Good evening, you are now tuning in to "Monthly updates of my life" with me, your host for this evening, Miss Chin.
This month's headlines:
1) Miss Chin has finally decided to take on a part time job
2) The Reunion
3) Ant Attack!
Miss Chin has finally decided to take on a part time job
Miss Chin was spotted at the Kumon Center in Centrepoint Bandar Utama where she allegedly teaches mathematics and english to young children aging from 3 to 10++ years old. When interviewed early this morning, we learned that Miss Chin had dug out some of her old mathematics books to study in preparation for questions asked by students. Miss Chin had also flipped through the dictionary and visited english websites to pick out words for "spelling" and several antonyms to be used as excercises. She commented that her high school additional mathematics had been "rusty" and needed some polishing. When questioned about her wage, Miss Chin simply suggested that the rate could be "improved" but refused to comment any further.
The Reunion
With the return of Jahsaur from the country down under, a reunion between four good friends (Jahsaur, Chris, Hann Meng and Yours Truly) took place in the busy areas of the Curve and Cineleisure shopping malls. Wondering like headless chickens around the enclosure, the four friends finally settled on an Indonesian place which caught the attention of Jahsaur from it's unique and "cute" name, Warong Penyet. With full stomachs, the four friends then journeyed to a hang out spot in Cineleisure to play a game of pool or two. There they witnessed the rise of a champion karaoke singer who sang as if there was no tomorrow, all by himself. A touching scene indeed. After the adventure, all four friends parted ways and returned to their humble abodes.
Ant Attack!
Shortly after her meet up with Jahsaur, Chris and Hann Meng, Miss Chin recieved a phone call from another good friend. The good friend, How Ee invited Miss Chin to accompany her to Centrepoint to puchase a christmas gift. Miss Chin gladly said yes to the invitation and proceeded to walk to Centrepoint from her house with How Ee. While standing on a grassy road divider, Miss Chin felt a sharp pain on her left foot. As she bent down to investigate this sharp pain, Miss Chin saw several big red ants crawling all over her foot. The red ants had sunk their teeth into her foot, there was nothing Miss Chin could do.
Up until now, Miss Chin still complaints of an "itchy and ugly foot".
Miss Chin was also attacked by ants in her home, after taking a shower. The incident took place over the sink, where Miss Chin attempted to brush her hair with a comb. Without her knowledge, little black ants were crawling all over her comb. When Miss Chin picked up the comb and brushed her hair, the army of ants attacked her scalp and forehead. The tingling sensation sent Miss Chin's head straight into the sink, under the running water. Now fearful of ants, Miss Chin vows to take revenge....one day.....
And there you have it, the top stories of this month. Stay tuned for more updates in the future. Bye for now and Happy Holidays everyone!
The World is Not at Peace
Most of you would know that Mumbai is now the latest target of Islamic terrorists. These wicked criminals will stop at nothing to get what they demand, even if it means killing their own people, their own countrymen, their own blood relations. One can only imagine how much hatred these immoral people have in them to be able destroy the country they live in.
Perhaps they're just too ignorant and too stupid to care about how these attacks affect not only peoples lives but the economy and the livelihood of the country. If affects how the community lives, and it affects ultimately, their own families.
The terrorist's sucessful attacks on both Mumbai and Bali showcase not only what these villians are capable of achieving but also what third world countries are lacking - proper Government ruling.
Corruption is a major issue in many developing countries and it is precisely why terrorist activity can be bred at an alarming pace. Without the erradication of corruption on the police force and on government officials and without stricter regulations, it is almost guaranteed that terrorists will strike again. People no longer feel safe in thier own home, let alone in a different country.
What has this world become? And how did it come to this?
These issues are not recent. They have persist for many years, even before Bill Clinton became the US president. Through the years, presidents try and try again to reach an agreement with the inhumane terrorist but to no avail. When George W.Bush took office in 2001, he inherited these unresolved issues, and being the forceful person he is, tried to combat terrorism with brute force. Some argue that this is how the terrorist situation should be dealt with and others disagree. Whatever it is, it is clear that there is much more we have not done.
The new President-elect Barack Obama will also fall heir to these problems, which have undoubtedly snow-balled through the years. Lets just hope that the policy he puts forth towards combating terrorism will finally achieve something.
I don't believe people can live without some sort of fear anymore. Nobody trusts their governments anymore, not with the economic downturn and terrorist bombings. Let's just hope we bounce back and bounce fast.
Perhaps they're just too ignorant and too stupid to care about how these attacks affect not only peoples lives but the economy and the livelihood of the country. If affects how the community lives, and it affects ultimately, their own families.
The terrorist's sucessful attacks on both Mumbai and Bali showcase not only what these villians are capable of achieving but also what third world countries are lacking - proper Government ruling.
Corruption is a major issue in many developing countries and it is precisely why terrorist activity can be bred at an alarming pace. Without the erradication of corruption on the police force and on government officials and without stricter regulations, it is almost guaranteed that terrorists will strike again. People no longer feel safe in thier own home, let alone in a different country.
What has this world become? And how did it come to this?
These issues are not recent. They have persist for many years, even before Bill Clinton became the US president. Through the years, presidents try and try again to reach an agreement with the inhumane terrorist but to no avail. When George W.Bush took office in 2001, he inherited these unresolved issues, and being the forceful person he is, tried to combat terrorism with brute force. Some argue that this is how the terrorist situation should be dealt with and others disagree. Whatever it is, it is clear that there is much more we have not done.
The new President-elect Barack Obama will also fall heir to these problems, which have undoubtedly snow-balled through the years. Lets just hope that the policy he puts forth towards combating terrorism will finally achieve something.
I don't believe people can live without some sort of fear anymore. Nobody trusts their governments anymore, not with the economic downturn and terrorist bombings. Let's just hope we bounce back and bounce fast.
Not so "chicken-soup" for the soul
Spending a few days at home has been pretty relaxing albeit boring. Too bad petrol is no longer subsidized by the government and hence dad now prefers to take the small car to work and I don't get to drive anywhere.
My activities at home include watching Chuck, reading (or rather nerding out of interest) about a book I initially thought was a non-fiction; light reading novel/story book but instead is a textbook-ish paperback about string theory. Nevertheless, since I've already started it, I have to finish it.
After watching the last available episode of Chuck and one episode of Gossip Girl, I decided that I'd kill time by baking. During the holidays long ago, my brother and myself used to bake stuff just to get through the day.It used up at least 2 hours of my day. But today, baking a simple orange cake only took 1 hour, half the time it usually took (you see, in the good ol' days, we didn't have the ingenious cake mixer to do the dirty work for us. We had to cream butter and mix stuff with a big salad bowl, a wooden spatula and our biceps and triceps! Hence, it took twice as long to bake). Anyway, since bro is currently in the UK, I seek some company in my maid (or rather she had no one to talk to and decided to bond with me).
I've quite literally been brought up by caretakers since I was born. Both mum and dad are hard workers and so they left the cooking and cleaning and taking care of baby Xiaowen and baby Guozheng (my bro) to maids or nannies. Talking to my maid isn't something new for me, my maids like to tell me stories about thier lives and I'm more than happy to just sit and listen during lunch.
So while bonding with my new maid (she's been with us for 4 months), she tells me stories about her previous employers and a little bit about the family she left behind in Indonesia. As with most Indonesian workers who travel overseas to work, their stories are not the "chicken-soup for the soul" type. These people have been through extremely tough times, they live in sheer poverty and many of them fight to survive, day-by-day. Listening to them makes you much more aware of the how lucky you really are. It's no wonder some people treat their maids like one of their own family members out of sympathy.
So it seems that my new maid has some sad stories of her own. I learned that all her kids have passed some years ago due to some unknown cause while she was working in Malaysia for another employer. Her hand and thigh had been operated on 3 times and she was hospitalised for 2 months because she was bitten by a huge dog belonging to her previous Singaporean employer ( the employer apparently has 7 dogs). I feel sorry for her honestly, she lost all 5 kids at once due to some unknown reason and had to be bitten by huge dogs!
On the bright side, her Singaporean employers did bring her to Hong Kong for holiday, all expenses paid for. I suppose the employers felt guilty because their dogs attacked her. :P
I'm not sure why I'm telling you the story of my maid's life. I suppose I'm just touched and I've learned yet again that I'm born extremely lucky. Sometimes it isn't all about having a Porche or a Ferarri parked in the garage. Having loads of money doesn't make you a lucky person. I think many people need to know that.
My activities at home include watching Chuck, reading (or rather nerding out of interest) about a book I initially thought was a non-fiction; light reading novel/story book but instead is a textbook-ish paperback about string theory. Nevertheless, since I've already started it, I have to finish it.
After watching the last available episode of Chuck and one episode of Gossip Girl, I decided that I'd kill time by baking. During the holidays long ago, my brother and myself used to bake stuff just to get through the day.It used up at least 2 hours of my day. But today, baking a simple orange cake only took 1 hour, half the time it usually took (you see, in the good ol' days, we didn't have the ingenious cake mixer to do the dirty work for us. We had to cream butter and mix stuff with a big salad bowl, a wooden spatula and our biceps and triceps! Hence, it took twice as long to bake). Anyway, since bro is currently in the UK, I seek some company in my maid (or rather she had no one to talk to and decided to bond with me).
I've quite literally been brought up by caretakers since I was born. Both mum and dad are hard workers and so they left the cooking and cleaning and taking care of baby Xiaowen and baby Guozheng (my bro) to maids or nannies. Talking to my maid isn't something new for me, my maids like to tell me stories about thier lives and I'm more than happy to just sit and listen during lunch.
So while bonding with my new maid (she's been with us for 4 months), she tells me stories about her previous employers and a little bit about the family she left behind in Indonesia. As with most Indonesian workers who travel overseas to work, their stories are not the "chicken-soup for the soul" type. These people have been through extremely tough times, they live in sheer poverty and many of them fight to survive, day-by-day. Listening to them makes you much more aware of the how lucky you really are. It's no wonder some people treat their maids like one of their own family members out of sympathy.
So it seems that my new maid has some sad stories of her own. I learned that all her kids have passed some years ago due to some unknown cause while she was working in Malaysia for another employer. Her hand and thigh had been operated on 3 times and she was hospitalised for 2 months because she was bitten by a huge dog belonging to her previous Singaporean employer ( the employer apparently has 7 dogs). I feel sorry for her honestly, she lost all 5 kids at once due to some unknown reason and had to be bitten by huge dogs!
On the bright side, her Singaporean employers did bring her to Hong Kong for holiday, all expenses paid for. I suppose the employers felt guilty because their dogs attacked her. :P
I'm not sure why I'm telling you the story of my maid's life. I suppose I'm just touched and I've learned yet again that I'm born extremely lucky. Sometimes it isn't all about having a Porche or a Ferarri parked in the garage. Having loads of money doesn't make you a lucky person. I think many people need to know that.
Home Grounds
I'm back!
Finally, after the semi-torturous, semi-enjoyable year, I've touched down on home grounds.
The flight home was alright, apart from the one-hour long queue at the check-in counter and the flight delay. The movies on the flight were not very good tho...I watched most of the interesting ones before the flight and there wasn't really anything else to watch. I ended up watching Mamma Mia!, Journey to the center of the earth and Angus, Thongs and Perfect snogging ( i think that was the title). I have to say, coming from me, a person who doens't really watch fantasy or science fiction movies, Journey to the center of the earth was actually pretty good. It was comical and action packed at the same time and although it's science fiction and all, it did kinda make sense (if you're willing to believe that there is a "new world" at the center of the earth). I imagine it would be a good movie to watch in the cinema. I was trying not to giggle too loud while watching the movie cause everyone else was sleeping on the plane and I'd look like a maniac if I laughed.
Oh, and one of my nectarine was squashed. Poor fruit.
Malaysia hasn't changed much, except for the opening of a few shops here and there and the closure of a few coffee beans and starbucks outlets. It's been raining pretty heavily these past two days but otherwise the weather is fine (and when I mean fine, I mean it's still polluted and dusty). My nose has been acting up abit, the dust + the rainy weather = Xiaowen sneezing more than usual...so yeah, I hope I don't fall sick. Haven't actually fell sick this year and I hope it'll stay that way.
I need a job. I think I'm going to be quite bored.
Finally, after the semi-torturous, semi-enjoyable year, I've touched down on home grounds.
The flight home was alright, apart from the one-hour long queue at the check-in counter and the flight delay. The movies on the flight were not very good tho...I watched most of the interesting ones before the flight and there wasn't really anything else to watch. I ended up watching Mamma Mia!, Journey to the center of the earth and Angus, Thongs and Perfect snogging ( i think that was the title). I have to say, coming from me, a person who doens't really watch fantasy or science fiction movies, Journey to the center of the earth was actually pretty good. It was comical and action packed at the same time and although it's science fiction and all, it did kinda make sense (if you're willing to believe that there is a "new world" at the center of the earth). I imagine it would be a good movie to watch in the cinema. I was trying not to giggle too loud while watching the movie cause everyone else was sleeping on the plane and I'd look like a maniac if I laughed.
Oh, and one of my nectarine was squashed. Poor fruit.
**********
My results are out and I'm pretty happy with what I got, although I could have done better with the coursework but neeehhh...it's over and I'm satisfied with my mark :)Malaysia hasn't changed much, except for the opening of a few shops here and there and the closure of a few coffee beans and starbucks outlets. It's been raining pretty heavily these past two days but otherwise the weather is fine (and when I mean fine, I mean it's still polluted and dusty). My nose has been acting up abit, the dust + the rainy weather = Xiaowen sneezing more than usual...so yeah, I hope I don't fall sick. Haven't actually fell sick this year and I hope it'll stay that way.
I need a job. I think I'm going to be quite bored.
The Office Receptionist
There I was, the newbie of the group, the youngest of the department, sitting quietly in the tea room trying to enjoy my lunch while the odd receptionist sits in front of me, reading a magazine and chewing away.
It shouldn't have taken that long, but I eventually initiated a conversation with the receptionist. And so, after using Britney Spears as an ice-breaker, Bernie the receptionist and myself, talked for another 20 minutes before she headed back to her desk.
From then on, whenever I wasn't over at the Bio21 having lunch, I'd be sitting in the tea room enjoying Bernie's company.
Soon enough, I found out that Bernie yielded from my home country more than 20 years ago, is still single and living alone, cooks, and is a very polite person who says "Pleasure" whenever you say "See you later" or " thanks".
Despite the many times I reminded Bernie that I was a humble Honours student from the Biochemistry Dept and not a medical student, she manages to still sneak in the "I'm sure you'll be a great doctor someday" line. I gave up telling her I'm not a medic student and just took it in my pride that someone thought I'd be a great doctor.
Bernie was quite traditional in the way she did things. She still had a Phonebook on her desk which she uses to jot down telephone numbers. I quite honestly didn't think people still used Phonebooks, not with the technology available to you right now! Nevertheless, she was still a very helpful and polite receptionist that went out of her way to get things done for you.
Yesterday, I went to look for Bernie to ask her if she had some transparency film I could use for a presentation. Bernie was busy on the computer and being polite, I knocked on her door to get her attention, even though the door was WIDE open and you were meant to just walk in. Bernie greeted me with the usual hello, and I put forth my request and then she redirected me somewhere else to get the film. So I went to the IT person's office to get the film and walked back, passing by Bernie's office.
As I was about to approach the end of the corridor and push open another door, I turned my back and saw Bernie walking towards me. She held up her hand as if to make a "stop" or "hold the door" or " it's ok" gesture. I couldn't decide if she wanted me to stop, or to hold the door or whether it was ok to go off because she was heading to a different direction. So, I just closed the door behind me and headed for the stairs. Then I heard the door open again and Bernie stepped out. She called out to me, and so I stopped.
Bernie: Hey Xiaowen, I wanted to tell you something
Me: mm hmm
Bernie: Next time you come into my office, don't knock on the door. Just come in OK?
Me: Oh..er.... OK
Bernie: Alright. That's all I wanted to tell you. Ok See you later.
Me: Alright. Thanks. I'll just walk in the office next time. See ya!
Bernie: Pleasure.
I then continued down the stairs, rolling my eyes at myself and wondering why Bernie chased me down the corridor just to tell me not to knock on her door before entering. Weird!
I still like Bernie though, in spite of her oddness!
LOL
It shouldn't have taken that long, but I eventually initiated a conversation with the receptionist. And so, after using Britney Spears as an ice-breaker, Bernie the receptionist and myself, talked for another 20 minutes before she headed back to her desk.
From then on, whenever I wasn't over at the Bio21 having lunch, I'd be sitting in the tea room enjoying Bernie's company.
Soon enough, I found out that Bernie yielded from my home country more than 20 years ago, is still single and living alone, cooks, and is a very polite person who says "Pleasure" whenever you say "See you later" or " thanks".
Despite the many times I reminded Bernie that I was a humble Honours student from the Biochemistry Dept and not a medical student, she manages to still sneak in the "I'm sure you'll be a great doctor someday" line. I gave up telling her I'm not a medic student and just took it in my pride that someone thought I'd be a great doctor.
Bernie was quite traditional in the way she did things. She still had a Phonebook on her desk which she uses to jot down telephone numbers. I quite honestly didn't think people still used Phonebooks, not with the technology available to you right now! Nevertheless, she was still a very helpful and polite receptionist that went out of her way to get things done for you.
Yesterday, I went to look for Bernie to ask her if she had some transparency film I could use for a presentation. Bernie was busy on the computer and being polite, I knocked on her door to get her attention, even though the door was WIDE open and you were meant to just walk in. Bernie greeted me with the usual hello, and I put forth my request and then she redirected me somewhere else to get the film. So I went to the IT person's office to get the film and walked back, passing by Bernie's office.
As I was about to approach the end of the corridor and push open another door, I turned my back and saw Bernie walking towards me. She held up her hand as if to make a "stop" or "hold the door" or " it's ok" gesture. I couldn't decide if she wanted me to stop, or to hold the door or whether it was ok to go off because she was heading to a different direction. So, I just closed the door behind me and headed for the stairs. Then I heard the door open again and Bernie stepped out. She called out to me, and so I stopped.
Bernie: Hey Xiaowen, I wanted to tell you something
Me: mm hmm
Bernie: Next time you come into my office, don't knock on the door. Just come in OK?
Me: Oh..er.... OK
Bernie: Alright. That's all I wanted to tell you. Ok See you later.
Me: Alright. Thanks. I'll just walk in the office next time. See ya!
Bernie: Pleasure.
I then continued down the stairs, rolling my eyes at myself and wondering why Bernie chased me down the corridor just to tell me not to knock on her door before entering. Weird!
I still like Bernie though, in spite of her oddness!
LOL
To Cheok Liang: Here's the update!
Now that I've got extra time on my hands, it's time for an update.
Dear Blog,
I apologise for neglecting you over the past few months. You see, the past two months have been really hectic as I was struggling to finish my thesis in time before my supervisor went off two weeks earlier than the submission date.
I've finally handed in the thesis and although I picked up several mistakes after submission, I choose not to care about the damn thing or worry too much. 'What's done is done' and it is perhaps a good idea for me to just let go and relax. After all, it has been a long year and I do deserve a holiday.
So what's next for me?
Truth is, I don't know. My PR has not been granted and probably won't be granted that soon anyway seeing as how they opened a new processing center in Brisbane and my application got shipped there. Hopefully I'll get it before the job recruitment season in March so that I don't miss out. Otherwise, I might just apply for a demonstrating job in the Uni. Heard they pay well! I'm not really fussy about how much I earn at the moment, as long as I earn enough to be independent and not depend on mum and dad anymore. I'm a big girl now :)
(Bro's Uni fees is freakin ex weh....luckily exchange rate dropped abit)
I'll be going back to my beloved home country in about a week's time. Funny how it still seems so far away. Now that I'm more relaxed and not rushing to finish anything (other than prep-ing for the oral defence), time is much slower. I wake up once after 8 hours of sleep (my biological clock..can't help it), squint at the clock and then go back to sleep for another 2 hours.
Ahh, haven't done that in a while. Might as well enjoy that luxury before I start working :P
Speaking of work, I think I'm ready. I know I'm ready. I'm actually pretty excited to start working although I have no clue as to where to start looking. I'd probably stick to what I know best, then maybe deviate in the future. Besides, the economy isn't doing that well right now, it's probably going to be a tough battle looking for jobs, especially in the Finance sector.
Speaking of, I did try to apply to some pharmaceutical companies seeking internships. Nobody even read my resume. That sucks. I was looking forward to an internship when I got home, rather than just slouching around the house for a couple of months!
Like I told my housemates, maybe I'll take up sewing lessons! LOL
Ok then, that's it from me now.
Totally excited about going home and nervous about the Oral defence thing.
Wish me luck! :)
Dear Blog,
I apologise for neglecting you over the past few months. You see, the past two months have been really hectic as I was struggling to finish my thesis in time before my supervisor went off two weeks earlier than the submission date.
I've finally handed in the thesis and although I picked up several mistakes after submission, I choose not to care about the damn thing or worry too much. 'What's done is done' and it is perhaps a good idea for me to just let go and relax. After all, it has been a long year and I do deserve a holiday.
So what's next for me?
Truth is, I don't know. My PR has not been granted and probably won't be granted that soon anyway seeing as how they opened a new processing center in Brisbane and my application got shipped there. Hopefully I'll get it before the job recruitment season in March so that I don't miss out. Otherwise, I might just apply for a demonstrating job in the Uni. Heard they pay well! I'm not really fussy about how much I earn at the moment, as long as I earn enough to be independent and not depend on mum and dad anymore. I'm a big girl now :)
(Bro's Uni fees is freakin ex weh....luckily exchange rate dropped abit)
I'll be going back to my beloved home country in about a week's time. Funny how it still seems so far away. Now that I'm more relaxed and not rushing to finish anything (other than prep-ing for the oral defence), time is much slower. I wake up once after 8 hours of sleep (my biological clock..can't help it), squint at the clock and then go back to sleep for another 2 hours.
Ahh, haven't done that in a while. Might as well enjoy that luxury before I start working :P
Speaking of work, I think I'm ready. I know I'm ready. I'm actually pretty excited to start working although I have no clue as to where to start looking. I'd probably stick to what I know best, then maybe deviate in the future. Besides, the economy isn't doing that well right now, it's probably going to be a tough battle looking for jobs, especially in the Finance sector.
Speaking of, I did try to apply to some pharmaceutical companies seeking internships. Nobody even read my resume. That sucks. I was looking forward to an internship when I got home, rather than just slouching around the house for a couple of months!
Like I told my housemates, maybe I'll take up sewing lessons! LOL
Ok then, that's it from me now.
Totally excited about going home and nervous about the Oral defence thing.
Wish me luck! :)
What makes us human
In the words of J.K Rowling:
"Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared."
"Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s minds, imagine themselves into other people’s places."
Imagination. Compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. Emotions. Those virtues are what sets us humans apart. To be able to imagine ourselves in other people's places. To be able to feel hurt, joy, pain, love. To be able to react to emotions.
If the above is true for all humans, then how do you explain the behaviour of Doctors? The first thing a Doctor needs to let go is his empathy, sympathy and compassion. The first thing they tell you as a doctor is not to be emotionally attached to your patients. Can you imagine yourself that way? With no compassion, no sympathy, no mercy? I don't think I can.
Grey's Anatomy is one of my favourite drama series, and I'll tell you why. Number one: because it tickles every human emotion possible and; Number Two: It is so much more than just love-hate drama. It puts your emotions on overdrive and forces you to express feelings of compassion, empathy and sympathy. It makes you wonder. It makes you imagine.
Now imagine:
a Major car accident has just occured involving several vehicles. Two strangers, a native american man touching 60 years old and a beautiful blond lady age 26 years has been stabbed by a long pole the size of a handrail. The man is married, happy and has a great life. The lady is newly enganged and about to be married. They are both struck by the SAME pole such that the man is on one end of the pole and the lady on the other. The pole has penetrated both their bodies.
They are sent to a hospital, still concious and responsive.
The pole is the only thing keeping them alive, once the pole is removed, they might both bleed to death. The man is stabbed at the abdomen and the lady is stabbed near her heart, making her less likely to survive. Beacuse they are both struck by the same pole, it is extremly difficult to remove either one of them without hurting the other. One must die in order to save the other.
The man tells the young lady: ' you should be saved. You have a whole life ahead of you. I'm 60 years old, I've lived a full life and I couldn't ask for more. If it's between us, I should be the one to go. I'm ready'
The lady replies, with tears streaming down her face while smilling: 'No! you should survive. You have a family- a wife, children, grand-children. They all need you. I'm stabbed in the heart, I won't survive. You should be saved."
That's the kind of drama the leaves you wondering.
How many people in this world can be so unselfish? How many people are willing to give up thier lives for people they didn't know? for strangers? Just because they were unselfish and had the imagination to put themselves in other's shoes? How can anyone not be touched by something like that?
As a doctor, how do you decide who to save? Can you leave your emotions aside and decide who will live? Could you really have no compassion whatsoever towards the people suffering?
That's what I love about this show. It's not just tv drama. It's an event that stimulates human emotion and imagination. Other people's misery put yours light years away.
Ahh..the power of literature. the power of television.
"Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s minds, imagine themselves into other people’s places."
**************
Imagination. Compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. Emotions. Those virtues are what sets us humans apart. To be able to imagine ourselves in other people's places. To be able to feel hurt, joy, pain, love. To be able to react to emotions.
If the above is true for all humans, then how do you explain the behaviour of Doctors? The first thing a Doctor needs to let go is his empathy, sympathy and compassion. The first thing they tell you as a doctor is not to be emotionally attached to your patients. Can you imagine yourself that way? With no compassion, no sympathy, no mercy? I don't think I can.
Grey's Anatomy is one of my favourite drama series, and I'll tell you why. Number one: because it tickles every human emotion possible and; Number Two: It is so much more than just love-hate drama. It puts your emotions on overdrive and forces you to express feelings of compassion, empathy and sympathy. It makes you wonder. It makes you imagine.
Now imagine:
a Major car accident has just occured involving several vehicles. Two strangers, a native american man touching 60 years old and a beautiful blond lady age 26 years has been stabbed by a long pole the size of a handrail. The man is married, happy and has a great life. The lady is newly enganged and about to be married. They are both struck by the SAME pole such that the man is on one end of the pole and the lady on the other. The pole has penetrated both their bodies.
They are sent to a hospital, still concious and responsive.
The pole is the only thing keeping them alive, once the pole is removed, they might both bleed to death. The man is stabbed at the abdomen and the lady is stabbed near her heart, making her less likely to survive. Beacuse they are both struck by the same pole, it is extremly difficult to remove either one of them without hurting the other. One must die in order to save the other.
The man tells the young lady: ' you should be saved. You have a whole life ahead of you. I'm 60 years old, I've lived a full life and I couldn't ask for more. If it's between us, I should be the one to go. I'm ready'
The lady replies, with tears streaming down her face while smilling: 'No! you should survive. You have a family- a wife, children, grand-children. They all need you. I'm stabbed in the heart, I won't survive. You should be saved."
That's the kind of drama the leaves you wondering.
How many people in this world can be so unselfish? How many people are willing to give up thier lives for people they didn't know? for strangers? Just because they were unselfish and had the imagination to put themselves in other's shoes? How can anyone not be touched by something like that?
As a doctor, how do you decide who to save? Can you leave your emotions aside and decide who will live? Could you really have no compassion whatsoever towards the people suffering?
That's what I love about this show. It's not just tv drama. It's an event that stimulates human emotion and imagination. Other people's misery put yours light years away.
Ahh..the power of literature. the power of television.
But it didn't
It needed to work
I needed it to work - desperately.
But it didn't.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I needed it to work - desperately.
But it didn't.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
Proud to be small?
"From a small seed a mighty trunk might grow"-Aeschylus, Greek Poet-
And a mighty trunk I'll be...someday...
Being small isn't my fault. It was a pre-determined fate, a destiny. One encoded by a mysterious entity that is in us all. The DNA.
So maybe I fall on the left of the "bell-shaped-curve" and maybe I'm unstable and easily blown-away (I don't mean mentally), but hey, I'm sure there is some good to small and I'm sure that good will come to me someday. The glass is always half full.
I don't even know what brought this up. It probably was the conversation I had with Daryl on Sunday after marketing or maybe the reaction I got from the new immigrant in my house when I mentioned I weighed slightly more than a sack of rice.
Then again, maybe I'm thinking about this because I can't find any shoes that fit me unless I look under 'kids' or a nice jacket that is smaller than a size 6. Sigh. Damn that supply and demand curve. A simple rule like that can cause small people like me (and big ppl, unlike me) to feel lost in the world of the average.
If only the "bell shaped curve" was a "W" rather than a frown, then we'd have equal proportions of small, average and large people. There would be enough small and big people in the world for manufacturers to SUPPLY small and big clothes because there would be a DEMAND for them.
Well, if only...
Having said that, I don't despise being small. Sure it's frustrating not to be able to find nice stuff that fits you but I guess
being small makes you work that much harder to be noticed. I guess it doesn't matter what size you are, what matters is the amount of self-esteem you have to carry you forward. [on that note, I stumbled across a blog article talking about a so called "Short-Man-Syndrome" that talks about short people being more aggressive and less successful than tall ppl]'Small' is good.
It's the little things you do that get you to the top. And it's the little (and big) people you count on to make the world a heterogenous place.
" If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito"
- Betty Reese-
Yeap! those times..
As I stare blankly into the monitor, my eyes are teary yet I am filled with emotions. Something I cannot explain. I feel happy somehow. Glad.
For the past 21 years of my life, I have never wished my Dad Happy Father's Day. Every year people go out for grand dinners to celebrate their parents, but we always stayed at home. No cards, no presents, no dinner. Father's day (or Mother's day for that matter) was just like any other day of the year.
At first I didn't understand. Why didn't my Dad want to celebrate Father's Day? Why didn't he want to bring my Mum out for a nice dinner during Mother's Day? Why can't we celebrate our parents just like the rest of the world did?
So one Mother's day, I got fed-up and decided to ask my dad just that.
" Pa, how come you don't want to celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day? What's wrong with going out for dinner and having a good time?"
He replied (and I will remember this for as long as I live), " Mother's day is just a gimmick people use to make money out of people like you. They overcharge everything and yet people still flock to the florist or restaurants. I don't buy into that kind of thing. It's a waste of good money."
then he went on to say,
"Why must you assign a particular day to celebrate your Father or your Mother? What does Mother's Day mean to you? Does it mean you love your mother more on that day? Does it mean she deserves your full attention and your love only on that particular day?
If you love your mother, you show it to her everyday. It doesn't have to be on mother's day."
My dad was right, as he always is. Why must the world choose one day to celebrate their Fathers or Mothers? I love my mum and dad and I love them everyday. I should show them I appreciate them everyday. They deserve flowers and dinners everyday. There shouldn't be a designated day the world 'appoints' for you to celebrate your parents.
After hearing what my dad had to say, I felt guilty. I never brought up that topic ever again.
I had just read my brother's blog before writting my own and I guess this was what inspired me to write about my parents. I am proud of my brother and myself. I am proud to think that my parents are proud of my brother and myself.
Growing up with my dad on the reigns was not the easiest. He screamed and yelled and caned us to the bone, but at the end of all that, he was still there for us. And most importantly, at the end of that, we still loved him and never despised his ways of bringing us up.
My parents has sacrificed so much for my brother and myself it's unbelievable. I truly think that this realization that we both have (my bro and I) is worth more than anything. My parents have been the solid foundation on which we built our lives on. Without them, nothing could have been possible. We would not be the people we are today if not for them. They didn't need a big house or a luxurious car or the newest mobile phone. They didn't want any of that. All they want and hoped for was that their children would grow up to be good people. My parents have provided us with the best they could and it just brings me to tears to think about everything they had to let go just to give us the best.
So, to my mum and dad, thank you for everything. You are the greatest parents anyone could have and I must have been born extremely lucky to have landed in your arms. I could ask for nothing more or nothing better.
For the past 21 years of my life, I have never wished my Dad Happy Father's Day. Every year people go out for grand dinners to celebrate their parents, but we always stayed at home. No cards, no presents, no dinner. Father's day (or Mother's day for that matter) was just like any other day of the year.
At first I didn't understand. Why didn't my Dad want to celebrate Father's Day? Why didn't he want to bring my Mum out for a nice dinner during Mother's Day? Why can't we celebrate our parents just like the rest of the world did?
So one Mother's day, I got fed-up and decided to ask my dad just that.
" Pa, how come you don't want to celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day? What's wrong with going out for dinner and having a good time?"
He replied (and I will remember this for as long as I live), " Mother's day is just a gimmick people use to make money out of people like you. They overcharge everything and yet people still flock to the florist or restaurants. I don't buy into that kind of thing. It's a waste of good money."
then he went on to say,
"Why must you assign a particular day to celebrate your Father or your Mother? What does Mother's Day mean to you? Does it mean you love your mother more on that day? Does it mean she deserves your full attention and your love only on that particular day?
If you love your mother, you show it to her everyday. It doesn't have to be on mother's day."
My dad was right, as he always is. Why must the world choose one day to celebrate their Fathers or Mothers? I love my mum and dad and I love them everyday. I should show them I appreciate them everyday. They deserve flowers and dinners everyday. There shouldn't be a designated day the world 'appoints' for you to celebrate your parents.
After hearing what my dad had to say, I felt guilty. I never brought up that topic ever again.
I had just read my brother's blog before writting my own and I guess this was what inspired me to write about my parents. I am proud of my brother and myself. I am proud to think that my parents are proud of my brother and myself.
Growing up with my dad on the reigns was not the easiest. He screamed and yelled and caned us to the bone, but at the end of all that, he was still there for us. And most importantly, at the end of that, we still loved him and never despised his ways of bringing us up.
My parents has sacrificed so much for my brother and myself it's unbelievable. I truly think that this realization that we both have (my bro and I) is worth more than anything. My parents have been the solid foundation on which we built our lives on. Without them, nothing could have been possible. We would not be the people we are today if not for them. They didn't need a big house or a luxurious car or the newest mobile phone. They didn't want any of that. All they want and hoped for was that their children would grow up to be good people. My parents have provided us with the best they could and it just brings me to tears to think about everything they had to let go just to give us the best.
So, to my mum and dad, thank you for everything. You are the greatest parents anyone could have and I must have been born extremely lucky to have landed in your arms. I could ask for nothing more or nothing better.
4 o'clock
The feeling of suffocation from work.
Thought I had yet to see the day. Boy was I wrong. And you think it won't happen when you're young.
Walking past the south end of uni, I was surprised to see the amount of people hanging around gate 10. At first i thought that maybe the uni was organizing a big event but then a quick look at my watch dampened that thought. I realised that these people were only just regular students, leaving uni to go to wherever. I never see this many people while walking home.
It was 4 o'clock. It wasn't 5 o'clock, or 6 o'clock or 7 o'clock. It was 4 o'clock. I left in such a hurry I didn't realise it was still so early. I couldn't spend another minute in that office/lab anymore today. I just had to get out. I felt as if I was going to faint, it felt like all the air in the room was suddenly sucked out and I was struggling to breathe. My stomach hurt, my eyes were watery, my head spinned. It was horrible.
I dropped everything I was doing and just fled out the door. I didn't care anymore. I didn't 'f-ing' care anymore.
Thought I had yet to see the day. Boy was I wrong. And you think it won't happen when you're young.
Walking past the south end of uni, I was surprised to see the amount of people hanging around gate 10. At first i thought that maybe the uni was organizing a big event but then a quick look at my watch dampened that thought. I realised that these people were only just regular students, leaving uni to go to wherever. I never see this many people while walking home.
It was 4 o'clock. It wasn't 5 o'clock, or 6 o'clock or 7 o'clock. It was 4 o'clock. I left in such a hurry I didn't realise it was still so early. I couldn't spend another minute in that office/lab anymore today. I just had to get out. I felt as if I was going to faint, it felt like all the air in the room was suddenly sucked out and I was struggling to breathe. My stomach hurt, my eyes were watery, my head spinned. It was horrible.
I dropped everything I was doing and just fled out the door. I didn't care anymore. I didn't 'f-ing' care anymore.
" You look like you're taking this in a pretty laid back fashion. That's good that you like to enjoy life. That's good! That's good! "
My eyes stayed wide open the whole day that day. I was in disbelief. My supervisor had just said that I'm taking my honours year "pretty easy". I wonder how much harder this year has to be. I guess he had it 'real hard' during his time to say that I'm "laidback". Maybe he's just too busy to see how busy I am. Or am I really taking this easy? I don't know...perhaps I am...
And he wants me to re-do my 2000+ essay. grrr.....take it easy....grrr......
I need a holiday. Desperately.
***************************
I'm a McD's/ Mackers (or however you spell it) fan. So, when McDonalds in Australia released their olympic games limited edition burgers, I had to try them!
I've only tried 3 out of the 5 that has been released. I've tried McAfrica, McAsia and McAustralia, missed McAmerica and McEurope..too bad...
My verdict:
1) McAfrica : double thumbs-up! Best McD's burger I've ever
had, apart from the backyard burger, which is also limited edition, Damn! --------------------------------------------------->
2) McAsia : so-so la! but the chicken tastes better than KFC here
3) McAustralia : Yuck! sweet and salty can work together well sometimes but certainly not in this case.
My eyes stayed wide open the whole day that day. I was in disbelief. My supervisor had just said that I'm taking my honours year "pretty easy". I wonder how much harder this year has to be. I guess he had it 'real hard' during his time to say that I'm "laidback". Maybe he's just too busy to see how busy I am. Or am I really taking this easy? I don't know...perhaps I am...
And he wants me to re-do my 2000+ essay. grrr.....take it easy....grrr......
I need a holiday. Desperately.
***************************
I'm a McD's/ Mackers (or however you spell it) fan. So, when McDonalds in Australia released their olympic games limited edition burgers, I had to try them!
I've only tried 3 out of the 5 that has been released. I've tried McAfrica, McAsia and McAustralia, missed McAmerica and McEurope..too bad...
My verdict:
1) McAfrica : double thumbs-up! Best McD's burger I've ever
had, apart from the backyard burger, which is also limited edition, Damn! --------------------------------------------------->
2) McAsia : so-so la! but the chicken tastes better than KFC here
3) McAustralia : Yuck! sweet and salty can work together well sometimes but certainly not in this case.
A weep-
silent, distant.
A cry-
loud, unheard, locked.
A scream-
alone, unnoticed, ignored.
A hunger-
love, time, place.
A mystery-
luck, right, wrong.
A smile-
faded, lost, longing.
silent, distant.
A cry-
loud, unheard, locked.
A scream-
alone, unnoticed, ignored.
A hunger-
love, time, place.
A mystery-
luck, right, wrong.
A smile-
faded, lost, longing.
I can't think of a title because this is rojak
I'm hoping that the internet quota resets itself soon because I'm about to lose my mind! I'm having withdrawal symptoms...might need to attend ISA (Internet Streaming Anonymous) if I don't find something to curb this addiction with!! Who would have thought that YouTube is so important right?
**************************************
Dark Knight is brilliant! Went to watch the movie on Wednesday night and despite the cold and the not-so-brilliant seats, the movie was still awesome. Stupid cinema people must have oversold the tickets to the movie which resulted in a switch in cinemas and free seating...caused a havoc! People were complaining about their seats and this poor chinese dude (the usher) had to calm them down..
I don't read comics and I've never really been a huge fan of superhero movies but I have to say that the Batman series is something I'd watch again. I guess Batman is a hero but at the same time not a hero. Batman is human and as realistic as a superhero can get. I thought that the movie emphasized on the "realistic-ness" of Batman pretty well and that's probably why I enjoyed it.
Next up: Mama Mia and Wicked!! Can't wait for Thursday!! Weeeee
**********************************
I received a rather peculiar email:
Lol
How are you doing the friend? Hmm...let me see....I don't Do any friends?
**************************************
Dark Knight is brilliant! Went to watch the movie on Wednesday night and despite the cold and the not-so-brilliant seats, the movie was still awesome. Stupid cinema people must have oversold the tickets to the movie which resulted in a switch in cinemas and free seating...caused a havoc! People were complaining about their seats and this poor chinese dude (the usher) had to calm them down..
I don't read comics and I've never really been a huge fan of superhero movies but I have to say that the Batman series is something I'd watch again. I guess Batman is a hero but at the same time not a hero. Batman is human and as realistic as a superhero can get. I thought that the movie emphasized on the "realistic-ness" of Batman pretty well and that's probably why I enjoyed it.
Next up: Mama Mia and Wicked!! Can't wait for Thursday!! Weeeee
**********************************
I received a rather peculiar email:
Lol
How are you doing the friend? Hmm...let me see....I don't Do any friends?
And for tired eyes every light is too bright, and for tired lips every breath is too heavy, and for tired ears every word is too much.
Lassitude.
A condition of the body, or mind, when its voluntary functions are performed with difficulty, and only by a strong exertion of the will; languor; debility; weariness.
Only by a strong exertion of the will. It means forcing yourself to muster energy you don't have to perform an action. That means me.
I'm so grateful we celebrate EVERYTHING back home. Reminds me of the time the govt. declared 09/09/1999 as a public holiday. One additional thing I have come to miss about Malaysia.
Don't think I've ever survived this long without a holiday. I'm really tired. I'd be grateful if I had one long weekend. There is just simply not enough time to do all that I wish to do! Just today, I left work at 7.30pm. I barely sat for a total of 2 hours the whole day. It's less tiring working 10 hours part time in a departmental store selling perfume! When I got home, I ate dinner and went to clean the toilet!! Was going to do some laundry but decided against it. Think my muscles will freeze if I tried to lift the laundry basket upstairs.
Despite the exhaustion, I refuse to sleep. It's now past my usual bedtime and I don't want to sleep. not yet. I deserve a few hours of relaxation, a few hours of calm, a few hours of entertainment (and bad news, our internet quota is gonna finish. There goes my entertainment.)!!
I don't want to go in to work tomorrow. Really really don't. Somehow I wish the weather would get to me. But then again, I'll just be fighting a bigger battle with time if I lost it by falling ill.
It's hard growing up. So hard.
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With regards to the song Mad World by Gary Jules
Jason: Really love this song.
Me: This songs takes on a whole new meaning and a whole new feel after watching Donnie Darko.
The ghost of "I'm-so-free-I-have-nothing-to-do!"
I guess it's karma. It all started about a month ago when I started ranting about how much free time I had and how free I was. Now the " I'm soooo free I have nothing to do; I'm sooooo free I don't know what else to do" has come back to haunt me. Damn it! Now all my work is piling up and I have no idea how I'm going to finish all of it in time. I'm running out of time and I don't know If I'm able to cope..I feel extremely demotivated and upset. This month hasn't been treating me well AT ALL. My lab-work hasn't been going well one bit and it's really unnerving. I hate this feeling. It is evil, what it can do to you and to your self confidence.
In an effort to try to explain why I'm so upset about my poor results (from the lab-work), I have concluded two things: I don't like to depend on luck and I need to be in control of the things I do..all most all the time.
From the short 5 or so months that I've been working in the lab, I have learned that research does not only depend on brains and patience but depends a lot on luck as well. Luck is one thing I have never been known to have. I have never won anything based on luck. Never in the 21 years of my existence. Everything that I own, I deserved, I worked hard for. This is why I think that nothing comes easy and if you want something, you work for it. My dad has always said this to me: "Our family has never been lucky in life. The only aspect of life which we are lucky in is that our family has been blessed with good health and prosperity. Everything else we strive for, we work for. Some people are born lucky, they are intelligent. WE are not. Smart people study for an hour a day and score in exams. We study 10 times harder to achieve the same thing. It's just the way it is. We are not lucky. Accept that."
I rationalized that because I'm brought up this way, I constantly think that nothing comes without some sort of effort first. That's probably one of the reasons why I need to be in control of whatever I'm doing. I don't like to leave it all to luck. Of course some things in life depend on luck but whatever it is I can control, I want to and I will. Coming back to research, sometimes it's luck that your hypothesis checks out, most of the time it just doesn't. You can't tell the organism you're working with (or science in general) to change to suit your ways--You would be fighting with nature..and it's crazy. you'll never win.
I can't control many aspects of the experiments I'm performing and it's demotivating and a lot of times disappointing. I don't like being nagged at for obtaining results I have little or no control on. Being nagged at something that you could control but didn't is better than being nagged at something beyond you. So I suppose I don't have what it takes to do a PhD. It's not so much about having the brains, It's more about having the patience and the determination to continue. Right now it doesn't seem like I posses either.
In an effort to try to explain why I'm so upset about my poor results (from the lab-work), I have concluded two things: I don't like to depend on luck and I need to be in control of the things I do..all most all the time.
From the short 5 or so months that I've been working in the lab, I have learned that research does not only depend on brains and patience but depends a lot on luck as well. Luck is one thing I have never been known to have. I have never won anything based on luck. Never in the 21 years of my existence. Everything that I own, I deserved, I worked hard for. This is why I think that nothing comes easy and if you want something, you work for it. My dad has always said this to me: "Our family has never been lucky in life. The only aspect of life which we are lucky in is that our family has been blessed with good health and prosperity. Everything else we strive for, we work for. Some people are born lucky, they are intelligent. WE are not. Smart people study for an hour a day and score in exams. We study 10 times harder to achieve the same thing. It's just the way it is. We are not lucky. Accept that."
I rationalized that because I'm brought up this way, I constantly think that nothing comes without some sort of effort first. That's probably one of the reasons why I need to be in control of whatever I'm doing. I don't like to leave it all to luck. Of course some things in life depend on luck but whatever it is I can control, I want to and I will. Coming back to research, sometimes it's luck that your hypothesis checks out, most of the time it just doesn't. You can't tell the organism you're working with (or science in general) to change to suit your ways--You would be fighting with nature..and it's crazy. you'll never win.
I can't control many aspects of the experiments I'm performing and it's demotivating and a lot of times disappointing. I don't like being nagged at for obtaining results I have little or no control on. Being nagged at something that you could control but didn't is better than being nagged at something beyond you. So I suppose I don't have what it takes to do a PhD. It's not so much about having the brains, It's more about having the patience and the determination to continue. Right now it doesn't seem like I posses either.
The sad, sad week
Must...stay....alive.....
I was talking about my blog, not me. I'm still alive and well. LOL
Was planning to blog about some stuff early last week but never really got to it. The last week was almost hell for me...felt depressed the entire week. I missed home very much and the fact that my family went on holiday without me for the first time didn't help a whole lot either. The only 'highlight' of the week was Saturday night where we went out to celebrate Amir's 23rd at this fancy seafood restaurant called Seagrass. Even so, I wasn't really in the mood or up for it..was feeling too goddamn tired because I had to wake up VERY early to go back to the lab to do some stuff. Turns out the effort was to no avail. sigh. Experiment gagal lagi. Bertambahnya Depression.
Depressing events that took place early last week. In a nutshell:
Last monday during my lab meeting, I presented my results to my lab group and got bombarded for almost half an hour. I sulked and refused to talk to anyone the whole day..Didn't have the mood to socialize with anybody in the office 'tea room' also. On Tuesday, I logged on to LMS and checked my results for an assignment and was VERY disappointed at the grade i was awarded. I can't remember the last time I ever did so badly in an assignment other than the time i failed biology in high school.
On Thursday, I woke up feeling slightly less depressed and was looking forward to lunch with Hann Meng. I was almost counting down the hours till lunch time then half an hour before lunch, Hann Meng told me he wasn't in the lab and that he won't be meeting me for lunch. That really threw me off..I went back to sulking the entire day.
It took me the duration of 4 and a half songs to walk from the lab back home for almost the entire week. That's 1.5 songs longer than the usual time I spend walking home (If I take a longer time to walk home, chances are I'm upset about something, If i take a shorter time to walk home, I'm in a good mood).I know this might sound weird but that routine of walking to and fro from the lab and home is sort of 'my sacred time and space'. It is a time where I'm able to gather my thoughts and feelings, to confront whatever that has been bothering me. To feel happy, or depressed, or confused. I put on my super noise reduction earphones and whatever noises the outside world makes is totally oblivious to me. Only the wonders of my mind and whatever music that is playing on my IPod accompanies me, to the lab and back.
I'm not sure how many of you actually have a need for your own 'time and space'. With the hectic lives we all now live, it really is quite hard to find any time at all to just sit and reflect on your own life or other people's lives. I am quite confident to say that I would lose all sanity had I not have my own 'time and space', however little it may be.
So, there you have it! The very sad week that I had.
I was going to mention these things last week, but I was too busy doubting myself and wallowing in my own misery that I just didn't have the mood to blog about anything. I wasn't going to sit in front of my laptop, think about all the awful things that had happened to me in the week and start blogging about it. No, I was going to pick myself up and do whatever it is I can do cheer me up.
I was talking about my blog, not me. I'm still alive and well. LOL
Was planning to blog about some stuff early last week but never really got to it. The last week was almost hell for me...felt depressed the entire week. I missed home very much and the fact that my family went on holiday without me for the first time didn't help a whole lot either. The only 'highlight' of the week was Saturday night where we went out to celebrate Amir's 23rd at this fancy seafood restaurant called Seagrass. Even so, I wasn't really in the mood or up for it..was feeling too goddamn tired because I had to wake up VERY early to go back to the lab to do some stuff. Turns out the effort was to no avail. sigh. Experiment gagal lagi. Bertambahnya Depression.
Depressing events that took place early last week. In a nutshell:
Last monday during my lab meeting, I presented my results to my lab group and got bombarded for almost half an hour. I sulked and refused to talk to anyone the whole day..Didn't have the mood to socialize with anybody in the office 'tea room' also. On Tuesday, I logged on to LMS and checked my results for an assignment and was VERY disappointed at the grade i was awarded. I can't remember the last time I ever did so badly in an assignment other than the time i failed biology in high school.
On Thursday, I woke up feeling slightly less depressed and was looking forward to lunch with Hann Meng. I was almost counting down the hours till lunch time then half an hour before lunch, Hann Meng told me he wasn't in the lab and that he won't be meeting me for lunch. That really threw me off..I went back to sulking the entire day.
It took me the duration of 4 and a half songs to walk from the lab back home for almost the entire week. That's 1.5 songs longer than the usual time I spend walking home (If I take a longer time to walk home, chances are I'm upset about something, If i take a shorter time to walk home, I'm in a good mood).I know this might sound weird but that routine of walking to and fro from the lab and home is sort of 'my sacred time and space'. It is a time where I'm able to gather my thoughts and feelings, to confront whatever that has been bothering me. To feel happy, or depressed, or confused. I put on my super noise reduction earphones and whatever noises the outside world makes is totally oblivious to me. Only the wonders of my mind and whatever music that is playing on my IPod accompanies me, to the lab and back.
I'm not sure how many of you actually have a need for your own 'time and space'. With the hectic lives we all now live, it really is quite hard to find any time at all to just sit and reflect on your own life or other people's lives. I am quite confident to say that I would lose all sanity had I not have my own 'time and space', however little it may be.
So, there you have it! The very sad week that I had.
I was going to mention these things last week, but I was too busy doubting myself and wallowing in my own misery that I just didn't have the mood to blog about anything. I wasn't going to sit in front of my laptop, think about all the awful things that had happened to me in the week and start blogging about it. No, I was going to pick myself up and do whatever it is I can do cheer me up.
'We do not need magic to change the world'
I read the commencement address J.K Rowling gave to the 2008 Harvard Graduates and I really liked her speech. It was a VERY good read.She received a standing ovation at the end of the speech. I highly recommend that you read it.
P.S: Click the title of the blog to read the article or watch the video (if you're lazy). The video is quite long..might take a while to load.
P.S: Click the title of the blog to read the article or watch the video (if you're lazy). The video is quite long..might take a while to load.
Things you learn about yourself.
There comes a time when everybody learns something about themselves from somebody else which they never knew about. That time for me is now, or actually awhile now but I never thought about it much..until now.. when I have the opportunity to blog about it.
So, while having lunch with Hann Meng, I once again brought up the “how-come-nobody-talks-to-me-on-msn” issue. In a nutshell, I learned today that a lot of people perceive me to be a person who talks about nothing else but serious stuff. Every string of sentence that exits my mouth has got to do with politics, natural disasters, financial issues or some other “serious stuff”. That means: To me, I sound interesting; to others, I sound dead boring, and that is why nobody wants to strike a conversation with me. Of course, it takes two to clap, I shouldn’t exclude the fact that I’m not initiating conversations with people first. It would probably be wrong of me to blame the whole world but me. But still, I really wonder if it’s true. Am I really boring and serious? Am I not capable of saying something funny or un-important? I’m probably in self-denial but I’m pretty sure I have a comedian in me, I’m sure I can make people laugh! I HAVE made people laugh, yeah..*snort snort* tons of times! Right?
That made me think, are people turned off by serious talk? I think I should choose my conversation topics more carefully next time. But hey people, I’m friendly! Really! Talk to me! I can converse in gossip language and funny language too!! I’m not all earthquake and pension money!!
Coming back to the “it takes two to clap” thing, as of today, I’m going to initiate conversations with other people first to solve the “how-come-nobody-talks-to-me-on-msn” issue. So u people better have something to say to me aR! LOL
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Yesterday, I left the house late for my Monday 9 a.m. meeting and was half walking half running to the lab, panting when I reached. My building has got 5 lifts that would take me to my floor, 3 lifts belong to the private hospital and the other 2 lifts located around the corner belong to the clinical sciences building (where I’m working at). All 5 lifts were about 10 feet from each other. Usually when I’m impatient I’ll press the UP button for both the lifts in the private hospital and the clinical sciences building and stand around the corner where I can see all 5 lifts, I’ll then get into the lift that arrives first. Let me tell you, even with 5 lifts, the average waiting time for ONE lift to arrive at the ground floor is like 5 minutes or something. It takes soooo long for ONE lift to arrive at your floor that once while I was waiting, this surgeon’ fella’ misused his only-for- emergency lift key to make the lifts come to our floor faster. (There is a keyhole under the UP and DOWN buttons of the lift that is meant for emergency purposes only. Hospital staff have the keys for this and they use it when there is a medical emergency to override the lift system so that they get priority)
Back to my story…I was running late and was a little bit irritated at the lifts since they took forever to come. Finally, one lift arrived and I boarded it with 2 other women. They walked into the lift first and I was trailing behind, so both of them pressed the buttons to get to their desired floors and then they just STOOD there, right in front of the lift buttons! WHAT the HECK ladies? Press your buttons and then move away!! I’m sorry, I get pretty annoyed with these people sometimes. I don’t understand why they can’t just press the button and then step back so that other people can press their buttons too! (sounds funny at this point). Seriously, you have to go like *ehem* * EHem* excuse me miss,* push them shoulder to shoulder* just to press your lift button! Tsk tsk..and they ask you to clear one side of the escalator so that people can walk up and down.
So, while having lunch with Hann Meng, I once again brought up the “how-come-nobody-talks-to-me-on-msn” issue. In a nutshell, I learned today that a lot of people perceive me to be a person who talks about nothing else but serious stuff. Every string of sentence that exits my mouth has got to do with politics, natural disasters, financial issues or some other “serious stuff”. That means: To me, I sound interesting; to others, I sound dead boring, and that is why nobody wants to strike a conversation with me. Of course, it takes two to clap, I shouldn’t exclude the fact that I’m not initiating conversations with people first. It would probably be wrong of me to blame the whole world but me. But still, I really wonder if it’s true. Am I really boring and serious? Am I not capable of saying something funny or un-important? I’m probably in self-denial but I’m pretty sure I have a comedian in me, I’m sure I can make people laugh! I HAVE made people laugh, yeah..*snort snort* tons of times! Right?
That made me think, are people turned off by serious talk? I think I should choose my conversation topics more carefully next time. But hey people, I’m friendly! Really! Talk to me! I can converse in gossip language and funny language too!! I’m not all earthquake and pension money!!
Coming back to the “it takes two to clap” thing, as of today, I’m going to initiate conversations with other people first to solve the “how-come-nobody-talks-to-me-on-msn” issue. So u people better have something to say to me aR! LOL
************
Yesterday, I left the house late for my Monday 9 a.m. meeting and was half walking half running to the lab, panting when I reached. My building has got 5 lifts that would take me to my floor, 3 lifts belong to the private hospital and the other 2 lifts located around the corner belong to the clinical sciences building (where I’m working at). All 5 lifts were about 10 feet from each other. Usually when I’m impatient I’ll press the UP button for both the lifts in the private hospital and the clinical sciences building and stand around the corner where I can see all 5 lifts, I’ll then get into the lift that arrives first. Let me tell you, even with 5 lifts, the average waiting time for ONE lift to arrive at the ground floor is like 5 minutes or something. It takes soooo long for ONE lift to arrive at your floor that once while I was waiting, this surgeon’ fella’ misused his only-for- emergency lift key to make the lifts come to our floor faster. (There is a keyhole under the UP and DOWN buttons of the lift that is meant for emergency purposes only. Hospital staff have the keys for this and they use it when there is a medical emergency to override the lift system so that they get priority)
Back to my story…I was running late and was a little bit irritated at the lifts since they took forever to come. Finally, one lift arrived and I boarded it with 2 other women. They walked into the lift first and I was trailing behind, so both of them pressed the buttons to get to their desired floors and then they just STOOD there, right in front of the lift buttons! WHAT the HECK ladies? Press your buttons and then move away!! I’m sorry, I get pretty annoyed with these people sometimes. I don’t understand why they can’t just press the button and then step back so that other people can press their buttons too! (sounds funny at this point). Seriously, you have to go like *ehem* * EHem* excuse me miss,* push them shoulder to shoulder* just to press your lift button! Tsk tsk..and they ask you to clear one side of the escalator so that people can walk up and down.
Brushes, Fishes and Permanent Head Damage-ness
Everyday I go to the bathroom to use the sink and I always notice that we have a lot of stuff around the sink. It's not that surprising to see toiletries around 
since 5 people live here and use the sink on a regular basis but one thing that has come to my attention for a long time now is the amount of toothbrushes we have. For 5 inhabitants of the grattan house, we own 9 toothbrushes and 8 tubes of opened toothpaste!(At last count, there were 9 toothbrushes although I'm pretty sure I counted 11 toothbrushes just 2 days ago. I guess 2 ran away..)I took the liberty of bringing my mobile into the toilet to take photos of the toothbrush and toothpaste so that you blog readers can have fun counting them yourselves :P (Look closer..one tube of collgate is actually hiding behind another)
This is funny! Why do we have so many toothbrushes and toothpaste? How many mouths do we have? LOL!
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Today while doing some research online, I typed in 'luminescence' as the search word in the google/wiki search box and after reading for awhile, I indirectly re-directed myself to this page on deep sea fishes. So apparently, some of these fishes have this 'luminescent' property that allows them to attract prey in the dark bla bla..
What caught my attention was the names given to these fishes. There is a lanternfish, flashlight fish, fangtooth fish, cookie-cutter shark, black seadevil fish etc. Sounds cool and cute to some extent, like they're some cartoon character or something but when I looked up some images...hmm...let's just say I started questioning the names given to these fishes. Seriously some of these creatures are freaky...why look for aliens when they are right here living with us on earth?
I'm only putting up images of the "cute" deep sea fishes..go look for the flashlight, fangtooth, and seadevil fishes yourself..shocking!
************
My supervisors sat me down today and asked me if I'd like to continue with a PhD. My immediate reaction (in my head of course) was NO WAY ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU WANT ME TO GET A PERMANENT HEAD DAMAGE? [yeah lame old joke but it still works]. Their reasoning was that I was on the road of scoring a relative good score for my honours but if i wanted a scholarship to continue with a PhD, I would need to do more work throughout the year to actually achieve that. So i started thinking, right now I don't plan to do a PhD, I plan to work, but I do like to keep my options open in case I do decide that I hate working. But then I realised, in order to keep my options open, I still need to achieve a good score just in case I decide to do a PhD. So now, instead of taking it relatively easy for the rest of the year, I have to think about putting extra stress on myself to do more research if I wanted to keep my options open. But I'm thinking, is it worth it? Should I stress myself more this year JUST because I want to keep the PhD option open although it is highly unlikely I'll ever do a PhD?
since 5 people live here and use the sink on a regular basis but one thing that has come to my attention for a long time now is the amount of toothbrushes we have. For 5 inhabitants of the grattan house, we own 9 toothbrushes and 8 tubes of opened toothpaste!(At last count, there were 9 toothbrushes although I'm pretty sure I counted 11 toothbrushes just 2 days ago. I guess 2 ran away..)I took the liberty of bringing my mobile into the toilet to take photos of the toothbrush and toothpaste so that you blog readers can have fun counting them yourselves :P (Look closer..one tube of collgate is actually hiding behind another)This is funny! Why do we have so many toothbrushes and toothpaste? How many mouths do we have? LOL!
************
Today while doing some research online, I typed in 'luminescence' as the search word in the google/wiki search box and after reading for awhile, I indirectly re-directed myself to this page on deep sea fishes. So apparently, some of these fishes have this 'luminescent' property that allows them to attract prey in the dark bla bla..
What caught my attention was the names given to these fishes. There is a lanternfish, flashlight fish, fangtooth fish, cookie-cutter shark, black seadevil fish etc. Sounds cool and cute to some extent, like they're some cartoon character or something but when I looked up some images...hmm...let's just say I started questioning the names given to these fishes. Seriously some of these creatures are freaky...why look for aliens when they are right here living with us on earth?
I'm only putting up images of the "cute" deep sea fishes..go look for the flashlight, fangtooth, and seadevil fishes yourself..shocking!
************
My supervisors sat me down today and asked me if I'd like to continue with a PhD. My immediate reaction (in my head of course) was NO WAY ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU WANT ME TO GET A PERMANENT HEAD DAMAGE? [yeah lame old joke but it still works]. Their reasoning was that I was on the road of scoring a relative good score for my honours but if i wanted a scholarship to continue with a PhD, I would need to do more work throughout the year to actually achieve that. So i started thinking, right now I don't plan to do a PhD, I plan to work, but I do like to keep my options open in case I do decide that I hate working. But then I realised, in order to keep my options open, I still need to achieve a good score just in case I decide to do a PhD. So now, instead of taking it relatively easy for the rest of the year, I have to think about putting extra stress on myself to do more research if I wanted to keep my options open. But I'm thinking, is it worth it? Should I stress myself more this year JUST because I want to keep the PhD option open although it is highly unlikely I'll ever do a PhD?
Of boredom
"Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil, no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads. This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world. The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings."-Soren Kierkegaard-
gee..I wonder what the gods did when they weren't bored?
I am bored. Hence the google-ing of boredom quotes and the "stumbling upon" the silly and does not make sense quote from god knows who.
I have read so many online newspapers these past few days that I was more updated than People.com. I knew Jessica Alba and Tori Spelling both had baby girls Wayyy before people.com knew.
I read Dr.M's blog! I wrapped my tissue box with white A4 paper! I watched a freakin war movie! Ya! I'm bored!
**************
While reading some news online, I came across this interesting article. This is an excerpt from that article:
KEVIN Rudd is in danger of turning what should be his greatest strength into a serious weakness. I refer to his weird and increasingly ratty habit of announcing foreign policy initiatives of soaring ambition and utterly amorphous content on the run, half baked, with nodetail and no credible prospect of success.
In the past week alone we've had Rudd threaten to "take the blowtorch" to the Organisation of the Petroleum Exporting Countries to produce more oil and lower prices, nominate Dick Woolcott to reform Asian security and trade structures, and now appoint Gareth Evans to head a commission to end nuclear proliferation and secure nuclear disarmament.
If you announce twice a week that you're going to save the world and you manifestly lack the means to give the slightest effect to your pronouncements, the world soon loses interest. The chief casualty is your credibility.
In foreign policy, Rudd at the moment rather reminds me of Malaysia's Mahathir Mohamad.
Now I yield to no man in my appreciation of the redoubtable Malaysian's many complex qualities, just as I appreciate our own beloved PM.
But through the years Mahathir earned the reputation in foreign policy of shooting his mouth off to no particular consequence. Rudd is not as silly or offensive as Mahathir at the end of his tenure but, then, Rudd has been PM for only six months.
I remember Mahathir wanting to bring peace to Bosnia, not to mention Palestine, reform the Organisation of Islamic Countries, establish developing nations' solidarity, set up an East Asian economic caucus and much more. Malaysian journalists were required to cover all this stuff in deadly earnest.
Internationally, people stopped paying attention and none of Mahathir's grand schemes amounted to a hill of beans. Where he did do well was in managing the Malaysian economy, although it is spooky that his biggest economic mistake was his insistence on a Malaysian car.
Will Rudd one day christen a greenhouse-friendly Neutron to match Malaysia's Proton? And it is positively freaky that Rudd has stolen Mahathir's slogan, Vision 2020.
Interesting view point.
You can read the full article here if you're interested to know the rest. [The rest of the article does not include Dr.M anymore tho]
AND
I also found this:
"I'm gonna get you one day. You wait and see. muahahaMuAhAHaMUAHAHAHA!!!" She's terrifying...*************
On a lighter note, have you ever wondered why married couples use the word "we" when they are referring to themselves? Have they magically merged themselves into one entity referred to as "We"? I mean seriously, even if the question was directed to ONE person, that married person still answers with a "we" instead of a "I". Example:
Person A: Do you rent or buy (a house)?
Married Person B: We bought a house.
Married Lady A: Mum! guess what? WE are pregnant!
In case you didn't know, nature intended only for the Female to bear child. Using the word "We" indicates that BOTH Female and Male of the marriage is bearing a child. How silly is that?!?
I don't get it, why use "we" all the time? Why can't it just be "I" or "me" sometimes? Is it selfish to use the word "I" when you're married? Is there some sort of written constitution that dictates married couples need to use the word "We" instead of "I" even when referring to oneself? It's ridiculous!
Resurrection
It seems that everyone (at least my melb buddies) is on this blog 'frenzy' now, like it's some really cool thing to be seen doing or it's the 'in' thing. So, I've decided to get in on the action and attempt to resurrect my blog for what must be the 100th time.
the definition of Resurrect (from dictionary.com) : To raise from the dead, bring to l ife again
Based on that simple definition from Dictionary.com,and seeing that this is the 100th time my blog is 'alive' again,I believe that my blog has achieved what no man or living creature can achieve - Immortality.
Yes i know it's lame and I sound like some science fiction, star wars freak but whatever
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I was the designated chef on Sunday night and Daryl was my sous-chef, so he came down to help me prepare some stuff for dinner. I don't remember what started the facebook talk, but all of a sudden Daryl went: 'Hey, I saw the photos your ex-classmate posted on Facebook. The girl in the photo does not look like you at all! So different!!'. At that point of time, I hadn't taken a look at those photos yet and wasn't even aware that photos of my secondary school years were up on the internet free for people to see. So, after dinner, I logged onto Facebook to see the photos.
I was scanning through the photos really quickly, trying to find me in the pile of 80 sth photos. Scanned through once, didn't find myself. Scanned through another time, failed to see me again, Scanned through the third time and I saw it. My first reaction was : No reaction at all, I just stared at the computer screen, jaw-dropped, dumbfounded. Then I picked myself up and went OMG. This was my face from 5 years ago, plastered on my laptop screen.
Unbelievable! look at the skin! all the oil and dirt and look at that hair!!! OMG man!! And just a few weeks ago i was considering a Victoria Beckham haircut. I mean....compare the two:
I looked like an Ah Ma when I was 17!! I looked terrible!! OMG! I still can't get over it. Thanks alot Daryl.
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My supervisor came back to the lab today after his really long 6 week break and we were catching up, having some small talk in the lab. This is part of the conversation we had.
Supervisor: hey Xiaowen, how was your weekend? good?
me: Yeah it was great! I finally had the chance to relax. I went shopping!
Supervisor: Oh you did? In the city?
me: Ya, in the city.
Supervisor: I like shopping in the city. Did you buy anything?
me: Nah, just went window shopping, didn't get anything..
Supervisor: Oh that's bad..
me: *Stunned*
That's bad?!? Nobody has ever said 'that's bad' when i told them i went window shopping and came back with nothing! I envy his daugthers, when they grow up, they're gonna go window shopping and come back with nothing, and then dad is gonna say : 'That's really bad!' Go back to the mall again and get something!'
the definition of Resurrect (from dictionary.com) : To raise from the dead, bring to l ife again
Based on that simple definition from Dictionary.com,and seeing that this is the 100th time my blog is 'alive' again,I believe that my blog has achieved what no man or living creature can achieve - Immortality.
Yes i know it's lame and I sound like some science fiction, star wars freak but whatever
********************
I was the designated chef on Sunday night and Daryl was my sous-chef, so he came down to help me prepare some stuff for dinner. I don't remember what started the facebook talk, but all of a sudden Daryl went: 'Hey, I saw the photos your ex-classmate posted on Facebook. The girl in the photo does not look like you at all! So different!!'. At that point of time, I hadn't taken a look at those photos yet and wasn't even aware that photos of my secondary school years were up on the internet free for people to see. So, after dinner, I logged onto Facebook to see the photos.
I was scanning through the photos really quickly, trying to find me in the pile of 80 sth photos. Scanned through once, didn't find myself. Scanned through another time, failed to see me again, Scanned through the third time and I saw it. My first reaction was : No reaction at all, I just stared at the computer screen, jaw-dropped, dumbfounded. Then I picked myself up and went OMG. This was my face from 5 years ago, plastered on my laptop screen.
Unbelievable! look at the skin! all the oil and dirt and look at that hair!!! OMG man!! And just a few weeks ago i was considering a Victoria Beckham haircut. I mean....compare the two:
I looked like an Ah Ma when I was 17!! I looked terrible!! OMG! I still can't get over it. Thanks alot Daryl.
**************************
My supervisor came back to the lab today after his really long 6 week break and we were catching up, having some small talk in the lab. This is part of the conversation we had.
Supervisor: hey Xiaowen, how was your weekend? good?
me: Yeah it was great! I finally had the chance to relax. I went shopping!
Supervisor: Oh you did? In the city?
me: Ya, in the city.
Supervisor: I like shopping in the city. Did you buy anything?
me: Nah, just went window shopping, didn't get anything..
Supervisor: Oh that's bad..
me: *Stunned*
That's bad?!? Nobody has ever said 'that's bad' when i told them i went window shopping and came back with nothing! I envy his daugthers, when they grow up, they're gonna go window shopping and come back with nothing, and then dad is gonna say : 'That's really bad!' Go back to the mall again and get something!'
