suppose to be play match today but had to stay at home  because of my painful knee. It hurt real bad when I walk.  Make me walk like a zombie now . Then big auntie just has to come today! wa lao! life is getting very sucky.   look, if care too little , you'll lose them. if care too much, you will get hurt.   Sigh. I really don't know how to help  my friend around me now..  feel so useless and helpless around  those friend who need help but not a  single thing that I do,  can make them feel better.. what happen to  us me? maybe I have to solve my own problem first  before thinking of helping others. I probably having the worst phase of my life now  because there's so many thing has to happen  to me in one time.  It seem like the only thing that can make me happy now is playing soccer and be free from everything!

"let's go back to square one. You don't know me, I don't know you. Just stranger with memories "

I got moody when I enter the class because it's business statistic module ! but today is the last day for this module and there's awesome mean I can say goodbye to BS ! this bloody shit module. End my day by watching ah boy to men part 2 at cuase way point with classmate. The movie is nice and some part very touch make me want to cry!

TODAY VERY HAPPY BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE ...

I AM (:

K that's all. 

P.S : I MISS YOU K

Monday to Tuesday my mood is so high like I can fly. I also don't know why haha.
But from Wednesday to yesterday my mood like freaking bad.  Then today, I got my big Aunties visit me !   wa I think the wost PMS ever. Yesterday like want to pick fight with people and nearly quarrel with Marilyn  Tsk. now I feel so bad. Okay but guess what ? today is Friday ! So my mood just automatic switch back to normal. hehe.

I had done a good deed today which I don't even expect that I will really do it which is helping this forgetful girl (  Mustika Natasha) to take her like LCD television laptop  from her house to school this morning. Anyway, today I have this really heart to heart talk while waking home with mustika after soccer match and she say I have grow mature from the way I talk to her now. Hahah. so is this suppose to be a happy thing for me? I don't know but I realize that after all those thing that had happen to me in these two year of RP life , I think I have learn many thing.  First was from people to soccer and then study. These are different kind of experience. while , I guess the most  I have learn is through soccer.

There's moment, I feel like a happy kid and there's time I feel like giving up on my position and losing of motivation. However, all this ups and down will always happen if I am still in soccer. But still I choose to pick myself up and continue  because I  remember that once someone tell me that " the greatest thing in life is to do what people say you cannot do".This had become my basic motivation for myself.

Okay that's all. Goodnight !

So what am I suppose to feel ? 

Today, is the match i'm most looking forward to for this year POLITE. Although, i'm little bit scare but i'm excited to played against ITE. I never tell anybody how excited I was to played for this game because I don't want them to know. However, coach change his decision today for not letting me played as a goal keeper. 

Just like this, my position was play by someone else. At that moment , I feel like my pride is been sweep under the floor. Reality hit me hard , telling me that i'm no good and that anybody can played better than me and i'm useless to the team.When the team cheer for the one who play for the keeper position , I feel like my place had been taken , not only the goal post but the placing I had in people heart. I feel like my passion is slowly dying and my self esteem is going down hill. 

I finally understand what is it feel like to be on the top and then fall to the bottom. Like you feel like a king and then the next moment you feel like a beggar. Feeling like a loser and so insignificant. What worst is that I can only sallow all this by myself and no one I can really turn to and tell them how i feel because they will judge. BECAUSE THEY JUDGE. so I rather not talk about it. Anyway , is a team game. Still, i'm glad that we won but just that I did not get to contributed to the team today. Feel like not part of the team. Feel like a piece of shit.  

low time in life, even the star refuse to shine

can't you see i'm painted with blue from head to toe .