i post sth on my blog using aegwynaran account

Wao long time no post again, let’s see if I can remember everything, a lot of things happened, but there’s some things I won’t write here, not that it’s not important, in fact it’s too important to write here, people who know will already know it, so I won’t write those stuff here =)

Been feeling up and down recently, lotsa things have happened that made me feel I wasn’t up to it, from now on I’ll do my best, but still there’s lotsa stuff going through my mind, not really problems, just processes, but everything will be sorted out ya. Family also having some problems with the shifting house saga. Gotta start packing soon

Will start off from where I end off the last post, sorry couldn’t get anything for Mei last Friday. Went to fetch Mei on sat with hsm, bought some food from the pas ar mal am before meeting Mei, taxi-ed back and went up to Mei’s house to finish eating before walking home. Sunday went to pick Mei up with hsm, walk walk at the pas ar mal am after Mei knocked off, Mei and kor drank coconut until drunk huh..took mrt back. Found out hsm math or understanding failed miserably…

Monday Mei went to another location to work, Aik ido on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Mom return from overseas on Wednesday. Thursday had driving in the afternoon, Pei-ed Mei to work, ate breakfast then went to drive, nearly kena accident while driving!! Went to meet Mei for lunch after driving causes something cropped up, and over lunch learnt another thing, then in the evening missed a sms, pretty bad day today, screwed up so many times, and made mei angry also =( felt really bad..sorry. Skipped aik ido again on Thursday, went out for a late supper, came home and chat with Mei, thanks Mei =)

Friday went to lunch with Mei’s family, though hsm wasn’t around cause of work. The planned place to eat was closed, then went to eat beef noodles, and ice ka chang, heh, auntie ate ro ti pra ta =D oh and sorry one moment I lean on the table and the table tilted, sorry. Went to shop abit with Mei after that, then went up to chat a little, and see Mei do her nails, helped Mei with her right hand little finger, and did the nail on my right thumb, now still on =P had Aik ido, so many people teaching Mei huh, kinda got pissed near the end of class, hsm told me not to le, will try to change that ba. Totally didn’t catch what happened during ko kyu ho, according to hsm. Didn’t accompany Mei home after class, her family did, went to my friend’s cha let, thought there’s no food left, but my keen sense of smelling and hunger lead me to food!! Went home pretty late, and slept late too

Went grandma’s house for dinner on Saturday, went to fetch Mei after that, hsm wanted to get a purse for Mei, so I contributed a little, hope Mei likes the wallet, was your sis’ idea. Taxi-ed to east hub to watch g force, taxi-ed back to Mei’s house after movie, kinda had a little accident inside the cab, hsm and her scary hands huh. Walked home after that, sorry I spoilt the mood for that day, Mei sacrificed so much to stay up late, and I had to spoil it. Sorry.

Pause here, gonna get ready for Aik ido =) continue when I get home, or tomorrow if can’t get to use the com.

Ok back, on Sunday, had kid’s grading in the morning, again..screwed up..so sorry. Went to the it fair in the evening, wanted to get something for Mei, in the end didn’t find what I wanted, sorry, but helped my mom and bro get some stuff.

Had Aik ido on Monday and just now, Monday was very tiring, to the point I almost couldn’t take it, almost like grading the feeling. Tuesday was so stressful, to the point I almost got angry. Something’s wrong with me this few weeks..probably once school starts everyone will get less of my nonsense. Didn’t eat dinner just now, gonna eat bread later, hope Mei not angry, had the mood to write in the afternoon, but now no mood le, sorry. Hope Mei not hungry also

Think I’ve been asking too much of the impossible from Mei recently too, think after too many people treat Mei nice, you’ll feel you need to make up to them, just like today, felt bad after not finishing your meal. Made kor worry and say something stupid again. Maybe kor think too much again or what, but make up to them first alright, one less person makes a big difference ya, nevermind about kor, hopefully after this way Mei can make up to them faster, then Mei won’t feel so bad anymore. Kor’s just here to support Mei ok, even if its supporting Mei support other people =) 2 things in the end, and kor will be happy le, Mei happy, and kor don’t make any stupid mistakes. Sorry for the times kor made you angry, pissed, annoyed or anything. Thanks for all the times Mei picked kor up from the ground and put me back together again

And to hsm, anything can tell me de huh, like got something like a gap between us, you need to join back Aik ido..

Long time no post again, gonna post backwards for today.

Last Tuesday had aikido, usual, kena bullied by the kids. Sorry never buy coffee that day. Wednesday had driving and Aik ido, also fetched Mei to clinic today. And what’s the talk about disappointment, kor’s been the disappointment the past days..Mei finished exams on Thursday, finally!! Holidays le =) but work start also. Friday had Aik ido, quite a few things happened today, but everything and everyone else end well and happy, so nevermind about all those. Watched the proposal and half of twilight later at Mei’s house.

Saturday went to dinner at aunt’s, Sunday was havoc, initial plans canceled, last minute decided to go out with my friends, in the end waste time, in the end couldn’t chat with Mei, sorry!

Monday had Aik ido, Tuesday and Wednesday too. Pei-ed Mei to work on Tuesday and Wednesday, had driving on Wednesday and Thursday, the instructor said I don’t need so many lessons, I should be good for test already, so will be selling off one of my lessons. Mom went to m’sia on Thursday, evening went to fetch Mei from work, got a few strong feedback..then felt out of sorts after that..but same thing, everything and everyone else ended well and happy so move on. Mei’s feet seemed to be in a lot of pain, hope can recover fast, well Mei can’t come to Aik ido today, and need to go back to work during weekends. Think there’s nothing else I should write, feeling half confident for the driving test, 2 of my friends who went for the manual test have failed, another friend will be taking the manual driving test..hope he passes, so I can relax a little.

Ya, walking home yesterday, I learnt something, ok 2 things, one, don’t walk home if I need the toilet..hahaha. the other thing, can be considered a defining moment. It’s starting to be hard again, but its nothing new to me ya. Well I’ve let so many things out recently, now it’s time to start collecting again =)

Hope Mei recovers soon, kor decide not to visit after class ya, but before, kor go buy ben and jerries for Mei =)

Labels: its so hard to smile when i know its not genuine

Mei studying now. Thanks for listening to kor yesterday =) so sorry, kor know it’s the exam period, still keep bothering you on msn, little messages here and there, but I’m sure they break Mei’s concentration. And Mei still had to listen to kor whine about stuff. Sorry Mei

Had driving in the afternoon today, did quite well, mock test for next lesson, think the remaining lessons are a little screwed up, I’m now short of 2 lessons..plus the 2 weeks before test date I only have one lesson, hope I won’t lose the momentum

Could’ve gone to church with Mei’s family on Sunday but didn’t =( will wait for another time

Went to my cousin’s birthday celebration on Saturday, so funny, aunt keep tell me to go with her to check out cousin’s female classmates. Joined Mei’s family in the evening at town, took a stroll around town. Had a great time =) the mango dessert was really nice, thanks! And the smelly tofu at old coffee shop, let's just say duing kid's class on sunday, the smell still lingered in my mouth =P haha

Mei had exam on Friday, congrats on finding the paper easy ya =) had training in the evening as usual, no contact with Mei at all, error in judgement..high school work came to meet us and we walked back together, Mei and I wearing gi. First experience of that for me, it was really fun. Mei don’t feel bad for that idea k =) it wasn’t a solo venture k

Hmm can’t remember what I did on Thursday… didn’t go for training today

Had driving in the afternoon, training in the evening too, Wednesday

Tuesday, fetched Mei to clinic, then fetched Mei from clinic, stayed at Mei’s house till driving in the evening, drove auto today, really easy. And thanks Mei, for accompanying kor to get the present =) would have gotten some stupid cheap thing if not for Mei’s professional advice

Gonna whine a little over here..was unsure if I can cope with what’s coming up, gotta help with shifting house, close to driving test date too, and school prep, seems like nothing yea, but don’t know why I’m daunted by it. Today, came back and my mom was in a bad mood, cause bro told her he wanted to shift out, wanted to rent a room somewhere, talked to her and I’m glad she’s feeling much lifted now.
And a quote from my mom “see la, who ask you don’t want to get a laptop” I will get one!! Some day..

Good luck for the last 3 days of exams Mei, kor can’t do much, all kor can do is just wish you all the best and offer moral support, and don’t disturb you on msn =P

Labels: 68% woke up to a nightmare...

Back to blogging after almost 2 weeks of absence =) the absence means a good thing huh, cos it means that I’ve ironed out most of the issues I have in my mind, so I’m blogging now more or less what I’ve been doing.

Had an Aik ido outing, planning for it caused Mei and her sis to argue a little, felt bad over that but everything’s ok now. But really the planning for the outing was pretty bad. So stupid to make me the organizer but make all the decisions and leave only the time to meet for me to decide when I definitely will be late. Was shocked when I saw aud and dap, dressed in a totally different league from the guys. Surprising they came too, when I asked aud said wait till old level exams over, in the end jor dan asked and they came. Played pool, played really well I think, chose a really good cue ma, Mei would be traumatized, but if Mei came we would be teaming up, so should be wont traumatized =P in the end the girls went home earlier and jor dan followed them, only to call us to join us for dinner later. Met jov ian and watched him disgrace himself by talking crap about sen seis

Mei came to practice on Tuesday’s class, again, low profile gone..haha. Accompanied Mei home and had dinner over at Mei’s house. Had driving on Wednesday and Thursday. This week had 6 days straight of Aik ido. Met up with Mei and her sis at star bucks and hung out for awhile. Went out with my ar my friends on nat ional day, watched g eye joe, and the Korean is really handsome luh, and I’m straight!! Monday Mei went to study with az izul at air port. And high school paranoid panicked. Went to my grandma’s for dinner, and got scolded for something undeservingly

Mei have to give Aik ido a skip on Tuesday due to being unwell. Had to go hospital on Wednesday with my Mom in the morning, then had driving in the afternoon and on Thursday. On Thursday I got scolding again, and this time, I felt it was really unfair, but I can tolerate anything as long as it helps my parents communicate with my bro. Went to Aik ido earlier on Friday to teach Mei a couple of things, dunno if I taught well, but if got any questions can always ask kor ya =) didn’t accompany Mei home after class due to my poor decision. But next week is a promise =) if Mei can take a break from studying for exams. Went to my friend’s cha let for awhile then went back home about 2am

Saturday!! Who would have known today would be such a fun, exciting, nervous plus many more words day =D initially planned to go sun tec to see some exhibition and have chocolate fon due!! But we topped up the day with lots and lotsa shopping, or window shopping and trying things out and eating! And I just realized I did all the trying, next time Mei’s turn to be the focal point =P tummy had a queasy feeling whenever I went into a changing room, and the service people outside makes me really nervous. But I think the next time should be a lot better =D cabbed to Mei’s home to have dinner, really sorry that Mei and high school high heels went home so late because of me, hope your parents aren’t too unhappy with me for keeping you two out so late. After eating went to find some hair styling tips on the net. But fashion has always been a not very strong point of mine, so its gonna take a lot of effort to change that. But in all, today was really a great day =) appreciate Mei coming out even though you haven’t recovered. Sunday was cool down day =P haha. Having Aik ido later, skipping tomorrow’s class due to the auto driving lesson

Very long ago I took an oath to never have a relationship again in Aik ido, and I’ve been discouraging everyone. But now I realized I cannot enforce my oath on everyone, so can say now I’m closing my eye to that already. There are a couple other reasons too, but all personal ones, will write another day

Gonna end here, wish Mei a fast recovery, and all the best with Mei’s exam preparation. And all those receiving their old level M T results on Wednesday, good luck =)

Labels: as boys get older, their toys get more expensive

Had some problems but they’re all ironed out after yesterday and today =)

Received some edibles from aud rey on Tuesday, really nice and sweet of her, now the cake finished eating already, cookies still have a few =) thanks aud rey. Controversial day also, I’m still not sure which girl Sen sei was talking about.. Wednesday had class too, Sen seis told me something today, left me thinking quite abit. Thursday went down to city to repair my p s p. Friday went to s I m to hand in some documents, after that went to meet Mei, played pool, bused back, was really fun, thanks for taking the time out to be with kor =) even though you weren’t feeling well, best Mei ever!! Had class in the evening, kena poke in the eye, Mei too, haha like kor like Mei huh =P had a little ji yu, long since I last had a jiyu, and with 2 u ke..didn’t do too well I guess, but dap hne said one of the moves I did was very nice =D hahaha. After class kinda let my mood drop, so sorry for that. But went back with Mei, ate dinner at their house, potato was good =) after that took a long walk home, slept pretty late cos I was chatting with dap hne, hahaha, she told me her story, and I told her mine, about guys…and other things too

Ok end here, going to grandma’s place for dinner tonight =)

Long time never post =) really feel lots better now, after having long chats with dap hne on msn and sms-ing Audrey. Nice people really =) Mom and bro went to Tai wan for holiday, but will be coming back today. After a long time of not posting I kinda can’t remember what went on the past week, so I’ll write backwards =P

Went out with my ex i t e classmates after usual Sunday class, Saturday had dinner at Mei’s house with her family before going to i kea and giant for some shopping, her mom’s cooking is really good =) ate ben & jer ries too!! Nice!! Saw Mei kena slam on Friday, hope your hand’s ok, went very early to do warm up, cause no one around, at the end of class sen sei said my energy level very bad that day.. =( Thursday, met high school drop chicken on the floor after driving lesson, walked at tam one for awhile before going Mei’s house to watch M J’s concert video and dinner. Oh I also read a few pages from the last hairy pot ter book, Sna pe’s a good guy!! Yay =D had Aik ido on Wednesday, Tuesday and Monday, driving on Tuesday

Would like to end by saying thanks to Aud rey and Dap hne =) but I doubt both will see this =P, one will get bored after reading the first passage, the other don’t have my blog link. Alright, Aik ido later!!

Happy things first!! I passed my f t t, thanks to e trial and not the books I bought…now just hope my instructor books for me an earlier test date. Another thing is Mei and high school cockroach leg returned to Aik ido =) Mei’s performance and standard in class was superb in every aspect, tweak a little here and there and there’s nothing to worry about already. Went to my grandma’s house and borrowed the first 4 hairy pot ter movies, then went to giant to shop.

This part is a little long and boring, might also be a little hard to comprehend, and I might have missed out some stuff. Basically what’s below is just a portion of my mind and its attempt to make myself feel better, its ok to read but don’t let it get to you, its like dark arts…

Sorry Mei, wasn’t able to join you and your family. Should have told you I already went back home, but like I said, owe you one outing =) I’m also sorry that I watch hairy pot ter beforehand, maybe you will think its just a small thing but I feel I was a letdown, maybe when you all read this there maybe some consequences, but I don’t think so, since it’s a one way thing. You all know my mind can travel very far, can think of a lot of things (you guys won’t believe how much my mind can come up with..), and recently something happened and I thought a gap was beginning to form between us, and this led to some of the really lousy mood and posts recently (But after seeing you all the other day, I realized everyone and everything was normal, and it was just me, everything negative was just myself) so to high school cockroach leg, it was why the other day I decided to go home, cause I didn’t want to burden anyone with my own stupid problems. I realize that wasn’t the best decision but I was thinking a lot about it and I thought it was the most conflict-avoiding option. But I wanna assure you all that everything is ok by the time you all read this, talking about problems sometimes solves the problem, and I had a nice talk with myself, that’s why I’m writing all this here, to let people who would like to know what’s going on inside of me, know what’s going on. Cause I believe I seldom let my emotions flow out, so not many have seen me sad or angry or whatever. And then I’d probably be wondering why no one talks to me about my problems..stupid eh. But the other day high school cockroach leg wrote something about guys having emotions or getting emotional like girls. And the more I thought about it, the more it stung me, cause I felt that it applied to me as well, rather stupid of me huh, to hide up almost every emotion I have, yet let it leak out like a broken tap. So in other words the problem is emotions, and it makes one weak, I’ve really become very interested with Sna pe’s character, I should learn to become cold just like him perhaps. But enough of that for today, the reason why I said sorry for watching hairy pot ter is simply because I lost abit of faith, its really stupid that’s why I have to say sorry, and sorry most probably wouldn’t be enough. This kinda mistakes, is really so bad I can’t think of any ways of repent..i’m really just so sorry sometimes, guess it’s a slight burden for Jo ey to have such a kor also..and forgot to write, was eating the other day and this girl just kept going on about being chinese and wasting food, fair enough i have nothing to say about my chinese, i just sucks, so i hope she's really happy about it, and about the wasting food part, that one is pretty deep, it doesn't matter what food i have, i always try to finish what's on my plate or in my bowl. So to have a comment like that directed to me left me a little sad. And i'm gonna "talk" to the 2 tubes of lard for an unforgivable remark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm, have to stop here, because I was writing everything out, trying to put them in an order whereby its more easy to understand, then I started filling in some things and finally, my mind got lost in its wonderfully big maze. But just to sum up, maybe I’m a letdown, and I feel I’m one, and maybe its left a mark behind, I wanna let you know that it wasn’t intentional, I’ll definitely right as many of my wrongs and I’m really trying hard to be better also. And I can never say sorry enough for what wrong I’ve done, but I wish you can all forgive me. Better days ahead ok?? =)ok, forgot to write, if Mei wanna watch hairy pot ter kor wouldn't mind watching again de, i mean unless Mei not gonna watch with other friends

Labels: maybe i'm a freak like MJ

How do you stop, something from happening, when it is happening?? I’m already trying not to think about it, but why did I have to have that dream, its already hard as it is. I think its apparent that I’ve been doing wrong all the time, that all the things just leads to this, then it was a doomed journey from the start isn’t it? Its really depressing now, I don’t know this, don’t understand that, I really have to believe I’m stupid, foolish and naive all along. Mistakes after mistakes after mistakes. And its getting really hard, to keep pretending everything’s ok, keep that smile on my face, and to even focus well during Aik ido, the hardest part I guess would be not having someone to talk to, that’s why I’m blogging, maybe I will feel better after this. The feeling is like being very sick, then taking drugs every now and then to ease the pain, but ultimately, its killing me slowly…………………………………………….

Switch topics, I suddenly garnered a lot of interest for hairy pot ter!! After watching the show on tv, I found it really interesting. I remember watching the movies in the cinema and thinking they were bad. I think hairy pot ter isn’t for kids maybe?? Hahaha, cause the older I get the more engrossed I get in the story, still don’t really understand much of it but I really like the black wizard character, I used to think his name was Silvery Snake… haha. A very intriguing character, sometimes nice, bad, evil.. and emotions, he seldom show any, plus his wizard cloths are really nice!! Nicer than that Bubbledoor guy =P haha. That Snap e guy is really really cool, and maybe I find hairy pot ter interesting cos of him, should learn to be like him, no matter he’s a baddy or goody.

Now just hope after all this I still can pass my f t t!!

Labels: i'm not immune to it