Jay Kay can't listen to the radio

Modern music? Ooh, it's just rubbish, I don't know how young people can listen to it, says great uncle Jay Kay:

"There's just too much manufactured nonsense for me these days - lads in boybands who are getting a wage from the label.

"I consider myself very lucky indeed to have had the career I have. I listen to the radio now and you can't tell artists apart."

And there's no tunes any more, and you can't make out the words. And the clothes they wear! Like nothing you've ever seen. What time is Countdown on?

Actually, we do agree with him on one point: he is bloody lucky to have had the career he did.

Gordon in the morning: Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole - an apology

Hitherto, we might have given the impression that Minogue and Cole's position as judges on The X Factor to be a moral wrong, on the basis that they have never shown any nous at judging music. It turns out that isn't totally the case:

SINGER Jay Kay has lashed out at X Factor judges Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue again - for refusing to applaud his performance on the show.

Sometimes, it turns out, they do get it right.

Gordon's report reveals that Jay Kay is still smarting:

Jay Kay insisted The X Factor was a "TV celebrity show, not a proper music thing", and said it wasn't about picking the best singers but revelling in others' misfortune.

Kay then said "and you know what? Last Of The Summer Wine isn't anything like a true picture of old age in modern Britain. Most pensioners are struggling to make ends meet, not swooshing down hillsides in bathtubs. And In The Midnight Garden? I stayed up until past one am and there wasn't a single Iggle Piggle in my arbour..."

Gordon in the morning: Sky Blunt

Could the story about James Blunt playing a gig on a plane get any more toe-curling?

JAMES BLUNT took time out from recording his third album to claim a new world record yesterday - playing the highest-ever gig.

How about if it involves Jay Kay as well?

He performed in a plane at 42,000ft, smashing the previous record set by JAMIROQUAI in 2007 when they gigged at 35,000ft.

And James vowed to rub pal JAY KAY's face in it. He said: "I'm going to ring and have a good gloat. I can't resist."

Heart FM underwrote this jaunt - strange for a radio company which doesn't think it has the cash to do decent local radio that it's chartering planes for drones.

There was one bright spot in the story, though:

After the gig, sorted by radio station Heart FM, [Blunt] said: "I've reached the peak of my career. I'll have to retire."

Well, yes. You actually reached the peak of your career when people bought You're Beautiful in large numbers. But retirement... yes, why not?

Sadly, he's only joking, and fully intends to launch a new album soon. Jay Kay is probably on the phone to NASA.

Jay Kay's car smashed

It's interesting when the standard practice on TV now is to blur any and all car number plates that appear on screen, tonight's Look East left Jay Kay's Ferrari's personalised number to remain in clear view. While the reporter explained that Jay Kay was "disappointed" by the attack - a pastry chef has been accused of smashing the vehicle. Kay believes that someone smashing his car window "says something about the British psyche".

Although the British psyche might feel entitled to ask what spending a million pounds on a car that you couldn't even take an old oven to the tip in says about Jay Kay's Id.

If you get a chance to see the Look East report [online for 24 hours from about now, and then maybe 20 minutes in] there is a splendid moment designed to burn off any residual sympathy mindless vandalism might have generated in the observer, as Kay declines to give an interview but instead dances in the background of the piece like a twelve year-old kid on white cider.

The street party falls silent

Oh, bugger. That's what you get when you put your faith in the 3AM Girls. This is currently on Music Week's subscriber website:

Jamiroquai is not quitting music, despite reports in the Daily Mirror this morning.

The soul star reportedly told the paper that he is fed up with touring and wanted to spend the rest of his time flying his helicopter and "looking for the right lady to have children with".

But a spokesman for Jamiroquai says he is considering his future options after separating from Sony BMG, and is taking a break before beginning work on a new studio album for release next year.

However, when he's seen how happy he's made people when they thought he was giving up, maybe he'll do the decent thing.

Mother, fetch the bunting from under the bed - it's time for a street party

Sometimes, you have to read things twice to make sure the news you're reading is every bit as good as you think. To save you the trouble, we'll just write this twice:

Jay Kay has quit music
Jay Kay has quit music.

There's a statement for you to savour:

"I haven't been happy there for a while," Jay admitted. "I've had some ups and downs but in the end the downs were just too many. When we talked about me leaving, I jumped at the chance."

"I might be back if I get my inspiration again, but who knows," he told [3AM]. "I'm bored. I don't want to go back on the road. We all need a rest to be honest. I don't need the money or a deal. One minute I would be promoting a single with one team and the next they brought different people in and expected me to go along with it.

"There was no way in hell I was doing that. I'm just tired of the format and wanted to call it a day with them."

Yes, so low had Kay's star sunk that he was reduced to "breaking" the news through the 3AM Girl's column - presumably Newsround would have been the next port of call.