after posting firefly form and after chem pract

just came back from posting e form for e scholarship application. phew. so glad i finally got rid of it. wif every form i posted (including e ones for uni), i said a little prayer for where the envelope's gonna be posted to. oh wells. fear, i guess. fear of rejection. walking back, however, i realised what i should b praying for really shouldnt be the result of the application. more importantly, it should b my attitude towards e results. I know. I know God always has plans to prosper us and never ever to harm us. I know it all. mayb sometimes it's just so difficult to put it all into practice. Still learning, and constantly reminding myself that there really isnt anything to fear.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:14

yep. really really a comforting thot. must try harder to listen to His voice rather than the voice of the world telling u how u should define success and achievement. yep. to submit is really a difficult lesson to learn i guess. But at least i know, no matter wat happens, he has made things beautiful, and in His time.

chem prac was quite bad today..felt helpless and almost panicky..at some points during e paper, almost wanted to cry wif desperation..just felt as if every thing i was doing was wrong wrong and wrong. the only thing i could possibly still do correctly, at that point of time, was to pray. weird isnt it, when man turns to God only at his most desperate moments. but somehow, altho it was all really such a big mess, discussing wif my frens bout e results of e expt made it all much better :) mayb it wasnt that bad after all. proabably just scaring myself. hai. but like i always tell ppl, ha..it's just the practical. e impt ones are not over yet! there's still hope :)

yep. shall and must remain my optimistic and happier self to pull through the long and dreadful exam period. It's never really the end of the world. Hope in the Lord!

birthday present from gill!!

ha..super happy now :D:D just received a belated birthday present from gill!!! hehe..not cos of wat the present is, but just simply very very touched by her. sent by mail sumore..she sent me this celine dion and anne geddes CD..and there's pictures of very cute babies inside..hehe..she said that was e point la. hhaa..but watever it is. thanx so much. :D i just cant say enuf.

just finished toking on e phone wif her too..so nice to chat..and i cant wait for A's to be over so we can finally go out..ha..and so happy for her bout her plans for next yr's break...

so nice to come home and find this package after a whole long day at school today...yay :D:D she's jus so super super sweet. last time oso suddenly posted a letter to me..wif a collection of photos we took..ha..miss e times man.. so blessed to haf such a fren in my life. :D love ya lots and lots.

another day closer

another day closer to the main papers..quite a productive day today. i guess e important thing is to stay optimistic and dun keep feeling sianz!! yep yep. must continue to jiayou. hmmz. cant wait for it all to be over. :D

gonna work hard.

yay somehow jus feel happy. ha how i wish everyday could start with church first..mayb something like we used to haf on mondays at MG..wif chapel to start e long and dreary week.. hehe :D

after service, was waiting for dad to get ready to pack up and stuff..then told him i could go home myself cos anw i just needed to take 171 and go buy lunch and all...but oh wells, he insisted..and thank God he insisted! haha..cos right after e car moved out.. it started drizzling, den raining, den pouring so heavily we couldnt even see what was ahead of us! hehe. the best thing was, i didnt bring my umbrella that day. hehe. wouldnt have survived e rain. well anw, i think even with an umbrella i wouldnt have been able to either. hehz. whew thank God.

and we were supposed to go buy lunch, but since it started raining so heavily, told him will go home and cook instant noodles for myself. bleah. as much as i didnt want to. hehe..but anw. came home, and tried to cook. hehz. yep yep i noe lar i noe lar..instant noodles only rite? haha..cant b that difficult..hehz..but clever me wanted to try putting an egg in..ha..like wat mummy did..ha...(and i was almost certain that when i cracked the egg bits of shells fell in :p) yeah then after dumping the egg and sorta leaving it to simmer, i tried digging around the pot for e dear egg and couldnt find it. hahah lol. yep. guess e egg was kinda smashed to pieces by my violent stirring :p hahahhaa..oh wells. quite funny la. cooking experience wif nobody else at home. ate my lunch by myself in peace and silence. (however already felt so full after e first two spoonfuls of noodles. bleah. )

feels so safe and nice to be at home when there's a huge huge rainpour outside. hehe..rite ching?

hmm..a whole afternoon ahead of me, wif no one else at home wif me. e house is so quiet!!!! hmm but hopefully will make good use of this time. STUDY HARD!!! hehe..k. hope it's productive. tata.

it's tough, but i feel so blessed. thanx. :D

open house today

btw it was open house today..heard the j1s singing and stopped right in my tracks to listen..but was already on e fourth level and too lazy to go all e way down cos they'd haf finished..realised how much i miss choir when i heard those voices.

really miss choir. and singing. hai.

unproductive day

hai..was unproductive day today..didnt do much..kinda distracted..and also cos started work late..and distracted with all the sec fours streaming into e library in groups..hmmm but at least it ended on a nice happy note :) was taking lotsa black and white photos wif rui in e lib..haha..dumb but fun :p yay..cant wait to see it when she uploads..

and i got both kees and rui to write in my autograph bk today! :) yay. fareena's still sick. hope she's getting beta. :D

and rui ha i finally updated my blog :p

great sense of accomplishment

feeling a great sense of accomplishment. this kind of accomplishment, in my opinion, far surpasses excellence in results or other worldly achievements.
both yesterday and today, felt encouraged, comforted and blessed to have had e chance to 'be there for someone when they need you to'. felt great to be able to share e burden, and to give encouragment and advice maybe where needed. didnt noe how i could help, but the thanx and encouragement i received in return, to me, are far more valuable than good results and outstanding achievements.
went to sleep yesterday feeling happy and satisfied that i actually helped. very thankful for these two very meaningful days.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house ofthe Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
Psalm 27:4

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:14

growing up

been thinking lots lately. probably a sign of growing up.
like on long bus journeys, when u're alone, wat else to do but think.
sometimes, tho, the more u think, the more confused u get.
but sometimes, it all seems clear.
it's coming soon. it's really nearing. how scary.
as i always say, leaving it all to Him to bring me through it.

bbq

yay went for bbq today :D :D was nice..ha..altho didnt bbq much..our major contribution was to skew e chicken wings :p hehe.. after that we just sat there and pigged..waiting for ppl to bring food :p hehe..oops..but food was not bad :D

heh and it was nice just spending time with you two. at the pool, and later at e reading room...ha..it's nice...cant wait for our long planned sleepover :D yay..ha..hmm..wondering about how it would be like when we all grow up next time..uni and all..hai...scary thots. but but but. no matter wat part of e world we're in, hope friendship wont change.

yep. best friends forever. :D

went swimming!!

yeah just came back from swimming :D:D went on impulse. hehz.
feel much more refreshed now.
havent swam for a long time...so only swam 30 laps..but quite proud of myself le :D:D hehe..
haiz. back to studying soon.

super confused

ahh...was super super confused and traumatised yest after toking to agnes about applying there..glad i had ppl to tok to after that, made me feel less stressed. :)

leaving it all to my Father in Heaven. Amen.

another week almost down

another week almost down.
a few more weeks to go.
kinda scary.
didnt do much today, but i'm telling myself, go step by step.
yay. bbq on sat :)

yi tian tu long ji

final episode of yi tian tu long ji today. :(
sad.
but at least it was super sweet.
esp the part when zhao min was poisoned and zhang wu ji told zhiruo that he loved zhao min!! haha that's super super sweet and touching..hehe...
we were all like...finally...haha.
and agnes i agree wif u!!
haha.
too bad such guys dun exist in real life.
hehe.

it's my birthday

heh..so touched to receive all the msgs since last nite...actually last morning (from em) hehz but was really v v v touched reading all e sms coming in at 12..hehe...feels so loved eh :) hehz..thanx to everyone who remembered and bothered to make my day! =) =) and today in church too...very nice..hehe.thanx =)

right now i'm spending e day slacking around listening to MAMMA MIA cd!! hehe..a bit bored la..but wat to do..nothing planned for today :( hmmm oh wells. nice music at least.

yf comm

had sat 2 in the morn today..met eliza diane and yiwen there too =) it went ok la..then after that went for lunch wif yiwen at bukit panjang plaza.

went for yf in the afternoon..it was comm elections today. before i went, already made up my mind (even planned a script in my mind on wat to say to reject the offer) not to be part of the committee 05/06. but somehow, God just works in his own miraculous ways.

then came the post..hai...despite my objections in my heart my name had to b called la..i must say it really was quite stressful when everyone's waiting for u for an answer..hai..how i wish agnes was beside me..ha..den at least can tok it out..ha..i think i make decisions this way beta..by toking it out wif someone at least. :p in any case, was feeling so confused la...so many different voices in my head..

i must say that i felt really comforted that ppl trusted in me to do this job well, but mayb my worry was that i couldnt live up to their trust/expectations? all these were popping up in my head.wat if i really manage to go overseas? and even if i stay in the local u, i'll b facing a whole new phase of my life, how would i noe if i'd b able to adapt? the answer had been blatant to me. at first. but now, mayb i'm seeing e whole situation in a different light.

3 ppl told me this. exactly the same line. that if you really haf to go or give it up along the way, God will prepare someone to take over you. well. mayb that's an answer to all my questions? i've learnt and truly experienced it. that's why i said yes. i decided to leave it to God. if he wants me to serve Him, i'll willingly and gladly do it. but if there is someone else to beta take that place, i'll gladly take God's answer as a no. the real lesson: to submit.

mayb it's true. the harder u resist, the more God wants u to serve. i was fighting hard to figure which was His voice.

Different persepctives, different circumstances, different possibilities of the future. I can only say that if we have enough faith and put our trust in God, all things will work towards our good eventually. All He asks is that we trust. The days ahead, no matter how it will be, i believe that In His Time, He Makes All Things Beautiful.

birthday presents

feels so nice to come back to ur blog and find lots of encouraging tags on ur tagboard. no matter how small, it has given me that extra strength to move on. :) thanx guys.

happy day today altho it was filled wif two chunks of just physics and chem. i cant believed i sat thru 4 periods of phy and after that 4 periods of chem. but the day was made much happier cos of u ppl. :D :D *beams*

ha was at chem lect today when saw jan and fish and after that weishan walking towards where 78 (where eliza) was sitting...ha...they were looking kinda suspicious :p hehe...so cute..and when i met jan's eyes like she was kinda speechless..haha..then of cos they came up and gave me a present..so cute..ha...but quite rushed cos chem lect was starting..but hehz...already very happy that it was remembered. =) got a very very sweet book on babies (a photo book where u can just look thru it so many times) and notepad and coloured pens..hehe..so fun.. :p

haha..after school went wif far, nana, gq, zc and zc's fren to venezia..hehz.. and after we were all settled down happily wif our ice creams, they announced it was time and gq took out a bag from her schoolbag..ha..so cute..turned out they were tryin to act as if they had forgotten all bout it..ha..but too bad..hehz..they're not exactly very good actresses :p hehe..but thanx guys for the effort..hehe was so amused when i heard bout how they went out to buy that day!!

it was wed..yep..i was buying lunch in the canteen while far and nana were waiting for me to walk out of school together...and before we walked out, we met gq who appeared to be waiting for someone.. (at that point of time, i teased her that she was waitin for her bf :p) but anw..cant remember what her reason was la..but she was hiding behind the pillar..ha..unsuspecting me walked out of school then wif far and nana, and went home as usual. ha so shocked to find out today that they were in fact meeting to go and buy e present..hehe..so cute la u all..ha..thanx thanx :)

and they bought me exactly wat i had wanted to buy!! heh...this brown top from topshop and the MAMMA MIA cd!! hehe..yep yep..listening to it now and reliving that nite :) yay..hehe..happy happy. =)

thank God for my friends. they make the world a much beta place to be in. =)

sending jiawen off

yest nite some of us met and sent jiawen off at the airport..she was leaving for Manchester. mayb it was then that it really hit me how it would b like if i really went overseas to study.

i once said i wont cry cos i'll b feeling scared more than sad leaving ppl, but i was wrong. standing there seeing the rest of jiawen's frens giving her hugs, i was imagining if i was the one leaving, or mayb even any of my frens leaving, and the mere thought almost made me tear.

of course, very excited for her, but at the same time, if i were in her shoes, i'd certainly feel lost.

ps said if she was her, she'd b fighting back tears. how true. and i'm such pok at fighting back tears. i'd probably b crying my eyes out :p

always thought of going overseas as such a fun and exciting experience, and of course, it definitely is. guess i've just been 'escaping' from thinking bout the sad lonely and scary parts.

haiz. oh wells. dream so much for wat. the uni and scholarship applications are still sitting there undone. so frustrating. why why why do we haf to move on? if i could whine if i could just be irrational for once...but...it's just as if the whole world's telling you you beta excel.u beta go to a good university. u beta get a good scholarship. i mean nobody has ever said this to me in my face lar, mayb im' just stressing myself up too much?

mayb i'm just scared. yep. scared of failure. scared of rejection after application. scared of wasting my time of something that would eventually not bear fruit. well. my rational answer is just to trust in God.

it's always in times like these...when i think think think so much about the scary future, then i realise that mayb i should just sit back and let God decide. yep.

why try so hard to control something that really is beyond ur grasp?

mamma mia!!

wat can i say, it was so nice la!! can call it the first musical i've been to, not including those school productions and stuff...and it was super nice!! the SINGING, DANCING, acting and all...oh gosh...really v nice..and tho all of us are only 18, we were so easily hooked onto the ABBA songs!! hehe...yep yep...mayb wat made the whole thing more memorable is that we (yes, we.) went together. all 9 of us trooping into esplanade wif our short skirts (except jan diane and weishan!!) haha

yep..wat made it so memorable is that after 2 years in hc we can still meet up and go for something lidat, all thanx to eliza and fish who coordinated the whole thing...yep..feel so proud to say that yep i'm going wif my sec four classmates!! hehe and all of us in 4a1 and in hc turned up sumore!! and dearest Gill too!! yay :D :D hehe...now i think we're all becoming abba fans..hehe...wanna buy e cd!! hehe...just feels so nice..hah..

some of my fav songs: I have a dream; The Winner Takes It All; Mamma mia; Dancing Queen; Chiquitita; knowing me, knowing you; Slipping thru my Fingers; Our Last Summer, Super Trouper, Thank You for the music...and oops i think i'm lik listing out every song in the show le :p hhaa
but basically yeah that's the case..every song was just so nice..and e dancing and the acting...especially the part when the donna's frens were trying to cheer her up and they were singing dancing queen..it was so so sweet!! hehe.. and so so cute too!!

and after that had sleepover at fish's house!! hehe..altho only four of us, was fun to just haf a sleepover again....hopefully the next time we haf one we'll haf more ppl!! hehe

and went for bio review lect today. haha...e bio teachers are just kinda cute..ha...quite funny (if you're not the one being scolded. hehe. ) well but kinda miss bio. haha.. :p

yay meeting j2 choristers for dinner later. =)

sleepover!

wowee!! cant wait for tml!! mamma mia then sleepover!! hehe so fun... like re-living sec school days again.. yay...good thing eliza came up wif the idea...really hope most can go!!

ha got back math and fm today...at least one big bad subj (fm) over...haha..not as bad as i thot la..really God's blessings..really very thankful.

yest at church the worship team was so good!! esp the lady and the other guy!! it's like..oh gosh...so nice la her voice...ha...dream voice i wish i had..ha...so much beta then loads of singers out there :p ...such a sweet voice!! hah..my secret wish to join a band like this and go round singing and working for God. how nice :D

and yay i'm so happy cos i'm going to yyxz later!! hehe..finally!! after like so many weeks..haha...and agnes and mayb xinyi's going too! hehe yay. :D


feeling joyful. praise the Lord :)

personality?

haha did this personality quiz thing at
http://quizilla.com/users/Aliteinthesky/quizzes/What%20color%20are%20you%3F%20(Amazingly%20detailed%20%26%20accurate--with%20pics!)/
from fish's blog..ha...quite fun..ha..

went to ms ng's house today...was quite fun...looking at ms ng's wedding photos, watching the terminal, eating pizza and playing taboo and rummikub..hehe...the photos were so nice...cant help but dream bout taking wedding photos myself...haha..but gotta wait long long la..haha...but so fun!!! :D :D hehe. but we dint make jelly like wat gq wanted at first :p

but i missed yi tian tu long ji!! :( :( but nvm..haha..agnes just told me bout the crucial part of the show..hehe...so sweet..wuji to zhao min..ah.haha...really quite sweet..if only it was slightly longer..haha..and if only i watched it. haiz.

You're the color blue. You have the three c's in
life--you're cool, caring and confident.
Trustworthy and honest, people are naturally
attracted to you. You're unusually optimistic,
but that makes life all the better. You're an
imaginative person who loves sleeping and
dreaming. Hard-working and determined, you
excell in school. You're everybody's favorite,
and this is because you have this undefined
richness in your personality and attitude.
Mild-tempered and stable. Not to mention very
intelligent. Along with the fact that you're
conservative, you're worried about the
environment. So basically, you're a generous,
dependable and devoted--just the kind of person
everybody needs. Wouldn't it be great if
everybody in the world were like you?

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by

sick of orchard.

i'm kinda sick of going to orchard already!! hehe..but its e ppl u go out wif that matters...yep yep...so nice if everyday's just lidat..meet up wif different groups of frens and catch up...but sadly..cant la.. after this week we'll probably haf to force ourselves to pick up our books again.. :(

today met wif gillian yiwen fish eliza!! hehe fun fun..but being the pigs we are, just ate, sat down to talk, walked a bit then found another place to eat again :p it was just great meeting and toking la haha..always the group of frens who can talk bout anything under e sun :D :D *big hug*

and i bought a skirt today..ha...not bad la..think it's quite worth it..22 bucks only...hope i'll wear it often and it doesnt just become another thing i buy and not use for ages :p

haiz. think i should start preparing for sat 2. and all the irritating dreadful uni and scholarship applications. haiz. why why why....why must it be that these things are so important, yet so dreadful...

i desperately dun wanna grow up.