18 so that people can look at her nipples. Nothing creepy at all.

But it might explain why Ron Wood is getting such a gentle ride on the Bizarre pages.

Gordon in the morning: Innocent victims

It's not much, but Gordon tries gamely to make a story out of Pixie Geldof leaving a shop with a dress she hasn't paid for.

Rich people like Pixie don't shop in stores where alarms go off when you carry stock out; it's probably why those who do pay end up paying such ridiculous prices for their trousers.

Peaches, apparently, had confused the dress with a scarf:

[S]he then returned with her tail between her legs, explaining she had picked the dress up by mistake because it was the same colour as her scarf.

When she brought the dress back the next day it had the label ripped out. But to make up for the misunderstanding, generous Peaches decided to keep it and paid up.

Presumably the label was ripped out as she sought to discover how her scarf had somehow turned into a dress.

Oddly, Gordon runs a series of pictures of Madonna's children because, erm, they went for a meal.

We're not quite sure how that fits with the Press Complaints Commission code of practice rule 6.v:

v) Editors must not use the fame, notoriety or position of a parent or guardian as sole justification for publishing details of a child’s private life.

I'm sure we're just missing the justification here.

Amy Winehouse's open house

Rav Singh - who, clearly, is hoping that Amy Winehouse has no reputation she'd be seeking to save through legal action - reports on a Winehouse party, trying to make the claim 'Winehouse does drugs' to have some sort of shock value:

WASTED AMY WINEHOUSE snorted cocaine at a party last week with Sir BOB GELDOF'S teen daughter PIXIE just a few feet away.

I can reveal that the troubled singer sneaked off to the toilet to snort line after line—leaving guests in no doubt that she's still hooked on drugs.

The news that Pixie, 17, was in the next room to crack addict Amy is bound to make dad Bob hit the roof.

Rav can't quite pin down where the party took place - sometimes the piece makes references to "at her Camden home", but then also writes the article as if it was in some other place. It's not exactly a good basis for a story when the writer can't even pin down where the things which happened are supposed to have happened.

And surely it'd be slightly hypocritical of Geldof to worry about his daughter being "in the next room" to Winehouse more than her apparent carousing in general?

Pixie dusted

There's coverage of Pixie Geldof's suspension from school following drinking escapades, padded out with photos lifted from facebook. They add in some lurid detail - "Bacardi Breezers", "caught smoking".

We're not entirely sure how this squares with the Press Complaints Commission code of practice:

i) Young people should be free to complete their time at school without unnecessary intrusion.
[...]
v) Editors must not use the fame, notoriety or position of a parent or guardian as sole justification for publishing details of a child’s private life.

Presumably, the News would try and argue they were running the story about an otherwise unremarkable teenager on the basis that she is the sister of Peaches rather than the daughter of Bob.

Mind you, judging by this picture of her from the NOTW website, maybe she's let her self go so badly we need this intervention.

More joined-up thinking from the Daily Mail

Visitors to the Mail's website can read the harrowing story of Tina Stock, who discovered her husband's child porn collection by accident - she stumbled across sexualised images of a seventeen year-old, which prompted her to dig further and discover more hardcore pictures.

On the side of the article, there's a link to another piece: about Pixie Geldof, which promises:

Pixie Geldof makes a splash when she walks around London in what is possibly the world's shortest dress

and then, in the 'article' itself, allows itself to drool:

She's obviously so delighted to be out of school, rebellious Pixie Geldof has gone that one step further and ventured out minus a skirt.

The 16-year-old was seen strutting out-and-about in London, in what seemed the world's shortest dress.

So short in fact, her underwear was visibly noticeable from behind.

Let's hope no partners stumble in and discover their husbands looking at Mail's sexualised images of sixteen year-olds.

Pixie fuss

Again, to the Daily Mail, which runs a story and a photo about one of Bob Geldof's kids, Pixie, being thrown out a nightclub:

The 15-year-old youngest daughter of Sir Bob and the late Paula Yates was thrown out of London's exclusive nightclub Paper at the weekend after security guards finally did the math and realised she was far too young to be there.

So, the bouncers did the maths (what's with the Mail using the American "math", by the way?), but did anyone at the Mail?

A quick look at the Press Complaints Commission code on reporting about children shows that, while Pixie shouldn't have been in a nightclub, she shouldn't have been in the Mail, either:

A child under 16 must not be interviewed or photographed on issues involving their own or another child’s welfare unless a custodial parent or similarly responsible adult consents.
[...]
Editors must not use the fame, notoriety or position of a parent or guardian as sole justification for publishing details of a child’s private life.

We'd be fascinated to know how 'Geldof's daughter in a nightclub' squared with the code.