I had never miss someone so badly before...Ever...It just felt so different this time...So so different...

I don't desire perfection nor capability, just love and loyalty... - Darren 2010

Never judge someone by it education or background...Anyone who is helpful to what you are doing or able to cover your weakness are probably the best teammates/partners you can have. They are one that will probably assist your way up your career ladder or someone that will probably grow your business with you. While anyone who is just plain NATO, well they are incompetent. Care less to judge who are they and what they are...

This is what I learn in group works and in business...Your best partners are the one that able to cover your weakness, not the one that rank the highest in some dean list. Teaching you high level math or the concept of management...isn't going to help you to do business in China or deal with employees. Experience is the best lesson anyone can have. Why? Probably other than Mark Zuckerberg...any other successful business leaders has always fail but never let themselves remain as a failure...always climbing back up the ladder.

I have decided my grad trip locations (If I graduate) :) And I shall start saving once I am back from Paris! Heehee.

Singapore ----> Taiwan ----> New Zealand ----> Singapore

Perhaps what I have learnt all my life is nothing is easy to achieve and changes can just appear anytime anyhow. When it does happen...the last thing you should is to breakdown and cry...but instead just move on. We can't change the external factors but you can only change how you feel and how you are going to deal with it. Life can be a bitch sometimes but you don't have to be a bitch, bitching about it yet knowing nothing is going to change anyway. That all for Darren's Random Thoughts of the Week. :)

Sometimes I felt...I do have some character of my Dad...and it reassuring I do follow these traits.

After neglecting my blog for a long while...I guess it time to blog again! Hahaha. So far I guess I been in Japan for 2 months plus already! And I miss my room! But then again...my current dorm room have aircon! :D So...Hmm...But still toilet is so far and I cant cook ): Really get sick of Japan food already though. Miss Singapore food...All the Yum Yum food...Geez! What a nation! Multi-racial does seem to be good sometimes...Screw Moral Education...Cause to me...Multi-racial equal to alot alot of food! Sometime even unique food to SGP such as Prata! :D Anyway, I be back to Singapore in 3 weeks plus and I cant wait! I have some good plans I want to proceed! I will miss Japan but going back home isnt that bad too.

I am sensitive to certain words that make the future seem all foggy...and it proven again...I can't stand when future remain unclear and it just give me uncertainty which I hate so much. It just some stuff I cant and dont want to listen to. And today I had a feeling which definitely wouldn't be good for the rest of the term in Japan. Shall go off to chill.

Deep down I know what might happen and nothing is for sure

Cause I do always over-analyse.

Perhaps thinking positive and far will keep me looking forward to something

Instead of focusing on the possibility of something shitty to happen.

I not even sure whether I will live till tomorrow night...So people you have one life, live it. Jump the Macau Tower do whatever...Cause no point fearing death when anything can happen. Including getting bang by a bus accidentally.

the one item that has nearly ruin my last 3 years of my life...will not fall in the same trap again. life was much better without it.

"Maybe I know somewhere

deep in my soul

that love never lasts.

And we've got to find other ways

to make it alone.

Or keep a straight face.

And I've always lived like this

keeping a comfortable distance.

And up until now I've sworn to myself

that I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk....

.........."

-Paramore

Started off my day super positively...head to Town to do my immigration. Everything was fine...I was amassed with the container lifting truck...Done my immigration stuff in less than 10 mins...Headed to Odaiba. Somehow God decided today is the day to test my feelings...Couple taking photos of the rainbow bridge...Happily playing arcade...Couple happily finishing their Fuji TV information sheet stamping of that mascot...Couple at beach together...To end off...While taking the boat...a couple happily enjoy the sunset and the view of the beautiful Tokyo City. When I stand under the pier board back in the City...I just feel so...crappy and lonely...It like I miss the someone so much in my life. It nearly been 4 weeks here in Japan...and as time goes...night alone get crappier and crappier.

Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair. ~William Cowper

The topic of responsibility came to my mind today. I lucky to have people who are respectful around my life and has learn plenty of wisdom from them. One of line is...“拿得起放的下” (Na De Qi Fang De Xia)...Someone told me that about this regarding relationship. If you can date someone, if situation required...you should also be brave to let it go. That the line that constantly revolved around my head. In my short term of internship when I am in Sec 1-2? My mentor always taught me to be responsible for the screw up you have done whether you in work or personal life. It easy to be admit responsibility when it something good but not the other way. If you have done it, you have done it. Don't push the blame to others or find someone to blame on cause things doesn't fix itself this way. You can't change the situation no more but the least decent thing you can do is to admit mistake and find solution and steps to fix it or to remedy it. In one line summary...Dare to do, dare to admit it.

Dr. Miller says we are pessimistic because life seems like a very bad, very screwed-up film. If you ask "What the hell is wrong with the projector?" and go up to the control room, you find it's empty. You are the projectionist, and you should have been up there all the time. ~Colin Wilson

Nice song!

A Night In Kashiwa - To Be Updated...

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” - Walter Anderson

"I've learned that it takes years
to build up trust, and it only takes
mins to destroy it."

Quote of the day. Enjoy. :)

Day 19: Modules Selection Day

I have decided my modules already. Thanks to Professor Shimoda I managed to get what I want. Two transcript. One for school, one for personal use. He so friendly even providing me his cell phone number just case if I have any question.

Have decided to take 9 modules instead of 7 modules. Was tempted to just take 7, given that I will have plenty of rest throughout the week but decided not to. Decided that studying more module will help to keep my mind off from thinking what I shouldnt be thinking. Somehow studying is my best medicine now against anything. Wanted to even study 10 but realise it might be too much for me. Ohwells. Going for classes now. So cheers everyone! :)

Day 18: My First Blog Post from Japan

It take me 18 days to finally blog about how my life in Japan! Hahah. K. Have to admit that I wasn't that use to Japan in the first few days plus without internet so didn't really have a chance to blog or in the mood to blog also. But days are getting better for sure! :) Getting use to the language barrier and hopefully will get to say a bit of Japanese soon. I hate to say it but studying in Japan just make me love studying again. Lots of discussion which I felt it interesting, it nice to able to hear other people opinion about your views so it cool...instead of learning just facts and facts which is boring. Food wise, Japan have good food but too bad it expensive! If not...while it may not be as good as Singapore but it certainly ain't bad! Have make a few friends here and there already so not bad. I also understand why they say Singapore has shitty service in the world cause it true! Haha. In the Japanese service sector, people are real polite and willing to help you and so. Perhaps I am a foreigner here but no one know I am Singaporean until I say so, so this can't the reason alright. Overall, this is a nice country and I love it here. Could be even better if the Dorm is much better but for 4 Months...I guess this is something I can just take it like a man.

With this I would be having 3 lessons tmr! 4.5 hrs! Hahah. Can't decide which last 1-2 modules I want to take yet but have to make a decision tmr. It decision time tmr! Lesson at 8plus am tmr! But it my favourite teacher lesson, so not bad! With this...will be me signing off. Will post pictures in the future! :) Cheers everyone!

Will leave with a quote...

-All changes are more or less tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourselves.

Amelia Barr

someone words keeping going on and on in my mind...sometimes i just think that he just might be right. hahah.

As I stare at my blogger page trying to phrase out what do I want to type...I realize I just can't do it. There no way to express my feelings the right way. It like the feeling of no matter what you type it would be wrong. But perhaps the right way of leaving a life, is to nothing against your conscious and you have no regrets nor guilt to live with you throughout your life.

Being a huge pilot wannabe. This are my four dream plane, I want to fly in the future if possible. But then again...flying these planes mean less time for Family given they are all Long Haul planes...Ohwells. A small short haul plane will do in this case :) Silkair?? Hahah.

there something which i think it so true...human will always often find it hard to forget things a.k.a memories that take a impact in their life. as time goes, it might be slowly hidden down the basement floor of yours brain in some old and dusty bookshelves but it will never be gone.

any somehow...some of my old past memories, recent and past, hurt more than the others...

"God determines who walks into your life. And you decide who you let to walk away, who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

If she is worth it, you won't give her up. And if you give her up, you're not worthy."

I saw this line of words in some Facebook account. I find it somehow meaningful. Especially the first paragraph. It really say so much about fate. I not a Christian or sort, so for my context God would be God...I guess you people will know I mean. So it like he decide each other ppl who walks into your life. That the first part of fate. Fate will bring in the person you meet and then the rest is up to you. You are the captain of the ship, master of your soul. You decided whether you want that person...and if you are together, you have to decide whether to let her go or stay. Don't blame everything on fate...at the end of the day it your decision and your determination that really counts. So honestly, while it true that fate does play a part in your love life...but it not exactly the one that is controlling it, the real person that control it is you yourself. So make the right decision and never blame anyone or anything else. For this is your life, you live with your decision. For the second paragraph, I think it rather easy for anyone to understand it. If you think ur bf/gf is worth it, you won't give her up. If you do...you are probably not worthy for the person. Lastly, I will end with this phrase...It use destiny instead fate but I guess you guys can probably understand the meaning of it. So...here it goes...

Destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love.

Had Chinese for dinner today. It was awesome. Have the homely taste again :) Haha. Hope days would be better as time goes by. Though of this quote while stoning my room.

"It isn't hard to forgive but it sure tough like hell to forget" - Darren 2010

Haha. Can't wait for sch to start!

I suddenly got a very weird feeling of feeling alone...hmmm...geezzzs...hope it will go away soon.

Japan...Hmm...Still coping with it...

Few months ago, leaving Singapore was my dream and I can't wait to. But 8 days before I am due to leave, it kind of "can't let go" feeling. Especially with one baggage I can never let go, that baggage that I will miss so much when I board my plane to Tokyo next week. I will try to enjoy my last 8 days or 7 days in 30 mins left in Singapore...and I treasured the time spend.

"Tears are words the heart can't express"

But I am happy today! :D

Anything worth having is worth risking for.

I have a feeling...Which is being match by my dream now. All I know is I shall be happy for my last 20 days in Singapore. Many people often only express their love for people they love just before they die but let me tell you...you never know when it your turn to leave the world or worst the turn of that someone. Do what you always want to, say what you always want to and live life without regrets.

wake up at 7plus as usual...but went back to sleep till 11plus 12plus...no idea too. went to have some lunch which i just anyhow pick the dish. went to the embassy of Japan to get my Visa...head to Harbourfront Starbucks to go my stopover report. Has been a shitty day so far...my contact lens is giving me a blur vision -.- and it causing me to have a shitty headache...which making me tired...to add up I still have a stopover report to finish...WOW. Can't wait to sleeeppp...

29 More Days...

Now...this is my 29 more days...When I did my Visa Application Form just now...Things get slightly emotional I guess. When the numbers of day...start with number 2...it just means you be off soon. You tend not to get that piss nor angry nor disappointed over small stuff as it would be like, what the point...I left 29 days might as well use it to the fullest joy of it. When I leave on Sept 10 to embark on my new journey, I never thought I would say it...I will leave with a heavy heart. As no matter how much I hate Singapore nor think it boring...the memories here are just simply priceless. The trip to Malaysia with Ann Perng, the drinking session with BigT, Lepak around Playground with my Clique 4...Sathia, Vat...Hmm...Yeh.

But never a less, I am looking forward to my new journey in Japan :) While will always be missing my Family, Friends, Food and Hotdog...

29 more days...(it may seem long...but trust me...it isn't...been in such situation before...)

30 More Days...

Currently i am Jurong Point Starbucks, just using my lappy and doing my work. But I am so tired so I shall take a break now. In the afternoon just received my Certificate of Eligibility and Certificate of Acceptance from my Japan University, Reitaku. Which means I only have a short 29 days in Singapore left. Gosh! That fast. I still have a lot of thing to not yet to be done. My insurance, my Visa, my winter clothes, my stuff...Idk! Haha. I still have not spend times with my close friends too yet...Have not eaten my favourite Singapore food...Haven spend enough time with Hot Dog yet...Hmm...Haven spend time with my family? Haven...eat enough yet before my torture in Tokyo start? Haha. Nvmd! Idk! A lot of stuff yet to do I guess. Shall start with my Visa tmr.

29 More Days...

My mistake. Here left 30 more days...

on my 500th blog post...i would like to tell every of my blog reader this...keep this in mind always. very impt!

"The mistake that most people make is that they only start to treasure things when it is already gone."

Have a good long weekend :)

:D

i left 4 weeks plus in Singapore...it seem so close now. I am leaving soon. time goes so fast till...yeah. tsk...

*edited*

too depressing...shall strike it off...

One more quote from me myself!! :)
It easy to find people to share your joy with but never to find someone to share sorrow.

Invictus

This short Victorian poem...really caught my eye...Titled Invictus.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.” - Richard Bach

It tough ending a relationship...way more tougher when you end it not because you don't love that person no more but because you do. It not because I don't miss you cause I missing you already. But I have to do what I have to do. It a tougher than I think it would be.

*Edited*
Too depressing too...But that quote is nice. So shall keep it! :)

~ We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. ~ Walter Anderson

This phrase always goes around...It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. While I don't deny that it true...in fact it true. However sometime it just better to forgive and trust again. Like the quote says, we never get vulnerable than when we trust someone. However...if you can't...we neither can find love or joy. To me if someone is worth having, it worth risking. Some stuff in life is just worth risking more. It a new chapter now for I hope, my trust isn't wrong.

So I realise...if there isn't any financial motivation, status motivation etc...people almost don't really care about the rewards when they do something but rather the importance of them doing something. Take for example...if you currently have a job...but your boss don't treat you with much importance. But then one company offer you a lower pay but give you a higher importance job you usually will take that provided you have no financial burden. That how human beings works sometime...unless motivated by some other things...importance is rather one of the key decision factor in our decision making process.

-Another Random Thoughts Moment from the Always Random Darren

Theresa inspire me something. In the afternoon, while talking nonsense or (bitching)...I deny I was bitching...she replied me with "A bitch know when someone is bitching"...Which give me another conclusion...That sentence is so right..I came out with his line too. "Never lie to a lier, cause a lier know when someone is lying...". Ohwells. Haha.

It hurts...

I came out with a quote in the toilet just now...Haha.

"Trust is like a mirror, stronger and tough. But when it broken, it will never be the same again" - Darren Ng 2010

I am 3/4 done with my analyst report. i think it close to what i want it to be but still...i not sure whether i should do a technical analyst of Tiger Airways. It will take up quite a bit of space and I not really sure I know how to explain, given I believe that it more of a long term stock which is much more useful using fundamental analysis especially since Tiger Airways just listed this year. Ohwells. Will continue at home. Shall sign out here and head home. Here a peak preview...some parts I just can't make the way I want it to be. So frustrating!!! Just continue after a shower and my dinner.

I just wasted 10 mins staring out to the wide window infront of me. Staring at the crowds...trend...there many couples out there so sweet, some young, some old. Still also feel lone people walking...Yeah. Just wasted another 1 min to blog...I got so sick of my report...Haix...Ohwells. And oh no!!! No more hot chocolate. Feeling mood swing again. Left me and my iPod...against my report.

Blogging from GWC Starbucks! Muffin and Venti Hot Chocolate (or now Cold already) while doing my analyst report. During my normal days I guess I have a habit to just hide my emotions and feelings anyway. To me what the point of sharing your feelings when it not going to help much the situation either. Yeah. I am bored from doing my stupid analyst report. But doing fine I guess. Should be done by the time I leave GWC Starbucks. Back to work.

This line came to my head last night.

"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fuckers reflection." - Lady Gaga & Beyonce

Another nice picture I found on Tumblr.

Spot this if you can! 13/7/10. ♥

his quote which i found in tumblr...seem so true.

"When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on—series polygamy—until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."

thanks to the advertisement in my blog...i able to know the country of origin of my traffic. so on normal days it just Singapore, Singapore, Singapore and more Singapore...once or twice, Australia, UK or US...but today when I was checking my earnings, I saw a new origin....Saudi Arabia! Someone from Saudi just visited my blog! Hahaha. Ohwells!

Anyway, while surfing websites today, I somehow visited Singapore Flyer website and I realise it so pretty, with the Marina Bay Sand built, it must be prettier. My target to seat the Singapore Flyer before i leave for Japan...so anyone want to go with me? Anyone!!!

And I bet on Spain to win for tonight World Cup Final...so they better win! Haha. Going to be a long tired day tomorrow! That all folks...

Food for Thoughts: I learn that while playing shares, use your head instead of your mind (emotion)...I wonder if we applied that to our life...hmm...

while waiting for my bus just now. i decided to count the number of days i have left in Singapore if nothing goes wrong. while calculating with my ipod calender...at first i though it was 8 weeks...for a moment, i seriously went...wtf, that fast...started to panic a little. so i recount it...and it out to be just 9week plus...it still not much difference and probably in the past i won't give a damn but now...1 week means alot to me...yeah.

spot this hidden message? tell me when you do...cause...i...

if we just try and don't think about the consequences, i bet our life will be so much better that one that think so much and regretted not trying. - Darren

life is simple, we make choices and don't look back - 2 fast 2 furious

Ily, J. Do you?

a night post before sleeping....

it better to have 'someone' who truely care for you through small little action than someone who say but never live up to their words...

Sha ren you sha fu. haha. their life without worries and complicated thoughts...how cool is that. can't wait for thurs night...it has been awhile. Haha. Today FSRC not bad I guess...bonding is fine of fun. 7-8 more weeks!! :) If the "someone" do visit my blog, not sure though...here something for you. BLEAH! ♥

on another random note, sperry shoes are so pretty! but i am broke. :(

Random Shot Day...

Today is random shot day. So here two random shot for today! To everyone: I promise I will update soon. So...

my pillow will be wet tonight...

I realise I still have a Zuji $25 hotel voucher. Hmm...time to travel? But I am broke. :( Damn! Money come come! Haha. Anyway FSRC is so boring...Nothing to do everyday...Tsk. Ohwells. But today will be a happy day. I am thinking Positive. Oh! And tonight :). Haha. Leaving house soon! So yeah!! Haha.

truth.

"no one will ever know how do i feel"

it has been awhile i blog...and perhaps i shall do it tonight. let just see. haha. anyway, i have decided to use tumblr too and it seem cool. so short lines and motivation pictures in tumblr...while my long post and long thoughs and crap...will still remain here. so cheers!

http://darrenology.tumblr.com/

today will be the last night of my days in BSC. it feel kind of relief-ing while at the same time, the unwillingness to leave that soon. while the work loads has been stressful and for the whole june even more stressful and crappy...but still the days I have with my team has been fun and the days I have in BSC is kind of yeah. Neveraless, life move on and another chapter of my poly life goes on...Okay that the end of my short break, will return to work on my final report and my handover documents. Good luck to the next batch of team 3! :) Cheers!

...

darren ng...i sometime dont even understand u...

Lanes Company -
If you don’t make things happen, things will happen to you.

Recently due to time constraint i never really had the time to blog. this week i doubt so too...perhaps the weekend! but i just end this post with this two pictures...

i dont understand myself...

i dont understand myself...this is the first time i decided this path...basically i break alot of the law in "darren's rule of life" and i have no regrets. results are overrated.

*Caution: The following post may have crude language and not suitable for kids below 18...

as i am having my break now...i have a urge to blog about my thoughts which i have while walking to the school. while i was on my way to school in the morning, i fall asleep from Jurong all the way to Yishun, when I woke up there was a lady with a bigger stomach than usual right infront of me so i was thinking is she pregnant or simply bigger in size. I can't decide whether to give my seat to her or not...so i was thinking...while on the way to yck station, i realise her hand was thin...so she was be pregnant right? nvm! i am lousy in telling the different between a bigger in size lady and a pregnant lady.which led me to another though...which heartless husband would allow his pregnant wife to take a train that is so freaking crowded? i have nothing to say if the husband doesn't have a car...but seriously if the lady's husband have a car...for god sake pls ditch him. why? if you don't realise he have just ditch you after having his "fun" and getting you to give bath to his "prize". taking the train in peak-hour is the worst transport for any human let alone a pregnant lady. let the guy drive you to work and pick you up...if he doesn't...dont be surprise you will be the one picking up the kids and clean his/her shit in the future.

this is just another random thoughts from me myself and I...as usual the following content is unedited untouched and unwhatever...grammer error, sentence structure error etc might occur and may or may not determine the English standard of the author.

i realise certain people has been using words from my blog to post as status in Facebook! you know who you are!! Hahahaha. But at least next time copy don't copy my grammer mistake also luh! My blog is unedited, uncensored thoughts from my brain. i don't read back to check so...prepare for plently of grammer mistake, spelling mistake, sentence structure...whatever! haha. it my blog! as long as i happy i am happy! yeah! anyway today i will blog about randomness...life is about randomness...we can never predict what will happen, who will appear etc. But neveraless...you still can control what you do and that what it counts. We often lie to ourself...if it's meant to be, it's meant to be...but truth is...by not doing anything you are letting go your own destiny. for destiny isn't fate, destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love. :)

this post is inspire by the movie "The Sassy Girl" and some quote is from there too...That all!! :)

While having lunch today at home watching Nat Geo. they were broadcasting the first episode of the "The Best Job in the World"...it basically Queensland Australia hiring someone to explorer the islands of the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland. Salary? AUD$150,000 for six month and a heaven accommodation in Hamilton Island. If only that is me man! Haha. Great Barrier Reef seem so pretty, the clear water, the vast sea. WOW! And apparently the guy selected for the job named Ben has his girlfriend along with him for the whole six months there! Gosh! It like wow! You have the best job and you have your girlfriend with you in an accommodation so pretty with a direct view in the vast sea of Hamilton Island what can ask more? I am jealous! And hopefully I can visit there one day! :)

today i left early from school to head to the clinic to get my medical checkup done. but i realise i forget to something some docs and have to go back home to grab it instead. it turn outs i did not managed to meet the last registration time at 4.30pm. so...it a trip wasted! i went to a A&E in SGH today. this is my first time there and it just seem chaos there. people who are very sick looking, bed ridden...it just make me feel so healthy and i am grateful for that. it remain me once again, health beat everything else. This also remind me that life is short and we should always enjoy every single seconds of it with meaning and purpose. If you are going to live your life full of "what if"...you are not living in the fullest.

"I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally" - Zelda Fitzgerald

today i will blog about something i post before. opportunity cost. if we use opportunity cost to apply in our real life world it mean the stuff we have to give up in order to pursue a certain action. so some days you are force to think...whether what u have give up is worth it to purse a certain action that may or may not happen to you. which link me to this quote..."the most difficult part of a decision is deciding what to let go"... i certainly face such situation in the past and now, most likely in the future too. to be honest sometimes i don't know even know why i am willing to give up everything just to purse a certain action that may not even happen. giving up is not in my blood and i am someone that never like to lose. however while having a strong determination is good but sometime if there isn't a glim of light, there isn't a glim of light...why do you still hold on? some would call it "strong-willed" while we can also called it in a simple and less complicated terms...simply dumb and moronic.

I dont have much place to rant my feelings but I can always count on my blog to give me some privacy as not many ppl visit this blog .

Yesterday has been a unlucky day for me...things went bad for me and went worst at night. for the whole night i barely sleep at all...but when i wake up...on the taxi ride to school i realise i can't convince myself to give up yet. i can't...i shall continue on knowing i have no control over what will happen in the future...for all i give in, i don't expect any returns. why? cause i am willing to.

In business term, that a lousy investment, in human term, u are crazy...but crazy is what i believe in...for everything that i have done which people say it crazy...i never once regretted it and in most case i enjoyed what i did. Crazy is what i enjoy doing and it give me a meaning in life. :)

"true love is about giving all but expect none in return..."

i did what i have to do and i feel much better now i guess. there are saying goes (there isn't...is just my philosophy), life is so much better without regrets...it change my perspective of things...In the past, you often will say that you will never ever in your life do this or that...but the truth remains...once it happen to you...the variable is change...and yours once "I will ever do this or that" will cease to exist.

In the other news...Thailand is on the edge of starting a civil war. Can't there be peace? For god sake...thai vs thai...isn't it dumb to fight against your own people? Diplomacy is still the way to go Thai. The last thing u want is a huge pool of blood of your own people and a new national holiday named "Black -filled in the day it happened-" Instead of spending time to kill each other...spend time to build a stronger nation instead and you don't need a genius to tell you that.

true love...

true love is not about being together but instead it about assuring the other half will be happy in her life.

it the right thing to do...

the title explain itself..

today when i was on the train i realise i gain enlightenment of a certain value. people always mention "good/nice people never win"...while it true that good/nice people do not win and do lose out sometimes however life is never about winning, it more about to have a life that has meaning and value to it. we can win all the time, but if degrade you as a person what the point...it better to to live a life that mean something to you and a life that don't against your principal than someone who simply wins and doesn't find any meaning to it.


(my rough idea is there...but i am too tired to think of the right words...so some part of the sentence might seem unclear)

sometime i wonder if Sathia is right and i am wrong. his view sound wrong but mine in reality isn't right. sometime i wonder if i use my heart to think too much, i totally ignore my brain. maybe it time to use common sense to solve problems than just depending on "gan xue"...cause it seem my feelings are bad decision makers.

anyway, hope to also receive this small freelance project. my first small step to setup a company. :)

Serious I don't understand why the government is trying to cut down the number of long distance bus services. it trying to encourage us to take the train when during the peak hour is pack like shit. there isn't even any more space! our mrt service capacity is near to the max yet unable to solve the problem of overcrowding and suddenly we feel there is need to cut all the long distance bus services to add stress to the already overcrowding mrt services. yes, the concept of encouraging riders to take the train is right, by having lesser long distance bus services will result in a lower amount of bus on the road in crowded road area such as Orchard and less jam, better bus services for the consumer but sadly our mrt services isn't up to the task due to the lack of capacity to take in all the numbers of riders that take bus home from their work. Therefore buses are still required to even the load and also give riders a choice of transport to get back home. Get our ministers to take the public transport instead of their mercs during peak hour to their work place and only than we can see some real improvement to our public transport services cause there are still alot of ways to improve.

on the other note...maybe this time Sathia is right...

my travelling senses are on again...i feel like travelling to Ha Noi, Vietnam!

TEP is making me tired...5 days a week. 9-5.30. It killing me! And I have 3 report due. 10 pages each. GOSH! I never hate report that much. Feel so tired after school everyday but at least have someone to entertain me. Will need to start my report soon...if not I will never get it done so yeah. Ohwell...just can't wait for my full shift to end. 7 more weeks to go...

i date for my final interview is confirm! this time is with the director of sbm and principal for nyp. it next wed and my destination have been change to Japan (for now)! Sadly Germany is no long possible to go...i really want to go Germany...haix...but oh well...Japan suit me too! Personally I feel Japan will be fun! but Germany have the whole europe to travel to! and I can fulfill my dream! To visit Liverpool city! But anyway! Good luck to me and hope I can past it without problems! :)

seriously i think i am lucky bastard. so far every school i been to has been a school that I don't really want to go to. i never wanted to go to Jurong Secondary School when I am pri 6 but as usual I didn't have a choice. but 4 years later if you ask me i regretted it, hell no! it my best 4 years ever. meeting mr lam, sathia, rachel, eileen, wenkang and more and more and more until i lazy to type them out...blah blah blah...etc...etc....won quite abit of awards and working with MDA, NUS etc...has been WOW! it been a blessing in disguise. if I entered the school i really want will have such a chance at all? After my O's...in order to study business...I have once again no choice but to enter to NYP. but it seem deja vu...I am quite unhappy at first given the distance but it turn out to be quite fine. i been given a shot for the interview to study oversea for a few months and my study results isn't that bad...so yeah. I realise I need a gpa of around 3.7 to study NUS. I will try to aim for it! NUS Business School is my goal! :D I hope things will turn out fine for me and I am pleased with how life is now. :)

i just make the most difficult decision in my life. it was one the toughest i ever make in my life so far but i feel i just have to do what i have to do. a short pain is better in a long term.

"the most difficult thing about making a decision is not about selecting the right one but what to forgo..."

i have finish my osep interview today! personally i feel it okay but not my best. but still. haha. hope for the best! after nagging (like aunty) how boring tep is. turn out..i have work to do...and alot! i have now have a task, a report plus a presentation to be done by next friday! this is madness!!! but still, it just 40 more days (minus public holiday and weekends) or 37 more days (3 days of leave) or 33 days (if you add in 4 days of mc as suggested by zhen bang)...once the full shift is over i guess thing will be slightly better. for now...i will sleep early and sleep early. looking forward to the interview osep result! hope the whole group can make it! cheers people!

idk...

i feel so...nevermind. all i have to say is even the strongest cactus still need to be shower with water to keep it alive. i recently got engross with this phrase..."the most difficult thing about making a decision is not about selecting the right one but what to forgo"...

today i seriously have nothing to blog about. today is my mediating day. so yeah! oh oh...mclaren win the grandprix...that sucks...alonso haix...have a good race but jump start penalty screw his race. anyway, next week is quite interesting...got activities last till Saturday at least...will start my research tmr for my interview on fri and tmr i will finally know what i will be doing in the next 9 weeks. that all! will update tmr! goodnight world! :)

school starting on Monday. boring! yawn! this going to be a boring 9 week of TEP. part of me is still excited to know what i will be doing on Monday but part of me just bored of school. maybe just due to the mrt ride. haha. anyway, all i know my supervisor is an angmoh and doing some market research or sort. that all i know! have to report sch 9am...boring...morning traffic is the worst of all but at least the mrt come often! :D the end of holiday mean the start of the school! to a point actually i can say i am sick of holiday...hmm...not a bad way to start school i guess! plus the interview on Friday! I want to know my fate soon! Shall watch Air Crash investigation before I sleep! Nights everyone! Enjoy your week! :)

AND SHIT I HAVEN GET A BACKPACK YET! CAN'T DECIDE!

went back to school today for a briefing about the OSEP. i am very excited about the study trip. the confirm length of the trip would be 5 months! so long! will miss Singapore for sure. anyway, the interview is next friday and i seriously hope i can make it! Mosbach is such a nice place. haha. anyway, good luck to my group and hope everyone will make it.

14th April...

Today was suppose to be...nvm...i guess it not impt anymore. Today have my last day with the pri 2...kind of miss them. Some of the pri 2 were the same pri 1 last year when i was involve for the same time...enjoy my time with them even sometime they are just plain irritating but they have a kind heart and has no other motive behind them...the 1.5 i hv every week give me a break from the complicated world out there. when i stand at the door to send them off...i say goodbye to them with a heavy heart. hope will have a chance to see them in the future. with this i will sign off. goodnight.

my internet is down. something went wrong with my internet and my house internet isn't working no more. called Starhub and from the front-end side it not possible to detect my modem so they have pass down to the back-end side to check my house cable network. luckily i have a M1 mobile broadband with me so i am not cut off from the world. hope the net will come back soon if not have to rot with this slow internet. and going Perth this Sept doesn't seem possible anymore...AirAsia have a promo tonight but disappointingly I only managed to find the cheap fare one day in the whole month and it don't even suit me. maybe it just not fated for me to go Perth. anyway, going to sleep, have to go back to school tmr. Goodnight World...

the last week of holiday..

this is the last week of my holiday. quite a busy week for a holiday i guess. currently heading to mustafa center to walk walk, i never been there to be honest. Tmr i will been having a discussion with a group of German student (Student frm the school i been assign to) in sch to gather infomation for the interview. Wed and thurs will been having my last lesson as a assistant trainer. Thurs night have another discussion session. This left me with 3 days to slack before school start...yawn
..

i only have 4 words for this update...things has gone stale...idk what else to type to be honest.

on the side note i tempted to buy a reliable $50ish case for my phone. hmm...still considering....

(edited)
i saw my past blog post accidentally...and sadly this is so true...

"It’s the little things that make a relationship great.
The little things are the most intimate,
most important part of a relationship."

Goodnight World...Peace out...

to be honest the german trip which i was once very excited about and dying for. i might actually give it up if my financial position don't allow it for. i realise that this trip while it will be hell of a life time experience neveraless, the reason i want it so badly i am just wanting a place to run away from my daily life and to do so and cause a huge strain on my parent financial status just doesn't make any sense. thinking ahead for others other than myself is something i trying to learn, cause any actions you make don't just affect you, it affect everyone else even stranger you might not even know. of course i still go for the briefing and interview etc...i won't give up halfway, at least like Rachel told me "at least if pass you can reject". And of course, if I fail to go Europe this time, my grad trip in Europe (or America or Africa or Middle East) is still damn on! :)

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will live if you are looking for meaning of life - Albert Camus

i realise i have a very good six sense or or i very good analytical skills. i am that good i am scared. lol. history repeat all over again? and seriously nowadays i have no movies to watch. all the movies i want to watch i have watched. tv shows nothing. all done watching and waiting for new episode. i shall listen to some music and sleep soon. shall go out tmr. also realise i have a few blogs under my account and have close them down! also thinking of getting ngdarren.com as my personal blog domain. :D maybe i am not that important after all. Eastpak, Jansport or Manhattan Portage? Can't decide!

i was watching a nat geo documentary on the end of the world in 2012 due to the end of Maya calender. quite interesting. while there isn't sufficient evidence that it maybe true but what if the the Maya are true. What if? The Maya are the only one that has the exact date of the end of the world, 21st Dec 2012. Even if they are not, the way we are living our earth will probably kill the earth one day. To say that Global Warming isn't partially cause by us humans is seriously ridiculous and to think that governments around the world don't give a damn because they decided to put money ahead of the earth might be the biggest mistake our human civilization ever make. On the side note, seriously the girls and guys on Paris Hilton Bff is seriously bring bimbotic to the next level. Cheers all and I am tempted to walk to JP just for fun...

Today Liverpool drew and that is shit. 4th place is gone. Europa League next season I guess. Have read my old post of my blog. All those memories. Haha. Anyway have did a recap of Saturday and now going to sleep. Goodnight world!! Can't wait for the start of this week. Anxiously waiting for the email!

Went to celebrate David Birthday on Saturday! First stop, went to Illuma Bugis to watch How To Train Your Dragon. The movie is so nice! Love it! While on the way down Illuma, there is a exhibition, there is Iron Man, Alien and Predator and Darth Vader! :D I like Stromtrooper better but Darth Vader will do as fine! Took photo with it! (I posted the only one I have taken with Rachel, Solo with Junko). So damn cool the Darth Vader! I am so going to buy one life size figure of Stromtrooper when I have my own house! Muahahaha. Went to Minds Cafe to have dinner and play some game! Have a wonderful day and went home to sleep!!


LOOK AT DARTH VADER!!! SO COOL!

I WANT THIS! LIFE SIZE!!!

i am so tempted to shift blog but this account i have feeling to it, it my first blog and it lasted for 5 years! holy crap! whose blog can last for 5 years without changing it name! wu-gui.blogspot.com! haha. first this blog since sec 1 when people start calling me wu-gui no idea too but haha. i might blog again the trip today! so cool got to see darth vader and watch how to train your dragon. meanwhile will drop a quote for this post. post this before but suddenly just remember it. haha.

If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.

call me sensitive but i feel that we are like slowly getting distanced from each other.

a thought..

think of yourself to be in this scenario. you have an animal for example a dog. he was suppose to be your companion for life. your dog love u and is loyal to you. but however you realise he will be so much more happier with someone else and you realise u cant do so. will you let me go? life is filled with tough decision and there is never a right answer.

maybe i should move to wordpress...

blogger has no mobile app to blog. this is bad given tht i have more time to blog on the go than actually at home. hmm...maybe i should move to workpress. they have a app for my phone!

after thinking the whole night...i am quite desperate to go for this trip if i am selected of course. if i am not i will seriously laugh my ass out for wasting my time to stress over this. i will try to go within my might and quite excited and hopefully that i will be accepted, will pray very hard. as to be honest, this could be my only chance to study oversea. university wise, seriously after a dream of me studying in National University of Singapore...after waking up, i am so motivated to study there. idk why also. neveraless, will stop thinking about it. will work harder and hope to get a positive news after my interview next month. will now try harder to find a job to earn some money too, even if turn out get rejected also never mind, at least got money! haha. opps. :D

seriously, i think fate is playing a cruel joke on me. lol. 8990.

anyway! i am so excited recently. i got a phone call from my school. I been selected for interview for the OSEP (Oversea Exchange Studies). at first i been assigned to Chungnam University, Korea however this morning i receive another call, i been given to the wrong information, i been actually assign to a university in Germany. But it expensive to study in Europe even for few months...so don't know got money to go or not...haha. don't care first. pass my interview first than think about it. if can, I really really really really want to go.

*edited*
i realise the whole trip might need me at least SGD$5000...this is shit...so bloody expensive...

it okay to be wrong but it not when you think you are always right and never admit you wrong.

to be honest i realize my life has no meaning and nothing to live for, i found no purpose, basically having no idea why i am living for. i want to work in the airline industry but distance to goal is calculated in zillion. i am study in a course that i don't even like and I SWEAR I WILL NEVER WORK IN THE FINANCIAL INDUSTRY if i don't like my job. use of strong words, yes. too early to say, perhaps. but after my reflection trip in Bali, money is overrated. yes it important to buy my stuff and fund my holiday but it will never bring happiness and joy to your life. money is a item a thing...what people realise is or what i realise is, at least for me, i might not be happy off being rich, i always ask myself this few questions, if i am rich, when i go holiday will i be truly happy? what make my trip worthwhile is the money i have save up and the money i spend is all my hard-saved money. if i am rich, i won't enjoy eating in a classy restaurant in Bali, it will just be another daily affair. if i am rich, i won't be excited changing to a new phone cause i probably will be changing it often. and more and more and more...one thing i realise in my Bali trip, the people who are living in a poorer life seem more happy than us. at the end of the day, u can have all the money in the world but doing things that u dread it is worth it? if so than u have my blessing. but one thing for sure, i have spend 18 years doing things i dread, it time to do what i truly love and build a real meaning and purpose in my life. for now i don't have any and i am still searching for my purpose and meaning in life, it might take awhile but it all worth it. as all i want is to live my life without "what if".

if you feel that you have nothing to live for, do anything

the only time you feel you are alive, is when you risk it

something been bothering me...history.

today i only have one line for all for you. rmb by heart.

what goes around, comes around..

cheers!! i have a plan now. my goal is to travel europe after I graduate from poly. my graduation trip! save save save! emirates! ba! air france! sq??...

The only thing we should scare of, is when all we have to ask ourself is questions but with no answers. - Darren 2010

On the side note, I want to fly Qantas. Their uniform so classy.

I am Jealous! Haha.

i just happen to think about this when i went to KLIA to have dinner. there are two flight leaving around the same time. One Jetstar at 6.25pm One SQ 6.50pm...I don't understand why is still there so many people flying Singapore Airlines (SQ) even though the time is around the same. And furthermore in a 45mins trip...the only different is the legs space and a cup of drink? There isn't any food serve SIN-KL-SIN trip...so where pay the different? Nv figure out. Than again both groups of passenger are different...Jetstar are more leisure while SQ are businessy and rich family?...Maybe they are just rich enough to travel in SQ while I am not...(actually i can...but...i decided not to waste that money... :X)....nah...forget it...i am just jealous...haha. how i wish i can fly SQ too...it SQ! lol. i will be leaving for Singapore tmr on Jetstar...how sad...haix...oh oh oh and I am proud to have SQ as my national airline...

short writeup so far of my bali trip...

NO PICTURE...cause forget to bring my camera out...this is dumb...i forget to bring my contact lens solution and my face wash also...haix...

Day 1:

I wake up super super early...wait...actually i also never sleep...quite nervous...yet excited as this is my first time going a solo holiday trip...and it BALI! so i wake up...bath...have instant noodle for breakfast and went to the airport by BUS and MRT. People look at me as if I am terrorist...what wrong with a boy holding a huge bag going to the airport...so reach airport...as i already check in online, i went to bag drop counter and drop my bag! So I wait wait wait...until my plane arrive from KL. So fly...reach KL, shit! On time arrival! It just so weird...when I want my plane to reach late, it always on time. So mean a 5 hour stopover at KL airport. So took a bus that is damn old...as old as my grandpa i think, frm LCCT terminal to the main terminal. Cost me RM2.50...At the Malaysia KLIA airport. Most of planes there are Malaysian Airlines plane...and those who take Singapore airport for granted! Better think again...So check in...have to thanks the check in lady alot even though she have a long face (will tell you later)...Wait at Starbucks with laptop and stone for 5 hours...(of course got shop alittle)...Board my plane! a B737-800, a plane I dying to take (i am sorry to be such a plane freak but still...) went to my seat! Door close! Wooopeee...my row no passenger at all. so for the next 3 hr....i enjoyed it...food was shit...but with unlimited supply of drink, good service, a pretty plane and lots of room, this was close to heaven (I am not that difficult to pleased)...when i arrived, decided not to ask for permission to visit the cockpit...as I shall visit it as a PILOT of that plane instead! wahahaha...secondary reason...i am tired...lol. went out, a driver waiting for me...went to the hotel room...gosh the room is small like hell...but...after turning on the aircon...the bed is so comfy...managed to sleep till the next morning like dead pig...oh i have A&W for dinner! :D

Day 2:
I wake up 10am already! Gosh...i sleep for 10hrs at least? So wake up...decided to skip breakfast! Save money!!...Today plan...take a bus to Ubud! This shuttle was recommended by a American and he is not wrong at all. There is no one other than me for the 12pm shuttle...so...a private bus alone for me...at the price of 35,000rps...the bus driver is real nice, talk to him and he treat me pisang goreng. first time eat...nice! when to Ubud...walk around! Alot of Japanese! :P Rather uneventful...Got a massage...too stress... :P And ate suckling pig. not bad! and the weird part happen...i ordered a beer...lol...i order already i was wondering why i wanted that for...but still i drink it down. the weather is hot anw. the same bus and driver took me back to Kuta. Went to get some stuff for my sister. the restaurant i wanted to go is full so decided to go to starbucks and slack first...and use my laptop....sooo...that it! will update more soon when i have a internet...chheeersss...it so relax here! wahahahahaha....

my exam is over. i always think my Bali trip was book without much though and too rush. but now i feel it the right time to leave my current life and go there just with the mind to relax for the few days. with my laptop dead, there is a chance i will not have internet there...a hint that it time for me to kill all contacts with my current world and live a Balinese life. it time.

why you are better off downloading?

recently i am so nice i decided to buy adobe web premium for my own use. BUY! spend $$$. LEGAL! But the fark thing happen and my cd become spolit or something...and I need a replacement disc...It cost USD$20 + shipping cost. Which mean a addition of $30-40USD? Supporting legal is so expensive...therefore no wonder so many people are downloading illegal...It not just the license that is expensive, you have to factor in the after-support cost too.

my dream as a pilot

after last night and today, i realize my true dream could be really be a pilot. i was always aware when i always declare a new dream or so...because often it wasn't the one i wanted to be. (*ahem banker)...but after last night a trip report by a Swiss Pilot, I realise piloting is the part I really want. To add on, today I was so into the story of US Airways Ex-Pilot C.B. "Sully" Sullenberger who managed to ditch the plane in Hudson river and miraculously everyone survive. He is right, the achievement of fetching 150 people to their destination is just feel out of the world. But there is a difference between I want and I can. Well, in my current situation I am far away from it but I am not going to give up. I can blame anyone, I can blame my parents for not giving birth to me at some country where it cheap to fly, I can be jealous of people who are rich enough to learn flying. But what the point of doing so. Facts are facts. You are not going to change the situation, blame all you want, jealous all you can, what u get at the end of it is still nothing. The only thing that can change is your action. Only your action to work what you want can get you what you want. Even if you fail, so what. At least you fail with a fight and not fail by being jealous of others and grunting how shit your situation or life is. For me, being Pilot is all I want to achieve and that my lifetime dream. If it don't happen, so be it, life isn't always like what you planned.

what i have learn today is simple. what seem nice on the outside can be actually be shit in the inside. nuff said. :D

as i am deep in thoughts, i realize if i am given one wish. i would have wish to left this country and start afresh. living close to 18 years. i am living a life that i find that has no meaning. i am doing things that i once told myself i never will do. i am a hypocrite that i promise myself who i will be when i am younger. i did the opposite. i failed myself...

recently i been facing a bit more pressure then usual, with my sch projects, my works that i have to do and more. which result in more insomnia than usual. but as work load reduce, there is still one thing i am unable to ask myself to make a definite decision. there are there pros in whatever i choose but the cons probably overwrite it. so i am facing a lose-lose situation and hoping it will be solve on it own but the truth is..i am just avoiding it and just waiting one day something will happen and i don't need to make a choice at all. so just chose it and move on? yeah it not that simple when it will change your life significantly either for the better or worst. idk. will not know till it happen. anyway, shall go back writing my report.

PDA = Public Display Affection

Or

PDA = Pretty Damn Angry

Things isn't as simple as the past now. I am so unsure of myself nowadays until my confident past. On the side note, I just book a one way trip to Penang for $0.99 cents. Wooopeee...Another trip to KL? Still considering...