Fixture: Chorlton's Big Green Festival

CHORLTON'S BIG GREEN FESTIVAL IS THIS SATURDAY (4 April)
11am-11pm ST CLEMENT'S

Visit the website for the full fabulous line-up and event programme
www.greenchorlton.org.uk

Word: jangle

I am so terribly highbrow, last week I went to see a production of A Midsummer's Night's Dream by a certain Mr William Shakespeare.
It was put on at St Werbergh's Hall by the Chorlton Players, who are ace (and to make them even better, you can get lashed on cheap tinnies while you enjoy the performance - Chorlton churches are brilliantly liberal).
One might be forgiven for thinking the Bard is a little ambitious for an am dram group, but the CPs pulled it off admirably, and the Rude Mechanicals and Puck were particularly good. Even the music and costumes were fab (The Lowry take note - those lousy Emerald City outfits in The Wizard of Oz at Christmas were shocking).

Anyway, less of the review, we're here to talk about words...
I noticed the use of the word "jangling" when Lysander and his love rival were squaring up to each other. In the context of WS's wonderful rhyming couplets, jangle means fight.
I've also heard jangle to describe a kind of sound; it's onomatopoeic, innit?

When my mum talks about jangling, however, she's talking about chatting, often in a gossipy manner. For example, "I was having a jangle with Beryl..."
My mum jangles a lot, but she doesn't fight. Not very often, anyway.

Breaking news: blogs'n'tweets

My friend in the rainy city has kindly flagged up my blog on her blog. It's like there's a community thang going on!

Here's the link:

The Manchizzle: New Blogs: The Painterly Edition

Oh, and I twitter now too, like a twat. My first twit/twat/tweet had a spelling mistake in it, so that was a good entry to the twittering classes. Hahahahahahaha!

I've also been twittered, if that's the word. (Note to self: learn the terminology so you is down with da kids.) @technicalfault put me on #FollowFriday after I went to #piemob at lunchtime. Look at me, I'm so kin 21st century.

Misfit: battle stations

The United Nations has been compared to Battlestar Galactica. I even heard Whoopi Goldberg on the radio giving a speech (in which, among other things, she praised the UN's efforts in curtain selection).

This from the UN website:
17 March 2009 – The United Nations is co-hosting a discussion with the stars and creators of the television show Battlestar Galactica today, exploring themes which are important to both – human rights, terrorism, children and armed conflict, and reconciliation between civilians and faiths.
See http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=30217&Cr=television&Cr1= for more.

Does anyone else find this all a bit, like, WEIRD?

Mistake: tomorrow's another day

Well, if you're scared of putting in grocer's apostrophes (see 3 March entry), one solution is to just not use apostrophes at all. Here we have Exhibit A, from an A-board on this morning's travels:

TODAYS LIVE SPORTS

Still, perhaps Lava bar are fans of Frank Sinatra, specifically his song All My Tomorrows, and they just got confused (all those punctuation marks - whaddya expect?).
Take it away, Frank...

Today I may not have a thing at all
Except for just a dream or two
But I've got lots of plans for tomorrow
And all my tomorrows belong to you

Mis-shape: marble effect #3

Bru sent through some of his artwork, so I'm posting a selection here for everyone to enjoy.






Contact Bruce Thompson for more info, or if you need any groovy art, 3D modelling, architectural design plans etc: bt_54@hotmail.com

Fixtures: smells of south Manchester

Not all of these are fixtures.
Some are permanent; some come and go; some just appear in a whiff and are lost for ever.
Not all of them are pleasant, either.
The smells documented here are smells smelt in the last two weeks.

Fermenting hops - brewery, Moss Side
BO - The Friendship Inn, Fallowfield
Jam - Old Trafford
More jam - Whalley Range
Coal fires - across south Manchester
Cow shit - Upper Chorlton Road, Whalley Range
Bonfire - Manchester Road, Chorlton
Plastic/new car - City Road, edge of city centre
Fish and chips - The Baths Supper Bar, Manchester Road
Chinese takeaway food - Fallowfield Loop cycle path
Aircraft fuel - Arndale, city centre
Gas - Chorlton Road, Hulme
Creosote (my favourite smell, all those lovely toxins) - UCR, Whalley Range
Honey-scented blossom - corner of Augustus Way, Hulme
Burning rubber - City Road, edge of city centre
Daffodils - my front room
More gas - Macauley Avenue, Old Trafford
Shower gel - Manchester Road, Chorlton
Bubble bath - Beech Road, Chorlton
Cooked chicken - The Bar, Chorlton
Grease - Argyles, Chorlton
Curry - Seymour Grove, Old Trafford
Aftershave - the footbridge over the Mancunion Way, Hulme
Hot cross buns - Arndale, city centre
Raspberries - The Bridgewater Hall, city centre
New books - WH Smith, city centre
Sewage - Barton Bridge, Urmston
Horse shit - Upper Chorlton Road, Whalley Range
Cooked chicken - The Bar, Chorlton
Stale beer - Electrik, Chorlton
Fried onions - Midland Hotel, city centre
Dope - Cross Street, city centre
Perfume - Deansgate, city centre
Spray paint - car repair workshop, City Road, edge of city centre
More spray paint - graffiti artists at the Archimedes Screw, Chorlton Ees
Fried bacon - Cross Street, city centre
Mustiness - Arndale Centre, city centre
Old books - Chorlton Library
Drains - City Road, edge of city centre

Words: X-ray vision

I'm in weekend spirit, so here's a joke.
It was on the Adam & Joe Show on BBC 6 Music (I've always loved Adam & Joe, by the way; they is great!).
Here goes...

Who's the coolest person in a hospital?
The ultrasound guy.

Mistake: mum's the word

It's Mother's Day this weekend, or Mothering Sunday, as my nan used to call it.
As if you needed reminding, don't forget to do something nice for your mum.
Argyles in Chorlton have a little offer on: mum's eat free!
Perhaps mums eat free, too.

Mis-shape; misfit: surreal

Went to the Whitworth Art Gallery surrealism exhibition, Subversive Spaces.

It's very good, with lots of different artists (many hitherto unknown to me, despite an ongoing passing interest in the genre), lots of different media, lots of different ideas and lots of different pitch-black rooms with heavy canvas curtains that are hiding dark secrets unknown, and probably a film or two.

Actually, I did venture behind one of the drapes and saw some short films with a man, a drumstick and various railings around London - it was quite mesmerising and trancey, and I liked the man's cigar-smoking (I bet he's French).

I recommend the exhibition; it's very good and delves into the different obsessions of surrealism (which doesn't take an initial cap, according to Collins).

Here's my own take on exploring subversiveness, experiencing unusual spaces and perhaps even exploiting hysteria.

Words: jargonicity

The Local Government Association has released a missive today, "urging" the public sector to ditch jargon to communicate more effectively with people during the recession (why just during the recession? Does having no money make us more stupid?).

There are the usual suspects: bottom up, top down, capacity building, blue sky thinking, fast track, can-do culture, level playing field, scanning the horizon etc, but there are also some absolute gems, including:

Tested for soundness ­
Predictors of beaconicity
Provider vehicles

If you want more fabulous words to slip into conversation, read the full list of 200 at www.lga.gov.uk/lga/core/page.do?pageId=1716341

Fixture: St Patrick's Day

It's St Patrick's Day, to be sure.
To celebrate, we're having Irish Stew for tea and talking in silly accents about leprechauns.

Misfit: marble effect #2

When I lost my marbles outside Marks & Spencer (see entry on 5 March), I hadn't been the first.

I actually found the aforementioned marbles on the dual carriageway in Hulme. There were loads of them: on both sides of the road, on the central reservation, in the gutter, up on the pavement, everywhere.

I just wonder how they ended up scattered like that: a tragic accident, a science experiment, an act of terrorism, an art project?

Fixture: Friday the 13th, again!

It's Friday the 13th, again!
That's two months in a row - is that allowed?

(You notice, dear reader, that I haven't Blogged all week, and now there appear two blogs in one day. Just like bloody buses, eh?)

Word: human landmark

I heard someone on tut radio t'other day talking about human landmarks - people you see at certain places and at certain times every day, eg on your way to work.
As a cyclist, I have a few human landmarks on my cycle route (pronounced "rowt", like owt and nowt, by my New American Friend [NAF], Jeff).
1) The girl who doesn't know how to use gears. Sways about all over the place. Very slow. Badly equipped. Lights don't work properly. Generally crap. 0/10
2) Mr Camouflage with the foldy bike. Wears a camouflage coat and camouflage trousers with a slightly different pattern (both, however, are the desert meets greenery camo style). If he wasn't in the urban jungle, perhaps he might even be incognito. 10/10 for effort (and speed - boy, those Bromptons kick ass!)
3) Courier dude. Rides a white racer. Has a courier bag. Wears half-mast pants. Digs tattoos. Never puts his feet down (you know the sort - dicking about at traffic lights). Rides fast on the pavement and very annoyingly jumps off the kerb into the road right in front of me and Celia. I don't even think he's a courier, the cock. 0/10

Misfit: no trophies in Oxford

Oh dear, oh dear.
We all thought Manchester Uni had been beaten by Trimble et al in the University Challenge final (see 24 February post), but it has since transpired that one of the Corpus Christi contestants was actually not eligible to take part in the competition so the Oxford team has been pilloried in the press and stripped of its beautiful be-silvered prize so graciously accepted from poet Wendy Cope (who isn't my former English teacher, dammit).
That means Manch take the title and the trophy - hurrah to them!
Pints of watered-down Boddies all round in the Serpent!

Misfit: marble effect

Last week, I lost my marbles outside M&S.
They were kept in the delightful tartan carrier on the back of Celia.
Three were recovered; the rest? Who knows.
Perhaps some other lucky person is having a game right now!

Mistakes: rapper's delight

Down at the grocers, I noticed another fantastic sign:
cypress spinich
So, that's cypress like the tree or indeed the Hill (which gives a new slant to insane in the [plant] membrane) combined with write-it-like-you-say-it spinich. Ace!
(For those of you confused, it should be Cyprus spinach, kids.)

Fixture: sign language

I'm in my third week as Editorial Officer at the Equality and Human Rights Commission, and I'm (hopefully) finally getting to grips with house style. I noticed on the style sheet mention of grocer's apostrophes, which are those random punctuation marks people just love sticking in words for the hell of it, you know like apple's 5 for £1 on a greengrocer's sign.
Our local grocer sometimes has some good signs on his fruit and veg. My favourite (although I noticed recently that someone has been at it with a marker pen) is his Coxy's apples. I always buy them - they sound so friendly.

Word: nose your place

Helen taught me a new word: nebbing (noun) nosiness; to neb (verb) to be nosy; neb (noun) nose.
Usage: Stop yer nebbin' : kindly remove your nose from my business.