New Year Eve

For yaer 2013, it has been a year of fufilling entertainment and soccer training. I believe these two aspect was deeply involved in my life. Other than that, business and career aspect wasn't fufilled. After the Bangkok trip on 13th Jan, things will change. Time to resume my role fully as head of the household.

This will not be the end of the post. I need to generate more postive thoughts to live a life full of meaning in the present and in the future. Happy New Year Everyone!

TIme

Wow! What a week! Time really zoom by if you allow it to. In order to cherish every moment, you have to focus on the things that's important instead of focusing on routine stuff that's not important. This implies it's crucial to priortise

THe cycle

I literally felt that my cycle of entertainment has come to an end. I remember vividly that when I retire from the gaming scene, I was still on and off games till 2007 before I stop completely. That was 6 years after I declare to myself internally that everything to do with gaming has ended.

Now I will set a date.. No, I can't seem to complete the sentence. I need more time. Not more session for fun. Now all I know is this; I have no backup plans. The only backup plan I have is myself. Sooner or later, I will have to revert back to my life as the head of household.

At peace

My heart is at peace once again. Maybe one cycle has ended. Time to build an empire in 2014.

Fergie's lesson

Notes from Fergie autobiography:

1. When you are young, 14 hour work day are necessary to establish yourself and your work ethic

2. With youth, you have the capacity to establish your stability for latter life

3. With age you have to manage your energy

4.eat the right food, keep fit and sleep just enough (5-6hour)

5.you cannot beat hardwork

6.life door will slam in your face one day but consider yourself unbreakable till then

7. After a setback, recover 1st. Then improve

 8. Don't just count on your losses. That's history!

9. Reacting to adversity display both strength and character

10.origins must never be a barrier to success

11.In management, be prepared to forgo your social life

12. Always always stand up for yourself

Life

I can't believe I lost like 2 games in a row. One is because I betted on something I am not familiar with. Another is because I betted AGAINST odds movement again. Am I really that greedy sub-consciously?

I need to adjust OR find ways to supplement my income. Otherwise, I am unable to fufill a promise I made to myself about building the next generation. Jia you Alvin!

Dream

I had a dream. While in a half awoke state, my sub-conscious mind got activated. My true and sincere self woke and speak to my confuse self. In him, he said that you have to start dealing with people with more sincerity and honestly.

In terms of your career, business and soccer betting, you have to ensure that you are realistic in hitting your target. Workwise, be prepare to wait it out till you go JB before deciding on a career switch. However, that doesn't stop you from searching out for new jobs now. You must research on the market 2-3 months before you enter for interview etc.

Business wise, give it another 1-2 years before deciding if you wish to call it quit. Soccerwise, the most I give you is another 1-2 more season. Always be realistic about your goals and never be greedy and desperate. All those money, career, excuses factor will never cover your insecurity. One just need to know when to be appreciative of the present to enjoy what's coming from the future.

The wrong direction

I might be looking at the wrong direction. Instead of gettting more money, I must be thinking of how to get money to work for me. If I am to venture in management, I must start learning how to delegate so that I can have time for more deep thought planning. Once a year isn't enough. I must achieve a deep thought learning timezone of at least once a week.

I am tired of drinking yet I still drink. I am tired of being fat yet I still eat all the junk food. This is a cycle and a really bad one. A cycle which I am steering myself in a wrong direction.I broke the cycle and didn't allow it to stay continuously in my life. Now it's high time I steer clear.

A few more lesson from Fergie autobiography:

1. After a setback, recover 1st. Then improve

2. Don't just count on your losses. That's history!

3. Reacting to adversity display both strength and character

4.origins must never be a barrier to success

5. In management, be prepared to forgo your social life

6. Always always stand up for yourself

Constant self-awareness

THis week when volume is low in office, I started doing things with a higher level of consciousness. This is because there's no need for me to rush, no pressure for me to work at a higher pace. I remember reading an article about soccer players who are in their early 30s. IN that article, they critised players who go for money and play for clubs in the US league and Russian league. However, those leagues are considered lower level in comparison with German, Italy, England and Spain league.Once they realise they are no longer that competitive, they tried going back to the big four and have problems adjusting to the pace. One such player was Samuel Eto. He played with Russian league Anchi for two season. When he came back to Chelsea, it took him quite some time to adjust to his peak fitness.

Right now, I am in the same situation. The strategy was to sit and wait for the transition. Once over, I will determine if the other side of the bank was a better platform to launch my career. If it is, I will stay. If not, I will leave. The problem with leaving the bank now after the declaration of merger was a risk of joining a new foreign bank. As foreign bank can easily announce cost cutting measure, shifting of operation needs overseas etc, I felt that it was not a good time to change. If I did, it will be a last in one out basis should a retrenchment exercise begin.

Another way is to join a local bank. However it's worse! The pay will be lower and the working hour is long. For the 1st time in my life, I felt bored staying in a bank working. Volume are v low now and I am practically doing nothing much. Maybe it's my mentality? I kept on telling myself that I will definitely last through all of this. Even as I am typing this blog, that's what I am telling myself now. Endure through all for a better future.

Cycle of life

oOne cycle of game, one cycle of night entertainment. Reading through my blog, I realise I have been stuck in the same cycle for 8 years rather than 5 years. Throughout this 8 years, what truly hurt me the most is not finding enough composure to last through a relationship turn bad. From Aug 2008 onwards, I was on a mission.. A mission to find out the meaning of true love. In the end, all I have is vauge answers and a repeated cycle of nightlife entertainment.

Fortunately, I was able to experience and meet different people. Most of them are good and we travelled quite often. As for the answer of truth love, I believe I will find it one day. Time to end all these 8 years of negativity cycle with pure will power^^

Cycle of life

One cycle of gaming, one cycle of night entertainment. Finally, one cycle of business making so that by the time I am 38-43 years old, I will be able to start a family. Maybe I will choose to start my family late.

Entertainment will be optional rather than compulsory. I will attempt to fill that emptiness in my heart. This emptiness can probably be filled by achievement. Only by making my life fulfilling, only then I will no longer feel empty

Consequences of a 5 year drinking cycle

Now that I have broken through this cycle, I need to stop it soon. Only then can deeper thoughts enter my mind. All these entertainment gave me an experience which I have never encounter before. NOw all that's left is for me to flourish in my career, business and soccer betting. Let's do it!

Pain!

Ouch! This swollen gum problem really affect my focus. All I can do is sleep and hope the pain will go away the next day. The pain killer given by the dentist doesn't seem to work at all. Most importantly, they claimed that unless there's tooth extraction, otherwise no MCs are given. Does this implies that if I am in so much pain that I can't even walk, the dentist can't give me an MC just because I did not extract tooth? I find their reasoning a little irrationale.

I was supposed to touch on some business work but ended up surfing the net. Is this a cycle of things to come? NO! I believe I have broken the cycle. I just need to put myself back in deep thoughts.

Positive thoughts

Keep thinking positively. Don't give up in thinking positively so that one day, the thoughts gets imbue deeply into your sub conscious. Never give up

The devil from within

I don't know what the devil is inside of me.. But from day 1, I know the answer lies deep within.. It can be a blessing.. It can be a curse.. It will always be a battle inside to see who emerge on top. Whenever I wake up in the morning, I seem glue to bed. The little voices in my head seem to encourage me to take more rest no matter how much I sleep. This results in a lazy body. Sometimes despite sleeping more than 8 hours, my body still encourages me to take a nap. This is ridicuous. Hear this my body.. I am in control from now on. The body listens to its master!!!

Within the heart

Problems from the heart can only be resolved by medicine from the heart. That medicine can only be found when you defeat the enemy from within. Deep dive into it.. What does it TRULY MATTER at the end of the day?

Let's state an example. When you broke off with Serene five years ago. What triggered was an return to nightlife. While you may not be drowning yourself in sorrow, you are trying to find an answer to what love really is.

Have you found the answer?

Next up close to 3 years ago, you started business with Kevin and co in the view that you wish to earn more pocket money. Close to 3 years down the road, is more money the right path to go?

Are you struggling from within and going around in circle?

Let me tell you what truly matter for now. I may not have the answer to what love is but I know I have the maturity and experience to handle my emotions better compared to my initial relationship. My reasons for earning pocket money is no longer there. Instead, what I got was a different perception of how the world can be viewed.

Workwise, I MIGHT be going around in circle because I am not doing things the business development way but rather still relying a lot on myself. Love wise it has become a never ending path of diving into nightlife for the purpose of lust.

And now that I know the true reason why I am doing business and in nightlife, it is time to align my objective. I need to develop and improve on my management abilities and I also need to cut back on nightlife and start a serious relationship.

For nightlife wise, it has to be where necessary basis because time doesn't wait for me.

rest

Rest is important. Rest is good. Time flies so high that I can't believe it has been 9 days since I updated this blog

To reteriate!

To always believe in myself in everything I do and cherish all things that I have.
Give more, expect less. Help those in need. Spread happiness where possible.
To achieve an analytical mindset and establish a career that is meaningful, contribute to society and earns me $10,000-$20,000 a month.
To attain a lean fit body that is capable of producing boundless positive energy.
To lead in a loving, fufilling and healthy relationship.

To be reminded and start acting on it because I wish to see achievement at the end of the road.

Balance between punt and rest

Last week, I push myself to the limit and got fantastic punting results. The setback was tiredness this week and I nearly fall sick. So I skip my punt this week even though I saw all result going through without any major upset. I need to balance out my punt time and rest time because I know I will not compromise on my health. At the same time internally, I knew I could have done better by forgoing something.

Now, there are two aspect on this something:

1. Temptation aspect- Had I passed this aspect and rest, I would have the energy to make last night punt.
2. Getting rid of my negative emotion- Had I passed this factor, I would have even more rest and thus could have more rest.

All this leads back to two factor, I need my eyes to remain sharp for my focus to be perfect. I need my emotionless factor to be back. Definition of the emotionless factor is to delete all negative emotion by focusing on the positive ones.

Silent treatment

I realise that when I stop laughing, I think more in depth. Whenever I start laughing, all those deep thoughts will escape from my mind. It's as though nonsensical laughter will enable air from my brain to flow out of my head and I become a thoughtless zombie struck in a very routine environment.

To break free of this unhealthy habit, I choose to clench my teeth together so that my thoughts will gather again.

May I succeed and may the force be with me

Soccer time!

Spurs hole behind the striker is not determined yet. Granada, Celta Vigo to monitor further based on their purchases.

Focus on what you need and want

The energy towards positive thinking must be channelled towards positive action to receive maximum efficiency. So instead of focusing on NOT getting sick, you must focus on getting healthy. Instead of focus on NOT wasting time, you should focus on spending time meaningfully so on and so forth.

So always be aware of where and how you focus because you wouldn't want to end up focusing on the wrong objectives in life and ended up losing your direction.

Self awareness

Sometimes to maintain that self-belief, you need to have constant self awareness. Because this society is my enemy preventing me from my success. Looking around myself, I saw all sort of people eating unhealthily, engrossed in meaningless activity and inviting me to participate.

So does that imply I am conforming to society rather than fighting against it where appropriate? No! That's not the way. If this society prevent my success, I will ignore it! And bring success to myself.

Damage Sub-conscious Mind

I have been telling my sub-conscious mind many negative stuff that whenever I tried to do something positive, it will bite back on the negativity that I instill in it the last 4 years. A good example will be when I wake up to run this morning. I kept hearing a negative voice telling not to run and to run another day.

Ever since my re-wakening, all these negative sub-conscious thoughts are pulling me back. However, there is no way I am going to give up in believing in myself. I will rebunk all those negative thoughts and instill new positive belief straight into my sub conscious. I believe I can clear all my goals before I fly. Let's start with this one...

Ready for the future? Recovery to the peak?

All these while in the TD scene, I thought I have been on a downhill. Hell yes I have been in a downhill. Those days of drinking had made me unfocused. So I thought if I can train up to have my focus like my full time work and part time degree day, I will be fully focused. Then I thought if I can trained up my physics to be like 2003 when I was running marathon, I will have boundless energy.

Heck all that! Why? It is simple.. To say I need to achieve the above two in order to fufill my future goals are nosense? WHy? That implies that I am saying I need a perfect mind and a perfect body before I can work. THAT is the problem. All these are factors that help me succeed! HOWEVER, what I need is the linking and main source of strength that help me succeed in all my life. That thing is call self belief.

Self belief is like the heart. So long as you believe in something enough, your sub-conscious and conscious mind will react to it and you will act on it faster than you can imagine. What's there to be ready about? You have never be ready for life itself isn't it? If you wish to focus, just focus... Don't look for reasons why you are not focusing. If you need to have boundless energy, just act like you have boundless energy and DO THE RIGHT THING! Believe in doing the right thing and the result will manifest itself isn't it?

From day 1, you are already perfect.. Look here.. THis is a phase of life you are going through. The clubbing, the KTV.. The overseas trip etc etc.. That doesn't imply all these fun are restraining you so stop giving yourself excuses that you are not focus and you do not have the energy etc etc..

What Alvin, you really need is the heart which is your self-belief! Once the linking factor is there, the rest of the factor, be it your focus, your energy level, your discipline or your fighting spirit will all manifest and come out by itself..

So what if you can't KC like others? SO what if you can't startup a business like others? So what if you are not financially secured? So what if you are lacking of something? All these are not important because they are factors to success and not the linking factor..

Like what you always say... Just belief in yourself, your own strength and energy level..For those area where you are lacking, just replace it with your fighting spirit!

Focus..

Focus my thoughts.. Think like how I used to and work like how I used to...

Controlling the sub-conscious

After a few weeks.. 8 weeks of discipline training, I am finally back to my best focus. At least these two days I can work without having to sleep so much compared to the past. This implies that my body is finally recovered back to the pre drinking days. This is at least 3 years ago where I can run home without any setback from my Harbourfront office.

Now what i need is the energy that keep my focus back to those days where I studied part time and work full time. This energy level must be at least at the level of my army training days in 2003. Let;s work hard!

Making things happen

I kept on being v aware of my surrounding. I kept on reminding myself not to let my mind control me but rather I should consciously control my sub-conscious mind so that it works in my flavor. IN order for a new generation to thrive, I must create a new gene within me that is strong enough to overcome all obstacles.

In order to make things happen again, I must recall those days when I worried about food on the tables. How I create miracles and overcome all obstacles to study with full focus and discipline, to self-fund my degree and to fight for a home I call my own.

In another words, making things happen does not mean doing things that already can be done. Instead, it meant doing things that originally have not been done yet but you did it.

Let's thrive!

Focus on the now and envisage the future

I am looking to start posting more on this defunction xenodemon's blog once again to share my personal feelings. This is because I realise that goals set by myself are achieved at a very slow pace and I am losing focus and energy at times.

For a start, I need to focus on what I am doing now to ensure that I am performing daily work and business task correctly and accurately. This is to enable my sub-conscious mind to recognise all the right habits to adhere to so that once they had accustomed to the right way of doing things, I can move at a much faster pace.

Next up will be to recognise the fact that my life is currently undergoing a transition period in all aspect of my life. These include:

1. Carreer: My bank career is undergoing a transition period thus it is unavoidable that there will be times of boredom like what I am facing now in office.

2. Business: Again this is also going through a transit period where we are trying to manage rising cost while keeping our rates competitive

3. With item 1 and 2 happening and with my item 3 ALSO changing, I am losing a comfort zone to relax. Yes I know I can drink 1 time per week to relax but I just find it meaningless now. I wish to have a healthy lifestyle which is the reason I choose to hiberate. Thus my entertainment life is affected.

All 3 items that are undergoing transition must be in line. This implies that I must ensure work at the bank becomes even more focus and accurate. Business aspect I must read up more and finally during this 6 weeks before my Bangkok trip, I am raise my energy level to match the new platform I am trying to attain.

This platform will be one where entertainment takes lesser importance while I focus on building the 6 goals I have envisage.

That's all for now.

Lesson learn from the 0-0 game with QPR VS Spurs

Obviously, I should not be taking QPR game because QPR win against Chelsea and Spurs is Harry's past club. Sentiments will be there. QPR probably hit Chelsea on the counter which results in the win and they nearly did so against Spur if not for the slip up by the striker.

You are only one season into it and should learn how to grow from your setback instead of allowing your emotion to overrun you. A mistake is worthwhile only if you learn from it.

Think from this perspective. If you lose at 5 digit,  won't you feel much worse than you already did now?

You should never allow set your soccer funds for future entertainment needs knowing that you ain't that good yet. Because that soccer funds build on your pressure and you feel it consistently and become greedy.

Now you know that building yourself in terms of maturity and physics take precedence over money. Because if you continue winning with your current mentality, you will be sliding towards using money to build success instead of using a balance of money and brain to build success. Furthermore, you will always have the fear holding you back because you are afraid of losing.

Finally, start influencing people.. Help others to succeed so that you can build on your own success.

Next on soccer training, think it through. Is it neccessary to use $500 to startup building your soccer funds or just a slightly smaller amount? If small, how small is it? You have to take into consideration the $20 side training bet that you have.

Also to ask yourself this question: are setting the funds aside for funds building? Or soccer training?