how i wish i could help..but some things..i just cant. all i can do, is pray.

sunday's sermon once again reminded me, that i should only be living for God. such a difficult task to surrender all to Him, and totally let him lead. such a difficult thing to live a life in His will, to think thoughts pleasing to Him, to make decisions not by our own will. but yet, such a joy. joy that can only be found between you and God, n that comes from deep within. joy that gives u the strength to carry on everyday knowing that it is God alone giving u every breath you take. sometimes u really feel like escaping into this ideal world, but when reality hits you that you're living in this world, with trials, temptations and suffering, everything becomes so difficult once again. really my prayer that i'll be able to live a single-minded life for you, father.

hmm..something else to share..almost a week ago, i was sitting at my comp, worrying and worrying about stuff, especially my air ticket back to London in january...come to think of it, that's when i typed e previous post on my blog. yup..it was e nite where my mum had jus called me and was discussing with me bout e air ticket..and work deadlines..suddenly everything seemed to be caving in. and i did qt that nite, and i told myself i really haf to trust, and to jiao1-tuo1. i remb someone telling me, sometimes we only jiao1, but we dun really tuo1. so i told God to really teach me to trust in Him, and leave it in his hands..

the next day, during a break in lessons, jus decided to drop by e comp lab and try my luck wif e qantas website, even tho i always thot that qantas was e same as ba, and it would give me e same results. up till this time, i had been checking e BA website daily for updates, and i dunno wat struck me to jus go to e qantas website. i dun think i was even thinking or hoping there'll be availability. when i typed in e travel dates, wat i got was a huge amount of available flights, not only on e day i typed, but the days before and after that as well, even though there was a short short stopover in Frankfurt to be made. these were e exact flights that my mum told me about, as a travel agent told her a few days ago that there was only 1 seat left on e 10th and it was either book or no space; n i had rejected it then. when i saw the availability on the qantas website, i couldnt believe it and checked like almost 3 times if i typed in the correct dates. i totally, could, not, believe it. it was also even cheaper than i had expected to pay. and there was it. i booked it. on the original day that i had planned to go come back anws.

i dunno..maybe reading it wont haf much impact..mayb it's difficult to understand how i was feeling that day..but as small as it seems now, it was a HUGE thing. it totally took a big load off my mind, and i couldnt help but see God's promises coming true - that He will provide and even much more that i'll need, 12 basketfuls of leftovers. it's a wonder how God works in small things, small things we may overlook.

i jus hope that i'll remb this lesson for a long long time..to remb to trust, and to put my faith in Him..He is a God who listens to prayers, a God who listens to our crying, a God who loves us beyond what we can imagine.

'They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.'

this verse somehow really spoke to me in today's qt, even tho it wasnt about the particular lesson for today in the upper room. when i read the verses tears jus instantly flowed..n i realised that God was really telling me to trust in His provision. it's really not easy..when u haf many things facing you..many things for me to be worried about now..sometimes maybe i do complicate matters..but when things pile up..i'm nt that good at handling piled-up stress..i really pray that things get settled quickly..that i can put my mind at ease..yet i noe that God is teaching me to trust that he will provide..and that he will provide more than i ever will need, that there would be basketfuls of leftovers. 3 weeks from now..i hope to look back to where i am now, hopefully having learnt this lesson.

Jehovah Jireh, my provider. His grace is sufficient for me.

i haf no idea why i'm bloggin bout this but i jus need to. haha. it's one of the few times i literally laughed out loud when reading a blogpost. hehe this morning i chanced upon qian's blog n he had jus posted an entry bout him packing e room and finding a long lost diary he kept when he was in p2. p2!! can u imagine?! how cuteee. hehe. den he mentioned some of the SUPER hilarious diary entries n my favourite is the balloon one and the xiaohui's voice sounding like his one. and i so do not remb scolding you as u were teaching me how to play mario. hahaha. but i was jus reminded that day too, of how we used to 'share' our mario levels. because i was e more pok one but still older than xiaohui, she will play level 1, den me 2, den qian 3. and so on so forth until watever level we can achieve together. hehe. so fun :):) n den i'll feel so super stressed when i'm playing level 5 because if i die den we die. n usually that happens i think. hehe.

haha..how times haf changed. last time it was xueqian who would kachiao me..now i'm the one kachiao-ing him. hehe. but xiaohui, as always, is e main irritant in his life. HAHAHAA. i'm sure she wont mind me saying this. hehe..and xiaohui go read gor's blog because i bet u'll be rollling on e floor laughing. hehe. haha jus thinking of it makes me wanna laugh already. cos i'm picturing a little p2 qian writing a diary on the balloons. hahahaha. =p he's so gonna kill me. hehe

its so nice to be happy. says:
okay gor is going to get new phone now!!:
its so nice to be happy. says:
and i am going to buy my new textbooks!!
its so nice to be happy. says:
ITS THE TIME OF THE YEARR!!
its so nice to be happy. says:
haha

boo..wish i could be there too. i noe it's smth small..but it's e small things that add up. miss u all! (btw, the person talking above is xiaohui. haha)

yest the household, ros n yl went to oxford together for a day trip! :) it was really really cold, and ok la, quite boring. :p but it's one of the things u 'gotta do' i suppose...it was nice to haf a few of diane's frens bringing us around and telling us historical facts of the place too even. haha.

then after coming back and taking a shower i was bored while waiting for my hair to dry so can sleep. (pardon me if it starts getting too mushy ha jus wanted to write how i felt here) starting re-reading jianen's blog from ages ago. haha. starting from 1yr and almost 8 mths ago..brought back many memories..even tho they were jus one liner stuff. heh how things haf changed/stayed e same..and i see God's mighty hands holding e two of us together..how He has brought us through this whole period...

lately e household has also been having long debated talks bout relationships and nitty gritty stuff..hmm..interesting how love n relationships can puzzle man's heart and mind.. how amazing that God has put this element in our minds..such that in this world, we need love..and God is this love. i'm back in the 'this is the best free gift in the world, why dont you want to take it???' moods. ah wells. some ppl may think i'm jus not talking sense..heh..but others will understand i'm sure. :) hmm..well anws, back to what i was saying..thankful that God has brought us through these couple of years..how some things can never change or be shaken enough. a relationship btw 2 is never easy..that's why we need God.

through the good times, the bad times, thank you for being there, for being who you are, the special one that cannot be replaced. thank you for being my best friend. thank you for showing ur love n appreication in ur own way. i love u :) -hugging my pillow to sleep n feeling xinfu :p-

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

~*~

weekend of good food, good company and good reminders. teach me to be single-minded for you, Lord.

~*~

thank you for e phone call despite everything. i noe it's gonna be tough, i'll be praying for you..jiayou you. wish we werent 8 hours or 7000 miles apart.

~*~

i miss xueqian n xiaohui alot..more than i did last year. boo boo boo.

~*~

delicous dinner tonite, as every other nite. heh. seriously good cooks here man. sigh here we go again, another weekend down, another new week of school. yet do not despair! every weekend passed is one week closer to the christmas hols. jiayou everyone.