This semester sucks

I don't think I can handle stress very well.. :/
Everytime I'm stressed out  I just start crying. And everytime I slip I get even more stressed out and can't do good on exams..... This is so bad :/

Pressure just keeps piling on me.

A Big Impact

Yesterday was a really bad day. Was trying really hard to hold back tears after the exam. Then when I got back home couldn't hold it in anymore :/

Compared answers with K & M and found out that I got so many wrong. I was just so disappointed... I studied so hard but yet I did so terrible. If I can get the same results as when  I didn't study as hard, then why am I wasting my energy? What went wrong? Why couldn't I get the grades I want?

Tbh, I still don't know why haha. I wasn't thinking right. Analyzing what questions I got wrong, I wasn't thinking right :/ If I thought more I would've gotten the right question. Yeaah jw, I need to clear my mind before exams..


It's okay. Learn from mistakes. This is a big impact on me. I'm ready to bounce back up again.

Can't be happy because K is sad. I feel so bad. How did he do worse than me on the exam...

I don't know what's wrong, we're studying so much harder than last year. But there's no fruits to our labour :(
And what's making me feel even worse is that I'm doing better than him. Because he's so much more smarter than me, and he's helping me so much more.. I feel like I'm making him dumb lol.

But we definitely need more sleep.. Had like 5 hrs sleep a day the past week. He had like 4... wtf man. School is draining all of our energy. Can't carry on like this.

My expectations are As and A-s this sem. But so far, it's been way below that... even though I'm trying to study hard ): I'm still not doing well like I should be...

Wrote 2 exams this week, don't think I did very well... sigh. So frustrating when expectations are not met.

Blank

Sometimes, there's so much going on in my head but I just can't put them into words.
Not quite sure, it's a mixture of everything that happened and I can't seem to organize them.

Isn't it sad, how you were so close to a friend and then now you guys are strangers. We used to do everything together lol. And then now I don't hear a single word from you. But somehow, I know our friendship won't be like before -- it's different already... Sometimes I miss talking to you and the random days when I'd just feel like chilling at your house. I'd walk over because you live so near to me. Then I think about how cold you were to me, and snap back to reality that you don't see me as your friend anymore.

On another note, Kevin is amazing. He is honestly the sweetest guy ever. He treats me like I'm the most important person in the world. I'm thankful that we met. This Saturday will be our 7th monthsvary :)
Thankful for everything I have right now.

Cold blooded

I've changed, for sure. I've became more cold-blooded. I stopped caring as much as I did before, in general. Like in terms of relationship,

I've understood the fact that people leave. Just like J and H. They're not part of my life anymore. Even if I try to talk to H again, it's just not the same. We've both moved on. And we both like how our lives are right now.

Today Charmy left us. She's going back to HK for good. As I see her shedding tears at the airport, I feel sad that a good friend is leaving, but I didn't cry. I know I'll see her again the future, albeit it might not be soon. I think I didn't cry because I got used to people leaving. I'm not being negative, I've just grown tired of crying. No point crying for her departure. Since J, I feel like nothing can hurt me anymore (so dramatic lolol) because I've been through the worst. Hahahaha I've become more cold blooded.

I still care a lot for the important people around me. But I think more open-mindedly now? Like I can accept the fact that people always leave....

Weaak.

I need to learn to say no. Or make decisions for myself.
I let my friends decide everything too easily, just going with the flow. And in some ways, that's bad. Because I'm like a weak person who can't speak out.



Summer is supposed to be relaxing, chilling. But it isn't for Kevin and I don't know how to help. Don't know how to relieve his stress......

Negative

To think that everything is temporary... is kinda depressing.

There are different kinds of friends. There's those that you know would stay by your side forever. (Like my msian friends!). There's those that you never know when they might leave. (Almost all my friends in Canada I guess).

People come and go :/

I like how things are right now I don't ever want it to change T__T

My instincts were right. How I wish I was wrong.

It's coming..... soooon. I can see it already.

Siannnn.

I want something exciting to happen in my life.

Right now it's so monotonous.... :(

Neither here nor there.

You don't understandddddd.

Keener.

I'm so competitive these days it's not funny anymore.

I'm such a keener WTF. If I don't get at least 90% on assignments or quizzes I get so mad/disappointed/frustrated. Those are easy scores that I can get so if I don't do well I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad. & I hate it when people don't understand why I care about my grades so much. Like, go away please.

I think I found a study buddy though. Maybe 2. They seem focused. Good people to study with :)

Ahhhhh.........

Something doesn't feel right.

Soooooo I'm not friends with Jay anymore. But Heena still is good friends with him. And like we all have mutual friends. So Heena can't hang out with them because I'm there and it'll make things awkward..... I know she wants to hang out with them but she also doesn't wanna ditch me. Feels like she's in a hard position T__T And these days I have my own group of friends too that Heena doesn't hang out with. What I realized, koreans will def chill with koreans and chinese with chinese. You always go back to your roots no matter what....

And just feels like we're drifting apart...... sad. Even more sad because I can't do anything. Not like I can hang out with Heena & those korean people and Jay, it'll be way too awkward. Sad.

Looking at pics on fb doesn't help either. I have that 'I-used-to-be-there' feeling :/ Except I can't anymore. Wonder if Jay and I will ever be friends again.

Zzzzzz

Does it ever happen to you? At night when you think about what you did/say earlier in the day and start wondering 'WTF why did i do/say that?!?!' and then regretting it.

Goddddddddd, it's happening to me right now. Zzz why did I do that?!
It's probably no big deal, and that I'm overreacting. But omg I wished I totally didn't do that. x(

Ever wondered what it's like 10 years later?

Everyone would probably have a job by then, leading a (maybe) successful life. Maybe do something else from what they have planned. And what would those academically inclinde people do? Or those that didn't do so well in school?

Hahahaaaa interesting.

Okay I lied.

I went out yesterday... again lol. Had dinner at this korean restaurant with a group of friends. Went to get bubbletea after. And then all of us went to a friend's house. And I got home at 11pm ish.

So much for not going out late :D

It was so much fun though! There were 11 of us whooooo. Been a long time since I chilled with such a big group of people. Laughed so much till my tummy aches. My life is awesome (Y).

Should probably stop because oh god I owe people so much money... I'm digging a hole in my pocket ahhh need to stop spending money :/

Moving fast....

School is moving fast I feel so unprepared for everything T_____T


Hahaha, first English 'essay' today. I feel like such a lousy writer LMAO I feel so disgusted with my own writing I didn't wanna look at it and just handed it in... But I don't know how to improve my writing :( Suggestions? I know reading books help.. but I don't have time for that now x(

So far, I love all of my profs! Ochem and chem look interesting :) Eng prof is so chill, she doesn't seem like she cares! = Easy grade. Not for Stats. Omgoodness I wanna cry when I look at my prof's notes... -_- It's horrible. I wanna switch out of that class.. But nobody seems to be switching out of other classes so I can't do that.

Loving schoooooooool wheee.

No Regrets

Katie (Jay's sister) uploaded pics from their trip to Hawaii on fb.

Looking at those pics, looking at Jay, made me realized that I have no regrets. No regrets breaking up LOL. Ok to be fair, no regrets starting the rs either.

Sure it's a beautiful memory to me, but I'm glad we broke up, like really glad. I'm so happy with my current life right now :) Can't ask for more! I honestly don't remember being this happy when I was in a rs with him LMAO!

And he looks happy too! Genuinely happy :) Haha guess it's a win-win situation here!

Dread

Back to school tmr :(

No more watching movies late at night ahhhhh no more sleeping in till 1pm ahhhh
No more playing sc till 5am ahhhhh
No more wasting time doing nothing.

In a way, going back to school is good because I'll actually do something useful haha. But just doing nothing feels nice too. Lying on my bed, listening to music, spacing out.

I like!

Ying complains that my blog has no pictures haha.



Today was a good day!!! Went out with my best buddy Heenaaaaaa :D I dunno, hanging out with her just make me realize how much I like her (as a friend!). We always have so much to talk about haahah. On and on :)

I also realized that I really like going out at night :/ I lovee the atmosphere at night. We went to Whyte Ave and it was soooo pretty. All the decorations on the streets, lights on trees etc. I like it hahah. I like hanging out with friends at night then going home late :/ But don't worry, not many of my friends do that so I probably won't do it often! If I have a car though, I'd definitely go out for a drive with friends and get bubbletea or frozen yogurt. I don't mind driving my friends :p I like driving!

Did my nails yesterday night cause I was bored keke.

Hope things stay this way for a long time! Because I'm really happy :)

Crap

Downloaded maple and gunbound and played with Kev.

And feeling so crappy after sitting down in front of my laptop for long hours. Body just feels so... weird.

Makes me wonder how I used to play all those games everyday non stop for 10 hours a day during holidays. What the heckkkk.....

Hahahahah

This is bad hahahaha.

Oh well, I'll see how it goes (:

Life changing

2011 was a great year, everyone agrees! :D
So many things happened in 2011. I made mistakes, learned a lot, and grew to be more mature.



For the 3/4 of the year, I was occupied with this relationship haha. Spent most of my time being emotionally challenged lol. Some days were good, some days were bad. But I don't regret having this relationship at all because I gained some valuable lessons from it :) Will always treasure it in my heart. Thank you Jay!



And then I graduated from high school! Graduation was overrated. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. But hey, 3 years (2 years for me xD) of high school finally done. I made new friends in high school. Some come and go, some stick together. I made some great friends in high school though, love em!


& one of them is Heenaaaaa! She's sticked through thick and thin with me. Love herrr haha she's always there for me. I know I can crash at her house anytime because we're just such good friends! :D

Then it was Summer and I went back to Malaysia. Fun 6 weeks I had in Malaysia (even though I was constantly worried about stupid Jay thing, it was still fun). Got to meet up with my lovely friendssss!

And my lovely cousins!!! Catching up with everyone was so much fun. It's been 2 years since I last saw them. 2 years, nothing changed much. And that's good! Everyone still remembers me yay LOL.

Ready to go whale-watching!

Grandma came over to Canada to visit. Happy that she did. I got to spend much quality time with family :) Awesome! Summer this year was so productive, my whole 2 months were spent doing so much!


Highlight of the year was probably going to University though. I honestly really like Uni life. So much better compared to high school. I got to meet so many new people. Exams were tough but by the end of it all of us bonded :)

(Inserts pic of Kevin and I. Aw we don't have one sadface)

I'm glad I got to meet Kevin. Really random, how we met lol. Really random, how we got close too. He's a really good friend :) Let's hope we'll continue to be good friends and not drift apart!

I got to spend my new years eve with these people :) Was fun, counting down together. Originally wanted to go see fireworks but we decided not to. Spending time together at Aaron's house was fun. :) Counting down together, then hugging each other yayyyyy.

The end of 2011? No more boyfriend, but I have amazing friends :)

Was talking to Kevin after all the counting down stuff were done, after all the happy new year's texts stopped, and agreed that 2011 was life changing. Don't know how, but it was. I think my perspective of life changed. That's good, growing up heh.

Happy new year!!