This semester sucks

I don't think I can handle stress very well.. :/
Everytime I'm stressed out  I just start crying. And everytime I slip I get even more stressed out and can't do good on exams..... This is so bad :/

Pressure just keeps piling on me.

A Big Impact

Yesterday was a really bad day. Was trying really hard to hold back tears after the exam. Then when I got back home couldn't hold it in anymore :/

Compared answers with K & M and found out that I got so many wrong. I was just so disappointed... I studied so hard but yet I did so terrible. If I can get the same results as when  I didn't study as hard, then why am I wasting my energy? What went wrong? Why couldn't I get the grades I want?

Tbh, I still don't know why haha. I wasn't thinking right. Analyzing what questions I got wrong, I wasn't thinking right :/ If I thought more I would've gotten the right question. Yeaah jw, I need to clear my mind before exams..


It's okay. Learn from mistakes. This is a big impact on me. I'm ready to bounce back up again.

Can't be happy because K is sad. I feel so bad. How did he do worse than me on the exam...

I don't know what's wrong, we're studying so much harder than last year. But there's no fruits to our labour :(
And what's making me feel even worse is that I'm doing better than him. Because he's so much more smarter than me, and he's helping me so much more.. I feel like I'm making him dumb lol.

But we definitely need more sleep.. Had like 5 hrs sleep a day the past week. He had like 4... wtf man. School is draining all of our energy. Can't carry on like this.

My expectations are As and A-s this sem. But so far, it's been way below that... even though I'm trying to study hard ): I'm still not doing well like I should be...

Wrote 2 exams this week, don't think I did very well... sigh. So frustrating when expectations are not met.

Blank

Sometimes, there's so much going on in my head but I just can't put them into words.
Not quite sure, it's a mixture of everything that happened and I can't seem to organize them.

Isn't it sad, how you were so close to a friend and then now you guys are strangers. We used to do everything together lol. And then now I don't hear a single word from you. But somehow, I know our friendship won't be like before -- it's different already... Sometimes I miss talking to you and the random days when I'd just feel like chilling at your house. I'd walk over because you live so near to me. Then I think about how cold you were to me, and snap back to reality that you don't see me as your friend anymore.

On another note, Kevin is amazing. He is honestly the sweetest guy ever. He treats me like I'm the most important person in the world. I'm thankful that we met. This Saturday will be our 7th monthsvary :)
Thankful for everything I have right now.

Cold blooded

I've changed, for sure. I've became more cold-blooded. I stopped caring as much as I did before, in general. Like in terms of relationship,

I've understood the fact that people leave. Just like J and H. They're not part of my life anymore. Even if I try to talk to H again, it's just not the same. We've both moved on. And we both like how our lives are right now.

Today Charmy left us. She's going back to HK for good. As I see her shedding tears at the airport, I feel sad that a good friend is leaving, but I didn't cry. I know I'll see her again the future, albeit it might not be soon. I think I didn't cry because I got used to people leaving. I'm not being negative, I've just grown tired of crying. No point crying for her departure. Since J, I feel like nothing can hurt me anymore (so dramatic lolol) because I've been through the worst. Hahahaha I've become more cold blooded.

I still care a lot for the important people around me. But I think more open-mindedly now? Like I can accept the fact that people always leave....

Weaak.

I need to learn to say no. Or make decisions for myself.
I let my friends decide everything too easily, just going with the flow. And in some ways, that's bad. Because I'm like a weak person who can't speak out.



Summer is supposed to be relaxing, chilling. But it isn't for Kevin and I don't know how to help. Don't know how to relieve his stress......