JAMC were obsessing over the personality tests today
So i went to relook at mine.... ESFJ. woah it's like someone is really peering into your soul, with some of the character descriptions. hahaha wonderful description by amos.
ESFJs like me have these weaknesses:
"Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
Need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
May be overly status-conscious, and interested in how others see them
Have very difficult time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to take the blame for the failure onto their own shoulders
Have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them"
LOL SIGH. A lot of semi-true things that you wouldn't want to admit to yourself, but it's true (generally)
"ESFJs want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give to others. This need of theirs is sometimes intensified to the point where they are very emotionally needy, and constantly "go fishing" for affirmation if it is not freely given. ESFJs typically cannot stand conflict or criticism. They take any sort of criticism as a general indictment of their character. This is a potential pitfall for ESFJs to be aware of. In the face of negative feedback, or the absence of positive affirmation, ESFJ may become very depressed and down on themselves. Appreciation is the greatest gift that their mates can give them."
Freak man, im a needy person. Not that i didn't know that already. But damn.
Haha life.
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11/13/2013 01:40:00 AM
ho hum.
i need to stop being a barnacle.
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Saturday, November 09, 2013
I don't know man
11/09/2013 12:25:00 AM
Wonder if i'm being taken for granted
It's understandable that everyone is super busy, stressed and have many priorities– pressing ones. But I've been through the exact same things (no shit school sucks trololol) with worse scheduling perhaps, but yet i don't recall not dropping everything to spare time.
I guess maybe it just shows that I am not considered as one of the competing priorities then.
Don't know why I'm always dropping so much and waiting around for some people (you), when I have other wonderful people who always ask after me/ask for my company & time on a daily basis. The ones who make me feel like I am worth their time. And aren't we all facing the same tough grueling schedules?
So why are some just so much more adept at caring than others?
I don't know.
Maybe the obvious answer is just that you are not one of those who cares enough.
I probably need to realize that maybe, just maybe, wistful thinking and waiting is never going to be enough.
Need to move on with life. But every time I try, something reels me back in.
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Friday, October 25, 2013
stickiness
10/25/2013 09:52:00 PM
I think im a really sticky person.
Consistently find myself holding back from contacting people because i'm scared i get too close/dependent on them, and then they find me clingy or bothersome and they back off.
So instead, i spend my time wondering whether its appropriate to contact XXXX or send a link to YYYYY, and so on.
Sigh. I wonder why none of my friends are the kind who do the same to me? I need to be able to just spam and type anything i want at anytime without fear of being judged/distanced from. I used to do that with bren, but she's so busy in UK that i fear im just some annoying nuisance now. :( sigh.
But then sharon tells me that of all her friends, i am not clingy or dependent at all.
Then i wonder whether there are just ppl who are worse than me, or whether i get overly dependent on 1-2 ppl, at the risk of all the rest whom i barely contact. That's not good. Always in fear that i'm losing the few friends i have (so few in number in sch already).
Ugh. Report was horrible. I think i had 1/2 a pretty damn good paper churned out, and then it all went to shit coz there wasn't enough time. Lol this is what i do to myself each time an assignment rolls around. Procrastinate until screwed. Haiz. Could have done so much better. Seeing as i really know what i wanted to write/planned out everything.
Anyway, 2 more grp projects due in 2 days time. I can do this eep.
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Monday, October 21, 2013
ARGH but exercise
10/21/2013 12:02:00 AM
stressed. some shit is happening to my laptop in my most busy hell week.
have 2 presentations/reports due within 2 days of my individual research paper (which i havent started) which is due at the end of this week. And i stupidly decided to update my OS for my mac, and it crashed.
Am now functioning on the "safe recovery mode" which allows simple functions to function (at least) thank goodness.
Have nobody to blame but myself for my less-than-wise life choices.
Ah well.
Decided to take a quick half hour break to exercise and destress.
I think I'll start a new pattern/routine? Instead of just running many km like siao, and spoiling my joints + spending many hours jogging around my estate, I think im gonna do circuit exercises like so many ppl are advocating (lol heard from some health freaks like Liyuan/Junhong during lawcamp org comm dinner many months back).
Gonna do circuits of crunches, pushups, squats etc instead. See if that helps me get a nice bod wahaha.
Probably not. But no harm trying. Saves time too. I recently saw some girl on instagram, she has damn toned muscles and all, (& hundreds of followers to boot), and her routine seems damn little??? Like seriously quite peanuts. Maybe it's coz she doesn't spend all those hours running but instead does the circuit stuff, but to be fair she really really does them regularly (while ill-disciplined ppl like me don't obviously haha)
But meanwhile, can't wait for hell week to be over, so I can get back to my life.
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Thursday, October 03, 2013
word of the day
10/03/2013 04:54:00 PM
Disappointment.
Nothing feels worse. Especially when it's disappointment at yourself. Sometimes a little bit is also aimed at the people around you. But mostly yourself.
That you can let things get screwed up..
That you didn't do good.
That you are totally underperforming.
sian lah.
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Sunday, September 29, 2013
just stop
9/29/2013 01:17:00 AM
It is taking much longer than i would like.
I have constantly sought to avoid seeing you in person... and it has worked for the most part. But mostly it has failed in terms of desired outcome. It still doesn't stop me from staring wistfully at your name in the fb chat "online" list, and at your name entry in my whatsapp application.
Both of which register a long time since i last received had any communication with you.
Sometimes, I stare at that accusing green dot or that last seen time stamp and wonder whether you ever do the same for me.
Obviously not.
And then I stare at that dot, and get semi-envious of the people you are voluntarily and happily talking to. The lucky ones who get to bask in your time and your words. The lucky ones you treat as your friends.
And I still wonder what was the problem you found with me such that I may fix it and improve "me" for myself, for my own purposes. Was thinking hard about asking outright. But it would probably shift things from an unacknowledged half-comfortable impasse towards full blown awkwardness that can never be fixed.
And being me, being in constant denial, I never want things unfixable. Especially if it concerns you.
If you ever read this, you'd probably think i was an obsessed person. You might even find me annoying or far too emotionally burdensome. Yes maybe I am. Or on another note, it also shows that I don't walk away easily once I invest in people. And that I saw something worth investing.
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Tuesday, September 17, 2013
i rather just be sick in the head, than actually sick
9/17/2013 08:49:00 PM
okay the doctor said that i caught the SAME freaking bloody cough/cold infection again. I barely recovered a week ago, and 5 days later, im down with the same thing. Apparently my immune system is just weak, haiz, and so i caught the same thing probably back from all the other smu people who are sick with this mini-epidemic cough.
Sigh spending half of my 4 weeks of school sick.
Anyway, got this super high powered antibiotic. Feel damn weak now or is it just my imagination.
Ah well. need to get better majorly and fast. next week is scary week. Property law moot/ presentation and Comparative Legal Systems presentation (i think).
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Monday, September 09, 2013
Why Bleach Why
9/09/2013 12:20:00 PM
i know i shouldn't have slacked off, but i needed a break or i was gonna explode.
re-watched a bit of bleach and OMG all the feels :(
epic sad moment, akin to Snape in Harry Potter where he went "after all this time?.... always"
SIGH.
Let me attempt to type out the hiragana from the poem found in the manga (above)
Might be wrong at some parts, forgot so much alr.
Kimi ga ashita hebi o nare
Hito o kurai hajimeru toshite
Hito o kuraita sono kuchi de
Boku o aisu to hoeta toshite
Boku wa hatashite kyou to onaji ni
Kimi o aisu to iieru darouka?
If tomorrow you became a snake
And started devouring people
And with that mouth that devoured people
You proclaimed to me that "you love me"
Would I be able to say I love you the way I do today?
Ermagad. the feels. :(((
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