Love is all around and about

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la...

Tis the season to be giving, fa la la la la la la la la...

Tis the season to be loving, fa la la la la la la la la...

Love is all around.
Love is all around, around.
Love is all around, around, around!!!

Love is all about:

• Love
• Respect
• Care & concern
• Stability
• Communication
• Understanding
• Passion

Love.

New Year Resolutions

It’s nearing Christmas time and then Hari Raya and after that it would soon be Chinese New Year and then I am going on a BKK shopping spree. So nothing gets me down too much nowadays. I am just holding on till Christmas and with all the holidays, time will pass very fast!! Which also means, I can plan for the new year ahead. Actually I am already planning ahead, many New Year resolutions are already forming in my head!

Feel my exuberance. Feel my enthusiasm. Feel my joyfulness!

So what have I thought of for year 2006?

I should be getting baptized.
I should be saving more money (for a rainy day or when the church bells ring)
I should be eating more healthy food and less oily/ carbohydrates (but I love creamy pastas!)
I should start exercising. (Erm, provided I can wake up at 6am)
I wanna play more!! Drink more! (Eski Bar, 1for1 drinks, Club Street, here I come…)

I wanna take up some IT web design courses like Flash & Dreamweaver.
I wanna polish up my guitar skills and rhythm.

I hope to change jobs and do marketing communications.
I hope I do not have to move house. I love my home now.
That’s 2 major events in a year = stress!!

I might take up a "socializing"/ networking course.
I might have to move house/ downgrade. Whatever.
Maybe I should "play the field". Maybe not.

Retail service in Singapore sucks

Service in Singapore is really terrible among retailers and supermarkets. It's a different ball game for those in technology products or business services though.

With regards to that, I wish to say that it's an irony to implement the "GST" campaign in Singapore as I was in Carrefour recently to purchase some products and while I was in queue, I saw that all the cashier counters had this "GST" reminder stuck on their registers. I waited to see if the cashier "greet", "smile" and "thank" the customers in front of me. She did not, not even for any ONE of them. I looked around at other counters, every one of them was oblivious to the reminder in front of them. It's really ironic. Such a big joke!

Another incident happened while I was at M&S Parkway, the cashier did not greet but I do not really care for it. She just had this "black" face and seemed unwillingly to serve us. That aside, I was flabbergasted when she placed all the items i bought (about 5 items, probably weighed at least 800g) into 1 flimsy plastic bag. While I am not finicky, I was quite worried that the plastic bag would tear once I carried it around. I requested for another bag and I was given this look that I was fussy. Even when I go NTUC, if the cashier has no common sense and places 4, 5 cans of condensed milk or canned fruits into 1 bag, I will ask for another as the bag will break!

Now I have done customer service before and I know very well that Singaporeans are difficult at times but at least the basics of good customer service should be there. I have had customers who ask me questions with obvious answers or ask the same questions again and again or cant make up their minds and change stuff many times.

Now that's a real pain.

Do a HR job well

My impression of HR is that people in this line are supposed to be helpful, friendly and concerned for the employee’s welfare. The HR in my new workplace differs greatly from my impression and not many people are satisfied with their service.

Anyway, when I was recruited, NO ONE gave me a call to tell me what time to report to work or if I should go to HR first. So I called the day before I was to report.

Me: Hi, xxx, I am calling because no one has contacted me as to what time I should report to work. So what are the official working hours and who do I go to see tomorrow?
HR: 9-6pm, just go see your boss secretary and later I will come over.
Me: So would there be any induction briefing or orientation?
HR: Induction? No. It’s up to your boss to give you one.
Me: So HR won’t be giving an overview?
HR: No, it’s up to your boss to give you one.

Erm, isn’t HR in the best position to give an overview of all the depts? My boss can give me a micro view. Anyway in the end, I had no induction, no orientation and I was brought round the office and introduced to at least 20 people, each lasting for 10 secs only. What the use for this?? So, imagine, my 1st day I came, was shown to my seat and sat there. My colleague even told me that when she came a year ago, the people in the section did not even know she was coming!

Then, the best thing that happened was HR actually emailed me to ask me if I was settling down and told me to go online to our own website to know more about the company. Hello, HR is just 1 min walk away, do you need to email?!

It’s so different from my previous company which we had induction, then after that orientation for a week, tea session with section heads. While I don’t expect the same treatment, I would expect HR functions such as induction, HR queries to be answered properly and admin HR stuff to be done. Such a big company and no induction briefing. So what if HR here deals with international HR issues? The basics are not even done properly!

If I call HR and ask about issues that I am not clear about or need explaining, they will say, it’s up to your boss but my boss don’t know and won’t do a thing. Or they give you a pissed tone to signal that you are disturbing them with trivial stuff. I don’t know, you, as HR needs to tell me. Right? Dumb.

I feel HR reflects the reputation and environment of a company. So, please, do a HR job well.

What a hooha over lunch?!

I just don’t understand why this admin person at my office is so hung up about lunch hour. Today colleague A who always has to rotate with this admin person B, was on half day AM leave. So since A is coming in at 1pm which is also B’s lunchtime, I do not see the reason why I should have to be dragged into this lunch rotation thing. The basis for this lunch rotation is super dumb too as there must be someone in the office to answer any sales call. Come on, we are NOT a call centre.

Okie, so I refused to rotate lunch and told B that there is no need to, given the reason above. B can tell me what if A is late, A may not come in at 1pm. So what? Is that my business? In the end B said she will lunch at 12pm if I dun want to. I didn’t answer her as I couldn’t be bothered but B just walked off for her lunch.
Why this power play on lunch? Goodness, it’s just LUNCH. I am going crazy cos it has happened like at least 10 over times since I joined 4 months back. This is CRAZY. I am doing her a favour if A is on leave and I rotate with B, so she should keep her tone nice and not order me about. What the H***. I cant stand it.

I already DON'T interact with her 99% of the time. It seems funny she treats her family members so well and other big shots but is so mean to other colleagues or people. Perhaps really nice people are those who treat everyone with respect.

Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel. Right now. Maybe it's because I have been a supervisor before so I do not like people ordering me about, except my superiors/ boss. Maybe I should just quit.

A visit to HK Café

I went to HK Café in the East side with J last Sat and it was an “all right” experience. I thought it would be something quite different with HongKong cuisine but I was not very satisfied with the menu there. On hindsight, another similar café called “Central” is better, be it prices or variety of food.

For one, the prices at HK Café are like $2 to $3 more expensive than Central even though Central’s in Takashimaya. The “Yuan Yang” and the normal milk tea (though very smooth) were VERY EXPENSIVE at $2 per small tiny cup. If you like your stuff very sweet, you would like it but I like my tea sugarless. Then I had the macaroni with ham, which is supposedly a traditional HK dish. Well, perhaps it’s not to my taste as the macaroni came with a piece of ham, pork, egg sunny side, 1 stalk of veg and bland soup. Hmm.. I think I can jolly well cook that myself and not pay $7 to $8 for that.

J had fried beef horfun, nothing different from Singapore’s version save for the size of the noodles but it was not bad. Hmm.. I think the best was the mango pudding. I love mango pudding though this was as usual, a tad too sweet. All in all, the mango pudding was the best dish as it was natural and fresh. Again, the size is too small, I think it cost about $3. Oh, they have cheese baked rice with chicken, beef or seafood or even pasta. Hmm.. Isn’t that Italian? Well, those dishes came in metal round trays which look weird. It looks like a tray prisoners have – but that’s just my personal opinion. And the famous lemon with coke? They just provide you a cup with some slices of lemon and a can of Coke. Is that called authentic? I was quite pissed off at it. I thought in the Straits Times report they can ALSO serve it WARM but this was ONLY cold. Anyway I wont pay $2 or more to drink Coke, with or without lemon, in this place! In total, we spent $24 for 2 pax.

The conclusion is, I would visit this place for the experience or even better the one at Taka but I probably won't make it a frequent haunt.

Should we start a food blog??

Why am I unhappy at work?

Here it goes again. Why am I unhappy at work?

It’s a Monday yesterday and Mondays are blue. I never had such bad weekly Monday blues before.

Monday is blue blue blue,
Yes, yes it’s so true.
I need some sticky glue
To piece the stupid clues.

I think it’s because I finally realized what I wanted to do. And that’s marketing communications. I want to help maintain/ edit the company’s website, help in doing up brochures or rather marketing collaterals. I want to proofread and edit newsletters and perhaps other related stuff such as helping to organize events, liaise with advertising agencies on production of these collaterals and maybe conduct market research. I foresee this role would give me some opportunities in interacting with internal and external “customers”. It’s still desk-bound but at least there is some scope for work-related interaction?

I am not bothered about interacting personally as I believe I am capable of making friends whether it takes abit longer to open up or whatsoever. I just want some interaction with work, about work. There doesn’t seem to be any at where I am now and it’s killing me. I just feel like a robot and somehow you don’t feel you belong. You are just a worker, the environment is so cold. I don’t want to come to work, work, lunch and then work again and go home without any interaction. Apparently this is the culture here, as my other colleagues who have been here for 1 to 3 years testify. I wish there was some interaction between departments. A minimal amount will do. Probably all our work need not rely on others down the “production line”. Yet I want to have colleagues, not strangers who come to work at the same place. If that is the case, I might as well work at home. Anyway I think my situation cannot be changed given that there are so different characters in my team and mostly so fake and selfish. I don’t even want their interaction.

So, there I have it. My answer. Job misfit and a work environment misfit. My values are being compromised.

I shall change and I will change. In His time.

All I want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas…. Is my 2 front teeth, my 2 front teeth, my 2 front teeth.

No la.

I want

1. A beautifully decorated regular rectangular shaped mirror. So I can put it on my desk and see who’s coming in from my back. Right now I can’t see and it’s tough trying to guard against people who will peep at what you are doing even if you doing work-related stuff.

2. A small, tiny cheap radio. Retro style would be nice. It has to be small and tiny so it won’t take up too much space on my desk. It has to be cheap just in case people steal it from my desk. You never know. Yankee Inkees Doodles or similar countrymen may steal it.

3. A partition. I need this so I can put it in front of me and guard against the horrible admin person. Right now she has placed this small calendar that conveniently blocks my eyes from her eyes so I cannot stare directly into her. Which is good too but I would prefer a bigger partition or a poster would do?

Dead town with zombies

People say never to stay on in a company for the people. Go for your own dreams and aspirations. While that might be true, I can’t help but think if the reverse is true. Especially after my experiences.

I used to be bored with work as I have been at it for almost 2 years but I didn’t really hate it. The only things that kept me going were my fun colleagues and the comfortable, familiar environment. It was like an extended family which I came “home” to during my working hours. Company dinners, events and retreats helped many colleagues to grow closer and to get to know each other although many grumbled at having to spend time outside work going for it. On hindsight, it was fun and interesting.

Right now, I m not bored with work, well maybe slightly but I just find that this new place is like a dead town. People hardly interact, there is no WARMTH or COMPASSION. Initially, I wanted to be friendly and smile, say hi or acknowledge people to make a good impression but I found out it was useless here. Not many people responded. It’s a dead town with unfeeling zombies walking around. It’s abnormal. And I daresay I am one of the very youngest staff around. Heh. Granted, it’s more of a global culture with people of different nationalities and ages, yet there doesn’t seem to be any common company identity or unity. Some people in my team love to raise a big fuss over trivial matters, often administrative ones. Perhaps they don’t have enough attention in the office as people just come here to work and only work, work, work and then go off. No camaraderie at all. Maybe it's just my dept? Hmm...

It’s true that this happens everywhere but I guess I really know what I value more now. I want to stay in a place that allows me to develop myself and my career as the company grows, somewhere where I belong, not only for my usefulness or productivity but where I am respected as a person, for my abilities. I feel that when you are valued, you will put in more effort and not be so calculative. As for my present place now, I seriously do not know how long I can take it. I am trying real hard to adapt and try to change things or focus on positive stuff like at least I have 2 to 3 nice colleagues as allies but with not much growth or activities in this place, it’s a struggle. I do not know how long I can survive.

I miss you, you and you!!

There are more ex-colleagues that I miss very much. I guess since we are all around the same age group and being mentored or taken care of by older staff, so we grew quite close. It was a nice warm feeling. Like an extended family. Something my new company lacks – WARMTH.

I remember this “cheena” or china-looking girl whom I took under my wing for a few months to guide and supervise her on the job. She’s also another blur person but she was so fair that many customers mistook her for a Mainlander. I always thought I was quite fierce to her, in terms of look and discipline, haha. Yet in the end we became firm friends and often “crapped” around. Yes, she’s real crappy and after much “crapping” I will get lost in the conversation and give her this furrowed eyebrow look of disbelief. She made work less boring though I always have to go to her rescue be it to fix the loose computer cable or some weird computer commands she typed which rendered her system crazy or some funny question that the customers would ask. Haha. But she has since quit too.

Right, moving onto another “cheena” girl. Actually, I don’t think she’s cheena but she has very good skin NOW, good sexy bod, good height and such a sensual soft voice. In all, she’s a HOT babe! She was recruited about 1 month after me and I remembered my ex-manager telling me to guide her. I was like “Guide her?!” I was quite new myself but I gritted my teeth and went on. I guessed she learnt real fast and I learnt from her too Through many trials (and temptations) we became fast friends. She was there when I was scolded upside down by some Ah Lian customer which made me cry at the insults. We had many good eating outings and crazy babbling sessions in our pantry and I was really upset when my ex-manager wanted me to move to the branch office. But she has since quit too.

Oh, another sexy girl is this shorter ex-colleague with quite big eyes and … She always run while I walk when we “walk” side by side. Haha. You get the picture. She’s funny and crazy. You can hear her laughter miles away and it never fails to infect me. Hey gal, you have made my days so so memorable!! Even though she’s an only child, she doesn’t behave so much like a spoilt brat at work and not that much to her friends either. I mean people who are the only kids can be really self-centred, selfish and attention seeking at all times but she knows how to behave. Hehe. But she might just quit soon for better endeavours.

Hmm.. who else, there are so many of them!!
There’s another pretty girl in the graphic design dept and I never fail to marvel at how she manages to dress up so demurely and nicely and do her makeup and her hair in different styles each morning. Granted, she may have a bad temper at times at work but overall, she’s still quite nice, friendly and funny yet helpful to me. She’s still there though.

I miss. I miss saying “Hi! How are you?!” or “Hello!!” to any of my colleagues when I meet them anywhere in the building. I miss the nice stall vendors who greet you with a “Good morning” especially the one selling curry puffs or even say “Thank you” with a smile. I miss rushing to meetings or briefings at the auditorium, I miss the fun and crazy people who are not afraid to let their hair down and look silly during anniversaries or events. I miss all of them.

I miss them!!

I suddenly thought of my ex-colleagues. I remembered the times we had laughing, grumbling, eating, poking fun at each other, sleeping & throwing snide looks at each other (during meetings especially), or even greeting each other with enthusiastic “Hi!”s at the walkways. I smiled to myself as I reminisced about how colourful these colleagues are. Actually there are so many of them that I can't list all now.

I remembered this old short Chinese guy. He isn’t good looking but I won’t classify him as ugly because he was really very funny. He was a natural effeminate and he was the only one who never gave me the goose bumps, in fact he was really friendly and naturally funny. I never failed to laugh at him and with him just at the way he speaks and the way he walks or moves his hand. Sometimes my colleagues and I would pretend to be coquettish with him and he would reciprocate. I think I seldom saw him get angry, he always smiled but even his angry looks are comical. He’s sporting too, at our company events, we would often get him to play effeminate characters and he does them very well yet exaggerated.

There’s another graphic designer who looks and is shaped like a bear. Most people think he’s good looking and he’s quite well-built. Well, he has an artistic bad temper, can be very frank but he’s been friendly. He’s another one great at cross-dressing and he sings like Jacky Cheung, having won a few of the company’s karaoke events. He is the “husband” of another graphic designer who is very sporty but has an honest decent look. This other guy is often bullied by the girls in my department but he is quite comical and good-natured when we asked him to help us with things.

How I miss them!

My ex-manager is quite a fierce lady in terms of look and strict in terms of disciplining us, her subordinates and she does have quite high expectations. Yet beneath all that, she is caring and a good mentor.

Another ex-colleague, she has a bubbly smile and a kind, helpful heart that she cannot seem to say No to anyone. She helped me lots and though we had some brushes with work initially, there were no grudges and I would often laugh at her jokes.

How I miss them… too!

Ah, another one I miss a lot is this young girl with short hair but pretty spunky. She’s studying and working at the same time but she’s really blur. Her blur-ness never fails to make me laugh at her daily till one day I decided to term her my “kai1 xin1 guo4”. Hey she doesn’t make me laugh too, she loves to argue with me and I would do the same and we will just poke at each other till we both cannot take it. Sigh. I miss that banter.

I also miss those nice uncles in other sections, they are really friendly and “elderly” to us as they treat us like their own daughters and are ever so helpful. Even though at company functions or training, they seem pretty left out given their Chinese education, they did not behave grumpily or arrogantly.

Oh, how I miss them!!!

i need...

I need a new job.

The lack of interaction is killing me. How do people here survive?!

Where are the media events? Where are the company events? Where's the dynamism?? Where's the networking?

I seem to do all my work on the computer. Sitting there 8 hours a day. That sucks.

I am so not used to the non-family culture. I would love to go to work knowing that I am surrounded by friendly colleagues and friends and bosses who notice you, as a person.

Ugly Singaporean? behaviour

Why do people behave like that?!

I have 2 main peeves after working in the CBD for some months. Some behaviour I cant stand. Some behaviour which makes me want to roll my eyes and show an “attitude” face.

I hate it when people in my office building try to squeeze in when the lift is pretty full already.
It makes it worse when they are not very small sized or carrying a big luggage bag!! There is not enough space even though the lift says it can take 20, it cannot!! Don’t these people ever understand? Why do they like to squeeze themselves at the door or try to find a teeny weeny space to stand?? It only makes my trip Up or Down my office even LONGER!! Everytime these people do that, I feel like going “Gosh. pause. Gosh.” or “Goodness. pause. Goodness.” I feel like being even more mean by directly saying, “The lift is already very packed, please do not squeeze in.”

Will I get bashed up??

My second peeve is during peak hours when people DO NOT move in to the middle of the MRT, leaving the middle portion of the carriage quite empty. It makes me even more MAD when I cannot get into the train. One train goes by. Never mind. The second train goes by. I look and see the middle portion relatively empty and everyone stuck at the door AGAIN. Ok, I shall tolerate. By the time the third or fourth train comes by, my face is BLACK. Yet, seriously after the second train passes by, I am so bloody tempted to wave to the people in the middle of the train or at the side to ask them to move. But what would people think of a furiously gesturing female?? Maybe I should get a placard and write these words, “Please move towards the centre.” And flash it.

I wish these people would be more civic-minded and courteous. Maybe I seem like a weird person, always walking to the middle of the train car, or “pushing aside” people while I make my way in but if I don’t, who will?

Ugly Singaporean behaviour.

of money and africans

My money plant in the office sprouted a small young leave!! There's life after all.

My african violet at home seems to be dying. The leaves are turning black.
Gosh. I need to buy african violet soil and fertilizers.

Where are my green fingers???!!

no more threads/ threats

No more threats.

Enuff said.

hanging by a thread.... threat???

*Stressed*

**Confused**

***Lost***

my job hangs on a thread!!

I asked my director about my confirmation today. She apologised for the delay as she forgot and was away the whole of last week. Actually I only wanted her to give me the letter (and just give me the bloody letter!!) but she asked me a weird question.

She asked me if I was unhappy with the job here as she had feedback that I don't seem happy. Her main concern was if I was happy as she did not want me to quit after a few months and waste all the time or training she's gonna invest in me (if there would be any training after all). Well, I was caught off guard. Yet I do not think I don't look happy. I am just being grumpy, black face and irritated at times? Conflicts between colleagues do occur, yah. And I admit I have not been very nice to some of them at times (read: the admin woman & the YID). So I told her, NO, she and the other people who feedback are not right with regards to this.

I guess I didn't sound convincing enough.

She asked me to reconsider. Reconsider what?! This job? NO. I need this job (money).
Oops. Was I dumb in accepting her request for me to reconsider? But I was giving her face. Hmm..
I shall tell her I am not unhappy (even if I am, but life's never perfect) and ask her to give me the letter, the letter, the letter, the letter.

I am just an ice princess. Do not force me to smile. Especially when I face the computer.

I only want the letter, the letter, the letter, the letter and only the letter.

All I want is you, guy!

What do I want in a guy?
Seriously last time when people asked me this question, I really didnt know how to answer but I knew I wanted a family-oriented guy.

Hmm... The most important thing is that he loves me as I am and is my pillar of moral support. Of course, I hope he will be my companion till old age.

That's all for me, actually.

However, if there is really a need for a checklist, here it goes: Family-oriented, Honest, Responsible, Secure , Humorous, Caring, Loving, True to me = Faithful. HAHAHA!!! =)

Resting on my laurels

I think I have changed and it scares me.

Why? I realised I like to rest on my laurels nowadays, I have become a slacker. I prefer to enjoy things in an unhurried manner with a nonchalent attitude. Is this good or bad?

• As long as I have enough $$$ to get me the things that I want, I am contented. Even if my job is a brainless one, (which does not need me to analyse things), I have now a half hearted desire to sprint in the rat race.
• As long as I can do my own stuff and things that I like, I don't bother to keep in touch with friends that do not keep in touch with me. I am a survivor. Or am I a hermit?
• As long as I am safe and sound and stable, I do not care even if the whole world drops or if strangers fall.

Yet, from a Christian perspective: God does not want us to be islands. He told us to "go out and be fishers of men". Seriously, I have become lazy. Interacting with known people in your comfort zone is so much easier. Interacting with yourself is effortless!!

Yet, from another perspective: More interaction equates more activities and more fun with more people.

Do I dare to risk my feelings for new people, new activities and to be more passionate about my career, my family, my friends, my... everything and anything? I don't know.

Maybe I have become BO CHAP.

Forgiveness

I said a prayer to God this morning. I asked Him to help me forgive some friends who made me really angry and disappointed in them recently. I was kind of melancholy during the weekend because my computer was down, no internet as well.

So I spent 48 hours thinking about my life. Well, not entirely 48 hours lah.

Now I feel quite liberated because I have forgiven!

BUT. HOWEVER . WAIT AWHILE, there are 2 I have not forgiven. One is this "love-hate" friend and the other is "the gift" friend which I have blogged about previously.

Hmmm...

yankee inkie doodles

Yankee inkie doodles climbing up the tree, down came the rain and washed away his brains...

Yoohoo!!

I dislike yankee inkie doodles. I dislike them. In my 2 greenhorn years or more of working experience, I never ever had a good impression of pure yankee inkie doodles.

Yankee inkie doodles TALK too much, too fast.
Yankee inkie doodles are arrogant, they behave as they are the smartest and know-it-all and you don't know.
Yankee inkie doodles are loud and pompous.
Yankee inkie doodles have a self-inflated ego.

There is one such YID in my office.

Example 1: He likes to ask me to do reports or check up some information for him, which I know he WON'T be using at all. Or he likes to ask me to do this, do that, check this, check that, call so and so and beg for extension of deadline or whatever. In the end, the sales order DID NOT even come through!!!

Example 2: Or he would ask me to check with so and so but I know so and so is not in charge and won't have the answer but I HAVE to ask on this YID's behalf. I hate it cos it makes me look stupid and I already know the answer or who to look for. Sickening YID. In the end, I still have to ask, so I asked and I kena "piangz" or scolded or an irritated email reply.

Example 3: Once, he even asked the secretary to answer his handphone. Ordinary. But he asked her when the phone was ringing in his hand and he had to walk to her to give her to answer while he stood beside her. Duhz.

Anyway I don't give a hoot about this YID. He always act like he's a big boss, directing people to do this and do that.

Such an irritant.

Tired. Fatigue. Giving up.

I normally (try to) ask my gfs out during the weekends to catch up but this seems increasingly difficult due to our different work schedules and lifestyles and of course, changed characters. Some of them don't go out during weekdays or work late, so I can't ask them out then.

But I am tired. I am very tired of trying to check their schedules, plan places to go and confirm with her or them. What a waste of emails, sms, phone calls and planning.

If I ask one month in advance, sometimes they say can, sometimes really cannot, never mind. So I also ask 1 or 2 weeks in advance to arrange the dates and re-confirm later. If I do nail them down, it will be suddenly "Oh, I have something on." and I am like thinking "I thought I told you to keep this day free and I will re-confirm nearer the date??"

Then if I happen to just call them to meet up in one or two days' time, I am labelled "last-min". I only wanted to see if our timings can fit and we can meet up, if not, it's all right, cos it just might be I am going to a certain area or whatever.

Come on lah! Early no free, late no free.

No need to meet up lah. I am tired of such things. I GIVE UP.

I should just continue being a loner. (Which is funny, I used to think I was weird, cos I like to shop alone, don't mind eating alone and doing many activities alone. I used to go for classes in Uni alone WITHOUT knowing anyone. I thought I was a weirdo. Maybe I still am. But I don't care.)

Gone??

Gone are the days where we sat together and yakked.
Gone is the patience we gave each other to muse and ponder.
Gone are the times we went out with each other frequently.
Gone are the long hours we spent with each other unconditionally.
Gone is the understanding we had with each other's nonsensical complains.
Gone are the close friendship ties we had.

Gone.
Now are the days where we sit together and yak about the food.
Now is the impatience and pressure we give each other if anyone dares to muse and ponder.
Now is the time we only go out with each other on occasions.
Now are the minutes we count as we spend time with each other.
Now is the nonchalance we have with each other's nonsensical complains.

Now what exist - struggling friendship ties.

I struggle to hold things together but one hand cannot clap alone. Will I dare to make new friends? Will I want to? How long will these new friendships last? Will I get snubbed later on, as work, bfs or other commitments take priority?

I now function best, as myself, with myself.

Me, myself and my computer

I have been thinking about a solution for the past few weeks regarding my job. I don’t think I regret leaving my former company but I do wish things in my present one are better, give that the name is considered prestigious. Gosh. It has international operations yet my main grouse is the lack of human touch and interaction.

40 hours a week. That’s roughly the amount of time we spend at work. If we don’t make full use of it, isn’t it such a waste of time? Granted, the pay’s good but money cant buy you happiness. The general benefits are all right, no corporate benefits such as discounted gym membership, etc but I don’t mind! BUT no one talks to anyone. HARDLY. It’s just me, myself and my computer.

Me, myself and my computer. That’s how it is. I think I have forgotten how to use my mouth except to answer my boss, if she ever talks to me, that is.

Actually I am not trying to compare, I know I should not. I am trying not to but I have quite a tough time adapting from a noisy, fun-loving environment to one that’s like super quiet and the phone hardly rings. When the phone rings, I finally know there is life to it. I left my previous company because I was bored in my job which was routine and I was getting a lot of nonsense from those customers, especially “cheena” ones. There’s none of those now, no need to get angry at stupid people who think they are king.

Yet I have become a tiny miniscule part of this corporate world. A human machine sending out emails each day. A mute one at that. A non-interactive stone. Sigh. Everyday, I am just waiting for something to happen. Anything interesting or exciting. Standard routine for people here would be come to work, work, work, oh lunchtime, then back from lunch, face computer again, work, work, work, oh time to go home. No need to talk to anyone. No wonder people here don’t like to lunch together. There is no commonality and after a while, being with yourself is so much easier as you have already been “interacting’ with your computer for the past 4 hours.

Stone. Stoned. Stoned.

I guess it doesn’t help that HR doesn’t have any induction for new people to interact with the heads of each department. There isn’t even any organizational chart so I know who’s the big head in each department at least. To be fair, I was introduced to them but I don’t think a 5-sec meeting suffices. In addition, HR doesn’t bother to organize any annual event (like D&D or Family Day) or try to get the people to get to know each other and truly form a culture. I don't go for every such events but it's nice to have such interaction activities ongoing. Yes, it is a diverse culture here but it is also dispersed. I guess other than the ang mohs, the rest of the Asians probably doesn’t feel a sense of belonging. Perhaps I have been too used to my previous company so much so I have been spoilt. Hehe.

Right. How about job scope? Well, I am learning new stuff BUT there’s hardly anyone I can look to for guidance or training. And mind you, it’s not those normal Excel or Pagemaker stuff which you can learn by trial and error. We are talking about some in-house systems and technical stuff like print production. You know those printing technicians? If part of my job is to learn their knowledge (which they got through certified courses), how am I expected to know everything by learning myself online without adequate, proper resources?! Gosh. Not everything is learnable on the Internet. Where’s the standard? Where’s the interest in employee development?

I don’t know if I should leave. Is it too premature? Is it the same in other places??

A love-hate friend

I know someone whom I thought I used to like as a friend. Now I Hate? Dislike? Loathe? him. I don’t know. Me got to know him through a mutual friend in uni. Found him funny at first and inquisitive at first but these traits made him more and more irritating when coupled with that arrogance and selfishness of his.

Why do I say he’s arrogant and selfish?

He thinks he’s good-looking, tall and smart when he’s not. It shows in the way he walks, with his chest so greatly put out in front of him and this smirk on his face. Arrogance is shown in his speech too. He can talk non-stop about anything under the sun and twist facts? I used to think that was interesting BUT that was in the beginning.

He used to call me nightly or alternate to chit chat. If I didn’t answer my handphone, he would call my house phone and I would kindly oblige by listening to him. I admit that while I was still in uni, my main aim was to ask him for advice as he was working and I was a nubile in school. That progressed till I started work but after I was quite inaugurated into the working world, I guess, I learnt to stand on my own feet.

I can be much of a doormat at times, letting things go and not standing up for myself if I don’t see the need to fight for it. Which I guess is one reason I allowed him to step all over me, and take me for granted as a friend and to “use” me?

Even at times where he put me down, he said I wasn’t pretty, wasn’t polished enough, asked me to go to do my nails, my hair, dress trendier, etc. I heard what he said though I didn’t bother to heed his advice, I made a mistake by allowing him to put me down. Granted, in uni, I often wore jeans and blouses or T-shirts because I was lazy to dress up and I carried a haversack and my main priority was my grades. But he shouldn’t have put me down like that all the time for such a long period, which I tolerated and because he said he’s being frank as a friend. However, no friend puts you down, a friend advises you. Yet when he saw me this year, he says working has really changed my physical appearance. Gosh.

Besides talking on the phone nightly, I often went out with him. Initially it was because he was different and so it was interesting. Then it became difficult to turn him down, especially when he was going to the same places that I was going. And I was really soft-hearted although I felt he was really an attention needy guy. And that’s his selfishness. He didn’t think of how his comments would hurt people or how his actions will encroach on others’ time or whatever.

I certainly don’t love such a friend but then again, I don’t know what to feel. Perhaps avoidance is best.

my 1st time... with acupuncture

Acupuncture? Eeks.. When I heard that I got scared. I was back at the doctor for a follow-up consultation. and he told me the next thing he would do is acupuncture. Erm. I was alone at that time, no one to root me on!!! But I decided to give it a try and really let my ankle HEAL.

Thankfully, it was amazing after all. The needles were small and thin (like 0.4mm, 0.5mm those kind). The doc poked needles into strategic locations of my leg, especially my ankle and hooked the needles up to some electrical machine to send electric pulses to my nerves. It was good though my leg felt numb for a while and it got abit itchy for some minutes. But after 20 mins of therapy, my ankle was amazingly lighter or less tight and I could walk so much better. The whole process was quite relaxing and I fell asleep for some minutes. The needles that they used were disposable needles so it was quite sterile and clean.

So, contrary to common opinion that sinsehs are no good, I think this branch or this company is amazing. They are professional, the clinic's VERY clean & airconditioned, doctor's uniforms are clean, the beds are clean... Wow! What's more intriguing was that I was given some bitter chinese medicine to drink. No need to brew, instant one. Just place it in lukewarm water and drink!! And these came in neat, sterile sachets that were sealed for each day's consumption.

I am totally bowled over by TCM at Ma Kuang now. Yeah.

Growing up pains

Growing up changes relationships, especially friendships.

Been musing over it for quite some time yet I never seemed to find a satisfactory conclusion nor a resolution. I noticed the changes ever since I stepped into Uni, my group of close friends didn’t meet as much as when we were in JC. Perhaps then we were in the same class, we saw each other everyday. Yet in Uni, even when we saw each other in class, it wasn’t like before. We had so many things in front of us to bother about and grades was all on their our minds. Well, I could throw those aside for awhile, school was just school. Lunch was hurried, time was spent in the library mugging. The care-free life was gone. The time to smell the roses was gone?

I began to see less and less of them and others.

Paddle on 2 years later, I have started working and contact became really minimal. The number of times we meet in a year are like maybe the number of fingers you have on one hand or two. And when we meet, we tend to “catch up” by summarizing our lives in one or two hours meal we have together. A summary of some sentences. Or there are some of my friends who busy themselves with so much activities that when I “book” them one to two weeks in advance, they are unavailable. No point booking them one month in advance either, cos they won’t be free suddenly too.

Is it true that as people grow older, they keep less friends? Is it just girls? Guys can bond over a soccer game WITHOUT talking or even if they have not seen each other in years. It seems like heart-to-heart talks don’t exist anymore when you grow older and other things occupy your time and attention or is it one have built up a wall so much so to protect oneself such that others cant get in.

Or maybe it’s me that no one wants to open up to me. Or have a heart-to-heart talk with me anymore. It seems difficult to get people to meet and sometimes we are like strangers. Yet I don’t think I have changed much, just still as naïve.

I guess I have learnt to manage my own feelings and solve my own problems internally and ultimately be independent.

answers to my confusion

Hehe. I am no longer confused. And I decided I should accept guys as they are for things that nature has created them for. Though not for stuff that can be changed.

In response to my previous posting, I must say well, most guys behave this way. And it all boils down to their reduced ability to MULTI-TASK* or CONCENTRATE** . But hey, I can. I can eat, read the papers with the tv while waiting for an sms reply. I can go shopping and still think of a loved one or even sms away. Hmm... They also don't like to appear weak***. Or stop the pursuit after they've got the gal****.

*why do guys seem not eager to include their gfs into their "male" activities like watching kopitiam soccer or car racing or american pool or whatever?

**why when guys engage in "male" activities, they forget EVERYTHING including their gfs?

***why do guys like time off to get in touch in their feelings?

****why do guys only maintain but not improve the relationship after awhile?

That's the reason Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

confused

confused.

why do guys think a certain way or do certain actions?

why do guys seem not eager to include their gfs into their "male" activities like watching kopitiam soccer or car racing or american pool or whatever?

why do guys frown upon their gfs visiting cigarette smoke-infested pool areas for fear of the not-so-decent (read male-dominated) environment?

why when guys engage in "male" activities, they forget EVERYTHING including their gfs?

why do guys like time off to get in touch in their feelings?

why do guys not like talk about their problems just for the sake of talking?
Talking IS therapy.

why do guys try to minimise the interaction between their frens and their gfs?

why do guys not dare venture out with their gfs from their comfort zone as a couple even?

why do guys only maintain but not improve the relationship after awhile?

WHY?

** SNAGS not included.

unknown

Hmm… Sometimes I don’t know what to do in my life. I know stability and routine is good, but should we look for new stuff to try out, new activities, etc? Hmmm… I see other people trying out new stuff all the time; a new hair colour, a new eating place, a new club or pub.

Yet I cant be bothered to spend too much $$ on my hair (I do budget how much goes to my hair and I try to delay each haircut for as long as possible).

A new eating place? Depends. If you are talking about high class restaurants or posh joints, I might splurge but I don’t see the need to. I rather eat out at cheapo hawker centres or mass appeal restaurants. Look for new cheapo places then? Well, it’s almost the same anywhere. =)

New club or pub? Nah, not really interested, the company’s either not interested or not my type of company (I don’t drink like a fish).

Shop? New shop? If I really need it or like it. Well, I don't think we need that many clothes, won't get to wear so many either.

I think I shall stick to my old ways or rather I take calculated, deliberated changes. Try not to ask me what I did during my weekends, mostly it’s lazing at home? I think so. HAHA.

I don't know

What does a person look for in a job?

Actually I also do not know what I am looking for.

Sometimes I feel I am floating aimlessly in the corporate world.

Is it the reputation of the company that makes you feel you are worth it in the job?
Is it the salary and perks?
Is it the working culture or promotions available?
Or is it the people you work with?

Which would matter the most or which few? We cant expect to have all… I know that.

Am I in the job I aspired to be when I was in university? Is it relevant to my studies? I don’t know.

Project Superstar 2

I bet MCS has made milked every possible $$$ out of us.

The Project Superstar on Channel U is like a farce. How could the blind contestant win? (Yah, even though I knew that he would win in the end anyway). Isn’t this a contest about singing? It seems to be a contest about popularity since that 70% of votes are based on audience’s votes. *I bet MCS has milked every possible $$$ out of us.

A contest should have fair standards. So whether or not a person has disabilities, he or she should be judged according to the criteria: stage presence, singing, dress sense. Marks should be accorded on how well the person performed after putting in effort and not how much effort the person is (or tries to) put in.

Sympathy votes arise when the voter feels Kelvin has put in a lot of effort and has done remarkable things despite his disabilities. So to show a sense of admiration or encouragement, you vote. Yes, but I thought this is about SINGING? Voice quality? Be objective, forget about all the contestants’ backgrounds, etc. If you really judge on singing and stage performance, who should win?

Kelly & Junyang should have won.

Kelvin can sing better than average though he could do with more training BUT Kelly and Junyang are the real stars who shine on stage. Yes, we should applaud Kelvin for his efforts to come this far but save it for another occasion. This is a singing contest and MCS should change the criteria 50% judges and 50% votes, perhaps.

* Disclaimer: All non-malicious views are entirely the author's.

Hurray to the ankle

My ankle feels extremely better already, especially after I went to the sinseh for a massage and was told to soak it in warm water once for the next 3 days. Almost everyday I said a silent prayer to God to help my ankle heal better.

It feels less stiff and I can walk without almost any pain! Hurray. So glad. Yet I am taking very great care, little and little rotating and strengthening my ankle so that risk of re-injury wont be that high. I suspect I might have put on abit of weight cos all I could do was eat and rest and sleep. There’s a “tyre” around my tummy. And I cant really exercise for at least 2-3 months. Hmm..

Oh well. Patience and care. Patience and care. P-a-t-i-e-n-c-e and c-a-r-e.

Depressed Ankle

I think my ankle is 60% recovered. I can walk normally though with abit of dragging and limping. Left some bluish-black bruises only. Yet I am very frustrated. Or depressed. I don't know which!

1. Extremely very restricted social activities for the next few weeks, maybe a month. (Argghhh!)
2. Elevation of feet for another 1 week or 2 till the swelling subsides permanently. (Sigh)
3. Careful walking, no strenuous or vigourous exercise for the next 3 months? === NO exercise. (Huhh?!!)
4. Watchful diet - no cold stuff, no iced stuff, no sour stuff, no cooling stuff. (Haizzzzz...)

Sigh. I have this feeling that the next 40% of recovery would be slower and could take weeks! I don't want to re-injure my ankle so I am being extremely careful now.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. This is depressing.

Cleaning the pantry

I had a shock when I heard the cleaning cum pantry aunty (let’s call her B) speak pretty good English some weeks back. The sentences are full and she could carry out a normal conversation with very little Singlish in it! I don’t’ look down on them but this B, really first kind that I ever met.

I tried to make friends with B but I think I have been ignored so far. People here are super elitist. Why was I ignored? Okie.

My 1st mistake. I spoke to B in Chinese. It’s just out of habit. Most cleaning aunties speak Chinese! I was trying to be nice, I said, “Aunty, ni1 hao3”! Then I also left the door open for her as I saw B pushing a trolley. She said “Thank you” in ENGLISH but not without giving me this “duhz” look like why I was speaking Chinese to B.

From then onwards, I think I have been looked down upon by B. I get this weird look when I go into the panty. Also the 1st few days, even while I was sitting at my desk, she didnt bother to clear my dustbin!!!

Such a sad world. And it’s so dumb.

Working world

I felt real lousy today. Just real lousy.

I never felt so much like crying, over seemingly trivial issues.

This is the 1st time I sprained my ankle. I don't wish for it to happen but it did. And it isn't a good experience. Today, after I unwrapped the bandage by the Chinese sinseh, it seems some parts of my ankle have blue-black bruises on them. It looks scary and I was at work today. I wish I could work from home (Well, I had already been on a few days MC).

That's 1 reason I felt lousy. Going back to work made it worse. Though some of my colleagues did ask about what happened to me and how I fell, it felt like small talk. I had this thought in my mind; "let's see if anyone would volunteer to help me fill water as they went to the pantry or buy back lunch for me." No one did. I repeat No one did.

Reality is sad.

Sigh. Goodness, cant they tell walking was very tiring for me? Yes, the pantry is probably only 50m away but I was limping! Ok... Never mind... I shall be an independent strong girl.

I am really sad. I guess if the office environment was more friendly and sincere, I wouldn't be so bogged down by my injury. Cos normally I am happy-go-lucky. Maybe I shouldn't compare with my previous company... However, this incident that happened today really gripped my heart with coldness. But why? Why??

I wanted to claim my medical receipts and filled up the medical claims form and placed it on my admin person's table. When she came back form lunch, her reaction was, "Oh, this claims you can just give it to HR, no need to go through me." and she gave it back to me.

HELLO!!!!! I was like HR is not very far but in my condition, it IS VERY FAR. It's another 70m away. And it IS REALLY VERY FAR. She just give the form back to me without offering to go to HR for me. And I haven't say she went for lunch without asking me if I needed her help to buy back a packet lunch as all the sales people were out for a meeting, so only left me and her. When noon came, she told me she's going for lunch and I replied "Ok". Couldn't be bothered to request her to HELP me packet lunch. Yah, so lunchtime I limped my way downstairs and bought my OWN lunch, not heeding the stares I had from passers-by.

Is this the real working world? The dog-eat-dog, the selfish world? The stick- to-your-protective-way world? Is this the harsh reality? My heart shudders.

Please tell me.

Friends

I realised I have few friends. I used to be upset at this truth, wishing that I was the life of the party kinda character but after the episode with "THE GIFT", I am really glad I have few friends. But then again, I think I have about 10 close friends. Close, closer and closest friends. I should consider myself fortunate.

Call me crazy. Call me mad. Call me ice queen. I dont give a damn.

Good friends are hard to come by, so drop your bad friends like hot potatoes!!!

The gift

A friend asked for a 256mb thumbdrive when asked what birthday gift she would like. Nothing wrong with that, just that thumbdrives seem pretty expensive (before I checked out the exact prices). I tried to persuade her to suggest something less heavy on the pocket or perhaps be open to the idea of vouchers. She refused and insisted on the thumbdrive as it was her birthday. The other stuff on her wishlist was amazing (horrifying to me) = laptop, dunno what dunno what... I couldnt bear to read the rest.

In the end, I only had to pay about$20 towards sharing the gift but boy was I peeved. I was pissed and I felt rubbed the wrong way. I was really angry at this friend's attitude. I guess I can't even call her a friend at all maybe. We were in a clique in JC and that's the closest I got. Acquaintance? I should think so. If you think I am being too heartless, so be it.

For one thing, I HATE being exploited. I HATED it when she insisted on that particular thing cos she said it's her birthday and she really wants it! Does your birthday give you the right to demand the sky? Can't she be more considerate in thinking about her Friends??? Her Friends dont earn as much as her. And we are not so "consumerish", needing to purchase this, that, this, that. I dunno. Her attitude just grates on me. And I dont even see her once a year, or once a year MAYBE. Guess different paths have moulded our characters and we have vastly different interests. Yes, I know previously she was also like that, liking to go to "in" places like New Asia Bar, aspiring to live the high life. THE GIFT was the catalyst.

Yes, I agree most times we hardly ask about each other.. Yet, I wish you knew, I am getting a gift for old times' sake, it's just to tell you that "Hey, I remember you as a friend, even though we hardly ever meet, even though we have gone different paths, even though we hardly speak." Yes, I think I have changed too. Previously I was more accomodating, but now, dont get on my wrong side or offend my principles, I will stand up for myself.

*** DO NOT USE YOUR BIRTHDAY TO DEMAND GIFTS ***

"Sorry, (to this friend of mine), you have lost my friendship." Forever.

Project Super Star *

I must take my hat off to the marketing team behind this Project Superstar. This reality singing talent competition has become an icon in the local Chinese music scene this year. People sat up and took notice of superstar wannabes & fans evolved from all over. This event has revived Channel U but most importantly, the media and telcos must be laughing all the way to the bank.

For one, I don't have a penchant for reality shows other than Amazing Race. I hated Singapore Idol, Amercian Idol, Extreme Makeover, etc. But this Project Superstar got my attention (but not my $$ though). 60 cents per sms, woah... Perhaps I am past that teen-bopping stage. But still...

These are just my 2 cents worth, having been entertained by the young handsome guys and pretty girls every Wed & Thurs night. I will shorten my list to the final 4 contestants where it really is quite an exciting fight.

• Handsome sunshine guy: Hong Junyang

- It's a pity he lost out at the very last round. He can sing and perform pretty well. He looked so sad when he lost; after all he was the hot favourite. The judges were okie but I think the audience votes at the last round were highly debatable. Did they vote for M2 instead for all his efforts in trying? What about HJY's efforts in trying? If standards were discounted cos of M2's handicap, how fair is it then even though both contestants are good? ( esp when Li Weisong said he could tell M2 was trying real hard to have some stage movement.)

Anyway, I heard he's 24, which is the same as me. And he's in NUS. Why didnt I see him when I was in NUS? Gosh, what an opportunity I missed out!

• Multi-transformation pretty lass: Kelly Poon

She's really pretty and her image can be transformed numerous ways, which is amazing. She's got good taste but perhaps her less than perfect performance for the last few stages were due to stress and lack of confidence. I am glad she is the female champion. She's got a lovely voice and she seems humble. When she gets high scores, she smiles even more radiantly and doesnt pretend to be shocked... And she's smart, she gives diplomatic answers when asked questions like how she would feel if she lost. I don't care if people says she knows how to act, diplomacy goes a long way. I am satisfied she won!

• Chew Sin Huey

I don't know what to describe her and I don't want to put in unkind words. From her stage speeches, you can tell she cares alot about the criticisms about her online and on print. And she very much wanted to win, I just felt she was desperate to win. To prove people wrong. For one, she doesnt have very much of a dress sense. The judges said her clothes dont match the atmosphere of the songs. I totally agree.

Her singing was atrocious? in the beginning until the female judge said CSH just let all out ("power is nothing without control"). CSH has a rough sexy voice, I agree. I must say she has improved in the last few stages but if Kelly didn't buckle under all that pressure, would she be more prominent? I think not.

I am totally embarrassed that she's as old as me, 24 and the very fact she went to NUS. Cos the way she expressed her (fake) surprise when some judges gave her 9/10 was so obviously duhzz (fake). And sticking out your tongue on national television all the time is not a very dignified thing to do. Please don't act cute. I cringe each time the tongue comes out or when she exclaimed upon seeing her parting video, "eee! hah! so auntie!"

Worse was when she tried to explain why she chose "You are beautiful" this song. She meant to say that she will not be bogged down by all the horrid comments given to her. If she didnt care, why did she try to explain so much to the judges that she chose that song??! And she said she should take criticisms but why her vengence to try to prove her critics wrong? The funniest thing she said in her response to her fashion boo-boos was "Budget lah". Well, expensive clothes don't maketh a person. Even the female judge pointed that out. Goodness!!!

I think humility and sincerity and diplomacy are the key issues here. Look at HJY, Kelly, Kelvin and the rest of other (eliminated) contestants, they listened to the judges' comments sincerely and not let off some funny sound or exclamation or stick out their tongues or pretend to be very very surprised at high marks.

All in all, I guess life would be different if Kelly and Junyang proceeded on to the next stage, at least in my life.

That's just my humble view. = )

Clumsy Bumsy

Ankle sprain. Clumsy girl.

That's me.

I was rushing over an overhead bridge near my house when I tripped. I (think & only think) I tripped forward a few steps and instinctively I grabbed the side railings, hit some concrete on my right side and finally landing slightly on my right side and back. (I think so. Things happened in a flash, and it's really a flash. It must have been some 10 steps.)

A male student stopped my fall too and looked at me in shock. I stared blankly, dazed, all feeling in my left ankle gone yet I could feel it was numb. My hair was in a mess and I was wearing a skirt. The student asked if I was all right, I could only go "Owwwwwww!!! " He asked me if there was a need to call an ambulance... "Ambulance?!" I told him no need to as I would call my dad and asked the student to proceed on while I sat there and rested. My dad came quickly from home in a few mins to help me, but not before I sat, embarrassingly, on the overhead bridge steps, trying to calm down, look all right (dignified actually) while at least 5 people walked past me. Darn those narrow steps!

And yah, that's how I fell. It seems so dumb now. Was it cos of the drinks I had yesterday night? But it can't be. I was Wide Awake when I left for work. Was it cos of 7th month? Oh well. I seriously do think it's cos of the narrow overhead bridge steps. I resolved to complain to the town council or whoever.

• How can they build the steps of this idiotic overhead bridge to be so narrow, the width only fits a size 5???
• Has the contractor been sleeping???!!

Everyday I walk on this bridge, I gingerly place my footsteps cos I was afraid of falling. And it has really happened.

Sigh. And here I am, out of action for at least 4 days. Good luck to me.

Yuppie vs heartland

Oh. Yuppie lifestyle, my 1st exposure to it. Dont laugh. I know I am a "mountain tortoise". Hahaha... Hey, I said DON'T LAUGH >>>

The other day, my Asian sales manager initiated drinks with the whole ad team (plus the ang mohs) though in the end only 3 of us went. We took a lift in his car but boy was I horrified, his car very dirty lehz... Sales manager lehz.. with an american firm no $$ to upkeep his blardi car??? His car was dirty on the outside and inside!! I sat in front and there was alot of dried grass on the mat. GOODNESS!!! He's married somemore...

Well, back to the yuppie vs heartlanders. I guess it's cos they are older than me by 5-6 years that I couldnt really catch their conversation threads. Plus they all studied overseas... It's only me, the typical go to S'pore schools and grad with typical S'pore uni...

Hmmm... Yes, I knew what they were talking about, cars and girls and guys but the name-dropping got to a point where I got really blurred. And it didnt help that throughout the 2 hours plus that we were sitting there, I drank 2 housepours and an awful margarita.

Too bad, I felt like a "mountain tortoise" cos I very seldom go for drink sessions. In my previous company, it was like drinks meant kopitiam as the coffeeshops were just opposite and pubs were nowhere to be seen in the heartlands.

"Xiao mei mei" was how I felt too cos I was the youngest among them! It was getting abit uncomfy at times as they seem to be dishing out advice on life to me.. and I was thinking, "yah but you dont have to tell me that life's like that, I will live it myself." Okie, so much for being appreciative. Their (older) points of view were funny... ... at times ??

Actually, it was somewhat fun. However, I do not understand why they are social smokers. Hopefully the next one would turn out better.

---> Just clocking another life experience.

Work, work, work

I am glad.

Things are getting better at work. God has answered my prayers somewhat. And I have adjusted my mentality that since it's low ad season in the office, I shall enjoy it while it lasts. And count my blessings. OKie.

Yah, and my sales director has just told me to read up on some things... and prepare myself... hmm... Okie. I will get going!!

What is the meaning of love?

Humans are always troubled by love. So am I. But why am I troubled? I guess my blur brain has gone into overdrive, it will be normal soon, yes it will... it will stop wandering... soon..

My friend said the concept of a love (and I mean BGR) is purely wanting & being very happy to see and being by a loved one's side..... and to share things that happen in his/her daily life be it sad or happy stuff (I really quote). Well, I am not an expert in relationships but I just cant help feeling uncomfortable with my friend's definition. It just sounds a tad selfish or superficial.

In my opinion, love is not just about sharing everything that happened in each other's daily life.. In fact, it sounds scary. Imagine having to list down detailedly what you did, who you talked to, what time did you do what, who you went out with, what you all did? Hmm.. Some people may beg to differ. But I think I can deal with normal conflicts and grouses at work, small upsets or momentary happiness over the most nonsensical things in my daily life myself, thank you very much.

It doesnt harm a relationship to talk about all these kind of trivial things but I feel on a deeper level, a couple needs to communicate each other's values, principles and even problems that would have an impact on each other or require some moral support and reassurance. Hmm.. wonder if it actually makes sense.

Why do I say the quote above by my friend is selfish? It's because it's just all about "I". Where is the "You" or the other half? Shouldnt it be I want to know what my Other Half's day is good, if he/she has any problems affecting him/ her, etc? Isnt a relationship being concerned about each other's mental, physical and emotional well-being with an emphasis on the other person? Because you love him/ her, you just want him/ her to be happy being together with you.

Love is as simple as that. Love is being there for your loved one when he/she needs you or "lurking" in the shadows when he/ she can handle an issue him/herself so that if at anytime you can lend a helping hand. Love is about understanding his/ her, accepting him/her as he/ she is. Love is wanting THE OTHER PERSON to be happy and you will be contented. "I" take the backseat, "You" will get the frontseat.

Love should never be entirely about oneself.

A new beginning

• I am starting work tomorrow at my new place.
• Having butterflies in my stomach.
• Missing my old workplace (but yah it will go away soon), actually missing my colleagues lahzz.
• Feeling proud of my old workplace over the NKF saga (the only time I felt proud of its journalistic integrity).
• Wondering what to wear.
• Dreaming about my darling guy.
• Trying to clean up my room to signify ...
  

A NEW BEGINNING!

Love

I am in love.

Well, yes! I am in love with him, all over again.

Who is he? The one boy dearest to my heart; Jon.

There's this phrase of wisdom that says that it's good to fall in love all over again with your other half (OH - as my cousin terms it), as it improves your r/s & let you discover more about your OH.

I totally agree.

Though I dunno why I feel like I am falling in love with him all over again, I must say that he's one of the best things that happened to me with his peace-loving character and gentle mannerisms. Yes, he does have moods but he takes really good care of me and makes me feel like a pampered (sometimes spoilt) little princess whenever I am or not with him. Most importantly, he's stable and doesnt like to look for thrills, which means he will be faithful. (I trust so)

I am really grateful and thankful that I met him. =)

The Confrontation

What's that? Well. It does sound like a confrontation to me anyway. Haha.

He asked me to meet him for lunch on Monday as he needed to talk to me. I was unhappy that he had to show up at my office unannounced again. Awkward silence fell on us as I ate my rice burger at Mos burger, not bothering to look up or talk as I felt that everything had been clarified. He had this vindictive and reprimanding look on his face.

What he said to me made me really angry and peeved. I didnt understand why he was turning the tables on me, twisting the facts and blaming it on me. I know rejection is not easy for both parties but it has to be done. I guess he didnt understand why I dont like him either. Though I knew him 3 to 4 years ago from business school in university, I hated it when he displayed his honeyed talkative tongue, his arrogance and sense of self-fulfilling nobility.

Back then about 3 years ago, we had gone out with each other almost 2 to 3 times a month. Sometimes it would be more. I treated it as a friends' outing but later on as the outings became more and more frequent and he became more and more persistent, I started to wonder. Cos it's like if I said this week I wasnt free, he would ask about the next and nail the outing then. I felt slightly caged, I wanted to go out with other friends but I was too soft-hearted and not glib enough to reject more often.

One day I couldnt take it any longer. My thoughts went like, "Why is he asking me out so often, is there something going on?, Does he treat me as a friend or what? Is he using me just to fill up his time while he's on the lookout for other girls?" So I had to clarify our relationship and lucky I did. He said everytime he went out with me, it was just a friends' outing and not a date. I lessened my time out with him then on, thinking how dumb I was. I was just a filler for his time, really! (I even spent 1 Valentine's day having coffee and listening to him talk about avoiding his "gf" of 4 days cos he felt that he made a move on the wrong gal, love wasnt what he imagined to be).

So when he asked me what about the times he went cycling with me, what about the time I went Sentosa on his free tickets and all the other outings, I really wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him to wake up to his ideas and get his bloody facts right.

You were the one who said we were only going out as friends, nothing special about it. Get it straight. This was the common understanding we had from 2003 onwards. If your feelings changed and you started to feel that going out with me was now a date, I didnt know, you didnt tell. You assumed. It's not my fault. We had a MOU - memorandum of understanding! Dont you get it?!

We went cycling and toured Sentosa in 2003. That was 2 years back. You said your feelings changed sometime late 2004. So these events are of a DIFFERENT time period.

Ultimately, just get your facts straight.

Dont blame it on me that I have someone dear to my heart now. Dont say I led you on, I never did. I avoided going out with you 90% of the time, I turned more quiet during our conversations - you hogged them; you never took the hints.

Just piqued

Piqued. Which means I am pissed! And why so?

Well, 2 weeks ago, a guy friend asked me if he could bring our relationship further up another level as he felt it was no longer as simple as friendship itself. I wasnt shocked as I had anticipated it some 1 month ago. He just showed up at my office lobby as and when he liked and asked me out for lunch, bought me cakes at least 3 times a week (which I could grow fat on!) and called me Every night to chit chat anything and everything under the sun. When he called, I told my dad I didnt want to answer, to say I was sleeping and I purposely switched off my handphone around 8pm so he wont be able to get me if he called around 10pm or even earlier.

I didnt like this attention. It wasnt sincere, he's just doing it blindly to show me that he now treated me differently. For one, I hate nonsensical surprises. Giving me cakes so often isnt my idea of a nice Frequent surprise. It's 1 thing to love desserts but it's another thing to have it almost Everyday.

Secondly, I hate it when a guy with such motives to show up at my office in full view of my colleagues. Though they are not very kpo, but I just dont like it. Unless I bring my boyfriend to my office, I dont mind. Just dont show up unannounced. And given this guy's character, I know this guy will also try to make friends with the rest of my colleagues by saying "hello!", etc.

Sorry to say this but I shuddered at the thought of this.

I tried avoiding him a few days into his antics and he still didnt get the hints. So during the weekend I took advantage of my illness and told him that my boyfriend was taking me to see the doctor as I had flu and told him not to disturb me as I need rest. That afternoon, he tried calling me so many times, handphone, house phone, sms. I didnt pick up the phones and turned my mobile to silent mode. It was irritating to me and devastating to him but I knew I had to do it.

Then on Monday, he came to my office again and asked me to have lunch with him. I had a shock and was extremely unhappy but I went for lunch anyway and had a "confrontation" with him.

Conclusion: I told him that we had best not contact each other for the time being. It has been that way since 2 weeks ago. So far, peace has prevailed.

Crossroads

I sealed my letter gingerly on this Mon, with a tinge of trepidation. The deed is finally done! I grinned from ear to ear.

At the crossroads of my career. It's been 2 years, well just a few weeks short, that I have stepped fully into the corporate world. Dreary after 1 yr plus of same, boring routine work, I decided to leave. Yes, I am going to miss the familiar environment, the laughter of my colleagues and the non-sensical jokes we poked at each other.

Yet, ahead lies the road of freedom, all I need is my ability to soar as high as I want and as much as I want. Even if I fall, I am contented, as my future is solely and purely in my hands. Hopefully, I will not be constrained by traditional and bureaucratic practices in the new place.
On Tues, my VP called me for a chat about my work. But well. Later that morning, I handed in my letter, waiting for quite some time till my manager was free to have an uninterrupted word with her. Somehow she took it stoically and calmly, to my relief, when I told her that the letter was my resignation letter.

Then we proceeded to see the asst VP but she rejected my letter! Both my manager and my asst VP asked me to stay and consider moving to other positions as part of a learning experience. Yes, seriously I was very tempted. It's been my dream company so far, the ultimate of anyone hoping to latch onto a big local media company and build a media career. After all, size speaks volumes.

So I took back the letter and promised to give it further thought. However, the outcome would actually be the same. I really have to leave. The new opportunity is an extremely good one and if I dont leave now, I would be too tied down by other aspects of life or obligations to leave and experience new things.

So that's it. I am leaving.

1st piece of gossip

Someone encouraged me to write some gossip today. Haha. So here it goes... It's about this person at work who gets on my nerves each day. Thankfully (I hope) she's becoming more used to the work and do not bother me that much next time.
STOP.

As soon as I thought this, I was proven wrong. I could have gone off work at 6.30pm all ready and gearing but I had to stay till 6.45pm to explain to her how to do things when she's already taught. I am totally amazed. I think if I didnt help her, I would still be at work after 7pm.

Goodness.

Okie, why does she gets on my nerves? She likes to whine!! Act bimbotic and brainless and just whine and whine and whine and whine. I suspect her background in IT sales has to do something with her whining. Previously she worked with mostly guys and I guess they would do a girl's bidding but too bad, now she has to work with ALL girls. Pls, show off your independence! The second thing is probably her hubby-to-be is 10 years older than her, so she would be more pampered. Hmm... Get off my back I say.

I am only touching the surface here. In the past 2 months, there was this daily, incessant question of "Why isnt the printer printing?", "Why is the printer taking so long? How?"... Erm. First and foremost I must clarify that I am not working as Helpdesk. Secondly, we are running on network printers so definitely at times the printing will be slow! If this happens everyday, just get used to it and dont ask me DAILY why the printer is slow... What am I supposed to do? Print using my body? If it is really not working, you can also call Helpdesk!

Goodness. At times I just pretended I couldnt hear or even give this "So?", "Then?" look to her.
Sigh. People.