How time flies

Wow... I did not realise that i haven been blogging for donkey years... Only rem the existance of my blog after someone commented on a post that i wrote few years back after my mum passed away... As one grows older, life gets more complex and challenging. We all need to make decisions at some point or another... be it good or bad decisions, we just hafta accept the outcome... I am at another cross road of my life again... Life is challenging... juggling work, school, family and friends is not easy when u alw feel that your plate is full... luckily i have my darling cats with mi who tide mi thru all the good times and bad. They are my pillar and strength and i duno wad i will do without them. They are the reason and motivation i go to work everyday cos they depend on mi for their basic necessities and in return they give mi their unconditional love... thats wad keeps mi going everyday be it a sunny day or rainy day Back to work now!

Good Karma

Its Friday... I am happy not just because the end of the week is coming but also cos i did 2 good deeds in 2 days. Let mi share with u what happen...

Yesterday, i was on my way to collect ice box from the lab to store the specimen. I was walking along the pediatric wards when i notice this mum. She was pushing the kid in a pram with 1 hand and the hand she was pushing the drip set with pump. Suddenly she stopped in the middle of the corridor and there was a beeping sound coming from the pump. The displays says that there was an occlusion but i was helpless cos i duno how to adjust the drip set to ease the occlusion although i will know wad to do if the pump was attached to a dog or cat. Humans is alw different. Luckily there was 2 doctors who happen to walk past and offered their help. They recommend splintinf the hand further so that the drip line do not nick. I assisted the mum by helping her push the stand while she push the kid back the the ward which is not too far away. The kid was throwing a tantrum when he saw tat we U-turn back to the ward...

Another deed happen when i was at the walkway linking Kent Ridge to the main building just now... I was headin towards the main building when i saw this fat malay lady walk in from the opposite direction. What drew my attention was that she was panting heavily and leaning against the wall. I couldnt bear to walk past her w/o offering my help, so i went up to her and ask if she needed assistant.

I then asked if she wld like a wheelchair, she nodded. In between her breathes, she recounted that nobody wanted to push her tats y she has to walk. In addition she has asthma so hopefully its not an astham attack. I brisked walk over to the nearest clinic and asked the PSA for a wheelchair. I approached her cos i alw make payment at her counter when my mum was following up at the cancer centre. In a way, we know each other but duno each other's name. The PSA followed mi to the malay auntie and offered to push her to her destination which is on the same floor but a few clinics away since its the opposite direction for mi...

In both cases, the patients did not ask for my name so i assume i wun be expecting any compliment letters but nevertheless i m happy. Its a good way to end a tiring and busy week.

As i was typing this post, my doctor came to ask mi for panadol. I tot the office is so big with 99% ladies, surely it will be a piece of cake to get some panadol given most women is a walking doramon. Oh boy, was i wrong. I was running up and down the office before i found a mini cap panadol and i was so thankful for it. I did a step further and poured a cup of water for my Dr to take the meds...

I feel tat i shd write it down in black and white so that next time i can recall the tings i haf done...
Who knows if i will kana Alzheimer or Dementia of any sort rite??? Haha!

18 Sept 2010

To all,

Its been slightly more than a mth since my mum passed away. Everyone at home is goin around their daily routines as normal. More or less we haf settled any outstanding issues left le.

For mi, I requested for an internal transfer from a PSA to a research coordinator and amazingly i was granted approval. My transfer will only take effect in another 1 to 3 weeks time. At the same time, i will be starting on my part time degree studies in PSB academy at the end of Sept. Given i haf credit exemptions, i m able to bring forward my graduation to Nov 2013 instead of sept 2014. I believe it will be a tough period but i m sure i will survive rite??? Haha!]

My helper, Lam is goin back to Myanmar in end Oct... She has been a very efficient and great help at home esp with my mum. I can see the genuine concern she has for my mum and the attachment btw my mum and her is real. She was tearing when my mum passed away when my sis and i din even shed any tears. Lam had wanted to stay till her 2 years is up but her parents are very worried abt her still unmarried at age 29 so they set her an ultimatum saying tat if she dun return by the end of the yr then she can forget abt goin home le... Sian!

Ray and I haf been making plans a little more intensely lately... I shall not say wad it is yet until everyting is finalised k?

Today is a lazy sat afternoon... I tink in future my sats will be used for studying le (tat is if i can stay focused lah... getting old le). I shd be taking a nap soon le... Bye!

My mum's journey

14th August 2010 is the day tat my mama passed away. She was a brave and strong woman who was battling with her end stage pancreas cancer for the last 13 mths w/o complains.

Background: My mum was first diagnosed with cancer by a twist of fate. She was admitted to hosp on 18 july 2009 for severe abdominal pain. Although she was given a painkiller shot at the GP earlier in the day, the pain still persisted after the effect wore off. End up, i had to send her to NUH A&E. It was then tat they did all the test and imaging. At tat point, she was diagnosed with diverticulosis and had to haf part of her intestines surgically removed. However, at the same time, the doc told us tat the CT scan revealed growths in her pancreas which was tested to be maglignant and tat the cancer had alr spread to her liver le

On the day tat my mum was supposed to be discharged. The doc broke news of her cancer to her. She was devastated. Wads worse was tat the doc did it w/o the family around to give her the support. I still blame the doc for tat. The next day, my mum got baptised in my grandma's house

She started her 1st cycle of clinical trial on 20th aug 2009. She only had to go for her chemotherapy once a week and she is very lucky tat the treatment only gave her very mild side effects. Not only that, her chemotherapy duration is only 45mins compared to other medications tat can last for hours on end. At that point, u cant tell that she is down with cancer. She was still plump and was able to go for church every week

At the end of her 1st round of chemotherapy, the whole family brought her to Taiwan for a holiday and a photoshoot... I m thankful tat we did tat and leave behind many beautiful memories of my mum.

By the time she completed her 2nd round of chemotherapy, the CT scan revealed that the cancer cells had spread further le. Hence she was taken off the clinical trial. During the break, her doc in charge, Dr Benjamin Chuah was very encouraging and gave her other options available. Dr Ben was also aware of the cost of cancer treatment therefore he signed up my mum for another clinical trial. It was the Otsuka trial

The Otsuka trial deals with new drug tat has not been released in the market. Good ting is tat my mum do not haf to fork out a single cent and yet be able to stay in A2 (2 bedder) room during the trial. This new oral drug unlike her previous chemotherapy has more sever side effects. She was feeling nauseous a great deal of the day and it resulted in her inappetence. The permanent damger to her was tat it made her blood sodium level remains borderline low ever since. In the end she was also take off the trial cos the new drug did not help to slow down the spread of her cancer

My mum never made it to the 3rd clinical trial tat finally opened at the end of july/start of august 2010. By that time she was too weak to participate in it le. In addition, she was also having bleeding from her vagina

During the course of her illness, the ppl from her JSM church came to visit her a lot and gave her money. It was until she died tat i realise these F***ers did it with a motive. My 2nd uncle helped us a lot too by organising meetings and potluck so that the whole family haf a chance to meet

It saddening for anyone to see my mum progress from someone who is close to 60kg to her 40s then eventually i assume to her 30s with much water retention in her stomach. Initially she looked no different from anyone of us till she started losing her stamina and has backaches more easily. When she first started using the walking stick, she was upset, she says that she never anticipated she will come to such a state. Gradually she was getting weaker and needed someone to shower her and support her to go to toilet. Then, the wheelchair came along and she cant get out of the house w/o it. Be it to the hospital or to the chinese physician. The last phase came when she was totally bedridden, had to coax her to wear her diaper and she was jus a rack of bones. She cant turn herself on the bed w/o assistance and she developed a big bed sore tat was so painful

The very last time she was warded which was at the start of August 2010, she came home with oral thrush, very painful scabs and pus all around her lips and her bed sores became raw and painful. It took my maid and I many days to improve her oral condition under the instructions of the hospice nurse who came to visit her the following day after she was discharged. I was disappointed tat my mum's condition worsen under the care of those professional nurses and i did wad i had to do which was to lodge a complain so that other patients do not suffer the same fate and go thru unnecessary sufferings

It was not easy for the maid and myself during the last few days my mum was still alive. By then she was too weak to use and hold her handphone. She was too boney hence no matter how we flip her on her side, she will wake up with pain and aches everywhere. The only ting tat will relive her pain is more morphine, but the morphine makes her concuss and hullucinates. Her painful mouth made eating and opening difficult but it was definitely getting better le. Sometimes, her diarrhoea was so bad and smelly that my maid will start gagging and keep running out of the room. Even my sis at the other room couldnt take the smell so i will do it alone. On days when i haf to go to work, my mum refuses to let anyone change the dressing for her or change her diaper. When my sis or the maid tries to remove the sticker from the diaper, she will stick it back and wait for mi to come home. Given her oral condition, she wasnt able to wear her dentures and most of the time we cant figure wad she was mumbling abt. Despite that, she was able to groan when in pain during the wound changing

On her last nite (13th aug 2010 which is also fri the 13), i was working late till 10pm. I check with my sis and they had cleaned her and dress the wound le. However, she was different cos she seems to be in pain/discomfort swallowing when they pumped the medications into her mouth with a syringe. She was not able to finish all her meds tat nite, apparently my sis says tat my mum was waiting for mi to come home. My mum's breathing by then was slower. When i reached home, she was slping le so i only woke her up briefly to apply some eye drops for her. At nite b4 i slp, i took a glance at her and tat was the last time i saw her alive...

Paranormal activity

I haf been annoyed with an unknown force in the hse more in the recent days... I m not the only one in the hse who senses it presence. My mum claims she has seen dark shadows loitering outside. Both my previous maid and this current one is scared to stay alone at home even in the day. My bro-in-law says that during one of the time tat my niece fell in their master bedroom, she seems so scared and tat she was more likely to be pushed down than fall by herself. Ray was being "pressed" by ghost when he was slping for 2 or 3 times before when he was slping. My niece also called out to names of dead ppl or unknown ppl at nite when my sis is patting her to slp. Once, she suddenly woke up in the dead of the nite and call for her great grandma who has alr passed away. Another time was at nite when she pointed to a corner in the master bedroom and called auntie when there was no one there. She even said bye apparently after the 'ting' left.



I haf my fair share of encounters too. The 'ting' alw disturbs mi by knocking on my door or it makes mi feel like it is abt to open my door. Its not the continuous kind of knockin but it is more towards those that my niece will sometimes make when she is playing outside and accidentally knock on the door or is leaning against it. However, it will jus knock once making u feel uncertain if its ur imagination running wild or its real. On some occassions, i will hear a sound similar to someone bang on the wall next door but my maid and mum is alr aslp le.



One of the more recent experiece (last mth i tink...) when i was showering alone at home in the morning b4 i go see doc... I hear a knock on the wooden toilet door. I was scared but i din want to let the'ting' knows so i jus carried on as usual. Then i heard another sound. This time its a sound made by the knuckle against the porcelain sink. I was freaked out but i continued to shower only dun dare to close my eyes when i wash my face...

Not long after that incident. It happened again. This time Ray and I was alone at home in the room with the door closed. Both of us can distinctly hear the knock on the door. I was scared but its broad day light leh. Ray eventually went to check it out but there is nothing out there.

However, ever since my mum passed away. I feel less scared at home. Maybe that ting in the house was after my mum or was trying to warn mi someting. Perhaps my mum is watching over us and has chased the 'ting' away le. Wadever it is, i hope it doesnt bother mi again lah. No matter wad was its purpose, i hope it will leave mi alone and never come back liao

Genting trip (16 - 18 Jun 10)

Hey babes,

I address it to the babes cos i assume there wun be more than 5 ppl who will view my blog, wads more there is a 99% chance that those who does come across it will be females... Reason is simple, i only give my blog to my closest gfs and i haf very few of them.

Ok, like wad my title suggests i jus got back from a 3D2N trip at Genting. I shd say tat my impression of Genting is different from the place itself. I was told tat the temp there is aircon temp so the only pc of clothing tat has long sleeves is my windbreaker, amazing aint i??

Day 1

Ray n i took a coach from Boon Lay Shopping Centre at 6.45am... Its the first time tat i slpt so much on a coach ride. On the way up to First World Hotel, i see temples, a dog farm, other hotels and i tink there is suppose to be a strawberry farm hidden somewhere. At an altitude of 1600++ above sea level, we finally reached the hotel. It was only at the hotel tat i found out tat First world hotel holds a guiness record for having the most no. of hotel rooms...

I wasnt prepared for wad i saw... For the 1st time in my 24yrs, i actually had to queue up to get a number to check in. My no. was 7102 and by the time i was there, it was a mere 7012. By the time we checked in and got the room, it was alr 3 plus 4 le. Went back to the room and rested. But no matter wad time u walk ard the hotel, it is forever buzzing with life.

At night, we went for steamboat dinner followed by the casino. Its my virgin experience in a casino and i was really excited to see for myself wad attracts singaporeans to go back to genting repeatedly. Ray and i walked ard and it was not as exciting as i had expected. Yeah there are free hot drinks but i m not used to the fact tat ppl are smoking freely in an enclosed air con place. My eyes were smoked and my nose is feelin so uncomfortable. Managed to play a few rounds of jackpot to kill time before the movie. Watched "A team" for 12RM each. Show was interesting but i was too tired and dozed off at some points

It was the early hrs of the morning by the time we exited the cinema. It was freezing cold outside. Its bloody 15 degree Celsius only and there is strong wind outside. When i looked out of the big glass window at the lift lobby, it was so misty tat i tot i m standing in the midst of the clouds. B4 we slp, we jus haf to open the windows and there will be natural air con *bet the hotel saved a lot of money when constructing it cos they dun need to install a singel unit of aircon*

Day 2

Ray and I slpt till noon...Showered and all b4 we left for lunch. Ate Mary Browns at First World Plaza. Honestly, it wasnt as nice as i had expected. I alw find it weird tat they serve porridge, rice or sphaghitte in a fast food outlet as such, bet it is to cater to malaysian's taste bah. We shopped ard, looked at ppl play the roller coaster and other games in the indoor theme park.

Probably in the last afternoon, we went back to the hotel, rented a wireless broadband and lazed ard in the room for a couple more hrs. We headed back the the plaza for some shooting games (my highest accuracy is 96%), bowling (alm stike a few times) then dinner eating some hainan pork chop and chicken chop. Afterwards, we bought combined tix to a haunted hse and Ripleys believe it or not exhibition. The haunted hse is the lowest grade kind cos we haf to walk thru it ourselves and it was so paiseh cos i keep screaming whenever someting pops up...haha! However, the Ripleys exhibition was an eye opener and very interesting, we took a few hrs to finish walking thru it, took quite a lot of pics there too. It was 12 am plus when i hit the pillows in my room

Day 3

Rise and shine early at 9am. had to check out by 12pm. Did not go for breakfast, Ray was in the room using the internet and doin his work. Normally for checking out, u jus need to drop the key at the counter and deposit ur luggage at the same time. This time round, we left ard 12.10pm and we had to queue everywhere we go from returning the modem to queuin at the abnormally long queue to deposit our luggage.

By the time we settle down for lunch, its ard 1.10pm, ate hastily and rushed back at 1.45pm to collect the luggage cos the coach is at 2pm. But to our dismay the coach is being delayed and we were told to be back at 3.15pm. So Ray and I took all our barang barang and headed to the nearest spa place for a half hr massage b4 goin back to the coach bay. Jus nice the coach was there waiting for us.

I slpt a lot on the return journey too. And i did witness quite a few near death experiences on the malaysian road too but it seems like it is so common and nobody is really bothered by it. The recommended speed on the road says 110km/hr and i m certain my coach went beyond the speed limit at times too. Reached SG close to 11pm

Will be resting for the weekend b4 resuming work again... Looking forward to the next trip in Dec.

Evil collegues

What happened was like this:

It was a friday, i did my 11am to 8pm shift a few days back and tat day it happened to be "R" who is the stay back person meaning although she ends work at 6.30pm, she is supposed to help mi clear most of my work b4 she leaves. On tat day i did my duty, "J" told mi tat she is very aware of the stunts tat she is capable of, so she told mi to inform her if "R" leaves w/o informin mi.

"J" was half rite lah, tat day "R" did tell mi tat she is leavin indirectly by tellin mi she finished clearing the folders le but wad she did not do was to ask mi if i needed further help elsewhere then she happily went to change

To add to it, "Y" showed mi attitude. She came to mi and told mi to fax someting over. But at tat time i was counting money so i told her nicely to help mi fax instead but she keep pushing it back and forth to mi, i was annoyed then i told her to it lah cos it wun take long. She unwillingly accepted it but she left it on the table and joined "R" in changin to leave and never came back.

Suay suay my closing in th counter got discrepencies so i approached them to seek help. As "Y" has done it b4, she told mi to fill up a form then send to the finance dept which is the wrong way to do tings... But was i cannot tahan was the bitchy look on their faces

So at the end , i sms "J" to complain abt both of them. Somehow, when word got passed on from "J" to "W" to "R", it got distorted. She mus haf been mad at "J" for tellin her off twice in the morning tat she vented out her frustrations at mi. She called mi into the room and accused mi of tell tales to "J" tat she MIA. I keep explainin to her tat i did not say tat but she insisted saying tat she heard if from "W". So in the end i say, if u r not happy wif mi then complain to the higher authorities lor. "R" says tat i cld haf told her directly abt tings i was not happy with her (including other tings) instead of complaining to "J", i told her it was cos "J" asked mi to do so mah... i cried cos i was wrongly accused of someting i did not do. I felt horrible , i hid at the staircase and cried during my lunch break. I knew i did not do anyting wrong but i was tinking abt how to work with these ppl in future.

In the end i forwarded the sms i sent to "J" over to "R" to show tat i did not say she MIA. For the next few days after tat, "R" and "Y" did not talk but somehow in the recent days, "R" started talking to mi like before. Its scary cos u duno wad they haf up their sleeves. Now my plan with "C" is to accumulate "Y" evil doings so tat she cant get confirmed after her probation

Jus 2 days ago, i got my comfirmation letter. I was waiting for my supervisors to finish their meeting b4 i pass a copy to them. I had used a big clip to clip my letter. But when "R" came in, she took over my seat, peeped at my letter and then act dumb and asked if the paper was mine. Then she hypocritically asked how did i fare for my confirmation appraisal? I replied mainly satisfactory but i heard from "C" tat she told "W" and "Y" tat i exceed expections lor and tat i very 'ya ya' now. Duno whether to say she is blind or she cant read...

Feels very tired handling ppl like her at work. Its on top of the workload i haf to handle at work too. I was tinking maybe i shd get a internal transfer, if not find another job after the midyr bonus. But i m aware tat malicious ppl are everywhere. but wad to do leh?

Colleagues

Hey all,

For those who hasnt been in contact for mi for a long time, this is to update u tat i haf started on a new job on 2nd March 2010. Its not convenient for mi to disclose where is the place but i wanna introduce u to the colleagues at work so that u ppl can understand better when i mention those ppl in the next post

"J" (Chinese) is my mentor and also the 1st person i know at work. She is a senior staff and has worked here for abt 3 yrs +. However, she is 1 yr younger than mi. Personality wise, she has been very patient with mi, knows her job well and has a very good relationship with the 'higher ups' here

"W" (Indian-Muslim) is a super experienced staff, worked here for over 20 years i heard. She is a loud person meaning her voice is loud and she is big sized too. However she is not a senior staff in title. She is willing to teach but not as patient as "J"

"R" (Indian-Muslim) has been working here for abt 8 mths le. Was previously working in SAF as an admin staff i tink. She tinks she knows a lot but in fact she doesnt. The senior staff will remind her the tings not to do but she will still do it repeatedly, so sometimes i dun quite dare to seek advice from her. She is also like "W" can be a loud person. She is pushy depending on who is ard

From our previous conversations, she is married but still has a lot of guys ard her, even got 1 ask her to go on a trip with him behind her husband's back. So tats the kind of impression she gives ppl. She is very frank and is not afraid to offend ppl. But tat doesnt mean she is right. U r either a friend or a foe to her. Her sentences are alw full of vulgarities, no wonder her husband also from SAF too. She doesnt like to stay back and will leave on the dot. If she is the one stayin back then she will be very kan chiong and do tings very fast.

Normally, new staff will be on probation for 3 mths only but her was extended to 6 mths before she was confirmed. Reason being, she used her half her quota for her MC during her probation. She will use 'urgent leave' at the slightest ting like goin to the bank for non urgent matters. For here, if ur probation is extended then its a big matter cos it means u r not rite somewhere

"Y" (Malay) has been with us for abt 2 mths le. She is not young, probably in her 40s. She was previously from Gleneagles. She is the understudy of "W". Dun underestimate her, although she is new here, she doesnt behave like 1.

Her speciality is to try to shift responsibility, avoid responsibilities, bossy, attitude. In terms of seniority at work, i m more senior but on the first few days of work, she has alr ordered mi to do things for her. Ordered is bcos she jus tells u to do it, no pls or wadsoever. Once, she told mi to fax someting.I told her to do it instead cos it wun take long, she keep arguing with mi then she jus left and change her clothes to leave. She is definitely capable of spinning tales. The senior exec here have seen her shouting at customers before lor. I hope she cant get confirmed

"Y" like "R" does not like to stay back, they will leave as soon as time is up. When "Y is doin the earlier shift she doesnt complain cos can knock off at 5.30pm. However when she is scheduled to the later shift to leave at 6.30pm, she starts grumbling. I mean everyone has their share of the different shifts mah.

When "Y" and "R" are together tat is a deadly concortion. When "W" + "Y" + "R" are together then u haf a marketplace. I seriously hope that "Y" does not get confirmed after probation.

The execs including "J" and "W" are aware of the 'stunts' "R" and "Y" are up to but nothing is being done leh

"C" (chinese) is a sweet young ting. She is only 20 this year. This is her 1st perm job after poly. She is guai guai and is very sheltered in my opinion. Her dad sends her and her sis to and fro work daily leh. She was once bullied by "Y" till she cried. She alw come complainng to mi whenever she is being bullied by 'Y"

Mother's Day & Birthday 2009

May is a special month of the year. Not only does Mother's day falls in May, my mama's bdae also falls in May. 10th May is Mother's day and 18th May marks my mama's 54th years of age... Sad to say, i was in Redang with my friends during Mother's day but nevertheless, i still bought her a pair of earrings from Goldheart as a present in advance. The earring is made of rose gold and platinum and jus nice it can match with the pandant we got for her during CNY...

Aniwae, the whole family will be havin dinner at Holland V on the 18th to celebrate her birthday. Also, i have made a reservation for a "All Choc Cake" from Awfully choc as well... Hope tmr will be a good day... haha

Steamboat at Chinatown

Here are some of the pics that my colleagues, Jiang Min and Xiao Yan took as we went to Chinatown on 30/4/09... We were there with 2 missions in mind. 1 is to help JM choose a top for a auntie she knows. 2 is to eat steamboat again.

We walked thru the streets of Chinatown back and forth b4 deciding on the top to buy. I shd say my taste in clothes is different from JM and XY but its ok lah. At the end of the day, wad matters is the receiver likes it lor.

After that we were on a hunt for another steamboat place AGAIN... This time, we walked along the carts which were supposed to imitate "roadside stalls" in the past. Tell u ah, gers can be really adamant on their food craving sometimes. Despite knowing tat we shd keep our stomachs empty b4 binging on food, we still give in to the temptation and ate a couple of satays... hehe!

Finally we came to a stop in front of these 2 steamboat shops which are side by side. At first we went in to enquire abt the pricing and then met with this super duper annoying middle aged female china boss. She keeps pressing us to stay here to eat then say that her food is authentic and nice. Its like hard selling to us lor.Tat kind of environment makes us feel uncomfortable staying there. She even went to the extent of bringing out the whole pot of spices she used for the spicy soup base to prove that her food is authentic Szechuan food. Wads worse is that she almost wanted to say bad tings abt the shop next door. At last, we managed to escape and went over to the shop next door.

The shop next door feels more comfortable... The bosses are friendly and the place is cosy. We ate for a good 1hr and even made friends with the boss. The male boss is from china too and coincidentally he and Jiang Min are 同乡so they click pretty well too. We were all overly stuffed at the end of the session and we vow never to eat steamboat again le... haha!