Today seemed like a good day to blog again, just for myself, after about 5 million years of hibernating.
Just a short update:
I no longer hold a full time job.
I am getting married in exactly 2 months time.
I am flying to US for a year in less than 5 months.
The longer version of the update:
To be exact, I'm a locum aka part-timer. Its been like this for about 1.5yrs. Ever since my last entry. That is a long time and the reason? I'm scared and lazy and confused I suppose. Scared to step out of my comfort zone. Lazy to find out more and start experimenting with things. Confused about what I really love.
I am green with envy everytime I read about people who are able to earn a living doing the things they love. The advice they give are all similar: "Do not be afraid to chase your dreams." But what if I do not have a dream? That seems to be a major problem for me. I like tonnes of things. From reading to puzzling to colouring to all things nice, sweet and cute. But what do I love? Frankly, I have no idea. And the fact that I have a short attention span doesn't seem to help either.
So to cope with the monetary demands of daily living, I continue to hold a part-time job that demands minimal effort (just requires time), and yet gives me just enough financial freedom to carry on with my current lifestyle. Although this is a situation I hope to be freed of in the shortrun. I know I cannot be a locum forever, neither do I want to be one forever. Some people may think I'm lazy for not holding a full time job at my age. Honestly, I am lazy, but my major concern is that I do not want to be doing something I have no interest in. If I'm not interested, I find it extremely difficult to put in any real effort. Everything's going to be substandard and I'm going to hate it.
Well, that basically explains it, although there are times when I feel emo about the situation. I do try to be thankful for the little things once I know I'm getting too whiney. =P
Secondly, about getting married in 2 months time, I feel so unprepared. Haha. Video montage is just starting to take shape, dozens of things left to be purchased. 5 million confirmations yet to be confirmed. When should I be doing what? I really don't know. Arrangements arrangements arrangements. To be optimistic, I believe things will sort themselves out gradually. Although I do hope 2 months is sufficient for gradual sorting. =)
Finally, about going to US for a year, people keep asking me what am I going to be doing for a whole year? Usually I keep things light hearted and say: "Nothing. I'm going to slack and nua for a year. Woooohooo!" And sometimes, I get some replies along these lines: "You should find something to do. You should make full use of the time. You should blah blah blah... " I understand fully where they are coming from and appreciate their concern for me. But this ties in with the first update. What should I do? I do think about it you know. Although some people may make me out as a bimbo. Oh wellz, but nvm since I actually don't mind that. =P
Anyway, back to the point. I do not have anything concrete in mind because I want to try everything! Its hard to make people understand where I'm coming from sometimes. Maybe its just me. And so I give up explaining. I just nod and say ok. (Its kinda like dealing with annoying customers, but with more patience since I know you better.)
All in all, having graduated from school since 2009 and officially entering the working world, it seems I have grown to understand myself better. At least now I know what I hate, I know how my patience runs low rapidly when it comes to communication with strangers but yet I can stay in front of computers and puzzles for hours trying to troubleshoot or fix up stuff. I guess I'm really an introvert and a nerd. Thinking back, if I had known all these while I was choosing a course of study, I would probably have switched to a totally different direction where I didn't need to communicate with dozens of strangers on a daily basis and trying so damn hard to be nice to those people who may sometimes be rude and annoying. But I guess this is another of those "if onlys" that I cannot help but think about during my emo days.
