Glastonbury 2015: The impossible happened

Who knew that, faced with Kanye West headlining the main stage, it was possible for the density of the self-regarding worn-out unwelcomeds to increase from there?

But it did:

KANYE West's Glastonbury performance was interrupted by an intruder.

The rapper, who was performing on the pyramid stage on Saturday, was greeted by comedian Lee Nelson.

Do you still count as a "comedian" if you have one joke that is so tired it doesn't even wake up when on stage at Glastonbury?

Taking to his Twitter to explain his reasons for joining Kanye on stage, Lee wrote: "Some people were saying Kanye shouldn't headline Glastonbury so I thought I'd give him a hand."

That doesn't even make sense.

Choosing not to address the stage invasion, proud wife Kim took to her Instagram to post a picture of the rapper on stage, along with the caption: "Glastonbury 2015! Craziest show ever!!!!!"

Hold on a moment, OK magazine - maybe Kim was talking about the stage invasion there. Or maybe she didn't even realise that Lee Nelson wasn't part of the act. (Okay, it seems unlikely - if West was going to draft in a comedy stage invasion, there'd be some clunky piece of cross-promotion with a "project". At least Nelson wasn't promoting an energy drink or TLC reality show.)

Can't catch Kanye

If we're to believe the Daily Star, Kanye West has spent a million dollars on kidnap-proof cars.

That makes no sense. Who would want to kidnap a car?

Oh. Apparently it's to protect the people in the cars. Surely the knowledge that if they kidnapped Kanye or Kim Kardashian, they'd have to spend time with them, is a better defence that any armoured car?

Gordon in the morning: Man and woman leave restaurant after finishing meal

A slightly bemusing story - although, obviously, one every word of which has been double- and triple-checked for accuracy - as Gordon reports Kim Kardashian and Kanye West left a restuarant where Jay-Z was having a party:

A source said: “Jay expected Kay and Kim to mingle.

"But as soon as Kim whispered in Kanye’s ear, they left.”

To be honest, I think if Kim Kardashian came up to me talking, I'd leave wherever I was, too. Although I'd be alarmed if she followed.